Harm OCD - My OCD Story 

All of you who are suffering with this, I'll probably never meet you. You are my brothers and sisters and I love you. My heart is with all of you. I suffered for decades before I found out what was wrong. Know that you can have healing from this. Don't give up. Find people who have had success and work their suggestions like dog that won't let go of a bone. Fight for it! I promise it will be entirely miserable, but the rewards of living without OCD stealing your life away is amazing. Life truly is beautiful. You can trust yourself. You can love yourself. IOCDF and OCDLA are amazing resources.

I can say that OCD (Pure O) is hell on earth. And nobody deserves it. I battled it for years. I can proudly say I have overcome it, and i want to help those who are suffering from it now. My advice is as follows: 0. See a psychologist who is well aware of CBT and ERP that is cognitive behavioral therapy and exposure . You may at first ask them if they can administer this therapy for you. If you feel they are being Freudian and trying to pick your brain (like: How does this make you feel? Why do you think you have these thoughts?) know they are unqualified to help you, they can only make it worse. (I know from experience) CBT and ERP will be similar to the advice I have written below. 1. Take SSRI’s. These anti-depressants lessen your intrusive thoughts 2. Read about OCD and the OCD types of others. Mine was Harm Pure O and reading about the others in length helps understand what is going on. 3. Exercise everyday 4. Surround yourself with friends and family (don’t stay at home) 5. Meditation/prayer. Though if these are the cause of your OCD skip this advice. If not then try. 6. Try art/ crafts or reading 7. Finally and most importantly.... ERP... stand up to the dragon. The best form of overcoming your fear is to bring it on yourself. If you have a fear of stabbing someone don’t hide the knife but bring it out and label your thoughts as they come into your brain. Acknowledge that these thoughts have nothing to do with you, they are just chemical reactions. Example: if your brain says I am going to stab her, then instead of avoiding the thought say, repeat what you said. Strangely it works. Know they are not you who is speaking just the dragon. You are the brave knight.

I have never related to something more in my life and it's honestly brining me to tears.

While OCD isn't the greatest thing to have, there are positive things to come out of it that's how I see it. Worrying about these things actually means you're in the 'least likely' category to carry them out even though we fear carrying them out. Worrying and obsessing about our health/mental health/mental state means we have good intentions for ourself and others.

I’m crying in my bed right now. I’ve never felt so seen in my life. I thought I was alone and just messed up beyond repair. Hearing your story has made me feel so much better

I have Harm OCD too I wound up having to go to a hospital to be baker acted and they diagnosed me with Harm OCD. I thought for sure I was crazy, schizophrenic or bipolar or something. They put me on Prozac. Been on it for a year and changed my life! I am back to normal. I still have moments where I have visions or thoughts, but I'm able to just be like yeah whatever OCD your so stupid I know I would never do that, try again lol I promise it does get better!

I'm sending you the biggest internet hug right now

I resonated so much with the time machine thing....like you just want someone who knows all the answers to tell you you'll be alright but no one has all the answers

I had this. Its comforting and nice to see others that have it

I can completely relate to this...I've been having intrusive, violent thoughts of harming myself, family, friends, and random people for about 5 years..these thoughts scare me, give me A LOT of distress/panic/anxiety, and sometimes cause anxiety attacks where I end up crying. My parents don't believe in my health concerns and think I'm fine and should stop worrying so much. These compulsions are getting worse, there's A LOT of counting and numbers, and now I mostly touch everything around the house a certain amount of times, it's getting really annoying. But, I'm afraid to be put on antidepressants because I heard they can make you gain weight, and I do not want that. :(

I cried watching this! I am currently going through the exact same thing and it's absolutely terrifying. It's so comforting to know others go through it too. Thank you for sharing your story, it takes extreme bravery to tell people these things. I can tell you're an extremely caring and kind person. You only get this because its your WORST FEAR and anxiety has led you to try and get a definitive answer that doesn't exist so you never feel like its gone. There are some great RU-vid channels for OCD, Mark Freeman's has helped me a lot. My mum went through the exact same thing and it doesn't bother her now so you can overcome it. Best of luck with it, it's an awful thing to go through.

