How My Parents’ Divorce Set High Expectations In Relationships: Brenda Tan | Ask ZULA | EP 10 

Thank you Brenda for being willing to share her experiences with us! If you feel that you can relate to any of these experiences, do let us know (And of course, if you want to see Leah on a future episode, tell us what you'd want to hear her talk about, wink wink)

omg wah legit stan brenda she's so strong and independent

Ok but Brenda needs to drop the skincare routine or the foundation she uses bc her skin looks flawless

I think apart from divorced parents, one of the worst feelings is like seeing your parents NOT divorced but then not talking or interacting... It's like wthell I rather you guys just divorce. Adding to the whole friend thing.. honestly you wouldn't know anyone's true colours until you guys dated and have been through ups and downs together

Whoever wins brenda's heart strike jackpot. Such a lovely person.

Leah is such a great facilitator and moderator!! She really knows how to make the guests comfortable and brings in great scenarios for discussion! Brenda looking rlly good and adorable with the bangs 😌

What’s wrong with someone wanting to be picky?? It’s her problem and her choice if she doesn’t easily find a guy to date. Nothing wrong in wanting to be worthy enough of her

Glad to know some people are also experiencing the same thing like Brenda. At the age where some of your school mates are either getting engaged or married with children, things can get lonely when you doubt and questioned your worth of being loved after you’ve been alone for quite some time or for your whole life. At the end of the day, finding yourself and loving yourself during these alone years could mean so much more than putting yourself up on someone’s idea of life and love.

i feel like we need leah to talk abt herself on some topic on this show

I can relate to brenda 100%, same situation too, single for 25 years🤣 On a serious note I feel you should love yourself first before you can love someone else. Again being picky is normal, you don't want end up with someone who you are not gonna marry. Just my thoughts😊

Frankly, if there is one thing one ought to be picky about, it's your life partner. Brenda is perfectly sweet and she deserves the best partner to go through life with. I applaud her for being strong and independent.💜

She's so innocent. Internet warriors, please protect her at all cost.

Brenda is quite an underrated talent in TSL. Verbalises her thoughts very well.

Used to be a little lost with dating myself. I'm also the "we should start off as friends" type, and that's fine. The huge revelation for me was, keeping it purely platonic for too long can kill the romance vibes permanently. So yeah, a little teasing can keep the flame going. Might not be the same for everyone, but that's my 2 cents.

leah is such a good interviewer

Brenda, thank you for speaking up about your experience/perspective. I’m almost 30 and have never been in a relationship. I’ve just been focused on my studies and on building a career that I’m proud of, which is admittedly taking a longer time than I would have liked though it’s not something I regret investing my time in. And similar to you I had an experience with a guy in uni that made me not want to pursue romance because of all the mind games and unnecessary drama But yes I too feel embarrassed/left out sometimes in group settings even if my friends do not intend it that way at all simply because they can relate to each other about relationship matters but I can only offer my theoretical advice or observations as a third party. Sometimes I am also excluded from certain events because some friends would rather have just couples present and are afraid I would feel more left out if I were invited - my suggestion would be to surround yourself with more friends who are also single or in more unconventional relationships/arrangements such as people who are dating but don’t plan to get married, or people who are married but don’t plan to have kids. It helps to shift your perspective away from a very normative idea of how one should live their life and also balance out those feelings of being left out with your regular friends too 🥺 And yes we may be left out but we’re not losing out 💜

You are a great talent Brenda! I did not start dating officially till i was 27. Met my first boyfriend then who is my husband now, it's just that I have not met the right person at the correct time before that. Don't worry, you will find the one at the right time 😊

Same!! Don't settle for someone just because you are at certain age or you feel left out. Because meeting the wrong person will cause more problems in your life! It's okay to be picky or to have your own checklist! :) Thank you for sharing Brenda!

Really love Brenda's candidness and her outlook in life, being whole as a person and independent. And it is true sometimes the societal and peer pressure to achieve a lot of 'relationship' things is just getting out of hand. Why is there a need to have so many exes or experience a lot of relationships and intimate goals when you are younger. The age is just getting younger man...

Brenda with bangs OML💯💯💯😍❤️❤️❤️

She eloquently sums up everything that I have gone through but haven't been able to tell my friend's, family and everyone else.

