I was bullied as a kid but didn't become a bully myself nor did I continue being the victim. Rather, I got fed up with being weak and decided to work out and such. This leading me down the path of the protector. The guy who will protect victims of bullying and who a bully should never mess with.
Mr Peterson, I couldn’t speak for two years my trauma was so bad. This happened in my mid 20’s. I’m 38 now. I have purposely thrown myself into situations that require me to communicate all the time. It’s been a battle facing the dragon. Your lectures give me strength and courage and I’ve learned so much, I am eternally grateful. From time to time the terror comes again like lightning striking the deepest core. When I feel I can’t go on your words are my safe place... Thank You 💕
@@raquelv1726 I went through the same, during my teen and youth. Now often I think, act and live and study Peterson. If I may, I'll suggest you to read Nietzsche. He'll Change your life
@@rajatchandra3209 That’s amazing, I’m glad you are doing better, although the pain and anxiety never fully goes away does it? I sympathize, thank you for sharing with me. It helps a little to know I’m not the only one. Also, thank you for the suggestion in the reading material. Definitely in my life’s bucket list. I am currently still trying to get through Peterson’s books and simultaneously alternating all the time between Kierkegaard and Carl Jung! lol I juggle back and forth! lol
My dad bullied us, my siblings bullied me, me being the youngest. I went to school and I was bullied. I stayed away from people for years but I was finally able to change things. I became a born again Christian and I regained a better sense of myself and the world through my newly found faith. I'm truly a new person and experiencing life and relationships with new eyes and a renewed spirit. Life is finally good.😀💗
no idea how religion has filled the emptiness inside you, and if it really has its freakin pointless. Except if it made u take matters into your own hands by someway and gave u motivation to resolve your issues?
@@paparadeliko well... I'm not Christian but I can understand the role of any religion, it makes you feel protected and not alone. If you're active, you can even rely on a community, you can at least have people around you sharing some common interests. That empowers people.
@ paparadeliko - I get how "religion" helped in that God filled Tamara with Love and Compassion and helped heal her psychic wounds. Directly and through others within ( and without ) the religious community. But many Christians misunderstand "healing" of emotional wounds as if it happens quickly at once. It can be a long process, depending on how resistant one is to their wounds. It does take a proactive and open-minded and humble approach to one's pain and one's past. ( Maybe Jordan's idea of 18 months is pretty spot-on if a concerted focused approach is taken. ) Jesus didn't promise Denial and Avoidance of Suffering, rather Love and Hope and Power and The Way to heal and overcome and live Life to the full. If you particularly find Christianity "pointless", obviously countless millions upon millions of people have not and have told many of stories about their transformed lives because of God/Jesus.
As a child of disabled parents (with personality disorders) this analysis and untangling has been very hard to do. From the age of 7 I took the blame for the way they treated me because I am able bodied and they are not. Thank you Dr. Peterson for your work, it's really been helpful in my healing process.
Remember, it is OK to have talents and be able-bodied. No apologies to be made for your health. Be grateful for the those good things about your life, and be easier on yourself. Other peoples' misfortune is not your fault, and you have your own trials to overcome and be successful. Peace to you.
Wow this really touched my heart, I can’t imagine what that must be like and it occurs to me that I’ve had blessings I could never fully comprehend. Thank you for sharing your suffering and being willing to find the path that overcomes it, how are you now if I may ask??
@@guitardadsinc it is indeed hard to comprehend, especially when it's out the realm of our experiences or even imagination. How am I now? The most accurate way to explain it is: forever in the process. Sadly I can't say that the pandemic has brought any closeness or healing, rather it's severed the relationship with my entire family even further. The ambiguous grief continues and so I continue to do my internal work as best I can. But I am happy to report that have strong and healthy friendships and that alone is the best healing modality I have come across. Thank you for your care and for asking how I am. Most of all, I am glad that you have discovered how much there really is to be grateful for.
@@truthfulflow7028 somehow i only just saw this now...2 years later....oooops. Yes technically you are correct. However, having to make the choice between my well being or a relationship with my family has broken my soul. Now I wait for that light to come in ✨
@@corinaspfx No apologies necessary, I just hope this message finds you well and healing. All I can encourage you to do is be patient, and actively seek the light while you wait for it. As you accurately mentioned, we are forever in the process. The light is most certainly there, within you, even during the darkest times when it seems it is non-existent. It takes time, but I believe you'll get there. Seek the light, and some days you may only take baby steps toward it, but like JBP says it is that incremental progress that delivers us from the darkness when applied consistently over time. I wish you all the best along that path .
