Narcissistic Mothers 

When people say “appreciate your mother because no one will love you like she does”, it makes me sick that people who have NO idea are shaming people who have difficult relationships with their mothers. I’m SO happy for people who are best friends with their mom, but we’re not all blessed with that connection.

If you were raised by a narcissistic and got out of there with your sanity intact then you deserve a Nobel prize, you’re a very strong and resilient human being. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise..

all the females who have or had loving, present, caring and supportive mothers, you are very fortunate to have experienced this. don't take it for granted.

I remember standing in my kitchen with my mother, she said to me " I don't know how you learned to be such a good mother" I whipped around staring her in the eyes and said " I treat my children like I always wanted to be treated as a child", she was finally speechless.

Due to my mother I have no confidence and anxiety. Due to my mother I put other people's happiness over my own and I let everyone use me. The only thing I learnt from her is not to be like her

Does anyone else struggle with memory as a child? There are entire periods of my childhood that I have no memory of and I wonder how related to this abuse dynamic that might be.

I can't even imagine what it's like to have a loving mother

My mother is 91 and has NEVER changed. This is one of the saddest qualities of narcissism.

My mom is like this. She told me when I was 12 years old that she hated me, wished I was never born, and couldn’t believe I was her daughter. I have spent the rest of my life in therapy and became a teacher for the sole purpose of making sure that if any other kids were treated like me, at least they’d have one female role model in their lives who loved and respected them.

My mom would tell me I need to lose weight..then when I was skinnier she was jealous of me...can't win EVER

I am proud to say, I have broken the pattern and gifted my children a better example of motherhood.

I'm literally crying watching this video. It really hurts that some of us were deprived a normal kind of life. I hope everyone reading this gets to heal.

To everyone who has grown up with a narcissistic mother, I wish you the all the best on your healing journey ❤

I hate mother's day. where are the hallmark cards that say "thanks for being a selfish, emotionally nonexistent mother who never loved me"?

I feel better knowing that I'm not alone or overreacting to all of this

My entire life I always thought that my mom treated me worse than anyone else…but she claimed she loved me more than anyone else. This caused so much confusion and feelings I didn’t understand.

The guilt of not being enough is the hardest to get over

Mother, you had me, but I never had you....

I'm fourteen years old, and my mother is a malignant narcissist.(And I suspect also a sociopath). I'm the scapegoat. Finding this channel has helped me so much. She abuses me physically, verbally and emotionally, but I thought there was something wrong with me. I believed what she told me and thought I was crazy and feared myself. I'm finally finding that I'm not so alone in what I'm going through. Again, thank you so much. I will try to survive and thrive.

I just went no contact with my parents. I am so angry at my mother. All of my trauma is coming out, in nightmares, dreams. All I learned was that my life revolves around serving my mother's needs. She literally taught me that being authentic is unkind, and that you must be fake and look good to other people at the expense of your own well being. Specifically SHE must look good to everyone. I was just a tool to her.

I remember being in the 5th grade and not eating lunch for weeksssss so I could buy my mom this nice purse from Walmart I was so excited and couldn’t wait to give it to her . I got yelled at and accused of stealing the money she gave me to eat with she never wore it ever I wanna cry typing this and I’m 28 😩

Was always told, "Don't talk back!" And at the same time, denigrated for not having any backbone or self esteem.

My Narc Mother taught me how NOT to parent. She’s responsible for my inability to establish healthy boundaries with others and accepting abuse silently. I grew up believing that everyone’s happiness is my responsibility. She was so toxic, when she figured out my husband was of the same ‘wavelength’ as her, she’d actually gang up with him to devalue me. I went no contact with her 10 years ago when she put my kids’ life in danger to enable and score points with another Narc. The damage she had done was enough for me to hold on to my resolve. A very happy Mother’s Day to you, Dr Ramani, and to all the mothers here 💐💕

“It’s never enough” is so much how it is with my mom. On holidays, or in general. And every time you do something wrong, everything you’ve done right disappears

I re-wrote it! My grown kids say I'm the best mother in the world! I was determined to never do to my kids what was done to me!

I spent my whole childhood in screaming matches with my mum. I thought this was normal. It was not. I have just learned they provoke you until they get an emotional reaction out of you and then blame you for it. It feeds into their ego. I had no idea. I just had a memory of her managing to get a screaming reaction out of me as an adult a few years ago and she had this evil smirk on her face like “yes I did it” I hate that woman with everything that’s in me. Therapy and doing research on the internet on this topic is finally making me realise what kind of evil witch “raised” me and why my life has been such a shit show since I could even remember.

