From People Pleaser to Boundary Boss with Terri Cole

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If you tend to over-give, over-deliver, people please, and ignore your own needs, Terri Cole has some words for you: “This is your life, and YOU come first.” Learning to set and hold healthy boundaries is not selfish - it’s an essential skill for a successful career and relationships.
In this MarieTV, Terri answers the #1 question people have about boundaries, the importance of defining your “deal-breakers”, how to kick your people-pleasing habit, plus two real-world scripts for saying ‘no’ gracefully.
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, leading expert in female empowerment, and author of “Boundary Boss: The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free”. For two decades, she’s worked with international pop stars to Fortune 500 CEOs. She empowers over 250,000 people weekly through her blog, pdocast, and signature courses Real Love Revolution™ and Boundary Bootcamp™.
If you want to live a healthy, happy, self-determined life, this conversation is for you.
#MarieTV #MarieTVInterviews #TerriCole
C'mon over to www.marieforleo.com/blog/terr... where we answer your follow-up questions after the episode.
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18 апр 2021

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Комментарии : 367

@marieforleo 3 года назад

Ready to become a Boundary Boss? Jump to these highlights with Terri Cole: 7:35 - The #1 question people ask about boundaries. 9:13 - How to tap into your inner wisdom to make the right decision every time. 10:21 - How to hold a firm boundary without being a b*tch. 11:24 - The Boundary Boss Bill of Rights. 14:04 - Why you feel compelled to give too much - and how to stop. 23:34 - How to define the deal-breakers in your relationships. 24:58 - Why your desires matter and how to honor them. 33:35 - How to set healthy limits on social media. 37:16 - Two real world scripts for saying ‘no’! 44:10 - What to do when someone doesn’t respect your boundaries. What’s next? Learn more habits for success here: ru-vid.com/group/PLAxUz0wM51b9Xu5cBwKUPV2PjPF1wQmGN

@noral8788 3 года назад

Omg you don't know how much i need this right now! thank yoooouuu xo

@rahulbhatt1 3 года назад

Marrie Your face didn't get much changed as i just sawed your " consistency " vdo!! Great! Keep doing!! Hope your channel will cross 1m this year!! At nov. 😁🤗

@mariettamullin322 3 года назад

What a generous gift Marie. Thank you for these references.

@abrahamalvarez7099 3 года назад

Thanks 💯

@neetamohindra 2 года назад

Love this

@SY-sp8uo 3 года назад

Confidence is not: " They will like me." Confidence is: "I'll be fine if they don't"

@ninakoinz8477 3 года назад

Real confidence; "Will I like them?"

@simonedenouveau6365 3 года назад

Amen to that!

@NathalieLazo 3 года назад

So good! Thank you for sharing this! I'll remember this for next time! :)

@bunnykatsoracle3275 3 года назад

Right on!! 🙌

@abrahamalvarez7099 3 года назад

Deep

@Franziska.scherner 3 года назад

"You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to." Merci

@anneliolsson2273 2 года назад

👍🏼

@user-fk5jk9cn1c 3 года назад

It's taken me more than 40 years to recognize and work on that feeling of obligation to heal others or prevent pain. I realize now how I interfered in their journey and how much protecting them has negatively affected my life. If only the lessons we learn as adults, we could be aware of as kids.

@ilsevanoostenbrugge6463 3 года назад

So hearing you!

@tburnette910 3 года назад

Priceless! No truer words!

@KishaGreen19 Год назад

So good! Yes I totally understand

@SofiaJLyons 3 года назад

being nice is wonderful but over giving at the expense of your mental health is dishonest & harmful! love this!!!!!!!

@giselleduff1001 Год назад

@@xolalalo I believe from the point of view that it's not being honest with yourself as to what your actual real limits are and forcing yourself past them. Dishonesty with yourself about how much you can handle.

@chelsea992 3 года назад

"I like big boundaries and I cannot lie!" Epic, Marie!

@TeamForleo 3 года назад

Thanks for sharing Chelsea! Glad you enjoyed the episode. - Antoinette

@intentionalliving7326 3 года назад

Made me laugh out loud 😂 Thank you Marie 🙌🏻

@terri_cole 3 года назад

@@intentionalliving7326 me tooo!