Speaking from experience, this OCD theme is one of the worst things that can happen to anyone. It's pure mental torture, a living hell. I relapsed 3 months ago after years of being free of this monster and honestly I feel like It completely changed me for life. I too wish I could go back in time to when I had my first intrusive thought and reacted to it in a different way. I feel you so much, I wish I could give you a hug. I hope you're doing well and thriving in life. OCD sufferers, we are warriors

Wow! So glad I stumbled upon your video! I have been dealing with Harm OCD since giving birth to my son 3 months ago. It's so messed up that such a "happy" time in my life has been wrecked by this terrible form of OCD. Maybe 2 hours after giving birth I was plagued by these visions of me hurting my newborn son! I have never ever felt like that or had thoughts like that in my life! I was so scared! I thought I was going crazy, or that I was a psychopath! I wanted to either wanted to stay away from my son or for someone to be around me when I was with my son, for fear of me LOSING CONTROL and hurting him. A couple weeks went by with barely any sleep and I barely ate anything when I finally got online and tried to describe to Google what I was thinking and feeling. And BOOM, the words OCD appeared. It didn't really surprise me, I knew I struggled with anxiety and panic attacks and a little ocd here and there, but I had NO IDEA ocd could take the form of this "MONSTER!" As you said in your video, even though you know it's OCD and your therapist has told you this, and you seek reassurance online.... you still have that "what if", what if ALL THESE PEOPLE are wrong and I am going to snap! What if I am a killer! The thought of hurting my child makes my stomach upset. To have these thoughts, to sometimes see a visual in my head of him getting hurt makes me disgusted and causes me so much anxiety! My husband doesn't understand what I am going through. I told him ONE TIME what I was going through and he looked at me with disgust and told me to NEVER tell anyone that ever again! I feel like this has scard me. Like "He thinks im crazy, so I must be crazy!" Since then I have found a physiatrist and started taking Paxil, and I have been to 4 different therapists... trying to find the "right one". I hope and pray that this harm ocd will vanish soon. Let me obsess over anything else besides hurting myself, my son or anyone else! Why can't I have a "healthy obsession" like Exercise, or eating right, or be a workaholic LOL Well, thanks for sharing your video! The whole time I was watching it I kept thinking "WOW, THAT'S WHAT I THINK! WOW SHE HAS WHAT I HAVE!" So thanks for doing the video for all of us out here that are suffering! I wish you the best in your recovery. I wish everyone out there reading this a full recovering from this TERRIBLE thing called OCD.

Oh my goodness. For the past two years I have been feeling like this and it has been getting worse and worse. I felt like I had schizophrenia or was going crazy. I was so worried about hurting people i loved all of the time. I constantly tried to explain to everyone and nobody seemed to understand. it was/is exhausting and has gotten so much worse with moving and stress. I googled and googled and just found out a lot about harm ocd and this video and its so spot on. Thank you so much for making this video. Knowing im not a psychopath and just need to reach out for some help gives me so much more hope.

I broke down crying, My thoughts are exactly the same as yours and I felt no one understood💕 Love this video

Thank you for your story. OCD is a mother f@%#er of a mental disorder. Having gone through, and still from time to time go through, periods of Harm themed OCD, the worst part is how it makes one question their own goodness. I'm a Jainist at heart and I have trouble killing insects, out of compassion, that make their way into the house. Suddenly you question whether you would hurt a loved one because of a thought or image, and one spends time trying to avoid the situation from manifesting causing the obsession cumpulsion loop. Anyway, thank you again for your story. It was very relatable.

My OCD onset was at age 11. I suffered all of the things you did. I didn't get any help until I was at least 16 because my mom didn't understand and neither did I and she'd just sit awake trying to get me to calm the hell down and I haven't found anybody else who suffered from the same things as me. I'm on celexa and it's helping so much. I'm 18 now. Wow. I'm actual crying with you because your story is so similar. Thank you so much for this.

For those of us that truly know OCD, it's a miserable bitch. Hope you've been able to overcome. ERP therapy is the only way.

