Mine made fake social media pro files of me impersonating me and wrote a blog how I did not care about the passing of both my French grandmother and grandfather. Instead of telling me she only told me when it was too late for me to attend. Afterwards she said I should have asked her for money to pay for the journey from England to France...but too late. She refused me the equivalent of a one dollar bus ticket to get back home as a teen. Been no contact since my mid 20s. Its tough but I have To. She made ra cist jokes at the dinner of Christmas 2015 despite my being bi rac ial. All my younger siblings in their 20s now believe I was raised in a "different generation" despite being also a millennial. They insult me and my mother smiles or smirks sweetly as if they speak poetry. I used to also vo mit bloo d at age 2 and three often. She told me I did it on purpose. If anyone can tell me why I threw up bl old as a small child I'd very much like to know. My father had his hands around my neck age 18...against a cracking window pane. My mother had to stop him or I would have dyed. Unfortunately she told all younger siblings back then (youngest being 8) a story as if I was the per petrator instead. I never deserved this. I'm 31 and have no one. Moved to other side of country for my safety. Nobody believes me. Wrote my com ment with spelling mistakes because I'm otherwise invisible for speaking the truth.
You nailed it!! When I was a teenager my mother took me to a psychologist, convinced there was something wrong with me. I was rebelling against her emotional abuse. We only went to one session because the psychologist didn't say I was the problem. Because she didn't hear what she wanted to, she deemed the psychologist incompetent.
I had exactly the same thing happen. The whole session was her being the victim. I barely got to speak. She refused to let me speak alone. Afraid I'd reveal the abuse. The doctor was sympathetic towards me and she couldn't stand it. How could she have raised a sl*t and pothead like my father. I'd never had sex or did a drug btw. When? Lol At school? They gave me some kind of test before we tt the doctor because I was very mentally unwell and that was why we we were supposed to be there... We never went back. I never got the results from that test.
Thiswas me but i was the one that wasn't listened or belived. It didn't help that i used to have behavioral issues dur to undiagnosed autims+ptsd. I was keep under heavy medication do i didn't talk sbout what happened under closed doors and each time the doctors realized i was overmedicated and tried to lower the dosage i was transfered to another psychiatrist and doped once more
My narcissistic mother tortured me - her appointed scapegoat child. In front of others, she tried to look as though she was Mother of the Year but she was a nightmare behind closed doors. My father totally enabled her even though I told him what she was doing to me. I can just love, protect, and be proud of the little girl who survived years of abuse.
Same here the difference is my father and my brother abused me and my mother the enabler. After spending 27 years of constant abuse I am done with them my heart is done with them.
As a dude, my dad was a complete PUSSY who totally sucked up to my shitty Mom. Ironically, into his 70s, I had to tell my mom to stop treating him the way he treated me even though I moved 2,300 mi away decades ago
My mother to a teeth. I broke away from my entire family because of this. You forgot to mention covert emotional incest. Utilize the son as a husband. I forgive her, this came from trauma, no healthy person acts like this. Still I am not sacrificing myself on the alter of her wounds.
Oh yes, emotional incest!!! It happened here. Husband put daughter up on this pedestal and shared his problems with her, effectively taking away her childhood. Child's shoulders were not made for carrying the adult load. Meanwhile, I was jockeying for position in my own house. I felt like the maid. It is creepy. Wife is queen of her house, daughter will be queen of her own one day.
@@deborahshankovich8442 yep! It’s Satan creeping in to destroy the natural order. Be careful it can also be touchy feely. But that seems more common with women.
Same here with the emotional incest. My sister treated me like her spouse and her kid simultaneously. Also I was HER mother when she was sick or needed reassurance
💢And let's talk about triangulating the son-husband with the husband-son, causing confusion between the roles in the household. It's devastating to come to grips with the fact that the "father" role is actually competing with the "son" role, and the Narc is orchestrating it all!!! It's depressing to know that the dysfunction won't cease, and the Narc will insist her target to be the confidant. 🤬It's like no matter how hard the target fights to stay out of the games, the target will always be labeled as the co-defendant, especially by the "father" role‼️ They are damned if they do damned if they don't. 😡🤬😤
Out of all the terrible things a narcissistic mother can do to you The worst by far is the gaslighting because they literally take control of your mind and hijack your perception of the world. I'm so thankful for the internet and for having this incredibly valuable information even if it's a bit late in life but it's better late than never, and knowledge is power
Mine did too, using guilt, anger and “parental authority-entitlement”. My brother has broken away and now she demonizes him to the rest of our relatives and gains their sympathy. Life circumstances moved me miles away - thank God!!
@@raccuia1 at one point for too many years..They were making me very ill. I would never want to fully know what they were doing to me, and along side these scarey doctors..At one point in highschool, drs said my immune system was shot. So I had to refuse going to doctors, lady raising me was forcing me too..And figure out nutrition and other methods on my own, prepare all my own food.. It got real bad, but then just stayed dedicated to regimens thru a natural doctor, reading stuff, and remedies to clean and build my immune system again. They wanted me trapped in their house forever, even if it meant I was half dead.
My mother bitterly resented my independent streak my entire life. I thank God I had an inner voice that told me I was not the POS she tried to tell me I was.
I was born wise and I needed every bit of it. I didn’t rebel because that would have been used against me. I laid low my whole life because I had to. I walked away and have no contact. But it’s taking my whole life to get myself back.
Hi this is me having this epiphany now, I always laid low and developed limerence to escape. Buy now I've realized the trauma I went through and it's amazing I smiled 😊
My Mother did this waaaay before any social media was invented! She gossiped to relatives, neighbors, church friends….that you’d think I was just pure rebellion yet I was feeling the rejection, the daily verbal beatings along with getting beaten up by her. Always pick, pick, pick into a shouldering fight
I’m in the same boat 37 , 4 kids during a divorce 2 took one side , 2 twins my bro and I didn’t take sides , what a mess , I finally know why I struggle with relationships , my mom has never said a good thing to me , always projected her misery on me …. I finally realize that
My sister had breast cancer a few years back, and our mom and dad would talk about it in a way to get attention for themselves. They didn't care that my sister was suffering. They just enjoyed the attention for themselves.
