My first marriage failed because I chose my athletic career over my wife...I suppose when you look back you criticize yourself for being overweight...I look back and realize i was a jerk. Many years later, I'm slower but as ambitious as my age and situation allows.. These days I make it work well with my new partner. I agree with everything you said in this frank video, and as you can tell by the comments, your frankness is appreciated. Carefully managed selfishness is the key.
I’m a widower now so I have no relationship compromises to make, however my wife was always very supportive of all my training. All the running, swimming and gym work were fitted in around our life together, the mountaineering was a different story and required a bit more compromise from both of us. Her only issue was with the cash I blew on the copious amounts of gear I “needed”. How did I get round this? I almost always bought new big ticket items the same colour as the old stuff, it would be a while before she’d notice, by which time I could claim “Oh, I’ve had that for ages”, in a casual manner.
I used to obsess about golf because with a worn out hip it was about the only thing ( along with cycling ) that my body could cope with. Now nearly six years on I am playing decent golf and am back running. Life is good again (thank you NHS) Doing a 50 k in June too. You have to be slightly selfish but I agree you can plan it around your life. Our kids are adults and gone so in the summer at least I obsess about me while sh obsesses about the garden. It works well for both of us
Man I am so thankful I found your channel! I love it! Keep up the great work. You motivated me to climb Alpe Du Zwift for the very first time yesterday... I did it in 78 minutes! I'm 100 Kg as well. No easy task for us husky riders and weekend warriors. I have been battling weight and depression and a mid life crisis compounded by major muscle injuries. You have have sparked my motivation again! I owe you. Thank you Mark!
I'm lucky to have a partner who is overly supportive of my nonsense. Between Spartan races, ultra endurance running & cycling, she even supported me Everesting on Christmas day last year. I think that level of support is half of the balance battle. Think I'm going to buzz her the now and remind her how much I appreciate her...!
This is exactly how I look at it... totally agree! I often get people think I spend all my time riding my bike (from social media) but the reality is that I also have a full time job, family and social life but I prioritse time for me both my physical and mental health and be a better person to be around. Thankfully my wife, family and work understand.
This. I do two videos a week and people think it's wall to wall training.......I still have to hang a shelf now and then or walk the dogs or just get some "real" job done!
I completely agree. Hitting 50 (now 53) endows one with clarity - to see what counts and what is important. Kids have gone, job less interesting etc etc BUT the amazing freedom to devote time to your body and health. I’ve never felt more alive and fitter and enjoy training daily.
Found your Channel recently. What a breath of fresh air. Very relatable with a great balance of science, common sense, humbleness and most importantly humour. I’m always telling my partner to be more selfish when it comes to her health & exercise (which is important to her).. With 2 young children she often feels unnecessarily guilty taking time out. I have no such issues 🙂. I tell her to be more selfish (like me ) to put herself first sometimes. Who do the kids want for the rest of the day… happy mum who’s had her 10-20 km run endorphin hit, or moody mum who begrudges she hasn’t. I say that been exactly the same myself. The main point is that with a bit of planning it very doable. We also do the family thing with buggy runs, family recovery walks etc.
For me the most important part of training ... manage time efficiently so i don't neglect family time. This topic is rarely spoken about, great video 🙏👏
This is great advice! Was going to suggest 'Sustainable' as the second S. Being Selfish, Efficient and Making it Count is tiring so finding a balance that avoids burnout is important (That may be burnout on any of the spinning plates, mind. Love the videos!
