I am a 29 year old man and I suffer from great shame in social situations with full blown blushing and it really really makes me avoid general human interaction. I suffer from the circumstances for a long time and I recently realized that I suffer from cptsd and I usually react with the fawn response. All of this makes the people around me not respecting me.. ... But what can I expect if I obviously can't even respect myself
Instead of a safe place I say the lord's prayer. I imagine God's kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. Complete peace. I ask for and accept my "daily bread" which is spiritual bread (grace, insight etc). I forgive someone (I am still not capable of forgiving everyone for everything, but I forgive someone for something) and accept forgiveness. I know God sees everything and the big picture of who I am and why I am the way I am, and therefore forgives and loves me. I also know that if God loves me, I also should love myself. I know this is not a Christian channel, I am just writing this to remind those who are Christian how healing the lord's prayer can be. Just stop and contemplate each part rather than just saying the words.
Since I started working on the inner child and mother wound 3 weeks ago. I have panic attacks I wake up to each morning. I felt inner child integrate with me in my body today so I'm hoping panic attacks are going to stop. I was resisting accepting child unconditionally. I've been in bed for three years to avoid all pain. It hasn't worked and now I'm in the deep. Also lost my young son 11 years ago and that's raw still since I refused to feel that. Anyway, Panic starts and I have to active my vagus nerve.... But like 5 or 6 times a day. Hours of crying a day which is fine I just can't handle the vomiting, bathroom, panic, shaking like a chahuahua in the cold rain. Ugh....
I'm trying to use your tip right now to imagine I can put my thoughts in a box to return to later. I often think unkind angry things about myself regarding times that I betrayed myself and didn't stick up for myself because I didn't have the power and leverage to do so, or because I didn't realize I was in a situation that called for me to stick up for myself. I also want to stick up for myself in a way that doesn't harm anybody. So usually this means being silent and avoidant. So I constantly have this sense of betraying myself and hating myself for being unreliable.
Really enjoying this but are there more to come as I feel like the journal so far is about ‘setting us up safely’ to do the real work, feels like we haven’t actually done any work yet? Many thanks!