This is the most genuine and relatable episode :”) we love u Brenda ❤️🥺

Totally relatable coming from someone who hasnt date for the past 21 years of my life. Its okay.

It's very brave that she's willing to share something so personal. Whether she's single or not is her own choice. Not everyone needs a relationship in life. Some people might just require companionship/friendship at different phase in life. And when the lady is not ready for relationship, better not get into one. There's a lot of risk attached to relationship and marriage. Otherwise, being divorced and worse to have kids to bring up on her own are worse than being single.

Thanks for sharing your experience Brenda! Relatable, single for 25 years and people always ask why/how am I single... There's definitely this peer pressure cos friends around me are getting engaged, BTO, and starting a family. Well, self-love comes first and I'm fine being on my own. YES to strong independent ladies and it's ok to be "picky" cos we know what we don't want (;

To be honest, being single takes more courage and strength than being attached. The kind of societal pressure you have to deal with being single can be very overwhelming.... Really admire Brenda for being open and real about this even though its not easy being the different one 😜👏

Brenda’s experience with her parents divorce was exactly how i dealt with my parents divorce. My parents divorced when i was 16 as well and i was forced to grow up because i am the first born. I have high expectations of relationships as well and i’m dealing with other underlying issues in relation to both the divorce and expectations such as going hot and cold on guys, not opening up, trust issues, people pleasing, focusing on being successful and building myself... It’s sad but i’m glad i’m not the only one who dealt with this.

Omg can we have a speed dating episode for Brenda? Like the Jubilee's 1 vs 20 series. Simping candidates or their friends submit applications and Leah screen through them. And Brenda does speed dating w them and eliminate them along the way

thanks for speaking for us brenda. i can totally relate as an evergreen at 27 & also having my parents divorced since I was young. happy to hear that joining tsl has made you feel more whole / better as a person. i'm not there yet but i acknowledge that i'm a work in progress! lastly i hope that you meet the right guy soon as you deserve all the love in the world! xx

omg can relate so much !!!!!!!!! :”) you just put my thoughts into words, so if anyone asks why i’m single i can sent them the link to this video hahaha

I was so single back then till i met my husband, he is my first love when I'm already in my late 20s. Before him, i have been thru a few dates but none were compatible or they just ghosted me after a few times going out. Enough of letting myself down and heartbreaks, I stopped dating for 8 years. That 8 years made me love my independence more and i grew into a stronger person. Then he came along and accepted me for me.

OMG Brenda's friends are so wise! Her friends bring Brenda to a surprise chill meeting with some guys at the end of the day without telling her beforehand. Her friends help to intro her to guys so Brenda does not need to worry too much. Sometimes it is easier for someone to help us out than for us to help ourselves. It seems like meeting new guys can be one such area. When we help ourselves we risk getting into a lot of self doubt. Keep it up Brenda's friends!

As a much older guy, i really think you should not let the experience of other people dictate your life. You are at an age when you should really be out experiencing the different facets of life. Make some mistakes, break your heart, break a few other people's heart. No one is born intelligent. We only become intelligent after more experiences. Hope you be able to live your life. Because I do regret that I haven done as much as I should have. Its not about fulfilling societal norms, its about living a life where you feel all the strong emotions happy and sad, both good and bad, and these tell you are truly truly living.

The interviewer is very non judge mental.. I like her style of going in deeper to ask Brenda questions. Brenda is also very matured, finding peace with herself. I can tell that she has pondered these similar qns herself and finally found the answers deep within herself

my parents divorce when i was 1 years old so i understand how Brenda feels because its never easy to have to go thru all this as a child and growing up like this isnt what we want but at the same time its also something we cant stop..

Omg Brenda so cute 🥺💕

Thank you Leah for being such a great host and friend to Brenda which made her spoke about such private matters so comfortably in front of the camera & as an individual, I feel like I can 100% relate to Brenda because I feel like I’m just the guy version of her. However, since she’s slightly more reserved towards meeting people online, maybe dropping this comment would help? hahahahaha 🙃 To whoever that can win her heart in the future, you’re really lucky!! Please take care of this angel 😇

reading through the comments, i’m glad that there are people who are in the same situation as me. as someone who is surrounded by couples and always being a lightbulb, it sometimes affects me and hurts my self confidence, and there are certain times when i’m like sad i can’t find anyone to go places with? idk like i hesitate when asking some of my attached friends out to certain places la. and the societal pressure is real when you are forever single at 26 yo. but i’m rly like “don’t have lor” “if it happens it happens” and wanting to start as friends as well. have tried apps for quite a while and i rly think this is not for me. i feel like ppl in seemingly happy relationships don’t believe that i am rly okay being single, and it makes things so annoying, bc i feel like they kinda pity me..? i don’t have high expectations, but i just feel like a relationship should add to my quality of life and not hurt it.