Agree 100%. My partner used to be pissed off when I trained for my 1st ever triathlon, IM Cairns 70.3. I was "selfish" that time because I knew this training makes me feel happy and focus on something. That gives us a great reason to fly and visit Cairns, Australia around race week and we had a blast together traveling. I get her to be a volunteer for my 1st full IM. Even without doing any sports what so ever, she loves it and get hooked supporting the athletes and feel part of the IRONMAN community now. She's volunteering now every year and looking for my next IRONMAN. Yesterday, To get my run done, before going to work, I woke up at 4:30 and jumped on my trainer for my 1h workout after work. Just after, I invited her to have a burger and beers in our local pub and we had a great time. Following that protocol, makes me more efficient, having great training in a tight schedule , spending more quality time with my partner, stay positive even after a average day at work. Stay fit and focus on a goal, makes me a better person and I think a better partner because it makes me feel happy and alive🙂👍
Great video. It can definitely be difficult to fit everything in even for single-sport athletes, let alone multi sport athletes like triathletes. Endurance sports like cycling are especially “expensive” in time commitment. I guess the important thing is to be clear about is making sure that time spent with family and friends is “quality” if there’s less of it. I think part of that is making sure that time together is spent at key times that allow real connection (talks over a meal, not just sat silently watching tv together) and also is positive and memorable where possible (trips to the beach etc).
Such a great message about being selfish. I was exercising more regularly several months ago and got burned out. Your message makes so much sense! I have to fix and improve the body I have!! Thanks as ALWAYS for the motivational jump start!!
Hey Mark, you are now my favorite fitness youtuber, love the content and hilarious one liners and movie references and the like. Solid reviews that are honest and enjoyable. I feel a connection with you because I too am older and picked up running and cycling and Spartan racing, trail running. I also tried out and fell in love with Crossfit and am wondering if you’ve given it a try, would love to see a video from you on it, and ways to be above average at Crossfit (which means being above average at LOTS of things (gymnastics, cardio, olympic lifts).
Never done cross fit and certainly keen to try it - a lot of the body weight stuff will be tough (there's a reason there are no tall crossfitters at the top end!) On my list for 2022! And thanks for the positive feedback - always great to get👍
I remember being a lump on the couch at 40 with a resting heart rate of 110 bpm and thinking if I don't do something I wont see 50. Plus I was quite certain I was not funny enough to keep my wife interested if I continued look like an albino Jaba the Hutt. Most of what you said is how we have maintained our balance during my journey over the last decade, plus it helps that my wife is a photographer so our weekends are filled with the 1st S and the C. Running joke is my husband is a cyclist and I am a photographer so we see each other in December. I guess the only part of your SECS manual that is different is the last S. For my wife it stands for SCRAM, because there are days she knows its better for me (mostly her) to be outside riding. Good stuff.
Hi Mark, ive just stumbled across your channel by accident, now subscribed, loving the content. Great inspiration for an out of shape 41yr old. Appreciate your videos
I’m a married father of three (3, 9 and 13) and a business owner (consultancy firm). This alone gives me about zero free time. But instead I get 5-6 workouts in every week and I’ve been consistent since I was 17 (41 today). The secret? I do all my workouts at night which is not optimal, but not optimal beats nothing every time.
SECS 100% true. You need to have the goal and drive to do it. I used to get up an hour early so I could do Archery on the way to work. This way it had no impact on family live. Also getting most out of your day - as efficient as possible - is important. Sometime I get really annoyed if people are wasting my time. When I do something I want it done right. Love your content, it's way above average - keep it coming.
Good summary…something I particularly agree with in there…I’ve found it’s far too easy for people with kids to use the old ‘I’d love I be fit and look after myself but just no time now because of the kids’…that is of course rubbish, I’ve been at my overall fittest over the past 10 years or so with now 12 year old twins…if someone wants to be fit there is always a way…👍
But don’t forget the part where he said you need to adjust expectations if you have little kids, a tough job, or an unsupportive spouse. Everyone’s situation is different, but let’s do what we can with our unique circumstances.
Great message man. A lot of your videos I can relate with maybe because I’m forty and have a 2 year’s old and I neglected my body until he was born. Thanks and stay on the path brother!
