How To Deal With Abusive Parents | Ask Shaykh YQ #52 

I am so glad to see a clear answer on this topic. Like many I am sick and tired of people telling you to respect parents it seems that they are able to get away with anything. So many scholars add to the pain of the person who has suffered by not giving an intelligent answer. Jazak Allah Khair Shaikh may Allah bless you

as a mother my heart hurts. how can you bring a child into this world and abuse them? a lot of asian parents tend to be emotionally manipulative as well. name calling, threatening, talking your kid down, humiliating them in front of everyone etc are all a part of many asian cultures. seriously if you can't raise a kid right without resorting to any form of ab^se then keep your damn legs closed!

Thank you for at least talking about this, most people act like this is normal

I am abused thrashed and insulted by my own mother. I can't do anything. I can only complain my Allah.may ALLAH help every child who have such bad parents. AMEEN

These topics are easily brushed under the carpet. For south asian parents, emotional abuse doesn’t even exist. We need to talk about these topics more. It is currently such a huge issue in our muslim family systems but no real solution. Thanks for this video

Been in a similar situation..but the perpetrator has been my mom. From as far back as i can remember i never had a healthy relationship with her. She abused me the most cuz i was the quiet one. I tried to distance myself from her but it triggered her more. She is the reason i’ve silently cried to Allah for the past 30 years of my life. Now as a married adult, i am unable to see myself as a mother. I dont want any children cuz i’m too scared to turn out like her. Sometimes i feel that has damaged me beyond repair. And she never wants to take the blame for anything, humiliating me all the time in front of family and extended relatives. A ruined childhood, the ripples of which are trickling into my adulthood...

The biggest issue in these types of lectures is that it's the children who see, hear and feel these but the parents never do. They wouldn't even search for this content. It's the traumatized children who do this to seek help psychologically and in terms of Islam

May Allah bless you for even touching this topic. All scholars just shy away from such critical issues. So happy to see that you will talk about abusive parents. May Allah bless you.

I can't stop crying while listening to this video. This sums up how hurt i still am while in my late 20s.

It is about time we talk about this subject as a community....

Wow Having been abused mentaly, emotionally and economicly, i grew up staying away from my family inside the house. Hating them and hating myself. Thinking i was abnormal. Having no selfesteem whatsoever. Hate being around, interacting with people. I don't show my emotions. I cant have a deep conversation, without tears so i avoid any deep talk. I cant stop thinking about the past. I feel a deep pain and emptiness inside me. I try to let go and forgive. But i can't forget. Always asking myself why? Why? Why? I would never commit suicide but everyday i wish i wasn't born, that i dont wont to live this life. I dont have any love for myself. It's like my WHOLE life was one periode of depression, 36 now. I try to remember myself that my parents had issues, being in a different country, dad working all day. Mom working at home full time, depression (i was born 1 month before my sister, 4years old, died)... Why? Why? I cant remember receiving any type of physical love when i was living at home. only from outsiders.

I feel most scholars and imams often tell everyone to respect parents and how much of a sin it is to treat them badly. However, it is also a sin to treat human beings badly eg children, which is often forgotten about. Are the scholars and imams focusing on parents for their own personal gains eg to get their children to be slaves to them or are they spreading this message because Allah loves those who are good to their parents? Something to think about. There needs to be a balance when speaking about the rights of parents. There are some parents abusing their children badly and they forget they will be punished in hell for that. Part of the blame goes to religious leaders. Astagfirullah some fathers are molesting their own daughters. May Allah punish those fathers. And these fathers probably dont think it is a big deal because it has been drilled into their heads that parents have such a high and special status in Islam. May Allah give us knowledge.

JazakAllah for addressing this topic which is completely glossed over/ignored by our scholars. There are muslim brothers and sisters whose life is turned into a living hell by one or both of the parents. And because the only thing they hear in the khutbah is that you can't even say uff to the parents (which is stated in the Quran obviously), but never is a situation addressed where the children are being abused. And sometimes these children want to commit suicide but they cannot because its haraam. So that conference regarding abuse in the community especially in the context of parents would be highly appreciated and I believe it will help a lot of people struggling to come to terms with this.

Jazak Allah Khair...all scholars make it seem if you are parents you have right to mistreat and abuse in all possible ways and it is so easy to get away with emotional and verbal abuse as it leaves no scars and this abuse has a domino effect. Parents think by virtue of being parents they have immunity and are not answerable to Allah.