@DrAliciaGranholm 3 года назад

"Being nice is not the same as being truthful." So good! When being nice is our gold standard for who we are supposed to be, boundaries are always going to be an issue.

@savurs 3 года назад

The biggest aha was you can say to someone "I am telling you how I feel and not asking for your opinion". Awesome! Thanks!

@maleidi 3 года назад

In my culture it would be rude to say that - although is True) and would risk to hear something like "so... You dont want to know my opinion and i dont care about your feelings 😔

@carolinapadron1486 12 дней назад

I think this is too extreme…. Sounds rude because yes, what made you think I wanted to listen to you?

@RussianLanguagePodcast 3 года назад

I also appreciate how Terri spoke about her psychotherapist. Many successful people forget to mention the importance psychotherapists had on their lives. It can give us false impression that they just figured everything out by themselves, without any external help.

@TeamForleo 3 года назад

We're so glad that you appreciated that point. They play an important role in so many people's lives. We appreciate you taking the time to watch this episode. - Heather

@foxywhitetip7387 3 года назад

Talk therapy is now being called detrimental. Just saying

@karenjohannessen8987 2 года назад

@@foxywhitetip7387 I think it depends on what the purpose of your "talk therapy" is. Also - Who's calling it 'detrimental'? What's their angle?

@adryarends7237 3 года назад

This video came to me like a glass of water in the middle of the dessert, just realize I’m a pleaser, I need this book 😅

@intentionalliving7326 3 года назад

🤗☀️

@nadiabrante2700 3 года назад

Same here ❤️

@KristaPrince 3 года назад

Yes me too!!

@karenjohannessen8987 3 года назад

Seen on a FB post: "Are you really "low maintenance", or are you just used to being ignored?"

@victoriasmees5625 2 года назад

This was like a punch to the gut omg

@Judymontel 3 года назад

Do I already know all of this? Oh yes. Did I need to hear Terri express it EXACTLY the way she does? Triple YES. Will I listen to this episode again and again. Yup. Balm to my heart and soul. THANK YOU BOTH SO MUCH!!!

@keshakellogg5995 3 года назад

Exactly this!!!

@TeamForleo 3 года назад

Judith - YAY!!! So glad you enjoyed the episode with Terri. Thanks for being a part of our community. -Antoinette

@terri_cole 3 года назад

❤️

@christinepringle6920 3 года назад

I love this discussion and I especially love how softly Terri speaks 😊🙏

@intentionalliving7326 3 года назад

So compassionate ☀️

@joer8273 3 года назад

Her quiet confidence and conviction is POWERFUL! Wow. Whew. Wonderful.

@cyndigooch1162 Год назад

@christinepringle6920 I love Terri Cole's soft and gentle voice as well! 😊

@katcatalyst7 3 года назад

This is a BOSS for real! Very impressed with Terri's articulation, tone, and demeanour.

@TeamForleo 3 года назад

Kat - Glad you enjoyed the interview with Terri. She's incredible and very real. - Antoinette

@intentionalliving7326 3 года назад

She totally lives it! 🌸

@jzimms 2 года назад

I absolutely love her I could watch her for hours straight!

@GotG113 3 года назад

Yes! I don't need a "good" reason for saying no. And I don't have to provide an explanation of my preferences. Perfect! Great interview, thank you!

@intentionalliving7326 3 года назад

Yes! Powerful ☀️

@DominiqueFrancon 3 года назад

Terri is so wise with the soothing voice of a sage.

@RobertCBrown 3 года назад

Doing more DOESN'T mean doing more of everything. Doing more means sometimes doing less, but doing more that is quality and makes a difference!

@TeamForleo 3 года назад

Robert - Bravo! Great advice and thanks for sharing with the community. - Antoinette

@RobertCBrown 3 года назад

@@TeamForleo Thank you I appreciate that :)

@mojenieustajacewakacje 3 года назад

If anybody needs a confirmation, “not my circus, not my monkeys” is a real Polish proverb and it translates to literally the same 🙂

@lisaperez8276 3 года назад

“It’s very easy to confuse compliance with compatibility” 🤯

@jeanettajohnson2079 3 года назад

Right .They teach us to be nice , instead of speaking our truth and what serves us.

