don't force me to be topless! r/AITA 

Similar thing happened to me when going to enquire about a tattoo. I asked if an artist would tattoo over self harm scars. The artist made me lift my sleeve and look at the scarring in the middle of the waiting area. Then he proceeded to say "you've made a right mess there, im not touching that!" Obviously never went back there and ultimately found a lovely lady to tattoo me at another studio. She also did a fantastic job at concealing my scars. So all turned out well

Interesting tidbit, my cousin got married a few months back and they asked that EVERYONE wear solid black to the wedding. The wedding dress was the only white clothing, and with her nearly black hair she stood out so beautifully, and everyone collectively looked amazing in black. Gratefully, no one had any issues following the rules, and the pics of the wedding party as well as any of the guests were amazing.

If I were the tattoo client. I would have told him that "no. You're wasting my time because you're refusing to allow me privacy, and that if that wasn't possible, you should have let me know beforehand." But I'm also confrontational when I feel like I'm bring wronged. I don't think she was a coward by any means, and her boyfriend only made a bad situation worse for her.

For the first one, why is it all on the child to have the discussion with the mother of the blended family? Honestly IMO while everyone has feelings, this woman has been this kid's mom their whole life and was told there were problems growing up and ignored them. Mom is the drama. Neglect isn't okay.

28:52 every time I have ever experienced a body modification that required my shirt to come off, I have been given privacy. Once it was a room souly used for sensitive tattoos and piercings, the second time, they didn't have any rooms, so they used a room devider and completely enclosed me in privacy. I never once had to ask for privacy, it was simply just given to me.

I had a tattoo done on my upper thigh, and I had to drop my pants to get it done, in an open space tattoo shop that was full at the moment. Before I even said anything, my tattoo artist offered me a privacy screen, without me even considering it possible.

Shaaba i do really enjoy these videos! I just want to point out that you may be a little biased when it comes to stories of parental abuse/neglect due to your positive experiences of adult reconnection. You put a lot of responsibility on the adult victim to always be the one reaching out and making their fanily understand when ultimately, it is up to their parent to acknowledge the hurt they caused even if they thought it was what was best. I do agree in the first situation the mother is allowed to be upset, but that she was adequately warned and was intentionally ignoring her child in favour of what she wanted to happen. Anyway, I did enjoy the video! Have a nice day 😊

story 1: Mom may have the human right to have hurt feelings, but she in no way gets to blame that on OP when SHE caused the problems and did nothing to console her child when, as the adult caretaker, she had the responsibility to make sure OP felt loved. Now she wants to play the victim and OP does not owe her so much as a texted apology.

I have a tattoo on my breast. My artist gave me a sticker for my nipple and brought a screen to hide me from everyone else is in the studio. There was a bit of a gap between screens because they weren't quite big enough, but every effort was made to keep me private without even having to ask.

with the first story i do feel like Shaaba takes the mom's side too much? I don't like the idea of OP having to go to the mom before accepting the in-laws offer, even out of courtesy, and i think it's rooted in the "respect your elders, honor your parents" mentality that can be so toxic and that so many of us are still unlearning. I do agree that a conversation with the mom needs to happen, and this isn't a "never go back again, fuck them, move on" type of situation, but i fully see OP as NTA/ NTD here. It was fully their decision to make and i don't think it's right to expect them to consult with their family first, or to pretend to to spare their feelings. We don't need to bend over backwards for others -who didn't put us first- just because "ideal" family dinamics call for it

For that first one, NTA. I might be projecting from my own family situation, but I'm inclined to think that Mum was just wanting to make it seem like her broken family was picture perfect. This is a two year relationship. Very normal to start going to Christmas and that kind of thing. Her child is an ADULT. Adults often do their own thing. That's part of moving out.

1st story: Op doesn’t need any other reason not to celebrate Christmas with her family other than the fact he doesn’t want too. Nevertheless his other reasons.