@@encodedinrhythm8943 They lack true empathy but can fake it...eventually you can tell the difference between acting empathy or an actor and true empathy for another. These type narcissists are dangerous. Sorry you went through that but can relate.
Yeah its sad and scarey at times. If your sick or have serious tragedy or loss its of no care to them. But if your not up front and center for them. Or your own serious health scares prevent you from being there as you wish you could be, or they stick you in hospital and dont visit not even once for 10 min😔💔....Your labeled careless, selfish and worse..I found with the people who raised me, enough was never enough and it was not good enough to suit them anyhow. So as I got older, I just stopped assisting them. Then the guy who raised me said( at one point in time) I was poisoning the food I prepared for him/ them. I was shocked and freaked, like Lord, they are going to frame me on this now? So I said thats the last meal I prepare for you.. So I stopped preparing their food..Then your degraded for that. Its really sad..All of it💔
I lived with my mom for 30 years and had no idea there was a problem. I actually appreciated that she took me in. I had no idea that she had kept me from my independence. I got married at 31 and am now 34. It was right when the pandemic started too. She could not handle that I now had responsibility to my husband and could not continue to be her slave. It caused so many fights between my husband and I. I had no idea that my mother was like that. It’s was such a shock. Especially since she ruined Christmas this year. That was the last straw.
Read ‘Boundaries’ by Dr Henry Cloud. It will help you set your standards expectations. Get counseling and take your husband with you. You will need help to keep your marriage strong and for you and your husband to understand and handle any contact in agreement. Otherwise this will strain your marriage and you won’t even know what’s happening. Even if you go no contact so you understand what has happened and how it also affects your marriage and future family if choosing to have kids.
talk about it with your husband. take care of your marriage. your mom can destroy it. i'm 30 years old, my mom destroyed all my relationships until now. i realized what is happening, she want to be alone with her...now i have a relationship and i dont talk with her anymore. it s hard because this kind of mom create co-dependency, but i will fight with me.
My mother ruined my university graduation day, the day I brought my newborn home from the hospital, and one birthday of mine. She kept me from being independent, too. They just can't stand not being the centre of attention, and not having absolute control over their victim's life. I'm starting to break free from her. She's sensing it, and is trying to ruin my life again, by trying to worm her way back in, using guilt.
If you havnt had a demon covert mother narc,you'll never understand it and that makes me glad because it means you didnt experience it....Its incomprehensible to others that I went no contact 3 years ago with my Mum and 2 sisters and that's ok...im still walking the planet and my two spoilt dogs are living the life of royalty🥰🇦🇺 And believe it or not im childless..BIG SURPRISE
3:00 "She tries HER NUMBER ONE GOTO, the medical field, to find a problem with the child." I was an "ADHD" child too and medicated in school on Ritalin. It did more than break my spirit, it almost broke my soul!
For my mom it was about being convinced I was having sex. I was like early teens when she started this rhetoric and campaign. She would use it as an excuse to not allow me to do normal things that teens do (e.g. going to the mall with friends; hanging out with friends anywhere). She would scream at me that if she wasn’t so “strict” with me I would have ten babies already. I hadn’t even kissed a boy yet when this all started. She’d call me “fast” and threatened to take me to the doctor to have them check my genitals to prove whether I was still a virgin or not. It was very terrifying and traumatizing to have to hear this hurled at me 24/7/365. HORRIBLE!
I had a female friend who went through this, I overheard a phone conversation and she was in tears! She became a lesbian then shamed into marrying an abusive man.
My mom was the same. Always screaming at me that I was sleeping around, doing drugs and touching myself. It was crazy but all her church friends acted like she was just a concerned mom. It was so disturbing.
Same here, to this day I don't want children because of that. She used to beat the hell of me and said this repeatedly "fall pregnant and see my true colors" by that time she right on top of me or hitting me with whatever is close to her hand. She passed on before we could talk about this. I'm 37 and still can't bear the thought of having children, I don't know if it's the effect of her words or my decision...
@@glenncooper4379 I do, NARCS it's more about genes than psychology, again, they are a different species, look history, it had happened before, for example, Jesus Vs the Pharisees, Jesus was the empath the Pharisees were the NARCS, same tactics, manipulation, gaslighting, etc,
Hell and Heaven are real... We can not hide our sins from God. Is your heart right with God? Jesus Christ loves you and He died for our sins. If you will REPENT of your sins and put your faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and believe in the gospel, you will be saved and your name will be written into the Book of Life. Revelation 20:15 Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire... "Salvation Prayer" Dear Heavenly Father, I come to you, to confess that I am a sinner. I have done some things in my life that I am not proud of and I repent of my sins. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and that He arose from the grave and that He is alive today. I ask that you forgive me of my sins. I proclaim that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. AMEN...
Yup,, they,make you the family patient and projects everything onto that child and adult child saying Oh they need mental help something wrong with them, poor me. Meanwhile its the crazy Mother going around saying this innocent child is crazy. Unreal how sick this truly is on so many levels. Very covert. Healing for all who have endured!!!
@@AZDC99 Wow really?! Same here. It's like they keep telling how "bad" and "wrong" and "crazy" I am and haven't even been around in ages, but desperately want to get a hold of me and hang out? I guess they need their punching bag and to make you stay the family project or punching bag, as I like to call it, all in order to not take accountability. None of it makes any sense. comes from the father of confusion. Good you disengaged from that drama. I think God is asking us to step away for awhile now, so I'm taking heed as hard as it is to understand it all.