You are right. It is very difficult to realize your parents may not give you proper healthy love and a wound has been created in you bc of this. Yes if is possible they are incomplete wounded individuals themselves, nonetheless it is still painful. Personally, I am still trying to get past this as i don't understand connection even with friends on deeper levels (beyond surface level)bc of the lack of love I had received.
1- Go back and think what happened. 2- Thinking about what happened means thinking about the casual pathways that put me in that position of vulnerability and inferiority. 3 - Specify them as carefully as possible (because what the part of you that is hanging on to that trauma wants to know is:"Have you changed enough so that won't happen again?"). 4 - If you realize you are not that person anymore, or if you realize what lead you into that situation, then, you will be released. (because what your unconcious mind wanted to know was if you've solved that situation so it would be unlikely to ever happen again.) Doctor Jordan Peterson
What if you are comfortable with believing it will not happen again but are worried that it will happen to children still growing up in that situation around those ppl but are too crippled to take action bc of the fear that they will say that you are problem and not the situation? Does that mean you have truly healed? I have confronted much within myself and feel that I understand the situation and dont blame myself for the situation I was born into but hold myself responsible for the wrong doing it drove me too after I was mature enough to know better. I just dont know when the right time is or how to go about the confrontation.
I think the only thing JP didn’t mention was: 1) you need coping skills like proper breathing and taking meta moments to realize what’s happening right now and where you can best go. 2) importance of exercise 3) learning to stand up for yourself “do not bully me it is not okay...” 4) proper diet, cook for yourself because it’s so healing
trauma will limit a person’s development. After grown up, people usually found self in tougher situation than before because the development doesn’t match to the age. This vicious cycle is not considered in this video. It’s not just about mindset. The difficulty is real.
I was hoping to learn about overcoming traumas that were really out of control of the victim. When I was a young kid one of my siblings died unexpectedly at her own hands and it just destroyed my family. I was a young kid at the time but I still have not recovered, and I'm now in my 30's.
Perhaps if you looked at the reasoning she may of had to commit that action. Of course there's no way to agree with it but maybe understanding it could help
Sort through your ugly past, own your part of what caused it, even if it is only 5%. Own it 100%. And change your part of it, 100%! Great advice, as usual, Mr Peterson! Thank you again!
This is the best explanation of repentance that I have ever heard. I am 72 years old and I've been a Christian for 47 years and this is the best explanation of repentance I have ever heard. KLT PS; and it's so simple. Smart people think things up. Really smart people make things simple. KLT
It can be tough if you are still under threat related to past trauma. Some threats cannot realistically be eliminated, though this video goes a long way. A specific cosmology is critical to living a fruitful life with ongoing threat.
Dude. What i would give to find a psychologist like this guy. I spent hundreds of dollars seeing a trauma and grief councellor and you know what? Nothing changed in my life long term...by the end of it we were just doing yoga nidra! i stopped seeing her after that. I just couldnt see the point of continuing with her...i got this flash after it of her and her own sexual gratifications of using young women to satisfy her own sexuality by exploiting others. It was sick!
I had a therapist as well and she didn't even know how she could help me. She had no clue and at some point we were just doing useless things. I went to a different one and he could tell me more about myself in half an hour than my previous therapist in many month. It's crazy how different they are.
That's all good and well if it's trauma you can learn from. But when it's a hard reality you can't avoid, say something like an unforeseen near fatal accident, then it's difficult to learn from and not feel some sense of panic from the experience later during life.
Unforeseen trauma. We lose that "buffer" between the good & the evil in the world because we've suddenly been forced to look into the abyss that was disguised as another human being... and saw nothing but malevolence was there.
Literally just overcame this past harm and humiliation myself just now. I thought about it after another video I watched that Jordan Peterson uploaded and it was about a guy who tried to figure out how it was his "fault" how he was placed in a Soviet union concentration camp or gulag or ghetto and how he got there in the first place. He "blamed" himself for being in this situation and only then was then able to critically think about how he was there to begin with and finally when he was free he was able to dismantle what was left of the Soviet union with legislature or a book he wrote, ultimately conquering their last resistance. So essentially, you have to look back and really ask why you were a victim and understand it, why you were humiliated or harrassed, and understand that you were not or did not have the capabilities to defend yourself then. Only from there can you critically analyze yourself and move on and dismiss your trauma as a thing that just happened, where you can move forward and develop your inner monster or psychopath that would have anything like that from being unlikely or happening ever again. Y'all can do this and I hope you do it not only for yourself but for other people so that they may have less of a hard time in this world.
