I feel like people aren't used to a community of love. That's what God wants for us. I didn't have any family around when i was pregnant and gave birth to my two children. I would never hate on someone else who has a healthy community of support. It's beautiful and fosters happy people, a happy marriage, and a happy family. We need to learn that our situations and how we have adapted to circumstances is not the standard. God's word and will is.
After my first, second, and third child was born I stayed in bed for (2) weeks, I did not leave or go outside of the house for a month and I couldn't wash my hair for (6) months. My mother used the same reasoning as taking care of your body and health. That's true and I did not fight her on it I felt better because of it. I think that young mother's move around way to soon after giving birth. Love you guys❤
“ What are the postpartum traditions in Ethiopia? The mother rests in the house for 40 days after the birth. She is usually separated from her husband and is sexually inactive during this period. The husband, family, friends and neighbors are in charge of making sure that there is sufficient food and comfort for the mother during this time “
When I had my son in late 1980 in the US, I stayed inpatient status in hospital for 3 days after his birth (vaginal)so my body can get rest. That use to be the norm. Now they push Mom s out to work and go home. Things change. In England , my relative had her baby there the norm was a nurse daily for 2 months come to your home to assist you as new Mom and to get body back and help you as new mom. Birthing takes a toll on the female body. You were smart to get your body rest .You followed the advice to help you and your family. Do not let other bully you cause you are pretty, got great husband, and smart lady to follow directions. Good discussion!
Lexi, I beg, don’t listen to those brainwashed people. That is such an American and problematic way of thinking. I’m Nigerian and there’s literally a word in the igbo language that means a time to rest after child birth called Omugwo. This is the time when the mother literally does nothing but eat, pee, rest and breast feed. The whole village and all your family and friends come and help take care of the baby until you recover. This can be up to 6 months! A woman’s body gos through trauma during childbirth. She needs all the support she can get for as long as possible.
That is an historic/internalized way of thinking. Have a baby and keep working the field. Have a baby and go home in 24 hours. FOOLISHNESS! Yes having help/husband is a blessing that some don/t have but if you do utilize that time of sabbath it is a command. You will have that human forever so get that rest when you can! IJS Love you guys!
Brian when you shared the story about Aza saying “ I miss my Daddy” she was actually saying in her own way….”Thank You Daddy, I Love You Daddy.” I needed that and thank you for noticing it by giving me some “Daddy Time” You are a great Dad❤️🤗❤️🤗
First of all, I love y'all's podcast because you both ARE so real, open and honest on every subject/topic that you talk about. However, on this subject, I am wondering if the reaction that Lexi experienced with her postpartum recovery is "uniquely " American and the reason I say this is because I follow other families who are not American but are African and when a baby is born, the mothers would come and spend like 3-6 months with their daughters and the daughters do absolutely nothing at this time but rest and completely recover. I have East Indian friends whose parents do the same when their daughters have a baby. So, I know back in the day, American mom's would come and spend as much time as they could when their daughters had a baby, but I dont know how much of this still happens nowadays. I mean, I think for those who do have that type of support still have the kind of support that Lexi has, but from what Lexi described, I am wondering if this has lessen in our American culture. Thoughts ??
Oh wow great conversation as usual. The receiving and accepting help hit hard that's for sure, it's always out of fear for me and I didn't realize it until this conversation.
Omg I didn't think these episodes could get better, but each one gets deeper! Towards the middle of the episode, there was a part that Brian brought up about does lexi feel gulit or a type of way about ppl judging for being able to have so much help and I think as a viewer there is a feeling of being happy for someone's success or someone being able to afford a luxury, that when you yourself don't have it, it can be hard to watch someone else having it. But i think this discussion was really great on so many levels, it does open up another kind of conversation around what sharing your lifestyle can do and does to people overall. Thank you for another great episode❤ looking forward to next Monday already!