"the more the dhulm (injustice) increases, the less the huqooq (rights) are there"

There will be no real reconciliation and the parents always think they’re right. They think they’re infallible and beyond reproach. And of course the burden to forgive and let go will fall on the children who were subjected to bad parents in order to protect and ease the guilt of the adult parents who should have behaved better. How can parents simultaneously be the smartest and wisest in the home but when confronted with their wrong doings they get to claim “I didn’t know any better, I was ignorant” ?? How convient that they get to have it both ways and never take responsibility for their cruelty and disrespect. Parent “diplomatic” immunity because they DECIDED to reproduce and bear children that never asked to be born or suffer. It’s beyond unjust and no amount of religious theorizing and shaming will make it feel fair and good.

Jazakallah Khair, as someone who has suffered a lifetime of abuse from both parents, it brings me relief to hear a scholar talking about children's rights. For us who are victims of parental abuse, it's wrong for scholars to just expect us to have patience and tolerate the abuse. That's not what Islam teaches us - children have rights too.

I am a 39 year old female who lives with her parents. Both of my parents abused me and still do. I have dealt with physical, emotional, economic, and psychological abuse. My life has been a complete hell. When they talk about Hell on Earth, my life is it. I didn't know about economic abuse until I read this article. My father makes me BEG him for money for my food. He doesn't turn on the air conditioning any lower than 85 degress, even when it is almost 100 degrees outside. He makes a six-figure salary but he spends it all gambling at the casino and with mistresses. Growing up, my stepmother threw metal chairs on top of me and smashed my head into the wall. But the worst was the mental abuse she inflicted on me. I once had to call the police JUST because of the WORDS that were coming out of her mouth...they were so painful I will not repeat them...and when the police came to our apartment, she told them that I was "hallucinating" and made it all up! The worst part of her saying that is that I HAVE HALLUCINATED before and have a psychotic illness. SO she was using my illness to defend herself when she was clearly in the wrong. Rarely a day passes that I don't cry. My parents literally make me cry EVERY SINGLE DAY. I am on Disability insurance for mental illness (which was in large part due to their abuse) and am saving money to leave one day. Until then, the ONLY THING THAT helps me is praying to ALLAH. Folks, if you have a life where you find yourself smiling everyday, consider yourself BLESSED.

My parents torture me and always prioritise my brother and the reason they give me is that "we are your parents, we can do what we want and you have no right to complain" and the second reason they give me is that "you are a girl and you must bear all this cause you have to get married one day and you must learn to be pissed off!" So many girls of my age (15 years) start dreaming about their marriage and life partner but here I am, who hates it now, I don't want to become a slave or a such parent to my children what my parents are to me! I am so sorry Allah tallah that I'm saying this about my parents but yes I am really suffering, I am fed up! Oh Allah please give me courage to deal with all this and solve all my problems!

I was very talented and motivated child. But some people destroyed my mindset. I loved science so much. My ambition was to become a scientist. But my father continously crushed my dreams. Now i have no motivation to do anything. My life destroyed. Now i have no wish to live. I am not lying. My father always do injustice to me. He never motivate me but always destroy my confidence. I never saw a father like this. But he still pretended as a good father infront of people. But i am depressed for more than one year mainly because of him. No one under stand my mental pain😭

It's about time people realize this is a thing and it is happening in the indian subcontinent as much as it is happening in America or England or another big country/city. The difference is that when we face emotional and mental abuse we are forced to shut up in the name of "Wabil walidaini ehsaana" or if you are fortunate enough for supportive people around you that understand it as abuse they are just like.... "Have Sabr." It's killing our emotions and it's killing our mind. Which leads to people saying... "Oh Great! First you're certified crazy and now you are doing a majour sin by not listening to parents....." I swear these people will have a gigantic court day. If not in this world then the next Insha Allah.

This carries on in south asian communities it's because the parents' keep one golden child in the family. They tend to "love" (control) this child through over praising and over pampering. They then use the golden child as an example of an obedient child. There's alot of manipulation involved and playing one child against the other. It's the escape goat in the family that usually get's the abuse, the child that speaks out on the parents toxicity is recognised as the trouble maker by the family. For the parents its so important to keep the golden child as their role model child to control the others in the family. I've seen this in so many asian families. It carries on more because the golden children defend the parents without seeing the abuse towards the other siblings. They become entitled and narcissistic. These behaviours are passed down onto the next generations.

