gay couples can't make babies 👶🏽 r/AITA 1 800 Drama Podcast 

My 4-year old brother found a little pride flag in my room and asked me what it is, I told him it's a love flag, and he carried it around for a few hours and waved it over the cats like a wand and "love you" like it was a magic spell, it was sweet. Not really relevant, but one of the posts reminded me of it.

If you criticise Shaaba for a dumb reason especially when Jamie is right there agreeing with her, you are the drama. Period

Omg the hair is HAIRING TODAY

I’ve noticed that phenomenon toward you too, Shaaba, and I am so glad you are speaking up for yourself. thank you for doing that. it helps all of us.

I'm sad that this podcast had to start with a discussion of how there is a growing unkind sentiment towards Shaaba's responses, where her words are being taken to an extreme that isn't helpful for learning or empathy. However, it's an important concern to call out if it's affecting Shaaba's wellbeing in this space. It's okay to have differing opinions when it comes to the rulings, but attacking someone's moral character is uncool and regressive. Thank you to Shaaba and Jamie for having this chat, even if it because of an unhappy situation.

The idea of giving the dead wife's jewelry to the new wife instead of the daughter, marrying the new wife a year after the first wife died (after being snuck in!!) and the dad not obviously standing up for their daughter... anyone else getting the new wife was the affair partner vibes? Also glad Jamie brought up the fact its weird to take the previous wife's jewelry its so weird!!

Something to say about the first story - parents blaming you for being "too expensive" and "eating away money" is just horrible and causes a kind of trauma that's very hard to deal with. Honestly, just hugs for OP, their family situation sounds awful.

I've been a silent watcher of you for years, and the introduction prompted me to send you love, Shaaba. I don't read my comments anymore either because they've been incredibly cutting recently and are deeply personal. I know you won't read this, but I'm hoping by writing it, I send lovely energy into your universe. I'm sending you so much love and kind thoughts-you're both beautiful souls.

this is so sad. i usually don’t check the comments of the podcast vids, and i hate that people are singling you out shaaba. comparing throwing popcorn to gay marriage and beastality is insane

43:30 this is why I'm glad Shaaba decided to call it "am I the drama" because you can be the drama without being the a-hole. & Those are the learning moments

The Swedish guy reminded me of when my son was in preschool and they did a low level eye screening for the kids and it showed that he has astigmatism in both eyes. When I picked him up I was talking with his teacher about it and he asked why he had to go to a doctor and I said that it wasn't anything bad, he just got his father's eyes. That freaked him out big time, he thought I meant that he took his dad's eyes from him and his dad didn't have eyes anymore. I was struggling to explain on a biological level when that wasn't what he was understanding at all. Finally his paternal grandmother explained it in a way that made sense to him (using God unfortunately but at least he understood) and he calmed down. He and I had a very rocky relationship to start with because I couldn't figure out how to simplify things for a child to understand. Now he loves coming to me with questions because I'll give him actual information with my responses 😅

#1 guessing dad and step-mom were not strangers while mom was alive.

hi both! Just chiming in with my perspective as an autistic queer woman :) it's been studied that autistic people are more likely to be LGBTQ+ and, while I understand that it might be quite difficult as a parent to have unexpected conversations with your kids, especially when they think differently than you do (I get the vibe dad is NT), I feel it's extra important to raise autistic kids as queer-positively and knowledgably as possible, as the internalised homophobia/transphobia could be harder to overcome for autistic kids (e.g. "I can't be X that means I won't follow society's rules!"). Don't think he was intentionally or otherwise homophobic, just something for him and other parents of autistic kids to consider :) Also thank you for calling out the community Shaaba! It's so important that people remember to check themselves and that this should be a safe space on the Internet xx

As a swedish person who is in education to become a teacher and who has worked in schools with kids age 8 before: We as teachers are held to the standard of calling out any suspisions of discrimination and making sure all kids get an equal education regarding their identity. This leads to these kinds of calls with parents where we try to make sure the kids are aware of this even from home. Hope this made sense.❤

My lovely Shaaba, I am so proud of you for speaking out. That didn't seem easy for you. Whether or not it's unconscious bias or whatever, it's not fair. I like to think of your channel as your house. I wouldn't be rude to you in your house. I have teased you and noticed it's had a lasting effect, and that kills me (use your scottish accent, my love, please lol I feel bad, I was messing with you, but these things are often missed via text, esp when there's a one sided parasocial thing going on). But go you absolutely for calling us out. I know I, for one, am always happy to be called out. We all always have room to grow. My respect for you will always continue to increase.