I I love hearing your birth and postpartum story! I wish there were more like this. As a🇨🇦 in🇺🇸 I was terrified to (with justified reason) to give birth here. I was told by some co-workers that I was “lucky” to have 3 months off (crazy…my mind always thought I’d have a year.. throughout my pregnancy I totally considered leaving and heading back home 🇨🇦for my safety and well-being…and honestly I wish I had) I feel like most people don’t have the privilege among all generations (especially among Black and/or American persons) and therefore it is coming from a deep mindset of fear, personal trauma, guilt and/or lack of empathy and understanding or knowledge (in areas of psychology and physiology). All a deflection of their own personal challenges and trauma…
You are so lucky that you were able to take the time you needed after having your babies. Every family regardless of how many kids really needs the same amount of time also but it’s unfortunate that is not the case. I think that you should not catch heat because you are living how God designed. However that just not everyone’s story for various reasons. And it’s not like you are snubbing other family types. I don’t have the same family life that you have I am a single mom with two guys and we are a family nevertheless even though I am the only parent in my home. I have had lots of friends/fam help. And I am eternally grateful. When I see you guys I don’t look through jealousy glasses, I am just happy to see you guys happy. And it’s ok that your life is different from mine. You guys are a nice example of love and partnership. And I know one day I will have the same with the right person. You guys give hope to the singles in my opinion!
4:28 it shows what a loving, supportive husband you have and that you feel loved and cared for in such a life changing, monumental time in your life where you are allowed to collect, reflect and digest what you went through to bring life into this world and to give your body a chance to heal. Society forgets that you, as the mother, need to be functional in order to look after yourself and a baby, so take that rest💜
My niece and I are are the same age (27 yrs old rn) and when she was preparing to have her first child 3 years ago I was the only one that provided products for her to care and pamper herself after the baby came. People always gives to the baby, but I feel when a mother is able to at least shower and cream her skin and her face, at least, then she can be a better mother all around. She is still somebody after the baby, she still matters
In Spain they just upped the Paternity leave to 4 months and maternity including lactation hours about 5 month and a half. But I have Swedish and Finish friends and in their country it is 1 year and the second year payment 70% etc
It blows my mind how there is no official maternity leave in the U.S. - in the U.K. you get a year off with full pay (or at least a few months on full pay)
People tend to have hidden jealousy when their life is not what they want that they see in you or someone else......we want to tell our circle thinking that they care.... but they don't....your life is CENTERED BY GOD.......Family your rest was well deserved 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
Great conversations. Thank you for your podcast. You are helping others who are dealing with different situations in life. You are also making people smile. You have a wonderful life and a beautiful family. Thank you for sharing and thank you for caring about others.
I think you did the right thing by listening to your midwife. I think a lot of times people don’t have PTO to takeoff that loan. It’s offered for six weeks but if you don’t have PTO you can’t takeoff. And a lot of people don’t have the support that you had to take it easy to go to bed to rest and someone else help you with the baby, so I don’t think people should judge you and if they go back to work in two weeks if they go back to work in three months well and good for them so I just think that they should think the same way about you and not judge you.
I’m sorry why some people sound like haters . At least they were honest with you so you can determine who to share things with. It is sad that people think a woman gives birth with help means that they had an easy life and nothing to complain about very disgusting. Let us love and have compassion. Ask for help or just celebrate each other for giving birth to a healthy baby. Very eye opening when you guys are open because it would help me when I decide to have my own family some day.
Kudos to you for taking the three weeks. I wish I could’ve done the same. But I had to do what I had to do. You’re village is beautiful! I want my daughter to have a village even though I did not!