@IEVAKambarovaite 3 года назад

I was recently delivering a workshop and a lady who was organising the event asked from me more than what was agreed initially. I spoke to my partner, I drafted several emails before I was able to say NO to her request. On the one hand I felt good for setting a boundary, but deep down I still worry that she probably doesn't like me 🤦🏻‍♀️ What an absolutely brilliant conversation 💜

@zlotagodzina 3 года назад

I think the point is that she might indeed stop liking you - but that you'll be ok with that?

@gabbi_fnacct0172 3 года назад

30 mins in and I am in love with today’s guest!!! I needed this conversation so much. Ive been a pushover and overreacher and compliant person for yrs and am trying to unlearn these. Thanks Marie!

@moonsofourmother2815 3 года назад

I am so proud of myself listening to this! The other day I refused to the invitation to an arguement... literally. I felt so sad with what happened, but I knew my nerves would have been utterly frazzeled if I did accept their invitation. Thank You.

@karolinaks4192 3 года назад

I could listen to Terri Cole all day. She has the best voice...and such great messages:)

@intentionalliving7326 3 года назад

🙌🏻

@KerryNeeds 3 года назад

Her energy is amazing

@yvonne0429 3 года назад

Thank god this video popped up to remind me that I don’t need to seek validation through external world. I am grounded in my body and I feel safe within me💫🥰

@living_authentic 3 года назад

Amazing with what kind of calmness she speaks. Such a pleasure to listen to!

@Diana-er6fi 3 года назад

Biggest takeaway: I don’t have to answer Bob’s or Betty’s questions just because they asked...

@NathalieLazo 3 года назад

Exactly! So good! I learned that people can figure it out themselves and we no longer have waste our breaths on people who don't do anything with our advice! Thank you for sharing your takeaway! :)

@godzillamanstreb524 2 года назад

👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻

@katemiller5018 3 года назад

I was driving doing deliveries all day today- I listened to this podcast and it blew. my. mind. I have never in my life listened to a podcast two times in a row, until today.

@Emilia-ps2th 3 года назад

Same here.

@TeamForleo 3 года назад

YAY! This is why we do what we do, Kate. Thank you. - Heather

@JouelletteFrenchCoaching 3 года назад

"What makes me think I know what peopleI love need to learn in this life? I want them to get it together so my pain can end." It's so true. I'm still pondering on it. And I felt an instant relief. No more pressure to be the perfect role model. Who's ready to see my example will see it. I can't rush it for them. Thank you so much, Marie!! xo

@dib9126 3 года назад

I love how Terri talks about "bitter land" at the end of the interview. And this is so true! I being a person who never created boundaries would always become upset and angry. A passive aggressive thing that she talks about as well in the interview and it created such a negative environment for me and the people I would become upset at. Excellent interview! Thank you!

@lightupwithshua 3 года назад

There was so much to learn and to allow ourselves to balance and have healthy limits.

@HSun-sd9xf 2 года назад

I have a porous boundaries, and often l felt inadequate and drained by ‘ being nice’. Thank you Terri for your talk. Now, I am reading the book the second time while resetting my personal boundaries. 🙏💕

@Aanframe 3 года назад

Terri Cole makes me remember of actress Lauren Bacall

@TeamForleo 3 года назад

YES! You're so right!- Heather

@sanja1milanovic87 3 года назад

Amazing talk ladies👏🏻 What great reminders in being authentic, thank you 💖

@SmileLauren 3 года назад

Perfect timing, can’t wait to listen through this one 💕

@TeamForleo 3 года назад

Lauren - So glad this episode came to you at the right time! - Antoinette

@GD-cr5um Год назад

I love Terri. The way she so dignifiedly expresses her own growing pains and came a winner.

@pharelljo4273 3 года назад

Wow! I needed this so bad! This was the missing piece to my self development/healing journey. Right after I watched the video, I bought the book, and I have already made two boundary changes that I’m so proud of!! It was hard because I kept questioning myself on whether I was being mean or not considering the feelings of the other person and when that happens I usually end up apologizing and go on suffering in silence and being resentful at the situation and myself. 👏🏾BUT 👏🏾THIS 👏🏾TIME... I did not waver, I got the respect that I commanded, I walked away feeling at peace (rare for me) and most of all, proud for finally standing up for myself, despite any possible “consequence”. I even started showing my 4 year old daughter to do the same. Thank you. This was a God Send!!! For real! 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾😁😎

@TeamForleo 3 года назад

Thank you for sharing your a-ha moment with us and for supporting Terri's book. We certainly hope that it serves you! - Heather

@ksmith4631 3 года назад

Terri is so soothing to listen to, wish she was my mother literally. Love and Light.