"well, I've seen you in the morning" you two are adorable. I love the banter

It's really interesting that Shaaba brought up subconscious biases at the beginning of the video. During the second story, I found myself thinking "eh, NAH" until the OP brought up the phrase "I was just stating a biological fact." MOST of the time, when I see that phrase online someone is being anti-trans or misogynistic. The real kicker is that sometimes the person using the phrase is referring to some over-simplified concept that they learned decades ago as children and are refusing to adapt their view of the concept as new information becomes available. OP may not have had bad intentions, but he used a phrase that people with bad intentions use a lot, in a situation where those people frequently use it, and my brain's knee-jerk reaction was to lump OP in with those people.

'Channel your inner heartstopper' 😂 I love that so much Also I think op COULD be not homophobic but maybe transphobic with the phrase 'biological fact' because thats an argument I've heard

the starting discussion made me really sad, tbh as a brown woman I relate to it heavily, it happens even with my close friends where the one or two white ppl in our group will say something, I’ll say a joke in reference and everyone piles up on me, even other queer and ppl of color its a really hard line to walk for sure but im goad you shared it because it is something that is important to address.

No idea if you'll see this but I want to make something clear immediately. Whilst I adore this podcast and listen to it religiously every Monday - if you need to take a break due to some of the unjust harassment you've been receiving, please do so. I hope I speak for your whole community when I say that you deserve to rest. This may be entertainment for us, and for you, but it's also a job - and everyone needs a holiday from time to time. Rest, take mental health days all you need - we will always be waiting when you come back. We love you both

37:56 😂😅😭 this hit hard for me because I found out my kiddo was going around at school telling other kids that "God isn't real". We of course didn't know right away but did keep having issues with him feeling bullied for "being weird". It all came to a head in music class when he and several other kids got into a screaming match.....so that's how I found out my kid was insisting to others that God wasn't real. Please note that what I said to him at the time is "different people believe different things, what do you believe?" He said "I don't believe God is real" and in the end I basically said then that's what's right for him.....and 6 months later I found out that he took that to mean he was right, anyone else was wrong, and it was his responsibility to "tell the truth" 🤦🏽‍♀️

I'm a teacher and one thing my mentor would say when kids would being up heaven and hell is, "Some people believe that." I really appreciated this approach to religion. Now if kids want to talk about it I say, "People believe many different things about what happens after we die. Some people believe our spirit goes somewhere else, some people believe we are born again, and some believe it's just like falling asleep. I wish I could tell you what will happen, but the truth is I don't know because I've never died before. It's one of the great mysteries of life, and you can believe whatever you'd like."

As a parent of an autistic teen, I can promise you it's relevant. In my experience If I tried to explain something after they had asked (what they assumed was) a simple question, at that age, the eyes just gloss over.. even if Dad had attempted a deeper discussion, if it's not relevant to their subject of immediate interest it just doesn't sink in. I would have had to circle back to it later and build on the previous conversation little bits at a time. (A practice which can be excruciating for me, who is also autistic, and likes to info dump myself.)

Shaaba i love watching your channel. I can feel your pain a little bit. I am white, so i cant relate to that. I am however an overweight woman who is married to a handsome white man. Whether its sexism, or pretty privilege i am treated much better when my husband isnt there. Like once i broke my leg, and HAD to have ny husband take me to the doctor when i looked awful. They only spoke to him and not me. The woman told him i was totally fine and overreacting, that i just twisted my ankle (she didnt fully examine it) and that i can walk it off. I had to live off of cbd for a week, before they would give me an MRI. Turns out i had a broken tibia, ligaments and a tendon. Uuugh. Living in Utah, which is a very patriarchal state I have seen how much better i am treated when my husband isnt with me, which is very horrible. Its not your fault, and this phenomenon is so real. Edit: I have to add good job for calling it out. Your feelings are valid.

every monday i forget its AITA day and i get so excited when i see the notification. love you guys 🫶🫶 also shaaba your hair looks amazing in this vid! its sad to see that people are starting to become harsher and i’m glad you felt able to voice that

"no, I frequently sit by a lake eating raw fish" sent me. Although, also, not a bad way to spend an afternoon.

I'm very proud of you Shaaba for speaking up about this, it can be difficult to speak up, especially against your own audience cause some people might not have meant it in a rude way but that doesn't invalidate your feelings about it or how it comes across. We're allowed to have different opinions and voice those opinions but people should learn from your actual videos when you and Jamie disagree but still treat each other with respect.

#1 If there's something with OP's name on it, or that her mother had made because of OP (charm bracelets etc), SM and dad are callous af. Are we sure she wasn't his bit on the side while mum was alive?

To weigh in on the autistic 8yo's dad (?/parent): Due to the genetic component to autism, I wonder whether he is on the spectrum himself and there's been miscommunication between him and the teacher as well as our read... I've had conversations with my father where both of us would be taken very differently by outsiders. I'd love more info: - Was the teacher open/receptive to that add-on or did they cut off the dad before he could? - Is the father agitated by the (possible) accusation of dishonesty? (Honesty is a HUGE virtue to many/most autistics I've heard of/spoken to.) - How exactly did the conversation go? Because autistic kids can be very persistent with their questions and ask oddly specific things (that fall within their special interest/they have hyper-fixated on)... - Was he aware of all those nuances...? Like Shaaba said.

