How Many Children to Have | Dave Rubin & Jordan B Peterson 

I have 6 kids and I absolutely see this play out. I often feel bad for the older ones who got so much individual attention from me and I feel happy for the kids 3, 4, 5, and 6 because I feel like they were "saved" from my meddling in a way. Once we had 3 kids, they all just wanted to be in the same room with each other and I went from entertaining kids up in my face for the last 4 years 100% of my day (which drove me absolutely crazy) to them all wanting to be in the toy room together and sitting silently by myself for a few minutes (with them in earshot, of course). Now, having a gaggle of 5 running around helping each other (yes, fighting, but that's what I'm there for) and a newborn means that the newborn gets what she needs and the older kiddos lives are relatively undisrupted by a new baby - their life is stable and happy, with lots of joy to relish in a newborn sibling's smiles. I am so grateful for not stopping when I felt overwhelmed with 2-3 kids. Instead I asked for *help* of everyone and anyone of good will who would help me. We got through it and now I'm seeing the incredible gift a larger family has to offer both myself and the community at large.

I have 4 kids, 2 girls and 2 boys. Plus a great husband. A big family is loud, busy, crazy, but sooo much fun. I stayed home and I do not regret a second. Life is about choices. Sure a "career" and some more money would have been nice, BUT now I get to have lots of grandchildren. I now have my first grand baby. I get want Dr. Peterson is saying, babies are what life is all about. Money can't buy that experience, it can't buy love.

I am an only child who was raised with cousins close in age, so I never missed not having siblings. I think only children are just fine as long as parents socialize them often with other children.

Yeah, 15 seems optimal.

Last year I got a ride to the airport by an Uber driver who has 11 children (all from the same wife). They live in Vancouver (one of the most expensive cities in the world) and still they manage. He also said he comes from a family of 29 children. That's right - he has 28 siblings and all from the same mom and dad! He moved to Canada from a Somali village where the population is around 300 people and they are all related. When a man in the village takes a spouse from another village, she moves to the man's village. He was such an awesome guy and I gave him a 100% tip :))

For me at least 3 fuckers running around my after my mid thirties but I'm not gonna start popping kids out until I get my shit together and tamed my insecurities

Churchill said 4 is the right number. "One for mommy, one for daddy, one for accidents, and one for increase."

Having 3 all in one go! ☺

I would like to warn to newer parents that if you intend to have more than one child, be wary if one starts to exhibit toxic behavior towards the other. Though what Jordan mentioned in this video is true, it can of course have the opposite effect when a toxic personality is thrown into the mix. My older sister is a Malignant Narcissist, and you can probably imagine it didn't do much good for my social development.

I want 5. The future Mrs. wants 5. Pretty excited. Should be a grand ol time.

I have 2 siblings; which seems the most common number In my social groups. For the chronicling of actual events having a third party seems to keep the whole trio more honest and in my opinion keep things within a set of boundaries, so to speak.

Kids are massively expensive. That being said, my parents have three, and there's such a vast difference in age between us that we have little in common and I don't feel close to them. So I feel in many ways like an only.

Four ankle biters is perfect. One for each ankle.

In order to have more than one child you have to have a big enough heart to share that love. I can’t. I give all my love to my one son. It’s really hard for me and my pregnancy and after pregnancy was absolutely horrific. If I could I would have one or two more. But I can’t afford, mentally physically or literally to do so. Am happily married with a son.

Thanks for this!

When you work in early childhood, you can spot the only child in a heartbeat. It’s usually the child that has a harder time sharing toys and attention. They want to be 1st for everything too and often have meltdowns if they are not. In big families, the dynamics can vary. The last kid of a big family can bully the younger friends the way the older siblings bully them at home, is usually more delayed in expressive language and misbehave to seek attention from the caregivers. The parents are sometimes older and tired and the oldest, especially if it’s a girl, often ends up doing most of the caregiving and it shows. The ones in the middle can feel invisible and can have learning or health issues that are overlooked.

I’m an only child, I grew up in a tiny family, I realised at an older age just how weird I was, I want children but will never have only 1 it’s cruel on the child

My mother always says "one is less, two is to much"

my dad has 7 siblings, they actually don’t get along because of inheritance problems, quite common in India and around the world I suppose. So among these kids the 2 females weren’t educated due to economic constraints, 2 males dropped out of school, 2 males graduated but couldn’t have successful careers, 2 males graduated and had a successful and stable career (my dad is in this category) Similarly my granny had 7 siblings - 3 females uneducated, 2 males graduated with a stable career, 1 male dropped out, 2 males graduated but no good career. Pls check how much resources you have and then reproduce accordingly. This is an unfair world and sometimes a cruel world too, so be careful with your decisions, sometimes your child may need an additional push from your side and giving that push at the right time can change their life entirely.

I only want to have children if i can do it like frogs, have 5000 at once and then abandon them all

Siblings are great when they are close in adult life. Siblings who fight are awful.