Thanks bro. Great articulation here . Agreed that our minds will not give us peace until it is sure we understand why the trauma happened, and that we have new skills or awareness of the past events so it does not happen again
This is exactly the work I have been doing (alone and in CBT) and it is such a joy to me to hear it so clearly explained here because it confirms to me that I have been doing the right thing. The results in my life have changed accordingly, at least insofar as they relate to things within my control or influence. That's always gratifying! I really wish I knew whether Dr Peterson has written a definitive statement - book or essay - of his views on trans, because this is the main area where I suspect our views might at some point start to diverge. I know I don't disagree with everything I've heard him say so far about trans, but I suspect there could be something in his view as a whole that doesn't sit well with me (from snippets of things I've read and seen). I have been forming my own views on trans for some 20 years, after dating a few trans people and now having a trans relative. That is why I would request anyone who happens to read this comment to let me know if such a document or book exists, so that I can make the effort to obtain a copy and read it. I would love to be able to see where my views fall in relation to Dr Peterson's views and if they diverge, where that happens. Thank you to any who might be able to point me in the right direction!
I was homeschooled due to bullying at school. Allowing children to cower to bullies doesn’t solve anything, it actually only promotes anxiety disorders and depression because ‘victims’ take on the mindset of being a victim. If I was to be able to speak to myself as a teen with the knowledge I have now, I would tell myself to at least make a fist even if I didn’t intend to use it. The concept of having teeth is very important so you don’t become a target of mistreatment. Also, I would have to admit that I was very eccentric, and that actually encouraged much of the mistreatment that I faced.
We all learn in our own paths, some have to go through the learning more explicitly like you did and that’s okay too as long as we are now equipped with coping skills, communication skills, articulation to better prepare us for today and beyond. I’m sending healing thoughts your way and thank you for sharing your story.
I love the emphasis on taking responsibility for your own role. Because what the hell else are you going to do? The world can be brutal and harsh, and most of it you cannot and will not change, so its better to accept it and change what you can (ie yourself).
Brilliant outlook on all this. People can change but only if they have the willpower and thoughtfulness to do it, which is why most people won't sadly, especially for the better.
What happens when you are a target because you are a light. What happens when you are bullied by people who possess envy? Should one “change” his/her? Lower oneself? I think your “theory of malevolence” advice is more applicable. People don’t just bully the weak, they can also bully the strong and gifted. Just a thought.
Got a link to this in the Monday Dr. Peterson email newsletter. I'm realizing now that my trying to forgive myself for the experience of dealing with a former friend with BPD is very much linked to the steps JBP outlines here. I had to eventually revisit the situation and identify how I needed to change, and so be able to move on. I had to process it and be able to say with more certainty that I was going to change. I wasn't going to be "hoovered" into a friendship with my ex-friend or betray myself by again begging her to talk to me or let me help her. It's tough to leave someone behind, but it's sometimes what we need to do to heal ourselves.
I was circumcised as an infant, and it has destroyed my sexuality, happiness, self esteem, and two marriages. How do I overcome both the mental and physical trauma of being genitally mutilated for life?
Mmmm so I love his work but I will get my two cents here. I think overcoming the effects of trauma is much more complicated than that. It requires the guidance of someone else. I did the past authoring as a student of Peterson and wrote just a bit about some of the traumatic experiences I had as a child. It completely destroyed me, I went to complete hell for a long time. Be careful with using the past authoring for past traumas, specially the ones you have never discussed with anyone and don't have someone to talk about.
yes, indeed it is! our unconscious was programmed via downloads in early childhood when we had brainwaves similar to a hypnotic state. being on autopilot it's steering us through our daily life by 95%, so bad enough, if we have been set up for failure. but even if we realize all that with the 5% of our cognitive creative conscious mind, the old programs and beliefs are stronger, faster and run by a far bigger processor, so our mere feeble attempts of positive thinking stand no chance - unless we go use hypnosis again to undo the damage of the past. dr. bruce lipton is quite convincing on that topic.
I am in my 70s and still thinking my sisters will treat me better and keep in contact with them.I know when someone has said something nice about me because they will suddenly out of the blue attack me..this is still confusing ..but i am optimistic they will stop but probably not.
You have to set boundaries. Every time it is crossed go silent/no contact. Eventually they learn don’t cross it if they want contact. If they don’t - you know they have no interest in you. So many fall out. No good but Fact of life.
