This. Working in customer service just reinforced the idea that I am only acceptable when I perform. I was great with customers and had a lot of confidence in being able to perform social interactions by the end of my time working retail but had zero self-esteem when it came to genuine interpersonal relationships. Now my S.A.D takes the form of making me feel exhausted every time I have to interact because my default is to now perform and I can't switch it off. I don't know to be genuine and even interacting with friends for a short time leaves me tired out.
And we're so acutely aware that we are performing our minds can start shutting down. I'm in group therapy for substance abuse (I became an addict after a car accident and the misfortune of going to a doctor running a pill mill), and I can hardly talk in those sessions. Strangely, I have had a harder time speaking over Zoom meetings. I don't really hear anyone anyway because I'm so focused on my heart palpitations and using up all my energy trying to keep a panic attack at bay.
My social anxiety stems from childhood. I was bullied and ignored when I tried to talk in a group setting. Now when I talk in a group, I turn red and my voice shakes for fear of being judged and ignored. I will definitely try this method!
I always thought I was just “shy” but going on 35 and no improvement. Realized it’s always been anxiety that got worse due to very toxic parents. It’s very crippling and ppl just think I’m standoffish or rude when I’m just trying to protect myself.
I totally understand. People think I’m rude as well. It’s frustrating but I tell myself that it could be worse. I’m alive and not self medicating with any substances so that’s a plus.
Same. I’ve been labeled “rude” for as long as I can remember. I hate greeting people. Ever since I was a kid, I’d say “hi” or “good morning” at what I thought was the top of my voice and people would say “you walked in here and didn’t say hi!” So now I avoid greeting people. It takes too much energy for me to work up the courage to say hi when I’m not going to be heard anyway. 🤦🏻♀️
My social anxiety isn’t always about feeling like I’ll make a fool of myself. Just as often, it’s that I fear I will be inconveniencing people or be a nuisance. I avoid speaking up because I don’t want to make others around me feel uncomfortable. I avoid people because I don’t want to get in their way.
Same. For me I'm pretty sure I became this way cause my family was very critical of small mistakes a lot and were judgemental so I felt it was better to avoid trying than to waste "their" time and get in the way (or be seen performing basically). I couldn't get the negative thoughts out of my head. If you have family, friends, etc who are like that, I really recommend trying to get some space from them to help you realise they really amplify the low self confidence and try talking to someone you trust about it. Also if you're really suffering and it really impacts your life, I really recommend for you and anyone able to go see a psychiatrist/therapist, etc as soon as possible. Don't let it take more time and opportunities from your life than it already has. Hope this helps if you're in the same boat 😊
I don't get the whole nuisance thing to people because there are wayyy more annoying people in the world. But I just never feel like I have anything to say mostly.
COVID has been an introvert's godsend. A whole year at home - no social games, politics and BS at work. Now working permanently remotely. Amen. Hallelujah.
It was actually horrible for my social anxiety. I became almost deathly afraid of going to the grocery store. It took a long time to force myself to go again.
@Isabel Goss I absolutely relate. I still panic and physically can't go into stores 9 times out of 10, even with my mom around (who deals with severe anxiety the same as me and typically helps me feel more at ease in those situations). I was relaxed and less anxious at home during quarantine, but man. My anxiety definitely got much worse when things opened up more and going to stores was common again. I'm still working on getting out into social situations and I hope I'll be better at it soon. (Which reminds me, I did go into a grocery store yesterday though! Even if I was on the verge of a full breakdown the entire time, I was proud of myself. Lmao) Anyway, I'm super happy you've been able to go into grocery stores again! Even though I'm sure it's still not easy, I'm proud of you! \ (•◡•) / From one anxious soul to another! ♡
Are you sure that's what you want, Kelly? I always try and push myself a little.The things I want to do in life I can't find stuck at home. Like a partner.. or going on vacation. All of which requires talking to strangers.
@@hgzmatt I'm 50 and know exactly what I want. I've tried everything and can tell you, you can't change people and there's actually very little you can change about yourself
@@boledle Guess you might be right.. but.. if I accept that as reality.. I feel like my life is over. No point to get out of bed anymore. And I do feel that I have changed in the last few years.
It's been 3h I'm stucked at home, ready to go, because I'm afraid of bumping into my neighbors, yet I have to take out my trash. This video comes just right on time! 😊
How I overcame this was to remember how quickly I'd forget when someone else would do something odd in a social situation. There's a split second thought of "That was a bit odd" and then you completely forget about it and go on with the conversation. People are too wrapped up in their own lives to give much thought to an odd comment or movement during a conversation. The simple truth is nobody cares enough to notice. lol
It helps with some people. But for a person like me, I grew up with parents and friends who talked about everyone behind their back. It could be about someone we know or a random person at the store. So yeah, while I'd love to not care what people think, unfortunately it will always be at the back of my mind because if my own parents could talk about someone so easily, other people could too. Its the complete opposite of what you're saying lol
@@REChronic54 My personal trick is that I try to let go of what I can't control. Like the actions, or words of another person is completely out of our control. But we have complete control of our own thoughts, or actions.
@@REChronic54 omg same for me!!! My family would tear you apart behind your back and to your face! They would deconstruct your body, appearance, and personality while you just sat there taking it. So now I always feel I’m being judged and deconstructed.