As many as can be provided for, including music lessons or other activities, college/university program, separate bedrooms, parents' own savings for retirement life.

what about the studies that show only childre score better in autonomy and initiative.The most reliable findings were the differences in mean scores between only-child families and families with five or more children. Only-children scored higher in trust, autonomy, initiative, industry, and identity (Mellor, 1990). He is saying two is good cause he got two. lol ...and he is really omitting the fact that kids can be playing with other kids in daily basis without having siblings. I, for example, grew up playing and often sleeping over with a kid that was 1 year younger and was the son of my parents best friends. only children are best: they learn to love other people outside family bonds as much as family....isn´t this pretty much what humanity should learn to do?

I don't care about decrease of population or what not...One child is sufficient for me. In this day and age, a child is becoming more and more difficult especially in countries where cost of living is extremely high and salaries can't hardly make it

Studies don’t support his claims: according to the data, onlies are pretty much like everyone else, no less happy, with no less friends, no more depressed etc. than those who have siblings

Wow the oracle of life speaks

Love it. Grew up as 1. Hate not having siblings. It’s hard to make friends in adulthood, and having siblings would have been really nice for psychological health, imho. Not like I am a psycho, but it would have been nice to talk about your life and challenges to your siblings. I thank God I have many cousins though, they all live in different countries, but talking to them makes me happy!!!

Zero works for me.

My hubby passed away 3 years ago. I have one child. I’m soon turning 38. How I wish I could have a second one. My son keeps asking for a sibling. And I also would love another baby. 😢

I just found out my wife is pregnant of our third child, they will be no more than 4 years appart between them. I must say I am still in shock, but it's nice te hear I will have some peace and quiet in a couple of years 😅

Thank you, I needed this.

My sisters traumatized me

I have one son, I am not having more bc my body can't, and is so hard!! My kid cry so much bc he is an only child, He says to me "mami feel so lonely" oh dear Lord!!😢😥. I wish I can have one more child just one!!

We have a beagle who was raised in a concrete pen the first six months of her life, rescued by a rabbit hunter, trained to track rabbits in a pack for 6 month's. she was gifted to us by the hunter as a therapeutic dog for our boy's after a horrid (semi random) life event. Anyways she is the best dog ever around people, but has no idea how to interact with other dogs, (probably why the rabbit hunter gifted her to us) she was raised in a 4x4 concrete slab all by herself. Other dogs are a curiosity, not a playmate. She is completely submissive, and skidish of other dogs. Wants no part of the dog play aspect. She only plays with humans, (fetch, wrestle, chase, beg for food)

Zero..zero kids is best.

That's so simplistic.

I don't know why I watch these things since I already know how many kids I want. I guess I just like hearing jp' s ideas

One is graft, looking forwards to our second.

Beautiful

I'd love to have 3 or 4 😊

I think I'll go 2 to 4. I have two younger brothes and it was awesome having them around! So glad not to be an only child.

Meh..... Not every child benefits from having siblings.... Just like not all parents benefit from having more than 1 child.... Kids are alot of work

Somewhere between 0 and 2 or 3.

This vid hits different to me i mean i have a brother who is almost 2 year younger than me but there was a problem....i have autism....and it is like i didn't socialize with him so much and so good let's say :/ In school it was even worse, i was always the oldest of the goddam classroom plus i didn't socialize

He is right in that point

Just found out we are expecting our 3rd. We were planning on 3 but not this soon.

My opinion just prior to watching the video - as I've always understood the transaction from the man's point of view - 'You have a child and I figure out how to pay for it.' Seems fair. The mother is naturally going to wind up doing an awful lot of the doing and the man is going to wind up doing an awful lot of the paying. But, history shows us this can work - if both parents are invested in passing both their genes and their culture into the future. If both parents are invested solely into maximizing career success then all bets are off. Let's see how things change *after* watching the video.

i absolutely respect your opinion; but I will also tell you this: sometimes adult things need to take a darn backseat to what the child wants, I seriously believe you missed the make here man! I think its not that other children get to be playmates, its that with only 1 YOU also are the playmate! got it, so you missed out on that fun!

Most parents have at least 2 or 3 kids having only 1 and having 4 is less common

I definitely thought one was way way easier than two. I had a big age gap between my two and an only child was easy.

none is the best

not one, never ever one. I had a friend who kept bringing up my relationship with my brother, since he was an only child and kept saying how he envied our relationship, yes it helped make peace with my brother after seeing how grateful I am to him much faster than other siblings, but I pity him to this day.

I think this is a pretty narrow minded view of only children

Old jp was 🔥😢

Agree. One child is not optimal. It was great to have many siblings. I guess 4 would have been optimal and best if I were young enough but time running out for beeing the best father I want to be for all their stages in life. What the heck. Life dont just happen the way you wish.