I’m happy for you two ! God is good ! Yes please share how you got here ! We have no support but we believe that God wants us to live an abundant life as well
This is my first time posting bit I have watched ever podcast you have but I wanted to say this when Lexi said she rested for 3 weeks I was like man she is so entitled and I had to check myself and was like that is coming from a space of jealousy because I don’t have the support that she has but also because like Brian said it comes from a place that our fore parents were the get up and go mentality and you still have a house and husband to take care of but also I feel too like when you ask for help people also judge you they say things like why have kids if you can’t take care of them so they make you feel like dirt. So asking for help can be hurtful or shameful. I have 6 kids 2 grown now and 4 smalls under 9 and even though I am married the support that your friend family and Brian give you is amazing and sometimes it can sting for others that look and your life and wish they had a little bit of what you guys have built. I love watching but sometimes it can sting a little when you see people have what you can only wish for. Still love you guys and I will always watch
I wish I would’ve had the opportunity to do that, girl! Do not feel bad because you had that! You were blessed to have the support to do so, so good for you! This isn’t the normal now a days, but Spanish people used to demand the moms to be bed ridden for at least a month. I’m glad you had the opportunity to give yourself that resting time, because whether you could get up the next day or not, ITS NEEDED 🫶🏼🤍
Thanks for sharing! As someone who just came out of a season of substitute teaching, where the school staff and I had to manage up to 28 students at a time, I think caring for a child is work that’s worth staying at home to tend to. It shouldn’t be seen as a labor that’s excluded from meaningful labor like a commitment supporting an organization because most organizations that are legitimate, generally serve people in the community. A child needs more support to survive. Sometimes it’s good to ask the question, is this work going to encourage our family’s ability to thrive and really recognize basic needs for each other as God leads each person to be prepared each day. I appreciate your example of this.
I can say Lexi had it good in terms of support. When I had my child there are many times I could not have done stuff, but if I didn’t do it, it won’t be done. I’ve seen a lot of people who have support actually still complain and I usually look at them and wonder what exactly are they complaining about. For those women who have support be grateful for it because listen when you are a single mother it’s different out here. If you don’t feel like cooking or anything else you better get up and do it. You have to be strong out here. When I gave birth to my child the same day I was up and walking . I cried so many times because I couldn’t do it alone, but I had to do it. It was really rough
Beautiful podcast and this will be a long comment. I never had kids and I am older than ya'll. But when my sister and I were born and she was eight years older than me, after you had a baby you stayed in the hospital 3 weeks and once released you were on home mostly bedrest for a month and I think it should still be that way. I blame insurances, because now when a woman has a baby she is released in one day. I think this wrong because anything could happen. My delivery was hard for my mother, I don't think she had such a hard one with my sister. But after she gave birth to me, she hemorrhaged and became paralyzed in her left hip and leg. And her and I stayed in the hospital a month! Thank GOD these issues cleared up. And my parents had a support team, our grandmother lived in Detroit, so my dad took her to live with grandmother, until things leveled out, our dad at that time worked construction and since I was born in the winter and we live in the NE ,because of the winter weather they couldn't work, our dad was laid off. He helped take of me and my mother, if he didn't know how to cook something he asked my mother. Now at that time my family lived in a private home but the people that owned it rented out rooms to families. And they became my GOD PARENTS, thus another part of my parents, support system, because they became family! When things settled down with the new baby (me) my sister came home from Detroit and my GOD FATHER helped my dad get a job in the Rubber Plant that he worked in, which my dad worked there and retired from. And when we finally moved out when I was three and my sister was eleven, my GOD PARENTS bought my parents curtains for every room in the house! And since we only moved about six blocks up on the same street we still connected! And to this day I still feel like we are family! I believe in modern things but we still need the old. And GOD provides, my parents and GOD parents, were GOD CENTERED, and Lexie so are you and Brian, that is why he supplies ya'll with a support system! Why some people question it and don't understand it, is because sadly in America in all cultures ,some not all people don't follow GOD 's path or teach their children about community and ❤! There is an old African saying that goes like this "It takes a village to raise a child!" And my other Heritage Native American, live by this also! And it was a time more Americans did! But as I said earlier, a lot of people have gotten off GOD'S path so they don't understand! None of us are perfect, but we can strive and try to seek and stay on the path! Some people don't! Love and Blessings to the Cole Life and stay on the path in JESUS name AMEN AMEN!😇❤🙏☝️
I think here in sweden maternal leave is 7 weeks and paternal the same. It might be 7 weeks in total but that seems like not so much, my uncle recently had a kid and i think he had more time off but it was like 3 years ago. I cant imagine living in america, here most people have up to a month off of work payed and thats often mandatory meaning your forced to take your vacation days, ofvoruse you can still work while taking your vacation though. My dad works for an american company and he always has a lot of fun telling his american collegues how many vacation days he gets 😂
Other places are Canada and here, men get 6 months and moms 18month! A full year paid and then the rest you get 70% of your salary if you were working. If you so choose, you can share your maternity and have it even with your partner/ spouse. It’s really crazy out there getting only 3 months or even 6 weeks!!!