@@catzee4720 I did not even learn the definition of the word scapegoat until my mid-40s. (And I have a decent to large vocabulary). But it was a lifesaver five years ago. Some random dude overhears me talking about a family of origin situation and said the word "scapegoat." I had no clue what that meant until he said that! Now I'm 49. Everything makes so much more sense now. I've lived 2500 miles away from my family of origin most of these last two decades. But they didn't start piling on until my 40s. It became a blatant dance with each one taking turns my whole life looking back. What I thought were isolated instances look to be five on one attacks with them alternating, looking back. I love my adopted town of Phoenix and I'm so glad to be out here since 2001 with the exception of 3 years. It's just that back then I thought everything was okay until 2017.. then I realized I've been screwed my whole life by these people that way in one form or another alternating between my three siblings and two parents. And guess who started it all? The narcissistic mother who I thought was anything but I looked back and realized she was all along. She was the ringleader of the whole circus with me being the so-called clown. Another great video of Kevin's pointing out this sort of madness going on from those types of people
@@angelfortruth12 You're not alone because many people who are more experienced than me and you in this ordeal as far as being at THAT point of their process are helping us get our sanity back. WE will handle this and survive. (That one really pisses the abusers off, and it's not my intention or reason for doing that.. but it's a nice side effect of it!)
My mother physically abused me when I was a toddler and then shamed me my entire childhood for the coping mechanisms I develloped, like dissociating (dreamer) freezing (lazy-ass), avoiding (you're always late!) and so on.
My Mom was like that she thought she was a Righteous Ruler but what she was a bible book Tyrant she used Religion for any excuse to justify her actions!!
@@jocelienjimenez9821 religious trauma is a real thing. "Cults to consciousness" and "mormon stories" are fun channels to compare the similarities between our families and literal cults
My dear husband's mother is a covert narcissist and the most 2-faced person I have EVER known ....she pretends to be the sweetest most caring person in the world but she'll say the meanest things when you're *alone* with her. In a group setting she seems so wonderful and charming, but that is just her facade. I have seen her mask slip many, many times during the 35 years I"ve been married to her son and the *real* her is NOT pretty. Nowadays I keep my distance from this evil conniving person. I don't talk to her on the phone. And I don't fly out to see her anymore. I had to break free of her abuse because it was harming my self-esteem. I went no contact in March and slowly but surely, I'm healing from all the years of abuse.
I blocked mine im sure now her whole family are wondering why. Lol shes so embarrasing i used to love her but she so two face its hard. And try to manipulate my husband her son just to get to me or make sure shes the one controlling him. So sad but thank God shes a hoarder so her own son cant stand living with her shes a nasty hoarder of everything and animals. The animals she keep they always died or dried up in fish tanks. Disgusting she have no idea i can put her in her place.
@@annconforti9294 I am so sorry ... you are at least fortunate to see the abuse .... my husband is still so blind to his mother's narcissistic abuse so I have to exercise great patience with him. He's watched many of Kevin's videos and videos from other channels about narcissism, but he still doesn't *see* what I see. Honestly, I don't understand why he can't see it because as soon as I learned about narcissistic abuse (3 years ago) I immediately knew that this was what I was dealing with my mother-in-law. Once you *see* it, you can't unsee it and go back.
@@druchampion-payne1489 I am so sorry. I didn't see it until my 40s. I had to have a shrink explain it to me after getting involved with a different narcisst.
My mother would say I was difficult and wanted me to be more like my sibling. I was told my feelings and thoughts were wrong. I shouldn't feel that way and tell me I needed to be happy regardless of what was happening around me. To the outside world, people thought she was so nice and kind. Behind closed doors, she was a nightmare. Thank you so much for validating my experience. No contact wa my only option.
I have that same problem. it's not just like that with mothers. it's like this with alot of women. watch yahhanna 82's channel. and legal gaurdianship I heard is a scam.
Heaven and Hell are real... We can not hide our sins from God. Is your heart right with God? Jesus Christ loves you and He died for our sins. If you will REPENT of your sins and put your faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and believe in the gospel, you will be saved and your name will be written into the Book of Life. Revelation 20:15 Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire. "Salvation Prayer" Dear Heavenly Father, I come to you, to confess that I am a sinner. I have done some things in my life that I am not proud of and I repent of my sins. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and that He arose from the grave and that He is alive today. I ask that you forgive me of my sins. I proclaim that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. AMEN.
I just cut contact with my mother. She is just like you describe. I’m about to get married and when we told her that we are getting she immediately tried to pin me down to sleep over at her place the night before and get suited up at her place before the wedding, that was one year before the wedding day. I went along with it but we hadn’t actually started planning the day yet. I decided I wanted to get ready at my grandfathers place instead as she was taking me to get my suit, wanted to split it up a bit. Boy did she loose her shit! Saying I’m not a man of my word, I’m cruel etc. essays of text messages and voicemails saying how I’ve upset her. ECT.. then my siblings tried to talk me out of changing my wedding plans because they knew it would upset her. Story of my life, anyway life is less stressful having her blocked.
Don’t have her at your wedding. My mother called my now husband immature 4 weeks before our wedding then her boyfriend told me that I should put my cat to sleep because she has diabetes and we had to add her on our wedding schedule for her insuring 😢. Anyways focus on your wife because that’s what the word of God says. Your wife comes before your mom now.
Heaven and Hell are real... We can not hide our sins from God. Is your heart right with God? Jesus Christ loves you and He died for our sins. If you will REPENT of your sins and put your faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and believe in the gospel, you will be saved and your name will be written into the Book of Life. Revelation 20:15 Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire. "Salvation Prayer" Dear Heavenly Father, I come to you, to confess that I am a sinner. I have done some things in my life that I am not proud of and I repent of my sins. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and that He arose from the grave and that He is alive today. I ask that you forgive me of my sins. I proclaim that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. AMEN.
My mother is like this. She just *cannot* move in to the adult to adult dynamic. She wants me to submit to her reality which is that my perspective doesn't exist. If I don't accept that my perspective is a huge act of aggression I perpetrate against her, the victim of me, then I'm written out. I have been written out. There can be no conversation. The shutters have come down. She has talked about me, to the point where the relatives are shunning me too now, but she will not talk to me. What can I do except give up. 😞
Narcissistic abuse in children causes trauma that has similar symptoms of adhd and autism. Been there myself and I'm still socially awkward but as an adult was told my medical professionals that I'm not autistic.
You may have CPTSD. That's what most people who were abused in childhood have but usually is misdiagnosed for depression, bipolar or even borderline disorders. Not all therapist have knowledge about malignant narcissists or integrated psychopaths.
