(Giveaway) I Was Wrongfully Convicted of a Crime and Spent Years in Prison. After Being Exonerated.. 

I hate how the Father says "You should be grateful we are allowing you back." Like his Son actually did the crime, or something wrong. He spent 12yrs being punished for a crime he did not commit, and his family is acting like he's the ass when they decided to stop seeing him after 5yrs. They lied to everyone and are acting like he actually did the crime. He was exonerated, which means he was found wrongfully convicted. He was innocent. The family just want to ignore the fact they actually believed he did commit the crime.

the people who want to reconnect always seem to think the ball is in their court, no matter their intentions

How can you be ashamed of your son who was wrongfully convicted? That makes no sense at all. He did not commit a crime, yet, his family abandoned him. They should be ashamed. OP needed them the most and they abandoned them. They should be ashamed.

I'd rather have no family If i were him

The fact that his parents and sister BLAME HIM as though he committed the crime, view that he should grateful to be part of the family, and feel like he is punishing them for their purposeful abandonment of him is WILD. Honestly, his family should be much more repentantive to his suffering by their hands. The fact that his family "tries" to support his advocacy efforts proves that they really don't care about his past trauma and suffering, and they want to immediately play "happy family" as though something terrible didn't just steal more than a decade of his life and their own abandonment of him. If I was the guy, I would have WAY more stipulations for his family to follow if they want him back in their lives. He doesn't need the stress of trying to make a life for himself and coddle his family's wounded pride, especially when they stabbed him in the back and left him to rot in prison for a crime he never committed.

He must have had one garbage lawyer

So they were embarrassed by OP being in jail.OP should tell them he is embarrassed by a family that would turn their backs and lie about him.

How large was the compensation? Chances are the family just want a piece of it.

Frankly the reconciliation feels more like the parents are trying to make themselves feel better more than anything else.. it's like they think If they can get their sons forgiveness and just never mention it again,then they don't have to take accountability for the fact they left him to rot. People who never doubted their son, don't ignore him when he needs help.

With situations like these, you have to look it objectively rather than emotionally. The objective question is: can you justify their actions and what they said over the 12 years and where were they when you were in jail? From here we can get a tally of the score,: -they all (i assume) stuck by him through the court process - the visited him for the first 5 years in prison -they believed in his innocence - they abandoned him after 5 years - the parents lied to people about where he was -they forbade the sister from mentioning him -they were all embarrassed about having a son in jail -Op had to fight for his own freedom -Op had no one waiting for him when he got out -Op had to fend for himself while he got back on his feet -no one check on op to see if he had any where to go when he got out, so for all they could have known, he was homeless -they only contact him now when he's stable - the family is gaslighting him into rug sweeping their actions - dad and mom are acting like it's a privilege that they are even contacting him - sister is trying to put the situation on op and bring her kids into the mix to guilt trip op into rug sweeping - they all moved on and don't want op to confront them with what they did. With all this in mind, Op CAN'T and SHOULDN'T forgive or be in contact with his family ever again. Op had to drag himself out of the hole someone else put him into with 0 support and his family is only coming around now that he is out and trying to make him play nice and act like they didn't abandon him for 7+ years. So in their eyes, it's not their problem and he has to deal with losing a decade of his life and the trauma that comes with it himself so they don't have to deal with the fact they not only left a family member, whom was innocent(they knew that) rot in jail, they also have to confront front the fact they left him homeless when he got out and they don't want to do that. They want to sedate their own guilt at Op's expense. Op would be a fool to let people like that back into his life. Some things you shouldn't ever forgive or forget

Your story is incredibly intense and moving. It’s understandable why you’d hesitate to reconnect with your family after such a traumatic experience. How are you coping with everything now? Are you getting any support or help to reintegrate into society?

They abandoned you and denied your situation at your lowest point, so they don't deserve forgiveness. The problem is, I don't know your alibi, so I don't know if your family were in your presence of your alibi. If they weren't, then there could be an argument made of them not entirely believing your innocence. If they were there, then the shame overpowering their desire to help you kind of proves they care about you less than their own image. Either way, it seems they're only reconnecting to save face.

Honey, you dont need that toxicity in your life. Keep moving forward and wishing you much success! 😊

Nah, you don't need this 'family'

Who needs enemies when you have family members like OP's ?

they didnt LOSE YEARS of their lives because of a mistake, OP did NTA for not wanting to connect with them immediately

the over zealousness to use convictions to push prosecutors careers forward needs to be curtailed with consequences that match the harm done for convicting an innocent man. they should serve the time that the innocent man spent, that way they will be more earnest in their work, knowing that failure to perform the job of making sure justice is served, in carrying out the spirit of the law, will land them facing the same price they made those who they worked so hard to put in prison rather than working hard to see justice is done.