I have acute social anxiety disorder to the point that I avoid any social interaction as much as possible. When I realize I need to go somewhere, the anxiety I experience causes panic attacks. I retired from my job earlier than I wanted to because of this affliction. Since my retirement, the panic attacks have ceased, and my life has been somewhat normalized. I still get anxious when I have to leave my home, but I realize it will pass once I accomplish the action, and can return to my sanctuary. I sympathize with others who suffer from this. It is not an easy path to walk.
The real reason why people have social anxiety disorder is the disconnections caused by deviating away from the natural balance. Watch this CRUCIAL short documentary on youtube that applies to EVERYTHING you care about: The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 💖
I use to have social anxiety because I grew up in a family of bullies. I use to want those people to love me. Now I see them for what they really are: insecure, hateful, envious, monsters. They deal with their social anxiety by knocking other people down so they can feel less inferior. Instead of improving themselves they try to drag others down to their level. I don't focus on them anymore. I only want to be around positive, encouraging people. If you have social anxiety, please take a good look at who you are around constantly.
BROO OMFG THIS IS EXACTLY MY SITUATION RN. to break eveything down My mother was a rlly loving person and unfortunately she passed away when i was 9 yrs old, leaving me to live with my eldest sibling.. my brother. At first while i was young he was somewhat kind because he knew i was young. but now that i am 16 he has two kids w his girlfriend and i tend to argue with him every single day. He is a fucking bully pretty much, everytime i defend myself on a situation where he is wrong i get told im in the wrong 100% never fails to make me always feel bad. I really try to also come to him for support. Like I told him I think i have social anxiety and he seemed like he cared, but then later used it against me in an argument and viewed me as a weirdo because i care about things that dont matter.. CHILE so much be going on and im trying to get help. i just try to stay to myself at home but it doesnt help,
@@ok-bm1iy I wish I could go back in time and tell 16 year old me to just finish school, find a good job, get in a church and find a good Christian man and follow the rules even if they are unreasonable. I messed up. I ran off with an evil man to get out of the house. Try not to fight with your brother. You know you can't win and he has the upper hand because you live with him. Just do the work to be able to get out on your own. I have horrible social anxiety too, now I have to go back to work and fight for my freedom or spend the rest of my life in an abusive marriage.
Focus on your future and your education (doesn't have to be college - just keep building your skills). Get involved with your community. People who are contributing to something are usually positive and more reliable. My family was not supportive and I'm glad I still invested in myself. I did, however, spend too much time in relationships that weren't the right fit because of lack of confidence and not feeling I had family support. I wish I had spent less energy on that and had instead focused on figuring out what I cared about and how to speak from my heart rather than seeking approval from others.
I hate attending staff meetings due to social anxiety and fear of being called on and having to speak out loud. I’m intimidated by coworkers that are smart, assertive, and not afraid to speak up. I constantly fear being judged. My voice starts trembling and I sound dumb. I wish I could find a remote job and work from home for the rest of my life. Social anxiety sucks 😔😞😢
Maybe try looking around you when in public--not one of those other people are perfect, either. We're all very much like the other 7.9 billion people in the world, we're all imperfect, all have problems/issues, all are just human.
At this point, the DSM-V is just my memoir. Thanks for the insights! Silence is my lifelong safety behavior to a point of childhood and then adult selective mutism. My voice carries, so living in apartments or normal house neighborhoods is basically being in public for me. I’m also autistic with huperacusis, so some sensitivity is neurological and CBT / exposure therapy isn’t as effective as it is with neurotypicals. Furthermore, being a black male in America requires nonstop emasculation / passivity / deference to safely survive in diverse spaces. Have psychologists researched the specific traumas of social “code switching” by the marginalized to achieve survival?
i too struggle with the thought that strangers and neighbors might hear my voice being gay myself I identify with the sentiment of having to hide myself to avoid physical danger; it was especially strong when I was a kid and it sounds like it could have had a significant role to play in my social anxiety too also, nothing to do with the video but i love your music your voice is really nice
Hey Tay, as a fellow black man, I appreciate you sharing your experiences. I've suffered from generalized and social anxiety my entire life and I didn't realize it until now (at 40 years old). Somehow, even though I missed a ton of school due to anxiety, I was able to fight through and eventually get a PhD in engineering and currently work in corporate. I discovered I suffered from anxiety when my son started experiencing crippling anxiety, which was exacerbated by COVID-19. Interestingly he displayed issues with it at nearly the exact same time that I did when I was a kid, so perhaps there is a genetic component. But growing up in the 80's-90's it was largely ignored; it was so bad, that everyone in my family is surprised that I even made it out of adolescence alive. As to my son, I've had to get lawyers to fight his school to keep him in general pop. He's getting better but his school is actively working against him trying to push him out. It's insane, and not only that, we've spent thousands out of pocket for therapy and an out patient program for him. Thank God all of this is helping him though; it's so relieving to see him smile regularly these days and he's such a sweet kid. But my anxiety is sometimes off-loaded onto him so I may get treated, via medication, at some point. All in all, my wife and I are preparing to engage in activism for families who run into issues with school. At the least, we'll establish a lawyer fund to help parents fight against schools. It's a shame that you typically get justice in so far that you are able to pay for it. One interesting thing about me is that I love teaching and public speaking but crippling anxiety threatens to undercut this; I went into grad school to become a professor but went to corporate when I realized that it would allow me to "hide" a bit more easily (still massive challenges within corporate of course). One thing, as of late, that has helped with my overall outlook is reading radical black literature. CLR James, Cedric Robinson, and Walter Rodney, to name a few. I find that it helps tremendously to ground me in something much more organic and natural feeling as opposed to constantly reacting to an already reactionary European and American culture that was thrust upon our ancestors. It's also giving me the theory and tools to fight back against Western hegemony and see the fatal flaws within it. I'm beginning to introduce these ideas to my children as well so as to give them an understanding as to why they may feel alienated despite being in a culture and country which purports to be highly inclusionary; and, of course, I want them to draw strength from the struggles of their ancestors. Thought I'd share this as a potential avenue for encouragement and wanted to say I'm encouraged by your public voice as well. All the best.