Excellent video Mark…. I found your channel through the Fenix 7 videos. I’ll be 46 this year, been working hard at getting back in shape and I appreciate your content. Thx from Ontario, Canada 🙏
Every coach wants the kids there 30min before the game. That's a 5k before the game, and an hour watching the game for recovery. And if you're running late for the game then you got to get your 5k time down ;-) Similarly while they're at training, go jogging around the oval instead of sitting in the car on your phone. Makes a world of difference.
Since I'm moving out of my parent's home in the next couple of months, this video was a piece of good advice for me! It's all about priorities, planning, and efficiency when you live a busy life.
The key point at the start, everyone’s lives are different so peoples priorities are different. My other half has some fairly serious health issues so leaves her exhausted a lot of time, so I prioritise my weekends to look after my step son so she can rest. This often means I’ll spend my Saturday and Sunday evenings going for long runs or hours on Zwift (in the winter). Now I could spend that time relaxing, drinking and eating. But I choose to get my training in. There’s a certain mindset you have to have. If you really want to train, then you will find the time to do it.
Question for you is how do you deal with training in the winter. I find that it's the one season that my body hates. Cold air playing havoc on my respiratory system and then the shorter days making it hard to motivate yourself.
I want to do a video on this but I'm struggling to find the time. I agree with your point. This is why I said some serious goals/challenges in November and December so that I have something to train for. Hitting January in poor shape he's a guaranteed way of making the first half of the following year tougher than it needs to be. I will try and get something up soon.
What a cracking video! It really puts things into perspective, especially the selfish element. Being selfish makes you a better partner, father, friend etc to the people that matter. Thanks Mark 👍🏻
My situation might be different than yours, but you seriously helped me seeing things in a different way! As an ex-athlete about a decade back, I struggled finding a target if it wasn't about winning. So f****g messed up, right? It's been a while since I've stopped smoking and drinking (still eating donuts) and even though I can see my motorcycle riding as a hobby because "I am too old" and "don't have enough money" to race , I couldn't do the same with training! Thank you Mark!
Great to hear this bud ,iam a busy dad of four ,love biking and going to gym 💪, and sometimes feel guilty for going out on bike or to gym when I've been working a lot , I try and get out before they get up but sometimes it's hard to fit it in
Well done Mark on the life/health balance pod. So true, and it's made me do a self-check. I'm normally good at finding the balance, but your comments help reinforce my lifestyle!
Mark - legend. Love the videos and bonus points for comments, especially to the gent below who suffered the loss of his wife. Respect. Great videos you enjoy all the success. I’m divorced for the reasons that I did t have a supportive wife. Shame. Keep up the great work.
As someone who's been divorced myself - I always remember a Louis CK story he would tell about how people would say "sorry, thats a shame" when they heard he was getting divorced..... And he would say "no.....it's fine. I will be better off (as will she) no one ever leaves a good marriage". Helped me...... "thats a pity" needs to be reserved for those people who are NOT divorced but should be 😂. Oh...and the guy who lost his wife - that attitude of "she was perfect" and yet still realising that you are an individual that goes on alone, achieving and growing and living is amazing. Too many people get hung up on the idea that they are swallowed into being noting more than parent/partner/etc .... and then left wondering what to do when they aren't that any more because the kids leave home, or they get divorced, or someone passes on. I like the idea of me being a happy individual (as is my wife/kids) and, right now, we are happy individuals together - for as long as that lasts. It makes the whole think about finding time for yourself easier and makes you better while you are with them....and beyond. (wow....that was a video script 😂😂😂)
I'm glad I discovered your channel I'm in the progress of setting my life better and you make some really good points. I consider myself one of those over worker, but i see it hasn't bring me the happiness and the "success" i want so i need to be better at what i want. Prioritising defining bonduaries and do useful things that then make me want to spend quality time with people. Great content, some can say it's common sense but i didn't find common sense a lot around, so great to hear, love from Italy.
