He's Not Over His Ex, What Do You Do? 

I really don’t agree with her.. Being with someone who is still in love with another woman, so that we do not end up single!?? We deserve a man being in love with us, not with his ex. It is not a matter of insecurity, is a matter of dignity.

take it from me now if he’s not over his ex let him know that you can’t be with him until he’s a 100 percent only with you i regret so much

I'm just wondering how many girls were left heartbroken and with trust issues after following this advise. Know you worth! Your mental self care comes first!

No woman should be with a man who’s not over their ex’s..let that insecure boy dealt with that bs before getting into another relationship with a woman. Women aren’t here to baby insecure men with low self esteem that job is for their mothers..not girlfriends and wives

I have had personal experience of being married to a man who was not over his ex and it sucks. If a man tells you straight from the get-go that he is not over his ex, then BELIEVE HIM. If you carry on seeing a man who is still hung up on his ex and if you fall in love with him, then you are setting yourself up for a LOT of pain and heartache. He will be constantly talking about her and when he isn't talking about her he will be thinking about her and all the time your heart is breaking because you want the one thing that he can't give you.....his love. And the thing is, if he has been honest with you from the start, you can't even be angry with him because he DID tell you that he was not over his ex. You will become insecure, vulnerable and unhappy and there is no point in telling yourself that it has nothing to do with him and his ex because it has EVERYTHING to do with him and his ex......the bottom line is this: He is still hung up on her because he STILL LOVES HER and he still wants her. I'm sorry Ashley but I disagree with you when you say that being in such a relationship as this is better than being alone......it isn't. I wish that I had listened to my gut instinct and walked away from my husband when I knew that he still loved his ex. It would have saved me a lot of pain and heartache. Such relationships are extremely one-sided, because you are the one who is doing all of the hard work whilst hoping that one day he will forget about HER and focus on you. Ladies, ask yourselves one question; Do you really want to be in bed with a guy who is wishing that it was his ex he is making love to?

I respectfully disagree- I just went through this. The guy and his ex dated 5 years and she broke up with him. I met him when they’d been broken up for 10 months. I was extremely patient, had fun, etc. Our connection was wonderful, but he broke it off with me abruptly and was very emotional. He wasn’t over her. I’d caution anyone to date a guy that hasn’t been broke up for at least a year. He will want to play the field again and isn’t healed yet. He will use and discard you.

Why the hell would you want to even get involved with a guy who's not over his ex girlfriend..I just don't understand this advice 🤔

This video reminded me of an old story: I once had a chat with a taxi driver on my way back home from the airport. He was married with 2 kids yet confess about the one woman he still hold a torch for. « The one that got away » the one he still thinks about 15 years down the line. And that person was NOT his current wife.

Why waste my time, people always go back to exes bc it’s familiar

Move on if he isn't. Move on.

desagree.. my mental health is more important than staying w someone who still has feeling w his ex . not running away just be realistic. there are so many men on earth why woud u makd your life difficult and stressful. i’ve been in this situations for so long and it did not work. some people are going to love you no matter what you do, some people will never love you no matter what you do.

So what you trying to say settle for a person who's not whole.... Hmmm

it took me 2 years to get over my ex boyfriend, I did all of that by healing with self love, not depending on someone else. So if he’s going to attempt to bring me into his little pity party, I’m not for it. Thanking god that I found skill into looking deeper through a man’s actions and what comes out of his mouth. I’m not worth as being a rebound baby, go do that with someone else 😘

Who was crying while watching this . It is really hard to come out this stress when you know your bf still can't move on and you cant blame him for being authentic

spot on! we all rebound. so what! MOST of the time we all move on and fall in love again. life meetings aren't perfect timing. sometimes you have to be brave and strong if he /she is worth it. don't let a good catch get away ;-)