The real reason why people have social anxiety disorder is the disconnections caused by deviating away from the natural balance. Watch this CRUCIAL short documentary on youtube that applies to EVERYTHING you care about: The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 💖
The real reason why people have social anxiety disorder is the disconnections caused by deviating away from the natural balance. Watch this CRUCIAL short documentary on youtube that applies to EVERYTHING you care about: The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 💖
Shy as a child. Then “social” between 17yo-30yo. Got hurt by a lot of people in that time by trying to see the best in people. Realized that life was much more peaceful (not as exciting but eh) before socializing with all of the arseh*les and their “politics”. Now I hermit 😌
As a child I was taught children were to be seen not heard, this deprived my ability to learn how to socialize with others, It has carried over to my adulthood. In a group I'm silent drawing attention to me making me overly anxious, awkward and out of place. It makes me very uncomfortable. Thinking others are judging me because of my silence as if something was wrong with me. I always take someone along with me to be my voice. This is very debilitating, I do best one on one.
You are not alone! I would get called mute in school and even into adult situations making me even more aware of how quiet i’m being. i try to chime in but sometimes even that doesn’t feel like enough
I have anxiety when I see people I haven't seen in years and worry they'll mention my weight gain since we last met. I especially hate going out of town to family events because they'll definitely make it known "you've been eating good, girl!"
My family does this too. Any family event we have I can expect at least one "You've gained weight" comment. At least yours try to make light of it. Mine flat out tell me I'm fat. lol
I get laughed at, ridiculed, and overall treated with contempt for how embarrassed they are for me going bald. At least my bald head has the silver lining of being like a third eye that reveals the narcissists for what they are.
Its so mean to be critical about the way someone looks..and then if you become defensive your criticised for being too sensitive..i NEVER mention peoples size to them,its wrong.
Once the pandemic began, my exposure to social situations came to a halt. I spent most days at home. Now I’ve avoided socializing for so long that I’ve became a hermit.
Before I watch the video I'm gonna say the thing that makes people socially anxious is fear of a future situation. The thing that got rid of my social anxiety was learning how to stop a racing mind and stay in the present moment with meditation and cold showers. Also look into shadow work if a traumatic event from the past is causing your social anxiety
@@RMW22222 Shadow work involves getting in touch with the parts of yourself that you've repressed - or what many might refer to as their "dark side." ... It's called "shadow work," and involves "diving into the unconscious material that shapes our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors,"
@@RMW22222 when you go into a deep meditation of a traumatic experience in the past that still affects you till this day and holds you back from being the person you want to become. The meditation has to be vivid. You then have to observe the moment from 3rd person point of view. Your current self is witnessing this happen to your past self. Then you have to pause the moment and talk to your past self as someone who is more wiser now and coming back to give guidance and that one thing you needed in that moment but never got. It can be anything. For example, whether you needed love, encouragement, protection etc.. you would go back in time and give that to your past self so they can heal, which would heal your current self. More traumatic moments take more meditation sessions
so true. Anxiety is your mind dwelling on the negatives in the past and anticipating anything negative in the future. Stay in the present. easy to say but it works.
Actually that didnt work for me. I worked at a supermarket where I was forced to constantly greet random people. I still came out of that situation very anxious with low self esteem.
I'd say working in customer service just reinforced the idea that I am only acceptable when I perform. I was great with customers and had a lot of confidence in being able to perform social interactions by the end of my time working retail but had zero self-esteem when it came to genuine interpersonal relationships. Now my S.A.D takes the form of making me feel exhausted every time I have to interact because my default is to now perform and I can't switch it off. I don't know to be genuine and even interacting with friends for a short time leaves me tired out.
Me too! Well at least when I’m at work, it feels like sometimes my social anxiety “turns off” some days it doesn’t and work suucks but working in a restaurant and dealing with rude ppl in a go go go environment forced me to act okay for so long that now when I’m there it usually doesn’t bother me nearly as much
This sounds silly but I get extremely anxious saying “hi” and “bye” to my co-workers. I muster enough courage to say something but it comes out so forced that I believe they probably think that I’m not being genuine, I beat myself up afterwards and dread the next time I have another interaction. Why does this always have to be a confrontation within myself every time?!
I completely understand you. This comment actually validated how I feel about this. Like she said, it takes exposure therapy to help. Facing those situations head on, which is definitely the uncomfortable part.
I experience the exact same thing. I can't walk down a hallway towards another person walking in my direction without my anxiety spiking. I'm worried about what they'll think if I simply just acknowledge them. I also worry that if I don't acknowledge them, then they might be offended. Regardless of what I do, I end up beating myself up about it immediately afterwards. It's so exhausting.
I have such anxiety with making phone calls or answering the phone. I have no idea where it comes from and it's just gotten worse the older I get. I just avoid calling places or doctors even when I really need to.
