How Gaming helped me survive. 

My shirt is from www.saintjavelin.com/ - proceeds from their sales go to support Ukraine! Слава Україні !

Glad you kept your head up and found joy in a time of darkness.

This game literally keeps a lot of us sane. Glad you're safe now. I hope this war ends soon.

I haven’t been through the same struggles as you, but I’ve been through other kinds of severe trauma in life and this is so relatable. Gaming has also been a source of home and community for me when neither of those could be found in the offline world. Thanks for sharing this

I living in Kyiv and all this time playing FFXIV,being there even afk is sooo powerful source of bravery and inner calm for me. People there,friends and this world in FFXIV - helping me a lot to cope all this time. All that you saying is so.... i just understand it and thank you you talking about it..thank you you so brave. This screenshot - its me and my friends and other people who just want to support... I still staying there in yellow and blue afk every day when I have electricity,and my friends with me from time to time 💙💛 I so grateful to all community of ffxiv!

Wow. That is heartbreaking. What my native country is doing to Ukraine is atrocious. It's beyond any reason and beyond humane. I think acknowledging this is the least I can do in this situation. I am overwhelmed with sorrow and horror for all losses and sufferings this war has brought. I also had to flee my home and I had to left my bunny(( It breaks my hearth every time my mother-in-law sends me pictures of her( And I can relate to the feeling of being stuck, not being able to reach out to people who are close. It's very touching what you say aboht games and their impact on your life. As a psychologist and psychotherapist I specialize on videogames, healthy and unhealthy gaming. And I couldn't agree more with what you are saying. Escapism is often claimed as something unhealthy. Well, it is not. Especially in unhealthy times like these. It becomes unhealthy only when you get stuck on either end of the spectrum, whether you cannot reach for help when it's crucial or you cannot stop getting attention when it's already over the top. Sending you my hugs, my support and my deepest sorrow. Love you Zep.

“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo. "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” Stay strong, Zepla. We love and support you. 💞 Не хилися, червона калино, маєш білий цвіт, Не журися, славна Україно, маєш вільний рід. А ми тую червону калину підіймемо, А ми нашу славну Україну, гей-гей, розвеселимо! А ми тую червону калину підіймемо, А ми нашу славну Україну, гей-гей, розвеселимо!

Thank you for taking the time to update us on everything going on. May you find peace in the next horizon and may your days begin to shine again soon. Keep your heart alight and over time, the way will open.

I'm so sorry you've been through all this. I was following the situation when this all started and was glad that you were safe. The mental toll you face is something I could never understand, but i appreciate you sharing it. The hardships you've been through, and the troublesome situations you find yourself in, are thankfully all temporary. I know I have nothing to provide you in comfort but i at least want you to understand that from my perspective you have handled it better than anyone could expect and you are going to do great through all this strife. Stay strong!

Watching your journey from a rather quiet town in Montana, This story is touching - and I can relate very much to it. Having something constant and accessible like gaming is amazing, especially when real life is such a whirlwind of change and also isolation. Having a few amazing RU-vidrs who I look forward to watching has also helped me a lot with the sense of remaining connected, and you are one of them. Very best wishes for the future, wherever the path leads. Cheers to fantasy... The real world would be quite a dull place without it!

I am just Happy your okay and safe. Buns forever!!!!

Really touching commentary on your experience and the stabilizing power of fantasy and play. Really really glad I listened to this video.

I cant even imagine the hell and horror you had to go through. Im just glad your safe and ok, and im sure a lot of us feel the exact same way.

I feel so much empathy for you. No words can express how much strength you have for standing up the the horrific tragedies your wonderful people have suffered through. Your bravery, honesty, and vulnerability make you the greatest hero I have ever listened to from a game streaming RU-vid search. I bow to you, and you inspire me.

