I suffered and wanted to divorce for years but didn’t pull the trigger because we had a young child among other reasons. One day she suddenly said she wanted out. The child was just about to start high school. Even though I had wanted out for many years, I had decided to wait until the child was out of high school. So many years wasted and the anger was off the charts. Its been six years, and I don’t see remarrying in my future.
A story as old as time. The woman gets bored of paradise, turns to the serpent, the serpent tells her sweet lies, she embraces the lies, and destroys paradise
Clown world indeed. Female nature is bad enough then throw in social media making her think everyone’s else’s life is so perfect and she can just snap her fingers and find another you as soon as she doesn’t like something.
I tried to save the marriage… I was married for 30 years.. I saw a woman who was family proud turn into a lying deceitful selfish dismissive individual who took advantage of my loyalty, honour and respect while she had a 4 2:01 year betrayal with another man and at the same time telling me I was the problem, I was a horrible individual… the gaslighting was incredible.. I thought my love was poison. It took me years to work through it and yes.. my faith in women is slim to none..
Im not going to try and sell you something so I'll just say that there is a way back to you re claiming your life. First and biggest problem is your lack of sleep, that will destroy everything else in your life and I faced the same issues of an ex turning the kids against me as well, many of us reading this have been there. First, look into CBD products, the gummies and drops they sell have some THC in them and were very helpful in getting to sleep despite what I was experiencing. I also threw in melatonin, but I imagine you might have already tried melatonin so just ry some CBD products. If you are a coffee drinker, stay away from that, too much caffeine will fuck with your sleep patterns, go with green tea instead, much better for you! The best way to attack depression is through exercise, forget about therapy, exercise beats it and all you really need do is begin to just fucking walk! Walking is free, and getting outside will clear the air in your head as well. Action, not talking is key. Look into some form of resistance training, its also very good for you and will begin to rebuild your frame, you need to begin to celebrate your life again, give yourself something to look forward to daily, but reserve it as a reward AFTER you've got some goal done. Now for the most important part, and this is crucial: go back in time, to the place you were in your life right before you met your ex, look at that guy, your former unmarried self: who was he? what did he like to do? where did he want to go, associate with, accomplish? Bring him back from your memories into your present day life, ask your 20 yr younger self the big questions and seek the truth about yourself form him! What did he like to do in his spare time? Do that! Once you've re discovered the best parts of your past, and re generate them, now you can go into the future, find new things to do, new people to associate with but only when you remember who you were will you know what you are today. So re establish sleep, get out and walk, lift weights, remember who you were so you can become what you want once you align your past with your future and work forward into liking who you were before so you can love who you are afterward....... Oh, one other thing: Ask Jesus into your heart and release all the anxiety to him, thats the best therapy out there, Love God and so become a loving man again. Once you instill all these changes, and they are not that tough to do, be consistent, everyday with the exercise and better nutrition and sleep habits. Hopefully this will help you as you bring your old self back from your past, its no mystery when you love your history and that great guy you see in the mirror!
I hear this story a lot. As if women can be totally biased, or they haven no conscience. Also when men discus a bad relationship, they are more nuanced. The times I witnessed women talking about a bad relationship, they view the man like a monster, while the things he does wrong are not that bad at all.
I can understand your pain and confusion. It sounds devastating what you went through. My husband of 15 years left me for a 22 year old. We were in business together too. He took me to the cleaners. He took everything and left me with debt that I have no idea if I will ever recover. I hope you find peace on day.
It is the fickleness combined with the lack of self-questioning and the total absence of clarity of those female minds that annoy me badly. The idea of trusting an erring compass and inflicting damage onto others in the name of misguided trust & confusion.
Everything you said at the start of the video hit home for me. I am about 18 months in to my divorce. The anger has subsided, but paying alimony to someone that wanted the divorce is annoying. It’s like she tells me, I DON’T want you, I DON’T need you, but you need to pay me to not want to be with you. It’s like a tax and it impacts my ability to move forward in my own life
I have just fisnihed my last payement (8 years),lost my investments (rental properties) but managed to get my children through University. I met someone 6 years ago and very happy. My Ex: He became violent, children wouldn't see him and she finally moved out to a very small flat and lives off government money. She looks awful and blames me! I had to get the kids together recently and explain our story. I told them that I hope they all have wonderful relationships but people change as they get older. I never gave up on sports, hobbies....walking etc....Take care
Just stumbled across this. Its been 14 years for me, but it's still fresh. My ex pulled all this, but I flipped the script on her. I filed first and took the offensive. I ended up with the kids, the house, cars, even a child support judgement (unfulfilled). But all of that was only due to her being on drugs, she didn't have the wit to stand up to me in court. But if she had been sober, I would have lost it all for the dumbest reasons. I am afraid this video only underscores how men should avoid marriage for now, and until laws change. Until then, the best you can hope for is kids, then she can take it all away on a whim. Marriage, like the game in the movie WarGames, is game that a man can only win by not playing. Damn shame.
Same thing with me. DONT EVER stay with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Move on and man up. You will be happier, even if you are alone, you will have peace.
Agree. Marriage as an institution has to be entirely left behind, at least with current regulations. Childcare should be automatically split 50/50 after going apart and only in special cases proven at court be changed to 40:60, 20:80 - to either side.
Too much attempting to remove accountability for the behavior of women, I don't care if it's depression, or hormones, or anything else, she KNOWS she's hurting that man, usually for years before the breakup, there are no excuses for this, NONE. The man is NOT an emotional punching bag, if it's wrong time of month them how is it she's not being a b*tch to her work colleagues or her boss, or her parents??? It's absolutely 1000% deliberate and she's doing it with the FULL knowledge of how that is affecting that good man. She is then using his withdrawal and his reactions to the way she treats him, as proof that he's a bad person. This is NOT the behavior of a sane human being, it is not acceptable in any way shape or form, and it is ABSOLUTELY NOT something that other people should be helping to excuse...... That man is facing being blamed and ostracised by everyone he knows, because everyone ALWAYS blames the man, the system also blames the man and punishes him as if it was all his fault.