I do this too. I realized my son does too. I showed him something that helps. I write out a script in big sharpie on paper, of what I need to ask, really clear. "Hi I need to get the results of my blood test. My name is... my insurance is..." And I talk in robot voice...just clear and direct. It helps me get it done. I avoided the doctor when I had a real need for it, and got sicker. So I needed to figure out a work around.
@@greermandy Me too! Have to write my own details and everything down like I am making an appointment for someone else. Any hiccups in the script and I fill it with an apology about losing my train of thought. Haven't run into anybody being upset about that yet. I just keep telling myself nobody else is going to do it for me. They aren't the ones living with unaddressed health problems.
I have another tip besides the script. Think of yourself as your own personal assistant, like in a business setting. You have to call the doctor for your employer to make an appointment bc your boss is to busy to do it themself. I learned that working at a health insurance/call center. When I had to call a doctor in the name of the insurance it suddenly was very easy... so I started imagining my "working-self" making the call for my personal appointments too lol good luck
Me too! Amongst many other aspects of social anxiety (and many other debilitating issues)... The phone thing seems to be the most silly to me though (that's me judging myself, NOT YOU!!), because I tell myself, they don't even see You, what is the big deal???? I turn all red and uncomfortable and completely unaware of my surroundings for a 1 minute phone call that I've been pushing off for ages and then when I'm done, I'm so proud of myself! Like, YAY YOU DID IT!! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!! 👏👏👏 A struggle & a success for me when done, that would be a total nothing for most of the world... Ey, life is GREAT! 😊🙃😁
@@moodymandy I think a part of the reason why we are nervous although no one is seeing us... is because we are more self conscious of our actions because our minds are aware that we are engaging in social interactions. So instead of focusing on the tasks we start to deeply critize and reflect on our tone, words and so on.
Humiliation and embarrassment are a factor in my social anxiety but very small compared to the idea I'll hurt someone and not know and won't be told or won't be told until I've hurt them more.
The real reason why people have social anxiety disorder is the disconnections caused by deviating away from the natural balance. Watch this CRUCIAL short documentary on youtube that applies to EVERYTHING you care about: The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 💖
The real reason why people have social anxiety disorder is the disconnections caused by deviating away from the natural balance. Watch this CRUCIAL short documentary on youtube that applies to EVERYTHING you care about: The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 💖
I grew up always talking really fast or taking really softly to the point that people can't hear me. My school put me in speech classes and told my parents it was a speech issue. As I got older, I felt that something was off and it wasn't until 29 that I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder. I'm so glad to be finally on the right track and this video opened my eyes so much to my own behavior
These comments refresh me. Being around so many people without SA makes me feel like i'm going crazy and am so misunderstood. Seeing so many commenters expressing themselves and feeling like i feel makes me feel so much better.
Exposure Therapy is only effective if you’ve first addressed the underlying thoughts and feelings that led to your anxiety in the first place. You can throw somebody into a mall that’s packed with people 100 times and after that 100th time they can still have just as bad social anxiety issues as they did the first time they stepped in there because the mental aspect of their anxiety hasn’t actually been addressed.
True, you have to adress the root of the issue, the root before the symptoms. The anxiety reaction( thoughts, feelings, body) is all symptoms. Or atleast while your doing the expsure.
I feel so safe here, thank you so much. I'm 26 years old and I luckily could improve myself, but I'm still very anxious. I'm in school again and I don't want it to be as bad as it was when I was a child. I also think that the social anxiety was always the problem. Depression was just a symptom of always hiding and being lonely.. Feeling ashamed and be anxious. I hate this so much. I could be a very happy person If I just wasn't afraid of humans..
Try listen closely,You can be helped and you can get things better for yourself and your family 😔.... I know this because my husband who had severe depression made him try killing him self many times. He got better. I got helped by someone and he made my husband feel better within a month
I needed this. I so easily isolate myself because of being overwhelmed by unwanted public attention. I’m a woman from a “minority” culture. Imagine the magnitude of how much certain people have to face this difficulty.
I've taken a position against "performing" altogether. I hate the strange sense of pressure to change my speech or behavior when someone observes or enters within earshot of me. Why should I have to change my behavior based on the people around me? Why should I put on a performance, a facade to appease a crowd? I don't want to, I want to be accepted for who I am, but I can't help but see the structure of the social world as artifice interacting with artifice. I want everyone to just act natural and at ease, not feel pressured to conform to imagined or perceived social standards, to act "normal" or "cool" or "professional" or whatever. All acts, forms of manipulation to get ahead in phony social games. Who cares if someone is quirky or awkward if that's the way they truly are? Honestly, who cares if some people don't like someone for who they are? Let them think what they like, and be with those they do like. If only we could be more sincere than worried about fitting in. Just be yourself.
