A genius you can't remember his previous work is forever doomed to be robbed for his forgetfulness, but that doesn't make him any more stupid than the average idiot
I've seen professionals, read books, taken college courses in psychology, observed thousands of people and examined myself having often bounced back and forth from having an excessive "self-esteem" to very low "self-esteem" in different stages of my life. My conclusion is this: The essential problem is thinking of myself. Period. Drop the mike. I stopped doing that and starting thinking about others and what I could bring to the table. I then found balance and relative contentment.
Everytime I find myself starting get wrapped up in myself, I start listening to Jordan Peterson and it is like seeing someone untangle a mess of cables and wires and remind you that these are connected to tools that need to be plugged in and used. So I go and do it.
As George Carlin (RIP) once said: "The Self-Esteem Movement began in 1970 and I’m happy to say it’s been a complete failure... because studies have repeatedly shown that having high self-esteem does not improve grades, does not increase career achievement, does not limit the use of alcohol, and certainly does not reduce the incidence of violence of any sort because as it turns out, extremely aggressive, violent people think very highly of themselves. Imagine that! Sociopaths have high self-esteem! Who would have thunk?”"
I've personally found that confidence comes through earning self-respect. Self-development and achieving goals is key. Start small eg waking up on time or even just making your bed daily, then aim for slightly bigger goals and work your way up. Your confidence rises at the same rate, and it becomes clearer where you stand in life. Then when someone tries to knock you, you don't let it because you've earned what you have and you don't need to be told whether you deserve credit. That's why it's SELF-respect. I guess you have to prove to yourself with action that you are capable, only then you can believe and feel it.
For me, confidence comes from being able to *complete* my professional and hobby projects in a nice way (not just being able to start them). Whether I make my bed or sleep at day or night is far less important. That is, as long as I don't miss importants meetings and stuff. Being accepted and liked by relatives and pals is important too, of course.
You should listen to dr doug lisle, he talks exactly about this. How self esteem is actually about esteem coming from yourself, and self confidence is something entirely different. That's the believe that you are good at certain things. While self esteem has to do with earning respect from yourself, just like you said.
I feel like you can say confidence is really just a way to describe an understanding that you can achieve - or maybe trust yourself. Or at least that you know that if you don't fail, it won't be so bad (still trust in self, but can also just being able to see the limitations of failure). Is there a practical way to teach someone "self esteem"? - as in, does it have a mechanic other than "tell yourself you are xyz"? Showing someone that the upside will generally outweigh the downside - getting them over the hump to take that step so that they can see it is fair and true - having them do it until they rewire their brains to make it natural - that is powerful and effective. I've gotten much further down that path than where I started. It has helped me become a much more impactful and more comfortable in so many situations. That is confidence, but not really - it is just being removing a false internal narrative that your actions will somehow have this huge negative consequences and training away from the inaction that the narrative causes.
Self esteem comes from putting effort into trying to achieve something that matters to do. You have to feel that you really did an errort. And the feeling of pride will come.
My parents reinforced in my childhood the importance of agreeableness, putting other first, sacrifice my desires for someone else. I didn’t realize the consequences of that mindset until I graduated college. I wasn’t a great leader because I didn’t know how to speak my mind or form my own opinion. Managerial positions also don’t want people who are scared of correcting others. Pro tip: learning how to become more disagreeable is very important
Ok but the line "Grant yourself the right to exist just like you do everyone else..." holds so much in it and he just passes through it like it's nothing.
He doesn't really glance over it, he references back to it when he says you can have paralyzing amounts of low self-esteem if you have depression, and depressed people usually don't feel like they want to exist or have a right to. I think he glances over it intentionally cus that's not what he was trying to talk about
I love this dude. He gets me totally. My depression and ptsd is too much for me, and I have thoughts of suicide. He helps pull me out of it most of the time. I wish I could meet him to tell him how grateful I am. I listen to him so much that I’ve adopted his manner of speaking, unintentionally. Lol. Pray for me, and love one another.
@@xenomorphexidious9102 Could you tell me a specific instance? I'll look but over listened to dozens of hours of JP and have never heard him talk about it in a passing way. He's been accused of such things, and every time it's taken grossly out of context.
