I don’t see anything wrong with having another bank account because the way men act nowadays , you never know ! And just for emergency purposes period .
Right and plus back a few years ago when Tamar was on the show they was talking about married women should have a secret bank account just in case and they all was like I agree and that’s a smart idea 💯🤷🏾♀️
I had a partner who would talk about his exes and the mothers of his kids all the time. I knew all the stories. BUT he didn’t wanna know anything about my past relationships. As if that wasn’t torture enough, every time we get into a fight he would compare me with his ex. That was the most unhealthy relationship I have ever been in and I am glad I made it out in one piece..🙌🏽
the extra secret bank account filled with money got every African mum CLAPPING 😂😂. They always tell us a man may leave but your education or money won't!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
Exactly. He doesn’t need to know what you worked for. A man can be temporary security but we always need our back up. Plus we worked for it we don’t owe anyone an explanation of our finances.
It's really just preference. Some women just want to know. You can say it's insecurity. But to me it is really a matter of preference. Some women just want to know.
That’s exactly what it is! Don’t let that other women know that you care about who she is cuz that feeds her ego and makes you look not confident in yourself. خلية النحل Honey
I feel like it’s really not them one upping me because one- like loni said I have the ring you not one upping me regardless I got my man and second- the only reason I feel like I’d have to know about someone is if they pose a threat so if you feel like you HAVE to tell me about someone they are one upping me anyway
If you dream about your first fling for the rest of your life then you settled HARD. Not sharing your past is ok if it doesn't matter. However, that old lady clearly still got off thinking about her past lover. That's not healthy for you and unfair to your new partner.
Ladies don't let ur man feel as if he has a 100 percent hold on u. Thats when he's gonna start taking u for granted. Sometimes they dont need to know EVERYTHING, just whats important.
Being nosy is fine, but do you want to know about his ex because you want to know how he was and how that relationship shaped him... or do you want to know what she was like to compare yourself to her?
i would say both. if my bf went through something with his ex that gave him, let's say, trust issues, then i (personally) would like to know what happened so i won't do anything similar and we won't break up. learning from your past relationships and learning from others.
bruh i agree w loni n jeannie period. comparison is the thief of joy. when u compare urself to ur partner’s ex’s its ALWAYS messy. even if u find out u the “cutest” one, u still gonna be pressed wondering why he liked that girl n why she look different then u. don’t get held down by the past.
Why are you comparing though? Wanting to know something doesn't mean you're trying to compare. I like knowing because I don't like being a fool. I've been in rooms where GROWN women are petty. They will be like oh your boyfriend and iiiiii and try to say something. I'm not dealing with that bs. I always feel confident being aware of my reality. Your past is your past but it at some point will affect our future.
honestly I think the best things is to just ask, and if you don't like their answer dump them and leave. it's really not worth it. if he's been with too many partners, or way too invested in others it's just going to bother you forever. i'd rather stay single than be forever bothered by the past. nobody has to accept it, nobody has to get over it. i've seen so many people try to force themselves to think it's no big deal when it obviously is.
@@musiclovesoul33 exactly. Usually when she gives an example and she says "I had a friend who..." she's normally talking about herself. I would like her way more if she was her real self and not acting like a 8 year old nun
Depending on the situation. You have to keep SOME things to yourself, for yourself. But definitely having another bank account. You have to secure yourself IF something was to happen. Keep that to yourself!
You don’t have to tell each other everything. Just the important things. People are allowed to have some privacy 🙄. Separate bank account is important. Look at these stay at home moms who get divorced and have nothing. No job. No name for themselves. At least have some money to get you an apartment and food until you get your life together and never depend on someone to take care of you again.
Freddie? 2:12 Ok The Real youtube team, I know we’re gonna get flashback episodes but this is a little ridiculous. Topic thoughts: I agree with telling my partner just about everything. It’s those little things that you keep in hiding that turn into big things and honesty, trust and transparency is IMPORTANT to me in a relationship. There are things that you can’t and shouldn’t share (best friend secrets, specific details about past experiences, etc) but gambling debt and addictions? Nah fam.
Well it’s still an interesting topic that many women might need advice on, or many women are going through having second thoughts on sharing a secret or moving in. If you’re talking about the fact that she’s now a divorced woman, that shouldn’t matter. No one knew she was gonna get divorced. If she knew it, she wouldn’t have even decided to join the conversation. Plus it’s RU-vid. They’re gonna release what ppl want them to. It’s all about the content, and the content brings money.