When I'm in public, a deep-rooted fear hangs low and waits to strike when I need to initiate a conversation or action with another. I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing and hurt them, annoy them, make them hate me, make them uncomfortable, or make things awkward. I'm afraid I'm not reading them correctly and that I'm overstaying my welcome sometimes, I'm afraid they want me to leave but I can't tell, maybe they're just being polite. I'm afraid that whatever I do might be wrong, I'm afraid that it might not be the right way to do it. I'm afraid that they'll see my flaws and leave me, yet part of me hopes they'll find better friends, friends that don't freeze up and hang awkwardly. Friends that they can talk to normally. I'm afraid that I'm taking up too much space, I'm afraid that I'm making too much noise, I'm afraid that I'm annoying or too much of an attention-seeker. These fears grip me like venom, they paralyze me. I don't know what to do or if what I'm doing is right, and so I'm afraid. I care too much about how I'm inconveniencing others and so I fade into the background, noticed only for my hypocritical use of well organized outfits that manage to gather compliments. It's all people can compliment me on because it's all most people know about me. I know it hurts me to be afraid more than it does to not be afraid and say the wrong thing. I despise being afraid, I despise being frozen. And yet... It's so hard to rid myself of. I know that it's my fear making me awkward I know that if they need to go they'll say as such I know that everyone makes mistakes I know it's the fault of insecurity making me think my friends will leave me or that they should I know I'm quiet and take up too little space. I've been told I'm the quietest at the table for a reason, I've been told I eat quietly for a reason, I know why people forget me and my name so often I know I should share my skills instead of hiding them, too So why am I so afraid? I'm self-aware, I try to ignore my intrusive thoughts telling me that I'm a screw-up and that I'm annoying and that everyone hates me. I try to perform and mask so I can be someone I like and someone that others like. I know it's the fear that is wrong and not me, so why? I have an idea of why, I guess I can list possible reasons. 1. My family has a history of anxiety (both generalized and social). I know for sure that my grandmother and mother deal with it. 2. Past experience. I've said the wrong things in the past and I've made people uncomfortable, mostly in elementary school. When I realized this that's when I started being afraid. 3. Autism. I think I'm autistic. I've thought that for a while. Why is this a reason? I've always been somewhat socially inept and I learned how to social from cartoons, books, and video games. The way I preferred and prefer to spend my time alone, my tendency to say the wrong thing, and my need to act may stem from this. I want to live in a future where I'm not as afraid, where being out in public isn't overwhelming and awkward. I don't want whether or not I can hold conversations with people to be a gamble depending on my mood, I don't want group projects to be hell on Earth anymore. And so I must continue to try and improve, it's hard, I relapse, but if I stop trying then things will go poorly for me in the future. I'll probably see a psychologist when I'm an adult. When I write like this I see that 'well, it may not affect other people all that much, but it affects me a lot so it's probably not good to just bottle it up'
I am starting to believe that half of these things are just only in my mind. Because the way you explained it, made it so logical and simple and gives me hope that it is something I can over come.
The amount of practical knowledge you cram into these videos is impressive. I've been using the last tip with my two boys to teach them how to be more aware of their feelings, and put some space around them. Thanks!
Hello I have social anxiety my whole life. I still have it but I am so much better and life is much better because of doing the this. My fear nice looking girls I could not talk to them at all. But I decided f that I want a normal life I did the therapy and jumped into nursing as a male. I am much better now because I am forced to interact with a 80% female work force and just patients in general. This has improved my life so much I still have social anxiety I don't like talking about myself or my family I don't like sharing information about myself. But life is good.
The real reason why people have social anxiety disorder is the disconnections caused by deviating away from the natural balance. Watch this CRUCIAL short documentary on youtube that applies to EVERYTHING you care about: The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 💖
I have more than just social anxiety and I'm tired alot. And you're right about avoiding social interactions. Except I've developed a strange coping mechanism.... Making others laugh. I'm a goober so it relaxes everyone and this way nobody is anxious.
This all makes so much sense. I've read about exposure therapy, but it really clicked to me just now when you said that the brain evaluates whether a situation is safe or dangerous based on all previous experiences, so you better create as many safe experiences as you can though therapy, so that this decision for the brain is easy and it no longer produces anxiety.
My anxiety began when I realized that I wasn't perfect, and I that I wasn't in control of everything that happens in my life. I've been greatly humbled. Though it was a rude awakening, I'm so grateful that I've evolved and gained some wisdom and understanding. Now I'm on a mission to become a student of life! Thanks for this video! 🙏🏿
Could you do a video on how different parenting styles (authoritarian and permissive I’m really curious about) can contribute to your temperament and later mental health problems?
I'm curious as to my mother...she was like an authoritative hippie....we didn't have any rules and I could basically do whatever I wanted...Yet she still could be scary AF and authoritative at the drop of a pin.... She was the daughter of a real Nazi... Yet went to college in the 70s.... Lolllll
The real reason why people have social anxiety disorder is the disconnections caused by deviating away from the natural balance. Watch this CRUCIAL short documentary on youtube that applies to EVERYTHING you care about: The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 💖
It's literally like she's talking to me. I pulled back from society for a good while due to anxiety, and it gradually got worse until I was basically housebound. Luckily I think I hit my rock bottom, and I'm working on being able to take the bus by myself, which I haven't done in years! I'm building up to getting a job again, and being more self-reliant.
Omg this made me cry . This is me , sometimes i can barely hold a conversation , ppl say hi & i say merry Christmas , im so awkward . I start stuttering & all .
I do ALL these safety behaviors. I'm 17, and I've been like this for a long time. Everyone thought that I was just shy and quiet. I was recently diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. But I'm currently in therapy to alleviate social anxiety and agoraphobia. These videos are really helpful and validate my experiences. Sometimes I can feel alone or "odd", but knowing that other people understand and that this is a real condition makes me feel better. Thank you for your content!
My story's very similar to yours, but I wasn't diagnosed until age 29. I've always felt alone but it's really comforting to see that there are so many people with a shared experience.