I often wish I had been raised with a NORMAL mom even now at 60 yrs old. The grief around this is very real. Thanks for this!!

It is absolutely correct that people judge you when you try to talk about your narcissistic mom. They do judge you and they don’t believe you, generally. It takes a very special person to see the truth.

I can't describe the level of anger I carry around as a result of the abuse I went through....

I've only just figured out my mother is a narcissist, I've found it oddly freeing, a lot of things make sense now!

This is my mom. I was the scapegoat, so I was rebellious. She couldn't control me, so she absolutely hated me. This is why I will do EVERYTHING in my power to make sure my daughter knows I love her UNCONDITIONALLY ❤❤

My best friends mother died last year, they were very close. While at the memorial I realized that, while I did have sympathy, my overwhelming feeling was envy. Envy that she had a mother that loved her in a way that at her passing, her loss was mourned.

I'm no contact with my narc mother, and this is the way it will be for the rest of my days. I'm 34 and am still recovering from the 33 yrs of abuse she gladly put me through. I'll never show appreciation for anyone of her caliber. If you've never walked in my shoes, you will never understand no one deserves a MONSTER for a parent, so to all survivors keep thriving!!!!

When you have a narc mother, Mother's day is somewhat of awkward holiday

One way relationships are a waste of time.

I completed 4.5 years of my medical college and the day results came out, I started crying with joy as all those years of hardwork and struggle had finally paid off and mind you I was going to be the first Doctor in my entire family. At this exact moment, my mom told me to calm the f*** down a little and that I had an exaggerated reaction. She also said “wasn’t it obvious you’d graduate one day since you got in.” I felt shattered. I couldn’t even be happy and proud of myself as she clearly wasn’t. I just wanted my mother to be proud and happy for me and she couldn’t even do that.

I went no contact over a year ago. Hardest, Best decision ever

Is mothers day for narcissistic women ? Just because two people got together & had sex , doesn't mean I need to worship them. They need to act right & earn my respect...

The only thing my mother taught me was what conditional love is!!

I've finally realized my mom has only cared about her kids taking care of her, she doesn't care if I have a life, especially because I'm the single older daughter in the family. I could never imagine my daughter giving up a life to take care of me. I've totally lost any interest in a relationship with my mom. I'm there for her doc appts but I changed my life to ensure I'm not her servant for the rest of my life. Yes, she has now said I have been the problem child all along. Meanwhile I'm the one that made her life easy by taking care of my dad when he was sick in his last seven years. No more.

I am mothering myself and promised to become the best mother for me. Happy Mother's Day☀☀☀☀😍😘😘

My siblings and I have always joked about my mother being the “Dream Killer”. Decades later I now realize how unfunny that is.

My mother said out of the blue a few days ago, "You know, you have always been a disgusting worm.". She is 92 years old and I am 62. It seems they get worse as they get older. I limited my contract with her years ago.

May anyone who has experienced this be blessed in your healing. When I was 7 years old, I purposely got left at a Walgreens for over 3 hours. I remember running after the car as my mom drove away; I knew that she could see me running to her in the review mirror. Nothing had happened for her to do this. I wasn't misbehaving or anything. Also, we lived over 30 min. away and she drove home without me with no intention to go pick me up. When my older sibling got home she asked were I was and my mom told her she left me at Walgreens. My sister went to pick me up and I remember feeling so relieved when I saw her drive into the parking lot. I am 37 years old now and I still to this day have never been so terrified, alone, rejected, and confused in my entire life. It took me well into my mid twenties to even tell this story. I still have only told 2 other people about this, one being my husband. Please pray for me as I'm still trying to heal, thank you... 😔 My dad also committed suicide on my mom's birthday when he was 38 years old. I'm not trying to be a pitty part, I just still have hurt and I can sympathize with anyone exposed to so much meaness and neglect. May you all be blessed. 🙏🌼

💕Mother's Day💕 can be a painful reminder of the "wished-for mother,"- thank you for sharing this validating video for so many wounded children! 👏👏

I was 45 when I found out my mom was the narc, not me! She always tried to make me feel like I was the aweful one when all she did was project!

I’m gonna ignore her like I do everyday.

Yes. The grief over knowing you’ve been robbed of a true, loving and supportive mother is very real. The good thing is, there are many people who come into our lives to be our “mother”…and we can learn to mother ourself. 💖

Also, my husband just said, “Every day is Mother’s Day for them.” Truth.

It doesn’t make me feel isolated when other people share warm sentiments about their mother, but it angers me when those same people fail to understand that’s not everyone’s reality. As a child, I believed the abuse was “my cross to bear”. I was constantly trying to please her hoping she wouldn’t be abusive to me but the abuse never stopped. It took decades before I realized I could simply walk away from the abuse and my abuser. Estrangement has been my savior! Happy Mothers Day to those mothers that are truly deserving.