@@RedRubyStones it comes from narcissistic parental abuse. Then the gaslighting gets intensifies by drugging the child and getting attention for the narcs by having a special needs child. Those are for the mild cases. The severely disabled have been that way since birth.
You may be on to something. I know a family who say they have a “special needs” child. From the times I have been around the three of them, the child is the only normal one! The parents are crazy! And they yell at each other constantly.
This been happening long before social media, those mothers have been destroying their Children first.. then friends, to gain sympathy on behalf of themselves... its apallllling!!
In a nasty, resentful tone, my mother used to tell me I had too much self-esteem. She was a manipulator and a professional victim to the highest degree, all while abusing me and my brother behind closed doors. I finally found freedom when she died three years ago on Christmas. I was very lucky and consider her death a gift.
A therapist once told me my "conditions" -mis diagnosed bipolar, ADHD- were my "apology" for her miserable parenting. I never really understood that. I do have hard-core CPTSD from the constant cruelty, humiliation & chaos..this video explains alot. I'm no contact for years, 60 years old & still struggling to free myself from the internalized shit she dumped on me... fk.
You need a spiritual approach to heal yourself, I relate to you experience, see it this way, she dumped her garbage in to you, remember it's hers not yours, ...I don't have to pay for her...
@@johnnytsunami3558 not only parents but my whole family. For many years I was the scapegoat but this year I started learning what on earth had been happening to me 😔
Oh man. My mom labeled me as Borderline and got me to HATE myself and accept that I was the worst person ever. Now I’m forty years old, have KNOWN I was the worst person on the planet and totally unworthy of love or friendship, had kids with an insanely abusive covert narcissist and finally snapped out of it and realized IT WASNT ME! It was NEVER me! I’m actually autistic (!) and was told I was willfully bad instead. Thank god for my own kids to help me see reality finally…. Dude this messed me up. I’ve never known WHAT my mom is but she is something and it’s mind blowing after all this time….
Jesus loves you, trust Him, no Church or so, sollely Him and His Work of Grace, and His Leadership in Life, ye can allways speak with Him in Yer Heart as you would with a Friend, with Words too of course, whatever feels better for you. Much Love. :)
@@HomeFromFarAway Sorry you feel this Way. I can not nor do i want to control how you feel or think about me, even if you totally mistaken. 1. Royal we, Kevin here himself is a saved born again Christian. *
While I never got the “mentally ill” trap, I was called “depressed” and “too sensitive” a bunch of times. I was called “just like my father” (also a narc) as a last-measure or insult. She did nothing but what was expected of ANY parent but wanted attention for it. Oddly enough, when I was in the hospital for a stroke, she made the situation about herself and made sure to do just enough to garner attention… the whole “look it what I did!!!” effect.
My mother never put any medical stigmas on me, but she did use her “medical Issue” to control me. If ever I exhibited a normal desire to be independent, she always reminded me of her “high blood pressure.” “You need to stop upsetting me; you’re going to put me in the emergency room.” She always HATED when I was sick and would go into denial mode; she hated her loss of attention.
This!!! My fiance parents refuse to take care of themselves!!! They are old and refusing to exercise , change their lifestyles, refusing to downsize and move out of their home and maybe into a assisted living! Now he is telling me that he has to move closer to them to be there for them! Like your parents are very capable of taking care of themselves and should be ! But the refuse to! Am not gonna put my career on hold or pass up a high paying job in another state or any opportunities due to your parents medical issues that they cause on themselves!! They are a burden!! Already made it clear , am not marrying to take care of anyone's parents!! Can't stand family members that purposely make themselves sick so they can enmesh themselves to their blood relatives forever!!
The blood pressure is high cause their bs is catching up on them, bet they'll say it too even when your not doing anything or doing too well for yourself
Mine withheld medical attention because any diagnosis for anything meant she was wrong about me being a bad person if medicine could explain my behaviour. She was terrified of my asking for counseling at age 13. Why do you suppose thst is?
@@KarenH-i9l Just evil. So sorry. I went to counseling as an adult and just happened to mention it. And the response I got was pure anger and “you know they just tell you what you want to hear.” Don’t believe the lies. God bless you. ❤️
I had a Borderline Mother who was a covert narcissist. She told my seven aunts all kind of lies about me and when I was 35, they all turned on me and tried to destroy me.
It's sick how far these entities will go for that small bit of attention which feeds their ego. They hate it when they can't control the person or the narrative. You really do need to become your own private investigator. Educate and Question. This is truly where 'the truth will set you free', comes in. The journey is a rough one and the truth will not be pretty, but if God revealed these things to you, then he knows you can handle it. We are his sheep.
Hell and Heaven are real... We can not hide our sins from God. Is your heart right with God? Jesus Christ loves you and He died for our sins. If you will REPENT of your sins and put your faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and believe in the gospel, you will be saved and your name will be written into the Book of Life. Revelation 20:15 Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire... "Salvation Prayer" Dear Heavenly Father, I come to you, to confess that I am a sinner. I have done some things in my life that I am not proud of and I repent of my sins. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and that He arose from the grave and that He is alive today. I ask that you forgive me of my sins. I proclaim that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. AMEN...
The narcissistic mother was a pediatric nurse and she gained a lot of respect and credibility in her field and that somehow entitled her to undermine my parenting and be abusive to my wife. She felt entitled to be controlling and possessive of me also through gaslighting because I was growing independent and being out on my own. I'm objectively seeing this for what it is. I'm happy to say I've come to accept this as reality.
Good God...Do not let her anywhere near your wife and your children! Your wife will become very angry with you and resent you terribly because you have let it happen. As far as your children, why, why, why would you expose them to her?