To ALL the people up on this video on the Autism spectrum with ADHD. You are my tribe!!! I love us all. To the OP; May Allah bless your whole life as you are blessing all of us 🙏🏽💕
She's so genuine and she projects this air of Compassion and care that makes you feel like you're safe. I wish I had found this channel sooner. (And I wish she could be my real therapist 😅)
I’ve gotten better in social situations and cope with my shyness, but lately I’ve been struggling with the fear that someone will hurt me or something bad will happen to me outside of the house.
Have you been watching the news or violet videos people fighting boxing or mma a contact sport have you heard about bad scenarios happening to people this might create a unconscious fear if your brain sees this it acknowledges it as if it were happening therefore putting you in a fearful awareness state I coped with it by avoiding negative information and training mma
Your videos always make my brain do a double take (or ten!). My whole life has become structured around avoiding shame, but the shame just grows along with the list of forbidden shame-inducing things. I know that repeating the behaviour reinforces the behaviour, but I never thought about the layer underneath THAT, of repetition reinforcing the BELIEF that this WORKS. Wow, that is something I really need to think about. Thank you so much. You really do make a lot of difference with these videos.
There’re different school of thought in psychotherapy and each would have different interventions. Exposure therapy is a form of CBT and focuses only on the present situation. For me, I find that some form of trauma therapy (acknowledging where the fear comes from and learning to empathize with myself having those feelings instead of trying to fix it which reinforces my belief that I’m not good enough and the shame of having the anxiety), mindfulness and self compassion practice suit me more.
I think this is a very common experience for people with other disorders, particularly autism spectrum disorder, in my case. It's pretty inevitable that I'm going to come across as standoffish and be "othered" in a group of neurotypical people.
That's my experience, too. When I try to come out of my shell, I do end up getting ignored or getting awkward looks. I usually end up thinking, "I should just be quiet from now on." People are not really so nice, even people who seem friendly. They judge whether you're cool more than whether you're kind.
I'm very grateful for you, Dr Tracey. I dont have the money for therapy and my insurance typically cuts out and ruins everything. I've had social and general anxiety all my life (20) and no one ever understands it, especially my mom who's very extroverted and outgoing. It's hard when she pushes her personality on me because I'm the FARTHEST from it and since I don't have a stable method of therapy, these videos help me figure out some of my issues. I DO like my small social battery, but not the anxiety that comes with it. Very VERY grateful for quality content thats available for everyone. Thank you
Hey Tabora Wow, I completely resonate with what your saying. I’ve always had this belief that I’m the only one who struggles with social anxiety and not having emotional support at home. And my mom is the same as yours! I really hope you get the support you need and wish you the best☺️ You deserve to be accepted and loved just the way you are, I’m sure you will find the right people💗
Instant flashbacks of how I literally fell mute in the midst of a class presentation due to my chronic social anxiety😢I feel like I will never get better
The real reason why people have social anxiety disorder is the disconnections caused by deviating away from the natural balance. Watch this CRUCIAL short documentary on youtube that applies to EVERYTHING you care about: The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 💖
You WILL get better. I was the same, teenage and the beginning of adult years are the hardest. Trust me it gets wayyy easier from there. Remember, You are the one in control of your thoughts. The second a negative thought pops in your mind kick it out and tell who’s in charge.
I know how you feel. I didn't go mute but I would talk extremely fast and people couldn't understand me. It's a hard road, especially in my career where I'll have to make presentations. But I believe we'll get better 😊
Great info, thanks! I wish to add a bit a nuance: often the anxiety actually doesn't extiguish, but rather it's a lifelong battle that can rear its head at any time, unexpectedly, for any reason or no reason. The idea that it starts big and gets smaller over time until it disappears is simplistic at best.
13 years of anxiety and depression have crippled me in so many ways. There are times where I can't bring myself to go to a store in fear of how I look, walk, talk, or present myself. It feeds into the depression and sense of unworthiness. It's impacted my self esteem. I've tried everything from medications to therapy, yet it never seems to fully improve. I just want to feel well. Your videos have helped me to address some of these issues and I'm now looking into ketamine therapy for treatment resistant depression. I'm hoping I can find the light at the end of the tunnel.
It makes sense, one or two bad experiences can get lodged into your mind from your past, and it can stick there. We tend to avoid it because of a human instinct and safety, agreed there, and when an event comes up, our brains will increase the maginitude of the event times 100, making the made up scenario in your head bigger than it already is, preparing for the worst, but when that event comes, it usually goes better than what your brain was anticipating for.
My body tenses up when I feel anxious too. I’ve been called a spaz due to muscle spasms resulting from how much stress my body is under. I haven’t been prescribed anything that has helped my anxiety yet, so I’ve been trying to use practices such as meditative breathing and affirmations to calm down and that’s been helping a bit. Remember you are enough, you are imperfectly perfect, and the world is better with you in it!
Between you and my wonderful therapist, I am healing in so many new ways I never imagined I could. Thank you for putting yourself out here. I hope the positive feedback from your videos fuels your desire to educate. I like your style, lady.
My social anxiety is getting so bad that I'm finding it hard to keep a job, any time I'm supposed to go to work and I don't know exactly what will happen, I shut down from anxiety and can't force myself to go. Thank you for posting this
I'm so anxious about going out to the crowded malls. And loud music esp in confined spaces like a car or taxi. My palms and feet break out in a heavy sweat..I never really wear open shoes when I go out. Only at home or to the beach or I carry sandles in The car. I constantly have balls of paper towels in my bag from my hands and It's a habit that I have tissue paper in my hands which eventually end up balls in my hands from perspiration and squeezing from nervousness. I've been trying to visit the smaller malls and feel a bit less anxious. And I do feel the stiffness too. I get really edgy when we need to do shopping.