I have to disagree on this. I'm ashamed to say that at boarding-school I was a bully; not in the physical sense but verbal, sarcasm, insults, etc. I did this because I did not excel at anything, therefore to build myself I put others down. I'm happy to say that all that was a long time ago but I still hold deep regrets for this behaviour.
@@philiplane108 envy. Bully right there. You have courage to admit it. The courageous r brutally honest with themselves and just change. Not for any reward. Just to be better.
Lord Rassilon in a deeper sense what they see as weakness is within themselves and projected onto others. It’s all parental and relates to the emotional environment of the child. The bully as been taught he or she is not lovable in a certain way. This rejected aspect of self is then projected into others and attacked. This is unconscious behavior used to avoid deep grief and pain.
Philip Lane it takes honesty to self examination and admitting it! And it proves that real self esteem comes from self confidence. We have confidence because we are good at something, but especially children. Teaching kids to feel good about self without accomplishment to back it up will only creat people who are entitled, neurotic and psychotic. Sadly,The behaviors of so many(young & old) since 2016 election is the biggest proof😬
It's not just the teacher that grips you, it's the teacher combined with the subject, which is psychology in this case. So, even if we all the teachers were like Jordan, some classes would still be skipped. 🥲
Maybe that is why I have such high attendance this year. I started showing my class short personal development videos in term 2 and they are loving them.
I say that a good manager is suppose to make sure a business functions under the principle of a system or model. To which no emotional intelligence or rather care need be involve. The end is to get the job done and sometimes it's by any means.
@@MUFFINHEAD1985 In reality though, the majority of people who work for a living have a specific set of skills and nearly always slot in and do whatever needs doing, regardless of the manager. The 'best' managers (not necessarily the nicest) simply communicate what needs doing within a given timescale and then analyse whether certain members of staff are falling short. The worst-performing managers spend too much time worrying about the emotional well-being of their staff instead of staff performance, and poor performance is left unchecked as a result. It's not pleasant but it's the truth. If an employee finds a manager too strict they tend to leave, and eventually a new employee comes along with a thicker skin and everything's fine. Personally I always preferred working for a strict manager to a friendly manager, back when I was an underling. It meant my co-workers were kept on their toes and I could do my job properly as a result.
MUFFINHEAD1985 leadership and management are two different things. One can be both a leader and a manager, or just one, or neither. Managing a business has to do with the logistics. Leading a business has to do with the people skills.
I was bullied a lot up to the age of 10. I would say that my insecurity was possibly the main precursor. I then learned how to fight and the attitude needed to handle confrontation. I became a bully mainly verbally. Then I stopped because I remembered how it made me feel. So empathy plus confidence and ability made me a better person
I've been down that same road. It wasn't until I too started bullying that I finally understood the process. It made me better and taught me more about human nature.
When I'm humble, polite or kind, people sometimes say I have low self-esteem. So I hate self-esteem. I don't know self-esteem. I don't need self-esteem. I don't care self-esteem.
히팝 well, being humble and failing to acknowledge your strengths aren’t the same thing. If lots of people say that about you they might be on to something
@@rexlundstrom2333 Ok, many years ago I was so humble and weak cuz I couldn't express my inconvenience. But now I can express my inconvenience and demand my right. Thus these people have been diminished. Now I can be a devil or an angel at will.
Perhaps we should feel good enough about ourselves to feel that getting out of bed every morning and do something is worthy, and bad enough to identify something we need to improve on
I strive to feel good enough about myself that I get out of bed with INTENT every morning... BUT I also understand that "perfection" is a road, NOT a static place that you can achieve and then rest there. That kind of perfection doesn't exist... It's a path of growth and development, seeking each day to improve upon who and what you were the day before... AND forgiving yourself each night for the short-comings and set-backs you've suffered in the day, simply for being a human on planet earth, where most of the time, things don't go according to plan... at least not plan "A"... ;o)
Ever since my daughter was born, I wanted her to have "good self-esteem" but to see that as connected to your contribution according to ability. Even as a baby she came with me to volunteer in the dementia ward - people who were otherwise comatose would come alive with a baby in their arms. So.... If you want to feel good about yourself, be a person worth feeling good about.
Thank you JP, I have never, ever, ever bought the bullshit lie that a bully suffers from low self-esteem. It's so counter intuitive and demonstrably false, it's insulting.
