Healing Trauma in a Toxic Culture with Dr. Gabor Maté | Being Well Podcast 

I found him only since the pandemic, am clean off meth 8 years...but still working on recovering. This lecture is absolutely profound.🙏🏻

@@mani7263 first comes self awareness, acceptance and then for me … art ! I share my experience under a-shared-experience on tumblr . 196 days sober

@@missscribbles6530 I need help since COVID 19 Il lost everything including my discipline... and now I became addicted to meth as well and I don't klnow how ... .. Never thought that Iwould get so depressed to become that... I just don't know how to change... and what is killing me is the loneliness ... Thank you for sharing... it gives me hope. B Taylor ... I've been listening everything on Dr. Gabor Mate .. and it rings true to me somehow...

@@iMakeThinkingFUN Covid caused all of our distractions to melt away and forced us to sit with our pain, our truths. Meth is a simple solution so it’s easy to turn to, I’m 198 days sober and very much accepting my pain . There will always be pain and always easy solutions to avoid it , look for what brings you joy , even if it’s not easy

That was a very inspiring discussion... I Iaughed but mostly shed quiet tears of relief.....it's been so worth the ongoing long journey home to my true self.

God bless you sister!

I really feel you, am 62 now and aware still a novice in authentic compassionate self awareness d living, go gently, indigenous culture healthy has much to teach us ❤

Completely n accord🎉

It is interesting how even though we can be raised in the same environment, as siblings, our experiences are unique. I left a messed up family as young teen and feel as if I am the only sibling out of six who survived with a healthy mental attitude after what we experienced. Some siblings were monetarily more successful, but have addictions, anger problems, relationship difficulties, etc. Or blame their current problems on their upbringing, when they’ve had years to work on healing themselves.

@@alaska9077 Congratulations on realizing what success is, which is actually feeling peace within oneself🕊

@@ladybug5859 Thank you friend. I had a big party for myself when I bypassed how many years I had lived in the home I was raised. I had decided that I had 16 years to undo what they had inflicted for 15 years. 31 was a fantastic birthday!! It was a victorious feeling. 🥳🎉

I try NOT to be the kind of mother mine was.

Thank you for sharing your story here. You can be very proud of yourself for breaking the trauma cycle in your family. Sometimes, it is hard to se it on your own how much your childhood traumatic experiences effected you. having someone who can support you connecting with those painful experiences can be incredibly helpful. Gabor, was needed to spread out awareness on the importance of our feelings from babies into adulthood

You and your dad left me cold. You confronted a man who is and has been an open book about his entire life. He is one of the most transparent human beings I have ever seen. Your quiet methodical voices plotted and planned putting your 'intellectual' sentences together fell very short to me in this interview as you seemed to have had no reason to interrogate (attack) Dr. Gabor Mate re: his life and direction which he has shared world wide in a multitude of videos, books, speaking engagements et al., especially pulling pretty much all together in his most recent book, The Myth of Normal. I see clearly that the angst between you and your dad in taking advantage of Gabor's Compassionate Inquiry methodology which may help you both find your true selves. And your speaking patterns to me are too robotic and seem to come across as you think yourselves perhaps way above most others in your soft spoken demeanor, as an actual riot lives inside your minds and bodies. The gig is up which is a blessing in the works. So glad I can express my thoughts as you just did. Hope you both can come off your high horses, exchange truths, heal, forgive, lighten up and relax and have some really good times together. Painful, but healing, freedom and peace will come.

Wait, what? "Nature wants us to be yourself more than nature wants us to survive." This is total bunk! THE MOST IMPORTANT THING NATURE WANTS US TO DO IS SURVIVE...and it will do so under any condition.

@@robynhope219 Yeah...well I think we all have that survival instinct ...but it's one part of a complex system. We are complex beings with biological, psychological, social, and spiritual dimensions, and these factors are interconnected and mutually influential. Changes in one domain can affect other domains, leading to an impact on overall health and well-being. The way I'm taking this comment is that "if we are not allowed to be ourselves, there is a part of us that can lose the will to live....this can be unconscious and can even lead to Physical and physiological changes we may not even be aware of...and behaviors that don't support our health, etc...."

@@macoeur1122 I think our false selves are there to survive. We will abandon them when no longer needed.

@@robynhope219 I'm not sure what you mean by "false self" but I do feel that all parts of us exist for a purpose...and it stands to reason that they will persist for as long as they need to.

