to the people that have lost friends: The people that once was in your life, is probbebly still thinking of you and caring about you. they just did not have the strenght to hold the relationship up. They care and love, but at a distance. Maby that helps to think about... and when you and they are stronger and healthier, maby you can get in touch again
I don’t know if you’ll see this comment a year later, but I just wanted to thank you for writing this. It comforted me so much tonight. I’ve been hurting lately from how many friends I’ve driven away because of my emotional dysregulation, hypersensitivity, and tendency to isolate. It’s made me truly think I’m not lovable. But the possibility you brought up in your comment really comforts me, even if I never see those friends again.
Many times I’ve stayed with friends during their struggles and it has been well worth it. But sometimes, I have worked so hard in these friendships, get treated poorly, and then I look for vids for advice and feel guilty bc I’m told I should see these as “symptoms.” Eventually, the poor treatment will effect how you view yourself (depending on the illness and the friend/their willingness to stick to treatment). I’ve decided this week and as painful as it is, it’s okay to admit for your own sanity that it’s not worth it. No one wants to make that statement bc no one wants to encourage “abandoning” someone who needs help. But indeed, know your limits. Protect yourself, too.
@Susan Ryan you bring up an important aspect of the conversation. We can understand symptoms and be compassionate while still having honest conversations about boundaries and what is appropriate treatment. There are times when you need to walk away for your own safety and health. Thank you for your comment.
I really appreciate your comment because the overwheling narrative stems around showing grace but there is rarely mention the instances when people can/do actually handle their friendships poorly but feel justified to do so because of what they are going through and not stopping to consider the possible impact it can have on their supposedly friends, even just a little bit. Even saying this I feel like the selfish, bad guy but its honestly how I feel
@k.iznaiver Hi! so sorry I just saw these replies. Without knowing you personally, I'm only willing to encourage you to look after your own mental health first. We all have stuff we're dealing with (Stevie Wonder said it best: "Everybody's got a thing"). It's possible to love your friend and still need to look after your own boundaries. A friendship without boundaries is a friendship that is chaotic (any relationship for that matter). I have tried a "break" with my friend I mentioned in the OP. We would come back, try again, but inevitably, I would need another break. Now, it's at a point where I don't want to leave the break. We've been best friends for over a decade, for reference.But over the years, I've grown as less of a people pleaser. It's been difficult for her to accept this part of me that I'm really proud of developing. And I'm unwilling to drop everything to answer her beckon call, which sometimes includes her berating me for not saying the right thing. I'm only elaborating to give you some context for my original post. Your situation is unique, but if you feel "seen" by me expressing my own experience, then at least you'll know it's not "your fault" etc. This stuff happens. Friends drift apart when someone grows in one direction and the other either doesn't grow/doesn't want to/grows in an incompatible direction. What we can't do is undo our personal growth for the sake of the approval of someone else. Even if we love that someone else.
@@pasha158 It is **so** difficult to find sources that help you figure out when to call it quits that don't simultaneously sound cold-hearted. You're not alone and from what I can tell, this sort of thing happens a lot. It helped me to acknowledge how **hard** I've worked at healing my great deal of trauma and mental health issues. I've loved my struggling friend for more than a decade but she's simply not trying to heal. Instead, she's asking me to change around her struggles (which are unpredictable). This means if I listen and try to say something helpful, but it's *not* what she wants to hear, we have a serious talk about it and I have to apologize. If she's still bothered by it after I try to atone, we have to keep talking about it. Honestly, I felt like a hostage for years. And it's hard for someone to listen to how they're a bad friend so regularly when you feel like you're trying your best. I've articulated the boundary. She has since been seething. She now texts me in the middle of the day to discuss an "emergency" which is that she is mad that I don't want a weekly update on how I can improve as a friend. Exhausting and honestly, manipulative. And she's not trying to be accountable for her own stuff. We can't always control the brain we're dealt or the trauma we have to live with, but we must be responsible for it. So, if you're drained, I HEAR YOU. Psych2Go has great videos on certain folks draining you. Handy checklists that are good for checking in with yourself.
