Soft White Underbelly interview and portrait of Nick, a heroin addict on Skid Row. For ad-free, uncensored versions of SWU videos, as well as some exclusive videos please subscribe to: / softwhiteunderbelly
I went to high school with Nick. We were punk kids who got drunk and went to shows. It always seemed so innocent back then because that's just the kind of stuff high school kids did. I never knew about the stuff he faced as a child even though we hung out every single day for the better part of 2 years. It's heartbreaking to see him on here talking so openly about his addiction. I've been watching your videos for a while now and I never expected to see someone I grew up with on here. Just goes to show you never know what someone is going through or where life will take them. I wish the best for Nick. I hope he gets sober and finds happiness.
Dear God, shower this precious guy with the help he needs through the humans that cross his path. I’m shook. He’s so close to grasping sobriety and health, and I pray he harnesses his strength and kicks his habit once and for all. I can’t express what I’m feeling for him, except love. I love this dude.
He is a good guy. I was his supervisor at a nursing facility. He just has a LOT of problems. I was so sad to find him on this channel...but maybe it will help open his eyes somehow.🥺
Thanks for praying for this young man, it is obvious he isn’t hard core but the possibility is there snd I add that please god help this young man, he has it in him .
No such thing as once and for all. If it’s his highest priority and he has a program and a network of people who he can turn to, he can stay clean and sober. But it’s always one day at a time.
That's a great thing to hear lucky & you could mention this often on these pages, each time someone struggling reads that number of your years the more people you will have given a big scoopof hope too. Sometimes it's just the right words at the right moment to save someone.
wow. it’s crazy how drugs can truly take anyone away. he’s so intelligent, and so aware of his current state and wrongdoings. this is truly eye opening, i hope he turns himself around.
@miguel.... I ty for having an open mind. not immediately judging him. us addicts, we were human at one point. addiction is the devil. this drug in particular. I wrote a comment myself and my current struggle..... I just wanted to stop in yours to say TY
Mark, it must be emotionally taxing to listen to such difficult, intense stories during your interviews. All that chaos, brokenness, humanity, loss, pain. In every video, from addicts to rapists, I find myself angry, empathetic, confused, surprised. You have demonstrated to me, to us, that morality is complex, childhood is key and compassion is beautiful. This channel is a gift to humanity and I salute you. Thank you.
I agree, but I also think Mark is addicted to this. It’s not healthy anymore. He buys them cars and lets them scam him over and over… I don’t think he can help it anymore..
@@marialiyubman I respectfully disagree. He knows what he’s doing. If you’re going to give an addict something then you don’t expect anything from them.
@@marialiyubman he said ones that he loves to learn new things. As ADHD I can totally relate what he meant. Also, every person I know has an addiction. I was raised in traumatized country and some people have healthier addiction and other less healthy but they all have one denominator- Trying to silence their inside voice
One of the best interviews ive watched here. His honesty, he is young intelligent well spoken. Only wish you the best of luck hope you can find your path to being sober productive life.
I went to high school with Nick and a bunch of us have tried on and off for years to find out where he is sometimes with success and losing contact. One of my pals just showed me this video last night and we’d like to find him again. He was always sweet, articulate, brilliant, and gentle soul. We all love him and just want him to be okay. If y’all have any information on him, please send me a message.
@@JEJEJEJEJEJEJE How sad. I can only imagine with how bad his arms look in this video and this was over nine months ago what he looks like now still as an addict. 😢. I'm glad he's still alive and hope he beats this before it beats him.
This whole interview was great! As a sober man it helps me stay sober… it takes what it takes but the only thing that made me cringe was when he said he and his fiancé are growing by walking the streets of skid row. I would challenge him to reconsider that because is that a true statement?? or is that something his addiction is telling him to keep him out there? A justification… what helps me stay sober is asking myself every morning, and every night… am I who I say I am? And For 2 and a half years it has been a def YES!! Good luck to you young sir!!