Best video yet. It's really got me thinking how selfish I was in my relationship and probably why now I've moved out the house 😞. But watching this can 100% help anyone. I will definitely be looking to change my ways for the better. Nice one mate 💪💪💪
Life is too short to do anything other than work out the mistakes made, correct, and move on better. If I spent a lot of time looking back I'd go insane at how daft I was in the past 😂
I don't think there is a triathlete out there who doesn't realise at least in some way that it is a very lonely and selfish sport to train for. Much like you I'm very fortunate to have a partner who is extremely supportive of my endeavours however I've always struggled with the selfishness of it. Your views on it have helped greatly in changing my mind about why it's a good thing to do. Now all I have to do is try and get my organisational skills improved!! Great Video chunkytfg aka Churchill Woodcraft.
Doing something active while the kids are at their activities got me in to swimming and running. Most other parents sat in their cars playing with their phones. Just baffles me
Above average, as always. I love the humility of admitting that there are days where it all goes out the window. Even though my youngest is 2 now, I still feel like I'm new to this and struggle to figure out the balance of family, work, house, and self. One day, perhaps when the guide to above average secs and parenting is released.
I was fortunate that for many years my wife and I shared the hobby of dinghy racing in a 2 man skiff which meant we spent every weekend together racing locally and away at championships. I was at the time also a reasonably competitive cyclist so spent a lot of time riding my bike as well. We no longer sail and I also no longer race apart from the odd one on zwift. I liked this video as a lot of it rang true about the being selfish but with reason. The only thing I would add is that your reason doesn't have to be an upcoming race. In my case I cycle just for the pleasure but also for the slightly selfish 'me' time' to clear the stress that work and life sometimes brings and that actually a lot of people probably need. My wife gets that if I say I'm going for a quick ride that I could be gone for an hour but could also be gone for 5 or 6 hours depending on how I feel. Likewise she might say she is going shopping and she may be gone for an hour or many hours. My wife is 65 next year but still enjoys cycling as well so most Sunday mornings she will say can we go for a bike ride which means a pretty slow ride for an hour on the mountain bike compared to what I might go and do on my road bike. For me that is cool. Be selfish but in moderation I think is the key. If you have a partner that shares even a bit of your hobby then you have a good un. I can't admit to sharing her love of shopping though. Lol
My mates and I hit tennis 7-9a on the weekends so we are back home before the wives and kids are even awake. My other life parameters were failing so I focused on the one thing I had control over: my body.
Good video as always, I was thinking about grabbing some biscuits but after the owning your body bit I think I'll give them a pass. My younger brother did the Spartan Beast Wales too and was still suffering for it on Monday, he said it was the toughest obstacle race he's done.
Cheers Mark. Great video and I've really enjoyed going through some of your other content. There will be loads of people can take something from this. Top stuff as usual and not sure if it was meant to be but I found it quite inspirational. Thanks again 👍.
Super video Mark(as always) . So Honest. Of course we all do fitness for ourselves , great to get that out. My wife will sometime complain if I have been a couple of hours on the bike or treadmill and not doing jobs around the house . But she certainly would have more to comment if was 3 stone overweight and a Death risk. Interesting to see if your wife feels under pressure fitness wise from you ?
Great (and funny!) video as always! You're really an inspiration that motivates me to become above average. Have you ever thought about selling T-shirts or towels with your best one-liners and or slogan on them? An "Above Average" sweatband or a "Becoming above average by being more secsy" T-shirt 😁
I fully realise that my job and overall lifestyle is really killing me. My workplace is such an unhealthy place to be and the stresses that go along with that will most likely do me in. My biggest issue is that I can't see a way out of it without going into poverty.....or perhaps I just don't have the mental fortitude that I need to claw my way up from the abyss.....
Ahh I was hoping to see a video of the Spartan. I did the Super and the course was insane because of the mud 😂 good introduction to my first ever obstacle race
I always find it funny when people are shocked by the 5am gym sessions. If you can get out before anyone else in the house is awake they don't miss you. Shame cycling is so dependent on daylight, it just means more winters in the gym.