Considering all the kids that bullied me were confident and popular, I too call "BS" on the low self esteem theory. I think bullying is a sad effort to try and make the reality match their view of themselves. They think they're great and they're going to prove it.
Well, I think it depends. Yes, most bullies are probably sociopathic or narcissistic or some such thing, but in my observation it isn't always the case. Growing up, I saw the kid whose father liked to smack him around and degrade him turn around and treat the other kids in the neighborhood the same way. I myself was aggressive toward weaker kids when my parents were going through a divorce, but got better when I felt better.
@@nihilistcentraluk442 Exactly. It depends on what we mean by self-esteem. I don't believe that bullies have a high regard for their inner selves, their feelings, their weaknesses, their vulnerabilities -- in short, for anything other than their narcissistic self-image. If praising your own BS image of yourself is what is meant by "self-esteem," sure, bullies probably have it. But I don't think they actually value their own selves, in the sense of having healthy boundaries, a good sense of their core self, etc.
a narcissist has a very low view of themselves and feed their ego by damaging and controlling others. this is where this false sense of confidence comes from.
Narcissists mask their lack of self-worth through the employment of a grandiose and downright delusional persona, a false-self. They're all deeply traumatized individuals who weren't taught the appropriate coping mechanisms to deal with adversities in early and late childhood due to neglectful and/or overprotective parents.
I think bullys are early signs of Narcissistic behavior in both males and females. It gives them a rush when they bully someone even verbally. Just a thought.
To me, emotional intelligence is understanding emotions and understanding how to deal with emotions whether thats your own or the other person's emotions. And that .. is a great trait
Yeah, but if you think about it, a person with high IQ could figure out what other people feel and how to deal with their own and others emotions by doing some deductions of other people, the environment and themselves (as long as they don't have any underlying mental condition like autism or neurosis)
Yeah... He's speaking English... Psychology isn't hard. Your field is being rapidly autonomized. Congrats on your obsolete degree/career, I sincerely hope you have a backup plan.
In my experience, real self-esteem allows you to see your faults and improve because you are not so afraid to lose your worthiness to then hide from your own flaws. Write down positive things that you have honestly observed about yourself and your accomplishments. Your self-esteem will improve and then you will be more courageous to face your faults and improve. You will have better boundaries because you are not afraid to lose validation and people will respect you more so you will then respect them more as well. True acceptance of yourself leads to the ability to accept others.
@@johnkaczmarek2215 Thanks, it all just came from trial and error. Going too much one direction then the other. Being a bit grandiose and detached then a bit self-deprecating and brutally honest with people and myself. Finally I had to admit, I wasn't taught proper self-esteem but in doing so, I realized, part of the reason this was easy to miss is that this is a wide-spread (if not universal) problem on this planet, and what I realized was a damaged self-esteem in myself seemed much better than the average person's. Sad, brutal, painful, reality. Very hard to accept. Easier when we do it together. Learning real history helped me develop a context for the reality of the sociosphere around me. Its not pretty.
I view emotional intelligence as how to be more intelligent about your emotions (why are you emotional) or how to manage your own emotion. It’s proved very helpful for me personally.
@@Dante820 Neurotic people are conscientiousness, while Emotional Intelligence correlates negatively with neuroticism but not conscientiousness. It includes diverse traits: its about understanding, recognising and managing your emotions/thoughts in order to guide your behaviour towards a goal/purpose. So it's more about understanding biases, being in control of you inner self so that you don't get influenced by automatic thoughts and emotions, thus having an optimal behavior towards your motivations. It's basically the Noble Eightfold Path and the same thing Marco Aurelius says in Meditations; having such understanding of your inner life at the point that things in the external world almost don't affect you, it's about accepting death, time, and our ego-sense of self.