I started getting bullied in the fifth grade and was always afraid to get angry and stand up for myself so I never did. I ended up bottling a lot of that anger up and I think I took it home with me and then I took it out on my siblings by hitting them and making them cry. Then I started feeling incredibly guilty for how I treated them and I've carried that with me ever since. I can't look people in. the eye and I generally feel inferior to people around me. I don't know how to fix it. That shit is stuck with me like white on rice and I don't know how to move past it.
@Billybob Thorton...you are not unique, here. Many have gone thru this cycle. When we finally reach the age when enough is enough, we take steps to resolve our issues. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear...banal, but true. JP is a real cathartic-producing guy...I hope your time to heal the negative cycle has come. Thanks for your input, here. PS...You are not alone on this path. Thanks.
I grew up in an abusive household and it wasn’t my parents. I have this memory that I can’t forget and when it comes to mind I will sometimes start to cry. It is my mother being hit and there is blood coming from her mouth, she is leaning against our Moffat stove and she is crying and trying to defend herself. It is so vivid and real and I don’t know how to stop seeing this memory? What can I do to stop reliving this memory?
I think it's all about confidence? I mean, I can understand your point but I think you have to change and believe yourself that you're a changed person now. And same incidents are likely to happen (or may not) but it won't take a toll on you because you've already experienced it and now you know what to do if it occurs? Do correct me.
I don't find the idea of revisiting the past very helpful in general. Maybe only briefly to put things in perspective. One must look at where they are at now and try to see what can be improved upon. Get help if necessary. Going back to say sorry or telling people you forgive them is so condescending and hypocritical. It's too late, the harm has been done and it cannot be changed. Looking forward is much more productive and just to find ways to be a better person will make up for past mistakes. Action speaks louder then words from where I come from. My ex boyfriend ended up killing himself because he was traumatized/bullied/abused/humiliated as a child, He was quite obsessed with what was done to him. Although he had many qualities, he had very low self-esteem. He was also extremely self-destructive (alcohol, drugs). That's how he dealt with the pain. Sometimes, people just cannot get over their pain no matter what they do and how much support they have. Eg Chester Bennington, Chris Cornell, Robin Williams, etc
Thank you for sharing that experience and information. It encourages me to know that manifesting a more positive reality moving forward is how to most effectively deal with events of the past. Peace and health to you going forward
zabelicious A large part of being able to move forward and let the burden go is to forgive. Not for them, but for you. You don’t even have to forgive them, but you can forgive yourself for harboring any shame, for guilt, for pain you may hold. And let go and move into love.
You need to read more about Freudian psychology, about the egos, the unconcious and repressed rage. You can't just consciously choose to move on and think positively. In fact, that can make things worse as you are simply continuing to repress emotions. Obsessing about the past and learning how to work through it are two different things.
I understand what you mean in my own case I do find writing about the past helpful as a way of moving on as it's helping me understand how I became the way I am. In my own case just trying to be positive and ignoring the past turned into a sort of running away. I see the past as a sort of crime scene that needs to be investigated. You are right if it turns into an obsession. I think the long term goal of delving in to the past is to close the case on it once you understand and then move on.
I make good choices and I wasnt a stupid person but cautious.im a strong survivor and not seen for who I really am and how resilient and well I deal with complex."problems"" . dirt.
Implicit, posture, in assumptions of people, demean. But now u have grown up. Those experiences are not transferable in Ur present What happened. What really happened. Part of u wants to know- have u changed enough so that it won't happen again. Ur mind wants to know- have u resolved this issue to the degree that it won't happen Memories stick till
I would be very interested to know about the approaches he has found successful for CPTSD that occurs over multiple stages of development and throughout adulthood. I think the key does lay in capturing the trauma in some kind of articulation or expression but due to the cognitive coping mechanisms many have highly impregnable walls around their trauma to the point that it is inaccessible in terms of language. It's a tough one. Anyone got video links on JBP discussing such content?
We are all guilty of men like this being demonized. May our children forgive our collective judgement, for our children are damned without that awareness.
I get the example of figuring out why you were bullied and learning how you could prevent that in the future but what if it was something you couldn’t control like a parent traumatizing you?
I try to forgive but struggle with forgetting. I still must work with an individual who spent most of 2018 gaslighting me…and she is my boss. I don’t trust her so can’t forget what she did. I did nothing to cause this other than she disliked me and favored another co-worker. I’m afraid that if I forget what she did she will try it again
I try to walk as a survivor. Yes, sometimes I fall. I speak my past, because they are my achievement and you BETTER hear how horrible PEOPLE are and HOW I survive. It's not whining. Just like you brag about your football team, I brag about how I AM STILL HERE. Most people do not get that. We did not have the time you did to form a "hobby" or a "personality". It takes time. It elapses. Like seriously.