I can’t stop crying because when I have children I’ll never treat them the way I was treated

Even quran says not to cut ties, but how am I continue with someone, who's never changed, who's destroyed my life, my identity? And is ready to take rewards when I am doing good. This is hypocrisy. I can't bear. I cry all the time. thank you for the honest answer.

sometimes,reaching out to even close relatives wont work.welp

Asalamwrwb Brothers n Sisters. Jzk khairan so much Sheikh Yasir for your courage in dealing with this extremely sensitive topic n shedding light n helping the children of such parents even when these children are still abused when they reach adulthood. May Allah SWT reward you and your whole generation with Aafiyat ameen thumma ameen.

There are very few dislikes in this video. I think her father and parents like her father are giving those dislike. Just a thought 💭

i hate my mom she treats me so bad and treats my brothers good shes the reason why i have a anxietys and shes the reason why i cant talk to anyone cuz im always scared because since i was young whenever we have guests i was locked in my room i could never talk so im use to being by myself so talking to people gave me anxiety and sometimes she says she wishes i was dead..... she never told this my brothers but me....and im the one caring for her more than any one of them ah... and sometimes she says '' do u wanna be slut''..... because i tell her i wanna move out cuz i cant take it anymore ........ so am i wrong? for saying i dont like her...........she hits me calls me things whennn i do everything my brothers dont do for her........so if im going to hell for it ohwell ....iguess life and after life isnt for me

Jazak Allahu Khayran Dr. Qadhi. When I heard this question, my very first instinct was to think about things which Allah Azzawajal says for children and parents in the Quran. My mind went blank and I was very irritated. However, when you started unfolding the different verses of the Quran and the Hadith of the Prophet (SAW), I realized that parents are a subset of human beings. As such, they are governed by the Islamic principles which governs human beings (and Muslims in particular). You provided me (and all of us) with a new way to view the horizon (basically - to think out of the box). I really appreciate you and your knowledge. Thank you so much Akhi. Assalamwalaikum Warahamatullahi Wabarakatuh.

I'm 15 year's old my mother says me rubbish things which I I cnnt even able to listen day by day I'm getting depressed I don't know what to do how to control

Why is this not viral

Ya Allah help us..

My mother has been Ungrateful unappreciative unsupportive miserable and very selfish for over 50 years, and now she can’t understand why her 6 adult children don’t come to visit her, how many more years do we have to take her complaining misery in the name of religion?

This triggers a lot and yet I am 65 years old!

Very Helpful For Me Because I Have A Mentally Abusive Mom But My Dad Is Amazing And She Keeps On Telling Me About Parents Rights In Islam ALL THE TIME.

Elhamdullah I needed that video. My mum has always been hating her daughters and loving her sons. She loves money more than anything. She never loved me or my sister never show us love. She was refusing to give is stuffs to eat like candies because we should keep it for our brothers. She was asking me and my sister to give her money but never to my brothers. Elhamdullah. She did not want to talk to me for more than 3 years, when i took my apartment. Now i'm 42 and i told her at 39 that i wanted to marry. She went totally crazy and refused. Saying bad stuffs about my "now husband". Even if she does not know anything about him. She refused totally my wedding. I'm 42 so I asked to my little brother to give me his acceptation. Now elhamdullah i'm married halal. But she refuses to talk to me, she make me away from her house and her life. And even my sister who was trying to support me, she is 45 and not married yet because my mum prevents her her whole life to do so. She is taking my sister for her nurse her cooker her wallet even if she is earning less money than my mum. My sister has amazing heart, God bless her. She stands for my wedding but now my mum nearly slapped her and make her away from her house. My mum does not want to talk to us anymore. What can I do? She has the right to be like that with us? She said to my brother that i'm a bitch, because I wanted to marry and she is trying to make them not talking to me ever, by saying bad stuffs about me, by swearing she will not talk to them ever if theh talk to me What I did wrong? I'm suffering inside. My husband is amazing elhamdullah My mum is making doua against me and my sister to die, that i will fail in my wedding..... If someone can, please give me piece of advices. Make doua for me and my family. Elhamdullah. Sorry for my bad English, it's not my language

Parents never healed front their own traumas. Generational trauma is what the whole world is carrying on the backs. What I see is married couples that is unhealed and still child themselves having children of their own. What do we expect from those parents? They will project their unprocessed emotions onto their children. And if someone from the family doesn't stop the generational trauma the trauma will continue. Raising children the right way is the most important duty and should be one in of the most important topics amongst Muslim communities. I have been talking about this issues for the past few years and I am happy that more people are starting to speak about it.