@@froandcara thank you 🙏🏼 so much! I’m still an alcoholic addict, but now I’m addicted to hope and redemption and in tipping the scales ⚖️ in gods favor and seeing how I can help others and the world 🌎 ^_^
God bless you for staying sober, I pray that you’re able to work out all your demons and trauma that led you to use in the first place. You are loved, and you’re a precious soul. Every time you check-out you’re missing out on God’s plan for you. He created you for special things and I’m so so sorry for everything you went through in your life. ❤️
I know Nick from when he was in recovery. His fiancé he is talking about is Danielle who was in another interview. Nick is a kind and generous person. So intelligent and caring. I have so many fond memories with him and Danielle. This is sad to watch since I know what they are both like sober. I am keeping them in my prayers and hope to cross paths with them again one day.
Everyone's still so shocked that addicts are capable of being articulate. Like.... They're not special needs. They have addiction issues. They look like models. They have next level skill sets and I could go on. Addiction could care less about any of that. Much success to all in this hellish struggle.
You don’t have to be special needs to start lacking articulation. Long time drug abuse and deficiencies from sleep to food... cause brain fog... some people have a bit more luck to stay more high functioning
Exactly why u shouldn’t judge a book by the cover and the reason not all addicts are the same not all addicts do same things. We are all Humans that are all different in our own ways....
@@tomkeppler1717 He’s saying that he sees his potential. I know Nick personally. I would talk to him all the time when he was taking care of his dad through Hospice. We used to go to meetings together. He’s a great guy... he’s also an addict. You clearly don’t know shit about addiction. Nick was sober for years he’s aware of the help that is out there but it takes a certain amount of suffering/consequences to make a change when you are an addict. It’s a fucking disease not a choice.
Something about this dude.... just really want to see him get his life together..... lost my baby brother to an overdose a few months ago.... I see my brother in this guy....I see him in alot of people now....its hard, but it cemented me in my sobriety...... I want to help people like this.... I helped myself, but couldn't help my brother... but he's up there helping me now😉.......... I pray that this young man gets his life together! He seems so capable
Sorry about your Loss. I know Nick personally and he’s a great guy. I really hope he can get sober again because he has so much potential. Fuckin Sucks.
Respect 2 dude 4 sharing his story, I hope he gets his shit together, I’m a recovering opiate & H addict myself of the worst kind but I’ve been clean for 10yrs it is possible BUT You’ve got 2 really want it, My life today is something I never thought possible
Severe generational and childhood trauma right there! I’m 47, I have battled chronic depression since I was a small child, because of that very thing. I’ve never been a drug addict though. This kind of trauma affects every single thing in your life. Your personality, relationships, work, motivation, mental health, self worth, personal development, confidence. Everything. It changes who you are!!
It can serve as a negative.........on the other hand it also can make who you are, strong determined and have the ability to help others, especially your own children!
Sister I hear you. Sometimes I think that we alcoholics have it easier than people who deal with emotional and mental disorders on their own. However imperfectly, the drugs and alcohol take away our uncomfortable feelings. Once we get sober we have to deal with the feelings without that crutch. That’s why he said staying sober is easier than getting sober.
8:45 - “I like to see myself in a healer’s role. And it’s a perfect role for me because I can hide from myself, I can hide from all my problems by focusing on yours.” I felt that big time. 🙏🏼
I try to make a point to never skip ads whenever I see them on this channel. Sometimes I can't help it :/ but I make a conscious point to let the ads run . I want this series to keep going! Mark -- setting a "reminder" button for interviews and having a "live" premiere (even if it's pre-filmed and edited) allows people to set a timer, time in to the premier and adds a live chat in real time as the vid plays. Part of that live chat (essentially comments in real time, to each other, usually w a moderator or two) is that people can donate while it's happening! It's a bit like how people make money when they stream on twitch. People send differing amounts as part of stickers like "thank you", or in order to have their comments bumped or given priority, instead of being tiny and washed away with all the others. Granted, RU-vid takes a cut of all the donations that way... But-- it's ad-free money (since you don't want sponsors and marketing involved in the project) and a way for viewers to support and get a little dopamine bump from their support too (like seeing their comments pinned). We want to support you! Please consider it-- I think Most people are more inclined to give spur-of-the-moment donations than set up recurring Patreon payments.