Thank you! I'm wondering what insights or concerns you'd have about Somatic Experiencing (SE) - based on Polyvagal theory and deals with healing trauma from on the autonomic nervous system/"stress physiology" level - (I may not be describing this correctly) because it seems that some SE Practitioners are also psychologists. I'm hoping to seek one out someday to combine the top-down and bottom-up approach. Do you think talking about the trauma, for some people who have a tendency to "shut down" and disconnect from gut feelings and memories from early childhood (pre-verbal or so), working directly with their autonomic nervous system and learning about one's stress physiology and how to work with it might be a beneficial adjunct to your methods? I fullyy intend to apply everything I'm learning from you, as well as increase my interoceptive skills. Thank you so much, and take care! -E.R.M
I found writing the past authoring section triggered a depression as looking back over my life caused me to see all of the formative experiences of my life. I found all of the most influential experiences of my life were negative with only one positive experience in childhood this caused me to question continuing the rest of my life...I can't help wondering if it will be full of similarly harrowing experiences. If so, why continue? I'm really and truly wondering. I only managed to write the headings as it was too painful to review the memories in depth.
Be as courageous as possible when attempting to do Past Authoring. Write as much (or as little) as you can and take a break or have some small reward (a cup of tea perhaps) for at least facing up and doing it. It was true in my case that there was short-term anxiety and reduced mood directly after finishing, but the positive feelings and results began within 10 days of completing it. Distance yourself from the memories that cause emotional pain by recounting them in an analytical manner (think of it as a learning experience) and remind yourself often they can no longer harm you, as they are in the past. I hope this helps you going forward.
ILY dr Peterson, and you're partially right, I think it's a huge oversimplification though. You talk a lot about the role of personality in political leaning, career, relationships. Don't you think it plays a huge role when it comes to trauma too? For a lot of us, trauma is what hit us in childhood, when we were at our most vulnerable. It's been the point of reference for every new experience. It's become part of our personality.
The ideas he's presenting here are to imply that perhaps your personality shouldn't be built on a foundation of past trauma. It would likely be far healthier to develop your sense of self through your future goals and values rather than letting an event, or more importantly, the emotions you felt during that event, become you.
Your personality absolutely does affect how you handle trauma, but that doesn't mean you have to be a slave to it. If it happened during childhood and is therefore more potent that means you might have a LOT more work to do, but it doesn't mean you can't do anything. Peterson talks about a lot of stuff but if there's one area where he undoubtedly has expertise on it's helping people deal with their issues, that's the bread and butter of clinical psychology. So he might be simplifying things but I'm sure there's still something to this.
I have a question. Maybe in trying to overcome those insecurities you had in your past, you become more attacthed to it? what I mean is that how is it possible to accept your past (forgive yourself) when you are also trying to be better than it? it is, I think/feel, a contradiction between overcoming it and accepting it. Anybody has any experience whatsoever in this topic that would like to share?
I think you have to do both. You have to accept that whatever happened to you in the past, it happened and it affected you but at the same time it is not the only thing to define you. You can move past that event because you are a different person to who you were when that event happened. You've been through that experience, you've learnt something from it. Maybe you learnt something difficult but it will shape you into a stronger person once you accept it and that is the overcoming of that event. You won't look back at it again repeatedly, you'll look forward. I hope this makes sense. It's difficult to explain properly as the premise is vague. But I understand what you meant. I always find that eventually it is time that helps us to heal and accept and overcome.
Yes but... literally the only reason I was bullied was because I was too smart, too quiet, and too liked by the teachers that it was inevitable that other kids would isolate me when they felt so inferior. I really don't get how this would help. I've done the self authoring program fully and benefited from the past authoring at the very least by having my thoughts articulated and letting off some steam that I had no idea was building up inside me... But the major issue I had was being unconvinced in the things I wrote. Like the example of bullying I mentioned above. I forced myself to imagine that I had done something wrong or that I contributed to what happened to me in some way but in fact didn't believe in that at all. Is therapy the only way for stubborn unimaginative people like me? You could say I was bullied because I was quiet... But that's not it in the least. Teachers and kids alike respected quiet kids where I grew up. We're seen as disciplined, and fair enough I was very disciplined back then. It's the combination of these three factors that pushed the jealousy to the point of bullying. Nobody fended for me either so I was very much against the whole school.