I'm glad that you're safe, Zepla! Your video and words brought me back to all the times where gaming definitely helped pull me back from the brink. Multiple times (i still remember to this day doing delubrum reginae & feeling like a robot after my grandma passed cause it was the only thing i had that helped me escape). Stay safe and may you walk in the light of the crystal :)

I just found your channel and I am very impressed with who you are as a person and the things that you have gone through I respect that you're able to talk about it you're so openly in front of all of us and share your stories. I'm retired army I did 5 deployments overseas and so I know how ugly and disgusting war can be I'm so glad that you're safe and that we have something in common that helped us get through what we need to get through in our lives

I know things have been rough for you lately and I am truly sorry to hear that. I have to thank you for even making videos at first it was about final fantasy but it has honestly became much more that that listening to your story is uplifting how you have been through so much and still managed to be your happy self more often than not. I have been in a bit of a rough patch and watching this video today really took me out of that slump it cleared the fog or lit that spark that I needed a lot of your videos honestly help thank you

I've only recently subscribed over the last 5 months and I've just been going through your videos I never realised you had been going through so much I'm glad you're out the other side and happy and safe I've been going through a lot myself nowhere near as vouchers you but gaming has helped so thank you for releasing this it gives hope and you are proof that things really do get better so thank you very very much appreciated ❤

I can also relate, as FFXIV was one of the games that helped me get out of depression last holiday season. (Darn you for the emotional damage, Endwalker!) So happy you're safe, Zepla, and I do hope the war can end soon.

So glad to know ur ok :) and glad your in a place that's safe. Just keep your head up and it will all be ok in the end. We are here for you if you ever need any of us!

Happy that you're safe and sound now, as someone that's relied on gaming for 20+ years to make it through really hard times, I can relate with the sentiment.

WE all appricate you for giving us that moment of forgetting things, even my personal problems arent much compared to what you went through. But i couldnt express how much im thankfull for giving us the opportunity to be a part of your gaming expierence. And what you have been through just is a fresh reminder that ,we all are humans,we need to accept each other way more and that too much hate is still out in this world.

Zepla the part about wanting to meet your friend you do raids with but couldn’t.. I can totally relate to that. I had two tough years for different reasons. There are a lot of people I want to meet again but I can because my head is so full.

I'm so sorry that you had to go through such a tramatic event in your life. Nobody should ever have to wonder where they were going to rest or get their next meal.

I can only imagine the fear and the struggle you have been facing this past year! I am so glad you have found a safe place to live now for you and your family to be safe!!

I cant begin to imagine what you've been through but you're a true warrior. I started playing FFXIV because of you. And decided to start making vods and streaming because of you (starting in 2 weeks). You're an inspiration, not just for your gaming but also for the strong woman you are. Keep on keepin' on...we love you Bun Queen!

I love this video my dear I really do, gaming has helped me survive many things but yours is definitely rough and I commend you for sharing this story! Very brave, alot of ppl don't feel comfortable sharing their gaming passions cuz we as adults often get looked down on for regular gaming. Thankyou for sharing you got my subscription girl be safe 🙏

You were truly powerful in soul to get through all of this and still retain your own sense of self. Not being facetious, i was truly inspired, Venat-like resilience.

You are incredibly awesome! Your strength and fortitude that is carrying you through these difficult times sets a great example for others to follow! I will keep you in my daily thoughts and prayers and look forward to your next post when you are able.

I am just happy you are safe and still capable of finding joy. You are a sweet person and deserve all the good that comes to you. Also your pets are so lucky to have such a caring mom

Glad to hear you're finding your footing and that you didn't wind up a casualty of an incredibly unjust war. Keep your head up and continue to strive to be the best you. Always move forward and try not to dwell on things beyond your control. Best wishes!

Welcome back and hope you continue to find your peace, stability, and happiness! Don't feel like you need perfectly planned content to continue posting - we all understand and are here for you

Dang. It’s good to know you came out of all that strong, and keep being strong it’s always better to keep moving forward! Wish you best luck! 🍀😣 ☀️

thank you for staying strong! you are more than just a spark! you keep us alight with your determination. I think I can speak for everyone in saying we are proud of you!

All the feels. Hugs for everyone who made it through.