Came here cos i am wondering if i should have more kids and i think i have my answer.

i’ve always thought that two kids was the perfect number

Zero

"Everyone should be normal like me, otherwise it's a problem."

My parents had 11 so I'm good

1 is half the price of 2. Thus, easier.

Even if we think about the population in general, couples need to have at least 2 so the country's population won't decrease

My husband and I want to have 4 or 5 children because neither of our brothers seem like they're going to give the kids cousins. Cousins were one of my favorite aspects of childhood. I wish people would stop and think more before just shrinking their family trees. Lack of foresight.

who is taking care of them?

Typically, the prudent parent has the no. kids s/he can afford. Few of us today and for some time now enjoy the unearned rapine of, for example, tenured profs. It's ridiculous for teachers to make 100s of thousands of $ when there is NO shortage of replacements! Docs and lawyers, too. Hundreds graduated every year! Better to have term limits to share the wealth! Life in the precariat, on the other hand, is real and challenging. Grateful we were able to afford to educate our one child. Sending more than one through university would not have been feasible financially. Also, all of us working longer, harder today for much less. Glad we had time to devote to one child. Wish more parents would consider one child for that reason alone.

I’ve noticed that people in these comments write really long sentences

1 at most. At most! Yes, one at most. I said it. It needed to be said.

I think 2is fine

Ideally I'd like to have three children, but I'd like them to be triplets - two girls and a boy - so I can get it all out of the way in one go.

My only child friend just buried her mum and her dad died a couple of years ago. She is beyond sad as her childhood memories are not shared by a sibling. She has had a very stressful couple of years minding her aging parents alone and found it extremely difficult. When her husband left her years ago she had no one except us friends to help her. It's selfish to deliberately choose to have only one child.

Then you gotta make sure siblings don’t have so much age gap. Otherwise it wouldn’t serves the point.

0

I want 6-8 kids

1:00 ❓

As an only child, it's not good cause you can easily become dependent and narcissistic and have hard time in adulthood, we need to have siblings to learn how to compete and socialize at an early stage of development and through out life.

2 or 0 are the right answers

3 should be maximum! Law should mandate it. Too many children going to poverty not having food to eat. 3 is actually a lot, but just to be a bit more generous. It’s crazy that parents can’t even take care of 1 very well.

one child isn't even good enough for preserving the population. you need at least 2 if not 3. Really though you should do as many as you can afford.

If you have more than 3 kids it’s inevitable that parents drop the youngest child on the older because the parents don’t have enough time.

He’s right, I’m an only child and it sucks azz and have pretty bad anxiety as well

Totally agree.

Me, youngest, two other siblings, 24, nervous wreck. Nope, your theory doesn't hold up, Jordan.

i want at least 6. 9 sound good. if i will be able to have more than 9, even better. 🥰

Simple existential answer: you must create two or three children to be naturally-sustainable.

I think 3 should be the minimum (I would prefer a minimum of 4...) as the 1 on 1 time is completely impossible (not to mention the fact that the child understands that they may not necessarily be the favorite and they need to wait their ration of 'strokes)' as there are only 2 parents for 3 children (also makes expectations of others to be lower, too). The logic of this paradigm is that if they want to be a 'favorite' of somebody, they will have to look elsewhere - thus setting them up for a future personal 1 on 1 relationship elsewhere. As child 5 of 6 (6 of 7 by Moms' count) I felt myself quite blessed - especially since if I was quiet enough and was able to melt into the tribe, I could be more free to do as I pleased (quite fun - until the authoritative gaze found me. ) Another upside is that you have each other when you get older (once the parents are gone) - if you don;t screw it up. .

I had 2 siblings and I wanted more siblings. so if God willing I am going to have 5 Kids

As many as you can physically bear, while barely making it work financially. There is NOTHING more meaningful in life than your children, and nothing more indescribably fulfilling as having a horde of grandchildren running through your house every holiday.

Large families are good for society.

Thats not true. What happen so with Big age gap between them? They dont amuse each other so is It not valid? Ive seen siblings of the same age praying for more attention from adults and more hiperactivty and competition for attention than a one child, who is use to amuse himself.

the number is at least three: why? because child number 1 and child number 2 together can love child number 3. the same applies to married couples. together they fall in love with a third person, the baby.

Do we have to analyze everything

Minimum 2 rest depends on your stamina 😄🤣

Five ⁉️⁉️ you need money for that.

The correct answer is no kids.

I'd ideally opt for ten children A harem of five wives, two children each. The kids'll have an amazing appreciation for different cultures that way 😎

I'll have 12 and send them all to mars

4 or 5 is the ideal number!!!!

Recent father of twins here: I dunno man, 2 seems like quite a handful right now. I can see how this gets better when they're older though.

I take the mentality that if you only want one just have none. I would have hated being an only child I think. My wife are probably going to have 0.

The issue is that our generation can't even afford to have one child. He is speaking from his experience from a context that this generation will have a hard time relating to.