@Hel low Wouldn't that be just a facet of your standard intelligence? Like you are applying your intelligence into these introspective fields, call them spirituality, inner balance, mind discipline, or whatever, in order to improve your response to certain situations and overall improve yourself by understanding or being more aware of the mechanisms in your brain and mind that makes you react the way you react, feel the way you feel, etc, and hopefully change them for the better?. So I'd argue that what you get out of applying your intelligence on these topics is 'emotional wisdom', or just better knowledge of one self. But all of which you described are attributes of intelligent people imo, just plain intelligent or at least interested in improving emotional conduct or achieving a deeper sense of knowledge and control of the ego. I don't imagine a dumb (relative to the IQ/standard type of intelligence) person getting all introspective and insightful over this, but I do from someone who is at least slightly above average, or simply curious about this, maybe you call this 'curiosity' or tendency towards these activities, emotional intelligence, then we would agree basically cause that's just how you choose to name this attribute, although we should know the correlation between standard intelligence and interest in spirituality or em. int., how much is from a positive correlation with IQ and how much is a proclivity caused by personality aside from intelligence (if that makes any sense cause I guess intelligence is highly correlated with personality).
well, if we agree that they are equal then it is. (more srsly, Those trained in emotional intelligence seem to get along better, thats agreeableness, so hes saying, hey these ppl that you call have emotional intelligence, they are just agreeable! --- ofc as it is about inner peace = self control as well and other things like empathy used for social manipulation then it depends on what angle you think it is more related about). He would just say the term is wrong as it is not an intelligence, but a set of different tools you use towards a goal. Its like IQ vs scientific thought, it is not scientific, or academic intelligence
I love that he's asking several questions about these concepts, what they mean, how are they useful, etc. These are not straight forward, as he says, and he's letting his audience think about it
Self-esteem, to me, is a synonym for self-love. If someone is loving towards himself then he will continuously keep improving himself!! However, if someone thinks he is the BEST and he is better than others, that an egoic mindset, that's a vanity, pride, false self, and is never loving towards himself, deep inside he hates himself because he knows that he is not what he always trying to prove to people. Ego is not self-esteem. Ego mind is destructive, self-esteem is supposed to be constructive.
@@alih.alhammam1279 Well thats cool. Different religions and denominations can mess people up and divide. Spirituality is universal. I think you're describing humility, which is very powerful and often mistaken for humiliation, which it is not.
Self-esteem is most usefully defined as how well a person regards himself by his own standards. If your self-esteem is low, you can raise it either by lowering your standards, or improving your behavior. If your standards for yourself are unreasonably high, you will never live up to them and therefore suffer from poor esteem. If your standards are too low, you can easily develop high self-esteem, but it will do your relationships no good. The self-esteem movement was based on lowering the children's standards for self-admiration. Raising children to be the best versions of themselves they can be naturally produces higher self-esteem, and is not a new idea.
People's tendency to view themselves positively or negatively is often more deeply rooted in their built-in personality (i.e. the levels of neuroticism and extraversion they're born with), not simply the standards they're taught. One cannot simply teach a child out of the personality ingrained in his genetic makeup. Did you even watch the video? You don't sound like you're addressing the content.
@@7JLindo I'm just confused at how you can talk about self-esteem being a thing, when JP explicitly says it doesn't exist. How can it not exist and yet have a discussion about it existing?
@@drmalex87 Gee, I guess you're right. I guess I've also never been able to talk about unicorns or Mjolnir or King John II. It's like hypotheticals and imaginatives are totally unspeakable.
Yes, I am the same way, which was why I struggled with self-hatred as a teenager. You see, I was sexually assaulted, and because I didn't tell the perpetrator to stop, I felt partially responsible for what happened to me. I thought that I was a disgusting piece of garbage because of "my actions." Yes, that's an extreme example, but it is a true story. So, no, I disagree. I think basing your opinion of yourself on your actions and how you treat others is NOT always a good thing. The same rings true for those who have undiagnosed hidden disabilities who don't understand themselves. How about instead, we encourage others to unconditionally forgive themselves and to feel good about who they are (not necessarily their actions) in an unconditional way because that's how real love and acceptance work. All life has value, not just the lives of some.
Seems like no one understood what JP actually said here. He didn't say narcism and self esteem are the same. He said it could be that self esteem training on schools doesn't work and can lead to narcism because its unrelated to the pupils actions.
Self esteem is real but it happens mostly early in life and comes from parents and other mentors. Peterson is bothered by how ACADEMIA has handled self esteem and this is a very valid argument. Unfortunately, he trashes and tears the whole thing down because his audience likes that approach better rather than any difficult subtlety.