I guess maybe I’m the exception but I met my boyfriend back in summer of 2014 and we instantly had a connection, we spent a lot of time together, talking all night on the phone and we had a strong connection/attraction for each other.. only problem was his ex gf was still around, she came back once her boyfriend dumped her and crawled back to her ex who is now my boyfriend. They weren’t dating just hooking up. They were already broken up for 3 years before I came in the pic so the break up wasn’t fresh but once I came in the pic she felt threatened by me and tried getting back together with him again, he only knew me for 2 weeks and knew her for maybe 5 years at the time so he was unsure bc he had history with her and was still getting to know me, plus they dated for 11 months. He finally decided he wanted to give me a chance bc he realized that they weren’t right for each other and his only reason for ever considering to take her back was only bc he was comfortable with her. He chose me. And we’ve been together for 5 years now. I’m happy I didn’t get hurt this time.

I don't agree with you that if you are insecure because your partner is so invested with his ex that he talks with her often and runs errands for her its Not your issue (it's his issue, he's unavailable, it's your issue for accepting sub par treatment) . It is not healthy to be with a man who is emotionally invested elsewhere. The guy needs to get over his ex before dating. I am okay but being around a man who is very clearly still involved with the ex is not healthy for anyone. I'm not going to be a man's option, that might have worked for you, it does not work for me. He didnt want to tell her about me or tell his family about me, I was a secret, meanwhile he's still investing in her its not healthy

Bless, thank you. This helped a lot. Literally just entered the idea of running away today.

He ll never be over his ex..cz he z a man n doesn't let things go easily but a woman can let go easily cz all her life she is taught to let go and accept..

Katie I’m trying really hard to see this from your point of view but I just can’t in good conscience be happy with a man who USED ME to get over someone else, like that’s literally what it is, how can I be happy in this situation? Obviously he will never admit to using me, but if he is feeling sorry for himself that he is not with her, and he’s with me, that’s exactly what he is doing.

It's a nice idea in theory. In my experience, if he has children with his ex and he has ever loved her, you are literally nothing to him unless he has ten minutes of free time. If she has an opinion, or tries to keep her kids away from you, or "needs" something, you no longer exist. So when he feels like he wants some fun, or has the time of day for you, he's gonna suddenly think you're happy you've now made the list of priorities after he chose her over you in every situation. I'm an independent, hard working and strong person but when a guy is half out the door thinking about and trying to please someone else at your expense, it's absolutely horrible.

So, the message is - accept not being the man's first choice out of fear of ending up alone. Sacrifice your self respect, because having a man who doesn't quite love you completely is better than having no man at all.

Idk about the running away thing. The guy I was seeing had an “crazy” ex that wouldn’t back off for the whole 7 months harassing me and him when we were dating. Come to find out he was still doing favors, communicating with her , and when he went to jail he gave her all his important financial things; bank info, credit cards etc. ohh no child I had to go. That’s a lil too much. We had several talks and I gave him many chances to get that situated but he still wouldn’t cut her off so I had to exit ✌🏽

Really terrible advice. 2 friends waited years, even 10 Years waiting for him to stop treating like an option. Both ended badly. Boundaries upfront do not put up with this right away.

Ok, I do not agree. And here is why (from my personal experience not books). First of all, if he is still in love with his ex but is with you means he is a cheater, he doesn't respect himself, he is not serious in what he wants, and he can cheat on you too! I dont want to be the band aid! Yes, he likes you but he loves his ex more! His mind in busy with his ex not you! He will probably end up staying with the band aid, BUT this doesnt mean he will love you, it can be only cause he got comfortable wearing the band aid and kinda doesn't hurt that much wearing a band aid. Second, every time things will not go well in your relationship, he will start thinking about his ex! Having the second thought that : " oh, she would have been better!" So down in his heart its not you, its his ex. And "probably" after years he will forget her... It really depends what you want, deserve and how much you know you are worthed!

Do not be a crutch for a man who will only leaving you needing one and the cycle of hurt continues on.