That's so true, but i feel like it would be up to that person to break the cycle so the next generation doesn't have to go through it. You can definitely tell he has a beautiful soul.
In my country,in most cases of poverty motivates people to do good things for themselves...I don t think we shall blame having a poor childood to become a drug addict..
"It's easier to get sober than to stay sober " that is a incredibly true statement! Once you decide to get sober and clean and face your addictions it's literally like a high and motivating. But when you are in the thick of the real world's dealing with things paying bills, raising kids and dealing with your own issues sober is nuts. Those are the moments you want to falter, fall off the wagon. It's so easy to give up or give in to your addiction. It is much harder to be a productive part of society without a vice.
If you stay intoxicated long enough... being sober turns into the new high. Its still uncomfortable as shit but its like between the waves of discomfort, waves of emotions up and down.. you get these short bits of mental and emotional clarity where you just sorta feel "free and clear". Ofcourse then it all cycles back around
@@carlmuth1390 Nah I would say staying sober is harder. A lot of people get sober but relapse and it's cyclical. It's because getting sober seemed like hard part but in reality is easy compared to staying sober
@@texanstry2027 I've been sober 21 years and I never want to go through the experience of getting sober again. For me, it's easier to stay sober and happy if I just do some regular spiritual maintenance...
Just noticed that too. At first I thought he just had fat arms, then I looked closer and realized it's a pretty nasty infection from dirty needles. He subconsciously covers it up with his other hand several times, which is interesting too.
Those sores look all too familiar. They need to be lanced and drained. I did mine myself, thank god they healed well and the scarring is minimal. Mederma gel and Scar Away silicone patches help a lot.
I can't believe what he said at 8:40: 'I like to see myself in a healer's role, and it's a great role for me because I can hide from myself and all my problems when I focus on yours'. Nick you're the first person in 30 years of my lifetime who's been able to so accurately describe how I feel and function as a human being. Thank you, sir.
Thank the gods I overcame my active addiction. I f’ing HATE heroin now and what I hate more is what it does to people. It leaves a shell of a human where soul once danced freely. This guy made a comment about “heroin chic” and when I was in my addiction in the beginning and glorifying heroin that term absolutely rang true to me. It was incredibly attractive to me until I realized I was completely out of control running myself into the ground, not to mention finding myself in shadier and shadier places that I would never be in if my addiction hadn’t portalled me there. That stuff had me under its spell for over a decade and blessed I am that I came out virtually unscathed. Blessings to all still caught in the struggle along with the families and loved ones caught in the crossfire.
Not every video is monetized even if their are ads on it. Just because it's monetized, doesn't mean Mark is making a profit. What he makes from these videos isn't enough to cover his expenses. He's still losing money. There has to be a solution to all of this. Not a lot of people understand that he is not making money with this channel. He invests so much time, money, and effort into what he does.
Why should it matter if Mark gets paid? He is good at what he does not many can take interviews like this and make it what it is .. I have watched other channels similar to this but there is no comparison to Mark. I think he should make some money off of it.
@@damienholland8103 :) You're right but the 'every state has issues' defense is deflecting. ;) No state is as bad as the state of Confu...uh...California. Love ya.
There’s a lot of pain behind that heart, but a lot of love too, you can just tell. He has many redeeming qualities that I hope one day he’s able to recognize and take control of that addiction. He’s a smart guy with what seems like a good head on his shoulders. It’s much easier to see the crazy people and think “no wonder they’re on the street” but when you see people like this, it really makes you realize it could happen to anyone.
But I’m order to heal others, you need to heal yourself first… that’s what they don’t understand… it doesn’t have to be complete healing, but healing happens gradually..