My mom and grandma like saying, “I told you so” “You should have listened to me.” “You should have done this or that.” “You should have known” “It’s your fault because you didn’t do what I said.” “I just want to rub it in but I won’t” ugh
My mothers favorite words” She’s too independent” I grew up with this and she would tell everyone. How can a child be too independent? I left the house at 18 moved across country worked for 6 months to gain permanent residency in this state. I enrolled in college got in state tuition received a BS degree paid by myself. Had a successful business for 42 years retired early living a dream. I never moved back home used my “too independence “ to strategize my life. She was damaging I never had kids she would say you don’t need kids stay single. Anyway I’ve been in therapy found a great Dr. Suffered with Depression and ADD when she found out I had ADD she said “ that’s why you never listened too me” she never admitted never never she had a part in this. I can write a book I chose to be happy instead. Also she was so jealous of my relationship to my wonderful dad just sickening! I was her maid, I didn’t want that roll I left. Her next favorite words you live your father more than me. Thanks this story can go on but I going to look for Dolphins 🐬 much more enjoyable.
Good for you! 🤗 I’ve heard “you’re too independent” from narc mother so many times. Wtf do you expect when I’ve been in survival mode since I was a little girl!
Thank you for This extremely important message Kevin. There are so many covert narcisistic mothers and fathers who act that way. They are actively destroying their children and the world is Expressing thanks for that. This is masterful deception and cruelty only evil can invent.
My sister has had MS for thirty years. She was diagnosed at 25, and has been in a nursing home for the last 20. She has been completely paralyzed from the neck down for the last several years. My mother is a narcistic, extreme Catholic - bordering on fanaticism. Having a sick daughter is her claim to fame among her church group. My sister is a suffering soul, and saving souls from going to hell. There is no empathy for my sister, because she tells her that Jesus suffered much more on the cross. Narcistic mothers of sick children can also be horrific
My heart and my prayers go out to you and your sister. It seems to me that your mother's version of Catholicism bears absolutely no resemblance to the Catholic Faith. Let me explain. The worst so-called Catholics are those who use and manipulate religion as a stick to beat their family members or anyone else (no matter whether it's Catholic, Muslim or whatever) who do not do them attention, homage or deference. They are the ones who are evil. You read me right - EVIL. Whitened sepulchres, brood of vipers ... you name it. Your mother is a carbon copy of mine. Clearly, your mother is using your sister in a sick and twisted way to bask in reflected glory. There's a pattern here for sure. My mother treated me and my older sister like chew toys and would turn onto 'Catholic Mode' in front of her 'audience'. Little did I realise (after my mother's behaviour went a step too far) that there were priests and some parishioners who could see through her like a pane of glass and covertly reassured my sister and me that it was not all in our heads and that we have actually been gaslighted. I wish you peace and All Good.
Heaven and Hell are real... We can not hide our sins from God. Is your heart right with God? Jesus Christ loves you and He died for our sins. If you will REPENT of your sins and put your faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and believe in the gospel, you will be saved and your name will be written into the Book of Life. Revelation 20:15 Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire. "Salvation Prayer" Dear Heavenly Father, I come to you, to confess that I am a sinner. I have done some things in my life that I am not proud of and I repent of my sins. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and that He arose from the grave and that He is alive today. I ask that you forgive me of my sins. I proclaim that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. AMEN.
This explains why my mother loves taking care of children and despise teenagers. Me and my mother got along well until I started having my own opinions and boundaries.
Kevin, as his mum was aging, I noticed a shift. It now became “who will look after me now I’m getting older” and “what will happen to me when your dad dies” approach. She was so arrogant that she never assumed that she may die first 😮, but in her world she was grooming . From the cradle to the grave this woman had groomed to do her bidding. She hated me😂. Saw her for the evil she was but the relationship and family dynamics between the whole family completely “sick”
Same thing - she asked to move in with me, asked me to buy a doubled and she would rent the other side 😂 I would just tell her that “we never got along, so it’s not a good idea.”
That was my childhood. My asthma was so bad from abuse, and my mom smoking over my head that on average my breathing was 60% sometimes lower. I’d get taken to the hospital when I couldn’t handle it anymore. Then mom would tell EVERYONE about it. She got the attention she wanted.
My birth giver is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. It took until I was 40yrs old to realize I'm not wrong for existing, and breathing. I haven't seen or talked to her in over 2 years, and ignore her annual birthday texts, yet I still have nightmares about her abuse, and I have serious lasting issues from it. "I gave birth to you I can put my hands on you all I want"
Same here I'm 43 she turned my kids against me I haven't saw her in a year but I don't want to see her I'm learning to live with the empty space 😢💔🙅🏽♀️🚫
I have a 27 year old brother that lives in the basement and my mom always talks about him. The other day I had a long talk with my bro and told my mom. I thought I was helping her and him since I moved out 25 years ago , I’m 46. My mom says “don’t get involved my family”. I was shocked. I’m convinced that she doesn’t want him to leave even though she complains. This video hit home.
My mom would be talking to someone individually or in a small group and say, "Oh, we're so broken about her. We're really not supposed to say this, but she has such and such issue. We just keep trying to love her...."
My narc mother finally died in November’22 ! Though I’d love to actually celebrate that ( lol), I have autoimmune stuff that’s been flaring up so bad since then it’s crazy. She had a good side but true to narcs we had nearly to no actual relationship of course. Mourning is starting to diminish tho and I’m determining my extreme autoimmune responses will follow too… clawing my way back into the light now!
I am in counseling now and realize that I have had covert narcissistic mom and step-mom. It’s had a terrible impact on me to the point where I really wanted to die. I’m healing now but realizing the truth is hard. Thanks for sharing!
Mine was denying me proper treatment for things and then using my “failure” and “in capability” were the problem. My step mom loves to go to the hospital for things for her attention. This was then a push pull for attention between the two. You’re so right!
You have been to 'bootcamp' !! Now that you 'know' ... You are a free human being!! Remember. And loved by God! No 'doing overs' ... you have learnt!! Heal!! Do it for yourself!! Sending love ....🙌
Hell and Heaven are real... We can not hide our sins from God. Is your heart right with God? Jesus Christ loves you and He died for our sins. If you will REPENT of your sins and put your faith in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and believe in the gospel, you will be saved and your name will be written into the Book of Life. Revelation 20:15 Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire... "Salvation Prayer" Dear Heavenly Father, I come to you, to confess that I am a sinner. I have done some things in my life that I am not proud of and I repent of my sins. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and that He arose from the grave and that He is alive today. I ask that you forgive me of my sins. I proclaim that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. AMEN...