To all these videos suggesting that it is ok to date a guy who is hung up on his ex "so many men, so little time, how can I lose? So many men so little time, how can I choose?"

if you go about it with the attitude of friendship and getting to know the person. You'll be fine, your life doesn't stop. You shouldn't stop meeting other people in the meantime of getting to know him. If you cut off all your social life for a man thats emotionally unavailable, that's just you not being smart. You should know your self worth, you should have security within yourself, and just enjoy getting to know the guy. But don't stop your life. why would you? they aren't

I'm not sure why here in the comments section: there seems to be a prevalence of this idea that if someone isn't over their ex or the hurt means they're not worth as a person to keep around, even as a friend. You're willing to immediately cut them off because they aren't giving you what you're seeking for. So what? That doesn't make them that bad of a person. Mrs. Katie seems to be making a goddamn good point: nowadays one tends to seek for attention and leave one's self esteem in the hands of another person's validation (reciprocal) of oneself. Why are you so scared of rejection and hurt to the point you would want to disregard another person's right (to reject us) and later treat them as if they're *not worth* keeping around? And why do you tie the word 'dignity' together with what you deserve or not? Everyone has dignity and rights to do their own thing. As long as they're not abusive, violent etc. It seems that the wrong mindset seems to create many delusions and continuously feeds the ego with bitterness and no healthy views necessary to foster functional relationships. Then why do you wonder that all the men or women you meet are, simply put, on the same wavelength as you, and don't care at all? Take a good look at yourself (as in how you interact with the world and function in relationships, even what relationship you have with yourself) before you judge others (and what they have to offer you).

Totally disagree with you, there is no need to date someone who is still emotionally attached, It is not because of insecurities, it is because this person needs time to heal, a broken person is not gonna be able to give you their 100 %, he/she is gonna constantly be trying hard to be over his ex with you, ‘’ the rebound’’. It probably worked out for you and your husband, but the right thing to do is let this person go and advice them that they still need time to heal, keep them as a friend, it might hurt because you like this person. But there are plenty fish on the sea to choose from.

Thank you for this! I'm with you. I'd rather try my best then run from it due to my insecurities

I agree with most of this except I would only be super platonic with a guy who is not over his ex, not date him. Build connection and friendship only until you are 100% sure he wants to be with you truly and is over his ex.

I knew my ex was still in love with his ex. I only left because he shut down. He wouldn't say one way or the other what was going on. It was the lack of communication for me. He was breadcrumbing me and I wasn't going to allow it. Trying to hold on to me til he figured out whether he wanted her are not. So I made the decision for him

Stop going off in the comments about how we should drop the person, if you know you should then why are you even here? This video is obviously for people who don't want to give up on the person.

the comment section is so angry. i was relieved after hearing this. Thank you Katie. I dont feel insecure because he tells me he doesnt want to date the last girl long term, but she still contacts him, and i was there when she did, and he kept checking his phone even when she didnt text him back. It makes me feel uneasy, but ultimately he is an honest guy and i do trust him.

There is nothing wrong with being alone! If he is not able to make the woman he's seeing feel secure, she does not have to stick around and go through the suffering and anxiety! If it were me, I would invite him to go get the woman he wants and stop wasting my time!

Great video Katie, thank you so much! Specially dedicate to what you said "Life will reward you when you if you are willing to be courageous and try even when you are scared".

I watch this video because I wanted to get help with my situation. I realize I was his rebound. And I had to admit I am very heartbroken. First, this man wasn’t honest with me. It was his actions that told me he wasn’t over his ex. I disagree with this video. Know your worth. Don’t allow someone to make you second place.

I agree with her to an extent. If a guy is honest about his emotional state with his ex, that is good, because you have the power to slow down, pull away, or just walk away from a rebound relationship. All the other things she was speaking on with the pink pencil didn't register with me, but her intentions were in a good place.

Well your tip is not helpful you are teaching a woman how to be doormat in a relationship and pretend to be okay even if you feel broken inside, which is letting a man goes elsewhere his mind thinking about his ex while you are with him. It is not sucks? You are his present and his still not move on with his baggage? It is nothing to do with what you say" insecurity" but a respect to your present relationship who are dedicated to you and only you. And then your man secretly thinking his ex, this is not nice!