I am so sorry you had to go through this, I'm so, so sorry. I don't even know your stream or who you are, but my friend linked this video in our discord and I'm just so proud of you for surviving. You're amazing. Thank you for sharing.

Glad you did what you could to keep your head up!! I cant imagine how terrible this time has been. All I can say is keep fighting because you are the true warrior of light!!

Happy to hear that you're safe now. Just keep gaming and stay healthy!

All the hug emotes. ;_; I'm so glad you're safe and are able to start healing from this horrible situation. I'm also glad that gaming was a refuge for your mind and heart during this incredibly difficult time. It really can make all the difference.

So happy to hear an update from you Zepla! I'm glad you're safe and well. I really feel the strongest urge to give you a hug and I hope you can feel that energy making it trough to you somehow. We will always be here for you

so glad you are still streaming, Zepla.. and even more glad that you are safe.. you ROCK!!

You’ve spent so many years being a light and the epitome of happiness for so many people that love and care for you. This cloud of darkness that’s followed you is certainly the hardest quest you’ve ever had to complete, but isn’t it amazing that you’ve still come out as the warrior of light? Thank you for all that you are, always thinking of you and yours. 💙

Thank you for this. I have often wondered if there was a positive real world benefit of the seemingly meaningless struggles and triumphs we share in gaming. What you shared proves the benefit of hope and positive outcomes even if they are in a fantasy game. I have always felt that fantasy gaming is a more 3 dimensional extension of the fantasy and sci-if books that I grew up reading and they were always a positive escape from teenage life. ❤

I've only recently discovered your channel and your videos have helped me a lot as a new FFXIV sprout. Thank you and my heart breaks for you and your country. I'm sorry that you are going through all of this. I hope this war ends soon. Much love.

so much love Zepla, you bring us so much joy that you deserve the best!

So glad to hear you are safe and working on positive things and looking after yourself. Wishing you all the best. Keep hold of that spark warrior of light.

Games are stories, and stories help remind of us of the good things in life that make living worth it.

Am glad u was able to pull tho it all you are awesome stay strong you are strong keep up the good work u got me tho the hard times wish i cud help u in the dark times thanks for everything stay strong

I can only imagine how much you and so many others must feel during all of this. Even just a glimmer of hope in these dark times means so much, and I hope you hold onto it. As we have been told, Forge Ahead. We're with you every step of the way Zepla! you're in our thoughts

We love you and we're glad you're back!

I hope your journey will have a lighter turn in the future. You’re strength to keep going will lead you to a better place.

Your video brought me to tears because I identified with your feelings so much. I've been fortunate to have never fled a war, but 2019 was the worst year of my life. I had been teaching English in Japan for years when I found out my mom had terminal cancer. I left everything behind in Japan and moved twice in one month to care for her. I did my best as her primary caregiver until she passed away in 2020 even though I already felt like my life was over. But also soon afterwards, I finally, horribly, had enough time to start FFXIV. I remember Bozja had just dropped and I had no idea what it was. XIV gave me something to hold onto, catching up with MSQ a goal I could strive towards, and it also became a sorely needed vehicle for social interaction. It saved me in a lot of ways. You're not alone in grief and in finding refuge in the constancy of this game. I'm sending you the biggest virtual hugs

I only just discovered you a week or so ago after returning to FFXIV after 4 years being gone. I’m sorry to hear about all of this and am glad you’re still around! Take care and I will be looking forward to your future videos and the past videos I still have to watch :)

So so so glad you're safe and okay! Take all the time you need. ❤️

I recently found your channel and I’m so sorry 😢 ❤ you’re an incredible person and please stay safe !

Love for you Zep. Stay stong!

❤ Time will help. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to go through something like that. Take good care of yourself and keep in mind whatever you’re grateful for. Lots of people and myself wish you good health and happiness. 🌷

Omg I love that they dressed up in yellow and red for you that's so amazing! 💜 🥺

Heyo, you're so strong to live and found some evasion door with games even bad things that happen atm in your countryw it's very important to keep living on those hard days, living with your passion for gaming and friends are the most important and you have them, I just want to say to not lose hope the situation will be better in the future I'm sure of it ! I love you don't give up your good vibes ❤️

You're a much stronger and braver person than I could ever hope to be, Zepla. Thank you and know that I wish you and your family nothing but the best.