He was (and hoping he's still alive at least) very much this when we were kids. There was a mutual "friend" we worked and went to school with who wouldn't stop bothering me and otherwise being a creep. There were days when he'd ride the bus with me to make sure nothing happened. I never knew until I saw this video three years ago why he was being protective of me that way.
A child is a blessing no matter how you take it. Having my son got me off the streets and change my way of life. It's sad you made the comment you made because it's wrong. There's only one life to live.
Wow, less than 2 minutes in, and I hear him say at 8 years old, he left, went to school, and when he came back to his "home," there was already a _different family_ living in it. My heart breaks for you, Nick. I'm about to listen to the rest of the interview; but wow, this struck me in the heart feels. I'm so sorry. No child should ever have to feel as confused, scared, and lost as you must have felt in that moment... 😥💔
Dope is a cycle or vacillating between one personality to another trying to pass or hide or boost, or crap, or what is up head or right behind, and getting your landscape of denial, lies, diminished abilities, diminished interests, diminished relationships, diminished health, diminished cash, diminished opportunities, diminished hygiene, diminished memory, diminished abilities, building a portfolio of legal documents that include priors, court dates , gathering records for these pending court date, parole officers, possible jail time, the c.o.s the food or lack thereof, the places you have been, the interesting people who you now consider close, the broken bonds, your broken promises, your broke ass, which doesn't have a place you can even collect mail never mind crap. Broken teeth, broken bones, brokenhearted , and the endless buffet of promises that is serving 24 hours a day to any one that is that dim. Yeah, without it I'm not sure what I might think about doing, talk about it, and nod off with that crazy warm electric blanket in your lower intestine, oh the dealers, the hustle, rigs or points, hiding dope, hiding valuables, hiding from the authorities, but know that you might feel that first blissful kiss for a short period of time over time or bite the bat head off. Then you could get out from underneath it's glory or increase your use which means you have to earn something to do that. Unfortunately your abilities and appearance have taken a hit. You can't get wet. Never liked it. Abscesses of your success are worn on your arms. Like Scout badges. Honored in a tent behind the international dollar store next to paycheck advance at the strip mall extension of Beverly Hillsboro boulevard St. Prairie mountains in beautiful south lake view park Avenue features two way views from her favorite place for the money. It's a buyer's trip with all of the best of what money gets you into another dwelling company with your newest favorite to the lowest sleaziest place that work can afford to. Unidentified by now lieutenant general major bottom in your area or the place of the best way around a murder rap since the prohibition of getting freaky before someone gets super freaky or whatever is happening on the flippity flop.
@@Kam-rp4rn no it's "spoken word" style of writing...I'd venture he's an ex-addict and has performed his "comment" at an open-mic event and copied and pasted from a document file.
Extremely tough to watch. I know Nick very well. Him and Danielle (there is a video of her too) are together. My wife and I are both sober and we know Nick and Danielle through recovery. They were both sober for several years and were doing extremely well. Nick was working as a Nurse and Danielle became a hair dresser. We even went to Coachella with them a few years ago. They are both smart, capable, intelligent, kind and generous people. It’s heart breaking to watch them both struggling. I’ve been there I know what’s it like to be where they are. I also know it’s possible to recover. What Mark says at 19 mins is spot on. I hope they can both find their way back. Nick if you read this call me bro... I’m always here and willing to help. Love you man. Drugs suck.
I really resonated when he discussed his childhood and how he was a sort of passive observer. I was the same as a child-very shy and quiet, and observing others. It’s always interesting to see what people on here say about their childhood. I really hope he seeks medical help for the infections on his arms and wish him all the best.
These videos are very reminiscent of the show Intervention to me. Love the backstories and transparency. I wish everyone peace and good energy who reads this.
awesome to see the ads on here didnt skip through one of them proud of you Mark🤍 and goodluck to you Nick you can do this put that intelligent mind to better things you deserve better than this!