I don’t agree with this video at all. When I’m with him, it’s good but I can’t get a hold of him over telephone, what’s the effin point?

I can’t thank you enough for the help and clarity your video had gave me. I’m going through the same exact situation you are describing, and I felt so identified with the case. I realized that the moment he came clean i did things right, but then the pain took control over me and I started to do all of the things that could push him away, and even though I don’t know if I screw up so bad it’s to late, I’ll still try to straight up things and do things right. Again thank you and wish me the best of luck.

What if he tells you he’s over her, but you begin to find out, he’s not? Not sticking around for that?

Thank you soo much for this video...he actually realised that he was wasting time thinking about his ex n now he hates her..and we r finally back together.🎉

He forced me to sit with HER and their boys during a memorial dinner!! I was so uncomfortable and asked him WHY he made me so that when I was uncomfortable with HER!! He did t CARE how I felt and said this “ I didn’t want her to be alone”. She cheated on HIM and is living with his best friend!! She got pregnant and divorced hIm! 😢. I could not wrap my head around how this was OK??

The moment he makes me feel insecure, is when I'm out!

Smh absolutely disagree if he is clearly not over his ex leave him alone if you want something serious. That is a recipe for getting your heart broken. However, if you are also still getting over an ex or your not looking for something serious go for it. But it is a huge gamble dating someone who is not completely detached from their exes. Theres plenty of other fish out there that have taken the time to heal first.

I am the ex. My ex bf is a fearful avoidant. He expressed deep feelings for me, pulled away , and eventually monkey branched to another. That's what avoidants do. They feel deeply, but can't handle feelings. We were together four years in a mostly good relationship. He wanted to date and still be friends with me, business as usual. Nope!! I walked away. He expressed his feelings again as I left. Point is, he still has feelings for me! He still texts and calls. I ignore him.. Do you really want to be a rebound?? Do you really want to be in a relationship and have him return if the ex will take him back? If he loves his ex you will always be second place. There is nothing you can do, even if he remains with you. His HEART is with his ex!

You are so wise. I'm so glad I found this video.

This video just saved my relationship. Thank you so much for sharing ❤️

Thank u for the advice after 8 months! I had very hard beginning in relationship and your video helped me. It took 4 months of suffering, now i am finally happy with my bf who seems to be happy with me as well and forget about his ex :) Ladies, my advice is: if u really want that guy, go for it! But remember, here are no garanties and it could be extremely hard to deal with the guy whose heart is not completely yours...yet ;)

Let me add another type of woman you cannot complete with-his mother. It took me 25 years to finally walk away-broken hearted- especially because I knew from the beginning that it was an impossible relationship. Toxic mothers don’t go away, even after they die

Wow I feel REALLY GOOD that My Man decided on his own free will and not because i was chasing and begging HELL NO I was to HURT with him so I walked away knowing My Worth💯💯💯 Now WE have a Wonderful Healthy Loving Relationship Living Together for 2 yrs has giving US lots of growth and maturity and WE indulge IN OUR LOVE 💕 EVERYDAY 💋🌸🐸🐞🐧🔐💚💜

Let him go.

I dated a guy with kids and he was complaining about his ex all the time. Yet he helped his ex with everything. She stole money from him. Abused him verbally and she even physically attacked him. 3 years past and he didn't even sign the co parenting contract. He keeps going to her house and cooking dinners. Still supporting her financially. When I started dating him. He never told his ex he was dating and I was like a slave. Cooking, cleaning, doing his laundry. I became a PA. Last straw he was babysitting his kids at her place and he slept over. And the next day he acted like nothing happened. When I got mad. He demanded that I should apologize. When I didn't he went with her on vacation and I just find out through SM.