I'm glad you found your Hydaelyn to light your way through such a dark time

Zep, I can relate. I did five years in the US Navy in submarines. Games got me through two deployments and helped me stay level. Very proud of you for your resilience and use of games for a positive way to cope.

I've been dealing with extremely stressing stuff this week because of a note of eviction we got at my house that is forcing us to move unless we pay the new rent which is triple the price. I live in a third world country, so it's extremely rough, and today i had my worst breakdown, i ended up rushing through the windows and all my torso was outside of it but my aunt pulled me back, and the only reason that ive been able to deal with all this depression and anxiety aside of today, were my XIV mates that literally changed my life years ago when I met them while progging p5s. It's really good to see you back, and hope you can have some very deserved, stress free rest that you earned, and I really hope your pet is allright after the rough ride it had

Appreciate the video Zepla! I agree that gaming can help escape the harshness of reality as it has done so also for me. I wish you all the best and be safe!

i can relate but because of depression. keep fighting on and don't give up yeah!

I love hearing your voice and you’ve helped me become better in what made me happy. (FFXIV). I will always wish for you to have the best in life. Thank you and bless your heart.

Hope you are doing well Zepla! glad you are safe

So glad you’re safe So sorry you had to be ripped from your home due to this war :( This game has an amazing community and also so immersive in getting lost in the story to keep our minds away from other things. I hope one day to meet you in the game! I’m in Cactaur (before you know who joined lol!) Sending love! Kali X

I love the NAFO shirt! :P Keep up hope, Zep. Godspeed.

Hi Zipla! I've watched your stream on and off from years before these terrible atrocities had occurred. Im incredibly happy to hear your story, and to know that you have persevered through this time. It pains me to know there any many that have not be as fortunate, but you have brought so much love and support to your community, and by extension, others who have dealt with difficulties, whether as a result from this war, or from their own, personal troubles. Keep being the most authentic person that you are. You are loved and appreciated.

I'm glad you kept on streaming more often. I didn't watch anyone if they stream longer😆

FF XiV is subscription based therapy, still thankful to you for getting me on this game. I wish you all the best

Lots of love and good vibes! (And not idly do the leaves of Lorien fall! So don't falter!)

I saw the video when I opened RU-vid and just hugged my phone with the thumbnail. Haven't even watched it yet but have a hug. 🤗

Not sure if I would be alive today without gaming. Love 💗

Welcome back to the States! Airports aside, you will love the rest of the Pacific Northwest and it’s outside beauty. Glad your pursuing GW2 and becoming a three MMORPG streamer. It always gives you something to talk about, something to do.

All the best to you Zepla. Hopefully the war will end as soon as possible.

Gaming and watching series/movies can help a LOT. For me too always helped in hard times... and still does... we are glad to hear more about you and we are glad that you are okay and keeping together! I wish the very best for you Zepla ! The buns are here for you ! Gamers can be a great community mosty in FF14. ''Tales of loss and fire and faith. Every word on our hearts engraved. In the dark, you will not stray.''

Glad to see you are safe 😊

Zepla.. Thanks for sharing this one... (From my first history book as small child: Humans learned to survive, because they learned to work in groups.. which nowadays.. can also be located in Eorzea.. )

I hope you find everything you need and more. Bad things happen to good people be safe.

