I had to learn and am still learning not take on people’s problems as my own. I’m a fixer, so i always wanna fix like Tam lol but i definitely had to learn that not everyone wants or needs that from me.
I think it's ok to gently let people know when their behavior is unethical or if their actions will hurt themselves or others. Too many people stand by and don't say anything and then people get hurt.
Laura Berg i 100% agree and still do to an extent. But taking on ppls problems is not where I am. I will always be there for my friends and will always speak my mind on the things that matter and need immediate attention, but it just depends on the severity of the situation more so for me now.
Being on your own and not doing much, doesn't make you lazy. It might just mean you like being by yourself or you've had a long day and need to recharge
That happened to a friend of mine, but instead of help my friend was beaten by his own family members(20+ ppl at his grandmother's house waiting for him) for the accusations. The molester was a preacher and his uncle whom he went to live with after his mom passed away. To this day he refuses to speak to the friend he confided in because she told and he almost lost his life. So you have to be careful with certain situations.
I'm an introvert. sitting and doing nothing with myself or with my hubby and our sons watching tv is me recharging myself from all the negative energies I encountered throughout the day. I will literally burn out from exhaustion from not taking some "lazy" time. Life is about balance. Find time to do some meditation, praying, journaling, or just sitting in your room in silence. I work to make a living, all my other time is self care and spending time with my family.
For some reason, All of my friends feel the need to confide in me about their sexual assault. Which, I am honored (?) that they feel that they can confide in me. BUT that is A LOT to take on. AND I could only imagine what they’re going through 😞
Yeah I remember when my friends drop that on me. The first one was hard because I was friends with her at the time and i talk to her almost daily and had no idea and then when we were drinking she brought it up causally and then told me how the after math and it made me so angry that she went through that alone and i had no idea. The second one was a shock but she didn't seem too scarred by it
I know exactly how you feel, only one friend has done it but I honestly can say it gave me ptsd. We were both in 6th grade & I didn’t know how to handle it, now when I go through stressful times I have dreams of things happening to me. Sometimes I wish that I could’ve heard her problems without letting it affect me but I guess since it’s such a big problem it hurts to hear.
I'm a dude with alot of female friends and I've heard about more than my fair share of sexual assault, honestly it makes me scared for my sisters, I think it has scared me too I always asking for permission to do anything sexual
@Camille Ollo I am a aquarius dude, but I'm pretty similar tbh. I just listen and observe mostly though. People come to me and like to vent cuz I just listen and don't judge. I been told I'm pretty damn wise so they appreciate a little advice thrown in.
Certain personalities absorb everything, so, just being in an environment can be exhausting and overstimulated, and they aren’t relaxing until they are just alone!
This is whyyy they saying dont tell you secrets you dont ask to hear if you tell me I have a secret and I say I dont want to hear it and you insist I'm not keeping it to myself especially if its stressful af to me
true! i'm also a fixer and it makes me mad when people come up to me with their problems, i cant help but give them solutions that they obvs never follow 🤦🏻♀️ so now i just nod and say oh aha yeah
I used to do that, not anymore. People don't want to hear a solution they just want to whine about the problems they got themselves into. Trying to help only zapped my energy so I stopped. Now I just let them talk and say "Hm, uh huh, yeah" and go about my business.
I went to a wedding of a friend who only allowed a plus one for pple she knew. If she did not know your significant other he or she was. ot allowed to come. I do not have a problem with it. She spent $200 a person on her wedding. So she had all rights to say who she wanted to attend.
I can relate with Tam bcz sometimes when I tell a person my burden it's because I'll be looking for solutions so I just assume they are telling me because they are looking for solutions from me..
Ok so here’s the thing right..: I’m the type of friend that won’t tell especially if you trust me ... and I stand by that and I literally won’t tell anyone , however I’d rather have a good conscious and not tell because it’s not for me to tell , it’s for the person who gave me the information to tell... I can be here for you and do right by you but you also have to do right by yourself and be honest... I understand being afraid of the unknown , but you won’t know what might happen if you’re honest so you might as well take a leap of faith and take whatever is thrown at you even if it is hard to take it !