I feel sorry for people who don't know their mother is a narcissist. If they knew they they might get stronger and awakening

Grew up hearing “ when I die you will miss me” every time I didn’t want to do what she wanted me to do!! As a little kid those words was so harsh on me because I didn’t want to lose her and regret not making her happy ! I

My mother is a covert narsissist and her need for approval and admiration makes me vomit. Days like Mother's day are THE days for her, the days when she can boast about being an amazing mother to her WONDERFUL children, when in truth, she has harmed me more than any other person in the planet and I have had to work so much to get over even half of that. Sending her greeting cards and talking about gratefulness just seems so far away from my experience. Worst part about is that my mother truly believes that she is absolutely amazing and nothing will compare to how amazing mother she is and how delightful it was to be a mother to her....

I didn't realize my mother had narcissistic qualities until I was in my early 30s. Up until that point, there were times when I just couldn't stomach speaking to her and I couldn't hide it. Then she'd go crying to my dad about how mean I was to her and I'd get a lecture from him about treating my mom better. Looking back on it now, I now realize that I was a helpless child that was robbed of any agency - she was making herself look like the victim to get narcissistic supply from my dad. That disgust I felt was a natural gut reaction to her years of covert abuse, but having those feelings for her would end up making me feel incredibly guilty because I'd get lectures from so many people about how I need learn to treat my mom like a queen for giving me the gift of life. You can imagine what this experience can do to a developing brain that is only just beginning to figure out self-perception. I constantly felt like there was something wrong in the way I was conducting myself and that I was deeply flawed as a human being. I've gotten into some crazy situations as an adult and I think this upbringing had made me a target for being used and abused by people. It's incredibly sad to be living your life in such a destructive manner for 30+ years thinking that there was something wrong with me. The worse for me was that all of my mom's siblings took out their deep hatred towards my mom out on me as a child so I just didn't have anyone to turn to. I haven't spoken to her in over 5 years and she continues to make herself out to be the victim with people we mutually know, at which point I get the same lecture about respecting my mother more from them. I really do hope that people read this and think twice before guilt tripping a loved one into speaking to a family member. I know that some of you are just trying to help or mend a broken relationship, but some of these situations are really toxic and you may not realize what it's like because you had a more normal upbringing so this dynamic may be beyond your realm of understanding. I too wish I had a loving, present mother, but that was not my story and we all cope with this in our own ways - often times to protect ourselves for any more hurt than we have already experienced. I mourn almost everyday for not getting the love that I needed as an child and struggle to figure out how to fill that void every day of my life.

The constant walking on eggshells with my narc mother is exhausting..so scared she will flip her switch at any given moment..the rages are the worst..the things she has called me throughout my life are unforgivable...but I still motor on and pretend to enjoy her at times..now I know how she is I do not allow the tage..name calling to bother me..I understand it's part of her sick twisted brain..so glad I got my dad's genes and brain!!

I've been no contact with my narcissist mother for 6 years. My holidays are great. Those of you who are scared to go no contact, do it. It's freeing and your health problems and psychological problems will get so much better. You can do it!

So true - we tolerate narcissistic relationships, friendships and siblings because it was modelled to us by a narcissistic mother ❤️

I'm a happy mom today because I have kids who love me and will talk to me. Success is when the kids grow up, support themselves and still talk to you.

"If Mama ain't happy, nobody's happy" I always thought that was...unhealthy to think that way. But I didn't realized quite how fucked up (and true to life) that statement is.

I’m 62. The Mom finally died last month. I’ve cut my vicious, narcissistic sister out of my life now that my B mom died. I wish I had not let my sister manipulate me into taking care of her during her decline and death. I’m disabled, I have a chronic autoimmune disease and I could only do so much and stress is the number one trigger. December was like a nightmare I could not wake from. I’m currently sick and exhausted. But Dr. R is helping me.

My narcissistc mother died alone in a nursing home on December 13, 2019. I had went no contact with her in 2009. I had gotten to the point where I was chasing love which just wasn't there. I accepted her for who she was, I forgave her and I went no contact because being in a relationship with her was like being in a relationship with a cardboard cutout. There was nothing genuine about her and every attempt I tried to do or not do to get close to her always ended up toxic. So, I picked myself up, stopped chasing an illusion and walked away. I never got genuine love from her, so I mourned my loss and learned to love myself. The woman just wasn't capable of genuine love.

This comment is dedicated to everyone caught in between hope and fear for the next year. Hugs.