How can you have a healthy friendship with someone with mental illness ? I have tried to set boundaries but this person easily gets offended and gets dramatic it was too unhealthy for me and my young son. The friend was draining me and taking all my time. I had to separate myself completely and now my life is so much more peaceful and I finally feel like I can move forward with my life! ! If a friend is mentally not healthy in can affect mental health stress on their friends and family.
Hello it’s me again haha I actually just watched this video and the way it’s affected my friendship is my friend sometimes doesn’t reply to me for days but i always try to keep in mind that it’s his symptoms & not that he’s doing it on purpose. It is challenging at times because like you mentioned it can feel personal & because i start miss him but i always try my best to have that mindset of it being their symptoms and not necessarily because they have a problem with me. By the way i love how you always add a bible verse in the end!
Brenda Ramirez I completely understand. Your compassion makes a difference! And the scriptures are so important 💗 It helps me remember that I don’t have all the answers and I can trust God.
I'm just going to write. My friend of 3 years, even though we live in different states now, abruptly unfriended me. Such a hurtful and heartbreaking thing to come across, and i couldn't just accept that as a goodbye. So I texted her, asking how after everything how could you do that? We had a conversation and she's said that she's in a season of her life where she's pushing everyone away and not keeping any relationships and that she just doesn't want to hurt me. That if she just started everything fresh it'd be easier and hurt less for her. I understand that she's not doing well in her mental health, but am I wrong to think that it was a selfish thing to do? I've struggled so much but I've never kicked someone to the curb because of it. I'm so heartbroken I feel numb. We agreed on taking a break and she said she "didn't know when" but idk. Should I be friends with her if she reaches out? I feel kind of betrayed but atp I don't know what to feel. I've been told to block her because she's just not stable and it wasn't okay what she did. I kind of agree, but man that was my best friend. Any input?
This has also happened to me, and it turned out my friend was pushing me away because they didn’t want to hurt me anymore (I don’t really understand this as the act of unfriending me hurt like hell). What I did was (I’m not sure if you’ve done this already) write a long ass paragraph on what they mean to me and how this abrupt end to the friendship made me feel, for this you must acknowledge their feelings AND your own. And then tell your friend how you’re going to act from here on out. For example if you talk on the phone on Thursday evenings say you would like to continue to do that. The blow our friendship took from this took months to recover but stay strong and keep persistent and things might work out.
Also, I relate to the everyone just telling you to block her thing. Cause like you’re angry, hurt and you miss your friend but you don’t wanna block and everyone else just seems to be talking crap about them and you don’t know weather to agree or not
Angela Howard alrighty i feel like it might not be much different from the original and alrighty will buy that one too! I have a friend who has ADHD and he is also a follower of Christ and well we are together and i just want to educate myself on it more and prepare myself for the future, i believe the lord put him in my path again. I also have a 12 yr old sister who has ADD
They put me on Zoloft again which I could tell him to keep me off and it ruined my relationship at clove and mad me move twice, no agency I like to an agency I don’t like it was good at the store but the people in the stuff has changed nobody cares about the client no more take care about the paychecks I took myself off my meds and I’m waiting to see you doctor and I got new blood test and I’m not giving them to anybody because I don’t know what they do with all these blood test I know what is they want them they can pay me for them $1 million that’s all I’m asking if they’re making a clone or something at least I want to get paid for my blood funerals are expensive to find out the Zoloft doesn’t work on everybody Zoloft it make mental illness worse it doesn’t help anything it killed all my relationships because it made me like a zombie and he says that I had without the Zoloft what does out the windows I knew no doctors no longer communicate with each other my dietitian does not talk to my doctor so how do they know what meds to put on me on in the first place
hey, hope you feel better then when you posted this. Hope you find stable people in your life that can stick with you thru all that mentall illness has to offer. Remember thet no one is ever totally alone.