For the first one, I disagree that OP should need to talk to his mother before finalizing plans with his GF's family. He is at college, he is an adult, and while Mom can express her wish that he mught come home for the holidays, that is not an obligation, and if it's made one, then he'd be going home for the wrong reason. He's allowed to make his own plans, his own traditions, and be where he feels happiest during the holidays, without having to tell his mom first. Obviously, yes, communicate it once plans are made, which he did do, but I don't think he was being disrespectful to hold off on confirming until he spoke with mom. Especially as it sounds like she put pressure on him AFTER he told her had made his plans; imagine the pressure and guilt he might have received if he spoke with her before committing. Maybe he needed to say yes first as a way to protect himself from emotional manipulation, knowing he had already made up his mind and that the plans were in place.

The kid in story 1 has clearly been neglected his entire life. Mom should realize that loving your child is not the same as showing that love and caring for him. When the result is that he prefers to be somewhere where love to him *is* being expressed, she does not get to be hurt or annoyed. She made it like this. She should do some self-reflection on why her son made this decision, and start the conversation about this and apologize, instead of blaming him. It needs to come from her, not him. Believe me, he has tried to communicate about these things. But she is not receptive to it. Saying this as a child of neglect myself. Being neglected is difficult, because it does not mean there is no love between parents and children, but there is also not necessarily hate. But it still is a fucked up dynamic.

A white top to a wedding doesn't seem terrible. I would think a white dress is a bigger issue.

story 3: Time to find a new artist and scream your experience to anyone who will listen to warn other potential customers, especially women. Even if this particular situation got worked out, I'd never trust that person again to not put something permanent on my skin that I didn't want. I don't think people realize enough just how much trust we put into body modification professionals. And that jerk is no professional and needs to go out of business. You know what people do when they have a sudden cancelation? They call other clients to offer them an earlier appt or take a walkin, they don't act like a complete ass because they presumably would like to keep their business open.

You have the right to feel hurt by something, but feeling hurt doesn't mean you are right.

I'm so happy I heard that tattoo story. I feel so validated, except I did go through with getting the damn tattoo! To make a long story short, I sent in an image of a dragon that I'd held onto for over 10 years (couldn't meet with the artist before scheduling) and was very descriptive about what I liked about it (very sketchy, detailed, with a kind and ancient look to the dragon) and when I show up the guy had drawn this very stylized, cartoony, beefy, mean looking thing that was more fitting for a man in a biker gang than a young woman with flower tattoos who loves purple, pinks, and rainbows. He absolutely threw a fit when I said that's not what I wanted. Complained about how long it took him to draw it. And I caved. I asked him to tone down the muscles, take out the claws and fangs and have the dragon smile. It takes up my whole back. AND he never even finished it! I couldn't reschedule my last session, I called every day for 2 weeks leading up to it and kept being told he was gone and the couldn't take a message. He was gone in the day of, I was told. He wrote me down as a no call no show and the studio refused to give me back my $200 deposit! Now I'm too anxious to try and have the tattoo redone. I was an asshole to myself and I wish I'd had more spine.

1. NTD. OP's mom has had two decades to step up and tell her husband and in-laws, "My son is part of this family too, and you need to include him." He has tried telling her in the past how he felt, and she ignored him. Now he gets to move on, and she gets to feel the consequences of her own inaction. Also, something you have to accept as a parent is that once your kids are grown, they won't necessarily spend every holiday with you because they have their own lives now. 2. ESH, but OP is the worst. I was right there with Shaaba asking why OP didn't check her dress in advance. Then she would have had plenty of time to get it cleaned and repaired, or even buy something new. You can easily buy a wedding-worthy outfit for under $100, and way less if you can find something at a thrift store. One tiny mitigating point for OP is that the no white rule is about not looking like you're trying to upstage the bride, which she obviously wasn't in a pants outfit. But still, everyone knows, no white as a wedding guest. The MOH didn't need to call her out in such a rude way. She could have just raised an eyebrow and walked away. But OP at that point could have said, "I know, I'm sorry, I just didn't have anything else." Instead, she escalated it with a dig at what all the bridesmaids, collectively, had chosen. I suspect she was already feeling insecure about her own outfit, and responded by lashing out. It was extremely immature of her. I was going to give the bride a pass until the end. She didn't seem to be causing any drama for a while. But then she had to bring it up after the wedding. She could have chosen to either let it go or say, "I was a bit hurt that you wore white to my wedding. Can we talk about it?" Instead, she chose to bring up the fight, so a little bit of drama on her part there. But since OP didn't even say how she responded, I suspect her response was probably way worse. 3. NTD. The tattoo artist knew he was going to be tattooing a woman on an area of the body that is generally considered private. He should have made provisions in advance, such as arranging with the other artists that he would need to work in the back area, or having a screen. Failure to have that plan in place was already unprofessional, and raising his voice with a client who had a perfectly reasonable request was completely unacceptable. The BF also reacted badly. It is perfectly normal in our culture that women don't want to expose their breasts in public; just because they are men doesn't mean this should come as a surprise to them. Definitely leave the tattoo artist a bad review, and have a serious talk with the BF.