I used to be severely anxios but the way I cured it is by practicing . Basically communicating more and more with strangers. Like Grocery store workers or gas station workers. Picture them as a clown and reminding myself that they are no better than me. Only thing I cant cure is when I have to speak about myself. Like explain people why im good enough for a job , etc..
@@Venomonomonom Thank you so much. I just sort of lived with it. There was a roll on for sweaty hands and feet that I used a while ago. It wasn't pleasant. I used it on my wedding day...let's just say that it wasn't strong enough. Lol but I'll look into it. I think the primary cause being the r triggers of the anxiety is what I should figure out and address first. I guess everything else might get better once that is resolved. Thank you so much for the advice. I will definitely look into it.
The real reason why people have social anxiety disorder is the disconnections caused by deviating away from the natural balance. Watch this CRUCIAL short documentary on youtube that applies to EVERYTHING you care about: The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 💖
My anxiety comes from my childhood as well…I was always bullied in school and home as a woman of trans experience in my early phase…I always tried to join others but when I did I was always rejected…now I glow in every way but my anxiety stops me from going after my potential because it’s hard for me to believe other people view me the way I view myself
This truly helps me understand why I'm so concerned with being intimate with a partner... I'm not allowing the chance for my fears to be proven wrong. -Thank you...
thankss, needed this :,) Today I literally ate my whole serving of lunch in 4 minutes because i was anxious about people looking at me and judging my food or the way i ate/ how my face looked without a mask on
The real reason why people have social anxiety disorder is the disconnections caused by deviating away from the natural balance. Watch this CRUCIAL short documentary on youtube that applies to EVERYTHING you care about: The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 💖
I've had social anxiety for a very large part of my life. I also have autism which have entailed many social misunderstandings and trouble with fitting in and talking with others. Over time, I needed to accept that I will make social mistakes and its ok, thats just me. My brain sometime tells me, I am autistic so I cannot not make social mistakes because my brain processes social information differently. Im still working on overcoming that mindset.
The real reason why people have social anxiety disorder is the disconnections caused by deviating away from the natural balance. Watch this CRUCIAL short documentary on youtube that applies to EVERYTHING you care about: The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 💖
I'm about to start volunteering today. I'm here watching these videos before I go so that I can attempt to act normal. Hearing her say that people probably can't tell how anxious you are feeling, really helped. This was really helpful. I'll be back to learn more.
I was raised in Mississippi and moved in an urban part of Chicago when I was 14. I am 21 now and have been reprimanded for my open and warm personality, people have actually told me that I am “too friendly “ and pose a threat socially , this has made me socially awkward because I have a fear of being a target to get robbed or potentially killed .
Never walk in fear. Your friendly and warm personality is your natural essence. Be you. This is where you will find the most happiness. Never let someone else suppress distorted view of life or community move you off your mark. Your warmth is what will attract the beauty of others.
I would really appreciate a video on BDD... Body Dysmorphic Disorder, because I believe my social anxiety is secondary to that.... I'm not diagnosed with anything, I'm diagnosing myself...🤷♀️
The real reason why people have social anxiety disorder is the disconnections caused by deviating away from the natural balance. Watch this CRUCIAL short documentary on youtube that applies to EVERYTHING you care about: The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 💖
I’ve had pretty bad social anxiety for a few years now after dropping a really toxic friend group. But everyday I try my best to break my isolating habits. I compliment restaurant workers, raise my hand in class for questions I’m passionate or confident in, and going to meet my advisor in person. All of these things have helped little by little. I had to give a bunch of oral speeches in one of my classes last semester too. Although they made me really nervous and bashful, I tried sticking through them and reminding myself that I was okay. (I had an actual public speaking class a few years ago at the height of my anxiety and literally cried on stage, so it was a good improvement for me). Moral of the story, i think it is very important to push ourselves when we don’t want that extra push. It is definitely easier said than done, but that’s why I think it is important to start with small things.
Very interesting part about newer memories coexisting with older ones in the limbic system. Apparently people who have PTSD have memories stored somewhere in the brain and part of trauma therapy is to move those memories from one region to another. Sounds a bit hocus pocus, but I'm not qualified to make such judgements. 😁
Thank you. I felt this way before the pandemic. But now I feel particularly bothered by this over the last 6 months. So now I tend to keep to myself and deny myself the opportunity to go out because I just feel safe here. A never ending cycle. And the weird thing… I work in a very public position and my coworkers never believe me when I say I feel this way. I feel just fine when I am around my husband or very small group of core friends. So Dr. Marks is this Imposter syndrome or true social anxiety?
Imposter syndrome: you feel like an imposter. You're feeling stupid and clumsy only pretending to be smart and graceful, for example. While the world sees you as the latter... but your skewed sense of self, makes you feel inadequate or like an imposter. At least that's how it is for me. 💖🌞🌵😷
I’m no doctor but I feel like all of this stuff is on a spectrum. Even if it’s mild, it’s still valid and you’re not any sort of imposter :) hope things get easier for you best of luck
The real reason why people have social anxiety disorder is the disconnections caused by deviating away from the natural balance. Watch this CRUCIAL short documentary on youtube that applies to EVERYTHING you care about: The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 💖
The good thing about the whole pandemic deal is that completely eliminated my anxiety issues. Granted, I haven't spoken or seen another person (besides family once/month or the grocery store) in almost two years, but still... progress, right?