I used to rush to his defense as well to explain away all kinds of inconsistencies he produces with established psychological concepts. But if you take a step back, you'll agree that if you have to invest a ton of work to twist what a person says into sounding right, that's a red flag. If you read Fromm or Kohut you will find a concept of narcissism that's widely accepted and worked with in clinical settings today. Peterson never ever talks about "real" psychodynamics. I doubt he understands it, judging from what he says here.
The more i am watching videos showing this man in action the better i understand how a genius looks like ! Thank God there are people like him teaching otherwise the chance of us becoming better would be not existent . Even though it's been few decades late for me i am happy for the new generations that have the privilege to study under the constant care of Jordan.B. Peterson !!!!
Self esteem was the biggest lie told to me as a child and drastically effected my adolescent growth. I felt very lost in life and questioned why I didn't have better self esteem and couldn't identify it so I assumed I didn't have self esteem at all. Which made an impressionable depressed teen even more depressed. I was confident in myself but was told it wasnt the same as self esteem so I didn't have a leg to lean on in the end except to cope
Self esteem might be like the dunning kruger effect. The less you know the more you think you know it all. So if you have a deep knowledge of how good and bad you can be it become very hard to place yourself on the spectrum or you might have a thougher judgement on yourself because you are aware of all the good you missed to do. Psychopaths have high self esteem because they see the world like a horse who has side vision blinds so they are efficient at certain things like walking in high stress place since they wont be bothered by things normal people see, but basically they have no vision about what it means to be good so they wont think bad of themselves for not being good since they have no idea what it really means.
To clarify, Jordan doesn't think that these words exists in the sense that they are EMPIRICAL PHENOMENON. Because in order to have a valid empirical concept, the concept must explain what other concept does not explain. And so his argument is that these phenomenon are explained by already existing phenomenon. Therefore they do not exist in an EMPIRICAL sense. And for those who whine about that bullies does not have low esteem.... He is referring to a leading scientist in the area. It's not his personal opinion, it is what the data indicates...
@@ljung4ever1 My question exactly! Seems obvious that, if absolutes are nowhere to be found, uncovering the overwhelming tendencies at least gives us better odds of predictability than just going on horse sense.
@@rogersyversen3633 not true. The existence of bad psychology doesn't preclude the existence of rigorous, empirical psychological science. Just like the existence of alchemy doesn't undermine chemistry and homeopathy doesn't undermine empirical modern medicine.
I've watched him a lot and it's kinda interesting to see him age like fine wine off of what he's gone through since these old videos. Long live Dr. Peterson.
I had two work bullies who had disproportionately high self-esteem. They were some of the dumbest people I’d ever met, but treated me like I was stupid. It always confused me what they had to feel good about themselves for.
Accept them, then change them. It's like getting rid of a vice. First you have to acknowledge, then you have to fight your while life not to indulge in it.
Stay humble and grateful. Work on your weaknesses. Don't get a big head from your progress or your failures will harm you. Pride comes before the fall. I remember hearing someone say "you can only do what your capable of... and less." Meaning your accomplishments only seem extraordinary when compared to other people or you're former self, but the reality is, you're only doing what your capable of. Stay humble
Every description ive heard of emotional intelligence is more or less a synonym for ability to regulate emotions which is absolutely real and definitely has an effect on the world
@@Inuyashasoy thats a fair assessment, id still say its not a case of one exists while others are fake and more a case of various ways of saying the same thing
I think jordan is wrong about this aswell. But the problem is probably linguistics. When he talks about emotional intellegence he is probably talking about how most people think about it. Being empathetic and nurturing etc. Scienetific meaning ei is about how you process and communicate emotions which is completepy different. What most people should think about when it comes to emotional intellegence is a diplomat who doesnt let his emotions get inthe way of his goals rather than a mother who would do anything for her baby. its a part of being a mature person. And i do believe world would work much more efficiently if everyone had the ability to be able to feel their emotions in ways that it will not cause more conflict than necessary.
For me, a middle class worker, self-esteem is about how I evaluate my own self worth. Even if I am a minimum wage worker, I can have a positive view of myself while I am attempting or even struggling to improve my lot in life. I can have an objective and positive view because of my willingness, and in spite of my disappointment, to attempt to be better at life. I can accept myself while being honest with all my flaws and shortcomings. Self esteem suffers as a term due to the many ways it's defined. Psychologists have also failed to define gender dysphoria and now we have a tidal wave of genders. The same with racism and sexism.