I will say that in Sweden it’s pretty normal to have kids books with accurate descriptions of baby making so he had probably seen books. So making babies can be seen as factual “not possible” having children are a different question. I would say this teacher stepped outside what they should do without having a longer conversation. Also

I noticed that dynamic as well! You are absolutely correct. I hope this will get better, and we should all try and call this out if we see it happening.

The guy with the autistic kid questioning if he's said anything homophobic... one point I think was missed and needs considering is autism does have genetic components, especially in biologically males on a DNA level. This dad trying to explain to his autistic kid could possibly have autistic traits himself if not undiagnosed autism. And when caught off guard its not uncommon for people on the spectrum to fall back on black and white "facts" as citations for their opinion. Not saying this is the case but both my brother and partner are both fully allies and very accepting if LGBTQ+ (we have many friends and colleagues in the community) but I'm sure in this position they would have panicked and reacted exactly the same when challenged by the teacher. That being said they'd then talk to is about how they would explain this to the kid better and then explain to the kid. The digging the heels in as a defensive response isn't uncommon in autism as social interactions and unexpected confrontation is difficult. Especially if confronted about something that's been a misunderstanding, being misunderstood especially on a subject like this can cause great rapid anxiety. My point is perhaps dad is maybe ASD too or at least has traits and his defensive response was due to rapid social anxiety and not being able to effectively communicate as a consequence. Just a thought I had...

I'm trans, and I've given birth to two kids. My oldest is 7 and autistic (I'm also autistic). It's really not that difficult to explain different ways for LGBT families to have babies in a child friendly way. I agree that OP probably isn't being intentionally homophobic, I think he's just ignorant. However, he also needs to be willing to educate himself if he's going to do better in the future. "It's just the truth" is definitely toeing the line of bigotry (it's a common dog-whistle used by those who are transphobic), though.

The Dad being accused of homophobia - I can absolutely see how you interpreted that conversation and reached the conclusion. I actually heard it slightly different, so came at it from a different viewpoint. The way I heard that Dad had answered that question in a way he felt appropriate at the time, and teacher has gone in hard and accused him of homophobia, and his defenses have gone up as a result of her approach. Absolutely now that he has understood how that has lead to a misunderstanding on the part of his son he does need to sit down and have another conversation with him to rectify that, but that doesnt mean his original response to him was wrong, even if it was incomplete. But my brain took my interpretation of the conversation with the teacher that she was saying the simple fact he had said that at all meant that he was homophobic. If that was indeed her approach, the larger conversation probably the Dad should now be having with the son probably then got lost with both of them because she was too busy being accusatory and he was too busy defending what he originally said as being factually accurate (if only from the narrow place of 2 cis same sex people cannot create babies just the two of them on their own without additional assistance) and not coming from a place of homophobia. He hasnt actually commented about whether he intends having a further conversation with his son to recitify his understanding - maybe it was one of the first things he did after this conversation. All we know is that he took offence to what she said to him - was that because he didnt take accountability, or was that because she starting hurling accusations and he wasnt happy about that. I'm not saying any of us have interpreted that conversation the right way or the wrong way. You could well be right here. It is just interesting to me how you reached your conclusion because of the way you had heard the conversation in your head (which if I had heard it that way, I probably would have reached the same conclusion) and how I reached a different conclusion only because I heard it so very differently. I also reserve judgment about the teacher because, while I appreciate her tackling such an issue, it is very dependent on how she is tackling it. If she is trying to broach subjects along the lines of "your child said this, and I'm a bit concerned he may have heard something that has lead to a misunderstanding and I wanted to raise it with you so we could discuss how to best address that" then fantastic. I very much applaud that approach. If, however, she is phoning parents to say "your child said this. Why are you telling your child this - you are clearly homophobic" is probably not the right way to go about things. It is accusatory and judgmental and will never solve the issue - homphobic parents are likely to just double down and parents who are not homophobic are likely to just going to be angry at being called homphobic and will probably shut off from everything else (such as the idea that maybe they need to have a further conversation with their child) because they are so upset at the accusation. We dont know her approach, we only know his reaction and then only by brief description, so it is difficult to assess what she did here and whether she was indeed addressing this in an appropriate way

everyone in the comments has the same opinion here: shaaba and jamie are NTD for the discussion at the beginning, and brownie badges to u both, Shaaba for having the courage to speak up for urself (it’s so hard to do!) and Jamie for validating Shaaba the whole time! also for the very beautiful delay of healthy communication that we talk abt so much on this channel *ik that it wasn’t a question but i thought that it would be fun to put the comment in a context that matches the video lol ♥️ xx

There is a bill in Missouri (US state) that would make discussing/explaining social transitioning with a student a sex crime. I kid you not. Happy Sweden doesn't have similar laws for discussing explaining LGBTQ subjects.