Not every catastrophe is worth believing in. Have you ever read "Chronicles of a death Foretold" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez? It is brilliant. The man won a Nobel prize for literature sometime in the 80's. He is deceased but his writing remains effervescent. In this short fiction work, he chronicles what appears to be a myriad of coincidences leading to a murder. And yet he reveals how intentions and ethics and ignoring how we treat people, even just ignoring people period, are what leads to disaster. The characters have their memories of the weather even warped by their inner trauma. I find this to be a useful analogy. People are obsessed with the climate because they are told to and because it is a big enough issue (like the cardinal's arrival in town in the Marquez book) as to distract them from intimate issues demanding their concern. You can't heal the planet through globalist campaigns. These are a ruse. The greatest strength and/or biggest blight to the world is still how well you helped a neighbor.

I believe I may be experiencing something similar to you - a sense of impending doom, very graphic mental images, in combination with feeling absolutely helpless to do something about it or prevent it. It's been very difficult for me to find a way to handle these thoughts and the resulting feelings. One approach that gives me hope is trying to find compassionate language to speak to the part of me (inner child) that feels helpless (Dr. Kristin Neff focuses on compassion meditation), to remind myself that I am safe in this moment (in no immediate danger), and force my mind and body to focus on things I do have control over - taking some sort of immediate action that can affect my life in a positive way today (do something nice for myself, care for my surroundings and people). Wishing you all the best, Ryan.

I can recommend Joanna Macy The Work that Reconnects. It is brave and wholesome in the face of these things

@@rosieheller8989 Thank you and everyone else that replied. I'm very familiar with Joanna Macy but I've never actually read any of her books so I think the time is calling me to do just that. Best of luck to you and everyone else on this journey

@@ryanbachman3850 that's great, the workshops based on WTReconnects are great if reading doesn't appeal (and a great way to connect to others who feel the same!)

Was / is his mother loud or disagreeable?

It is my ❤️. In fact I let a # of career choices go in order to be with my growing son and to have a place for his friends or even aquaintences to come to to feel safe to receive treats and to do activities just for them to show up. As that was what saw me thru my childhood. It was good when they were 13 years and younger. There was that window of opportunity I felt. And I tried to have balance of showing attention and allowing them space. Presently its my joy in life when I can connect with parents @ their child and interact very briefly to let the child know they exist and are enjoyable just existing. Because I feel good but because they allow themselves to appreciate their child more. 👩‍🎤

You mean mental right? You bet.

And all of the conspiracy theories! This has had a huge effect on me. With my experiences and observations and discovery. I was taught to trust. Loosing that has triggered CPTSD.

Did you think you were special ? No one in this country is special ! That’s the American way!

@@Lemoncare No , I have control over my ego. I was merely making a point. It is effecting many people and peoples health is risk. It’s very concerning to me, Most people think we have better healthcare and have some upper hand over non medical folks. Thing is we are the same.

@@deborahlevine2740 Yes, it has been extremely difficult for many people, it’s awful.

Dear Autumn, seems that is the better name for you. Seasoned, experienced, reaping harvest but also some loss of leaves. It's logical to lose hope in society, when you see it deteriorate before your very eyes. Where you see evil people hurt better people. The pain is real and it is severe: the pain of injustice. Those crying the loudest among the meanest of them all. All I can say, is that this was predicted in the Bible, of people becoming like this. "But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these." 2 Timothy 3: 1-5. It's easy to see this in today's society. But this is not my home. And although I try my best to leave earth better, than I found it, I only started doing so, after I got touched by God. Before I was as selfish as the next person. He changed me from a taker into a giver. I could not have done that myself. Still, most people don't seek after God and subsequently never get such experiences of radical change. Their default seems to be that, which I had before: get what you can, you are number one, look out for yourself, etc. All things going in against love and kindness and goodness. The Bible calls that the 'flesh' warring against the Spirit of God. But those, who allow God, will be changed from the inside out. Alas, so many don't allow Him, as they value their sins more. So silly. Anyway, what helps me through, is the knowledge that life on earth is relatively short and earth is not my permanent home. Permanent is heaven.