I began suffering from self harm OCD right after being prescribed Risperdal. I had experienced anxiety and paranoia in the past but I never had a crippling fear of suicide like I developed after starting the medication. I stopped after two days but the intrusive thoughts and feelings of dread have lingered for weeks, but hearing you discuss your experiences really makes me feel like I'm not just crazy! I now have an anti-anxiety medication that I take as needed but I don't think I should've ever been on anti-psychotics and can't help but think it contributed to the onset. Good luck to everyone out there struggling with something similar, I can't say I'm totally better but I'm getting there.

when I heard the "hurting others" part of this video I instantly felt better. I watched this during this ocd and now I'm feeling way better and those thoughts have been pushed back for now with nicer thoughts. thank you so much

Thank you so much for putting up this video, I've been suffering with anxiety for about a year now, but within the last couple of weeks I've been getting intrusive thoughts about stabbing people that I can't seem to get rid of! The first few days were terrifying! it was so scary! but now I understand what's happening to me and it's so reassuring, I'm still learning how to deal with it but I'm determined to not let it ruin my life

You’re so incredible and brave. I deal with the same and it started all with an antidepressant too. This video and your RU-vid page is saving lives. You may not know it but your a Hero ❤️

Thank you for opening up so publicly about your story. There are many times in the video when I felt I could relate. You are such a strong person and I hope you are doing well.

Thank you so much for posting this! I'm sobbing. I have been suffering from this for four years and I just realized what I have. I always thought I was crazy and seeing that other people feeling the same way makes me so happy. Thank you so much. I can't put it into words how grateful I am that you made this video.

I just felt as if I were watching a video of me talking . You literally reassured me so so much , you don’t even know . I kept reading testimonies of people with ocd and some doctors tips , but hearing and watching someone, especially a woman, talk about her experience with this type of ocd made me feel 100 times better. I feel like my compulsions are being more calm since yesterday because I’m informing more myself about how to deal with it .

It's hard to talk about these things to an individual let alone share it with the whole world! But it appears your bravary had paid off as you seemed to have helped and encouraged many people around the world! I've never actually talked to someone else who has also experienced this form of OCD, I have so many questions!! But the comfort it brings to know there are others out there! Thank you so much for sharing your story! 😀

Thank you for making this video. This year I had a very similar breakdown like the one you've described. For months I had no idea what was going on with me, I was so consumed with shame and fear from all the intrusive thoughts of harm I was having that I was afraid to seek help, I feared people would think I was actually dangerous... I thought I was actually dangerous! I had no idea where these thoughts came from or whether or not I was gonna act on them... somewhere around the time I got diagnosed with OCD I stumbled onto this video, and I realized that this has happened to other people as well and I didn't have to feel so ashamed of myself. again.. thank you very much We may deal with fear and anxiety almost every day, but I think making a video like this proves you are very brave

Thank you so much for this. I feel better knowing I'm not alone on this, it helped me so much. Sending you all my love!

honestly feels good to know im not alone thank you for the video

What an incredible story of OCD, so eloquently and bravely told... you speak so, so well here.

Thank you sooo much for making this video! You're awesome and don't apologise for crying, it's nothing to be ashamed of! I relate to this so much. I feel so free, like I'm gonna fly weeeeeee

Thank you so much for making this video. I have been feeling these ways for the past 2 years (fearing that I’ll suddenly lose control and hurt either my parents or my sister or my dog or myself) and it is so scary to live with. I’m always hiding scissors, knives, etc and I’m deathly afraid to explain it to anyone I’m close to because of the fear that they’ll think that I want to do these things. I was watching the show on Netflix called “The Mind Explained” just an hour ago and saw that on the anxiety episode that this woman who has harm OCD said that she feared hurting her family and I immediately resonated with that fear and began looking into harm OCD. Anyways, long story short, I am so grateful for this video that you made because you explained what I’m going through perfectly and I really understand how difficult living with this is. I’ve never been diagnosed with it but it is literally exactly what I’ve been going through for a while now. Thank you so much!

It's really hard to explain to people the whole "thoughts" vs. "wants" thing. Also the "compulsion" vs. "desire" thing to people who don't understand it, and the "what if" thing. I don't know if I have this but this video was so relatable to me and it makes me feel so much less alone. Thank you

The more this condition is brought out into the open, the better. The people that suffer from this disorder are very caring, good people! I commend you for talking about this and sharing your story - that is brave and takes guts! When you cried, I really felt your pain. I know only too well how it feels. Oh and you are a pretty girl! :)

I’m soooo freaking happy someone made a video for this because there are no story times like videos on this just people talking about the symptoms

thank you-- this hit home for me, the pain, the terror, everything. my ocd cycle generally kicks off with a distressing thought and then panic settles in. my harm ocd manifests in few ways (i may terrible things or terrible things may be done to me) but the spark is always the same, "what if x scenario happens?" and then catastrophizing remains on repeat. there's an immense amount of shame behind this disorder that i would not wish on anyone. learning to be more gentle and compassionate with myself has been very helpful. anyway, kudos to you for having the courage to articulate this stuff.