Wonder why men don’t learn from this ,women say the same thing over and over over ,no cuddling no intimacy ,no emotional support after years an so they divorce,,then men return with name calling ,strange ,why don’t they start cuddling,give emotional support,an intimacy then they would still be married,😊
Yup, like I sometimes tell my wife when she goes overboard, "you treat your co-workers far better than I"... If they can behave at work, why do they have to be so difficult at home?
@laurahenry3562 Most men simply get turned off when their wives suddenly stop wanting sex with them, and treat them like a servant, handing over endless honey-do-lists, demanding that he drops everything to do things for her on her own timeline, expecting constant attention, refusing that he may have a life of his own etc. In summary, too high maintenance, not worth it after a while.
My ex divorced me because she actually believed the stay at home dad neighbor would have been a better husband, provider, lover, etc. She stayed at home for years and never contributed financially to the home. Her approach was that I had to be painted as an abuser in the process. She had to learn the hard way this other guy lacked motivation to achieve anything of any value and lacked the emotional stamina to handle the baggage she brought to the table.
It's amazing - when they decide they want a divorce they have to justify theirs actions in part by creating the picture we were controlling, abusive uncaring sorry and on and on with negative adjectives. Anything hurtful that she thinks will land has been thrown at me. But even now, I feel shame and for what has happened. We become the one that ends up being abused and cannot find it in our heart to hate back. What makes it all worse? Finding out a man was involved who became her "soul mate". You feel run over by a truck.
Oh, my divorce was easy to understand. I got cancer and was expected to die. I went from being a very high earner to receiving a pension. My now ex wanted to cash out so hired a lawyer. She was pretty upset when she didn’t get it all, but at least it was her, not me. We got almost thirty five years together, and having been miraculously healed from cancer I was able to start again. She’s alone, I’m not.
Men, stop giving your resources, your energy, your time, and especially your heart to these women. I learned this 10 years ago the hard way. Many comments that I read from this video lead me to believe that you would gladly take these unfaithful, emotionally unstable women back tomorrow. Stop it!! Quit trying to understand because you can't. Move on with your life and NEVER go back, NEVER do it again.
I once attended a public lecture by famous neuroscientist Colin Blackmore. He said the most accurate indicator of whether a woman would divorce you was how happy she was when she met you.
Probably the same is true in reverse. I was happy when I met Tom. He was miserable but I was determined to show him kindness, compassion and love. He left me for a 22 year old after 15 years of marriage. I am beside myself. I never saw it coming. I thought we were happy.
@@TheKarlslok If a woman is a naturally cheerful woman then she is less likely to get divorced. If she is not naturally cheerful then she may conclude you are the reason. That is what I understood him to mean.
@@KevTheImpaler thank you. Then the only problem is to know if her cheerful behavior is genuine or an act...my experience tells me that most women are great actors.
Yes, Tyrone, Chad, or Javier! But what she does not know is that they are temporary distractions for her delusion! Tyrone, Chad, or Javier will not Marry her!
Wife started an affair with her co worker. At that point it was all down hill, she made up false charges of abuse against me, filed a PFA, put me in prison. I bailed out, and fought for custody, in court no finding of abuse, custody evaluator said same thing, no abuse. Because there NEVER WAS ANY ABUSE! I got shared custody and had to pay twice to raise my two children, when they were with her, and everything all over again when they were with me. She got my retirement fund in the divorce, and I got to keep MY house. Now I am 67 years old trying to live on 30,000 a year social security. I was a Sr Project Manager for 43 years making 6 figures. The pain and suffering this women caused me, our children, my family are truely unspeakable.
Yup, she is unhappy and doesn't know why so she convinces herself that it's your fault. When the truth is, she has to find her own happiness- no guy can provide that.
My wife divorced me because I played golf once a week with my friends. And she side I was too negative. I always cleaned the house for her. She never had to vacuum never had to mop a floor. I did all that for her,fixed things around the house paint the rooms went food shopping, helped raised my daughter, took her to soccer practice and soccer games etc. so I guess that means I suck as a husband.😢
Hi, I’m sorry you’re hurting and I’m not trying to make it worse, but I’m hearing you say you cleaned “for her“ you vacuumed “for her“ helped raise your daughter ??? Dude! Listen to that. It was Your house too, right? The kid was yours too, right? Why are you looking at those things as doing something ‘for her’? That implies you think she should feel obligated for these thing that you’re doing “for her“. Next time out, pay attention to that and I think things might be better.❤ when you do those things it’s because you’re part of the team and you’re doing them for the both of you, for the family unit, to help achieve the unified goal. Not something you’re doing that she now needs to pay back. that’s a form of keeping score. I sincerely wish you better luck in your future #Don’tKeepScore
@@CollinsCorp Yes but women keep score all the time and they chose not to remember all the sacrifices you made. They are ruled by their fickle emotions and once they check out at that level it is OVER.
It wasn't you sweetie.....it was her. Some people (both genders) have a big empty hole to fill and no one can ever succeed no matter how hard you try. You will live longer without someone like that.
she did because she lack honor to self reflect and it’s easier to blame me for breaking her. !!! she is doing the biggest favor in my life , i said to her YOU. quit without ever trying… THEY GET PAID TO LEAVE … you have to except the fact you have zero control of the other person, she’ll always be empty because someone else can’t fill her empty tank
Because her unhappiness is internal in HER, and there’s nothing ANYONE can do to make her happy, but by projecting the unhappiness onto the husband as the source makes HIM the bad guy and absolves her of any accountability. Her feeling “alone” is of her own manifestation. Good men don’t abandon good women. If a women brings peace and love, a good man will always lean into her and be present by nature.
“She’s only a woman to me.” Wake up gentlemen! Do your personal work. Improve your mind, body, & finances. You’ll never allow yourself to be lost in “love” again.
Once she consults a lawyer, and starts the paperwork, the divorce industrial machine is activated, and that machine is geared to maximize her return. And has no brakes. Guys think they are just dealing with their wife during a divorce.Nope, it's way bigger. Once she files, buckle up for the ride... The only countermeasure is to keep the state out of relationships. Which is harder every decade.
So it's because she feels "alone"? ... Uh ... OK. Anyway, this video just came up on my "recommended" and it's 2 years old. Now I'm seeing these new comments. Although the first part is very accurate, IMO they just have no further use for their husbands -- other than the cash and prizes in a divorce settlement. In any case, you don't leave someone you love. Nobody leaves someone they love.