Thank you Dr. Yasir we need more of this lecture especially in Muslim communities in the Muslim majority countries! Salam form Indonesia

I’ve been going through this since I was a child dealing with an abusive parent. I’m a grown adult now and it still effects me to this today and trauma has effected all parts of my life to the point where I have no self worth. I’m so glad that more and more Muslims are talking about this bc i remember being even 10 years ago their was virtually nothing online regarding Islam and abusive parents. I still wonder if I’m being sinned for even talking or speaking out about my experiences. The few times when I did reach out for help I was either shamed by parent or laughed at by people. I can’t just move out bc that’s looked down upon and I don’t have health insurance to seek therapy. I feel so lost on what to do

Thank you very much for bringing this topic. Unfortunately, Islamic speakers fail to mention these issues that are very prevalent in Asian communities (South Asian, East Asia, as well as Middle East). May Allah guide those who have tarnished relationships with their mother and/or father.

This is a so sensitive lecture. Questioning yourself before questioning parents,because your action will judge by your intention. Salam from Kolkata India.

I'm losing my faith because of my trauma. When I was a child my dad would hit me everytime I got an Ayah wrong in the Quran and that trauma has resulted in me feeling physically sick when it comes to Salah time. My dad makes us read Quran every night and I don't get a choice. If I refuse I get beaten. I'm sick to death of reading Quran, I don't want to even look at it anymore because it's the source of all my pain and anxiety. 😢

Make a video on narcissitic parents and siblings and abuse in joint family system in pakistan and south asia

Finally a lecture about this topic!!!

i came here, even tho im not muslim, because my mom is very abusive :C thank you

Sad to hear such cases but always seek help from close family or relatives. Blessings from UK. 😓🤲

Please speak more about Narcissism in parenting and marriage. It is obvious that narcissism is in the rise.

My family has problems everyday there always has to be a new argument and i can’t take it like my mum today just shouted at me all day and called me names until i went college i come back and she is still shouting at me like give me a fucking break! And they are like this most of the time but some days they r fine like wtf do they have bipolar disorder

Everywhere it's respect parents respect parents.i have no clue if this is the talk i want to listen.my parents do love me a lot and infront of the society they are extremely proud of me because of my studies and all that but deep down they don't realize that their fights ,their problems,their abusing was just a thing to them they had to deal with but as a kid to watch and go through all that and the physical abuse which comes along with their anger which is complimentary. And then you find solace as u get out of the house (hostel for studies).thats wen u realize what kind of a person you are.you are completely different person wen u r not around them.there is no anger,no abuse,there is just peace which u really strt to enjoy except one thing u carry because of ur emotionally abusive background you prefer being alone unlike your friends and u never share anyy beyond a limit .u limit urself for everything .And then wen u choose a person who u think life will be worth living and then wen u confront ur parents .as their relationship was so bad and how that toxicity they had put in you.you are literally carrying it..they never let u decide for yourself and as an obedient kid u accept their decision (manipulatiely getting u out of that) and saying mean things about the guy they never spoke or never met.and they decide.and as an obedient kid u knw ur parents will only think good for you .u accept their decision and let go of it .then unfortunately during lock down u are back home ur mother puts all tbe burden on you and goes away for sometime from you.she just forgets that the toxicity they had carried becomes an mental illness when u r older.1.they are not into deen 2.they are not happy which wouldn't let u be happy 3.contant virtual fights 4.as they become old as a young responsible daughter it is your duty to take care of them but everytime till the time the person wakes up.its very peaceful and then wen the person wakes up u get this feeling inside you.things will be bad and u will be hurt so be prepared and learn to ignore and not cry about it.and then wen u try to stay away from that and concentrate on ur classes u hear banging on ur door,abusive words.i would just pray that the lock doesn't break And then wen you lose your mind and begin reacting all u can hear from them is crying and whimping..(everybody needs money and nothing else because deep down he never had a good relation with his wife (young couple with problems) .they pass on the toxicity ,disrespective words to you and to a mother wen u talk about all this just says.u stay out of it and don't interfere + who is extremely proud of u for ur materialistic acheievements and boosts abt it to the whole family and tortures u from inside..it is very difficult to carry the toxicity and again again again they ingest it in you wen u r older.you want to get out of it..but they won't let u..it's really difficult..i would rather appreciate from now on atleast scholars rather than talking abt parents right...please do talk about the responsibilities ,respect,how to treat that child with respect ,and dignity and the most important part wen u r below 3 or4 yrs the child never remembers how u did treat them. But they do when the kids are older. Atleast treat them as humans and not not something which was created by you .so u can treat however u want .it's a blessing and i hope this toxicity and grief goes away from me and i hope i am never this kind of example in my future...