Nanof Urbiznis same here. All my bullies felt inferior to me and threatened by my popularity. I even tried to support them, build them up, but they were litteraly blinded by their rage and all they wanted to do was to eliminate me. The only thing i Blame myself for, is me being resilient in a situation that eventually escalated and of course traumatised me. I tell you what happened: i was JUST STANDING THERE, and an handsome man SIMPLY LOOKED at me and from that moment The atrocious bullying started. I know it’s their problem, i know they suffer, I know i’m luckier than them, love myself and i know what real love is, but still, they destroyed my reputation, my work, my money, my friendships, my relationships, my future and even my present, cause I’m stucked with PTSD months Apart. What’s to learn in all that? And there’s more: Frankly , when you’re bullied , I believe NO ONE, no matter how strong or balanced you are, no one can react properly and stand up for themself . when i was first being bullied, i was still strong, i stood up, i believed in myself, but eventually i got weak and wasn’t even able to recognize The lies from The truth. There’s nothing to learn about your self from The experience of being bullied, The only thing to do is finding a psychiatric help to overcome The consequeces of bullying on your body and mind.
@@mollymole7 I'm sorry you had to go through that. I agree. This program might work for most people and most issues but this is not one of them when you know you haven't done anything wrong other than existing in a certain place and a certain time. There's very little to learn from these experiences. Have you found the help you needed to overcome the trauma?
Hi Nanof, yes you were a threat (too smart) so they bullied you. To add to that reason, you were too quiet and I assume timid. If you were able to Stand up for yourself “hey your bullying me is not okay. I’m telling my parents and my teacher and principal “ Forgive my shortness, I do mean well. Much love bro
@@wilsonz9232 Hey, thanks for your reply. Do you think I didn't do that? Maybe that works differently in first world countries with a decent education system or well trained teachers but where I grew up nobody did anything if you complained about being bullied. I told my parents many times and they said 'toughen up' or some lame shit like that until I stopped telling them anything and eventually stopped going outside altogether. Home to school and school to home for the rest of my education until college. Teachers did even less than my parents, after all they would only care if the parents complained and my parents didn't care in the slightest. There was honestly nothing I could do to prevent what happened, aside from what I did -- hide, and I still don't think I did anything wrong that needs correcting that led me to be bullied aside from intrinsic traits I had no control over... So I still don't know how to get over that part of my past using this method. I don't think it works for this kind of situation. Not every trauma carries a lesson. Or rather, sometimes the lesson is just that fairness is not a characteristic of life. Sometimes you just get the short end of the stick. Anyway thanks for your input.
Interesting perception & intense reactions.... I'll clarify what I mean: I have a spirit that turns away from arrogance so I'm unable to hear SM. Obviously nobody is ideal.
I experienced this as well. For me, you have to forgive, stop all behaviors that result, stop the malevolence from creeping forward through human experience in your own part of the world. it must be unhinged from your sense of self. Find a way to grow from it and make the world a little bit better of a place for someone (or everyone) else.
I experienced being sexually assaulted as a child by a family friend, between the ages of 8-12... I'm currently curious if my apathy towards life is a coping mechanism to help deal with the trauma, or if it's a factor in accepting being sexually assaulted in the first place. Do I think that (abstractly) nothing matters, to justify what happened to me as "not a big deal". Or, did I allow it to happen because I already thought "This is weird but it's not a big deal.".... This is a new train of thought I've been having, recently.
You did not allow it to happen. It was absolutely not your fault, I recently read “The body keeps the score”…all about trauma. The later chapters talk to ways of dealing with it.
You did not allow it to happen. You were young and vulnerable and had a right to expect that the adults in your life would protect you and never hurt you. This adult betrayed that trust and that is on them. It is not your fault!
@@shoutatthesky I certainly allowed it to happen, but I agree that I was taken advantage of and manipulated. That doesn't change the fact that it was my responsibility to protect myself, and I failed at it. Apparently I currently suffer from depression, anxiety, and ADHD. I'm just curious if I had these issues at the time, and it made me more vulnerable to being taken advantage of, or if those events exacerbated those issues. More than likely it's a little bit of everything.
@@EvenGodsDie Well adhd doesn't actually exist so you can rule that out. You do sound a bit sensitive which can be a good thing but does make you more prone to depression and anxiety. I too was sexually assaulted and suffer the same way. I think for us it is important to cultivate strength. You may not have stopped it but you can become a stronger person now and make it less likely to happen again. It will also allow you to cultivate a hatred for the perpetrator and that will help you heal.