She's was socially engineered to never be yours. And she never was. It was merely your turn on her amusement park ride. Both Bruce Springsteen's "Tunnel of Love" and the Tubes "Shes a Beauty" vintage videos show this dynamic all too well. In the videos Bruce escaped and got away and was waved to by the men who didnt still stuck on the merry go round. In the Tubes video he didnt escape and had to be wheeled away as a prematurly aged broken down old man. In the "My Cousin Vinny" movie Miss Vito said, "He has to disclose his files to us he's not allowed any surprises"...
Thank you so very much on your widom that you have i was married for 30 yrs and we had 6 children she was a stay home mom when she turned 51 i was 48 she filed for devorce no reason she said she wanted to start her life all over ☹️ i said to her i dont agree but i have to respect your decision and out of anger and hurt i said to her you was my first and only but you will not be my last now 8 yrs have past no communication from her or our grown kids srnce then i have moved own and have become an author , Minister , no stress and weight of caring a family load God is my source and stength to live on 😀🙏🏾
I'm worried about my son who was just served with papers for divorce. He is THE breadwinner (she always wanted to be a stay at home mom), but he also works from home and travels occasionally. He does most of the housework and cleaning, does most of the cooking, and is the disciplinarian. He's never cheated, but she cheated on him a few years ago. She brings home animals from the shelter and he gives in to what she wants because he loves her. She quit working when she was pregnant with their first child and 14 years and 5 children later tried working a couple of months ago and lasted only 1.5 weeks because she "didn't like people telling her what to do." She is supposed to be home schooling their children, but they are all behind and haven't been socialized. She claims fear for the children if they are sent to public school, but not enough to worry about their education levels. To me it seems all about her, and I think she's going to try and sit on her ass in the home, continuing to destroy/not maintain the home thereby destroying its value, and milk him for both child support and will probably try for alimoney. They're in Texas and has cut off my grandchildren and my son from us, and she doesn't speak with her parents either because they don't give in to her demands.
Have your son secretly put everything in your name! She will get nothing! Create new banks accounts in your name! Keep the old accounts so she will not notice! Do not pull the married kill switch until your attorney tells you to do it! Wait until the time is right! Be strategic! Go on offense but keep it quiet, conversly make her think he is going to give her everything she wants!
Your spouse is suppose to love and support you. Too many wives want to be served and not give anything back. Emasculation, gaslighting, lying, and betrayal is standard operating procedure for so many of these women. Wives divorce their husbands 80% of the time when it comes to who is filing. Cash and prizes await these ex-wives by a bias family court system.
You are not talking about the face that the majority of women who filed already has another man they are seeing. 70% divorces are filed by women, that number is higher with college educated women.
After my divorce I’m less trusting of women and tougher on future relationships and I’ll walk away first now no more BS ,I now have very clear borders and if crossed I’m gone and no looking back !
Good to know. She told everybody we knew that she had to divorce me because I was a heroin addict. That was forty-five years, a few million dollars, and a half dozen great grandkids ago. Live your best life while the ex-wife self distructs.
Happiest days of my life were when I was single chasing my dreams and dating just for fun. Marriage ruined me both financially and emotionally. Stay single and enjoy women but keep them a safe distance
The only thing the now ex-wife hated more than me was being alone. She lined up a boyfriend before she left us. Her leaving was the gift that keeps giving.
I am in my early 60s. My wife divorced me 3 years ago (it came out of the blue) and it was a pretty amicable divorce. I am single and happier now that I was at any point in the last decade of my marriage.
The courts incentivize this behavior. Turns out women are terrible people when they have leverage. If she aint feeling it anymore she can take half of everything you have earend up to that point. I truly believe my ex was waiting for the retirement account to be big enough....
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I appreciate your concern. I talk to my mother and my sister, and that has helped alot. I was commenting because I believe that change needs to happen in the family courts. Good men are being destroyed for a payday. Just sayin.
Ding-Ding-Ding!!!!!!! Women have ALL the leverage in a marriage. My friend’s drunken wife was beating the shit out of him, because he refused to fight back. He tried to leave and she followed him out of the house still wailing on him. He lives in a court and the neighbors came out, because of the commotion. He called the police while she was still drunkenly hitting him. Cops arrived and put my friend in handcuffs and drove him to jail! Cops said, “sorry, this is the way it works.” How many of you women would call off the marriage if at the morning of the ceremony, your husband to be asked you to sign a prenuptial agreement? Hell, even early on in the relationship!
Prenup is not worth the paper it is written on. What is now causing the lowest marriage rates and birth rates since the 1860s is the amount of women now being forced to pay alimony and lose large amounts. Look at the Adele settlement. The amount of men giving up all hope of any relationship with women is also contributing. It is now being estimated that 1/3 of young men reaching 30 have never been in a relationship. The me too, and the gym thirst traps have forced young men to wear hoodies, earphones, and stare at the ground. Young ladies on tick toc make videos about how no boy looks them in the eye or greets them. Movies and tv have become weaponized to perpetuate hate for men. Colleges are nothing but hate factories where 68% of graduates are women. Self deletion by men is five times that of women and incarceration is ten times the amount. Top dogs want population reduction from 8 Billion to 1/2 billion. You will be a serf, own nothing, and eat 🪳. “It’s a big party for top dogs and none of you are invited.”-George Carlin. Top dogs have the world population the same place they had us Oct 29, 1962. One of the men that wiggled us out of that situation was killed a year later in Dallas. Will the family unit make a comeback or will we go the way of the 🦖? Those who fail to study history are destined to repeat it.-George Santayana.
The same happened to me but ended differently. I was the one filing for difforce. My ex wife was unhappy, not friendly and I was the cause of the problem, according to her. I didn't want a bad relationship and I didn't want to be the cause. I started to change everything that she was complaining about, but while I was checking off the list the list got longer and longer. Another thing is she wanted things and didn't want them. For instance, she wanted to be hugged, but when I hugged her she pushed me away. Out of nowhere and for no reasons she could become agressive. My relation with my daughter got worse as well, because how I treated her mother. I did not tread her bad in any way. I realised my ex was the problem and told her to change her behaviour. She did not change and I filed for divorce. Our children stayed with me, because she couldn't take care of them. The way my daughter saw things changed. She realised her mother was the problem. Now 2 years later my ex calls me sometimes, cries and tells me she's sorry, because she loves me. I do not fully understand why she couldn't change.