It’s not a religion thing. My family told me to think negative. There was yelling. I remember my sister crying for a long time. She was little. I don’t think she remembers. Or maybe she is in denial. I don’t understand her. I do feel dehumanized. But no one said anything as bad as I wish you were never born. I feel sorry if that happened to someone. I am familiar with psychological abuse. I didn’t understand that it was wrong, so I kept quiet. Even white families can have a toxic parent. My brother said that his parents helped him through college. I was put on a medication for not being able to deal with emotional abuse. That I was told that I shouldn’t have a higher education. That I became angry. That people who graduated with me talked about how they enjoyed college. My dad tried his best to get me into self-hatred. He told me that I am not smart. I don’t like being compared to anyone. Sometimes the people who we call normal aren’t normal in everyone’s eyes. Everyone has different experiences. We have to respect this. Although, I don’t see this. In America, there’s hatred towards all types of people by people who need a scapegoat because of their assumptions. It was ridiculous to see black young ladies interview Vladimir Putin. It seemed judgmental. They were trying hard to see him as their assumptions. We hear that Putin is dangerous. Personally, I don’t know him.

Abusing your own kids is the only crime that truly deserves stoning someone to death. its biologically the biggest abomination imaginable. humans have the longest development period of any animal species. we survive by virtue of how we show care and affection for our kids. parents first have responsibilities not rights. coercive control (bullying) of a child in your care is child abuse and illegal in the uk. Prolonged emotional abuse in childhood leaves measurably slower brain growth which causes life long problems like: attention difficulties, difficulty and anxiety in relating to others, personality disorders, PTSD - abusive parents should really be paying damages for life to the child and society!

My whole family is so mentally and emotionally abusive!! My mom thinks that she can do whatever she wants, treat me the way she likes, and abuse me and says its her right to do that coz she's my mom 😵, she is the reason I have mental health issues, my whole family says that too that u cannot complain about anything just coz she's ur mom and u r her property and she can do anything to u and its allowed for her in Islam (please tell me if that is wrong or right) and they also say that children don't even have a right to explain themselves if they are right, they have to say sorry no matter what just because they are younger, they say children don't even have a right to even walk away if they are being abused and Even if its effecting their mental health, they have to tolerate that toxic behaviour, I really think adults don't have a right to b respected at all if they don't respect their childrens' feelings!! V r all humans and we all deserve respect!! Its not our fault that v were born later..

Am a Muslim and my mother and father crippled my older brother and my other older bother to drove him crazy he is in very bad mental state he lost his mind and now there starting on me am one of the youngest we’re how does Allah want me to respect them how am so confused

my mom tells me she wishes i was never born and im her only daughter which sucks lol

Very sensitive and sad situation common in our families and communities. It has very deep impact on individual and grows with them until old age if not addressed and sorted out ....

The relatives saw the child being mentally abused and the child's mentality changed drastically. Yet the closed relatives, who actually brought up the boy, didn't say anything to the parents! Because the child is not important compared to the social and economic ties they have with his parents. Humans are sooo petty. The boy just wants to die. He thinks, that he is not fit for this world, may be the next world will be a little bit more in favor of him.

Aameen. As always an enlightening insight into a much needed issue in society that hardly gets any attention.

I have the same problem with anonymous sster. My father used to utter very disgusting words even though he is performing salah. Now, we siblings are distant from him then he gots envious of my our closeness to our mother. Until now even were grown up listening to my father's voice give me anxiety and fear.. Astagfirullah. All of us wanna escape if he is around becoz of fear being attack verbally.

My dad gave me away to his brother when I was a baby but still mentally abuses me all these years later and expects me to treat him like a king when all he is is a narcissist and user.

haha good luck trying to talk about abuse to your family. its such a difficult topic to speak about especially in Muslim households. We are told to hush about it and worse forget about it while being shamed and invalidated

the sister who wrote in has Complex PTSD btw - it can grip your life if you are trapped somewhere where you keep getting triggered by the trauma - i.e a family home with your abuser in it - also i think its very weak to just tell the victim to reach to family - this is an area where mosques must provide practical help with getting therapy - DO MORE.. abusers hide behind religion - mosques must adress them . it is your duty to help abused children help the most vulnerable in your immediate community

What about physically abusive fathers-in-law?