The $80 deposit is for saving the time for the client, which happens in a lot of similar job types. My sister is a massage therapist and they have a same day cancellation policy where you still pay half or full I can't remember the exact price bc the massage therapist may not get their time filled and they are hour by hour workers. Now the problem in this case is the comfortability of the client. If my sister literally pulled a table out of one of the rooms into the frickin lobby and told the client they'd have to pay if they canceled - she would get her a** chewed by her boss. And the client would 100000% have every reason to leave a shit review and take her to court. Again too much extra effort for an 80 dollar deposit, but good god that tattoo artist shouldn't even have a business. He was clearly overbooking clients and didn't actually give a hoot abt them either.

Shit parents have no right to claim time w kids

I live in Canada, and wearing black to a wedding is absolutely fine. Also, there is no rule that you have to wear black to a funeral.

Last story, OP is so so much NTD. This could have all been avoided if the studio had a policy of *asking* clients whether they'd be comfortable getting their work done in a front chair or not, and booking/charging accordingly. It's something the staff should have checked when the appointment was made, NOT day-of when OP showed up. Everyone's body exposure comfort levels are different, and it baffles me that someone who pokes tiny needles into strangers' naughty places professionally hasn't yet realized this attitude will lose them customers.

Re: that tattoo story - imagine that happening anywhere else. You go to the doctor for a mammogram and they say “times are tough, we had to hire on more doctors and can’t afford more space so we’re going to do your mammogram in the cafeteria” (and you still have to pay if you’re in America).

I'm honestly pretty comfortable with having my t*ts out in group settings where it's reasonable, and I still think OP in the tattoo story deserved better treatment than she got. She expressed that she was uncomfortable, and the tattooist should have found some alternative to offer her. That's just basic customer service and being a decent person

The tattoo one has my blood BOILING. I'm so hooked on this series! Thank you for making this content!

I'm always triggered by the "you're not even married" thing used as an argument for whatever (I also think it's a bit of an American thing, personally never heard something like that In Poland, maybe it's just my bubble, but honestly I don't think so...). For heaven's sake, a couple that lives together and whose relationship span is counted In years should be seen as an item, a team, of course they shoyld be invited places together, visit each others family and so on. You can get married In no time and for cheap, Just fill up the paperwork, book a date and pay the fee, easy-peasy done. Gives you the "stamp" of officiallity on your relationship, but doesn't make it REAL. And OP is not the AH.

I've only heard that you shouldn't wear black to weddings from like older people, but also I'm friends and family friends with a lot of goths and witchy people so I wouldn't be surprised if one of them got married in a black dress

I live in Canada and wearing black to a wedding is completely fine where I am, culturally. The only people I've ever heard have issues with that are some people who are elderly or extremely religious. Also, I have 30+ tattoos and in every studio I've been to they have had privacy screens and offered them to me - I've never really minded since the studios don't just have clear windows to the street, but I appreciate the offer.

when a parent says "you're saying these things to be hurtful" as a way to discredit what's being said it feels awful. No, I'm not saying it to be hurtful. I'm hurt, and I'm telling you how I feel. The problem is that mom feels guilty and hurt, and instead of taking those feelings and sitting with it so you both could have a conversation, she just dismissed your real concerns because they were uncomfortable. NTA op, but I do hope that one day you're able to have a real conversation with your family and things change. I'm not saying hold your breath, but we can always hope people will choose growth with you. edit: and the tattoo artist did not let her know prior to arriving to get the tattoo that this would be the case for how the tattoo would be done. He was ready for her to either like it or leave, but he had already decided to keep the $80 from the jump- that's why he just responded by getting louder.