Both my parents are covert narcissists. There is different ways to be a covert narcissist. Not all of them make you sick to get attention. But just as sneaky and attention seeking. Sometimes it isn't to get attention at all. Sometimes it is to just bring you lower then them to make them feel better about themselves. My dad's goal was to sabotage my life so I don't succeed in life more then him or to be happier then him.
Please know y'all are all normal! It is not you! Please let go of anyone causing you this pain!! Oh they will come and go once they do not get their way! Be back and try it again! You will be doing yourself a huge favor! Thank the Lord for Mr Kevin! 🍃❤Love from Texas❤🍃
I could write a 1000 page novel on this subject. My mother was a prostitute and she shamed and humiliated me my whole life. By the time I was 18 I felt like I was a worthless human being because she pushed me down and abused me so badly. She made me think I was worthless because I'm male. She hated on me because she hated my father and men in general. She would treat me like I was her servant and if I didn't do what she wanted me to do for her I was the worst person alive.
I was once in the hospital to get my tonsils out, age 6. I threw up a large amount of blood into a pan. My mother looked woozy from seeing it and one of the nurses made her sit down. I heard that story over and over again growing up because my mother needed to use it to get attention and sympathy for herself. She also took me to the doctors quite a bit to try to get him to say there was something wrong with me, as if it would make her pleased or feel better. She actually threatened that she could make the men in white come and take me away.
I threw up a lot as a child...lots of abuse and crazy making. I had horrible nerves. When I was 8 I threw up in my sleep. Woke up in vomit. My mother made me clean it up, she said she was tired of cleaning up my vomit...I have no memory of her cleaning up after me ever again.
I see this so much in my profession. Small children being as objects by their own parents. Some demand a diagnosis very early in life. They make hypochondriacs out of their children which can lead to addiction later in that individual’s life.
It’s so triggering when they come online saying they want to become “an advocate” for whatever the child has. They even make their mental illness about them. Truly disgusting.
A lot of neurodivergent people have great radar for this. There are moms online sharing how they help their ND kids be more comfortable in the world in the hopes that it helps others, and then there are those who define themselves based on their kid's diagnosis. It seems weird to me that people can't tell the difference and support that behavior, but it probably shouldn't since the professionals often support the abusers in these scenarios as well. Thanks for spreading awareness and helping us protect future generations!
This is the story from every child with a covert mom. So sad and people who do not experienced it in live will not understand the situation. Because that sweet mother who is so social and nice for others, how can she be that other personality. And the child think it is their fault. I must be such a terrible person, because why is she nice to others and not to me. And you do everything to make her see you are a good person. It will never be good enough! Start to love yourself and never give up the faith! One day you will see you are good enough. And Jesus loves and likes you the way you are. God bless you all.
My mother's only sister was beautiful but she was raised in fear of everything by my grandma. I have been called crazy since I remember (4 years old) because she said "we were aliked". We both were blonde; that's all. Imagine being called crazy since childhood (and being the most obedient of all my siblings). It's a label for life. No way to get rid of it. My parents tried to sent me to a psychiatric hospital when they found out that their golden child smoked pot. It was my fault as always. Thanks for trying to break the taboo about malignant mothers. Society can't swallow a mother can be a Jezebel although is in the Bible.
I was labeled crazy too. I became a Mental Health RN, and after 16 years of nursing in this field, I have come to the very painful truth, that is was a label put on me, and has tormented me all my life.
It is horror to see my granddaughter being referred to as a "demon child" by her mother. A clear case of projection. I only hope and pray that she survives.
@@laundrymatters8364 I hope you can find a way to show her your unconditional love and support. It sounds horrible. It would be cool if you could find a way to get her out of her mother's company as much as possible.
@@Lyrielonwind Believe me we've tried. She knows that we are there for her. We helped raise her and we had no difficulty with defiance of any sort. She is the scapegoat of her mother and is backed by the enabling stepfather. Her self indulged narcissistic father could care less. She's now 15 and is being fed with a smear campaign against us. Currently we are out of her influence as we are estranged from her family. Hopefully she finds the strength to leave.
Got into an argument with my mom over the summer via text. I was just standing up for myself and of course the extreme exaggeration and manipulation came into play, but then when she was really starting to see no tactic working she ended up in the hospital with high blood pressure. My family then turned to flying monkeys blaming me for making her so upset she was in the hospital. My dad refused to talk to me during the incident. My mom has high blood pressure bc she's been smoking for 40 years, refuses to take her medicine and eats salty fast food all the time. But it's my fault she has high blood pressure?!
My mom magically got some kind of high blood pressure issue going on the day I told her that we bought a new home and we wanted her to come see it with us. Suddenly she couldn't go anywhere but magically is ok enough to babysit my sisters kids. My sister was very jealous of us getting attention and is the Golden child where my mom seems to only be able to celebrate her. Since she mysteriously began having this high blood pressure issue she doesn't even call to see how I'm doing anymore. They are all doing the silent treatment after I pointed out how they were acting towards me. Rather than apologize which narcissists are incapable of, they just simply quit communicating. 4:11
I was just chasing my dog I’ve always dreamed of having around my own house I’ve always dreamed of having, thinking to myself “I’d rather have this, alone and never married, than another day with my mother. I am truly free now.” ❤
I'm going through this process now. Finally woken up and realized there's "nothing wrong with me " and that all my self confidence issues stems from years of finger.pointing. I had to finally just say "I don't want a relationship"
53 and finally walked away for good. Her and the whole family, because they were always hers, not mine. No one defended me, regardless of her repulsive behavior. I'm not even upset or angry anymore. Just done. But when she brought something up that was actually painful for me as a kid, not remembering that at all because why would she (??), I calmly suggested that a genuine apology would be appreciated and was told to "get over it." zero remorse or compassion. And I'm just done. Which makes me an orphan now. I know it will be an adjustment and I will grieve the loss of hope, but I also know it was the most loving, powerful choice to make. ❤
My mother was a covert narcissist, but the day I realised that she manipulated everything in my life to make me dependent on her, I broke off and found independence. But now she turned into an overt narcissist. 😢
Women lashes out the rage and anger of patriarchal system onto their own children, whom are the weakest part and unable to defend. Thanks Kevin, and a big hug from Brazil😉
My NPD mum would take me to the local foster home for kids, we'd stand outside and say to me "If you don't start behaving and being a good boy, then that's where you'll end up." Disturbing. Thanks dude.