You are such a brave young woman! Thank You for making this video, you have really helped me.. Just had a OCD relaspe. And I have been living with OCD for over 61 years.

I've been living with OCD my whole life. I am now 50 and I wish I had known more when I was younger. I too had harming OCD that manifested itself in fear of hurting my parents, my pets, etc. SOOO much of what you said sounds like me!!! This is mind blowing. This all lead up to me becoming (I believe) an alcoholic. You are very brave to share this and thank you. :) Oh, and I actually had a psychiatrist say this particular form of OCD was "very unusual" and he literally reduced me to tears because I felt like a monster. I now realize it is alot more common and he was just a quack! Thankfully I no longer have the harming OCD, however I do have some other other crappy symptoms. I check, I analyze the shit out of things people say, etc. I am reading and rereading this post (lol) for mistakes and I know there are probably a shit ton of them, but I am going to resist reading yet again. xo

I give you so much credit and respect for putting this video up. I am 22..and had my first harm ocd experience when I was 20 about to turn 21. I had the same exact thoughts you first had about either having to end my life because of how uncomfortable or scared it made me..or me having to go into some institution. Literally have the same harmful impulsive thoughts about my family and my animals and i thought i would never be able to see them again. Im really relieved that im not the only one to have experienced this burden. People like you have helped me through it for the past 2 years. And im so thankful for you. I wish i had saw this video sooner, but I have been struggling hard lately. Thankfully you had the first video that popped up.

Thank you so much for this, I actually cried 💙 good to know I’m not alone

I know this is past due but I am literally crying. Thank you so much I just started having Harm OCD thoughts and thought I was going insane and just shutting down the world this video means everything to me right now and just thank you the feelings you described of not seeing anyway out and fear of self is intense just to know someone is going or has gone through it on such a near level is so comforting its unbelievable. Once again thank you.

This video is my saving grace. I find myself coming back to this video every time my OCD and intrusive thoughts worsen. For me it was also about my pup and family whom I love more than anything and am very close to. My dog is my entire life and similarly I have a major fear of losing her and my loved ones. This video was and is still so comforting. I now go to therapy and just started medication to help me. Thank you for being so so brave and telling your story - I know it’s not easy. Anyone I’ve ever told thinks I’m crazy or doesn’t understand these thoughts are impulses I DO NOT WANT TO ACT ON. I feel it’s rooted in debilitating fear. Unfortunately I experience the need to keep my room/things perfectly organized and clean while also struggling with intrusive thoughts, routines and rituals. I’ve struggled with OCD my whole life and I’m so ready to finally help myself. ♥️ Thank you for posting!!!!!

Thank you for posting this video. I've been struggling with the onset of these thoughts off and on for the past year and a half and am now seeking treatment for it. You are so brave for telling your story to the world. Thank you for sharing xx

i know i’m late to this video. i’m literally crying right now because i haven’t found anyone else who understands. i feel exactly what you are saying. thank you so much for making this video ❤️

I thought there was something wrong with me for so long I didn't understand what was going on. I have spent so much time crying and worrying. I just finally discovered that I have harm ocd. I hid it for 2 years and finally told my mom. Mine seems to get worse every so often and I think it's getting worse cause I kept ignoring it. I have had the same exact thoughts as you! I was always worried that something bad would happen to my loved ones. And then had bad thoughts of me hurting my loved ones and it makes me sick to my stomach. I'm always so scared I'm gonna get locked up somewhere. I just wanna live my normal happy life again. It's nice to know I'm not alone. Don't ever give up to all you strong people out there. We can kick ocds ass!