Suggest a possible reconciliation. A vacation together to see if things can work out - perhaps Yemen or Somalia - return tickets for you, one way for her!
The now ex-wife was miserable. She wanted everyone around her, the kids and me to be miserable too. She thought her unhappiness was my fault. She had an affair and moved in with him. She tried coming back two months later. Reality was hitting her hard. There was no remorse or an apology from her. I said No. She had the Jezebel spirit, just hateful and vindictive. I got the divorce done quickly. She had a horrible business sense. I had to give her some cash but I did very well financially in the divorce and got custody of our kids. I went No Contact with her about 15 years ago. She will always hate me. I don’t care.
Modern women aren't equiped with the same values as our grandmothers. We are dealing with 60 years of culture conditioning where women believe that chasing their happiness will set them free. What ends up happening is they become enslaved to their desires. Lasting happiness can only come from the satfisfaction of knowing you fulfilled your purpose in life. In order to do that there must be responsibility, duty, obligation, basically all the buzz words the left doesn't like. Marriage is an institution that is not about your happiness, it's not even about you. It's about love-which is something we choose to give time and time again.
@@bernieeod57 sounds familiar… I just wanna be happy she said🙄…. Well she is now 53 years old and 1.2million in debt 👌… where as I pay my house of in Sept and then debt free and loving life
I’m very impressed with your channel Rachael really impressed, and that’s coming from a guy who has gone down the male red pill route, my ex wife tried to monkey branch to her friends husband our neighbours all the kids are friends, it failed of course he used her whilst begging to go back to his wife, she divorced him, my now ex wife will never admit why she asked for separation and for me to leave the family home, obviously when her fantasy failed and I used the pain to hit the gym and self improvement and other females wanted to take her place guess who spent a couple of years hinting and flirting to get loyal husband back! No thanks my self respect and worth Is worth more than that, so two broken homes for nothing because of Female emotions, I wish more woman would watch these videos as it would stop them making ridiculous life changing decisions and to understand their emotions, she is now a nearly 50 year old single mum and unfortunately has multiple sclerosis with no husband to support her, keep up the great work I’m going to get through plenty of your videos, al, the best from England 🏴
Hi Carl, thanks so much for watching, and thanks for sharing some of your story here. I'm really sorry that you went through all of that, and I can see that there are still a lot of painful pieces there for you as well. I hope the videos help you figure out what it is that you might still be holding on to or need to work through at this stage in order to achieve your goals for yourself. I appreciate your kind words and I'm really glad the videos have been helpful.
Everyone has issues, it doesn't give her the right to divorce. Why does she get to be nasty just because she has underlying "issues?" It's not about her. She needs to be accountable.
This is why she lost respect. You “asked” for a divorce. You should have just done it. And now you’ve wasted 10yrs & she resents you even more for not manning up & following through. Not trying to be mean but dude you gotta snap out of it & move on with your life without her in it
But, compounding the fact that she is willing to destroy you financially adds to the bitterness and sour taste in having any other trustworthy fulfilling relationship. How can someone reopen those door once again, when it’s hard to give that trust? When you hear similar things from most women? When they have the same list of demands? When you start hearing the same mirrored speech patterns as if they had the same schooling on how to gaslight the man into this person whom they can be take advantage of? I immediately start putting my walls up with a determination to have nothing to do with any woman beyond the point of a simple conversation. Because, I am not looking nor willing to be put in a box, where I can be treated like this ever again by a person who was only there to use me as a provider, with my energy, time and resources? It’s hard to see a person being genuinely real and truthful these days. It seems that it’s all about what you can do for them right off the back with the person even knowing anything about you personally. The demands generally come first in the initial contact. The intent in asking for so much is usually a fairytale for the common woman. Thinks that they usually never required from their previous mates. But no shocker there right. But men are pulling back from the dating scene because this what they here. This is our experiences in this new era of the modern day woman who are not it for the long haul of the relationship. Who are not loyal and have bo problem bouncing around or monkey branching onto the next guy. It’s too much to ask for if you ask me. Men have to sacrifice so much for very little in return and that is the dilemma isn’t it?
Young lady it was nice for you to do this but the reality is that when a woman leaves a man she has granted the greater gift and I eventually got custody of my sons the judicial system has the laziest human beings ever seen no more marriage for me
Its a tricky thing introducing the idea that anyone's former spouse was hurting and feeling alone and is human and not some crazy sadistic creature from hell. Are you right? Of course you are. Dead on, 100% every word. But having recently been married for 28 years myself, that thinking triggers my instinct to feel sorry for her, to protect her, to forgive her for her accountability. I did the 'how could she do this' thing for a year or more until i realized that the person i thought she was couldn't do those things, but the person she actually IS, well who knows. It gave me some closure at least and i accept i will never have the answers for so many things, but maybe thats for the better.
It is a tricky thing! It's a lot easier to be bitter or angry... and often people need those feelings to get out of despair and move forward with their lives. But she's human. So are you. The even harder truth might be that it isn't your job to protect her or feel sorry for her. She is responsible for herself, as you are responsible for you. The hardest part of all of this may be shaking free from the roles you were taught you were supposed to fill, so that in your next relationship you have the opportunity to experience real partnership. It sounds like you are finding your way forward, and through accepting the things that are hard to accept. Thank you for watching and for sharing some of your thoughts.
Until someone stops the free reign of Family Court, good men will avoid marriage and women in general. Nowadays, only 6.5 men in a thousand get married due to the following scenario: (1) man gets married, (2) wife refuses to have sex, (3) wife racks up huge credit card debt, (4) wife stops contributing financially, (5) wife stops cooking & cleaning, (6) wife cheats on husband, (7) wife files for divorce and takes the house, cars, savings, and kids, (8) wife falsely accuses husband of abuse and he no longer can see his kids, (9) wife poisons kids against the father. What man in his right mind will sign up for this?
a duck is a duck , if it walks like duck it’s a duck … she is a bitch , when she did what she did and quits…. yes everything you said is true .. after 32 years marriage , i’m better for it .. hurt yes , recovering yes
the best advice for a divorced man, just move on , let her go and focus on your self, your job and your health and with the passage of time your emotions will be stabilized. I gnore her and use no contact rules and looking for other wife that you deserve.