This is a perfect example of how some people care more about appearances than the truth. OP wasn't guilty, but being in jail made his family ashamed of it, regardless of his innocence and basically convinced themselves that he is a black mark on their family's reputation.

I dont think you should be the one making the effort. You were innocent but your father thinks you should be grateful they reached out? And they were traumatized? Wow just wow. They should have been your strongest advocate, fighting to prove your innocence and for your freedom. Instead they ghosted you. They have proven they do not have your back when it counts. The real question you should ask yourself is why would you want people whose love and support is conditional in your life? My advice focus on moving forward and create your own family who have your back and truly love you. It is rather meaningless now that you are out to cry and talk about family now. Since your sister was young I give her a partial pass but your parents are a big no. They are not worth the turmoil and pain they cause you. You can not make up for abandoning someone for 12 years and if you were still in jail they would not have reached out.

I'd just completely cut off contact with them. How dare they abandon him. How dare they expect him to just forgive them for abandoning him. How dare they get upset with him.

I went through similar situations and experiences when I went to prison. I had family members and so-called friends turn their backs on me. I also had a small group that went above and beyond for me. I still cherish those people till this day. I cut off every single person who cut me off and I have never been happier! I now know that the people in my life love me for me! And that they only want the best for me. I, in return would do anything in my power to protect and provide anything in my power to help those people. I now know what unconditional love and loyalty means. So I strive to continue my life on the right path to not take for granted the love and support they gave me. I honestly don’t regret cutting people out of my life. They cut me off first. I’m just respecting their wishes.

They left him in jail when he needed them the most then had the nerve to want back in his life

06:39 Many Reddit readers would surely advocate OP dump his family and "move on." But that would just leave broken relationships in your past, and those tend to multiply when people think "moving on" is better than fighting demons. It just becomes easier and easier to "move on." OP's family didn't betray him, they merely abandoned him. There's a difference.

This is tough to say. Yes, the family made mistakes, but they are human. In the end it is up to OP if he thinks it is worth it, but he only has one family. He lost out on 12 years, but giving up means he loses out on the rest of the time.

I think he made the right choice but I would make sure they or myself told everyone who was told op was overseas or at school and make sure they understand this isn’t a fast process and their discomfort is a price for abandonment and they should get used to it. If they try making the matter of being in prison as something small or didn’t happen then warned them of leaving them and denying any relationship.

I admire this guy's willingness to reconnect with his family, and I don't think it's impossible, but it will be really difficult. My main criticism of the family is that they only seem to want to love him when loving is easy enough, which strikes me as conditional love. It's kinda telling that they seem to focus more on their own struggles rather than OP, who's the real victim in all of this, and it's unfair of them to say he's punishing them when they're the ones who killed the relationship. I wouldn't say that makes them bad people--only human--but it is on the family to work on that. I think that while it would be good for OP to heal from his hurt and rebuild some kind of relationship with his family, at least some space from his family is needed for OP; he doesn't owe them anything, and given that they couldn't stick it out with him when things got tough, his independence is a good thing. And definitely also work on building new relationships which are unaffected by the stigma and trauma of the false arrest and subsequent abandonment.

It would seem to me that OP has to look logically at this issue. What exactly does OP have to gain from reconnecting after they abandoned OP. OP's family wasn't there for him when he needed them the most and left OP to deal with this trauma alone. Now that OP is out without the help or support of his family. They now want to reconnect when the heavy lifting is done, and to make matter worse. The family doesn't want to be honest with others about what happened to their son, because it will cause them to suffer and be uncomfortable. Not once considering how uncomfortable that jail cell was. What exactly does OP have to gain. A lot more heartache, that's what. OP would be so much better off moving to a new city and make a fresh start free from all the extra baggage the family brings to the table. No need to precede each family event with an explanation about OP's absence. Just move on and start fresh. OP's family isn't helping OP heal at all. They are constantly going to open old wounds. Always making OP feel uncomfortable and in a spot light. Unless, I missed something. OP's family doesn't bring anything to his life that can't be replaced in a new town with new friends and a new job. I have seen nothing in this story to indicate otherwise.

It's better to be low contact with your family for a few years and built your self also forms some new relationships first then start to reconnect with your family. Force reconciliation with so much bitterness will be hard to improve going forward.

The proper answer is to go and build new healthy relationships from the ground up and understand how they work so you can identify the problems in your existing relationships.

before the update, i was like "What the FUCK am i listening to?"