Shaaba, you are not hiding behind the WOC card. You are not making it a bigger issue than it is! I love reading the comments on all the podcasts, and I have also noted the unbalanced criticism towards you. Unconscious bias is very likely a strong factor in commentors coming down much harder on your opinions than on Jamie's opinions. Just know that a lot of us peaches find you very insightful and relatable! ❤

1:58 I’ve noticed that and I don’t like it. I hate those people who think they’re being honest by being rude.

I am still laughing from Shaaba’s laugh after “you’ve never read a newspaper in your life”. She has such a good laugh!

For story 1 I definitely would be feeling really bothered as the kid in that situation. Even as someone who grew up with a single mom and a handful of different boyfriends/fiances, i definitely still know that i was always my mom's priority. I was more important than her men. She also really prized my keepsakes that i got from my MIA father, making absolutely sure only i would ever be allowed to get rid of them. She would never give anything of his away without checking with me first. I would be devastated if the roles were reversed and my dad gave my dead mom's jewelry to his new wife instead of asking me if i wanted any of it first. That with the behavior of the step mom and dad not standing up for OP, this is all a messy Ella Enchanted -esque situation that i do not like at all

Shaaba, I just want to say I have watched many different youtubers AITA type series and yours is the only one I stick with. Not because we always have the same opinions (it's probably 50/50) but because you try so hard to see all sides of the story and really that is a big difference in how your videos focus on expanding our mindsets and seeing situations from a varied perspective! Keep being you Shaaba and I will be here suporting you 💙

Great job speaking up about the uneven treatment of you in the comments, Shaaba. ♥ I hope people will take it to heart and question their knee-jerk responses before posting. Also, your hair looks absolutely magical in this video, I can't stop staring at it!

Hey Shaaba, thanks for that call-out! Very courageous but also very necessary, unfortunately. Also, your hair looks amazing today!

Devolving into golem comparison was so cute and wholesome. I hope the comments get better on here for you

Second story: I agree with everything you said in the first part - it sounds like there were some misunderstandings, but that the father was doing his best to explain in a way his son could understand, likely without any time to think about how he could explain it, and I really don't think he was being homophobic. I think his reaction to the teacher insinuating he was homophobic was a very natural defensive reaction. He did his best, he wasn't being homophobic, and now he's being accused of being something he's not and suddenly being told he's in the wrong when he thought he was doing everything right. Yes, maybe he should have taken responsibility for the miscommunication, but that's not an easy thing to do, especially when you're suddenly getting accused of being something you never wanted to be. It was a very normal defensive reaction, and I think the only thing that says about him is that he struggles to take criticism. I definietly don't think he was at all homophobic. 31:29 Children are taught half-truth ALL THE TIME, for better or for worse. I tend to think for worse, as it means kids have to later unlearn what they're taught, which is unnecessarily confusing, but this is so normal to do and not a problem specific to this dad. I don't know how many times I was taught in school that something was always true, only to be taught a few years later that there are a whole bunch of exceptions. It's not that hard to mention that there are exceptions! But it's such a common thing and not something that's fair to blame this dad specifically for. Edit again: NTA. I think especially in that situation of sudden accusation, it's really hard not to be defensive. Yes his reaction certainly wasn't the most ideal one, but I think it was very understandable. I don't think it's fair to be too hard on him. It's not easy to face a sudden accusation like that when you were always trying to do the right thing, and you don't see what you did wrong. Frankly I'm not even sure he did do anything wrong. Maybe not ideal, in both the answer to his son and the response to criticism, but he answered the question as asked, and I don't think in a biased way. Yes, it would have been better to add more context, but when you're being bombarded with questions it's not always possible to think on your feet enough to give as full an answer as might be ideal, especially when it's not a topic you think about often. Yeah, definietly NTA. I understand why he said he did nothing wrong, especially when suddenly faced with those accusations.

I love that you (shaaba) are speaking up for yourself 💕 my thing with the popcorn throwing and how you were saying “throwing things/hitting people is ALWAYS bad” is that within that statement there is no room for nuance. Saying that things like that are always bad leaves no room for discussion around self defense and stuff like that, and also I can turn around your slippery slope of “excusing throwing things where will that lead to” by saying if throwing or hitting is always bad what happened when someone is attacking or harassing you and you need to hit them or throw something to keep yourself safe, if it’s always bad should I never do it even when I’m in danger? I know you would never say or think or encourage anything like that, that is just a way the things you said could be interpreted. I completely understand where you are coming from but I just wanted to put that out there 💕. And people using that to compare the slippery slope of gay marriage and beastiality is disgusting 🤮

There’s a wonderful book called “making a baby” that explains all the different ways families can be made in very child friendly language. It’s got lovely illustrations and has great representation, it’d be perfect for this dad and his son!