@neihomai8 "but what if you have children whom you cannot see because of her??" Sometimes you have to just let go and be prepared to not see them until they’re old enough to leave. Your kids are smarter than adults give them credit for, so with time they will figure out who was the problem. If they're in school, visit them there a couple of days a week if you can. The goal is to take her out of the equation so you can see your kids on your terms. Stay connected with them via text, email, or social media depending on their ages. The most effective way to deal with your wife/ex wife is to use the law of Non Resistance.
@@reginaldsmith6949 thanks, but they are only one year old now, and they will not not have any memory of me or have any memory to miss me.... i am in so much pain.... i don't know what i can do...
75% of divorces are filed by women. more than half of marriages fail.. what is the point of marriage that only lasts 7 years or less on average... Women dont need to be married. Job and pay equality is the best it's ever been. problem is, people are not seemingly any happier either. It's probably best to avoid marriage in modern times. It's not what it used to be. There isnt a benefit.
If anything I think people are generally feeling more stressed, more isloated and more disconnected, men and women both. There is a lot in our cultural narrative that could stand a serious update. I'm personally on the fence about marriage. It works for me, yet I see so many people suffer the consequences of divorce in my line of work and it can be devastating, financially as well as emotionally. What I do know to be true though is that people need connection. Our nervous systems are hardwired for it. We feel safer, stronger, happier, healthier and more resilient when we feel connected to other people. That's where I hope to start to shift the narrative - away from debates about whether or not to get married or divorced and towards finding better, more genuine ways to connect with one another. I think that's a lot of what we've lost, and perhaps what could bring us back to a happier way of living. Thank you so much for watching and taking the time to share your thoughts.
Men have to stop treating relationships like computers or cars with a broken part that can simply be fixed. This linear way of thinking, while good for many things in society, is NOT the correct prism with which to views relationships and women. If a woman says she's done. You can offer once to fix something. You CAN'T PUSH THE ISSUE. This is just another way of invalidating or ignoring her desires and feelings and telling her she's wrong. How does doing that make her want to stay with you? Guys, you have to learn to just give up and let go. Let her go. Find someone else. A man who is able to build a relationship and maintain it for years, sometimes longer than others, needs to not be so down on himself. She could have just stopped loving you for whatever reason. And that could be another man. And if another man has her heart, IT'S OVER! You CAN'T NEGOTIATE GENUINE ATTRACTION! "If I just do X,Y and Z, she'll get moist for me again." Nope. It's over. Be a man. Stand strong and move on.
My wife was diagnosed at 38 with stage 3 triple negative breast cancer. She went through chemo, radiation, and double mastectomy. I was with her through all of it. Her personality changed after treatment ended. She became colder to me. Intimacy was gone. We were just living in auto pilot. Now she wants to divorce. She says it was years of resentment. Won’t give specifics and won’t try to work on our marriage. She’s become very mean toward me. She’s a completely different person. Our marriage wasn’t perfect but it was a good marriage. Could all of this be from cancer? The fear of it coming back and feeling all alone?
Hi, I'm sorry to be so slow in my reply here. How are you doing now? What your wife went through was likely quite traumatic (I say likely because trauma is not a set thing for everyone, we all experience different degrees of traumatic reaction to the same set of events). The nature of trauma is that it impacts our ability to relate and connect. This video describes what happens to someone's nervous system in response to trauma really well, and it might help you right now: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-br8-qebjIgs.html If you haven't already, I would strongly recommend seeking some support yourself as you navigate this. I host a private community for men going through separation and divorce, and it is a great place to share what is happening, get support and access effective tools and resources for managing your own mental and emotional health. Plus you can reach me directly there, and often I can offer feedback or coaching that can help when things get tricky. You can find details here: www.rachaelsloancoaching.com/better-beyond-divorce
What a bunch of BS! Never negotiate with Terrorists! There is no self doubt or depression if you realize from the beginning that not all women are Angelic Disney characters! Go on offense immediately the moment she utters the word "Divorce". You will be fine if you realize the deal was stacked from the beginning! Take the Red Pill, there is no going back!
Women who are so immature and lacking in self-awareness as to behave the way described above have little hope of growth or change. They should be divorced ASAP. However costly it might be, she is doing you a favor. Peace of mind alone is better than an unhappy marriage. She should also be held accountable for her behavior to whatever extent the dynamics or the law allows for.
Do you have some support in your life right now? It sounds like you may be feeling depressed... if you are would you please take a few minutes to check out this video? I think it might help: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-BdFTcmN_AUw.html
My now ex wife just one day up and kicked me out of our home no reason giving then when I told her I didn't want a divorce she asked for one, I tried to work things out but she told me she didn't love me anymore that right there was the stake through my heart. I know I made mistakes in our marriage this was my 1st marriage I learned as I was going through it, she wasn't the same person I married at the beginning, its sad even after everything we have been through I still feel love for her, even after she broke my heart into pieces, but I've moved on since then just trying to pick up the pieces and try to figure out what happened, I really didn't see it coming. And now almost 1yr after being divorced she still has people watching everything I do and reports back to her even though we don't have no contact with each other
If a women is madly in love with you she’ll be stuck to like a sucker fish. You could beat her up & she’ll tell her family her face ran into your fist. (Obviously you don’t do this but it’s just an example). My overall point is they never just leave you for no reason. There were signs but you didn’t pick up on them or ignored them. Women always want to feel like they’re heard & understood by their man
1. If she leaves and you are angry but understand it is for the best you’re going to be ok. 2. If she leaves and you are surprised and upset with the decision, you are too dumb to deal with women.
I'm calling bs on all that...a woman doesn't one day decide she's had enough and says she is out.. it's been turning in her brain for months even years. Especially if she has a "good husband"...you can bet at some point there is another man involved...i know many men who were ambushed by women like that and 99% of those women had another man on the side...when a woman starts not showing affection, or intimacy or just gets mean and distant chances are there is someone else..