Psychological and emotional abuse victim here 🙋‍♀️💔

ma sha Allah! being the mother of my daughter I've learned from this video and I'll try to remember that yes, I've to answer my Allah Taa'la for my behaviour to my daughter and for all of my misdeeds, Allahu Gafurur Rahim. At the same time, I've also learned that parents can abuse emotionally, economically and psychologically.

Trust me If Suicide wasn't haram and wouldn't put to hell forever. I'd be dead long time back.

I’m a 17 year old. I used to model, and my parents were okay with it. I don’t wear a scarf and I know it’s wrong but it’s hard for me to wear hijab when all of my friends, and all of the people around me don’t, especially that my parents were never so strict and demanding, and it’s the fact that I wanna dress and be like other girls. When I started modeling I used to pay all my tuition fees which is a lot. my parents were always stingy with me but it was okay with me since I can pay so what’s the big deal. They all of a sudden think that it’s haram to model and that I shouldn’t be modeling and they’re forcing me to stay home, and on top of that they always make feel so bad and slutty about myself even tho they encouraged me in the beginning. Now they always abuse me verbally and we’ve drifted a lot since I try to avoid talking to them as much as possible. They say stuff like slut, satan, a disgrace, we wish we never had u, piece of shit, how I make their life a living hell and how I’m such a bad person and so on.whenever they pay my tuition fees they always make me feel like a burden, and that they don’t wanna pay my tuition fees to help me out with school, I tell them I can work so I can pay money if it’s hard for them to pay and they just get even more mad. They always humiliate me until they give me money if I ever need it. It just makes me feel like they were okay with it cause I used to pay my tuition fees but now they act like this cause I can’t work since I’m in quarantine and I also think that they went from everything is halal to everything is haram. My dad cheats on my mom and thinks I don’t know and then he has the audacity to say would u be okay if I ever cheat on your mom? Although I already know he does. I have a cat and I love her a lot and he always threatens me that he’s gonna kill her or sell her or throw her on the streets and when I try to defend myself he gets mad. I know for a fact I’m not a bad person I pray and I fast. I also like to do sadaqah and help people out and i know I’m not the greatest and I know my clothe might be a bit revealing but I try my best. I really don’t know what to do. They make me hate them as well as sad. I feel like they’re pressuring me and I don’t know what to do.

This is why the pullout method was taught in Islam and also why birth control is halal! If you don’t want kids! Don’t have them! If you can not look after your self don’t have burden children If you can not feed yourself and spouse and are still living in your parents home Don’t have kids and abuse them! Worse Disgusting animal behaviour having kids then abusing them!

May Allah make us conscious of our duties n obligations towards our children...whom we take so much for granted...this ummah will never develop until the relations in a family fulfil each other's haq

Thank u ! I needed to know this so much😔

Maasyaa Allah thanks for mentioning the surah Baqarah, it was so much needed. My heart straightaway feels lighter, from worry and fear of what i'm facing. And alhamdulillah i gain confidence to keep going, knowing that Allah won't bear us with more than what we can take. Jazaakallah Khayran.