Can relate here too. Been single for 24 years and I'm still happily single and not rushing to jump into something unless it feels right. And I've spent 22/23 years learning to love myself. It's so important to do that before u can afford to give some love to others =)

Brenda is a very strong and independent woman!! It's okay brenda! I'm already 30 and I didn't have any relationships too. 😂

when you've been single for so long, you're the most self-sufficient and independent person there is. word. #mylifestory love Brenda for being so relatable and finding the words to voice out my thoughts. have had the exact same thoughts but could never find the words to express them perfectly. thank you. 🥰

Thanks Brenda for being real and vulnerable in sharing with us. Thanks Leah for being a great host and friend :D

Well i vibe with the same "not actively searching" but if it happens it happens. Always good to start from self-love and then we can learn to appreciate everything else more. Cheers

I really love this episode!! ✨ Brenda you're amazing! Thank you for sharing your experiences with us and emphasising on the importance of independence and self-love. I really needed this 🥺

I relate so so well with Brenda given the same background, experience and thoughts. Thank you Brenda for sharing. It makes me know that I’m not alone and I don’t have to be bothered by it? ☺️

Interesting viewpoint So true on being alone for so long will make one realize they can do most things alone and find some peace in it.

Can definitely relate to Brenda, it’s great to have a different perspective. You know what you want and there’s nothing wrong with that

One of my favorite movie is Never Been Kissed so I really feel for Brenda. I hope for Brenda to be happy always. One doesn't need to have a life partner to feel happy, in fact the way the world is now, it's perfectly fine to be single! Brenda you seemed a beautiful person inside and out! You deserve the best!

Leah is such a nice person to talk to, can tell she really listens and her replies are so genuine and sincere🌻

I relate to Brenda sooo much wow especially the dating app, having high expectations and also the quote ‘if it happens, it happens’

loved hearing brenda's pov!

Looking great brenda!don’t stop being the happy person you are! Just go with the flow,I was single for 24 years before meeting my fiancée

Thank you Brenda, its good to know that I'm not the only single af person, but single by choice. Been single for 30 years since birth, and just like Brenda I've grown to become very ok with being alone. I'm also not ok with knowing someone with the intention to date, i prefer making friends and know them inside out first. And family issues definitely affected me greatly. This video is so so so relatable, and so so so comforting.

Brenda & Leah are two of my favourite tsl personalities! Love their authenticity💕😍

i’d love to hear more about other people’s experiences on having divorced parents, personally i do and sometimes it really does affect my mental health

I seriously didn’t know that Brenda was single! She’s so beautiful and like a ray of sunshine

Brenda and I has like the same views on relationship. Feels good to know that im not alone

Brenda is amazing for sharing her story!! This girl is going to places!!! 💪💪💪

This world needs more people like Brenda, thank you for sharing, I think people should take relationship and marriage more seriously, date with purpose, and have kids only when you're ready

never nod my head so much in zula video. totally could relate. love you brenda!

Thanks Brenda for sharing your story with us! Honestly there’s nothing wrong with being picky. Many of us rush to get into relationships just because that’s the societal norm and some of us are afraid of being alone and just settle for something lesser. You do you girl! Btw where is Brenda’s blazer frommm it’s gorgeous!!

Brenda seems like a very genuine person and I really admire and like her for that. I'm sure there are still many sides to her that she doesn't show on screen and even to others. I can relate to her being guarded and more of a face to face conversations kind of person. I'm also all bi myself but it doesn't really bother me that much. Just go with the flow and I hope you will happen to find that someone for you! BTW, Brenda with bangs is really cute 😁

brenda looks so different in this video! such a cute look

exact same thoughts and relationship status with Brenda. Thank you for sharing, its relatable, e.g when people ask me why am I single all the time.

thank u brenda for sharing so wholeheartedly!! 🌼 totally relatable!