From what I’ve learned, emotional intelligence is leaning in to you own emotions and then being able to analyze why you feel the way you do so you can figure out ways to improve the circumstances that make you feel the way you do. Emotional intelligence is not agreeableness, it’s self analysis.
The usual concept I see regarding emotional intelligence, is that it is about your emotional responses towards others, not about analyzing yourself. That's probably what Jordan has in mind too, and that's why he refers to it as aggreeableness - because those who speak of emotional intelligence, generally think that extroverted people who behave good to others are emotionally intelligent.
ksipnios I had a long discussion with someone else on this thread and we came to the conclusion that the term “emotional intelligence” is not really the proper term to use because it isn’t necessarily measurable, and more of a skill set. I am still trying to figure out a better term for this skill set. When I see how Peterson responds to protesters and people saying all kinds of garbage aimed at him, I call that high emotional intelligence. But when I see other people letting themselves get so enraged at his opinions to the point where they knock a microphone out of his hand, I call that low emotional intelligence. But again, that’s probably the wrong term.
@@teambenjamin1 self-restraint maybe? I don't really know. I've been reading the Book emotional intelligence and what it seems to mean (at least that is what I understood reading the book, though I haven't finished it) is the hability to change the emotional environment you are in (in a positive sense).
Self Esteem is real. I know that because it's the only thing that keeps me going. I work hard. I go running and do weights every day. Don't drink or do drugs. I class myself as a productive, law abiding, conservative minded citizen and I can hold my head high against anybody who thinks they are somehow better than me. It may all be self delusion but the feeling of pride is very real.
Emotional intelligence is self awareness and execution and regulating of thoughts and emotions when the goal is not to get frazzled in conflicting situations. It's not about giving in to others its about staying on course in a cool manner.
It depends on how you are interpreting the concept of self-esteem. I relate to the Nathaniel Branden concept: he suggests that high self-esteem is a "practice", meaning the continuous exercising of increasing your responsibility, assertiveness, acceptance, purpose, consciousness and personal integrity. Self-esteem is indeed built on these 6 pillars and where any of them is frail, then self-esteem also is lacking. As for JP, Nathaniel too tought that the majority of the literature related to self-esteem was bullshit. This is why you should be very cautious in deciding whether to base your self-development on increasing your self-esteem. But despite this, I really like Nathaniel teachings, that I think is also fully aligned with JP ones.
Social activists have learned from experience that it's easier to get programs funding if they don't rigorously check whether they work, and instead just appear for support based on emotion. Actual testing of things like teenage behavior improvement programs often backfires. So the standard is now to assume your plan works as long as it's feel-good, ask for money based on emotion, NEVER measure your outcomes, and hide behind privacy concerns to stop anybody else from measuring them. Nobody wants to be in the position of the DARE program, which survived (somehow) despite being studied.
Both high self-esteem and low self-esteem have a common, illegitimate factor: SELF. The people we admire most are those who are SELFless. So having any esteem of one's self, either positive or negative, is essentially ego-focused, and the antithesis of selfless.
"It's not that they're feeling about themselves when they're pounding you out, they're feeling bad about you!" I don't know why I found that so hilarious 😂
btw he doesnt mean they feel sympathy for you, he means they feel negative emotions likely anger, about you, but not negative emotions about themselves
This speech is a GENIUS move in hiding low self esteem (due to either less talent in automatic facial recognition or a lack of will to engage with the public openly in a mutuallylistening way )
His sentences are so accurate, I learn something everytime he says one. Thank you for existing and sharing your knowledge with my ignorant ass, Mr Peterson.
I’m not convinced about bullies having high self esteem. I’ve seen too many cases of bullies being bullied. I myself was a bully in grade school and I was bullied at home. I had a really low self esteem. But I guess in some ways I over-inflated myself to try to make up for the lack.