Women will meet you at the finish line to pick the winners and losers. They don’t care about a man struggles. Also, when women hit 40 they get bored and think they can do better but it’s really not the case.
This is total nonsense. The irony of a woman trying to explain to a man who is a survivor of divorce, and justify the ex-wife's motivations turning it around so that somehow she's the VICTIM? I get it, holding on to anger and negative emotions is very harmful and self destructive, but honestly sweetie it's a little much for you to explain things away so flippantly is outrageous. You might be aware of the damage done to men in a "No Fault" divorce, but please spare me. You literally know nothing about the emotional suffering a man goes through, and the sacrifices most men endure throughout the marriage only to be cast aside because a woman doesn't know how to deal with her own emotions.
After mine left be destitute and homeless I swore that I would never let a woman do that to me again. 15 years later I'm single have money in the bank and I'm no longer homeless. I'm happier now than I was when I was married.
Hi @davidhunt313, thanks for watching and commenting. I think that's how many men feel - like they're supposed to read her mind and are punished because they can't. The pattern I often see in the divorces of many men I talk to and work with is that their wives didn't clearly communicate what they wanted or needed, and that the husband often didn't notice the signs that she was unhappy. That doesn't make him a bad husband or her a bad wife. It just makes them two people who didn't know how to communicate or work together as a team in their marriage. Unfortunately those kinds of relationship and communication skills aren't something we're taught, and instead we tend to be exposed to a whole world full of bad role models that perpetuate the stereotypes and lead to ongoing misunderstandings.
@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach ... maybe you need to know I'm autistic,.. and presently, I consider myself fortunate that I avoided divorce because no hypergamous neurotypical woman ever wanted me. I only found out about my autism at the age of 57,... which *REALLY* colors my present perspective upon my own life. What do you think of the idea that some young men need to understand from a young age that through no fault of their own,.. they will never be in loving and affectionate relations. I had thought I was a human being. Turned out that all others ever saw was a white nigga' *_ELEPHANT MAN_* and they were not wrong for doing so!? Hope made my life more painful than it otherwise had to be.
Take my advice as a man, dont put too much stock in what people say, Pay attention to their actions. Learn to understan your inner circle , and don't allow scetchy personalities into it.
the reason why women or men in most cases get divorced with the rare exceptions of course.its because when the relationship started having real responsibilities they take there ball and go home.stop with the excuses and just be honest.
So this problem has no solution? Guys can get married and she wants a divorce for no good reason? Great to know it. But how do you prevent the emotional disconnect from happening? Are we even equipped for that?
Awesome question - YES. If you are a human being you have the capacity for two things: 1. Enjoying deep, genuine emotional connection 2. Repairing emotional rifts in relationships The knowledge for this is embedded in our nervous systems, which evolved to coregulate. Have you watched Dr. Christian Conte? He has some great content on this - www.youtube.com/@DrChristianConte The problem is that as a society we've prioritized the logical mind over the emotional brain, ignoring the fact that the logical brain has no neural connections to the limbic system and is thus completely unable to regulate powerful emotions like anxiety and anger. Because of this, when we feel anxiety or anger the brain races along with it, telling us all kinds of stories about why we're upset. We think we're being logical, but really our nervous system is controlling our thoughts, which often leads to blame, fear and arguments in our closest relationships.... all because we don't have any skills for regulating the nervous system. To avoid emotional disconnect or repair an emotional rift with another person requires us to first become conscious of our own emotional landscape. Once you fully understand the interplay between your thoughts, emotions and nervous states (fight/flight/freeze, aka anxiety/anger/depression) you will understand your partner in a new way.
Im not going to try and sell you something so I'll just say that there is a way back to you re claiming your life. First and biggest problem is your lack of sleep, that will destroy everything else in your life and I faced the same issues of an ex turning the kids against me as well, many of us reading this have been there. First, look into CBD products, the gummies and drops they sell have some THC in them and were very helpful in getting to sleep despite what I was experiencing. I also threw in melatonin, but I imagine you might have already tried melatonin so just ry some CBD products. If you are a coffee drinker, stay away from that, too much caffeine will fuck with your sleep patterns, go with green tea instead, much better for you! The best way to attack depression is through exercise, forget about therapy, exercise beats it and all you really need do is begin to just fucking walk! Walking is free, and getting outside will clear the air in your head as well. Action, not talking is key. Look into some form of resistance training, its also very good for you and will begin to rebuild your frame, you need to begin to celebrate your life again, give yourself something to look forward to daily, but reserve it as a reward AFTER you've got some goal done. Now for the most important part, and this is crucial: go back in time, to the place you were in your life right before you met your ex, look at that guy, your former unmarried self: who was he? what did he like to do? where did he want to go, associate with, accomplish? Bring him back from your memories into your present day life, ask your 20 yr younger self the big questions and seek the truth about yourself form him! What did he like to do in his spare time? Do that! Once you've re discovered the best parts of your past, and re generate them, now you can go into the future, find new things to do, new people to associate with but only when you remember who you were will you know what you are today. So re establish sleep, get out and walk, lift weights, remember who you were so you can become what you want once you align your past with your future and work forward into liking who you were before so you can love who you are afterward....... Oh, one other thing: Ask Jesus into your heart and release all the anxiety to him, thats the best therapy out there, Love God and so become a loving man again. Once you instill all these changes, and they are not that tough to do, be consistent, everyday with the exercise and better nutrition and sleep habits. Hopefully this will help you as you bring your old self back from your past, its no mystery when you love your history and that great guy you see in the mirror!
I got up to get some things from the kitchen and couldn't hear her words, just the tone of this therapist's voice. That was enough to tell me that she is blaming the man and telling men that because they can't read their wife's mind that the problem is with the clueless husband, not the negative emotional state of the wife. So glad I never got married and didn't have to go through this. I have plenty of friends in loveless marriages and/or divorced. Most started out blissful and happy only to degrade into nagging and hostile silence. A few got lucky and got a kind, thoughtful wife. It's very rare.