I don’t like the term lazy... I feel like lazy can be referred to things that involves not wanting to because you hate or despise it , whereas being disconnected with something is simply not being interested in something because it doesn’t suit you or the things you’re into... I feel like the word “ lazy” is used loosely
Being like Tamera, taking on people's problem really left me drained. It only made it worse when I felt like I went out of my way and only got told "I didn't ask you to". So like Adrienne said, I try to not overextend myself. You have to really take care of yourself first.
My friend was sleeping around unprotected at 13 while in a relationship had many pregnancy scares multiple times and I kept that secret for 6 months without telling my mom and to this day no one else knows
She knows the jokes about white people wanting to name thier boys Timmy lol. My go to is Chros because here in FL I swear everyone is named Rob, John, Chris or Mike.
For real. I wouldn't do that to single people at my wedding. If you can't afford everyone, then maybe you can't afford a wedding. The guests pay for enough.
I had a very intimate, small family wedding. My husband and I wanted something just for us and close friends. We hiked up a little trail at the park and our best friend married us. A "friend" of mine (at the time she was a close friend) decided to bring her sister and the sister's deadbeat boyfriend to my wedding. We didn't know them. It was extremely rude.
Jeannie described it perfectly! My family always used to (still does) tell me that I'm lazy simply because I don't like doing the same things they do. I come from a family of partiers. They're always going to clubs or family parties but I would be perfectly happy sitting in the house with people watching a movie or something.
Tamera you gotta establish boundaries with those people and let them know not to tell you. And if they break that boundary, you should reconsider that relationship.
I can’t stand people thinking that you’re lazy because you don’t want to rip and run all the time.I agree with Adrienne that there is something kind of going on with people who don’t ever want to stay home.And trust me they need to sometimes to “take care of there home”if you know what I mean.lol
Those people are running from themselves and are never happy at home. My aunt and bro in law are like that. All they do is cheat and try to get away from from their spouses and kids at home. They're both narcissists too.
I’m the same as Adrianne I have a forgetful mind, you tell me now I forget next seconds, it’s why I never had problems with my friends. I forget their secrets lolll
If my nephew or niece's teacher ever call me assuming I'm the parent or legal guardian I'd go along as long as the problem is "non-parental" level. I am the cool uncle and wish to stay for a long, long time.
its called fatigue by empathy, we psychologists suffer it all the time listening all the time to powerful emotionally charged stories. if we dont do something to de-stress we can became ill even.
People always tell me things. Or they just talk about things in front of me . Even if it’s so deep they don’t seem to care. Probably cause I’m quiet as hell and I rarely talk so they think I won’t. Which I don’t. I just listen, tell my cat and forget.
It's not being lazy....It's enjoying doing nothing lol.... besides the key to true success in life is within.. so take time to unlock yourself to your highest potential.
I feel like if it’s a deep dark secret, the best person to tell is a therapist or counselor, you can’t always control if your secret stays a secret if you spill it to your friends.
People confide in me their secrets and it never occurs to me to repeat it. . . to anyone. I don't see the need for it to betray that trust. Even my worst enemy's secret is protected by me.
I don't care about planning a wedding and having all the people. When I married, my husband and I went to the Justice of the Peace. I just didn't want to plan a wedding. Too stressful and I didn't want all the people. My husband told a few people. Literally only a hand full. By the time the ceremony started and ended, we had so many people arriving to the court house. I told my husband, "I thought you only told a few people." He said he did but those people told everyone else. lol. We were outside in the hot sun taking pictures for 2 hours!!! It was nice to feel so much love that ones wanted to join us at the court house. We didn't do a reception. I didn't want to. I wanted it very simple. So different ones had us over for dinner throughout the 2 weeks. That was the best ever! So different and original. I couldn't have planned it better. As I'm telling this story let me tell you where I married. I married in Nigeria. I'm black American and my husband is Nigerian. So hence all the people showing up without an invitation. I send much love to my Nigerian brothers and sisters. :)