My mom never really appreciated anything I made or bought for her. I would be scolded for buying her stuff because of “wasting money,” but when I didn’t get her anything, I was accused of not caring about her.

Wow! So very true. Didn’t know I was permitted to have my own feelings or that they mattered until I was in my 40’s. All my life was spent monitoring others peoples sorrow and how to help them. Finally learned to say NO in my late 40’s. I was the worlds best doormat.

I'm spending the day reaching out to all of the other amazing women who mothered me when my mom was too busy focusing on herself.

I often wonder how different my life would be if I had a mother who actually loved me... who didn't abuse me or steal from me.... who didn't use me... who didn't sabotage me. The hurt in me runs so deep. Even five years out from cutting ties I'm still broken and affected. I'm still judged by and hated by my whole family.

My mother does not deserve any acknowledgement on Mother’s Day or any other day! It was never my fault, even though she wanted to make me believe otherwise. Sick!!

Let me sum up Mother’s Day with a little story: Pavlova Perfume was launched in 1977. At that time it was very expensive and difficult to find. You had to go to the most exclusive department stores to find it. Even at that young age, I had already given up on trying to please her and dreaded having to look for something that I knew wasn’t going to be appreciated or would receive some backhanded compliment, but my Dad was undaunted. I remember him seeing in the newspaper and whispering to me that were going to get some to surprise my Mother. I was reluctant but he was insistent, so off we went. Found the expensive perfume. Was told told it had just arrived from Paris (literally saw the sales girls taking out of international shipping containers). Had it professionally wrapped. Next day, Happy Mothers Day! She opens the box. First words? “Oh. Perfume. Thank you.” I was expecting it so I didn’t care, but my Dad was incensed. I think that was the first time he was exposed to the true mother I saw daily. He called her on it and she laughed embarrassed and began gushing over it after he told her all the trouble and expense he went through to get it. I just gave him the “welcome to my world” look and went to my room. I miss my Dad. Narcissistic mothers are exhausting.

I have a narcissistic mother. It took me years to realise this and come to terms with it. I stupidly tried to explain my feelings and my point of view. But to no avail. To her I am never enough. So I decided to be enough to myself. It hurts to know that I will never have a healthy relationship with my mum buy I cannot change her. The only thing I can change is me and my perception of the real mother I've got. I don't hate her. I pity her. And I think it is a good start on my way to recovery.

My mom's favorite saying out of many, "You gonna need me something, just wait". This mental block had me living low because I was afraid off failure, which she often spoke into my life too. Soon as I moved away to a different state, I became far more successful than I've ever been. In 3 years, I built 2 businesses (Get a REAL job), and I'm the first to build a brand new house, and I own the biggest house in that family. Of course she fabricated new reasons to justify her hate. Heres to 2022, a year of positivity.

Ugh I feel this daily. The anxiety and depression and grief. I tend to cry when I see an appropriate example of a loving relationship between a mother and their child and didn’t fully understand why. Now I do.

My mother was like Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest. And, I'm not joking when I say that -- the crazy fits, the tone of voice, the manipulation. It was all so accurate.

trying to find a mother's day card that isn't full of fluffy lies, is a timely task!

This is my mother Carol Haub from Jeffersonville, Indiana. I tried to make her happy from childhood. Straight A’s were not enough. I took on her parental responsibilities for my siblings, cooking, cleaning and taking care of her emotions. She robbed me of my childhood. Finally gave up and went no contact with her in 2008. She is a very disturbed individual. Finally have peace.

Having my own kids started my own healing and then going "no contact" with my mom. Shutting my mom out of my life has been the equivalent of a bird being freed from a cage.

I'm 66 and didn't realize my mom was a narcissist until about a month ago. She was big on punishing and guilting for pretty much everything. My brother (15 mo. older- also a narc.) was her favorite. She often reminded me that my birth was an accident, that I owed her for my very existence. I spent most of my life trying to repay the "debt" but never seemed to get it right. I never mourned her death & that's always bothered me.

There's only 1 recommendation to my own narc mother: NO CONTACT! 👍

I remember for christmas getting my mom a gift card to her favorite store because i always had a history of getting my mom the wrong gift. So a gift card seemed to be a safe bet. My mom cried and threw the card in my face and said I didnt care about her.....i was 15 years old and spent all my babysitting money on that gift card.. Holidays are the worst. Christmas is still my least favorite holiday because every year she would make drama out of it.

