What an outstanding topic and video. This is something noone talks about. Just yesterday and today I had a complete meltdown saying"I miss using!" Rationally I don't but I seem to only remember the "fun" times and not the years of darkness, depression and illness it caused me. You are one in a million and I'm forever grateful for you 💜
You are one in a millioin as well! I appreciate you so much, Lauren 💜 It is so amazing how quickly we can forget the pain 🤦♀️ Thank you for your support, as always. So grateful for you 🙏
Glad you are enjoying the channel. What you are experiencing is normal. You are just beginning your journey. You are definitely going to need to readjust. Be gentle with yourself.
I go back n forth Bargaining and Depression. I keep revisiting the decision and imagining if I would’ve made an opposite choice and where that would’ve led me and revising it in my mind and then the dream ends in reality that I am here stuck because I made the wrong choice.
The root of all suffering is wanting some aspect of our lives to be different. You had to make the decision you did. If I were you, if anyone were you, they would've made exactly the same choice 💯
@@DRKJFOSTER thank you, I definitely want some closure and I did find a stray dog in Ohio and I justify it that I came to this place to find him instead of for what I thought I initially came for. I have everything stolen from me and a lot of losses and I blame it on that decision of coming back to Ohio. I should’ve stayed in Chicago where I had a great life, the depression left years ago, but it returned again and that could be because I was abusing drugs for about a year. I was trying to be numb but now it’s hard to feel anything. I don’t get any pleasure and mostly just stay in bed besides walking the dog several times a day. It’s going to get better and I hope very soon because I don’t wanna resort to drugs again, but I keep thinking about it.
An amazing video and very educational/informative. I think grief is a hard process for all of us to get our heads around. So many points in this video I felt like I totally could be like wow I am at the stage or know I struggle with 1 of the stages. My Dad died when I was 17 during the Christchurch earthquake in New Zealand. I was so adamant at 3 weeks after his death that I was done grieving so I went straight back to school for my final year and really started using substances to cope which turned into addiction. It hasn't been until coming off all substances and taking a step back from my studies now that I have started to not only grieve about my addiction but now the passing of my Dad after nearly 9 years. Thank you KJ I always look forward to your videos. You have a beautiful and natural way of explaining the topics that makes it so easy to understand ❤
Thank you for sharing your experience, Holly! I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. It is so devastating to lose a parent, anyone really, but especially a parent or a child. Parent, child, and spouse are the types of losses that definitely serve to accelerate substance use for many. I am so happy to know you are allowing yourself to grieve and feel your emotions. Remember, it's not about getting over it. We never "get over it," but we do learn to live with it. It sometimes helps to look for ways to honor our loved ones. Honoring things that he enjoyed, take delight in or you know would just make him smile. Thanks again, Holly 💜
I quit drinking about 5 months ago and the depression has been pretty severe, along with persistent fatigue. It was there before I quit drinking, but it has gotten worse which surprises me. I also have a lot of anxiety, so the trio of depression/anxiety/fatigue can be overwhelming. I did start seeing a therapist a couple weeks ago so still early on in that process. I had taken SSRIs in the past, but tapered off 2 years ago with the intent of living medication free. I have considered going back on, but am very reluctant to after fighting so long to be free of medications.
