Wow!!! I’ve been in Al Anon for 5 years and never heard that. Loving someone who’s an alcoholic is like mourning someone who’s still alive. Wow!!!! Sooooo true!!!
when my dads drinking was at its worst, this is exactly what i told my mom. i said it felt like my dad died and i was watching this stranger live in his place.
I’ll be an Al-Anon member for 52 years March, 2021. Why am I in this so long since my alcoholic husband is now my ex? Because those 12 Steps is a guide for living and helps with every day life, not just for an alcoholic. My qualifier almost destroyed me, but I was determined that he wouldn’t win. For any newcomer, make a commitment to this fellowship, and a happier life is guaranteed.
Today I spent the entire day sober at my grandmothers funeral surrounded by my alcoholic mother, alcohol absuer step dad and sister. I was made to feel like I was the problem because I don't drink, as I dropped my sister off who was hammered I realised I have finally had enough of being made to feel bad for their problems. Going to my first local meeting this week. Thank you for taking the time to make this video. ❤️
Thank you for this, it’s very helpful and I love your key takeaways. ACOA also, Mom just gave up 7 years sober, 5 of which we spent rebuilding our relationship after no contact for 3 years. I’ve spent 6 months trying and wishing for it to go away and back to where we were, sadly am now at a point of accepting this is where we are, and where she is intending to stay.
Al-Anon will help you learn how to live properly. Those of us affected by an alcoholic, directly or indirectly think that living "wrong" is okay or normal but it is not. Thanks Jen for your post. I have been attending meetings for almost two months and this is a lifetime commitment because I want to change my life for the best.
Thank you for sharing your experience. My father recently relapsed after five years of sobriety and I feel bombarded by old traumatic memories. This relapse feels new and old all at the same time. I've just learned about al anon and I'm so ready to participate and grow.
Relapse happens. Take care of you. This H.P. is real and sometimes I loose belief that if I’m not in charge everything will collapse. That’s a lie. It’s just my ego. After all somehow his drinking was ruined and believe that a power greater than you and I can turn away from the dark side of the force😀
Thank you for making this video. I've been suffering in silence for decades and need to get myself to a meeting. My sister is an alcoholic and I need to get help.
I went to an Al-anon meeting to explain what is addiction and to confirm my theory that liars fool liars. Liars reject the truth. Victimism runs in families. Partners of addicts act out the role of martyr, believe the addict is a victim and want others to believe the same. The tragedy of addiction is children who revenge a childhood hurt, or trauma, against their parents becoming victims of themselves so as to conceal the hatred to hurt others.
This sums up my feelings perfectly . My alcoholic husband is not the person I married. I'm grieving for the person I used to know. I'll share this with my Alanon group. Thank you for sharing !
Thanks Jen for sharing and being raw with the truth..which isn't easy to do! I am a daughter of an alcoholic and was married to an alcoholic for 16 years..my husband passed away 2 years ago tomorrow from alcoholism..I leaned on Jesus and still do as he comforts and heals me. I pray you to will find healing and comfort from all of your sorrows from the situation. God Bless You!
So this doctor went to an AA meeting and announced he had the cure to alcoholism. All you have to do is take 1 pill. Someone in the meeting asked,’What if I take 2?
As crestons wife I remember going to alanon. I loved it the people were wonderful. The women were so kind. I will never forget telling my dad you are an alcoholic my dad said I havent drink in years. He said i am not a homeless person . He said I never drank all the time. He had the personality manipulative controlling bossy telling people what he thought even if it was a bit rude. I dont recommend telling your parent that. It sure felt good at the time. Oh and another thing alcoholics are always right and they love denial even when they dont drink anymore. My dad stopped at 50 and never had another drink. He only stopped because the dr said this starting to cause blood pressure problems and its all about them thats another thing. They will try to make you feel guilty for saying no. They dont like the word no even after they stop drinking. I do miss my dad alot he was a very kind person as well and would help people he even tried so hard to help my first husband stop drinking but he didnt and he said its time let him go get a divorce hes just like my brother he cant stop hes too far gone. My dad knew when to help and when to stop helping he really liked him. My exhusband loved my dad was very hurt when he died his dad was an alcoholic and forced him to drink like an adult at 12. His step dad was very mean to him I never liked his step dad very disrespectful to his mom and to women in general very verbally abusive. I dont like his mom either anymore shes very manipulative she also grew up in an alcholic home and I dont understand she could stay with him when he abused her son Jason. Thankfully I am very happily married to my husband Creston and hes not a drinker thank goodness. Its a hard life.