My Mother told me longtime ago that it wasn’t necessary to tell my husband everything as well as when he was my boyfriend.I disagreed with her strongly I was younger and argued that you’re suppose to be honest with someone you love.lol I got older and experienced things in my relationships and marriage I came to see that my Mother was absolutely right!! I realized that men cannot handle certain things that you may tell them and what happens is that some of these things can cause problems in your relationship or marriage.And Im not even talking about big things,It could be something small.You can tell a man something in love and trust that you think will create a bond and he may process it and come to a completely different point of view about whatever it is you told him.And now he’s lookin at you sideways and you can’t believe that what you told him caused all of this.And men do not necessarily tell us everything.More times than not they don’t want to take a chance on telling us something that may cause us to get upset.So,They just choose to be quiet and not do all that damn talking like we do.lol
Kim Wright you are absolutely right. I believed in being completely honest and when I got my bf I would tell small unimportant things that would get him very upset and I couldn’t understand.
I don't tell my man everything and he doesn't have to tell me everything. I don't care who he's been with. He doesn't care who I've been with. We say what's important. Outside of that we don't think it matters.
Adrienne is assuming that the ex cares about the new significant other. Not everybody is trying to one up or feel like they got something over you. I’m sorry we’re all different but to me that’s whack. Like what if the girl doesn’t know you don’t know and she or he just doesn’t care.🤷🏽♀️
Because listen... whoever has my ex. Take him.. TAKE HIM. If anything I have one up on the new girlfriend because me and him are not together anymore. #HeWasTrash
I feel like people who move in before marriage or even engagement I would like to consider it a “test run” because it gives you the chance to see what would happen and get used to what they do in the morning , what time they do when they wake up , how do they do things around the house... and then once marriage kicks in , you feel like you have a sense of that person and took that time and figured that it worked for them and took the next step to be with that person as their life partner !
Anything regarding your mental/physical health like addictions or exes, I feel like as a partner I deserve to know. But having a separate bank account I feel is just about preparedness. You NEVER know what the future holds or what will happen between you and your partner. My mom said as a girl you should always have money set aside for yourself just in case.
@@yeetsmeluigi7718 if you're just dating, theres no reason that needs to be discussed on either part. I've tried explaining that to my guy that he doesnt need to tell me and I dont need to know
No. Secrecy in a relationship on either side is not ok. Secrecy is dishonest and once you break that trust it's HARD to get back. Privacy however is perfectly fine. Privacy and secrecy are very different. Privacy is a reasonable boundary and should be respected, secrecy is intentionally keeping something from your partner in a deceitful manner. As far as the seperate bank account goes? For as long as I've known what a bank account was, my parents have had seperate ones. They still know at the end of the day that everything they have is each other's, but I think the illusion of having seperate financial assets helps to keep the peace and prevent a lot of fights about money.
The secret account is a basic for a women. You never know what will happen next, but you can swiftly get out of it, if it happens 🙏 (gambling problems, beating, cheating) And avoid being the :"I have nowhere else to go" kind of woman. Because it's a terrible place to be in your life. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 Peace, Love, and Coconut
This is throwback. Wooh! But on the real, the majority of ppl have secrets and as adults you should know the difference between the ones that need sharing and the ones that you keep to yourself. It's good to have a little mystery. Also, having that second bank acct is not crazy, it's practical. I don't know if it's cultural or not, but my mom always told me to have a rainy day fund.
My husband asked me all sorts of questions from my past relationships and I asked him nothing. He still knows each and everyone of them and it's so annoying because it is used against me.
Gisela Im here scrolling thru the comments to see if anyone realized how stupid loni is!!!!! And no one has mentioned it. The stats were 30% don't make it passed 3 years and 14% don't even make it passed the 1st year....... She went and said she's a numbers person and stated that 70% make it 😂 obvi only 56% make it by those stats....
I think it’s a good idea to at least find out why they’re past relationships ended. It helps show how that shaped the person to who they are today and if the other person broke up with them- do they still have feelings? If they were cheated on or cheated themselves- that could impact your relationship. I know that people shouldn’t worry and people can change, however it’s being prepared for how the person thinks and makes choices. Like if an ex cheated, the person could have trust issues or if someone did the cheating, like I would want to know. By asking about their past relationships it helps set boundaries for yours with that person. I also think there is time and place for conversations, you don’t have to air out all your laundry soon. People earn that over time and that gives you more conversations throughout the relationship.