My parent been on ice for most of his life and still fucks around with it every now and then even though it's caused so much destruction in our family. He had a hoe for a wife who cheated on him and ended up leaving him and the kids for a ice dealer PS they have always glorified drugs and the wana be Gangster life. My father became Muslim Alhamdulillah and I came to the Deen a year or 2 after. I his son had my own kids and wife who I lost for a while due to my drinking and actions, at the same time my sister lost her kids due to ice and a abusive partner so I had to take on my nephew's through doc's. So my father moved in his mother's house my nan! who raised me ! Wile he was off partying most of his life, which is an older house on a property he's lived there for years and with his mother doing everything for the kids she's 94 but she left last year due to breaking her hip now she stays with her daughter who looks after her more and cares for her , which I think was great as she was withering away while she was living with my father who is so abusive and angry to her which always put her on edge and made her loose heaps of weight . Alhamdulillah she's out of there it's the same I used to put up with untill I moved. He's always been completely reliant on marijuana and spends all his money on it and has no motivation to do anything it's the same as a methadone patient that can't go away from his chemist. Now I have 3 kids and a wife of my own and a house over town which I don't deserve that Allah had restored for me ,so he's always going on about who's got the better house and who has this and that PS when I had nothing and was living in a small place he would say nothing U couldn't feel the the envy on him now that things are better for me he hated it yet he hasn't payed a bill or for rates or for gass in his life his been living for free for 8 years he doesn't even have to pack his kids lunches for school, the shoes he's got I bought the clothes he's got I bought I've payed for vet bills took him on multiple holidays for weeks at the beach whilst pushing my family and kids to the side and still I give him money and help when ever he wants and go and visits to see if he needs help or to just watch a movie with him but if he doesn't have his cones (marijuana) he start raving about who's got the better house and who has this and like a competitionbut always never fails to get up in your face and spit in your face and try to intimidate you and you cannot say anything back I've had enough of this and I am drawing the lineface in but I've held back for the sake of of Allah now I just can't be around him or I might kill him or him me I'm sick of his abuse he is under this impression that he's the only 1 that Allah hasn't blessed , he just can't see his blessings his got all his kids never pays or has payed a bill in his life always with out fail has a bag full of marijuana doesn't even have to pack his kids my (bro and sis) lunches for school and gets helped all the time and has his full pay to him self. He is so jealous and envious of anybody else doing good I swear he is suffering from the evil eye I feel Allah is telling me to stay away from him so no bad things happen he is so jealous and not once has he said good on U son. After I pay 600 dollars rent and the rest of the bills I pay Im left with hardly anything yet he has his full pay to his self which he spends mostly on marijuana he blames everybody but himself for he's shit I've strayed from Allah myself but Im attempting to make a change and turn back he's strayed from the Deen but doesn't have any thoughts in turning back he's so caught up in drugs and his own bubble it makes me sick I'm drawing a fucking line and wallahi I'm not letting him cross it anymore .

I finally realised what a horrible parent my mum is because whenever i am ill she tells me to shut up and goes on about how she is always so stressed

It's so sad that this problem is very present in our society nowadays. When, oppression is one of the worst sins ever

What about child favouritism? I've noticed my mom favouring my brother over me many times for the past years but as a teenager I thought it's just my hormones are raging but recently my mom literally admitted that in a family gathering saying "for my brother she feels 100% love but for me it's not like that". I have no idea if it's something I should be concerned of. But I can't lie I feel terrible sometimes when I think about it.

This video made me so emotional 😔,I was always abused mentally ,physically and emotionally and it gives me anxiety all e time

my father always wanted me to be doctor ,from 1 class to 8th class i was beat like wall by my father for not scoring more in exams than my cousin who always stood first in my class in 9th class i worked day and night ,when my friends are having good time with their girlfriends i will be studying hard and luckily my cousin became a part of bad company and i got more marks than him i was awarded by my parents but then my father friend's son score more marks than me he start beating me again but this time emotionally i was studying biology then i dropped it because i said to my father i dont want to become a doctor you never treated me like a child but a horse in a race now i have only 1 year left after graduating as an engineer , my question is can i leave my parents after 1 year at the same time i dont want to make Allah angry on me but my parents because i didnt become a doctor they have emotionally disturbed me alot from the last 5 years i am just maintaining a fake relationship as they provide me with food and shelter the best part is they want me to be like my younger brother who never been to college and my parents never questioned him in return he respects my parent like a child you will never saw whereas I am just faking it

I am crying as I right this , but I have been manipulated too much that I don’t know what to do

now i'm 35 but my father's attitude towards me affected me deeply

MashaAllah all the advice is very good here by the Sheikh however involving other people can make things worse and another excuse for a tyrant to abuse you. And in our community and extended family members south Asian for me are even worse and they are abusing you because of your situation and usually your community and cousins etc know you are being abused and only gossip a about you and make you feel bad or make you fun out of you. I recently got told our whole child hood neighbours new my dad was abusive toward my mum and siblings and they stayed away because they knew our dad was a bad man. But no one ever came to give me verbal support or my mum. Growing up there was torture and unfortunately that community allowed the old men or so called ‘elders’ to abuse the young girls in their masjids too. So when your community has gone astray make dua and physically find ways to leave this area and the people who have hurt you and definitely do not want the best for you. I have a son of my own now and I am working hard to do exactly the opposite of my parents and keep him away from the vultures of this community and society in general. But of course it’s not easy and you can’t get away from everything and everyone quickly and have to endure more abuse. So always keep in mind allah SWT is building you strongly and when you have the mental capacity you can find your own haven and do what’s best for you without having to please every family member and every elder or community member.

