I grew up around emotionally reactive adults. As a grown woman now, being self contained is a super power. Channeling your energy towards yourself, life and personal goals is the way to go.
I agree. My parents were raging and could be cruel. Family members would overreact. There was needless stress and so many of them reminded me of big babies. A big part of me is disgusted by their outbursts and the fact that they went on to wound their kids. Part of me feels really sorry for them.
@@kpaxian6044 This is my family. And this was me, for a long time. Until I saw through everything & recognized it for the BS it is. Now, I'm simply healing my trauma, changing my mindset and becoming resilient. And I'm moving away from that toxicity. 💪
Yes this confirmed something on my journey to self discovery. My parents are very reactive, worriers and fear drives them and it leaked onto me causing me issues throughout life. My dad has anger issues and my mum is very passive and won't argue or stand her ground. I am learning to forgive as i am realising we are all human beings with faults and underlying traumas or insecurities but i hold onto grudges and when hurt its very hard for me to let go ....a working process
On an even grander scale, I feel like the state of our world is the way it is because of so many unregulated emotions. I wish more people could see this😊
Absolutely, unregulated emotions creates diagnose's like narcissism, adhd and anixity which are related, depressions and more. Being concious of this and focus on heeling these emotional wound's would change everything
I’ve always felt really angry (and below the anger, misunderstood) when some people say that women are irrational and controlled by their emotions. I think being controlled by one’s emotions is a sign of being somewhat wounded, and that has nothing to do with gender or femininity/masculinity. Indeed, the feminine is intuitive and doesn’t always have to explain everything rationally or verbally, but I think one of the most important signs of healed (feminine) energy is the ability to self-regulate, to feel and honor one’s emotions without being controlled by them. Sending peace and love to anyone watching this video - we’re doing a good job❤
Hi, I love your comment. It's a frequent cause of frustration for my partner when he patiently explains (again) why he feels a certain way about a person or subject and I feel happy to hear him, but still prefer to trust my instinct if it feels wildly at odds with his logic. I'm comfortable with that. He, is not, and unfortunately feels disrespected. self-awareness is key. Thanks for the peace and love, here's some in return
I completely empathize with your perspective and emotional life experience. I wish the the title of her video was how to channel your emotions rather than how to master them because I feel that the most powerful lesson I’ve learned at the age of 53 is how to USE my emotions effectively. After having so many people take advantage of me due to wanting to people please, I went the opposite direction and became very angry and stopped cooperating with anyone for a period of time and would simply resist helping anyone and practically became a hermit protecting my time and energy. This didn’t resolve anything for me. When I learned how to assert my needs and desires effectively in the moment with anyone I was speaking to, my life changed. People saw me differently, took me seriously and respected me much more and I no longer have to hermit away or fear get togethers with large groups because I understand my own boundaries. I use my emotions to guide me. I don’t whip them around and “master” them like someone who tries to “tame” a shrew. I HONOR my feelings and speak the truth of them in as polite and respectful way as possible and I allow people to feel their feelings and express them too. But I don’t hold myself accountable anymore to how anyone else feels. Because I know I am only responsible for how I feel and behave. No one else. That’s what boundaries taught me.
Jillz, it will be amazing if you make us a video of the dos and don'ts in different stages of dating like talking stage, exclusive dating , fully committed relationship, etc. It's vital and really needed to take charge of our feminine energy.
Something I want to mention about triggers is that the reason so many people react so impulsively when they are triggered is because of how the brain works when someone is traumatized. Read The Body Keeps the Score, it explains in detail how the brain is rewired when you are traumatized, and how different it is compared to normal people.
@@yara.7973 everybody has something they are reacting to, the world is full of wounded people. It is an individual responsibility to work through them and actively heal and continue to be better.
It is different, but no matter the trauma every person still has the choice to choose to want more of life than to be defined by it. That is within everybody’s reach 🙏🏼
This was gold. What a fantastic analysis of the issue and the process of maturing into a self aware and emotionally intelligent person. Thank you Jilz! I especially love “your peace is your power” and the “let them philosophy”. As Victor Frankly says, our power is in the choice between the stimulus and the response. Character is the only thing we truly own. Everything else can (and on our death bed, will) be taken from us. Investing in personal growth and the cultivation of character and intentional habits is the best use of our time and energy…and the soil that all of our best accomplishments grow out of.
This was just what I needed this morning. I've always had the tendency to blame myself for how others (even strangers) treat me. I've started to realise that how others treat me is not what I deserve - it's how they want to treat me. As an extreme example: people sometimes suck up to horrible people - not because they think these people deserve it but because they decide to do so. Maybe they think it will get them benefits like popularity or whatever. So, if someone treats me badly, let them, because that shows me their true colours. Let them show what they really are. All I can do is hold my fort and show them my boundaries.