_Us in the gaming community, I know we have our moments when we fight over petty stuff, but I'm filled with determination when something horrible happens to one of us, we all band together in solidarity in a way that no other community can. Us gamers play what we play, not for Game Over, but for what we take away._

We are always here for you Zepla, just like you have been here for us over the years! You are part of the FFXIV Family always! I am glad you & yours have made it to safety! Much love & blessings to you & yours for a wonderful 2023! ;)

I have autism so i feel the exact same. I wouldve been more worried about protecting my loved ones than my own sanity though...because im the big brother and thats kinda part of my role. But im glad you were able to have that in such a hard time.

know you have had it hard so understandble of having a good day to a bad day but In all You have done extremely well, Your still here alive sharing your moments, telling your experiences adn In all of it You Got to have your fur babies with you wich I know they also help you with Your emotions daily too. Not everyoen has been in a situation as ou have but You Here able to tell your tale and You done great girl.

I just want to say, you give me the strength to keep going. I appreciate you.

You got this Zep! Thanks and keep fighting the good fight!

Great to see you're safe. :)

I'm so glad to hear from you again and hear that you're somewhere safe. You've made it through so much, and while handicapped by your own brain! I hope that FFXIV is able to be "just" a game for you again soon.

to find joy, even as darkness descends, and amidst deepest despair, light everlasting.... i wish you all the best zepla, war is hell.

Тримайся). Маємо триматись, Україна переможе! Привіт із Києва, якраз з боку Ірпеня та Бучі... Від самого початку війни був, і зараз є, у місті - прийшов за місцем прописки, з батьками пенсіонерами та зібраним рюкзаком. Були тижні коли по вулицям Борщагівки тільки собаки бігали, людей зовсім не було. Прилітало поруч, будинок двигтів, чутно було багато чого. Добре, що в тебе такого досвіду не було. Не кажучи вже про те, що відбувалось у Бучі та інших місцях. Ірпінь та Буча - міста-герої. Коли вигнали мерзоту, і дійшла інформація про те, що там відбувалось... Як там і кого шукали. В мене батько пенсіонер МВС, з повною колекцією творів Шевченка, патріотичної літератури й т.д. Мене мутило декілька днів від розуміння того, що Буча, Ірпінь та Сили Оборони врятували нас від потенційно страшної смерті. Якщо є можливість, то поки не повертайся. Але якось обов'язково! Як буде перемога України). Бережи себе! P.S.: іноді заходжу в WoW, так - це допомагає).

My sincere condolences and glad you are better

In sociology, there's a concept called Sence of Coherence (SOC), which was established by a researcher who interviewed holocaust survivors to try to learn why especially female survivors had, relatively speaking, good mental health. I think that concept can very much be applied to gaming as well. Having a good SOC is based on three factors, Comprehensibility (undestanding your current position), Manageability (having the tools to deal with obstacles) and Meaningfulness (making sense of your greater context and what motivates you to keep going). Gaming helps you set manageable goals, provide you with clear tools, and (ideally) build a social context that can give you motivation. Games can be therapy. 100%

Since I was a child I wanted to be a game dev so I could create experiences that people could gain solace from during tumultuous times. While I was growing up in foster care my life felt like chaos and WoW gave me a rock of stability that I desperately needed. I'm glad you were able to find your own rock in FFXIV and your streams.

They better go get those ear pods that's crazy

I totally get it, Zepla. In 1997 we moved for my husband's job and I lost my friends and had an instant empty nest as my older daughter went away to college. The game I was playing at the time saved my sanity.

I just found your channel randomly like 3 weeks ago and have been binging all your reactions and videos. You’re a lovely personality who makes me laugh ever since I found your vids.

Wish I could give this a Heart and a Hug react instead of just a like. You are doing amazing, and are so much stronger than you think, and your friends, family and fans will always support you doing what is right for your health and your safety. The ability to be upfront and honest about how you are doing in your personal life and mental health, and be publically open about that with your community, you have no idea how much that means to people. And how many people needed to hear your story, and needed to relate to it, thank you for sharing with us. And letting everyone be a part of your story. You are so incredibly brave it is inspiring, and I wish that your 2023 becomes the best year of your life and that everything goes well for you

The trials of life that we overcome only prove to make us stronger.

Zepla you are the reason I started to play FFXIV and it changed my everyday life. For that I will forever be grateful to you and I hope that one day you'll feel whole again 💕