This is exactly what happened to me. I've been in therapy for years going nowhere until I learned about covert narcissistic abuse and all the pieces that I couldn't understand started to magically fit together to form a cohesive picture that is like waking up to realizing I've been living in a real life nightmare. Worse yet the therapists have complicated and confused my healing by insisting that though my parents have horrifically abused me that they somehow believe they still love me and that if I just use Dialectical Behavior Therapy tools that I can learn to have a relationship with my abusers by "learning how to not let their behavior affect me". Essentially they are telling me that if I just learn how to frame and accept the abuse that I can somehow be immune to it, this is coming from highly trained trauma informed therapists in my county behavioral health program. I swear most of the therapy I have been through is more toxic than the solution itself of going no contact. The therapists themselves have been co-abusing me with my parents because they have a discomfort with the idea that sometimes a family or child breaking away and apart from the system is actually the healthier alternative, but in my case I think they feel better blaming the child for the symptoms from their abusers because 1 they don't want to accept the truth and 2 they make more profit from this dynamic. And after calmly discussing that I am intensely angry about uncovering the abuse I've suffered at the hands of my parents and continually being invalidated in therapy they slapped me with a BPD diagnosis even though I just completed a 3 year program of DBT therapy and don't act out in anger or violence and am the most honest non-manipulative Christian. Their justification is that I have struggled with suicidal ideation and they feel my anger is inappropriate even though I don't yell or scream, don't throw or hit, don't display any aggressive behavior but because I talk about having intense feelings of anger they've deemed it inappropriate anger. And they called me paranoid because I'm a christian and said I believe I'm being attacked by spiritual warfare and I believe there is evil in this world. The mental health industrial complex is one of the sickest institutions I have ever ever come in contact with and is filled with narcissists and abusers of all kinds and the rare caring individuals.
You my sister just wrote my story of my last three years of my life going no contact and a follower of Jesus…people can’t fathom this. They say forgive and carry the cross…um, I did for 40 years. You can’t forgive sick hypocritical people but you can dust your feet as hard as it is. I emphasize wholeheartedly
Elyse,I get it and I have never been to a counsellor about my mother for this reason.I am a Registered Nurse and was trained in mental health as well so I know how it goes.
Incomprehensible, multilayered betrayal. Unfortunately, I've seen some of this as well, and heard more about it. People do need to be aware just how dangerous it can be going into therapy, even though the idea behind it is to heal and recover. Certainly it is not something to enter naively. By your descriptions, a BPD diagnosis sounds utterly misplaced. Your anger is valid. I'm also extremely angry with my own covert NPD mother, as would anyone having suffered such extreme, insidious and cold-hearted abuses. A lot of people can't wrap their heads around just how extreme this form of abuse can get. Best wishes to you, Elyse. I'm rooting for you.
Yup went through this the whole time, my whole fucking life I am so sick of there lies, gas lighting, emotional abuse, ect! Toxic mothers are the worse!
A narc mother I know with a young adult daughter always complains that her daughter is too thin. However she later posts a slightly younger photo of her daughter and comments on how chubby her daughter was . Huh? No wonder the poor girl is underweight now🤔
My mother has always been bothering a pediatrician who was my father's best friend faking been worried about me being so skinny in childhood. I ate huge amounts of food but wouldn't gain weigh due to anxiety. I was also the goffer; go for this, go for that. She made sure I couldn't get a moment of peace and quiet. I have not developed any food addiction but I'm a chain smoker.
Funnily enough, one of my favorite movies portraying this kind of relationship is Disney’s Tangled. I related so much with the main character, Rapunzel, and my mother is so much like the villain, Mother Gothel. Luckily, I’m in college and beginning my career, so I’m working on getting away from her, but I can definitely relate to a lot of this.
My mother is a narcissistic controlling person, i grew up with o a lot of trauma, had a lot of bad relationships with friends, girls, got into depression in the age of 18, tried to put en end all of this end up again in a phase of shut down all of my memories and feelings live like a ghost for years finally i realise the pattern and make myself that 9 years old hurted, unloved, uncared, conrtolled, unwanted, ignored child again and cure him like how he deserves. All these anxiety, self-hate, self doubt, i make them all go away because i want to live my life. I encourage to all of you that, no matter how sad it is, try to unveil your hurting memories and come back to life, please.
@@stevomcsteve9492 don't knock " me, myself, and I"..they will be your biggest champions. Hang in there, it does get easier.💚 To me, it feels now like Godzilla fell off my back
Woah. The part about the mother using the medical field hit home. My mother has munchousen biproxy and kept me sick to make money as my caregiver for over 13 years now. You are describing my mother to a TEE. She plays the part as the most caring mom when in reality it’s insidious. She did it all for the attention it gives her. 😳
I can't thank you enough for the insightful explanation, Kevin. It was a mystery to me that my mother called me as the being stubborn child early in the childhood years way before I could understand all the different concepts of understanding. I wondered up to now what was it based on. Again, thank you, Kevin, and blessings to you 🙏🏻🎉
My mother used to expect everything from me, being good at school, taking care of my siblings, doing housework and being a mother to her and to my father. All the weight was on my shoulders while they had their sisters and brothers to deal with. It was too much for me and I see the consequences now. If I would say no for something, she would tell everyone that I am stubborn. That was such a lie. I had to say yes to everything. She wouldn’t let me wear a dress cause then if something happens to me, (rape) it means I deserved it and I cannot complain to her. I had to wear shirts with long sleeves, jeans and no make-up. She would constantly control me, and she appeared jealous as well. When I told her that I got a compliment from a boy at school, she would start getting mad and yelling at me. I was 22 when I found a boyfriend for the first time, who is now my husband. I was afraid she wouldn’t approve cause she might say I am too young. There are so many things to mention :( that happened in my stupid life. Sorry for the long comment.