I’ve isolated for awhile now and I’m beginning to Self Actualize and becoming Happier. It all started with reparenting myself. 1: Know Yourself(Years of Gaslighting caused Self Doubt) 2. Stop Comparing Yourself to others(due to constant comparisons made by NMom) 3. Making and Maintaining Eye Contact(Anxiety caused by NMom and Covert Sis) 4. Smiling(Narc Family was offended by my happiness during childhood) 5. Setting Boundaries(This pretty much keeps toxic folk from entering) Practicing these 5 steps has helped me to become the person I was always meant to be.

Realizing that your parents aren't capable of love was such a hard realization that I couldn't accept it until recently. I knew she made me feel terrible and my life would go to pieces whenever I had regular contact with her, my mind could not accept the why. I can accept the thought of nonexistence easier than that. Even writing this makes me feel ashamed.

The older I get, the more I become less bothered by Mother’s Day. I’m free from guilt gifting & feeling obligated to do things that I don’t feel are deserved. This day will be sweeter when I have children of my own, but for now I choose to not acknowledge this day at all.

I was relieved when my mother died.

at 13 i remember giving my mother an oil painting i did myself for mother's day, i bought the canvas, the materials, watched videos, damn i was really craving her validation so bad, i wanted to impress her. i was excited. but when she looked at it and put on a discontented face, straight up disappointment, she said 'meh'. i look back on that day and cry, cause i was only a child and i did not deserve at all. screw that woman.

Mine was broken by her death; I didn't realise about any of it until she went and suddenly, after the grief, there was this tremendous FREEDOM! I could go to bed when I want, watch whatever I want on TV, go where I wanted; it's amazing! Opening a cage that I ever saw. I was always making sure she was as happy as I could make her, it was never enough and there would always be something not right.

I gave up trying to please my mother around the age of 10 or 11. That's when I realized that My mother was a miserable person Years upon years of her doing everything she could to make me feel uncomfortable and humiliate me in front of people. Just made me want nothing to do with her anymore.

I haven't spoken to my mother in over 10 yrs because of this type of behavior. It's one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life. I finally feel good about myself and free.

Wow, I didn't expect to cry so much from watching this video. I was always my mom's emotional punching bag. It hurts me to see other people have such close loving relationships with their moms.

My mother was a text book narcissist. Would treat me like trash and treat my sister like gold. Buying her fancy gifts for holidays and birthdays and getting me dollar store stuff, paying for education and her wedding, but not mine… I could go on forever. She was super cruel and abusive to me… She was awful to my father too, who was an amazing kind soul

I wished my mother ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ and she replied ‘Ok’ bringing tears to my eyes. She is currently giving me silent treatment bcoz I told her she was wrong for yelling at me in front on my kid. I knew even before wishing her that she will crush my spirits. I am 30 years old and my mother pushes me into depression each time I interact with her.

In my childhood everything between my mom and me was about my mom.

I spent many wasted years trying to find a mother's love. I still have a hard time trusting anyone with my heart since my mother was a narcissist and my father an enabler and emotionally stoic. I have only a little contact with her as an adult because it's not possible to have a mutually supportive relationship with her. I got tired of being hurt and having the life sucked out of me.

A sad thing is to have your Grandma and Aunt say (more than once) " Your mother loves you in her own way." I worked very hard at making sure that my children and grandchildren know that I love them unconditionally. And at 70, I am still working on not keeping things so bottled up. I grew up thinking, "I will not let her see me cry."

For everyone that was told to follow the commandment about honoring their parents, G-d didn't mean let them get away with abuse. Today I can celebrate a day of freedom... from her. Nothing to miss.

There is a difference between reciprocating love, "honor thy parents", and feeling like you owe them.

This literally has changed my life. Identifying that it wasn’t me. That it was never me. The release from the toxicity of my relationship with my mother has been so so cathartic. What a gift, to know my mother is sick and that it never was my being but rather it was a deeply abnormal childhood.

This video is very comforting. When you feel like you're the only one in this situation you feel like you're going crazy.

After Years of trying to please my Mother, I finally Just Stopped and that decision lifted a Hugh Weight off my shoulders and my Life. I have learned that my Mother was also injured by her Mother, at the end of the day its just sad.

I learned my lesson. I know my happiness doesn’t depend on my mom or dad. And if they aren’t happy with the person I am, it’s their problems. They are the ones that live with those feelings, not me.

"Allow yourself to grieve it, but not blame yourself for it" ❤️

I’m in my 40s and I finally decided to break ties with my mother and other narc families members. That means I’m all alone in the world. I can’t stop crying for the first few months and I also got calls from other relatives(flying monkeys) and even police. I only spoke to the police and politely asked him not to call me again. He is very understanding even I didn’t provide much details, which magically comforts my heart. I’m still in the process of healing. The memory with my mom doesn’t hurt me that much. I’m also able to identify several narcissists around me.