You may not be a licensed professional but you care and the good you do far outweighs any bad. Don’t let the ones who are doing NOTHING to help ever discourage you cause these ppl need this outlet! I thank you for them because years ago I was one of them and someone like you who just wanted to listen inspired me to get help, I’ve never looked back. I don’t think this world even understands how many lives could be so different if one person would have just cared enough to listen ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
.My addiction started in the 70's (high school) Qualudes and speed,then percodans. Then I graduated to heroin.I used daily from from 1993 thru 2017. Today I am proud to be 4 yrs clean in November. You get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Hopefully you will too my dude.🙏🙏🙏WE CAN AND WE DO RECOVER.
Good for you, Mary. You've accomplished as LOT, please remember that when you are feeling down. I was in Jr. High in the 70's and my older brothers were using a lot. It almost devastated our family. That decade was no joke, regarding drugs, at least in the desolate rural Midwest. We all made it out alive, thriving in big cities on both coasts and our parents stayed together for over 50 years.
This guy is clearly a LONG ways from his own personal “rock bottom” and that’s really unfortunate. He still has a LONG way to fall if his head is this clear at this stage in the disease. I hope he has his moment of clarity before the inevitable happens.
U thought all addicts are mumbling idiots?? Well thats not true and a lot of addicts are more functioning than others and smarter than the average person, like yourself.....lol. You may be right that he hasn't hit his personal rock bottom but there is no way to tell from a short interview.......so yeah your point is moot and unquantifiable.....
This is like looking in a mirror. I have been on Methadone for the past few years, been out of the drug/heroin lifestyle for awhile now. But this dude is the same age as me, and from the same town. Yet I have never seen him around, trippy.
Yeah but if he were to start on to some sort of path of recovery, starting and creating articles for a blog about his life and experiences could be a useful tool and outlet for him … as well as putting out some interesting writing and perspectives into the world for others to read, reflect on or associate with. It’s easy enough these days that all you need is a tablet or online access and a bit of research … that’ll have a basic template based blog off the ground in an afternoon … the writing itself can often be therapeutic once the ball is rolling and many ppl find it to be a great release/coping mechanism that is healthy in place of destructive ones like self medicating with narcotics ….
Thanks Mark, I'm certain that many like me are seeing ourselves in your interviews to varying degrees and rethinking (or noticing) our automatic judgment mode that kicks in. The candid accounts of Nick and many others can only effect long term change in society starting with the individual.This platform is assisting in awareness, empathy and compassion and long term change. Thank you once again, I don't feel quite as alone as i once did we my hideous demons.
This guy is literally just like my uncle. Articulate and very intelligent, just couldn’t find his way around the drug abuse. This man is so young, hopefully he can find his way and have a beautiful life.
I really hope he gets his arm taken care of before it gets worse. I've had a friend who got an abscess in the same spot actually. Had to get a skin graft and it was absolutely haggard, to put it nicely. Almost lost her arm. It is not worth it. Recovery is possible 💕
I had the same issue n left it until it had to be taken care of, I was losing use of my arm n wound up n the emergency room n had like a golf ball size lump removed n it’s left a nasty scar iv got to remind me to this day of my past! I’m doin good now but I still dabble in pills occasionally but I’m no longer using a needle n am doing so much better n my ties with my family are so much better!
I went to a 3 month rehab in Ny Long Island called Phoenix House out east Wainscot in the hamptons with a guy (a fuckin personal trainer and badass mofo) who lose his whole arm at the shoulder to falling out from dope and cutting the circulation off for too long. We used to call him “Lefty.”
@@francissynergia7385 my ex had to have both legs amputated below the knee after being left in a bathtub w his legs hanging over the tub when he had fallen out on dope. He was then dumped outside and was lucky to have survived bc he also had multiple organ failure. I am so grateful every single day to be clean!