I actually cried half of your video. I' m sure it's because you are spot on. Happy to have found this video, it' s a lifetime process of growing and healing, isn't it? Thank you and lots of ❤
What I really appreciate about your videos is that you always share some unusual way of thinking about something that I sincerely have never heard/thought about. The same thing here, it was so revealing. Thank you!
When I turned 18 this year, I just had a feeling in my mind that I want to change and as an eldest daughter I wanted someone to guide me, and suddenly I found you jills...thank you so much , I love watching your videos lots of love ❤
Jillz you are like an elder sister to me. Whenever I needed to learn certain things, your videos will always pop up on my feed. Really needed this one and it really helped me understand quite a lot of things.
Love this topic! And I'm so glad you emphasized the need to *feel* one's feelings, not just avoid them, pretend they don't exist, or move "beyond" them without even experiencing the actual feeling (like I feel is such a misunderstood and underrepresented point in a lot of content out there). And, your peace is your power - love it! 😍💗
What a warm and kind environment and community here! 😊 Jillz, I have been following your content for a while now, and it is such a gift to find people who are and communicate in a soft, gentle, caring way. It makes vulnerable, tough topics like triggers be much easier to hear about and digest. I realized recently that I am naturally drawn to the gentle, kind people the most. So I need to consciously look for them in my real life as well and stop accepting, forcing the company of cynical, overly sarcastic and unnecessarily blunt people. All the best and thank you for what you do! ❤
Wow! So eye opening. Love the examples and simple language. Takeaways: Your emotions and reactions are not the same thing. Feel your emotions. Find the space and time to let them out. If someone wants to do x, y, z LET THEM. This reveals to you who they really are... Love this in particular bc some of us are afraid to see people for who they really are. We almost prefer the lie over the truth. When we "let them", it's us finally letting go and becoming willing to see things and people for how and who they actually are and not how we wish them to be. Ugh! So good!!
Great video. Thank you. I often tell my clients that you can't press a button that's not there anymore, and when you completely heal an issue, that button is removed from your "inner control panel."
Hi, that's so interesting. I say that because I know there are points that I needed to heal from and I know that once they're truly dealt with, I have difficulty remembering what was there. Either that or I bury the thought deeply, but I don't think that is was happens. The release is real.
Stumbled across this video right after I have a confusion between me and my friend. I actually have no idea why he acted that way but just let him be because it’s how he sees me and how he wants to treat me as. So my answer is my choice! I’m kind of disappointed of how he behaves but it’s how he is, therefore, it’s okay to let him go :)
This was such a well thought out video and you conveyed your points so effectively. I wrote the points in my journal for reference! I have found when I let go of outcomes I can't control, it really does leave you with a greater sense of peace. All the negativity and angst ultimately hurts yourself and can spill out to those around you.
You’re looking simply stunning, Jillz! Skin is glowing and you radiate positivity, love your channel and how you explain things and talk to your viewers. Thank you for sharing your beautiful energy and thoughts with us all!
Emotional Regulation is paramount for people in general, but especially for women who're generally expected to be this way simply because we're female.
Absolutely paramount. However, I would argue the emphasis should be the opposite actually; men need to take more control at this point in time to control their emotions as society is largely male-centered and they subject far more violence against women and others than the other way around. Systemic and societal issues largely are rooted from men’s lack of emotional regulation and internalized misogyny and prejudice. Women are already taught more to be in tune with their emotions vs men and women do not need to bear the consequences and violence of men’s emotional neglect and shortcomings. Ideally, both/every gender/every person should have emotional mastery. The more people have it, the healthier a society.
I suggest watching julianhimself channel on letting go. His work coincides with this channel and both stem from the psychologist carl jung. 😊 the path to self awareness and healing deep wounds is the only way ❤
Pure Unadulterated Genius...again. I cried all throughout this cause these gems you just dropped are priceless. 🎯 Self Awareness is legit high value. I’m an advocate of daily journaling, mindfulness meditation, creativity, therapy, and Magic! Love this: “Its not about suppressing the emotion. It’s about being *conscious* of the emotion so you can then suppress, control, and maintain power over the reaction.” Brilliantly helpful. Thanks Jillz.
I shed one too. Hit home, especially about trying to control external factors. I been stressed out and reactive and seeing this put me back on the path 😊❤
You are such a great teacher. I agree & would like to add...it's impossible to become self-aware w/o understanding why you lack self-awareness to begin with. It does stem from childhood emotional neglect. I read a book Running on Empty by Dr. Jonice Webb, PhD regarding childhood emotional neglect & highly recommend it. Thanks for sharing!