I don't think I commented on the Popcorn video? But I actually agree with you, Shabba. I was taught growing up that two wrongs don't make a right. Even if the girl was being annoying and throwing popcorn is relatively harmless, I don't think that makes it okay, and it the end it's probably far more disruptive than what she was doing. Moreover, there are proper channels to deal with disturbances like that, which the guy didn't even try. He does sound like a bit of a grumpy old fart. 😅 I'm actually deeply disturbed by the increasingly popular idea that if someone hurts you, you should hurt them back - worse, if possible. What kind of world will we create if we choose to act like that?

"Shaaba your moral compass has been crafted in the fires of Mordor" is the funniest thing ive heard in while omg, its so true too❤

"the teacher was way out of line and you can raise your child however you want and the teacher shouldn't have a thing to say about it" is very bootstraps American-conservative coded

All of the examples given for "inappropriate" (e.g. reproduction, decaying corpses) discussions to have with 8 year olds are conversations I had with my mother as soon as I could string sentences together. Tis the product of having a biologist for a mum.

Thank you Shaaba for putting yourself out there and speaking up about the disparity with the comments! I think even though a lot of us are aware of subconscious bias as a general concept, we might not be as perceptive of it in the moment when we’re watching different RU-vid videos, and it’s absolutely something that needs to be called out. The perspective you use isn’t purely personal, it’s absolutely an observed phenomenon, and I appreciate you speaking about it. 💖

Wooow the hair is GORGEUS!!

I've noticed the issue with the comments as well and I really hope that even though I have disagreed with Shaaba in the comments I haven't said anything mean or hurtful to her. Edit: I wanted to add that if I have said anything (though I don't recall and am admittedly too lazy to go back and find my comments) that was hurtful to Shaaba that I am sorry. I enjoy your videos and appreciate you providing with things like listen to while performing other tasks as that is a very important aspect of my day. Be well 💖

I remember the popcorn thing. I agreed with Jamie's verdict, but I remember thinking some of the comments were out of hand. I think I commented something about how I would probably do it if someone was bothering me with their phone and then said that I already yell at people for it. I also mentioned that at least in the US we don't have employees solely in the theater for assistance. I don't think that Shaaba's opinion was vad, just different from mine and I can't understand why some people make a federal case out of it

On the second one, I agree with Shaaba and Jamie that he's the drama for being stubborn and defensive with the teacher. But I think the whole explanation of trans and surrogacy and adoption and IVF would be a lot of detail for an 8 year old who was being educated about the rainbow flag for the first time, so I can see why the dad wouldn't go into that. Based on the phrasing, it seems like the dad is maybe not super informed on the subject himself. I think it's an opportunity for more growth for both of them. Hopefully he received some helpful comments from reddit and can do better in the future.

Bless The Click for introducing me to Jamie and thus allowing me to discover Shaaba, as well. Jaime and Shaaba’s marriage heals my soul.

I love that Shaaba says "squish" instead of "kid" or "child". lol that's adorable

Hope addressing the comments works positively because it isn't deserved

Rip yeah “anger” it’s really common in AITA channels/videos especially to the hosts 😭

Jamie you completely took the "in Sweden we answer honestly" out of context !! not cool!! the dad did not say that!! He said in Sweden we answer questions ABOUT BABIES honestly. which he probably pointed out, because some countries (like the US) have political fights about sex ed and "protecting" children by not answering or lying to them about questions around sex and intimacy. I hope you can see how you misquoting him completely changed the meaning and I hope it was just a mistake.

The rotting corspe comment made me giggle so much. My mum from a very young age of about 5 used to say, "I'm not rotting in the ground being eaten by maggots. Burn me, " but we were bought up where there is no heaven and hell. That when you are gone you are gone. I just accepted it.

you guys are so cute i can't- gosh also shaaba, brownie for you for addressing the comments!!