Nick, you are so self aware and intelligent. You own your stuff. I hope you find a way out of this life. I work in the health care industry and I feel you would be so chill and empathetic in the field - your past shows me that. You are so articulate and have so much potential. You can be so much more. I hope you receive the miracles that you deserve and go on to make yourself, your father and your family proud. Wishing you hope, happiness and love x
My son has gone through this as well and I’m proud to say he’s come out the other side and has been clean for years now! I pray this young man can get clean and find what it takes deep down inside to stay that way. He’ll be so much happier. Being the caring person he is maybe becoming a drug and alcohol counselor. I wish you only the best!!!
He has the red hands and edema in his arms, that puffy loose skin..He needs to get his health checked out for heart and diabetes. Poor people can get free health care in California. I know his addiction is the most important but he could get high and his heart will fail...
I understand your concern but maybe your not familiar with avid heroin users. Depending on the person, they’re veins start to close over time and develop scar tissue, so they start shooting in other places. Well then they miss every once In a while and can create abscesses under the skin or this crazy puffy looking hands and forearms. I have a friend that when you give him a fist bump it feels like his hands are filled with water and about to pop because he won’t stop using, it’s very sad though
Heroine abscesses. Dirty needle shooting. Not good. As previous commentor said, can become septic, then organs and heart can become infected. Being in healthcare, he knows this.
Reading a book right now called "Righteous Dopefiend" by an anthropologist called Philippe Bourgois & a photographer ... they studied a community of addicts (various kinds) in around San Francisco who were often in and out of hospitals during a time when the state healthcare system was restructuring. When they're uninsured there is often a lot of pressure from hospital admin to get them out of their hospital beds as fast as possible even if they haven't really healed as much as they should've. The book I'm reading was published in 2009, and the events studied took place in the late 90s/early 00s, so I don't know if things have changed for the better, but it was appalling to me to read about a heroin-addicted Vietnam veteran with infected brain lesions and fungus infiltrating his bones getting his antibiotics confiscated after 3 days because the cops could technically claim it was "evidence" of him possibly being a dealer ... the second the hospital no longer has room for these people they're thrown out back into a world where institutions will actively look for ways to fuck them instead of getting them help. Luckily Nick is not as nearly bad as the addicts I read about (who needed months and months of inpatient care to truly heal their infections and wounds) but I'm guessing he's up against some of the same.
The whole interview I was waiting for him to ask about what happened to this eye. Or either for him to remove his eye patch so we can see what’s going on underneath
@@FORZA0VELOCITA Really? Pretty sure i can use context clues and figure out what they were saying. everybody really wants to be a living dictionary, huh?
He has an infection in his left arm, I assume that is his injection arm. His hand and arm is swollen and red. He is setting himself up for endocarditis or sepsis. Definitely HIV and Hep C. He needs medical attention. He knows all of this according to his life experiences. So tragic. Please keep an eye on this one. He could totally change his life if he could get off his addiction.
I know! but the body is a remarkable thing...there's a guy Mark interviewed way back that has a hole the size of a fist in his forearm..where he continues to inject it's wild! his entire body looked septic but he was still going through life and the cycle of addiction. it's so tragic for the addict and their loved ones
Hes bit gonna lose his arm. Those swollen spots are where he missed a vein and the liquid heroin filled the muscle. In a few hours it will go down. It means he had just shot up before the interview.
Nick, I will pray for you....you are both self aware and caring.......you have SO much to offer this world. We need people such as yourself. The world is a mess and you are a sensitive soul.....you have much to give.
I've been in his shoes with the addiction, I know and feel his pain. Addiction is something that everyone looks down on but ANYONE can end up like him or myself!
Damn, he is from the same town as me, vista. I had a terrible heroin addiction from 13 to 18 and have been on methadone since then(i am 26 now). It isnt perfect but its better than shootin up dope. Hope this guy can turn it around, we all can do it, just takes a lot of effort and you have to really want it.
