Grief and the Death of a Loved One 

I've been to a lot of funerals, including several for people I never met. If you're going to support a friend who lost somebody, then you may be at a loss for what's appropriate. When in doubt, hang back. Follow what those around you are doing. Stay out of the way of the people grieving. Try to learn something about the deceased. It's fascinating hearing about someone's life as told through those who loved them. And unless told otherwise assume a dark color so you don't draw attention to yourself.

For my friend's funeral they asked us to wear purple because it was her favorite color :)

This is strange timing for me, I just attended my great uncles wake two weeks ago. I still feel like it hasn't hit me yet, I haven't cried or even felt really sad yet. I wasn't super close to him, but he was still a part of my life and it's strange to know he's gone. One price of advice I have is to not be afraid to go to therapy and talk to someone. When I was 17 over 5 people I knew around my age passed away for various reasons and it put me into a depression about my own mortality for about a month, the climax being a huge dissociative panic attack I had in a movie theatre. I wish I had felt comfortable and confident enough to talk to someone before it got so bad! There's no shame in getting some support, no matter where it comes from.

I lost my mum in my late teens and it caused a butt load of mental health issues. My friends could see I was not OK and were worried but none of us knew what the heck to do. I needed someone to help me research how to go the doctor, come with me to appointments and maybe at one point call a family member and tell them I was not as OK as I was pretending to be - hard to know when that is the right thing to do I know. Anyway, maybe a good future topic would be how to help friends through very bad patches of mental health. Not just how to access sevices in the US but more general things like the things I have mentioned above. Plus, how to look after yourself in the process!!! My friends were and are amazing but a little education would have helped a lot.

So whenever my grandmother died (and others) I always hated hearing "I'm sorry for your loss," because it didn't quite feel right. Last year, a friend's grandmother died and I instantly rushed over with a full family dinner for them, because I knew her and her family were stressed out and had no time to cook for themselves or settle down and eat since her grandmother's passing. If someone you know has lost a loved one, bring them food, offer to help around the house, or run errands. They'll have a lot going on and will appreciate the company and thoughtfulness.

My grandma died almost three years ago, but I’m still in early stages of grief. Sometimes I think I see her by my front door, but it’s just me seeing things. I need halp for dealing with this.

To those asking how to support a friend grieving: my best advice is to be there but not imposing yourself. Check in with your friend and ask simple questions, like "do you want to talk?" or "hey I'm feeling like going for ice-cream, do you want to come with me?". Don't make everything about your friendship about their personal grief, because that is not your place nor your load to carry. It is not there for you to fix. Accepting that is the best way to let them know you share their sadness, and that you are there for them if they need you. And take care of yourself too and learn to gracefully distance yourself from "too much", because you can't help anyone if you are not well.

i recently lost my dad and the most surprising thing that nobody tells you beforehand is, that everything changes but nothing is different. so be prepared to feel just plain and simply weird. for the first weeks it felt like i was still waiting for something to happen, for another shoe to drop, but it doesn't. life goes on. new stuff happens. personally, i get super sad and a few hours later something happens that makes me laugh, so there is sadness, and quite a lot of it, but as time goes on there will also be stuff that makes you laugh again. oh, and for those who don't know how to act around people who lost someone, be it friends or just someone the know casually: don't sweat it, they are not made of glass, tell them that you are sorry for their loss (and mean it! if you can't do that just tell them that you are sorry and leave the second part, or say that 'this situation sucks' or something like that; that might be easier for you) and than just talk to them just like you would if the situation were different; and for the love of god don't say something like "let me know if you need something" and then be a stranger waiting for their call. a) if you are a good friend they know they can ask you anyway, and b) it sounds like you want an easy way out. rather call them up and ask if they wanna go out or do something instead of keeping a distance. (i know i have been guilty of this before i understood how it is to be on the other side)

