How To Deal With Assertive People | Chris Voss 

assertive types: 6:38 "getting what they want is 3rd on their list" "being in control is number one on their list, and thats emotionally satisfying" "the alpha type that we refer to as assertive, the one thing thats more important than getting what they want is being respected and making sure that you know everything about what they're coming from off" 7:20 "Its really more important to them that they felt that they conducted themselves respectably, that you respected them, and that you knew where they were coming from,. and when you know these things, they'll actually soften up on what they want." 7:43 "When they're demanding, what they're saying to you subtlety is " i want you to know how important this to me, i want you to know how important i am" Talk about them as if they were someone known as respected, or worthy of admiration/respect 8:00 gives some examples. 8:30 'stroking their ego is not a bad thing' 10:50 "if you're dealing with someone, especially an assertive that might forget what they said or what they committed to because they were just too busy being aggressive, when you get in the moment, the rule of three, is this idea that we got confirmation from someone or something, three times before we move forward." 11:08 "Number one because people have a tendency to remember something they agreed to three times, and number two it also creates an emotional moment that we can refer back to later on in the timeline, lets say something blows up, we can go back to 'when you said this three times, how was i supposed to interpret that' 11:33 'do you got a problem with me doing x' "thats your first of three confirmations in the moment" "you can also easily follow that up with a label, 'sounds like you're not going to have any issue with this?' You can also paraphrase it. 'So you're good with me taking on this effort and handling it this way', "Now you've gotten that three times, and if something blows up, or they change their mind down the line, you've got all for all intents and purposes the instant defense, 'when we talked about this last week and you asked this three times, What did You want Me to interpret from that', "Now you're essentially off the hook." 12:25 "and then Another one thats just in general for dealing with assertive, they like to talk, they usually have a dissertation to get off their chest, 12:39 mirrors are a great way to navigate through that dissertation, and specifically when you're mirroring, right as they're going on and on, they're going to say stuff thats actually important to you, eventually they're going to say something thats you want them to focus on, thats what you end up mirroring, and it very much directs their thought process, very much like a pinball in a pinball machine, your flippers are the mirrors, for all intents and purposes." 13:

I went to buy a car 5 years ago, I walked inside the first guy that came he asked me , how can I help you? I told him, you wouldn’t be able to sell me a car in less than an hour. I don’t even know if I can qualify for the loan. The guy was confused and he said less check if you do. He came back and I qualified for a 0% loan because of my credit. In less than an hour I walked out of the car dealer with my car and I pay what I thought was the right amount. No hassle, not headache, fast and very smooth. This is the first time in my live that I brought a car in less than an hour. Of course I did my homework first about the price, the 0% interest and I was calm an I really enjoy it.

I appreciate his thoughts and writings. He is a deep thinker. God bless his team and those he shares with!😊

I work with an assertive - best technique for me, has been priming them - like if I need to say a flat no. I’ll prime them little by little - bit bit by bit, where eventually when they I say a flat out NO, I’ve mentioned this before. It has - for me, worked for me every time.

Used some of your methods today as in "negotiations" with barristers over forced covid jab of learning disabled in the UK. Slippery eels these types. They know what they want and engineer their positions to achieve. Did get them to snap and then said you're so gracious which definitely disarmed. Very hard to configure questions to exact the negative also but hopefully I'll learn and fast for full trial coming soon

Chris’s videos are making a difference in my single family with the business in the Dallas-Fort Worth market

Voss has made it very clear in many conversations that he does not necessarily like nor agree with those that he is negotiating with for the release of hostages. There is nobody so pure on the planet. Everybody has flaws. It sounds like you’re not willing to negotiate with anybody but those who have committed no sin

Does this work on car salesmen? Car salesman "Does this number look good?" Me "How... do you expect me to pay this?"

When on a zoom call, if the main speaker (typically the person who set it up and is running it - the owner of the call if you will) spotlights himself than when other people talk, they won't capture the screen.

I would love advice around using this technique for enterprise bargaining situations…against employer who wont budge from their initial offer and wont listen to our claims

I hate to say is but I have such a hard time "stroking egos" that are already GIGANTIC in the mind of the "assertive" or as I call them narcissists. I agree that it's probably to my advantage to flatter them and coddle them with inflating lies. It's STILL SO HARD for me.

Super value packed

Apathy is expression with picture . Smile out inside apathy . The split is internal when you don t know yourself you let others describe you

Being assertive is different than being aggressive.

Tom Girardi was charged with multiple counts of wire fraud for stealing money from clients for 10 years. And, other lawyers at his law firm were sanctioned for mishandling client money. It makes me really think about how you interact with people and the fact that you can never ever be 100% certain of someone’s intentions. Are they truly trying to build a relationship with you for mutual benefit or is there psychopathic harm involved in the case of the now disgraced Tom Girardi?

ive never had to negotiate a Starbucks coffee .. i enjoy real coffee from McDonald's!

This lesson describe a paranoid man

Around 34:24, Steve drops a "you're right" on Derek. It sounds like Derek's advice makes sense to him in theory, he just doesn't have a clear picture of how to put it into action.

An aggressive toxic person would never ask. Have you given up on doing business with me? However I wish they would ask that question because it would be an open invite to get away from them and I wouldn't have to say no slowly I would say yes LOL

I keep following BSG and I look for ways to just talk Russia into leaving Ukraine the way they are leaving Kherson. It may take time but it could go much faster than how long they took in Afghanistan. I also want to influence people in Toronto, to encourage them to ride bicycles and build bike lanes. So many people are against bike lanes and against cyclists. It could take a while. Keep up the good work, Chris Voss and Lewis Howes. Keep being nice guys. Let's talk nice to Russia, to bring this war in Ukraine to an end.

30:06 the guest is accommodating the assertive person right now. They have a guess and are afraid it would upset them to be both right or wrong. I wish the host would have confronted them with this and pushed them to go past their own inner block. Where is their resistance to the question coming from?

They mistaken kindness with your being weak, cheerful with being ditzy ect so on.

1:04:47

So you just mirror back to what they said? Say the same thing to them?

"Assertion" seems to used in a negative sense here, confusing. Self-assertion is being taight people who get deceived, run over, taken advantage of. What is meant in this video, is it a euphemism for "aggressive"?

I’ve come to listen to Chris, not his son or anyone else..

“You’ve said before, that you would never lie to anyone that you’re not going to kill.” Holy fuck, way to cut from that subject.

😎

Paranoid people identify with the objet . The object in mine no I m an object .

Love the Black Swan methods, but Chris and group PLEASE stop using bad actors like Tom Girardi and Jack Welch as examples in your stories. They may have been very successful, but their methods have proven to be selfish and hurtful to those they negotiated with, something against what you teach.

It seems like Chris has personally negotiated with Donald Trump. How else could he know how Donald yells and fails his arms in an aggressive manner? 🎉

Totally wrong about Trump. Best president the USA ever had.

No comment . Many people looking for stimulats drung ,viagra, pub . This is depression , sofa , no job , no family , no news ,