@@Lee_B_Futures Newsflash for you (ven though I didn't state it): I know. Stay out of my comments. Getting to any kind of stability in recovery is MONUMENTAL. We have to support each other and acknowledge achievement at every step or we will never have the fortitude to keep going, you destructive nay-sayer. This is a process, step-by-step, up and down, and doesn't ever go away. You weren't loved enough, but I hope you will be, starting today. Honestly.
@@Lee_B_Futures Shut the fuck up, at least their dose is consistent, they can work now, they can taper slowly. Quitting benzos or opiates has longterm hardcore post withdrawal symptoms (unlike crack or meth which is why people do not taper) and people are drawn to use for mental health in the first place. At least now they will know their next dose couldn't be spiked and can taper off one step at a time. You know fucking nothing about it clearly, but that dosen't mean you should blather and demean peoples accomplishments.
You’re an Angel for watching over your father during his end of life stages . I know it is not easy seeing your loved one Ill. I pray that you find your way to recovery and continue your journey to become a nurse . ☺️
6:45 *”that substance is a powerful painkiller of many types.. emotional, spiritual, boredom..”* this is sooooo accurate. i was in active opiate addiction for nearly 10 years and have now been off 8.5 months.. if i can do it nick and anyone reading this can too. HA and working a program has truly saved my life 🙏🏼🌸💖
You’re a sharp guy, you should remember that!!! Getting clean 🧼 would afford you a much better life. I truly relate to the constant moving around as a kid, it is traumatizing. You’re so attractive you could be a movie star !!!!
Praying for you 🥺 I was just this guy . Clean and sober for three years now odaat . You can do this fella just throw the towel in …..and let go of the corner !
Being a " Nurses Aide " you think he would know the dangers , but that shows just how powerful that Drug are, Bless you Nick , I hope you can find help !!!!!
I like that he is self-honest and able to recognize (around 23:10) that in his hopes of helping people, there's also a lot of ego involved which he has to balance. That's a very healthy and self-aware attitude to take.
The interesting thing (as an addict myself) I totally resonate with the appeal of using substances as an act of freedom. But sadly this poor guy is not free. He is trapped. Praying for your recovery.
he was glad he got arrested.... I agree with that. that's what shook me straight. 1yr clean. best year of my life. .... only to fall riiiight back into it. it's like he's talking for me. I'm sitting here in tears. .... I have no choice but to do detox/rehab. again. and I'm scared. scared outa my mind. cuz I know what that means. the withdrawal. the pain. it's sooo bad. bad enuff that, it's the reason us addicts don't, get clean. stay clean. the hell we have to go thru.... ha. or it's, just one more day. just one more day. lies.... all lies.... out of fear. eh, I'm starting to ramble. my bad. there's just sooo much to say about this. huge emotional rollercoaster.... prayers to this guy on getting clean, and staying. if I don't make the right choice, and fast.... ...... there's no coming back this time. God help me. Blessed day to you all
Sending you love, strength, and healing...it will be terrible...but then it will be amazing. Life is waiting for you! The only other choice is death (as I am sure you know)
Kratom can help make the exit from opines almost painless. You won’t get deathly ill... you’ll miss the high, but oh well. Can’t live that way forever. And I can absolutely guarantee you that it’s way easier to stop taking KRATOM than it is to stop opiates. Peace!
@ dc shortwave... I've heard this from a few ppl. ty. ty for taking the time. I'm just a pissant in this world, always amazed when someone actually reads my own words. been a tuff ass nite. morning. every day is just a nightmare. an I can't get outta bed nightmare. take care
@@prudence18 kratom can help with that, too! The last couple of years in active addiction, I couldn't even get out of bed for the depression... Nothing made me happy. There wasn;t anything that sparked my interest in even participating in life. I did a bunch of research on the internet until i found out about kratom, then I went and got some... when i started taking it, i started to feel better in body and mind. And then I asked myself what USED TO make me happy? Surely it could again... And I found that it did! i started listening to the music that I loved; going and looking at art; reading good books; walking my dogs... everything that would add joy to my life, so I could replace the sorrow. It actually worked so well, that I opened a kratom shop to help others/let others know about this life-saving plant! It may be trading one addiction for another, but like i said- i've stopped taking kratom for long stretches, the worst withdrawal symptom i had was a runny nose for one day... I'll take it! Much easier and less painful than opiates - on or off! You can do it. Life IS good! I'm grateful we're both still here to have this conversation... Look inside - you will find all you need. Peace and love!