Hi Jen, this was incredibly useful. I really thank God there is RU-vid and that someone like you would provide insights of what Al Anon is, I am interested on joining and your video motivates me to give it a try :)
Thanks for sharing your experience. It’s a heart breaking disease. It’s not easy to talk about. I’ve been going to meetings for awhile, and they have definitely helped. I still have a long road ahead of me, but serenity is near
Jen, I'm from Brazil and while I was watching your video I felt like getting hugged. Thank you! And also I feel happy by seeing that you got it and hope you keep moving.
This little David has been at the hardware store trying to buy bread . ...knowing how ludicrous that is!! But love isn't always logical.....Alanon helps retrieve LOGIC AND NORMALCY♡
I’ve always felt like I’m grieving someone who is still alive. It’s rough. Thanks for sharing. Your relationship with your dad reminds me a lot of my mom. I’ve been debating on going to an AI ANON meeting for 2 months now. I think I will go
Thank you so much, I am coming to terms with someone very close being an alcoholic. I have felt for a long time, "this relationship feels like an addiction", and I am now realizing that it's because addiction was controlloing my loved one and thus the relationship. So much is clicking into place and it's overwhelming but relieving. I will be going to my first al-anon meeting asap.
Thank you for sharing this!! My son is alcoholic and in rehab. I am grateful that he is getting help but I know it will be a long road for him. I am going to my first al-anon meeting this week. I am have started the process of taking care of myself and letting go of trying to control the outcome of his recovery. I love my son so much so this is hard and I know I need help coping. Hope you are doing well.
I attended Al Anon and many other self help groups for over 25 years. I share some tips, tools and guidance that I have learned through my personal path that have helped me. My passion is to help others along their path too. Keep up the great work I can assure you it honestly does get better!!!
Thank you for sharing your experience, strength & hope. Al-Anon saved my life and made me a stronger person enjoying the simple things out of my life. I was married to an alcoholic for 23 years, the last 10 were the worst as the alcoholism increased and increased. I was introduced to Al-Anon at my husbands first treatment center. In order for me to stay happy, I have to be an active member in the group by providing service work. Loving someone who's an alcoholic is like mourning someone who's still alive but, a thousand times over. While I have found my personal peace, my ex husband is still active in his addiction.
Hey, Jen, thank you for your heartfelt transparency and in sharing your solution. Al-Anon is THE place to receive love, support and the TOOLS for dealing with this cruel disease. Many, many, many hugs to you. May you continue to inspire those you come in contact with in spreading that message of hope! We really can be happy whether the alcoholic is drinking or not. Love, Laurie A
Going to first meeting this afternoon, per my therapists recommendation. My mom was an alcoholic my entire life (I'm 55). Mom passed of breast cancer at 54. Been married to alcoholic for 30 years. One of our 27 year old twin boys has stated he's an alcoholic & continues to drink (this is heartbreaking). I can't take all this & am emotionally numb as a daughter, wife & mom. This lifetime isn't meant to be for me.
Lisa, similar. I’ve been toying with the idea of going to Al Anon for several months. I’ve been the child of an alcoholic for nearly 50 years and the wife of one for over 30 and now the mother of one. They are good and amazing people but I’m tired of it. I can’t fix them but maybe I can find some joy for myself.
@@dustymurdock9657 Ohh wow! So so many years of serving them all, definitely takes a toll. So hard to walk away. My 27 year old twin son's concern me now, more so than ever. One of them telling me/his alcoholic father that he know's he's an alcoholic. My other son is serving in the military & is currently in Germany (when he does drink it excessive). I didn't follow through with Al-Anon. Check out Irene Lyons on utube. She's opened my mind, in healing practices. Amazing, how you & I have such similarities.