@@Sara2016a Thank you for sharing the experience. It is truly horrible when those we trust as a child could do the unthinkable to us. Hope you find a way to deal with the situation by now. God bless you 🤞🏻
Yes , I was in my early 30's when I finally started to come to realise that I didn't have to hide some secret about myself that I was a damaged , depressed piece of shit. Surviving a covert narc is the story of mine and my sisters life. Hopefully to thriving one day, now we have estranged from her. Its truly torture to have tour mind f'd with as a child. It becomes who you identify as and it's extremely painful. Much love to any fellow survivors. Its a silent struggle but I see you xxx
I think it’s important to mention that just because a parent takes a child to a specialist sensing that something is wrong with them doesn’t mean that they are a narcissistic parent. There have been lots of children diagnosed with ADHD by specialists, children of normal and good parents that had to put those kids on all kinds of medication‘s that never wanted to. I on the other hand never recognized that my son had ADHD so he didn’t find out until he was in his 30s now he’s worse because he never had the help that he should’ve had when he was young and it’s been a tough go…..more than I could even describe to you.
The extreme form is the sociopathic mother; and instead of factitious disorder on another (Munchausen by proxy) - their harm is malingering by proxy (not a psychiatric condition - rather criminal abuse).
They'll give out unflattering information to leasing offices of Apartments you live at. Next thing you know, you get kicked out over something that is petty and not even an eviction offense. (This is how those cowards screw you behind your back. But I got a third source that showed me what happened and it was the leasing office manager! When confronted.. even though I lived 2500 miles away for decades, they acted irate...key word "ACTED." They sabotage you behind your back for years or decades and then they pretend like they don't know what's happening and that you're supposedly paranoid when you finally get some evidence of what's really going on
So true. My father passed away when I was 12 and my mom took me to a therapist one day after school without telling me. I guess she thought I was a problem child and needed immediate help and didn’t give me the privilege of at least knowing where we were going. I was confused why were weren’t going home and was so upset. But deep down I was just depressed because I found my dead father and it’s traumatizing for anyone let alone a kid. So we get to the office and im explaining how I feel. My mom is in the room. The therapist literally looks at my mom and tells her that she needs to also be in therapy because she has problematic behavior. I guess she didn’t like being called out because I never went back to therapy. I’m almost 27 and still have problems with my mom. She thought she was gonna find something wrong with me but ended up being called out because the therapist noticed how her behavior was affecting me
Exactly what My mother did. She send me to psychologist when i was 8. The doctor said that there was nothing wrong with me. The Questions she asked me were normal ones.just to identify My personality. But when my mother waited Outside for me to Pick me up she would ask "do you feel better now" ? At this moment i intentionally knew ive been manipulated again because she send me to the doctor instead of her own persona. It was 1998 or sth. , There was no yt or Fb, but i deep down knew she was mentally i'll, a full blown COVERT FEMALE NARC
I went to rehab when I was 24 years old 15 years ago, BUT I SUPPOSEDLY HAD TO GO TO A DOCTOR FOR THAT TO HAPPEN. Since it's on their bill, I thought why not? Three days clean in a 90-day rehab session and all sudden I'm being told not to take these psychotropic meds. I said nope! I got second opinion and the doctor laughed at the other doctor's supposed professional opinion. You know what happened to the doctor with the bad opinion? They got on the front of the Washington Post for molesting adult female patients and for over-medicating all patients, himself being handcuffed and going to jail on the front page of either the Metro section or A section of that hometown Washington Post newspaper
She literally has ruined Everything because until my diagnosis I genuinely felt like a terrible person. Ugh! Sorry you had to go through this! Social media and networking help a lot! I know I have to be done but it’s hard because my sister passed away and she was my rock
@@gavroche8620 I'm so glad that KEVIN brings up this taboo topic. It almost brings shame to me to a point where I never brought it up in my life... until I heard it here. Thank you, Kevin! (Some of that pain I HID from myself is finally starting to melt away... Pain I didn't even know I still had!)
@@AZDC99 THANKS KEVIN FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART MY PARENTS WERE BOTH NARCISSISTIC SO I AM NOW MARRIED TO ONE AFTER 40 YEARS AND THREE CHILDREN ALL GROWN AND MY ONLY SON KILLED IN A CAR ACCIDENT AT THE END OF HIS ADOLESCENCE my surgery on a pineal gland at 65 years has an accumulated effect on my state of mind Kevin your videos are such a blessing THANK YOU
A good effective psychologist usually councils from their own life experiences . I sort of dismiss young psychologists (which is unfair on my part) but how can you understand what I'm going through if you had not been through it. Like asking a father does he understand birthing pains.
It always surprised me how so many adults could blame me so heavily and have pity on her. This has helped to explain a lot, thank you for taking the time to post. I didn't see it this way. Guess it was hard to see it wasn't personal when it was so personal. She still gaslights & blames me and I'm 50. I have the peace Jesus gives and no contact with her or her posse.
Accurate. Seen many tiktok like you describe. And some go further; bringing their kid into video, using leading questions at child which mother inevitably answers for them, and manipulating the child into confirming and identifying themselves with the label/box/stigma mother inflicts. All the while she smiles and nods, anticipating the validation dump she's about to receive from the world. Exploitation is a horrendous 'crime' to perpetrate against anyone. Especially a child. But these mothers really "don't care".
Just realising this myself. All my life my mum made sure I knew there was something wrong with me, that I was "bad". But I'm very popular, especially at work. The level of cognitive dissonance I've been experiencing recently has been absolutely excruciating. That voice in my head getting louder and louder. Realising that it's my mother's voice, not my inner critic. Things are getting clearer and that rage I feel, is a very deep feeling of grief and despair. I'm just spending less and less time with old "friends" who I've unconsciously chosen to validate my worthlessness. Seeking to form friendships with people who see the good in me. It really is true that hurt people, hurt people ❤
It’s wonderful to watch clips about narcissism. Most children think everything is their fault. They’ve never heard of the symptoms of a narcissist, mentally ill parent. So sad 😢