The old Stefan molyneux. One of the first big names to be cancelled. He flew too close to the sun. Was massive for a while and got wiped out by YT (never saved any of his videos he says). I don’t think there was many good alt platforms back then for a comeback. Where is he now?
How could somone who's trauma was finding their father gassed in his car when they were young, move through these issues when it actually is out of their control? How does one stop the constant feelings tied to losing the people you care about ect? And finally, how would one with with this history get rid of feelings associated with suicide, specifically how people move on and find new often better partners after the "deadbeat" dies)/radically improving their life after the suicide. Asking for a friend 😅
I believe you can get through it, first of all! Find professional help with overcoming the anxiety that comes with the trauma and I would personally recommend praying to God. He’s the ultimate healer. Best wishes for you (and your friend :)
Wow my comment seems to have been removed. What a bubble of shallow words this channel is then huh. If there isn't room for everyone to cope, then can you actually believe any of it?
I wonder if there are some situations that you should avoid altogether if they trigger you or if you get over all of them if you work through it. I had a rough childhood and going some places from the past gives me anxiety. Or just situations that remind me of the past. Can you fix everything or will you always struggle because parts of you where formulated wrong.
Grow your knowledge and creativity as much as possible, and people will be attracted to you. Choose a competence and path that not many people choose. And remember that only better friendships and relationships can save you from the idiot machine they call the judeo-masonic world citizenship. That's what I would advise. Doesn't even take much money to accomplish that. Just stop wasting time.
Alarm bells taken as something to just consider as something might pay notice of can be quite beneficial. Alarm bells that are more like emergency sirens particular to one person's interpretation of that alarm and their reactions aren't cause for others' alarms going off at the same level unless they have an incredibly good understanding about that person's reactions and why it might be causing it or IF whatever that may be actually IS the CAUSE of that person's reaction. It's an inherently good idea that others only take note.
All nice and good but what if a child get's hurt when it's very young and dose not have a real free will yet and no influence of it's own in that situation?
Didn’t get any useful insights here that truly addresses trauma. Sure, re-writing your view of yourself and your position in the world is helpful in certain circumstances. But trauma is more than your self perception in relation to others. The Body Keeps The Score is a good book on what trauma is and mentions cutting edge treatments.
He's talking about processing it so your body isn't cringing in expectation that it will happen again. What you're describing is a body that hasn't processed or found a solution that leaves the body feeling fairly sure that the trauma won't happen again. It's like you're saying that the insight doesn't truly address trama because in your mind or possibly experience, you haven't managed to do what he is describing. It's not a to-do list for fixing trauma, it's a description of what's technically going on and needs to be in order to move past trauma. And what he's talking about is far deeper than self-perception. Self perception helps, but if that were all that's there, then he wouldn't even need to say what he is because fixing the problem would be easy.
Not of youve been physically harmed as well. The harm will stay with you because your body is damaged its a permanent reminder. Its more complicated than this. We are all told lies from a early age.We are all conditioned to accept things which we do not like. This is a a betrayal. Have you ever thought how you hated Sundays because it was school the next day? This is a form of conditioning. You are made to think this is normal.Then you leave school and start work.Amazing you hate Mondays again.In fact you hate every day of the week.Then the week end comes and you are free again.Until Monday. Just like school.
Is this the same for being bullied as well as sexually abused (many men including father) both as a child and then adulthood? So it’s me that’s attracting it?
No one invites SA, predators no they are wrong and will find an opportunity. i do believe bullying is invited a lot of times. Sometimes our ego, sometimes we just are needy or show weakness.
Robert Crumb made a cartoon book on the book of Genesis. Robert's masterpiece. I've been following him for years. I think he lives in France with his beautiful wife now.
Dealing with our fallen nature by the only way that was provided by Jesus sacrificing his life as an atonement for us is step number one to disarm all manner of evil in our lives.I memorise scripture which reminds me who i have become with accepting Jesus s saving work.E.g Galatians 2:20 I am crucified with christ.I no longer live but christ lives in me.The life i live in the body ,i live by faith in the son of God,who loved me and gave himself for me.
u are so wrong bc beauty is relative and if u learn to love urself others will too aswell it is all in your mindset if u can change it u wont be ugly start dressing better having a more active lifestyle try to be as successful as u can in work and u will become a beautiful person bc looks dont define your worth u define ur worth
Right...... So you're a small 10 year old boy, being bullied by 4 13 year old boys. What did the 10 year old do to attract the bullies? NOTHING! It's the bullies who have the problems. Usually the leader is the worst of them all. And in that scenario, the adults step in. Get help for the bully leader and the victim. That's what's being done in a lot of Scottish schools now. Something needs to be done right away for both boys to prevent them growing into seriously bad people. Bullies are cowards and they often come from a terrible home situation. You need to watch that the victim doesn't become aggressive because of the trauma of being bullied.