Fun fact: The white wedding dress wasn't really much of a thing for Western Europe in the past (I think it grew in popularity when Queen Victoria wore one to her wedding.) I'm not from Britain, but my great grandmother actually wore black for her wedding and it was pretty common back then (for peope in her region anyways; she was catholic btw).

For the first story, I don't know why people never plan to have multiple holiday celebrations. Like why not spend Christmas eve with one group, Christmas day with another, and then the day after or the 27th with another group if there's a ton of people. Like my family isn't split but we've always had multiple day celebrations with different parts of the family.

Story 1 is so sad to me. All kids should feel loved and that they belong. Hope OP and Ember stay happy together and take these bumps as learning opportunities.

You should call it "Am I the rotten Peach" to fit your channel theme

I love that you changed it to 'drama'. In many of these scenarios, there are people who are unsure and hurt, and it seems like a respectful choice to not label them aholes.

I find it weird that the mum is demanding they go home for Christmas. The person might want to have Christmas alone, it shouldn't matter.

The boyfriend in that last story was an unexpected asshole, wow! So mean to say something like that to a partner... Also, hope you had fun at Mean Girls!

Story 1: kinda disagree about informing mum before saying yes. She sounds like the type of person to try to persuade you to say no and to take it as a personal insult when you still accept. “You knew how I felt and you still went”, stuff like that. OP is a grown up with a 2 year relationship and a place of their own, it’s wild that mum just assumed they’d be coming ‘home’ for Christmas without checking.

12:51 Shaaba, why do you always make everybody as responsible as everyone else? OP1 was the child in this relationship? Why isn't mom completely responsible for ensuring that her child feels like part of the family? This is HER actual job as a mother!!! She obviously wasn't paying attention to her only child as this child grew up in this unblended family. Now it's the adult child's responsibility to point out that they've never been part of this family? Nope!!!

No one is entitled to your body but yourself ❤

Its super cute that you call quotation marks "bunnies" 💖🐇🐾 I'm definitely going to try to call them bunnies around my niece & nephew!

The tattoo one got me. Every tattoo parlor I've been to always had private rooms or partitions for people's privacy. Usually, at least here in the States, stations are assigned to different artists, but you can say, "Hey, I have a client coming in tomorrow [or whenever] that wants a tattoo on his penis. So, I'll need the private room." And it'll just depend on if it's available. And yes, Shaaba depending on your jurisdiction it is indecent exposure. So, in our jurisdiction if I came out of the shower [naked, obviously] if I didn't have my curtains drawn and someone on the street could see me...I could either get a citation or be arrested (arrest would usually happen if the individual that saw my "bits" was a minor).

For the second story, I would not try on dresses before a wedding (if I wasn't in the bridal party). In fact, I probably wouldn't even think about what I was planning to wear until the day of. And, I must confess, I have occasionally put dresses aside, thinking they were still clean, only to find out it was actually dirty. Everyone's different, and not everyone super cares that much about what they wear. I also have put on weight, and realised at the last minute before an event that I have fewer options than I thought I would. That being said, she probably could have worn another top. I don't think it's a big deal, though. I thought the white rule was more regarding wearing dresses so there's no confusion about who the bride is.

If you are ever in Gothenburg, Sweden and want to get a lovely tattoo in a room that is completely hidden from the world (using window-plastic so you still get light) by people who are truly amazing (both of them are great, but Caja is the artist who has done all of my tattoos over the last 12 years), I cannot suggest Ed's Bodyart (Eds Kroppskonst) highly enough. Good people, resonable rates, low deposit, good work, and I always feel welcomed and well cared for. Also, both Caja and Eddy are completely fluent in English.