I think a lot of women are misinterpreting the idea of learning about their partner's exes and learning secrets that might sting a little. It's natural to be curious and to wonder where you fall alongside other women. This does not mean you are trying to use what you learn to shrink your own self-esteem or make yourself feel unworthy. Sometimes being curious is the reason itself for you wanting to know. I agree with Adrienne in that it makes you feel closer to your partner. Clearly, if your partner was with someone else at any point, there was a reason. It allows you to learn these reasons and thus learn about your partner. Also, Loni stresses me out in these episodes... and men absolutely care, especially the possessive ones! I really wonder what her life has been like.
I feel like hiding something because you don’t want them to find out and doing something for your own personal doings or future references just in case things don’t work out... gambling & following or stalking exes... that’s weird but a personal bank account is not a big deal! If y’all have a joint account that’s cool... but having a personal account too shouldn’t be made a big deal! But as far as things that can fr fr affect the relationship outside of finances then be 100% honest especially if you love that person and you trust them and you want them to trust you
I think honesty is better rather than keeping secret especially when it come to relationship with other people. In my opinion, couple should get married before moving in together.
JESUS CHRIST IS LORD FOREVER PLEASE LET US ALL REPENT AND SURRENDER OUR LIFES TO JESUS CHRIST OF NAZARETH. GOD ALMIGHTY BLESS US ALL IN JESUS PRECIOUS MIGHTY NAME AMEN.
I am for having a separate bank account. I don’t want to get my mans approval to do stuff with my money. That is so insecure I don’t care about what you did before me. My guy now tells me about his ex’s and sometimes i want to hit him in the mouth because I don’t want to know and I don’t care. When you tell us that it makes me go okay now I gotta check that so I don’t do it you can’t be who you really are.
I don’t believe in having a joint checking account, but a joint savings account. Like saving for a trip together or whatever you two want to get together. But don’t have a checking account together. My bf doesn’t need to know what I’m buying 🤣
Study after study show that living together before getting married actually gives you a HIGHER chance for divorce. Also, some couples will "slide" into marriage, meaning they probably wouldn't have married if they weren't living together but did so out of convenience or just settling.
Till we get married in next 5 years I will tell my secrets and the best way to tell someone a secret it’s to say hey I wasn’t ready to tell you some of the things just be polite
I completely agree with Loni! My sex/dating life is no ones business but my own. I’d rather not know about my mans ex people..no thanks. It would completely drive me crazy and create insecurity that is unnecessary. I’m the here and now and so is he. I’d rather spend time enjoying each other and focusing on that.
Loni: I'm a numbers person Also Loni: Forgets the 14% of couples that don't even last a year (meaning only 56% of the couples actually make it longer than 3 years)
Only in the sense when they may not be mature enough or ready in character to handle certain things. Even in the holy light. Too much information or secret holy information can’t be received right or properly. Let it come when the time is right.
I'm an open book with my man, but I believe there are things you have the right to keep to yourself and your higher power (like Loni mentioned) AS LONG as it does not affect the other person. If he or she should know, tell them. It all depends on the situation but in terms of money, I think it's fine to have a separate bank account but let that person know maybe?
Damn this is a hard one bc for example we all check in on our ex’s from time to time but my boyfriend tells me every time he does and days he feels guilty or just wanted to let me know. And sometimes I’d rather now know! Lol
Some people will convince their partner that everything is detrimental to the relationship. That's how narcissists can suck you in. You have to decide what is detrimental to the relationship or not, and then find a partner that matches those values.
The first question is something that came up in my relationship with my boyfriend. I wanted to know about his past but he didn't really care as much to know mine. He only asked me about mine after I asked him about his. His answer was kinda short sweet and to the point while mine was more detailed (mind you he had been in relationships before whereas he is my first boyfriend but I've had crushes). But he seemed to feel some type of way when I told him my past. The farthest I've gone with a guy before him is holding hands and being kissed on the cheek. (I know he wasn't/isn't a virgin.) Meanwhile, I wanted to know even more than what he told me, but I didn't want to pry. So guys are weird about stuff like that. They don't care and girls are nosy 🤷🏽♀️😂