I can relate so much to him. I hope he can get what's he's looking for and sticking to it. Not let the devil win. Like in what rehab told me. Rehab is about selfishness, working on yourself. The real test is when we get out of rehab. Mine is a job were I can help others less fortunate then me. Good luck bro, you can do it!
There is something so healing about telling your story.. just like getting it out there and examining it. This is so good for everyone. Thank you for what you do ♡♡
KRATOM can help you get off opiates and get your life back! What a bright light. Wounded healers must heal themselves first. It can be done. See you on the other side. Peace be with you.
I think he's really going at showing how smart he is but he's using as a way to not talk about the bad things. Sometimes people are too smart for their own good. I think book intelligents gives some people a false sense of control over everything and somethings the answer isn't in a book but in your heart. Definitely a great person hopefully he can find his way. ..🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻✌✌✌✌❤❤❤
Great interview/portrait and very insightful as always. Thank you for all your hard work and for continuing to spread awareness! You are much appreciated.
from my experience working in drug rehabs, it seems a lot of opioid users "talk a mean streak" its like they dont get the social cue its time to let others respond...not sure why.
Active addiction and introspection are mutually exclusive. Addiction is spiritually, physically, mentally escaping outside yourself. And when youre in survival mode, its near impossible to gather the wherewithal to put energy into recovery
@@ryankphd Nervousness. Feeling like we need to explain ourselves. Guilt. Needing to be understood. And a dash of silver tongued street conning. Ive spent a long time trying to prove to people im not a total scumbag, and sometimes thats taken the form of lengthy oversharing.
I've heard that maturity stops at the age you start doing drugs. Seems to be true. Studies show genetics are 50% responsible for addiction. Yes, we're all broken to some degree, but childhood trauma is not a sure ticket to addiction; however, genetics can be.
You are a very intelligent man Nick,I have children your age Our stories are very similar ,I bet you were an amazing Nurse I also worked in that field,& loved it.I am praying for you.I also lost my mother from a chronic disease she was only 41.my son passed in January also from a motorbike accident he was 18yrs old,& I try my hardest to live life whilst being a grieving mother,I am stable on a methadone programme that really has saved my life,Best of luck Nick & I will be praying for you 🙏 Michelle from🇦🇺
I get that feeling of living in freedom, without responsibility when things get so intense and I'm the one that has to come through. But I really cringed when he said that he had run out on the leasing agents for his car...For me it's been depression, not addiction. I'm really grateful that I'm able to put myself back in line before I damage my life really badly, most of the time. I'm scared of being in a state that I can't self correct.
Read up on niacin therapy for depression. This book Niacin: the true story Is eye opening. Niacin is a vitamin we are depleted. Minerals and magnesium too.
@@1976mcfarlane Magnesium is one we're greatly short on. I can't take it in the AM as I get so drowsy, it puts me to sleep. It can cause loose stools or diarrhea as a side effect. Always check the side effect of all natural substances. Niacin can cause headaches.
@@marylougeorge9890 there are several forms of magnesium. Some will give you loose stool if you take it but others don't work like that. Niacin gives headaches to some if they go too fast in the beginning because it initially detoxes your body and is a vasodilator. You have to do the protocol right by going slow with dosing. It works amazing on mental health issues but they have to put in the work. Niacin has many be med free and healthy. It's vit b3
I hope Nick understands how amazing he is. We r all flawed. We all fall. The capacity 2 still love. The ability 2 👀 his own failures is what makes him strong & beautiful.