Truly , I see that ; much of what you have said. We have this fellow who has become very successful as a bottom end media " personality " , still he is quite popular among the groupthink type of person , you know , the ones who seek safety in numbers and take immense pleasure in bullying , threatening, denouncing, vilifying and inciting others to behave likewise ; towards anyone who doesn't agree with their bitter and stunted point of view ; or anyone who , being the slightest bit different (and thank god for that) , or talented in any small way. Well this ...person began , many years ago , doing exactly what you have described in your comment, though the age gap was a bit wider. As an 18 year old he instructed a group of 7 year Olds to beat up another 7 yr old .during a game of footy It didn't end there though. After the game they pelted the boy with rocks , and while running from them , he was hit by ( guess who ) ? Riding a pushbike. The handlebar of which , fractured two ribs, just under the collarbone. So ...quite a big day for a small boy. Well , in the meantime that cowardly thing has managed to rise in society to wield influence among the stupid and indoctrinated alike. He has graduated from having football referees in his pocket to judges instead and has pathologised an entire generation of young men into the ways of violence , envy and the resultant cowardice and complete lack of PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY. I have learned to live with what happened to me, I only hope that he can live with what he has done. It would be a start , at least...
I've only completed two of the faults sections from present authoring, i'd recommend starting somewhere else. It's not magic, it's just an exercise. You get out of it what you put into it though
It's emotionally taxing. Also, i'm finding that the mood i bring into the exercise affects my ability to motivate myself. I started with some virtues last night though, that gave me the courage to finish another fault. Work through it bit by bit! Best of luck!
Peterson you are wrong about this. I was sexually abused as a kid, by an organisation (ritual abuse). And I for sure know that it won't happen again, since I am not a kid anymore, I won't for sure find myself back in such an organisation, but I still have (c-)ptsd and suffer daily from it. Sorry Jordan, this is not correct, this is the second time you're wrong about trauma (processing). Love most of what you are saying though!
This is oversimplified. My friends mother was sexually abused by her father from infancy to age 16. She was very wealthy and received treatment from the highest ranking psychotherapists for many of her adult years, 16 to be exact. She was able to function in miraculous ways following therapy but was completely insane. I believe that there are some forms of trauma that can never be completely healed.
Evolving-Mutation I'd like to add that this topic contains so much complexity from so many factors, that there are no concrete answers. What you shared is a very specific case based on an individual, and so it is for everybody with some form of trauma. I think the video in general explains well enough how: Your subconcious picks up on external and internal threats, and it is up to ourselves to listen to it, find it's meaning and get a better understanding of why we feel the way we feel. From personal experience.. I know how hard it was for me to reconnect with something like my true self. Especially when it has been a while because of chaos in life. We owe it to ourselves and the people around us to try because you have worth. convincing yourself of that is the hard part, when there's something in your gut holding you back. Even if some trauma cannot be overcome... It can't hurt to try.
I really don't know anyone who tried harder than my friends mother besides myself. I mean with a deep and persistent practice. Which further details my above comment. For us that have survived severe trauma it's only in that continual uncovering, discovering and discarding process that we are even able to continue to survive & function. There is no other way, the alternative is complete self destruction, I know from experience (18 years sober.) So we can become more functioning and perhaps experience moments of real joy but the scars never, ever completely heal with severe trauma. Anyone who says otherwise is in denial.
With respect many more women are traumatized by sexual assault suffering than meets the eye. And the bullying that's being described here, while it's certainly a kind of bullying, one certain has to take some responsibility, but certainly not all of it.
Think maybe in this case you could say it's about what you can do to not land your own children in the same situation or perhaps not go through a divorce again, but this time as an adult. A lot more complex problem though... Maybe think about the knock on effects that it has had on you and if there's anything you can do to eliminate them from your life. Don't know if that helps
Good posture will aide in your better physiological processes and better management of yourself , with better breathing. Bullies like to bully because it takes attention away from their own pains. We all need love joy and compassion..
That's how nature is! You have to improve your defence mechanism. A hedgehog doesn't ask why he has spikes or skunk doesn't ask why he has to stink. It's necessary for their survival .