If, like me, you struggle with accepting death as a concept, or if you want to get more comfortable with it, I recommend the RU-vid channel 'Ask a mortician'. She creates a space where you can talk about mortality, but also about the logistics of death. I've found that watching her has given me permission to really confront it, and the more I've thought about it, the less terrified I've felt.

this is a bizarre subject for me, because i always feel like i don't react to death the way i "should". i'm 24 and had all 4 of my grandparents up until a couple months ago when my grandma -is finally the right word?- passed away. but we'd known it was coming for 6 months, or a couple years, or almost my entire life, depending on how you count it. so i wasn't really upset. two years ago, right after i graduated from college, my college band's drum major from my freshman year died suddenly, which did mess me up- mostly because it very much reminded me of my freshman year when a sophomore in the band suddenly died (which was the first time someone i knew around my age died. and really the first person i knew to die other than a great-grandmother or two when i was pretty young) which really messed me up. like for almost a year off and on (you can see it in my GPA over time it's pretty depressing. still don't know if that's literal though because i never went to the campus counseling thing ugh.) but then a couple people from my high school also died while i was in college- someone a bit older who i really looked up to had cancer, someone i was close with as a freshman and sophomore but drifted away from after that also had cancer, and a kid younger than me that i still knew joined idk the army or marines or something and committed suicide. and none of those really affected me at all. my only guess is that it's hard for me to feel anything resembling grief if i'm too far removed from it and no one else around me is. like no one i interacted with in college knew those people from high school, but pretty much everyone i interacted with in college knew those people from college. also, when that first one happened in college, i felt really bad for feeling bad when some of my friends had actually been relatively close to her. i'll never forget a conversation i had less than a week after the accident with someone who is still a very close friend of mine, who had been pretty close with her, where i said something about how it hadn't been a great week, and then probably apologized or said something about how everyone else had it worse because they actually knew her (especially this friend.) and then he told me to never apologize for me feelings and that i'm allowed to feel what i feel. i think that was exactly what i needed to hear and exactly who i needed to hear it from and exactly the time i needed to hear it.

A couple years ago I found out that my cousin committed suicide from Facebook posts while I was at work. We weren't close but that still sucked incredibly hard. I know it must be hard when you've got your own grieving to do, but contacting people quickly and asking people not to post it all over social media until everyone has been told is important.

My role regarding deaths in the family was established very early, as I have been the perpetual pallbearer all my life. In some ways, that has formed me into a stoic, numb griever (meaning I'm not great at it). I tend to be a good counselor and listener for others. What seems to help the most in my experience is conveying the mindset of: how sad it would truly be if we weren't sad at all.

My grandmother died about a week ago, and my parents had to wake me up with a phone call because a few people (who were not my dad or my aunt) had made Facebook posts. So a "don't" for this would be: DON'T post on any social media before the immediate family does--they have people they need to tell directly, and your post may be seen by someone they need to call, but haven't gotten around to yet.

Just lost my grandfather last August and it’s been really tough. I still cry at random times every week and I honestly can’t be alone without anyone to talk to. I don’t know how I’ll move on but I guess time will help. It always does (?) i hope

This is really timely and pertinent as my grandmother passed away only two weeks ago. I don't know how to help mum but at the same time I don't know how to keep moving forward.

This was a great video. My friends and I lost two close friends summer 2016 to a car accident. It was unexpected and none of us really knew what to do since we'd never experienced something like that. I also volunteer in a hospice and I totally see the family dynamics changing that you talked about. Death can be scary, sad, and uncomfortable but the more open and prepared people are about it, the less it becomes all of those things!

This past summer I last a dear friend and my boss (one in the same) he was battling cancer and the treatments weren't working so he forgone more. I was home on break (five hours away) and conversing with people through text and facebook. When I got the details I rushed back to my school where I worked. At the funeral I had shown a side of me that I leave buried most of the time. And my best friend in the world (we meet because we worked in the same place at school) comforted me. I usually try to maintain a strong facade but I could not. I had lost my papa just two years before and I guess that I had never processed that...so on top of my processing of my boss's passing I was also processing my papa's. All of this to say that it is natural to try to stay strong for the people in your life but remember to take time to process what you are going through. And don't be afraid to do it through at the rest of your life because something will remind you of them and that is hard enough to deal with after the processing. Death may drive people apart but it may also strengthen the ties that bind you to them.