My therapist told me one reason my wife wouldn't go to counseling is that some people "are afraid that their mind might get changed". She's made her decision and doesn't want anything to possibly change it. Wow. I also asked why is she such a bit*h and how in the world can i be the problem for everything ? I was told that it's one way to keep her fire going... if she let's down her guard and admits you aren't the only reason for the complete breakdown she will lose steam and it will be mentally harder for her to press on. So I guess they need to stay mad which isn't that difficult lol. I always loved that movie "War of the Roses" but never thought i'd live it one day. It's so true when Danny DeVito says "There's no winning in divorce, only degrees of losing" She had a malignant obsession with our daughter and I used that against her to retrieve a lot of my inheritance that had touched a mutual account (commingling) from my biological father and grandmother who had passed away. I didn't fight custody and she was still a bit*ch. We settled 2 days before court as GA is not a 50/50 state but an equitable distribution state and I believe her attorney was a little nervous going before a judge. I kept my 401k, the boat, no alimony from me, we sold the house and split proceeds 50/50, and by court order I went into her IRA and pulled out a chunk of change and put it in my IRA and she was responsible for ALL her legal bills. Walking away from that I felt like I had "won". Then I remembered "war of the roses". It's been a little over 2 years and I get depressed. find myself laying on the sofa all day when i'm not working. even have a nice new home but I have so much anger for her blowing up the family. I get so sad only seeing my daughter 2 nights every 2 weeks. On the outside looking in it looked great. 2 years later I realize I didn't win a damn thing. Even have a beautiful woman who is too good to me but emotionally it's not there (i'm not remarried). don't know if i'm capable of loving another woman anymore.
I was married for 10 years. I got no affection or support from the wife. She refused to help me with our kids and chores. She dumped every responsibility on me. I worked a double shift one day a week. I asked her for some help with our kids that one day. She blew up on me and said "Deal With It." After she pick-up a boyfriend, she left us. I was angry at the beginning, but I had my awakening about two weeks later. She was an anchor around my neck. I filed for divorce and got it done quickly. Her leaving was the best possible gift she could have ever given me.
I went through a lot of financial crisis after my divorce, I had to raise my two kids alone, Currently I'm living smart and frugal with my money,bought my third house already. Saving and investing lifestyle made it possible for me; even till now I earn monthly through passive income. I'm planning on retiring when my kids finish college,just hope it encourages someone that it doesn’t matter if you don’t have any of them right now, you can start TODAY regardless your age INVEST and change your future! Investing is a grand choice I made. Great video! Thanks for sharing
Glad I came across this comment section. I was struggling to decide what to do with a good amount of money in the bank doing nothing. I would be happy if you could advise me, as I am ready to go the passive income path.
Alright so generally, investing requires higher knowledge. For this reason, It's important to have a solid support structure (financial consultant) to guide you through especially in asset picking. I operate with (REGINA LOUISE COLLARO) an investment advisor who partners with a licensed wealth management firm. For the record, the experience has been the best for my finance. She is quite popular for her services so you might have heard of her. She made me financially stable investing through her help, now I earn on a monthly basis through her passive income strategy. So I’ll advise you do get a good Investment advisor for yourself.
Thank you for your advice. It's challenging to find a reliable investment advisor, and I appreciate your input. Seeing the successes you've achieved through investing, I would love to have access to your investment advisor's information if you wouldn't mind sharing it.
look her up on the internet and leave her a message she's quite popular for her services as she was recently featured on cnn. She can work with anyone irrespective of where their located
Personally, I'm blessed and realizing I'm not the only one working with Regina Louise Collaro. I will consider myself lucky. I've been able to feed and make a living through her advice and great work. For such a person as Regina, I owe her gratitude, support and endless prayers as it is not easy to gain access to such a competent and reliable adviser. Who isn't just wise but has all it takes to handle an investment and is good at what she does.
Ma'am you are gold. I'm largely out the other end of my ended relationship. Used a few books, online content, and time to get there, but gosh, you're spot on. A lot of fellas are bound to transition to a better place from your pieces. Thank you for it.
To be the devil's advocate... I don't think staying together for the kids is necessarily a good thing for the kids. The research shows us that kids need at least one adult in their lives who is emotionally available, attuned and responsive in order to grow up and form healthy relationships as an adult. If two people who are not happy together are trying to fake it and share a life for their kids, they are both going to be dealing with strong emotions - resentment, frustration, resignation, sadness, dissatisfaction... a whole bunch of colors of unhappiness. All of that makes it hard to be fully emotionally present and attuned to your children. If a couple can separate or divorce and one or both parents can finally take care of themselves emotionally they'll be able to be that support system their kids need to grow into securely attached adults. For some couples, that option probably makes the most sense.
Should divorce me because she cheated on me and says she don't deserve me anymore and that I deserve better and she feels guilty That she hurt me. I call bullshit
I find in these situations shes wanting the divorce to make things easier for her cause shes already moved on to that guy and she will keep it from u so u wont give her any trouble ,contest or drag it out and watch her change the way she cares about you,i agree its allways some angle with women
Very good video. It is hard to hear it, and it is harder still to accept it. I do not doubt any of it. It is truth in the real sense. The sad part is that "you've lost that loving feeling" is all it means, and there is little chance of getting it back. Rachael, how many times have you witnessed this exchange: Her "I want him to do X, Y , and Z." A couple weeks later they come back, and he did X, Y, and Z. He actually modified his behavior. At the next session she says "It was like he was checking things off a list." Mine went one step further...she refused to even say what X, Y, and Z were, because she knew that I had it in my power to do whatever it was. Your training teaches you to tell a man that the heinous things that a divorcing woman does to a man do not compromise her humanity. Likewise, does society tell a woman that no matter what he does or did, he's still a human deserving of compassion? Like millions of men across America, I was served with a petition for divorce full of demonstrably false accusations. Her lawyer took those statements, and defamed my character in public with false and misleading accusations, that now could be fodder for a court to use against me. And you think this kind of lying does not diminish her humanity, while she is diminishing mine?