Well done shaaba ❤ thank you for being vulnerable, honest and an excellent example 😘

Shaaba's face dropping at the first AITA title was so funny 😂

Childhood flashbacks when they're talking about homeschooling. My parents so totally hid that gay people exist until I was in high school and I suddenly was meeting them. After that it took me years to reconcile and figure out my own stance and identity with all the new information I suddenly got. It was a weird day when I realized that what I'd felt for some girl friends was more than just friendly 😂

The second story is SIMILAR to something that happened to me recently. Context : I have a MILD disability where I need a walking cane (Cerebral Palsy or CP for short - cerebral means brain & palsy means movement - it affects the motor part of the brain and skeletal muscles) I ALSO have a lot of trauma from people wanting to help / hug me to the point where if I’m screaming “no” - “stop” or “don’t touch me” they act like I’m happily going along with the hug, even having my mom or a close friend (depending on who I’m with at the time) back me up doesn’t always work to teach them that, while yes, CP makes me have awkward balance, I’m an adult, if I need help, I’ll ask… I also LOVE fun costumes Story : I went to my physical therapy gym in my Easter Bunny costume to say hi to everyone even though I didn’t have an appointment that day. While I was sitting, talking with my physical therapist (we’ll call her “K”) the receptionist, who I barely know, practically kept over the desk, sat right next to me and started hugging me before I could even blink… all WAY to much, I was NOT comfortable with this, and EVERYONE ELSE knew I had a “don’t touch me without asking” boundary because of my trauma AND CP…. I’ve used the phrase “I felt like I was (r worded) to explain how I felt during that time…. Verdict : ESH - OP, didn’t have to get defensive with the teacher, the teacher didn’t have to get angry before she knew the whole story, OP’s kid could have said something like, “I don’t want to be kissed” instead of mentioning anything about the LGBTQ+ and lastly the other kid should have known better than to start kissing people without asking first - CONSENT IS CRITICAL - PERIOD, FULL STOP!

0:50 - I relate to this so much. I giggle and joke around when I'm nervous or uncomfortable. I'm also really bad with social situations, so when I'm interacting with someone I don't really know, I tend to sit there like a fool, giggling and joking about things. This is annoying at the best of times, but downright horrible when you're in a situation where you want to be taken seriously (doctors appointment, wage negotiations, you name it) and you're there all "😂🤪". I can mostly control the jokes, but the giggling... I hate myself for it.

First AITA sounds like a case of "Cinderella Syndrome." My cousin went through this with her dad and step-monster and it turmoiled over DECADES; it ended tragically and it still boils my blood.

Jamie, you can ask the Click questions about Sweden.

Hey Ms. Shaaba and Mr. Jamie (it's good to see y'all again) 😊

YESS A NEW PODCAST EPISODE

Regarding the stepmom situation, my heart went out to OP when they mentioned that the dad didn’t tell them about the relationship/marriage. When I was a teenager, my mom had a live-in bf and his daughter lived with us. They were together for five years and were planning to get married for more than a year before my mom told me. I found out about it a week after he proposed because I’m not that dumb, she obviously had a ring and I overheard a conversation where she referred to him as her fiancé. I never said anything, just waited to see how long it would take her to tell me the truth. They were engaged for over a year, EVERYONE knew-family, mom’s friends, stepsister, aunt, grandma, etc-and all of them were told not to tell me. My aunt and my stepsister were the only people who knew I knew and I made them both promise not to tell. Mom didn’t tell me until like two weeks before the wedding was supposed to happen. There are a lot of reasons she didn’t tell me and I don’t think she even knows why, but it is quite hurtful to be lied to about something that affects you as the child in a situation like that, especially when you’re in your upper teens where your establishing your independence and autonomy but also still in a position where changes like this do affect you. It’s also one of those situations where like the lie is worse than the truth. Like it wouldn’t have been as big of a deal if you hadn’t made it a big deal by keeping a secret from someone whose life is legitimately affected by your actions. Idk that part just hit me right in the childhood trauma button😅

I honestly sometimes wonder if the whole premise of homophobia boils down to this kind of explanation to children; what the dad has failed to do is make his child feel comfortable exploring all the different aspects of his personality (whether he grows up straight or Rainbow), by 'othering' LGBTQ+ relationships w/o any real context for his son to understand. The dad doesnt seem to have done it with any intent, but w/o taking accountability and correcting it he may well have encouraged his son to go down a worldview unintentionally. One of the reasons I love watching RU-vid Rainbow couples like you or Jessica KF's channel is because I am a millennial Rainbow kid trying to build a life and adult w/o having ever seen examples of rainbow relationships in my life. It's very hard to imagine life's possibilities for yourself when you have never seen them. These convos can change the world ❤