The last one with the tattoo really got me! I’m getting a tattoo next month and I’m travelling a couple of hours to the artist and I’ve been able to ask all kinds of questions such as what’s best for me to wear on the day and in the booking message it says absolutely no filming is allowed in the studio to respect the other clients. My tattoo is going to be on my ribs (more to the side going down towards my hips) I asked what would be best for me to wear as I understand some might go where my bra would be and they gave me all kinds of suggestions and assured me I’ll be made comfortable with my dignity/safety being the forefront of the experience. So I’ll be wearing a bikini top that’s got strings to tie that allow me to adjust when he works on those areas. This guy who was trying to tattoo in an open space where the PUBLIC could see is an absolute no no, they should have let the client reschedule to a time they were confirmed it would be in the back and kept the deposit with the booking. I’d never go back and leave a bad review as well as tell anyone I knew how bad of an experience I had. Also boyfriend is a turd for his comment it’s just uncalled for!

second comment: My tattoo artist was in an open studio and she put a screen up when i got my sternum tattoo, she also bought nipple covers for that situation and gave me those. she moved studios and my friend got a sternum tattoo from the same artist at an all women shop and they just had no one else tattooing that day so we had the shop to ourselves. I have no idea why the artist would do that, but my friend (the artist i’ve mentioned) has had multiple people come to her after male artists berated them or bullied them. its a huge thing in the industry she’s told me about, refusing to do tattoos on certain body sizes, saying mean things, mocking the tattoos, etc.

Omg not Shaaba making sure the dominatrix clients feel represented!! XD I love you so much.

One of my favorite things since coming out as Non-binary, it's happened 3 or 4 times now, is when someone says something about "men" and my automatic indignant response of "I'm not like that!" turns into, "Oh, yeah not a man. Woo!". Still a "not all men" response, but it's a dislike of generalizations more than anything now.

As for the guy story about preferring Ember’s family, I totally get it. I come from a severely broken home and I have always felt more at home with my in laws than my own blood. But my parents are surprisingly aware of and it and never made me feel bad about it. I equate them to teenagers who knew the messed up and don’t want to bring attention to it.

1-800-DRAMA was an absolute delight, but always excited to have Shaaba all to ourselves~

Would love to have a special episode of the 1-800-drama podcast thats "1800 - drama" where you both react to vintage victorian era drama (like newspaper published insults and rebuttals, or the fossil wars that involved faking dino skeletons to one up each other etc). Love the drama podcast and also the monday videos! Thanks for considering my silly suggestion! Jaz (he/they).

I only give my relatives 4 hours during Christmas. And mental health is so good now. Last year, I left town and spent 4 days with a friend and my dogs.

the mother of onion is the single best thing I've heard this year so far

I have my whole chest tattooed, and every single time, it's been in a private room. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that in front of a bunch of random strangers AT ALL. I don't blame the OP at all.

When my mom was married to my step-dad, his family never made an effort to get to know me or my sister. They just expected us to be there every holiday. They also never treated my mom like she was fully part of the family either; when step-dad's mom died, his sisters decided there would "be no input from spouses" on what to do with assests and inheritance, but that was really in practice just an excuse to exclude my mom from any decision making because all his sisters included their spouses (mom was married to him for 8 years at that point). When my mom divorced him after 13 years of marriage, his family immediately accused us (me, mom, sister) of not being friendly and never trying to get to know them. I really empathize with OP in the first story because I know how it feels to go to Christmas after Christmas and have it made pretty clear that you are not family and not wanted there. I was 12 and sister was 2 when mom married step-dad. None of his family have tried to contact at least my sister, who actually grew up knowing them, in the 4 years since the divorce. OP's mom is entitled to her feelings, but if OP has been part of the step-family since the age of 2 and still feels like an outsider? It's probably not OP's imagination. I love your videos, Shaaba, and I love how you try to think about all angles of the situation when giving an AITA verdict, even if I come to different conclusions than you.

13:50 I think another good option would be for OP to let their mom know they will be at their girlfriend's for Christmas when all the group celebrations are going on, then visit their mom on a quieter day without everyone else around.

you're overthinking her last minute wedding outfit for the last minute wedding. its very obvious things just panned out to where she was in that situation and had to throw something together out of what she had, it happens to everyone. especially since she already seems stressed out on a day to day basis, its not unthinkable that she assumed she had something clean to wear when she didnt and then had to throw something together.

Happy to see the same sentiments from other people but I'm so excited that we get both! Love solo Shaaba and her with Jamie

Where I live in the U.S., Small Claims Court isn't like a huge court case. You deposit a filing fee, you both submit your evidence, and then the person who is in the wrong ends up paying the fee. A couple years ago it was only like $39 to file. In the end, the tattoo guy would pay it out, and the client would get the fee back along with what she was owed. 😊

about the first story, I (22 afab) got together with my gf (23 mtf) about two weeks before christmas and she invited me for christmas, I said yes because I wasn't planning to go to family for christmas either way (family is hella christian and it ruins christmas), which resulted in my first normal christmas! my family doesn't know still but to be fair I guess they didn't make it a huge deal *because* all they do with christmas is go to church a few more times

I like AITAH better than "drama". Drama seems like a chronic personality flaw- while we are all a**holes from time to time. It seems more empathetic.