@donnabuckner2689 3 года назад

Thanks Marie and Terri, what a great video. I've call my boundaries my "non-negotiables" - so nice to have the vocabulary to support them!

@LunarFrequenciesHD Год назад

Speaking authentically!!!! Yes!

@godfident1 2 года назад

You have no idea how tempted I was to write an essay in this comment section! I’m just so genuinely touched! They say when the student is ready, the teacher appears and boy have you ladies appeared! This conversation was enlightening, enthralling, captivating and liberating! I feel like I was invited to my own party! An epiphany feast filled with Aha moments which spark deep transformation! I thoroughly enjoyed this!! I freaking love you ladies! I actually mean that! Thanks for living your lives, learning your lessons and sharing them with us! You are such gems!! Mwah!! P.s Marie you asked amazing questions!! Shoutout to you and Marie from France for saying what was on my (and I am sure other people’s) mind. And Terry, wow! What can I say!? Thank you!!

@lisarodriguez4925 3 года назад

This was very helpful. 11:35 Boundary Boss Bill of rights 27:10-28:10 Don’t have to defend(convince others) your preferences 39:10-39:30 Sentence starters 43:17-43:32 Humor

@maryannefernholz3903 3 года назад

My biggest take away is that I don't owe anyone a reason for my choices. That is HUGE for me. Also, giving of myself is a precious gift that I should respect and cherish as much as those I choose to give myself to. Ah Ha moments left and right!!! Love this Gal! Buying the Book ASAP! Thank you, Terri AND Thank you Marie, for introducing yet another amazing woman to me to help me through my journey to become the very best me I can be!

@Emilia-ps2th 3 года назад

All of this applies to me it seems(boundary disaster). Long time friend visited from interstate,stayed near 3weeks. She has a lung disease,very outgoing & very very confident. I knowingly 'went along' with her preferences, as a generous hostess yet personally struggled. Was glad when it was time for her to continue her travels. I've bought the book today & about to do the free quiz. Your 'Bill of Rights' list will be my go-to. So grateful for this. Thankyou.

@bluebutterfly4537 3 года назад

Thank you so much Marie and Terri!!! I found this video so helpful!! My biggest takeaway -"You have the right to choose who will be in your life or not". Thank you SO much!

@aishasingleton 3 года назад

I’m dealing with that right now in attempts to help a younger sibling! Wow, Ruth speaks the truth 🤯🙌🏾

@intentionalliving7326 3 года назад

🌸 Thank you Terri and Marie for choosing to share this wisdom, this gem ☀️

@mirelladlima5278 3 года назад

I like the way you said"that's not my side of the street". This is what I need to discern constantly. "Is this my side of the street" Do I really need to give my energy to this problem. Does it really concern me? Is it my business? Can I suggest help from the proper source? Thanks Terri. You nailed this issue. I am definitely buying Boundary Boss. 🤗🙏

@melissaculpepper7663 Год назад

This was so straightforward!!! Thank you, Terri! If people are continuing to fire hard my boundaries repeatedly, “It’s my fault”! Truth!!!

@lourineoketch8142 3 года назад

Thank u Marie and Terri for those kind words, what have taken in is that i dont have to please people do be loved .thank u

@divinebeginnings3741 3 года назад

Wow wow wow! I learned that my desires or what I want, is worthy of having 💝 I was always so afraid of speaking up for those “woman needs” (that are mainly based in feelings) due to being so afraid of coming off as a “drama” woman. This video gave me a freedom I can not come close to expressing how grateful I am feeling right now ♥️ Thank you kindly Orlando Florida

@michellewright99 3 года назад

This was SUPER helpful. Thank you so much! I am working on speaking up for myself and realizing I CAN have and express my own preferences and still be a good, giving person.

@nsw_27 8 месяцев назад

Thank you for being one of the few channels to disclose language ahead of time. ♥️ As a rideshare driver who plays these during the day it means a lot!

@Listening_2_Still_Small_Voice 3 года назад

Terri Cole has such a soothing voice and commanding presence. Love it!

@amanda.doskocil-music 3 года назад

THANK YOU! She verbalized KEY points beautifully!!!