Jillz, this is so timely for me right now. I’ve been so stressed and reactive! So easily triggered 😢 These are such amazing suggestions! Thank you so much for always adding so much value to my life!!
This literally showed up for me in the midst of trying to be less reactive to this immediate situation I need help with. Breath, and think how I can walk myself through it for a better outcome. Thank you!💜
Yes indeed. Very good and home hitting video and reminded me to go back to writing and assessing myself and stop self wallowing as i have for the past few days. ❤Im learning about coping mechanisms, emotional dysregulation and how to actually be in control of me as my emotions are an issue. It really is like i have all this power as emotions are strong but don't know what to do with it. The more i learn the most aware i am becoming and have on certain occasions caught myself before i ended up in another argument. Id say learning what triggers you is pivotal. I am learning about personality types and ended up on carl jung which your videos resonate with. Biggest battle is myself for i am my worst enemy and now i just want a truce lmao. 😊 keep up these valuable lessons everyone should know, and you are very good at explaining it so its understandable. ❤
Love your videos Jillz! I am going through a transition from my old reactive self to the new and improved version! A LOT of emotions are coming up, old beliefs, HABITS etc., My old self focused on people pleasing and everything external. I am making an effort to live from the inside, out. Grief is real; letting go of who I thought I was (usually through someone else's eyes) and embracing my true self is a journey. It's like a movie where I am on a train and I can't get off until the destination.
Not only you're very classy and intelligent, but your English is soo clear that even though I'm not a native speaker I never notice that we speak two different languages (and it barely happens)!
All I can say is wow. This video is so so helpful. A self coaching sessions for free. So glad I clicked on this video. It was so detailed on the steps I have to be aware of. Thank you
Thank you Jillz, I have been chipping away at this for what feels like forever.. I had some massive triggers overcome me today, and this was just the motivation I needed to keep working on myself. The wound goes much deeper than I thought it did.
Another great video, Jillz. I only hope I’ll be able to put your suggestions into practice. It’s quite difficult to stay stoic when you’ve been deeply hurt but what I find works for me is that I’m probably ready to talk about something if I don’t feel it in my chest/throat whenever I think about it :) xx
Thank you so much I really need to hear this! Could you make a video of tips how to get over jealousy and how to react when our spouse has a close opposite gender friends (assuming that we’re all straight). Thanks in advance ❤
This is a rare video that I found on this topic and so so well explained. Bravo Jillz and thank you so so much!!! A really valuable video ❤❤❤ thank you 🎉
Hey Jillz, thanks for this. You are touching on so many valuable points and they all seem pertinent to me on my point in my journey. Thank you :) I'd also like to compliment you on your delivery, you've up-levelled recently. I hope you don't mind the observation, I mean it in a very complimentary way x
I am so much less reactive now I'm in my 40s, however, I still think I'm a long way to go to get to where I want to be emotionally. I've suffered from a young age, I had an abusive grandmother (who raised me) and it caused me so much trauma, but now I see what I can do to let go of all the crazy and messed up things that happened to me and live a better life. I see it, but I'm not always able to really let go, however, I like to think I'm on the right path. Jillz, thank you so much for your videos. I"m learning a lot and I love the way you talk. It's both soothing and acertive at the same time.
First of all Thank you so much much GIRLLL for making this video it really helps me understand myself ...I finally feels like someone understands me❤😭 and I relate to everything you said...I am actually on a journey to heal and work on my self and be the best version and your video was just what i needed🥰 Btw you are so beautiful 😍and you look like love from the series "YOU"
This was magical, literally I had just had a situation that's triggered me and when I took my phone there you were helping me navigate my emotions ❤❤❤❤
You speak about a lot of topics and ideas I’ve read in books. You also bring up books you’ve read here and there. I think it would be really interesting if you made a video about your favorite books and ones you recommend. (Or more videos if you’ve already done this). For example, I’m curious if you’ve read any Ryan Holiday books because you reference stoicism. I think people in the comments can connect when books are part of the discussion. You seem to have a lot of knowledge and I think many people would love to hear where you’ve learned it. Much love!!! ❤️
Hey. I loved the video and the the topic is so relatable and recently I was going through this feeling that I react a lot to my emotions that I ruin everything. But I am gonna try this ❤
This could be one of your most powerful videos. ❤I also thought to make a video about this topic 🙏💚 thank you for your channel and for sharing your wisdom with a kind heart. Many greetings Monika .