K.R.Douglas - I am just now seeing this interview & reading these comments. Thank You for sharing your painful journey. I, too, had a similar journey with my family physically & verbally abusing me as a child & being verbally & emotionally abused by my mother & sister as an adult. Now, they have disowned me because I have tried to speak truth & assert my needs & opinions which they don't respect or care about. I, too, have thought of suicide but it would only cause suffering to the few things in life that depend on me like my 3 dogs. You see, my only daughter died of an overdose 2 1/2 yrs ago by someone who did it to her on purpose. The grief was and still is enormous. I try to stay busy & read & study as much as I can. All you can do at this point is accept what you can't change (your family) and change the things you can (yourself). It's not an easy journey, I hate my first name, too. When I have to use it in public, I use my middle name. That might help. Good luck.

I love the name Karen…it seems so strong and balanced.

From the beginning when they started making “Karen” a negative personality, it was deeply disturbing and even sickening to me. It’s a harmful phrase I would never use. I always felt bad for all the innocent people named Karen, having to unfairly tolerate all that negativity. You sound like a very good, decent, and sensitive/empathic person and you don’t deserve that. Know that there are also kind people out there who care. I was born into a family with dysfunction and relate to what you are saying, please remember to take extra good care of yourself, love yourself unconditionally. See Eckart Tolle’s books and A New Earth.

None of this is ok...ppl will do whatever they get away with. It's the nature of the human beast. There is still goodness in the world, just harder to find. Don't lose hope!

Yes. I have a close friend who will turn a conversation that is directed at "trauma" and say how wonderful her Mother was and that she herself never had to deal with poor parenting. Yet...her Father was an alcoholic and dumped the family. Denial is protective and can be important but not at some point in your life.

Yeah a lot of people deny that the COVID pandemic has had a traumatic effect on our culture the last two years similar to World War 2 in a previous generation. Life may never be back to normal pre-pandemic and it’s devastating.It’s easier to deny this Trauma and try to go on with a normal life like the pandemic never happened. It’s too painful to acknowledge a Traumatic event because that means emotional healing is required which is painful for most people.

Thank you Val! I appreciate it. Gabor had some kind words for us after the conversation that meant a lot to Rick and me.

@@ForrestHanson you’re welcome …. meant to add earlier, it was great that your Dad was part of this conversation, particularly in light of the discussion on trans generational trauma … having two generations in both the authors and the reviewers provided very open and honest viewpoints - I don’t know many people who would share space with their parents in this way, or sit down together to write a book on such sensitive topics. It gives me great hope for more reconciliations between parents and their children, alienated in our ‘toxic culture’. Thank you Rick, Forrest, Gabor and Daniel - there’s hope for us all 🥰

I've been listening to podcasts with Gabor Mate all week. This is the best one I've heard because the persona of the podcasters is minimized. Probably due to how much healing work they have done. There is a real presence that allowed more information to flow and storytelling that Illuminated the books concepts. Just wanted to express appreciation for that here.

Yes the recap was exceptional as was the whole presentation

@@denisesatt7044 I have listened to this conversation at least 20 times now … I’ve lost count! Each time I discover something I missed, there is so much in this. This could be a really good documentary to help parents who are experiencing constant conflict with their adult children, also for anyone who has a loved one who is an addict. It’s an incredible episode.

I just called out my narc dad and went no contact. I just can't justify having a relationship with my past abuser

This is a really difficult situation to deal with, and I'm glad you've found the channel supportive!

@@cynthiafortier2540 narcs never change just get worse with age. let go of anger and resentment, it will eat you up alive. let go with compassion. hugs.

I can relate to a certain degree with you and your sister. My legal parents became horribly brainwashed and aggressive and lost in their egos and hypocrisy in the last 6-8 years and all they care about is television and money and Facebook and their position at their job…I’m barely 30, I’ve worked 32+ jobs and am partially disabled from chronic pain conditions and cancer and all I am to them is an empty wallet that they play the blame game with while threatening and also physical abusive while denying it to my face. I’ve moved out twice and the job market is basically dwindling and all I know is isolation with my cat. You can be a good hearted person with potential and gifts and if you’re around hypocrites and brainwashed bipolar unhealthy narcs then you either get out somehow or become an accidental victim. Stay positive and compassionate and thanks for sharing your story.