Hi M W, thank you for being here and sharing your story. I'm glad this video was one that you enjoyed, and I cannot tell you how sad it makes me to know the way you've been treated in the courts, by your ex wife and all the professionals involved in your case. It's not right. It's not fair. And yes, I would argue that it "should" be different. Yet if I honestly answer your question, does this kind of lying diminish her humanity, does her diminishing yours not diminish hers... I have to answer no. You are human. And so is she. The one thing I know for certain is that evil does not exist. Which means that even the most heinous, reprehensible actions must make sense. They must make sense within the context of the human brain that chose (consciously or not) to take that action. I've worked with clients who were physically abusive. Their actions? Horrific. Awful. Undeniably WRONG. And yet... when I sit with them, when I am curious, and seek, without judging, to understand what their internal experience was in the moment that they committed that action, I find, without fail, that it makes sense. Horrible acts are horrible. Yet they are not acts of evil. They are desperate, often unnecessary and incredibly ineffective, attempts at seeking safety or love. I have yet to see a case where that is not true. The action may be absolutely wrong and bad. Yet the person doesn't go away. The human is still there. The flip side is that she cannot diminish your humanity. It isn't something that can be reduced. It simply exists. You are human. You are you. She cannot take that away from you. She, and the courts, might take your money, they might take your children, but they cannot diminish your humanity.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Grab your backpack, we have some ground to cover. I'm not sure what your definition of evil is. You acknowledge an act can be horrible, meaning good or bad. But in a world where good and bad exist, evil does not. I take this to mean you draw a line between humanity and the divine? That humans, not being divine, are incapable of evil because that is the realm of the divine? I don't mean to ask if you believe in a divine being or divinity or spiritualism, but that seems to be the point where "evil" is for you. Slavery was, and is to this day, the diminishment of the humanity of the slaves. Humans can and do perpetrate acts that, for our time on earth, deny them their humanity. Women who are sex trafficked are no less human in nature, but they are being denied their humanity by the acts of their captors, who are also humans. A man who is victimized by a vindictive spouse who accuses him of the kind of things I stand accused of cannot be sure his right to be treated as a "full human" will ever be restored, once the accusation has been made. Later retractions and apologies mean nothing to someone who will never see trust in his child's eyes again.
@@mw1606 You raise so many great questions! Let's see... Good vs. Bad Yes, I use this language to describe actions as good or bad. However when I apply these labels they are simply my thoughts. My opinions. They are optional labels. Good and bad are constructs, concepts created by the human brain. I don't believe that they actually exist outside the human mind. Certainly the natural world doesn't bother itself over the illusion of good or bad. The Divine I don't believe in Good or Evil on a divine scale either. Theology and personal belief may be a topic for another conversation. For now I'll simply say these are illusions created by humans. Diminishing Humanity When I speak of humanity I am referring to the power we each have to be intentional about what we think and where we place our focus. I am not talking about human rights. Frankly, those are also a construct of the human mind. Human rights do not exist outside the established norms and expectations of a human culture. And the "rights" of many people around the world are violated repeatedly, every day. The humanity I refer to that is your ability to own what happens within your own mind. How you think of yourself, how you feel about yourself, that belongs to you.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Well, let me apply what you said. I think, therefore I am human. And good and bad are what my Ex decides are good and bad. She says her infidelity is good, so it's good. I say it's bad, so it's bad. But we are both operating under illusions, so we are both wrong and both right at the same time, but good and bad is a mere thought, so we are actually both wrong, because mere thoughts are just chemical reactions, they have no intrinsic meaning. Then marriage is a shared delusion. And when the delusion is over, too bad for you both, it was all just a delusion. You invested your flesh in it, your blood, sweat, tears, the only life you have to give, but hey, it was all just a temporary figment of your mutual imaginations. It's over now, just let it go, it was a waking dream, you might have been better off dreaming you were the King of England, at least the pay would have been better. But unfortunately for me, and all the other men in America, the American Legal System does not deal in delusions. While marriage may have been a temporary insanity on the part of me, my ex spouse, and all the people who had the delusion we were married including the children we supposedly had, the government is now allowed to rob me of my money and children based on a delusion, a mere thought. If I just had never imagined I was married, I would never have lost everything I wanted and worked for in my life. I could tell the government "marriage is just a made up thing, I am keeping my money. And my kids." They'll put me in jail, but jail, like all marriages, is a delusion. In my mind, I'm free. and at this point, I can't even be sure I have lived, because I may not be alive, I may just be an unfortunate character in someone else's dream, a mere fleeting thought by some other being across the cosmos.
I think you make mini valid points in many valid observations however, I still have one major problem, which is yes she’s not this controlling manipulative person that hasn’t set you up for your whole life, but what if she was what if she was that particular manipulative monster, then how is a man supposed to react?
Im not going to try and sell you something so I'll just say that there is a way back to you re claiming your life. First and biggest problem is your lack of sleep, that will destroy everything else in your life and I faced the same issues of an ex turning the kids against me as well, many of us reading this have been there. First, look into CBD products, the gummies and drops they sell have some THC in them and were very helpful in getting to sleep despite what I was experiencing. I also threw in melatonin, but I imagine you might have already tried melatonin so just ry some CBD products. If you are a coffee drinker, stay away from that, too much caffeine will fuck with your sleep patterns, go with green tea instead, much better for you! The best way to attack depression is through exercise, forget about therapy, exercise beats it and all you really need do is begin to just fucking walk! Walking is free, and getting outside will clear the air in your head as well. Action, not talking is key. Look into some form of resistance training, its also very good for you and will begin to rebuild your frame, you need to begin to celebrate your life again, give yourself something to look forward to daily, but reserve it as a reward AFTER you've got some goal done. Now for the most important part, and this is crucial: go back in time, to the place you were in your life right before you met your ex, look at that guy, your former unmarried self: who was he? what did he like to do? where did he want to go, associate with, accomplish? Bring him back from your memories into your present day life, ask your 20 yr younger self the big questions and seek the truth about yourself form him! What did he like to do in his spare time? Do that! Once you've re discovered the best parts of your past, and re generate them, now you can go into the future, find new things to do, new people to associate with but only when you remember who you were will you know what you are today. So re establish sleep, get out and walk, lift weights, remember who you were so you can become what you want once you align your past with your future and work forward into liking who you were before so you can love who you are afterward....... Oh, one other thing: Ask Jesus into your heart and release all the anxiety to him, thats the best therapy out there, Love God and so become a loving man again. Once you instill all these changes, and they are not that tough to do, be consistent, everyday with the exercise and better nutrition and sleep habits. Hopefully this will help you as you bring your old self back from your past, its no mystery when you love your history and that great guy you see in the mirror!