Ed - I can appreciate and relate so much to what you have shared. I, too, took SSRI's for a period of time and then wanted to be medication free. It was a struggle and I experienced exactly what you are describing. I did get through it eventually TYG, and the therapy definitely helped. That said, I would certainly prefer that anyone who is struggling with depression to the extent that they are having difficulty functioning or may turn back to their DOC, that the SSRI are the way to go for a brief period of time. I had reached the point where I had difficulty even getting out of bed, let alone showering or caring about how I looked, which I had never ever experienced before, even in my active addiction. I was only on the SSRI's for a few months and it did the trick for me to be able to function again. Thanks so much for sharing your experience, Ed. I appreciate you and hope it's a good day for you today 💪💜🙏
@@DRKJFOSTER Just reading your reply gives me relief and hope, thank you for taking the time to respond. I forgot to mention I also had a script for 0.5mg Ativan that I would use maybe once every week or so for the past few years when my anxiety was really peaking, but I haven't used that since July and don't plan to again. I know that stuff can be horrendously addictive so I was careful to use it minimally and only in the worst cases. Even with infrequent use though, I wonder if that is also playing into how I feel, as I understand alcohol and benzos both influence GABA. I appreciate your insight about using an SSRI, and though I have been reluctant to return to using one, I think that it may make sense at this point in time to consider going back on. I can always taper off and discontinue down the road after I have made progress in recovery. I finished reading your book www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07S5YDDQ5/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1 which I found to be very honest and inspiring. The poetry was quite powerful, it was clear to me that you lived through a challenging recovery. Your willingness to share your raw personal experience and triumph are a gift to anyone on the recovery journey. Now that I wrote that, I think I'll use it as my book review ;)
@@Army1SGRetired Wow! Thank you so much, Ed. You just made my day 💜 I appreciate your support and kind words. In regards to your PAWS symptoms.... if you are considering going back on the SSRI be sure to see someone who specializes in addiction. It is so critical! Also, you definitely need to be careful with the Ativan. I think you are smart to use it very sparingly. It's a slippery slope with that one and I would bet that it does have something to do with your PAWS symptoms. Thanks again for all your support, Ed. I am thrilled that you are going to be part of The Resilient Warrior Masterclass 💪🙏💜
@@DRKJFOSTER I took my last Ativan in July and I have no intention of using them again. Within a few weeks of the last one I took, I noticed that I had developed tinnitus which I think is a sure sign that the benzo was having more of an affect on my body than I had realized. I'm looking forward to contributing in the Resilient Warrior Masterclass, can't wait to see what more I can learn! Namaste ;)
I saw the love ofy life die of an overdose...then I was still an addict alone. I went to get help while grieving and three years later I still in agonizing grief every ment even though I. Still on suboxone and not shooting heroin I am so much a zombie . I don't feel like I've progressed...I have stood still in pain
Hi Laura - I'm so sorry to hear of this tragic loss for you and the pain you are still experiencing. Have you joined a grief group? I have a friend who lost her son to an overdose and says that her grief group has been the best source of support for her.
Thank you so much KJ I would love to do the class ❤🎉 thank you for your support and all you do for others , may god bless every step forward for you ❤🎉
Grief and loss and the weight of leaving behind the familiar to embrace recovery really does impact the entire family of those who are in the circle of influence with the recovering addict. Great assistance ... thank you SO very much!!!
Wow! Extremely enlightening and gave me such a better understanding on how to heal myself suffered an extreme amount of loss trauma and abuse in my life and one of them was being in a very toxic abusive marriage for 10 years to an alcoholic who i was deeply in Love , slowly died in front of me, oh and the trauma and abuse doesn’t even start there so it was very hard to give forgiveness my first three years in the program, I have 5 years sober would have 8 but had a slip and came right back to AA 2 weeks later 🙏 towing charge in the middle of service I broke down and started crying for the deacons message touched upon a lot of emotional things that I have been currently working on at first I was trying so hard to hold back my tears but I let them come for I have learned that I have a lot of pent up emotions because I haven’t felt or had a clue where they all came from or even why For many, many years! Can’t thank you enough ! and the person who came up with this topic!
Thank you for sharing your experience, Mary. It is so important to allow ourselves to feel and release the emotion. I appreciate you so much, and your willingness to share your experience and your heart 💜
I agree, as a Passion and Purpose coach, it's important for my clients to feel and work through grief in order to come out on the other side to begin their journey of empowerment. Thank you!
This really helped me. Just knowing feeling the loss is normal. Opioids have a hold on me for the last year and a half. Everytime I ran out it felt like a deep hole in my heart, like something beloved or a loved one is gone. A drug made me feel like that. That’s not right.
You had a relationship with that drug and you have ended that relationship. It was a toxic and unhealthy relationship and needed to end, but you still feel the repercussions of that loss. It's not right, but it's normal and everyone experiences it to some degree.