9:23 omg the family portrait thing! Being an awkward floater going between the two! I’ve never heard anyone else relate to this, took me and my counsellor so long to come to this conclusion about my setup and issues too! It’s so nice to not be alone here. I always talk about it in terms of units; the rest of my family have these solid permanent units where everyone would consider themselves part of this same setup (and take it for granted that everyone there tolerates each other enough to be in the same room 🙄) and it’s so automatic for them for Christmas, birthdays, graduations .. then there’s me lol. I feel extra understanding towards you and how precious your setup with Jamie and your cats must be; it’s taken me years to learn to stand up for me and *my* unit with my partner. I now realise why it’s so important how solid I feel with us and our pets, and have had real strain with one parent really not respecting that (funnily enough, especially now that my partner has come out as trans 🙃 snap! - which has in fact led to me and that parent going no-contact). It’s such a big deal and you can really not realise how much it affects you throughout childhood!

the tattoo story: there SHOULD be privacy screens if the clients want the privacy??? and you should definitely not be seen from OUTSIDE

The wedding one: I was in a similar situation to OP when it came to my cousin's wedding. Sure, it wasn't a quick wedding and I had time to get a dress, but I knew that I wouldn't have any dresses that would fit me (I also gained a lot of weight beforehand) and I did the craziest thing. I went to the store and bought a dress. 20lbs is a significant amount of weight to gain (I'm not saying it's bad to gain it, I'm just saying that it's a significant amount). It wasn't a couple lbs. You know that clothes are probably not going to fit you, so you plan ahead. Try on the dress and if it doesn't fit (or in this case: mysteriously had a broken strap and was dirty), then you can make the necessary adjustments. It's not rocket science.

OMG the wedding one. OP is wearing effing pants. PANTS. MOH wants to cause drama. OP's cousin had no never mind until MOH even brought it up.

For that last one I would’ve made a SCENE! I would’ve started getting just as loud as him if not louder. I would explain my situation very loudly so that everyone can see exactly what I’m mad about and I would’ve recorded the entire thing. This whole situation has made me LIVID! It would be one thing if he kept the deposit for OP’s next visit, but he used the excuse that op was WASTING his time when it was in no way op’s fault.

I love how I found you because of Jamie and now you are one of my favourite RU-vidrs 🙏 I love when you post, always look forward to it!!

For christmas, we do our best to plan supper around when people can be here. Sometimes it's the 23rd, all the way to the 26th. The solution is to be flexible.

“Thou shallst showesh thine torso or else!” - Leviticus 4:29

It's like KMK who calls it "Am I the Scallywag" - we like the wholesome terms as yes A - hole can be a bit much

I could be wrong, but it seems like the first OP made a good faith effort in the past to let his mom know he didnt feel comfortable in the family. I've been in similar situations with family where I've made my needs clear, still everyone behaves oblivious and then blame me for setting harsher boundaries in the face of unwillingness. Mom may genuinely want him, but if she hasn't been actively listening to him all these years it makes sense to me he wouldnt FEEL wanted by her either.

Excited for the podcast!

Oh I love heartbreaker! I took my partner there for their first tattoo. The pepper kept trying to sit near me when I was trying to hold their hand 😂

Story 1: It sounds to me like the OP has in fact had this conversation (not feeling like he belongs) with his mom before. "My mom never really got it or had much to say about it." Like, it sounds like either they've had the conversation many times and she just doesn't see or acknowledge how he is being treated, or he has just noticed that she has stood by for his entire life and witnessed that his experience always consisted of having "any inclusion [in things being] lesser than full inclusion" and didn't see anything wrong with that. It sounds like he was always treated as the 'afterthought' child by pretty much everyone, and his mom does not understand why he would want to be somewhere where he is not treated as an afterthought.