This comment is for both of you, not just Shaaba, also the rest of the Peaches and Spuds - Weighing in on the topic of explaining difficult topics to kids, especially neurospicy ones. I am a Queer Autistic parent of 4 Queer Autistic kids, for reference, so lots of experience in this area. 8 years old is absolutely old enough to be having conversations about procreation, religion, and other complex things. Even Autistic kids who have rigid black & white thinking patterns can understand. Simplifying things to the point of inaccuracy is not helpful. We're atheists and what I tell my kids is that after we die our bodies return to the earth and no one knows for sure what happens to our consciousness, then I follow up with several examples of beliefs about the afterlife from different traditions and reaffirm that all beliefs are valid even if we don't share them. These conversations start around age 4 in our house and get revisited anytime a person or pet dies. In regards to Pride flags, sexuality, and procreation - obviously one doesn't want to get extremely graphic with young kids and everyone's comfort level is different. I try to stick scientific terms regarding procreation, but that means talking about different cells (gametes) from each parent/donor combining in either a uterus or lab, that sort of thing. And providing examples of different family types. We're lucky to personally know other families with same gender parents, trans parents, throuple parents, single parents, etc. A child of 8, in most cases even if Autistic, is old enough to understand most of this and it's important to revisit these topics as your kids age anyway. My trans daughter understood it well enough at age 5 that she grieved her inability to carry a pregnancy, then made up her mind to become a parent through adoption. Even though she seems to be a lesbian now that she's older and could possibly procreate with a partner, she is committed to adopting.

If a kid doesn't get school lunches and isn't provided any lunch by the parents/guardians, the teacher should absolutely question their parenting. This is only the first example that comes to mind

Shaaba has a very Kant way of thinking and that's perfectly valid and acceptable. i may disagree but that's the beauty of socializing, learning about different perspectives

Glad you addressed the bias against you, Shaaba. I feel that a lot of us stop at knowing it's there, rather than calling it out. Rather than doing something about it. Thank you for the reminder to stay actively learning and growing, and to be kind. From a longtime fan and someone continually working to aboid ignorance.

I’m going to clarify that I work in the medical field: my kids get the conversation starting from the sperm meets the egg to make the baby, that the uterus is also called the womb & the womb is the room where the baby grows. & then follows the development process for the baby. They also learn that the vagina is special exit for the baby from the uterus but that sometimes babies need to born by surgery where the dr takes the baby out of the tummy & both are valid forms of birthing. (My oldest was a curious 4 yo when I was pregnant with the middle one. Who, incidentally, was born by emergency c-section.) Also it’s important to talk with your kid about what is appropriate to say to others. We got called to the principals office when my oldest was 5 because they told an upperclassman how babies are actually made. They said “but he said that his mommy/daddy are going to the hospital to pick out a baby to bring home. That’s not how it works!”

My son is also autistic and does the long conversations on how the world works and why. I find the best approach is usually to start simple but true and go from there, and to make yourself EXTREMELY comfortable saying "I don't know, but this is what I think. What do you think? Shall we look it up?" Sometimes it gets uncomfortable. Sometimes it leads to learning things yourself. Sometimes you think you're going to tell a very age appropriate, easy to understand version of a topic and instead find yourself debating the merits of the death penalty and incarceration with a small child. He's 11 now and I've lost count of the amount of times he's surprised me in either direction with his understanding or knowledge of a topic.

As an atheist who raised 3 kids, you tell them not to talk about religion. They understand that from a young age. My son at 9 yrs old got bullied really badly by some Christian kids. It got so bad I had to address it with the principal. Had to hand over my lawyer’s card and told them if it didn’t stop, they’d be hearing from her. All because he didn’t discuss religion. It’s the Christian kids who are the problem. But it’s safest for them to just say they’re not allowed to talk about religion because that’s not a part of school.

I’ve experienced situations where requesting for gifts I’d given to be returned to me felt like the right thing to do ~ my relationship with my family gradually deteriorated over many years of disfunction and abuse, and there were several moments where I caught my siblings in the process of throwing my gifts away, and there are still moments when my mother abuses my gifts as an excuse for her abusive behavior, claiming them as proof that she was a beloved mother and that my current feelings towards her and my childhood are imagined and therefore invalid. So anyway that’s one reason to ask for your gifts back 🤷🏼

37:29 My sisters and I grew up without religion. When I was 5 or 6, my mom explained "life after death" to me like this: "When a person dies, their body goes in the ground, where it is eaten by worms and turns into new soil. This soil feeds flowers, which in turn feed butterflies and bees. In this way, there is a piece of the deceased person in every butterfly or bee." And I still like the image of my grandparents flying around as hundreds of butterflies and bees.

22:41 I agree with both Shaaba and Jamie. It does feel like the dad is letting the SM walk over him a bit, and how he’s not standing up for their own child is weird. Another point I agree with that Shaaba pointed out was “they may be a difficult child, but there’s almost always a reason.” My 11y brother is currently in 6th grade. One of his friends was abused at home and it showed at school. The kid was highly vulgar and aggressive, but fortunately he was sent to a different school away from their parents

The mutual playful teasing at around 23 minutes reminds me so much of my partner and I, the unserious insults that never actually hurt through big smiles, it's so sweet

Hey, Shaaba. I wanted to chime in about the opening and say that I'm sorry the comments haven't been very kind recently. I left a comment on the popcorn story as well and I want to add a perspective. In no way does this discount the unconscious (or conscious) biases, but I think the reason I commented is that when it's both you and Jamie, it feels like it's more of a conversation that others can participate in? Like I've never commented (to my recollection) on any of yours or Jamie's vidoes individually, but when you're together we have more ideas to build on. Now, I haven't seen or read the comments in question and maybe they were a bit nasty and there's no excuse for that. But maybe more peaches enjoy being part of a larger conversation and I hope that's part of it!