OMG i've had the same thing happen to me when i was in 5th grade. It was absolutely awful. I would come home crying because all day long all I could think about was harming people. Even though I didn't want to... To this day I still have HORRIBLE ocd. I would love to talk to you sometime just because I don't have many people who can relate

I just want you to thank you for this video, this is exactly what I have been going through the last 4 years and its put me in such dark places. Its so heart warming to see someone explain exactly how you feel and to see that you're not the only person who's going through it. I hope you're in a good place and are coping well :)

I wanted to say thank you so much. You have honestly helped me. I am just now going through this and it took me by shock. You are very helpful for posting this and I'm hoping you're doing better. Again, thank you so much.

Thank you so much for this. I am tearing up. Ive been dealing with this for months and at one point it was so bad where I would just cry and get a pit in my stomach whenever I would get the intrusive thoughts. Thank you.

I have harm OCD and it scares me because sometimes my thoughts tell me I want to do these things.

I think this is so brave of you, telling us your story. Very recognizable. Thank you very much, and the best of luck.

I LOVED this... was having a rough time a few months ago, pretty much been spiking up here and there, and could never find a video that I actually related to. this was awesome, thankyou so much for being open enough to share this !

Hi can totally relate to your story. I am going through harm ocd rightnow, this is horrible i can totally understand how you feel and im very sorry your are going through this too. I wish there would be more awareness out there about this type of ocd.like that, us who suffer from this would not feel like we are alone. Thank you very much for sharing your story :-)

I understand you so well that it hurts my soul

God bless you Kaliwallace for making this video and sharing your story. You are so brave and this helps a lot of people dealing with this hellish nightmare that is OCD including myself. I had a similar situation with a psychiatrist that was not helpful at all. I was so alone and in a deep dark place, I didn't understand what the hell was wrong with me. I've had harm ocd, mystical thinking, I think I've had relationship, and recently another one I'm not comfortable mentioning. But thank you so much for putting yourself out there it means a lot to know I'm not alone in this. You are strong and will make it through, please don't give up and stay strong girl! Thank you! ♥️

It's great that you've reached out! Its really hard to find people to talk to about OCD because my family dont get it. I too am diagnosed with OCD. I'm 22, living in Australia. I've been working on my condition with the assistance of a clinical psychologist and anti-depressants. I've taken a lot of time to do research on OCD and I even see a specialist OCD psychologist. I agree, it is such a debilitating thing to have going on in your brain. It's that feeling, that urge to do a compulsion or something bad will happen. Over the past 18 months my psych and I have worked out a way which I can tackle OCD is to get familiar with it. Think like an OCD brain so I can become AWARE of the process and notice that initial intrusive thought, because the whole process is how you act on that initial thought. Anyway, how is everything going? Im happy to help.

I struggle from this and I used to be so bad that I didn’t even want to go near the kitchen knives. I didn’t know it was OCD and so I thought I was losing my mind. Now that I know what it is, I’ve been feeling better. This doesn’t last forever. Unfortunately for me, I move on to other obsessions. But now that I know that I’m not crazy, I can now tell myself it’s just OCD.

Thank you for making this. I'm struggling with the same thing. It is so hard. I hope you feel better.

Everything you literally just said, hits so hard. Thank you for this.

You are not alone! Your history is very similar to my anxious life. You had very courage to update this video with your thoughts! You can check that five years ago you not kill anyone! It was only fears and intrusive thoughts. Be strong and best regards from Spain!!

Thank you so much for this video. I am currently experiencing the same symptoms, and your words really empowered me. I hope you'll continue doing well. I'll be starting treatment soon and I'm sure that in time, I will be fine as well. Thank you.

Holy shit, this is exactly what I've been experiencing on and off for the last year. Like exactly. To know that I'm not alone is the most comforting thing.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart❤️ sometimes I just feel like I’m so alone and no one understands but I am so thankful I ran into you, and your story. Once I took edibles and it felt like it opened a part of me that was evil or something but it was those thoughts. But it went away after a couple of months. Now almost 5 years later I think it got triggered because I watched a show that brought back that horrible time and now I am currently dealing with it. Some days I feel good but other days I feel so weak and like I just wanna cry or sleep forever. We got this ❤️

I'm glad you put this on here, very well done! It's always good to know you're not alone, especially since we all felt alone at the beginning. It's just OCD ;) It'll be nice when the day comes when it's more understood and not a catch-all phrase for someones weird quirk.