Oh gosh! Brenda is I and I is Brenda!😅 Thanks Brenda for being the voice of the people who are in the same boat as you! Much love to you girl!!😘

Would love to see a longer chat how children of divorced parents is affected by it and shapes their view on marriage and building family ☺️

"once youve been single for very long you just rlly become v independent" YASSSS totally feel ya

i really resonated with so much of brenda's sharing this episode ❤️

Brenda seems really sweet and genuine and more so, confident. And to be honest, relationships feel like the norm nowdays that a lack of it is being seen as different. Rather than the term different, I would say that I respect her for having standards. Rather than saying that she is afraid to be vulnerable, it just shows that she is comfortable with herself and will only be with a guy she can be herself with and not because she needs a companion. Respect❤️

Im around the same position as brenda man. Like, having to be with a guy who asked me to be his gf but after a few weeks, throw me off and say he needed more time to have this relationship off for a while but in the end, liking my friend instead. And bruh that hurt and am being traumatised for being like a used rubbish just hits me everytime.

Really enjoyed this ep! I resonate with many of the points she brought up 😢 not to pressure but she could try bumble because you can set the criteria to just looking for friends! Speaking as someone who used bumble before a little :)

zula should make a podcast. love this content thank u leah and brenda❤️

Brendaaa🥺 u r exactly me!! 😭 I've been single for my entire life. And the reasons and thoughts u have about is exactly the same for mee 😭 maybe more than that. I enjoy being single but i like someone to be with and have fun like best friends but I fear to fall in love. A lot reasons maahnn. every sentence u told in this video is the thing i say to people when they ask why you're single 🥺🤧

thank you brenda for sharing! i'm on the same boat as you and you practically say what's on my mind/in my heart for almost all parts...

Brenda, you're not alone~ Thank you for sharing your story. ♡♡

I’m so glad Brenda shared her experience because I’m in a similar position as her

brenda is even more cuter with her bangs!

Aww Brenda!!! I can really relate to her :) i too have similar experiences, esp the family situation and the no experience. me having not much desire to be in one, my group of friends who are mostly single (and likewise no experience also) & my asexuality also contribute to me being very very okay with being single. thanks for sharing brenda!

I never clicked on a video faster in my life when i saw the title when it involves Brenda... Hahaha But jokes aside, i can really relate to her about going through parents divorcing for kids at such a young age. Seeing your parents from being so loving to them slowly drifting apart and the kids having to be 'messengers' between the both of them, its' really painful and we have those thoughts of putting the blame on ourselves. We should definitely have more conversation about how these affect these kids mentally because personally like what she mentioned, we were forced to grow up especially being the older sibling.

Thank you for sharing Brenda. I can feel you.

totally can relate to her, u go girl ❤️

Don't settle Brenda! Keep doing you!

Can totally relate tbh, parents divorced at 15/16, never really been in a relationship. Totally agree with y'all when you say being a complete person and happy with ourselves. Hope Brenda meets someone nice soon☺️😉

I really like the way she put her thoughts into word. Can never be me🤣

Brenda totally speaks my thoughts 200%

Interesting idea Brenda, maybe Leah should be the interviewee haha! But thank you for sharing, I can feel you. You do you girl! 🥰

Friggin solid friend this one

I liked the sound effects in this video.

My parents' divorce taught me never to get married if I don't have a house to run away to in case my husband becomes abusive and a prenuptial to prevent being trapped in said marriage. I never used to think a pre-nuptial necessary but it really sucks if you have to trade the roof over your head for your freedom.

Sameeeee totally can relate to her when she say “everyone experience it when she’s havnt experience it yet” stay strong and love yourself 🙆‍♀️ wishing all the best in future~

Thanks for sharing Brenda :)

I love Brenda! :) Can relate to her so much! I suddenly remembered the episode where she was taken out on a blind date, and Fauzi was like "Brenda, is it i am giving away my child"?

Brenda is good, she dont have to rush herself or pressure herself to match the world standards

Love her bangs!

Very relatable!

I can totally relate to Brenda about dating apps. I've also only had a relationship for 4 months and then stayed single after, and people keep telling me I'm picky but I really am just looking for someone I can click with. Also agree with the need to start as friends first and dating apps are not for me.

brenda is so strong and amazing!! ❤️

guurrrrlll my comment was featured HAHAHAHHAHA loved this H2H with Brenda!!

Love the positivity