I love it when Shaaba calls people “nuggets” . So cute

I almost never leave comments in comparison to how much I watch videos, but I just want to say I appreciate the discussion at the beginning and how thoughtful it was. Regardless of whether or not I’ve agreed with your opinions (though I do feel like largely we end up on the same page), I think you always both do an excellent job of explaining your thoughts and reasoning, so even when I disagree I definitely see where you’re coming from. I’m sorry that the comments have been more critical than normal recently, and I hope that the little chat you had at the beginning make people reflect before they impulsively type out a response that is perhaps worded more strongly than they mean (the internet does that to people, it’s weird)

Story 1 sounds exactly like where things were heading with my ex before I filed for divorce (constantly berated me for costing too much money and not "contributing" enough & tried to convince me to do a game over on myself.) I'd say that child should get as far from them as possible as soon as possible.

Maybe aome people need to rewatch Bambi and listen to what Thumper says: "if you cant say something nice, dont say nothing at all."

I dont normally comment but I just dont understand that people commented like that, Shaaba is so sweet and prides herself on creating an open, welcoming place. To me the way the comments were worded were just harsh. I personally disagreed with Shaaba as i judged the specific situation like Jamie (considering the context) but i understand that Shaaba was judging the principle behind it. And in other videos, she talked about considering patterns of behaviour, like if the OP then went on to chuck popcorn at a load more people cus they were deemed NTA, then it would be wrong. So as an isolated incident no real harm was caused but if it continued then it could, like as Shaaba mentioned if it hit someone in the eye the next time. So while i disagreed with the badge i understand her viewpoint and its something i didnt consider before, which is what these videos are all about. In the words of Muma Shaaba, be kind and have a great day

I did something similar to story 2 when I was a small child (around 6). I had a friend who had a single mother. I told her that was impossible because you needed a mom and a dad to make a baby. My parents are biologists and we watched a lot of nature documentaries so I must have gotten it from there. My friend had an existential crisis and my parents felt terrible. They had a conversation with me afterwards.

So glad for you to point out, what I have sometimes reflected on myself, before. There were times I disagreed with you, Shaaba, and always thought first about exactly the point you make here (is it just my internalized misogyny/ racism/...)... and I really hope I did a good job in sorting that out myself before commenting. So good on you to verbalize it! Your channel should absolutely feel safe and comfortable. 💝

Shabba: throwing things is wrong Everyone: and I took that personally Jokes aside, everyone please remember to be extra kind. This is not the AITA subreddit, you are not on Reddit here. You are on a wholesome RU-vid channel so please leave the anger and negativity out of your opinions. Also to Shabba I’m so sorry this is happening. People on the AITA forum tend to be extra extra emotional and negative, and seeing all sides to a story or being compassionate isn’t on the majority’s priority list unfortunately. I know I’ve disagreed with some of your takes before but I HOPE i was kind about it? I don’t remember all the comments I’ve left but if I was ever negative towards you please consider this an apology 💖 thank you for calling this out

My 12 year old cousin is neurotypical. Has open access to TikTok, internet ect (too much even) The parents are one is open minded but with no experience, the other is quite phobic. We have answered questions, had open discussions, and she has met and loves a trans friend. If we see anything in a shop he may like she points it out and wants to, often has bought it for him. We’ve explained stuff in so many ways. More kid friendly, more scientific, blunt, but she still struggles to understand it. IVF was mind blowing. I cant imagine trying to explain it thoroughly to a 6 year old. Let alone an autistic 6 year old.

Shaaba your hair is so beautiful today! I think we should all give Shaaba a compliment and make her feel better❤

loving the hair today!

I LOVE you working together, more PLEASE!!

Hey Shaaba, just wanted to let you know that the quote isn't "hell is paved with good intentions", but "the road to hell is paved with good intentions". Since you've used it a few times in recent videos, I thought you might want to know. Although the way it's used doesn't really change, the meaning is a bit different and makes more sense irt that common usage. Also, I'm so sorry you've had to deal with all that awfulness from commenters -- and especially that it's become a big enough problem that the impact it's having on you necessitates addressing it, directly. I hope those people are receptive and that any who aren't simply leave, because the community you've built and fostered here is absolutely better off without them. Sending you hugs from Australia 💜

Off topic, but the story about babies just reminds me of the video where one parent goes “why did you tell our child I was foaming at the mouth while pregnant?” and then the dad chokes on food when realising the child hadn’t actually asked about “rabies”!