Definitely subscribed. This video helped me so much.

I've had this same thing for a little over 30 yrs. It started when I had my first child. It is terrifying and Praise God, He's been with me all the way. I thank Him & give Him glory for leading me to your video. It's comforting to know that I am not alone...God bless you ♥️

Thank you so much for being vulnerable. You have helped me and so many others

You are an amazingly strong person. You are a gift to so many people here. Thank you.

It gets better!! Hang in there!! I felt like I was in the pits of hell for almost 18 months but I survived and so can you!!

You're really brave to make this. I have had anxiety for YEARS and I am only just starting to realise it might be pure o ocd. Even just realising this is a relief because I don't just feel like a mental case.

Thank you for all of the clarity, I've never felt more scared and more calm in my life, i could relate to almost all of the things you said, and you helped me gain hope again, I'm soon 21, and got these dark thoughts 2 months ago, and i fear the worst that I'm a dangerous person, but you inspired me to learn to cope with this, i hope this came out right, its late and I'm purely excausted atm ,

hey thanks so much for this video, so brave of you! I struggle with everything you said. its so hard sometimes! but we will pull through, we are strong people.

for me i try to just be in the moment, i notice if i don't sit there and overthink i don't get anxious about it. and if it's really really bad i can change the thought into something that will help me. like if i was like,"i could punch someone" i would change it to,"i could be a good friend to that someone" and it really helps.

Thank you so much for this video! I am currently struggling with harm OCD, and it has been a battle sense the beginning. I first started getting the symptoms of harm OCD when I was 10, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I would cry every night wondering if I’m a psycho or if I’m a really bad person. It went away for a while until it flared up again when I was 11, then again when I was 12, and eventually 13. There was one night where all I wanted to do was cry and I literally wanted the world to end for me. I then looked up my thoughts and I discovered that I had harm OCD. I was freaked out about it at first, but I was relieved to find out that this was an actual thing. I thought I was crazy and messed up and all I wanted to do was cry, but once I found out that this was an actual mental illness and that there were treatment options, I was absolutely relieved! I have told my parents and we are seeking for treatment! We will get through this together girly!💖

You're so beautiful, I've suffered from OCD for a long time, seeing this video I could relate in almost every way, I think although it can feel difficult at times to try compassionate detachment toward my thoughts, to try observe and witness my thoughts with compassion than engaging with them, but I completely sympathize cos OCD can feel very distressing and tormenting, but well done for having the courage to make this video well done xx :)

I'm 5 years late but I've been diagnosed with harm ocd and it's an awful experience and it got to the point to where I needed to be hospitalized. I was confused and just didn't know what was going on and not knowing makes it worse or you're going "crazy". I kept having intrusive thoughts about hurting my wife. I've been having some flare ups recently but I'm aware that it's my ocd so it's passing intrusive thoughts instead of lingering intrusive thoughts. Watching your video on this helped me as well because harm ocd isn't talked about as much as it should be. I hope you're doing well these days dealing with your ocd. Great video and thank you for making this.

I cried watching this..im a 19 yr old male and I'm going thru the same thing you are going thru..you are beautiful always remember that

I don't know what to think right now. I never found anyone else like you, someone who seems to have experienced/is experiencing something so similar to what I am. I still feel lost and confused but at least I know I'm not the only person like this.

im so proud you can talk about this - that is amazing - you should be really chuffed with yourself. youre so brave.

Starting to cry of sadness and happiness listening to you because I feel so much of what you feel. Knowing that what I'm feeling is a real struggle for many of us in the world is such a relief to me and all of it has really has made me realise how much time I've spent thinking about living instead of just living. Thank you for your story :,)

You are such a warrior. And so beautiful

SO relatable, I’m 16 and I was watching a video of Gattor Martin reacting to scary interactions between two people. I just sat up and felt scared that I was going to murder someone, I thought I had the urge to and I started freaking out. Then I started having visions of my little brother and me stabbing him. I’m scared that I have the urge, I’m scared I’m capable and that I’m going to do it, I feel crazy and i feel like a murderer that hasn’t murdered yet. I feel crazy and insane, and telling my mom half the story and she looked at me sacredly. And I can’t explain it, I was terrified, thank you for helping. Even tho I’m still scared that I want to.