I really do not agree with this "piece of advise", if you are preaching self value then you should value yourself enough to be with someone who is not hung up on someone else. Why should someone give their 100% when knowingly they probably will not receive it back emotionally,. I agree happiness comes from.within but self worth is knowing that you are worth someone elses 100%.

Not dating a guy who’s stuck in the past. If he’s not done living there, let him be. Everyone deserves to be priority.

Tf?? My insecurity????

I really don't mind being alone.

This really helped me thank you so much x

Thank you! I needed this but I want to add something; your views are right until and unless your boyfriend loves you, it is not fine if he doesn't love you but loves someone else.

This is fantastic advice and exactly what I needed. Thank you!

İ hope he marries her and i bever see him again .İ want him away from here ...

My partner has deep emotional entanglement with the mother of his illegitimate child, fathered while he was still married. Nineteen years later they communicate constantly, and have even reunited in the past. I would rather be single than tolerate this inappropriate behavior.

I date a guy he didn't tell me until after I was pregnant with his child that he stills loves his ex and told me that wore done that was a lie after I had his child he left me to go back to his ex they now married. I not finna be scattered again I loved his so much I wanted to spend my life with him and he knew that and still left me for his ex?

Thank you for your video. This is exactly what I need now.

No no no. I dated a guy who told me early on he was still in love with his ex. I should have run. I didn't. We lived an hour away from each other. He wouldn't let me go to his house because she lived nearby. I couldn't go out with him near his house because that's where they used to go. Then he went on vacation with another ex. He couldn't talk on the phone with me because that would be disrespectful to her. Basically I never saw him Monday thru Friday and was lucky I saw him once a week. And when he was at my house and he got a phone call he was with his sister or on a jobsite. I'm finally done. Stay away from anyone that says they're still in love with their ex. Believe them.

Subbed! Ashley you are fantastic at what you do!

Thank you so much, your advice is very helpful especially when you know you are with a great man, however he still not fully over with his ex. Working out a relationship first rather than walking out right away and to give yourself a time limitation at the same time is worth to try.

What if he's denying his feelings for his ex yes still entertaining her I can understand a child being involved but and I would never want to interfere with that

what if he got distant a bit and he said that he needs time and he is not able to talk about it right now, what to do? Leave him alone and let him come to me when he will figure out ?

I understand, I've been secure for almost 2 years now, but I found things like notes and things her ex gave to him on his apartment and I don't like that, for me it's like he isn't over his ex, do you understand how I feel? I'm going to talk to him but for real, who is he going to choose, his memories with someone that is not there anymore or me.

Thank you so much great advice many appreciated

Fantastic video! An ex is an ex for a reason. I also agree that honestly is a very good trait. She's right also about pushing him away. The more energy you put into the ex, the more he thinks about her. I've decided it's worth a go with the guy I am with. When he told me I gave him time and space to make sure he didn't subconsciously hold resentment against me. We talked more about it the next week. I told him I wasn't going to be sitting here waiting on him forever but I have no other plans or intentions with anyone else.

This made me feel so much better! Going through this right now and it’s hard everyday to decide if I wanna stay or leave but after watching this I think it’s worth fighting for

I was seeing a guy she found out he was seeing someone who was me. She calls him to ask if they can work it out. He txt me 2 days after not returning my calls, txt to tell me she ask if the could get back together? He told me he really like me, didn’t want me in a messy situation bcuz he’s not sure what he wants to do. I told him thanks for being honest, okay, I wish him well

Katie, I'm facing a similar situation, still recent. We chatted online and he wanted to meet and talked. He was honest at the first day and told me about the break (both agreed to remain good friends) between him and his ex/gf and bit more on the 2nd time meeting. We can always connect well and talk so comfortable for hours just fine. We haven't started official because i think he wants to get things straight out first. He told me that he's lost and trying to figure things out, so I haven't asked him what relationship we have or why he still wanted to meet me if things are not clear with his ex/gf yet. He doesn't talk about her often when we meet, even names, or what she looks like unless I ask. We normally talk about random topics related to religion, relationship, my crushes, someone's issues, and suddenly it leads to a bit about his. Im glad that he doesn't. What should I ask and/or when is the best time? Many would say I should stay out of the situation like that since it's bad, but I do agree with you that it's like I run away. In a relationship, many challenges can always happen, even if it's not his ex comes back, but it might be another guy who tries to step in between. What if I meet a guy who clearly wants me in the beginning, but his previous ex decides to come back after a few years and wants him back or he might cheat half way. Do I just get out of situation like that? I believe that the right person will stay, what's yours will always be yours, regardless of the situation.