When I had my two children I lived in California. I received five months off paid 50 percent of my salary. I was able to end my work in my eighth month and was paid. I received in total 6 months. My second child I was off from May to September which was the same amount of time. I was a single mother and was able to take the time off. Granted, I had a lot of help from my mom and friends. I supported my self financially.
Go into teacher education and you will see all types of stuff that parents go through. My mom had us and left education to care for us for a short while. My grandmother and aunts were across the road and my dad had a good job but this was a long time ago. The nuclear family is gone now and these ladies and their families are catching it. They need your/our respect and care. Becoming a doula is a tough part of health care education.
Great podcast! I live in the United States. When I had my first daughter 29 years ago, my work maternity leave was 6 weeks paid and that's it. My husband did not get paid leave, instead, he had to use a week of his vacation to stay home with me. Same situation for my 2nd daughter 25 years ago while I was working for a different company. From my understanding, depending on the company you work for, the standard paid maternity leave is still 6 weeks, and you can remain off work up to without pay under the Family Medical Leave Act and your job position still be held when you return. This made life very difficult for us especially while I was breastfeeding my oldest daughter because I had to wean her earlier than I wanted to (there were no lactation rooms at work to allow mothers to pump during the day). Companies in the United States need to update the maternity and paternity leave rules like some other countries in the world.
It depends on the country you live in for the maternity leave. In Canada we get a year for Maternity. USA, it depends on the company you work for, estimated about 8 weeks maternity leave. If you have PTO you can use that time along with your regular maternity leave.
The concern here is that Hollywood has made a mess of this real-life situation. The closest situation that I saw this on film was the secenario on "Downtown Abbey" when the youngest daughter of the wealthy family died shortly after childbirth. Today,the village has been destroyed by what our communities call the demise of the nuclear family. Also this is a very private situation and respect and care needs to be pleasant.
Lexi you did the right thing .when you have a baby your body is wide open, you are bleeding more than your period. You should not be around any body. You should be on maternity leave for 6 weeks,
Sister's about to have a kid Mom's relocated to Canada for the next couple of months to help out It's Igbo (a Nigerian ethnic group) tradition My sister's mother in law will also be in Canada for a couple of months First few weeks much of the heavy lifting with the baby is done by the grandmother(s) Mom rests Dad supports mom and faces capitalism New moms have been known to take a few months to a couple of years off work to adjust to having a child (or children) My older brother's wife didn't work for 3 years after her first kid America - maybe the west generally - is a bit delusional about how "independent" people and families have to be
8:43 the criticism is proof we don’t value moms and their need for rest and care. It’s sounds like how dare you rest. This a mentality towards women and especially black women
A lot of moms cannot stay in bed for 3 weeks! They are back at work in 6 weeks. Some do not have a support system and do not work from home. If you can do it fine. I think people may think you are bragging to them about what you were able to do and take it the wrong way - even though that was not your intention.
Well said, she was lucky to have that and thank God.. Others we just need to carry on and that's that.. let's just be mindful of who and how we speak of our experiences cause we are not all at the same level..
My take is different than many. I don’t think you need to be mindful of sharing your journey. I think we need to start holding haters accountable. If you are running your own race then please stop shading others. If what someone else is doing doesn’t directly affect you why are you bothered. I think people who choose to throw thinly veiled shade instead of being happy for you should be looked at twice unless they’re willing to work on healing what makes them bitter and judgmental about your good fortune.
It's nobody's business how long a woman takes to recover from having a baby. Human beings are always doing most. Mind your own business and do what's best for your household. People need to learn this🤔
If anyone could find out with countries that allow women to stay home bond and rest with their babies, what is the rate of postpartum depression among those women?
*What I don't fully grasp is how you guys mentioned how you worked Hard to have this time with the kids and to financially be able to afford more support, to just after mention that you Now don't spend as much time with them. And tthat the focus is on Quality time now. Makes me wonder is all the hard work worth it, to after still have less time, just more money to cover the lack of time???*