I went to a feneral before and its scary and i didnt cry

I feel like everyone has heard that everyone grieves differently, but it's more than that. You will grieve differently for every person you lose and that's ok. The grieving process is not a straight line but a crazy rollercoaster in the dark. You never really know when you're at the top of the next big drop. One last thing is there is no real end to grief (in my experience) there is good days and bads days.

My friend's sister just died so thank you for the timing. I would love to know how to help her out more though

I just lost a close friend unexpectedly to covid and I’m devastated. I still can’t accept the fact she’s gone

Honestly the best thing about bad times is that if you have a close church, full of family and or friends, spontaneous group praying will be a thing. it is the most encouraging thing you can imagine. If someone is hurting, people will notice and surround that person with support, and others who are hurting will feel more comfortable to open up and ask for help. God works through everything and there is always a way to get through suffering and find hope in Him. And if someone cant see clearly, friends and family will support that person like no tommorow. Strong church groups are really important through everything in life, but especially grieving and crippling sadness, times of evil.

I recently had a relative pass away, but the thing is, he was an awful person. Almost none of our family liked him and he had no friends. It was so weird to experience this because I mostly felt shock, instead of sadness.

I have lost five close family members in the last threeish months. There is no easy way to find out, and no easy way to deal with it.

Not putting pressure on myself is really hard right now. I'm changing role in a short amount of time. I lost my dad on 14 november to various cancer after seeing him suffering for months. He still worked until his body wouldn't let him do it. He had always said je would die if he didn't work or do anything. I didn't had the best relationship with him but i didn't hated him. He died so quickly some people never got to say their goodbyes even though he disliked those. I didn't have time to say mine even if he was at home. My mom, sister and i don't eat so well right now since we have so much to going on for the funerals. Acting tough is not a good idea, but supporting each others is okay. My mom is going through so much paper even though she was prepared mentally it would happened near Christmas.

A colleague died yesterday and was still hit pretty hard :(

Thank you for this, it was needed.

I need a how to adult- how to help a friend who is grieving. My best friends mother is dying, and I want to be for her now and after her mother passes, but it feels murky. And like I could always be doing more. Because nothing I do will make it ok.

This is sort of... strange? Convenient? timing for me. My grandma was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer about a month and a half ago, and a few days ago her doctor told us that she has only a few weeks left, if even that. I haven’t really cried much or felt overly sad about it, even though she’s been in my life all these years, and I know she’ll be gone soon. I might come back and watch this video again later, if only to remind myself that there’s no wrong way to grieve.

Resist the urge to post on Facebook!! Especially if you are not the actual next of kin.

Weird timing for me too. I've recently moved to uni so I'm learning for myself "how to adult", and my mum died about a month ago. It's reassuring to hear that I'm doing the things I "should" be doing, and there's no real right or wrong way to it, especially since it hasn't quite hit me yet and I'm not sure what to expect in the future.

I have a question, ever since we were small my parents have told me and my brother that they wanted an anonymous cremation so we don't have to spend money and time on a grave. However I feel like it would be better for me and my brother to have a grave for our parents so we have a proper place to go to to mourn. How should I handle this situation, should I just accept my parents' wishes or should I try to talk it over with them?

When my dad died people did all the WRONG things and just made me feel worse and angry at them. Everyone, please watch my little nature videos. There is no talking in them. Shhh!

Any advice on how to forgive your parents for not letting you go to your grandmother's funeral?

What are good things to say to a friend who is experiencing grief?

What the fuck is this channel? How to adult? I swear to god I’m terrified of what the future truly holds

Imo being religious will solve %90 of this problem..