Maa'm I loved your advised❤❤ It helped Me a lot and thought me things which noone would advise rather they just ask to stay away From the one i love And But you thought me something really helpful😊😊

What if all is going well and then he tells you he still has feelings for his ex and says he doesnt want to leave you but you dont deserve him and breaks up?

Best video i've seen on this topic.

Great advice ! Thanks !! I needed to hear that

In loving, pain is part of it. I like her advise. I will definitely give it a try. If we break up, then so be it. Atleast you try. Its not love if you're afraid of the pain. Take risk. We are talking about love. Thats for me!!! If you disagree, I respect that.

Ashley, just love the last thing you said about being courageous even when you're scared. I'm 62, divorced 15 years. Met a great guy 2 years ago who's now in middle of his divorce. We're sort of friendly, I 'd like more but terrified to scare him off...

What is he won't admit he has feelings for her?

After how long does he makes you priority?

This was all over the place smh

You're a horrible person for making this video full of terrible advice. If you actually have a job, I hope it isn't in therapy.

He told me three times when he was drunk that he loved his ex and for that we changed and could never go back and I can't give him my love anymore because he can't stop loving her and I don't hate him, I really like him but I don't think he's ready for me yet.

yeah, sooo...... my bf was with his ex for 7 years. They were married for 5 years. They've been broken up/divorced for 4 years. He had a girlfriend for 2 years before I met him. They have no kids. He still has his ex wifes clothes, her art, her photos, won't update his IG since the divorce even though he's active on it all day everyday. Has old video on his RU-vid that I saw but he has since put on private. When I asked him if he was over her he blatantly says no.... but as you can see from what I'm telling you this isnt the case. She's currently an artist and I can't even explain to you how angry he was with me when I followed her artist page. What do you do when every sign is there and he won't even admit to still having feelings and even going so far to say he doesn't. Because clearly he does.

I should just stay single it's better this way the guy I'm currently seeing is friends with his ex I'm willing to walk away

What if he keeps in touching with his ex as a friend what should I do? Thank you for your advice in advance.

Thanks so much for sharing your story. It helped to hear that it worked out well for you.

This is great very well put you have very good insight thankyou

Thanks for a wonderful msg😍

You made so much sense and I was wracking my brain. - recently they referred to one another as Sweetie and yah it shocked me. I have no claim on he or a one nor should I ever - I want to continue to enjoy him and that sounds wonderful until maybe he goes a different path

So wat if ur with a man for 4yrs n he nava tell u he's not over his ex...but u relaxed he's still texting n calling n meeting up with her behind ur back and wen u confronted him he denied it?

Um actually im also in this kind of situation that this guy flirted me.. and its been a month and i got attached to him.. after he said that he still missed his ex-gf sometimes (he just broke up with the girl about 2 mos ago), so i asked him for clarification: what is our relationship really in and he said, "FRIENDS?" damn, i'm hurted about that haha.. months of being with fun and excitement with him and its turn to makes me upset and angered to myself.. "woa i just got fooled" and now i dont know what to do if i will stay being friends with him and wait for him fully move on from his ex or run away but the thing is, i really like this person and i dont want to give up on him but its hurts me a lot when he just played me and makes me nearly rebound...ha idk nowㅡ.ㅡ

I've been seeing this guy for 2years since 2018. He broke up in 2017. He's still not over his ex. But wants me as well. Is it even worth a shot?

Thank you , love it ❤

This helped me so much.