This could be incorrect, but from my own experience the term "emotional intelligence" is applied to an individual that is not aware of their own emotions not, as Mr. Peterson uses in this example, other individual's emotions. I've known many people that aren't aware of their emotions or are not able to verbalize them even when they are abundantly clear by their reactions to their environment. An example would be in a relationship when someone acts to hurt the other person out of jealousy or insecurity but isn't aware that they are insecure. Maybe that's a bad example but hopefully paints the picture.
it is, jordan peterson is smart, but he tends overanalyze things and use/interpret language in many different ways i agree with you, its just a word used to describe something, he said self-esteem doesnt exist and then proceeds to use the word to describe something, thats kind of contradicting i think if one can describe something with a word, that already is a confirmation of that something its just how much person X values themselves
I worked for years as a research assistant to a psychology professor. Anything can be measured - including abstract concepts like self-esteem and emotional intelligence. It has to be defined then operationalized - clearly defining your indicators. How would you measure political participation, for example? Come up with indicators, like voting, running for political office, volunteering on a campaign, emailing government officials, and so on. People who score high on a questionnaire with such indicators would be said to have a higher degree of political participation than those with low scores. This guy, and his group of followers, are really starting to piss me off. It is bordering on worship, the same kind of worship Christopher Hitchens had. To say there is no way to measure social esteem is, at the very least, irresponsible. But what do you say about a professor who said Hitler wasn't such a bad guy?
I used to have some self-esteem, then every bill I receive chips away a little of it, and now I have little left. But I think winning the lottery will restore it instantly.
Of course you shouldn't, Noone should take anyone elses beliefs as faultless. But do you have an any counter arguments or do you simply not like the sound of his argument?
@@yamanosu9463 For example he generalizes too much on women and explains too much with evolution. Like only the strong survive. Who gets all the children? The strong or the poor and uneducated? There's too much simplifications and generalizations in his explanations. Apart from that he has some idiotic political views. Like we have 10 billion people on earth but our main problem is low birth rate and feminism? And his views on Corona and climate change are somewhat dumb too. but he keeps on speaking himself into a bubble with his endless monologues and nobody contradicts him.
Biblically self esteem is total wickedness. To think anything good about who you are by nature is antithesis from the Gospel and completely denies Total Depravity
Self-esteem is not pride. Self-esteem may sometimes encompasses pride. But they are not the same. Thinking that u are right is also self deceit. And defeat. No winners there. R u in a biblical relationship?
EQ isn't just being agreeable, it's about knowing what you want, being able to motivate yourself, how you regulate yourself too. Although it is also empathy and social ability, these don't mean you're agreeable, or that you need all the aspects. It's a spectrum.
Let me clear you up: Emotional intelligence is the ability to be aware of your emotions or the emotions of other people, to take them into account and to decide whether you can do something to improve a situation or not. It doesn't mean to emotionally empathize with someone. It means to be able to see it. Because many people are blind. That's why it's called "intelligence". Second, I have to agree with you upon that: self-esteem is something which fluctuates every single day. That's why don't take it too seriously. It's a voice that today it brings praise, tomorrow - critic. I would say: rather than to focus on your self-esteem ( which comes from the ego), focus on self love. Because that comes from your higher self. See yourself as a divine entity from above sees you. Self esteem is not the same with self-love. Self esteem is conditionate. Self love is unconditional. Sometimes we don't need cogntive intelligence in order to sort those things out, but rather widsom or intuition. And I do believe that bullies don't have high self esteem. Not the true one, in fact. They have a manfucactured fake self esteem which hides pain. Because you can't inflict pain in someone if you don't have it in yourself. From personal experience, all the bullies that I met were either jealous, insecure or victim's of someone else's agression. They give what they receive. It makes more sense to me like that. It is interesting how much I sometimes can connect to what you say and how other times I feel it so opposite. It's probably because you seam to me someone who extracts knowledge by using the mind. I extract knowledge by using the soul. What does that mean? I guess it's unexplanable. It has to be felt. Like a beautiful mountain scenery.