Thank you for this, it made cry being able to relate to this but it has also calmed me down knowing how to deal with it

The extended family be enjoying it and seems like winning in getting their desires be fulfilled seeing your parents ABUSING children. #PATHETIC #LowHumanLevel

In my case....My father is really emotionally and physically abusive towards our family....he always gave priority to his friends and his own siblings rather than us.....he used to showoff infront of his brothers and their wives and children by insulting...humiliating us....making my cousins laugh at me by uttering weird shameful profanities and kicking my buttocks infront of them so they can get a good laugh....i don't know why he felt good by showing off infront of others in humiliating his own family......my father has hurt my mother way too much emotionally and always showed us that whatever he did was a huge favour for us and made us feel bad about it.....he sold all of his belongings like house and plots to cover up his own failures and now he pins those failures on us....me being the 4th child and the youngest....he gave up on me and my sisters had to take care of me regarding my education and other expenditures....because of all of this yesterday i spoke rudely towards my father and screamed at him as he gave up on me.....and now we are not talking to each other.......tell me what i did was wrong or not?.....what should i do?

Dear brother I have to disagree with you on some points. My abusive parent has no recollection of the abusive quite conveniently has amnesia ,remembers other things but not the abuse. The siblings don't believe you because it didn't happen to them .I have been struggling with my religion and what it says about parents rights

What you said to approach to other family members, I did it! But my mother heard me crying and telling what she does to me to my aunt and after some day she started black mailing me emotionally that I'm your mother and what a sinful act you have done, means that I shared my negative thoughts about my mother to someone else! Well extremely depressed because of my parents both father and mother, as soon as I get financially independent, I'll go to a therapist without informing my parents cause they will definitely don't like it but I am fed up now!

What ab ut sexual abuse. How can that be your wali when he sees you like that. What ab ut if he damages her genitals and reproductive area so she can no longer walk, doesn't the child have a right to life with the mother?

My mother mistreated me whole life she is a narcissist although i do everything financially and she is also living at my place and now she is torturing my sons. she is making differences in both of them. also she throws the younger one and supress him always. and also she feed my kids bad about me

How to treat a person hu is abjused by his Mother? She hit His children so, so much. Now IT IS very, very dificult to live with this people. It is Impossible

Allah Bless you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!my inner jail is open and I am standing out of the inner jail after 40 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AlhamduLillah I am free

My father is always abusive to me emotionally since my childhood as he hated my mother and that's the reason he treated me bad if i did any small mistake and sometime physical abuse to

JazakaLLahu Khairan.

All kids deserve loving parents but not all parents deserve bir walidayn. It’s a real shame that you have parents who use this deen as a weapon against their kids to emotionally blackmail them and absolve themselves of any consequences. They are meant to be a rahma to their kids and they fail at that. So when they come to old age and still show no remorse for their past, they brought it upon themselves that their kids refuse to take care of them.

In this situation if the parents is separated then what will be the mothers duty when she is in another relationship i mean she married second husband ?

At least someone is talking about this. I've grown up in a boy preference family and raised always hearing that my parents wanted a boy and they always make me feel like they couldn't have any boy because I was born. Hope I can lead a peaceful life in future

How to deal with abusive husband for not only on me but my entire family

Preserving the family unit is a key element of Islam. We observe hijab, don't even shake hands with the opposite gender and have a severe penalty for zina to preserve the family unit. Desi parents will comfortably destroy it within their own homes.

Wa aleykum salam warahmatullahi wabarakaatu jazakallah kheyr shekh brother Yasir

My parents are not understanding. They are soo sick minded anded once I was so suicideal even today after my father just emotionally broke me I went to watch this video. I don’t know what they want they are sometimes really good sometimes really toxic . And I am just a teen . They are soo illogical. My parents don’t think abuse us is any kind off wrong. He treated me like I am a servent 🙂

I only want to say one thing...because some sisters are telling about asian people.....Balkan people also....it depends on the human.....it defently not depend on the culture

I am 36 years old but my parents still abusing me emotionally, physically & economically. Even though I am married, I have a beautiful daughter & amazing loving caring husband. But now me & my husband & my daughter we r very depressed and anxiety for their abusing behaviour. Plz pray for me to get off this toxic situations.

I know it is wrong to say harsh words to a child,but what about the child disobeying the mother in the worst ways and puts hardship on the parents and I wonder what are children doing to the parents to make them react this way