I will tell my family.... seeing how you guys abandon me for 12 years, let me abandon you guys for 12 years, and let see if we can make amends in 12 years

Dude, if things went down like you described, this isn't a red flag. This is a flag the size of ALASKA. Avoid them like the PLAGUE.

He should repair himself before he can have any repaired relationships.

This is a horrible family. Prison is a hellscape and there is constant threat of violence, both physical and sexual. He was an innocent man trapped in that cage - I have no idea what he endured and don't even want to know. They let him fester there without visiting all because of some sense of wretched "pride". The sister is less at fault but quite callous too. It's his family and life and I'm happy he wanted to mend those ties but I would have swiftly severed all ties and moved far from them. He is never going to be able to reestablish good relations with his family to the point these things are in the rear-view mirror. The best he can do is to be on once-a-month phone calls and holiday get-togethers, for the sake of his own sanity. The law on the other hand should be giving him at least $3 million for every year he was wrongly imprisoned plus full healthcare coverage and tossing everyone from the detectives to the prosecution to the judge and jurors behind bars for their twisted role in ruining his life. His youth is finished, it cannot get worse than this. And yes, it's harsh retribution and it should be - it would force courts to walk on eggshells when it comes to pronouncing sentences on the lives of people who pass through the system.

Your family members are very unfair to you. They are not thinking about your feelings at all. Plus they are projecting their issues onto you. This makes me question if they are worth keeping in your life.

with what has happened, it would be rehashing old wounds if you go back to them. It would be a sign of defeat if you did that. If you decide to go forward and leave what happened in the past, you will grow more., and get stronger. Stay with the therapy and go slowly in fixing yourself. You may not be able to get back with them at all, It may be more sensible to leave family behind and start with new connections and beginnings.

I think he and his family should stay in therapy He really needs to ask his family why they abandoned him and they ask for his forgiveness he should also keep distance with his family so that he doesnt spiral

Hes lost so much time why waste anymore on a challenging family that cast him out and disowned him over armed robbery that still get uncomfortable over their son being a wrongly imprisoned jail bird. This is a f'ing joke what happens if something else goes wrong theyll drop him like a sack of sh!t he needs to get the f away from them, being alone isnt the worse i use to think it was but im 33 and being surrounded by people that arent for you is far worse go and start your own family and be the dad your dad should have been.

Nice engagement farming, i think its okay to not have any opinions in some matters

I think mend your relationships with your family at slower pace than you are currently doing. Also, open up new relationships and friendships if available. I would also get a hobby that is totally unrelated to anything dealing with the criminal justice system. Keep working on your mental health but don't forget your physical health.

why does this brother sound like he is about cry ?🤣

The pain and suffering are never going to ease up even after years after every argument or at least after a major argument you are going to second guess yourself, 'is it worth it?' you would ask. If they ever ask if you of any kind of monetary help or otherwise you are going to ask yourself, 'are they using you?'. At the end your choice depends on not just if you want this connection with your family but also on how much they regret their abandonment. As of the post I feel they are asking and demanding and have actually offered no assistance or added value to your life. I could be wrong but what actually are 'they' doing to earn forgiveness. What are their efforts? Is it fair that you are the only one who is working hard to overcome your feelings of betrayal? And then there is this: how can you trust them to have your back when you need them? So basically you are putting so much effort for someone who can leave you at the first sign of inconvenience to their life, isn't it better to put this effort for someone else? Sure he can leave you in trouble too but these people are guaranteed to do so.

i would disscuss it with them and be honest about what i feel is happening

you did amasing you should continue because its working

nice video! keep up with this

He should definetly countinue on working on these past relationships. While what his parents did was unacceptable, it is understandable. Having a son go to prison isn't something people often think about, so coping with it is a challenge. And most people can't really cope well, so the fact that they abandoned him wasn't because they didn't care. Also, them wanting to try to keep that 12 years as secret is absolutely unacceptable. It will eventually come out, and if it does so by accident, it will create a way bigger mess.

I’m not sure I’d give my family another chance. What happened to you happened & they need to acknowledge that. It’s unbelievably selfish of them to say they’re victims too because while they are in a way they were not the ones who lost over 10 years of their life & now have to start their life completely over. I’d probably forgive them for myself not them & go LC because I’m not sure that I could ever trust them again. I’d definitely build my own family tho. You know the saying, You can’t pick your relatives so choose your friends wisely. Other than that I hope you are able to sue the state for your stolen life because what happened to you is a travesty & I’m so very sorry that happened to you.