When I've been in tattoo studios that are open concept. There's always been atleast 1 room for private tattoos and they've had portable privacy screens they can put around individual stations. Not having a available private space for a client getting a tattoo in such an intimate place is unacceptable

11:52 and I think OP said the mom never saw what OP was feeling.

28:57 I’m a tattoo apprentice and one thing I’ve been taught (and thought was common sense) is to always always ALWAYS offer some kind of privacy for clients regardless of what the tattoo is and where. The fact that they said it’s whatever basically was SUPER unprofessional and they should have accommodated the client.

I have also made the faux pas of wearing black to a wedding in my younger days! I feel better that I'm not the only one who's made that mistake.

Holidays and families.... My now husband and I had only been dating for 1-2 months when my mom started discussing Thanksgiving plans with me. She assumed I'd come up and stay several days with them but I immediately shut it down, sprang it on her that no my new boyfriend would be coming with me AND we'd be making the drive back down to squeeze in seeing his family a bit on Thanksgiving as well. 😅 I'm so thankful that my mom is use to me dropping bombshell decisions like that and was willing to accept the sudden change of plans. Overall things obviously worked out and now we are married. Both sides of the family are totally understanding especially with us having kids that holiday visits are going to be alternated or visits might happen on a different time in the month.

The woman with the black/white wedding clothes also has small children, so I think that warrants a little understanding regarding preparing wedding attire appropriately 😊

So not technically like the tattoo one, but also with a similar vibe. I had to go into hospital to get some heart monitoring done. Took 5 minutes but I was lying down, completely topless with. Bunch of wires attached to me. This in general made me uncomfortable but I put up with it. But then the doctor gets up and leaves the room, to get something, and left the door open, so anyone walking past could just look in and see me lying there fully exposed. I was furious. But I was also at an age where I wasn't confronted with confrontation and didn't say anything about it. They have these wee screens round the doors in most rooms that they pull round so there's a double barrier, but she didn't even bother with that, just wide open door. I was mortified.

A lot of my friends and family are goths or some kind of alternative so it's actually kind of surprising if people don't wear black to a wedding 😂 my bridesmaids all had black and red dresses. My mum and my nan and several other people actually wore white to my wedding and it didn't bother me at all because they weren't wearing wedding dresses and they were obviously not the bride lol

I really enjoyed 1-800-Drama. I’m glad you are still doing this too.

With the first one- my mum and dad split when I was 3 so I’m very used to the system we use (I go to my dad’s every second weekend during the school year and during summer I stay for longer) Up until the age of 14 I always stayed with mum for Christmas (I’m much closer to her) but I wanted to stay with dad for once (mainly for my younger sister- I have 2 older step-siblings, 1 younger half-sister and a step mum) so I discussed it with mum and dad both separately and sorted it through communication and both were quite happy with the outcome. Now I alternate who I stay with for Christmas every second year and couldn’t be happier about it (I’m currently 17)✨

1st story: Conversations are nice if it is safe to have them, but if you know all you will get is shamed and hurt, then protect yourself. My family was pretty close before my grandparents passed and people moved, so we had big togethers every year. Some years people didn’t come, or dropped on for a short time only, and while there might be a little disappointment there was no shame. I think it is ok to say "oh, well we will really miss you" to show someone you want them and express your feelings, but anything else is manipulation, and no one should have to go through it. 2nd story: i agree with ESH, but the bride. Just feels like they were all petty and kinda vicious. Mean Girls, you might say. 😉 3rd story: the tattoo artist was awful! I unfortunately can't get a tattoo due to my health, but everything I have learned about the world (I am fascinated by it) is client comfort is such a big deal! There is a reason so many people find an artist and stick with them forever. It sounds like he could have worked with her and didn't. I don't normally like leaving bad reviews, but this is such a safety issue, especially for women. They need to know who prioritizes their ssfety, and who doesn't.

Just started the video, but I hope you have a nice day!