When you said the the first time you had a thought you said to yourself "woah, wtf was that.." That was word for word my thought too. not funny but.. lol i can so relate. Also im so sorry you had to go through that in the hospital, that hit me hard. This stuff really makes you feel alone because so many people that we look to for help are clueless about what is going on. With the proper support though we WILL get through this. Thank you for posting.

I resonate with this SO much. You are not alone! You're so brave for sharing your story, thank you❤

Going through the same thing. I love my cat so much- I was stroking him, then all of a sudden i had a thought in my head , and to reassure myself I had to touch him again, but now I feel so guilty and upset thinking I touched him again because I wanted to hurt him rather than reassure myself. It felt so scary at the time because of the thought combined with the action. I know I would never hurt him but my brain is telling me i'm a monster!

I can't even tell you how much i can relate to this..

Wow. Thank you for this video. i’m going through the literal exact same thing right now, and it’s very aggravating and kind of makes u feel hopeless. Thank you for this video, kali.

Thanks so much for sharing your story! It really struck a cord with me as I developed harm ocd when I was 22 also! (3 yrs ago). It was directed to my fiance, and was really the scariest most life-shattering thing to go through at the time. I'm still an anxious person (always have been, always likely will be haha) but with lots of time and support from friends and family I've been completely clear of symptoms for a year or so, so dont believe anyone (psyschiatrists included!) that there is no such thing as a cure, it just may take some time. I'm an avid writer, painter and practicing psych nurse, so there's so many possibilities for anyone whose struggled with this. Keep you chin up and thanks for sharing, its a tough one to talk about (mostly cuz it can make you sounds like a murdering psycho!) and you hit the nail on the head. Time and life experience heals like nothing else. You would be shocked how many patients I have who struggle with harm ocd, its distressingly common! Ugh this is getting long but...Harm OCD especially targets people with creative minds! Creativity requires vivid imagination and ability to focus on a thought, and OCD basically is just the creative mind working overtime (and unfortunately imagining very rotten things, but imagining them very well!). Sounds like you have an incredible mind/imagination, and I think you (and so many of us) have an excellent prognosis! All the best, JL McLane

Thank you so much for sharing your story im going through exactly the same thing x

Thank you for sharing your story, I can relate to you very much and am dealing with Harm OCD, and it is very hard for me. I sent you an email as well, just telling you my story. Thank you Kali(:

I’m actually on the verge on crying rn, this is me all over thank you. ❤️

This really puts an honest voice behind what ocd is really like for many people. Thank you for putting this out!

thank you im 13 and going through this and im scared and you just helped me so much thank u... God bless you

i was 14 years old when it first happened to me. I hope we can all find the help we need

Great job for sharing this! Must’ve been super hard to make such an honest video.

This was extremely validating...Thank you so much. OCD and its various types can be nearly indescribable to people who haven't experienced it.

Have the same thing I'm 24 now dealing with this since I was 14 years old ten years on and im still here it does help to know your not alone keep the head up people

I do have harm thoughts for 8-10 years. as well. I am 24 now. I never used any medicines. Well i think there should be a reason which triggers it. I mean my ocd sometimes is like hell, and sometimes i forgot that i have any problem. When i had it first i had really violent thoughts like killing somebody or the full family or myself, or killing pets. I am or at least i used to be a very shy person, i used to feel very unconfortible talking on a phone on a bus for examle, i would say i am a bit antisocial in some ways, and my body is like a big stress box. I can shallow a lot of stress( i mean in negative way) and many times i am passive agressive person. I think these stress in our life triggers really OCD, because i had my OCD like hell in stressful times. Now i had a long about 1,5 year break when i didn't have any symptons.( i thought that i will never have it again) But now its came back again. But it is different as i am different now . I can stand stress better and i am not that anti social. The thoughts are not that violent anymore. I know that i wont kill or seriously injure anybody. I just have thought like hitting somebody in the head and after that they will be afraid of me. And many times i don't have actual thoughts but i am not comfortable when i touch a pet for example. So my first advice is reduce the stress as much as you can.

I hope you're doing better! Thank you for showing me I'm not alone:)

Wow.. this is exactly what I'm experiencing.. thank you so much for posting 💜