Wow you guys are twins ! I have it on top (dad) to the side ( my now ex) other side (brother) and to the bottom ( son only child ) i get to have it all ! Thanking God is where I’m at in this now moment that I don’t have more ! It really is everywhere …. I guess God wouldn’t give me more than I can handle since He is in in charge anyways 💕🙏🏻💥✨
I was just blessed to be able to tell young lady who is love ones dealing with alcoholism. She needs to go to these meetings to anyone reading this. You can have a full active, vibrant life. Please don’t lose hope there’s so much help and support reach out for it you’re not alone. Blessings.
Your message was direct, clear, raw, real and extraordinarily helpful to me at this very moment . I am feeling so brutally hurt and devastated yet once again by this effed up addict who leads me on to think that he’s normal and then pulls the rug out from underneath me right at the moment when I need him the most !!!!!! my needs simply are not met and I keep getting tricked over and over and over. Its so pathetic. I liked what you said because its the truth - grieving someone who’s gone but who’s still physically there . Mind -f for sure.oh and yes my father was an alcoholic at an extreme level so I pick alchys for my partners likely because of my conditioning . Sheesh 😒
@@jenalgard1693 thanks for asking …. I finally went NO contact!!! 3 months now and its so much healthier for me !! Self love is occurring !!! ☝🏻✨🙏🏻I never went to a meeting - I moved 99 miles away . Its very hard and I cry all the time bec I miss him but reading this comment I wrote from a year ago and how much pain I was in is just what I needed to hear . What a God shot to wake up to!! I just miss the fantasy of how I want to remember it . It was a brutal existence a year ago ✨🙌🏼🥹
@@jenalgard1693 I am new in this area and there are some meetings but not nearly as many as LA where there were literally thousands ! I will have to research this more and I'll let you know. I know I need more support ~~deep connections too . Isolating can only go on for so long before you hit a new different kind of bottom .
My heart goes out to you🙏 and to your dad and brother. I’ve been sober for a year and a half in the program. I also am beginning to get into some Al anon meetings as alcoholism and addiction is rife in my family. It feels good to be in recovery and on the spiritual journey. Growth feels good. That’s what I hear you saying here. Blessings to you and your family. 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you for sharing ❤️. I went to my first al anon meeting last week. I also last my brother to this disease just last October. It’s a really rough journey.
Thank you you've helped tremendously so many people I went to Al-Anon for thirty-some years and I can't tell you how much it's helped me in my life through not just the alcoholism but also with so many other things in life thank you for your love and caring of other people God bless you
Thank you for sharing Jen! I'm in a play about an AA meeting and this really helped me get a perspective on what it might be like for my character's family.
Thank you so much for this video. I grew up the same way! Then continuously found the same man that had addiction issues and just cost so much pain. My hearts been reaching towards Al-Anon for sometime now and your video really help me so I thank you from the bottom of my heart
After an alcoholic father that I decided to take out of my life and now facing an ex boyfriend I finally decided to go to a meeting because it seems like nothing else work for me. I am to the point that I think I am crazy and this group is my only hope. After all research I have been doing this seems to be a good resource for help.
Pamela Moreira Al Anon is amazing!!! I’ve been going for 5 years. Amazing people. They told me to “keep coming back.” And kept saying to me “we love you. We’re going to love you until you can live yourself again.”
weisabunny I went and I felt good about it. I will keep going I definitely think I can benefit from what they teach there. I am happy it helped you. Thank you for sharing your experience.
stepheni hammer hey there :). Well, I have been through a few meetings! Short experience though. I am grateful I did it. After a few meetings I decided to cut contact with the addict 100%, I decided not to go to the meetings anymore and focus on my life and happiness and things I want to build. I have been good since then... emotionally too. I was super attached to that person and it was killing ( not his fault my fault). Now I am happy. Also, my alcoholic dad texted me last September my birthday and I answered with a word for the first time in years. Pretty good progress. I am happy and good here.
I am sorry about your suffering. thank you for sharing. Please remember since you discussing Alanon, that Tradition Eleven: "our public relations policy..... we NEED ALWAYS MAINTAIN PERSONAL ANONYMITY
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I want to give you a hug. I guess I'm lucky not having parents that drank, but I was the one who drank. I wasn't fall over, do stupid stuff drunk, but I always had a reason I could use a drink after work. I didn't go more than 6 days without a drink in 20 years. It didn't take much of an excuse to convince myself I needed one. In any case, my fitness goals are getting here as quickly as I'd like. I'm now 33 days sober and I'm not looking back. Best of luck to you.