The real reason why people have social anxiety disorder is the disconnections caused by deviating away from the natural balance. Watch this CRUCIAL short documentary on youtube that applies to EVERYTHING you care about: The Connections (2021) [short documentary] 💖
Try listen closely,You can be helped and you can get things better for yourself and your family 😔.... I know this because my husband who had severe depression made him try killing him self many times. He got better. I got helped by someone and he made my husband feel better within a month
I have a question. This video speaks to me so much. I hgad severe debilitating social anxiety in high school, due to being naturally anxious and later on isolating myself constantly therfore increasing the monster behind the curtain as you said. Nowadays due to practice and exposure I am much much better and mostly comfortahble, but I tend to "overcompensate"; I often tell more personal information than I have to, assert my boundaries and desires more bluntly than I have to, and make myself appear more confident, basically overcompensating fot the residual social anxiety I still have. Could this be considered a safety behavior? I feel conflicted because it makes me feel safer, but doesn't actually protect me from people's judgements.
I was emotionally abused as a child and developed these protective behaviors in response. Years ago I handled the worst aspects of it - especially my absolute terror of potentially romantic interactions. But a certain basic level of avoidance in most casual social situations has rooted itself deeply. I'm fairly certain my ADHD makes it worse. And I've been waiting somewhat desperately for covid to go away so social situations can again become possible. So I feel trapped right now. In any case it's helpful to hear my problem laid out in such clear, objective terms. Thanks.
35 and it endures my social life tremendously. Moved to a new state for a job-3 years ago-and I have no community, no friend circle and it’s making new friends super hard. I’m anxious all the time, having thoughts of moving back home to be around my family and small friend group.
@@DrTraceyMarks Yes, Dr. Marks. I am very intimidated when I am in social settings around people of a higher socio economic and people who seemingly have normal, non-dysfunctional families /children. I always feel like I'm not good enough and I am always waiting on pins and needles waiting for someone to as me questions about my life. Feel of judgment and rejection rules my life. I have seen several therapists and I am no closer to relief. I thank you so very much.
Your advice seems geared toward the neurotypicals. I believe I'm on the Autism spectrum, and my social anxiety stems not from avoidance, but from repeated negative experiences. I try to be friendly and sometimes humorous (if the occasion is appropriate) and I'm NEVER rude or demanding or irrational or impatient or angry. Despite this, the overwhelming outcomes of social interactions is negative where the other person is brusque, rude, indifferent, annoyed or angry. And almost universally they try to get out of the situation quickly. What should I do?
Do you know your personality type? For example I'm an INFJ-Advocate type personality (Myers/Briggs). You can start there. Really understand how you are wired (cognitively). I'm finding out that I need a new strategy to live life being "hard wired" the way that I am and how people respond to me, im learning how to accept it (be it negative or positive) and keep it moving. Once you know you type look on RU-vid and you just might not feel so alone, as there are probably others hard wired like you similarly experiencing the same thing. Hope It helps.
Thx Dr. Tracey, this is a very valuable video. Also a great ERP therapist - Nathan Peterson. He has a youtube channel as well. Helped me a lot. Enjoy your day anyone who's reading this ❤
It's a physical condition (a physical deformity) that can be psychologically traumatizing, that if the physical condition can't be corrected, the psychological traumatization can't be terminated. Hopelessness is justified. The Elephant Man understood as much.
What did I fear would happen: Customer would notice my shaky hands when delivering drinks What actually happened : Spilled some of the drinks and the customers noticed my shakey hands What did u learn: Stop working in restaurants
My social anxiety started with my health anxiety which was triggered by me fainting after hearing some news which doesn't even concern me. It sucks coz it interferes with my daily routine now.
I don't find any of these things help me atal. With exposure I can do things but the anxiety never gets any better. This means that I'm still having panic attacks every time I try doing what I fear. For me it's going out alone. I've tried breathing exercisea and I've tried this journal thing my psychologist I used to see gave me that had me look at the fear how I felt before doing the thing I feared and what the thoughts were, then after look at how these thoughts were not true. Nothing has helped me. I'm still terrified every time I try to go out alone. I have been out alone twice inn a whole year and I'd do anything to avoid having to work because nothing terrifies me more than spending a whole day at a strange place with strange people on my own.
I feel the same way and each time I try the exposure thing I come back home more depressed and replay my failures and what I did wrong in the situation.
Exposure therapy can worsen trauma in some patients. She really should have mentioned that. Trauma that causes social anxiety is remembered in the body. So the ideal way to go about this is not solely cognitive. Our minds change during developmental trauma. We are always in survival mode. I still haven't found a way out of this hell, but being around people who are kind and avoiding cruel people does help. It also helps to remember everyone has their own life theyre preoccupied with. I still have SAD but it's not as paralyzing. Looking at people also helps (not staring). If people stare at you it's probably because you look scared or off. i had to braid my hair for people to leave me alone. Yes the world is gross. But it helps
It is not like I have problem to be social , or I have problem to push myself in situations, I can go far further then people who don't have anxiety , I just have anxiety symptoms and it is not like I don't know that for most part reason is because of how I process information around me, it is not so simple to not think, or not process information as you do , the more you think of not thinking , or not taking information in such way , the more you think about it. To really drop it you must simply not even have idea of such form of processing information in your mind and how well you can pull it of depends very much on your physical chemistry and having willingness to droop this completely, easier to be said then done though, especially when you don't want to lose your way,.