@NathalieLazo 3 года назад

You explained this really well! Thank you for the great points about codependency and not giving a lot of ourselves and just knowing when to have boundaries for your lives, therefore, to help others by our example! I’ll remember this for next time! God bless!

@littleiodine9480 3 года назад

So very helpful for my personal growth I am working on. Also, I appreciate when the person doing the interview, asks a question, and actually steps back and let's the person answer. We get to learn that way. Very professional and entertaining back and forth conversation. Thank you both.

@Kileyannbb 23 дня назад

Thank you so much for everything, I'm 40 and realizing that this has been a huge issue for me and affected every single aspect of my life! I appreciate you putting this out there and offering such amazing advice on how to get healthy.

@roshanrahealer 2 года назад

Thanks so much for this video! I saw it after watching Marie on Women of Impact. I've been working on self-pleasing over people-pleasing and it's helped me focus on my future. I went from high risk suicidality to low risk, though the urge to please my husband and friends overrides my sense of self at times. I have an example of how harmful people pleasing can be. Today, my husband and I have been dealing with contractors crossing boundaries. I tried to encourage him to talk to them about our tomatoes (i.e. please don't destroy them). When he said his emotions were too high for that, I said, "Do you want me to do it?" He explained to me that the offer to do it for him came off as emasculating. We think we're helping others when we're trying to soothe our own anxieties. It's a long and grueling process, but you're right, Terri! Setting and keeping boundaries feels good. We're the dragons guarding our caves.

@mhlorenzo 3 года назад

Wow, blessed be the moment I clicked this link... already bought the audiobook BTW! And yes about the lists of what's OK and what's NOT OK...people who grow up in rough environments will take put up with unfair behavior as "OK" because it is familiar to them... not realizing it NOT OK

@audreyoreilly4055 3 года назад

I love Terri's very dry sense of humour. I'd love to go for a drink with her. I say she'd be a hoot.

@itzpreppymaya 3 года назад

"that's dumb. You shouldn't be feeling that way." I don't even remember how many times I was told this. Amazing conversation. Love from Pakistan. 😘

@TeamForleo 3 года назад

We certainly hope that it was helpful to know that you're not alone. - Heather

@juliantorres2772 Год назад

I learnt this time to stablish my boundaries in a Loving way and finding my own style . Thank You for this Video.

@TeamForleo Год назад

YES Julian! We know you can do it 💗 Each one of us has a unique way to set them and we can all do it from a loving place. Sending you all our best! - Monauar, Team Forleo

@rainedavis4173 3 года назад

Absolutely brilliant! Thank you Marie and Terri for this incredible supportive, hot wisdom. I loved this. Sad when it ended. More please!

@Delgado-ot4lq 3 года назад

Such a great topic and explanation! It was very validating. I loved listening to her. She is beautiful and her voice is beautiful and soothing💜

@CAROLINAPARISLONDON 3 года назад

This conversation may change my life....🙏🏻☺️✨

@YasmineGalenornOfficial 3 года назад

I SO needed to hear this today. Thank you. Bought the book and added it to my self-care list of books.

@mirelladlima5278 3 года назад

This is so valuable for those with unclear boundaries. Those who over give, people please and dishonour their own personal rights. Love you and Love Terri🤗🙏

@christelnielandt5117 2 месяца назад

Brilliant ! It is always ‘refreshing’ to hear a communication like this 🙏❤️🙏

@NaomiLeila 3 года назад

This was one of the most amazing interviews I've watched. I'm profoundly grateful to you both for creating this amazing content.

@DC-1313 2 года назад

So thankful for Marie and Terri’s expertise. 🙏🥰

@nellie... 2 года назад

I was the one to go to when things needed to get taken care of. The very day I decided to set boundaries they all cut me out of their lives. It hurt me at the beginning but then I realized how I needed this to happen in order to know my self worth.👌

@michellep_83 3 года назад

I so needed to see this, hear this. Powerful. As if Terri was speaking to me. Thank you Marie and Terri 💞

@CindyGonzalezz 3 года назад

Love love love love love love this! Applicable for everything in my life ✨❤️ thank you beautiful ladies your work is amazing

@symphony357 11 месяцев назад

Terri, i relate to what you said about if your person isn't there to meet you at the train station on time you feel like crying. Yes, when that type of thing happens to me it triggers feelings of abandonment. I immediately think the person forgot to meet me, etc. Thanks for the video!