@@jenalgard1693 I think it's 110 days sober now? Haven't had a drop. Down 15 lbs this year, cycling a lot. Currently looking outside to see if I'm gonna get caught in the rain if I go on a ride. Going strong, thanks!
I'm going through all this right now. Its definitely the toughest situation life has handed me yet. I dont consume alcohol as I see what it can do to someone. I havent reached out to any groups. I often feel like there's nothing else I can do but sit and watch.
WE ARE THE TRUTH TELLERS. Our JOB IS TO BE UNAFFECTED BY THE ENERGIES OF OTHERS. Tis a sad space at times. Right now i am trying to swim to the surface of my emotions. Only there can i get a glimpse of the bigger picture. And it is there, when internal balance is restored and I am in tune with HP that I find peace. This requires ruthlessly honest self awareness.
Thank you for this video Jen. Searching Al-Anon information as I realise i need some help in my relationship with my alcoholic boyfriend. I've always been suspicious of twelve step programs generally due to the spirituality aspect but I will give it a try and hopefully take what I need from the program
I was raised with a functioning alcoholic father who was a loved dentist! He was a mean drunk. Mom died at 44. Now my daughter is an alcoholic ! I did Al-Anon for 30 years. I detach in love! Have to always remember my steps!
@@fml5910 unbelievable!! Dad was a functioning alcoholic. Disease progresses! He had a booming practice! Everyone loved him! It ended when he was 60. Mom had died at 44. He remarried and 7 years later divorced him! He jumped off a bridge but did not die! In nursing home 23 years and died double amputee. Horrid disease and genetic too!
I went to an Al-anon meeting to explain what is addiction and to confirm my theory that liars fool liars. Liars reject the truth. Victimism runs in families. Partners of addicts act out the role of martyr, believe the addict is a victim and want others to believe the same. The tragedy of addiction is children who revenge a childhood hurt, or trauma, against their parents becoming victims of themselves so as to conceal the hatred to hurt others.
Thank you Jen. I am sitting here waiting to go to my first Al-Anon meeting. We r waiting for my daughter to get out of detox now. Your video gives me some encouragement. Thanks again. Patrick.
Being in a relationship with someone ACTIVE in their Flipped On Addiction switch is triickyaf. They have to come to know their triggers... Just as each of us has to know this about ourselves... Loving and constant attention given to the pain within... The pain within that is STEERING OUR LIFE. Emotions are like children, Kids,... You cant keep them in the trunk And you certainlly don't want to give them Steering Wheel Either.xo
Thank you so much for this post. I am basically a single mother with 4 kids under the age of twelve. The things my husband has done and things my children have seen breaks my heart. We are at a point I can’t let him in our house. If we visit it must be somewhere else. But I’m stuck and overwhelmed. I know my kids love and need him, but we never know what form of him we are going to see. I don’t know if how much damage his episodes are doing to my children. And I just don’t know what the hell im doing here. I can’t get out to go to a meeting since I’m always with my kids. But I’d love some resources or any wisdom I can get my hands on. Please any advice , insight, resources ANYTHING. I could really use the help.
Oooh this is hearbreaking … I am so glad you found some encouragement online . That is where I have found most of my deep inner strength connections -through the computer ! Who would have thought ! Keep going Momma ! There are many who are in your situation ! you are not alone - 💥🙏🏻✨💕
thank you for taking the time to make this video. i have a loved one who’s struggled with ongoing substance abuse. i think a group like this would be beneficial for me. i know you said that the group is more-so geared towards, the loved ones of alcoholics, but do you think the same principles apply to other drugs? are there groups like al anon, but for other substances??
I’m an alcoholic and I have a toddler daughter. I have an 11 year old son. I really want to know how it affects kids bc I am scared of my kids living without me like I did with my mom. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. Thank you for sharing!!!❤❤❤
Thank you so much for sharing. I've only recently begun learning about my roller coaster. I'd be really interested in your poem if you're willing ot share.