Lol, i gotta rewatch because your voice made me drift into a beautiful dream. Your voice is so nice

I got a tattoo for my 18th birthday. It was a small place so only 2 people were working and we had booked the 'day' (they worked from like 9 to 3 or smth but showed up a little late anyway) for one of them. It was chill as we all spoke (my brother was there as it was the place he was getting his sleeve done and my mum was getting one after me hence why we had the day) and the other artist waited for his client to arrive very visibly excited to tattoo someone (it was clearly a passion of his he had won awards and stuff). In passing we found out the client is from London and would be driving hours to see him. It becomes like 11 and no word from her so he tries to get in touch with her. As it turns out she had the wrong date written down and so had no idea it was today. It was so sad you could see his face drop. He ended up having to charge her again for the next time because she had taken that day away from someone else. Super sad but does make sense. Edit: I forgot to actually make my point. Anyway yeah this is a situation where clearly it was on her end (even if very unfortunate) so that's why she had to pay again. In the story it was THEIR issue they were too busy to provide their customers with the privacy they needed. They should've organized it better and foreseen this issue. Who would want strangers to see them half undressed??

Drama trivialises sometimes serious topics. Don't vibe this change although open to other replacements.

I was worried you wouldn’t continue with the original format as well! I’m glad

Loved the podcast! 💙

I think it's actually so important to call it a broken family instead of a blended one, because that's what it is. It's amazing if it actually works out well enough to create a new sort of extended family, ideally all children would feel welcomed and included and love. But even in such an ideal situation, there still had to be at least one family that got broken in order for this situation to happen. And if your own parents are divorced, the family from which you actually come from IS fragmented. That's just what it is. So, you may have and live in a blended family, but you come from a broken family. And of course, irl there isn't many situations that are actually ideal like that with all adults in the situation doing their job right, and kids never do receive the support, care, and unconditional love they are owed. It more than sucks, and it's always going to be a part of you, and it's so important and so freeing to realise that. A family with divorce is always a pathology (just like a family where someone died, to be clear, it's not a judgement, just a fact), and it's not gonna NOT leave a mark, even if your new blended family actually becomes a family to you (which, again, it doesn't always, not even often, and you're not alone if yours didn't).

1) love the podcast, glad you're alternating so we get this time still 2) heard superglue and yay! 🎉 3) look after you. Allow yourself to feel how you feel. We love you ❤

I love 1800 drama I'm so excited for new episodes and have just binged it :D

The tattoo story really makes me grateful for the studio I’ve been getting mine at. It’s sectioned into multiple rooms, with only one or two artists in each (there is one artist in a sectioned-off space of the reception area, but even that has a wall blocking a passing view-you’d have to actively go across the room and look over the wall to see the client, and I’m sure they have privacy screens when needed)

Shaaba, you've put a lot of work into building blended families. I'm hoping one of the things 1-800-Drama will let you do is share some of that insight, like specific things we can do to welcome people, or resolve conflicts. Your commentary is both insightful and entertaining, and having concrete examples could help others reflect on their own lives and the people in them.

In Italy, black is usually a colour people don't pick because a wedding is a chance to wear something more unique, but it's not really a big deal, lots of people feel comfortable in black or already own one. Of course there are some old-fashioned rules like not wearing the same dress twice for weddings, and there might be rules about not wearing black because it's associated with funerals, but if you are attending a reasonable people's wedding you should be fine 😂

Many years back, I was invited to a friend's wedding. She knew that I didn't really have the money to go buy new clothes. It turned out that after going through everything in my wardrobe that fit at that time, the only thing I had that was remotely nice enough to wear to a wedding was a black skirt and off-white blouse. She was wearing an ivory/off-white suit-dress, & my blouse was a darker shade than her suit, but not by a great deal. I *still* explained the situation & got her approval for my outfit. Due to various circumstances I couldn't actually tell her until the day of, but I came prepared with a less nice top in a different colour just in case. I know some people get really antsy about any sort of black or white at a wedding (unless you're a member of the wedding party), but most of the folks that I know -- at least in my GenX age bracket & younger -- seem to be ok with black (especially black skirt/trousers) & any sort of not blindingly white (and definitely less "formal" than whatever the bride is wearing). I do agree that cream trousers & white blouse (even under a jacket) seems like it wouldn't work, & that she absolutely could/should have chosen another top, but just wanted to point out that black/white aren't completely verboten at western weddings, at least not in the last 20 years or so.

I absolutely loved the podcast, but I also love these solo aita videos that you make too.

I know you said we would have spicy shabaa but we had FIREBALL SHABAA