I too am suffering as you are and for similar reasons, so first I extend my love to you 🙏 what has helped me to be more understanding and forgiving of others poor treatment of me, is that I believe they do not have the awareness or the courage necessary to repent. Therefore, we are the ones who must stay aware and courageous! In that way, we can forgive and heal! Pray for them, as I will pray for you! God bless you my dear 🙏❤️ FYI, you don’t have to have people in your life if they’re a danger to you, but you can still find compassion, understanding and forgiveness for their shortcomings 🙏

Thanks Brian!

We all addicted to our phones 😮

@@bernadettebradley7951 Not, all of us are

@@tmmartinesq.6216 Yeah, riiiiiiight. You are very ignorant for saying that.

Thank you Natasha!

Thank you!

Superb. Thank you. That breaks down everything I have thought about racism, it's effect on me personally, witnessing other people affected, and getting a feeling about that very question. I'm white. Had a very traumatic childhood for years on end. Being less privileged as a white guy in an immigrant family wasn't too shabby. But I had to hear all my parents' stories about being Dutch, with strong accents, in Canada got them treated horribly. Montreal. French people hated the Dutch in general and treated my family horribly. They didn't pay them sometimes so they went without food. So they moved to Ontario, worked in factories, on farms, and on retail. Mom worked in Tobacco and old age homes. Dad worked in a store, on farms, and in a factory. They had 5 jobs together. Mostly physical labour. After the war, they left Holland with nothing. Raising us was another story and hell. Intergenerational trauma ensued. I'm 50. I'm still in therapy. White privilege? Yes. I suppose because even though family was treated like garbage, no one would hire them as immigrants, but eventually their whiteness wore off on other white Canadians. Clearly, if they were black life would be more hell. My journey was rough. But, if I was black it would be more hell. So, that's obvious to me. Being white, even if the journey is awful too sometimes, black stories from black friends unsettle me the most. They can have a bad family life and also get treated horribly by the world at large. And that's just skimming the surface of what they deal with. Again, I'm not them. But I learned by listening to their stories. Tough life. My Dad made it his mission to help any other immigrant or local person that was a minority. He didn't do it for prestige or virtue signalling or whatever. He saw an opening to help those in need and offered a helping hand. Black. White. Brown. Gay. Straight. He was always good to others from war times to his death knowing "the other" had it worse. I do the same. Best I can do under the circumstances I'm in. Read. Read. Read. And get other people's perspectives as often as possible. Life is more wonderful sharing stories and trying to get along as best as possible. Try.

@@randymulder9105 Thank you for sharing Randy. 🙏

@@KatCheairs you know. I'm trying. I try. I listen. If I don't get it. I talk to people from different places and with different journeys than my own. And what I finally learned. It's not that people of colour are trying to take away anybody else's struggles or journey...whether they be privileged, positive, negative, horrible, and/or great lives. People are fighting to have their voices heard and understood. I'm gay, so I think it helps a little bit to understand the concepts that if you do not fit the norms in society, appear or behave differently than the majority that you are treated in a way that is detrimental to your mental health and well being. And that's speaking mildly about volumes of historical nightmarish stories. I will do what I can to listen to someone else's voice and believe them and their story. And do what I can to support their ability and opportunity to thrive and survive. I'm glad that some people succeed and make it in the world being a minority despite all the negative experiences. Sadly. I know too many people that are not doing well. The weight of the world on their shoulders while navigating a constant barrage of negative stereotypes and horrible experiences eventually breaks their spirit. Here's to hope, hard work, voices heard and understood, and people with a supportive nature. Conversations like these move me along to better serve the minorities in my community. I need to learn how to interact, behave, and converse in this complex social world. Ignorance is NOT bliss.

Why shouldn’t serious help be offered? Surely nothing can heal if we mostly meet it with neglect. If we had less fake healing (medical system etc.) in our society and more real healing, I think it’d be a lot easier to help people. Many healthy hands (minds/hearts) make light work.

Yeah, I'm "that gal", too, Dr. Gabor, me too. Making those repairs. Fortunately and unfortunately, my parents are still alive. You will never know how much it hurts.

Is it kind. Is it true. Is it necessary. Those must be Statements of a Creed not just questions but a Code, a code of my conduct, my words, my communication with myself and my relationships.

If there wasn’t any kind of trauma then the attachment would be secure 🤔 so that statement doesn’t make much sense.

Seems like you missed the point, @@penyarol83. My point was concerning those with insecure attachment and the nuances of little t's (traumas not remembered, but the person shows signs of childhood trauma still). I will refrain from engaging on the topic of secure attachment, as you referenced.