@victoriayornet7130 3 года назад

Terri in the house!!!! She is AWESOME her work so important right now.Thankful for the interview!!!

@LaRoSaJoLie 3 года назад

biggest take away: "you dont have to convince people, that you have a right" .... yay ! thank you for this conversation. needed the reminder. sending both of you muuuuuuch love !

@TeamForleo 3 года назад

We're sending you love right back. - Heather

@KristaPrince 3 года назад

Wow.. Confirmation for me to say no more and its ok if people don't like me. I realize I have a tendency to be a people pleaser which has held me back. Thank uou for this!!

@paulinemayse9560 2 года назад

Biggest takeaway. Learn to say NO and not feel guilty or bad about it. You deserve to be seen and heard. See your worth in every relationship!

@SueEllisSallerIntuitiveGuide 3 года назад

Whew! Boundaries have been SUCH a sore point for me. I'm absorbing everything that Terri is saying. I saw her on Gala Darling the other day, too!

@italiapersempre1966 3 года назад

Thank you so much for this interview- just bought the audio book and I was so glad to see Terri actually reads it too!!

@dreamtheanswer 3 года назад

Absolutely love this conversation! Sure is great to understand the workings behind what is going on. The "compliance" jumped out at me and being the scapegoat in the family. I am happy to say that I have stood up for myself and set very clear, strong boundaries and will continue to do so! Having said that, I am still going to get this book and read it pronto. Really looking forward to it. What a blessing you two are together here :) Thank you!

@Hellokitty7163 3 года назад

Gold gold gold. So clearly expressed. I am in.

@mirelladlima5278 3 года назад

Very true. Each one of us has our unique family role in our family of origin which impacted us in a way which helped form a dysfunctional pattern which made us conditioned to and feel obligated to help, fix and over give. My unique flavour what I need to deconstruct to function in a healthy way.🙏

@mariena7383 3 года назад

Powerful words in such a loving way 😊 thank you Terri and Marie

@elsaromero4743 3 года назад

Such an eye opener, really. Thank you ladies

@amyswinarton6504 3 года назад

This was phenomenal, thank you ladies! I laughed and resonated so much with Teri talking about standing up when its time for her to leave and reaching the people and noise "threshold". My husband knows I always want to leave places on the early side. A month before my sons due date we were out and I stood up and he unhappily said "I know, you want to leave, right?" and I replied "my water broke, so yes!:. XOXO

@beccareynolds4625 2 года назад

Oh my gosh 😅

@mirelladlima5278 3 года назад

Yes very true. We are raised and praised for being a codependent people pleaser. It has become part of us. Now the sh*t is going off the rails. High functioning not giving us the space and the grace.🙏Tks Marie Tks Terri your so awesome !!

@DidiC619 3 года назад

This was an amazing conversation! REALLY looking forward to reading the book!

@bpassion4fashion581 2 года назад

What an awesome video ! Love the both of you together. Such a beautiful dance ! I also Love Terri’s delivery style. Im running to order the book. Love the part where she explained that “not everyone deserves the same level of investment when explaining yourself .” I used to suffered not only from over-giving, but for over-sharing.

@uamiable 3 года назад

i really love this, so gentle and clear and loving

@sduyck1327 2 года назад

Thank you so much. This is amazing. I still struggle with the feeling I have to justify every single thing I do. I needed this today.

@josephinedeblasio1725 2 года назад

Hi Marie. I absolutely loved this talk thank you so much. The best take away for me is learning the Boundary Boss Bill of Rights. Good to know ♡

@susanxa8158 3 года назад

My biggest insight is that I need to buy this book! Fantastic interview.

@TheLisaTorres 2 года назад

Yes, over giving is actually a Thing. Wow Thanks for sharing!

@jennifersmiles 3 года назад

So needed. Thank you yes yes yes.

@ladyofspa 3 года назад

That was such an amazing interview.You both are delightful and informative. I so loved what to say when someone is intrusive handling with comedy and kindness. ALSO #1 that the people I choose care about my feeling even if it doesn't make sense. Love that! 3rd. Tell/ honor my truth by asking sharing and accepting someone's no even after I asked. Thanks!!!!♥️🌷🍭