Emotional intelligence mainly refers to being able to read the situation in a room. The problem here is it: it is all too easy to fall into arguing semantics. Low self-esteem may well be an umbrella term which encompasses the general feeling of positivity or lack of it. Even looking at studies of Dolphins listening to Mozart, how positive and playful and accepting and warm Dolphins are, from such tests, not to mention Mozart raises the IQ. It is totally acceptable to use the term low self-esteem, distinguished from feeling a bit low one day progressing to a pattern of feeling low on a regular basis, another term is lacking in confidence mixed with low self esteem. IF someone isn't feeling great, the last thing you would tell them is that perhaps they shouldn't be feeling great, by the same token a person with a good health sense of esteem, would take a criticism and use the feedback in a positive way and work through obstacles and overcome any prejudices or barriers. So avoid claiming low or high self esteem are the only two polar opposite extremes by which we should measure things. Also avoid only honing in on that umbrella term and simply be aware that this is an umbrella term for certain positive or negative states of mind, with the overriding factor that the person is regularly in that state. That said, in most cases, a person does not go around saying: I feel negative today", it's not a phrase one uses often, it can be observed the patient, 'has negative thoughts", however that patient might have hi self esteem, with negative thoughts, so the two cannot be conflated and mixed up as a cross definition of one or the other to verify low or high self esteem. Low self esteem can comprise of several emotions, guilt, shyness, confidence, and if extreme tips over into depression, the point is what is the pattern and does it hinder you from achieving a goal. High IQ is not linked to high self esteem either, many intellectuals become lost in their own thoughts, a person with a photographic memory once said, "it's not that great all the time, every time I see something shocking or recount an argument or conflict which has occurred, it stays present in my mind for the rest of time", so even a great Oxford student suffered tremendously from confidence and low self esteem, be that confidence: assuredness, presence, saying the term: self-esteem, is elusive and does not exist technically, is simply a lawyer arguing in semantics, it does exist, it's merely a umbrella term a short hand term: and can on the spectrum be a clear easy way to describe a state in its own right. Nobody wakes up saying, I feel like I have low social anxiety issues, which they may well have. Should people have low self esteem: well ideally not in society, although nobody feels perfect all the time, however, if the mood never changes in any facet of ones emotional pallet, then it is a problem, regardless of the label given to it at the time, it exists. Here is how Peterson misses the point through his own contradiction: saying 'perhaps a person shouldn't be feeling great all the time', = low self esteem does not exist, and yet a killer, can have high self esteem, which ideally they shouldn't have, they should feel terrible for what they have done, but a, what is the pattern, do they always feel low or high? (If we are acknowledging that a person can have high self esteem, so too can we acknowledge that the opposite exists), or does it fluctuate? Which is another state, b, telling them they should have low self-esteem is neither here nor there, it exists, but the person victim is still dead, so we are pushing beyond the realm of high or low self esteem as a moral judgment for the killer , it serves no solution for the victim: ok, so, telling a child off for doing something wrong, this is healthy as a once off, and if the child takes the telling off constructively and reacts in a positive manner, then this is ok, if this is repeated or the child feels constantly low and re offends and things get worse, then we are dealing with a pattern of low-self esteem compounding and evolving into deeper issues. So it depends on where the term self esteem is tagged on to in the spectrum and what the pattern is. Any emotion which stays in a repeated consistent state, can be termed and recognised, it merely depends to what degree.
The efficacious sense is situational. You can be in a situation where you know you’ve got it and you’re confident or you can feel insecure in your inability to handle something. I find that’s situational and directly sets my self worth. You can have a generalized depression though.
high ego calls for high self esteem. High self esteem calls for entitlement. When reality doesn't meet entitlement, then you have narcissistic collapse. Funny to watch and it happens every time.
@@travis6694 I want to add on top of that. Same goes for dictators. They have no power over something. So what do they do? Work with the resources they have always known. Which is a high selfesteem/arrogancy not staying truthfull to themselves, lying about who they are towards others (because than people will listen and follow). But in the end its just an illusion to make them feel better and secure about their traumas from the past (f.e. high authority in family - a baby/child suffers because of that - later on the child become high authority towards others because he/she only wanted to be accepted by their parents and still unsubconscouisly wants it.) This is how narcisism and other trauma compensations are born. In the end its just a complicated freeze fight or flight method which is embedded in the big brain over the years.
Being less sensitive to disgust is exactly what we call emotional intelligence, atleast here in Brazil. Using your rationality to supress your emotions and staying in controll, being able to handle crazy emotional things and still being able to act as a human being instead of like an animal going berserker. So it is exactly as he described in the end and I do believe it is indeed related to the G factor. I admire Peterson a lot and I have learned a lot with him, but I disagree about the self steem part. Self steem is totally related with happiness and it is not about accepting who you are no matter how shit you are, that is being delusional and you can't lie to yourself forever and truly. You will eventually become narcissistic if you keep trying and you will get affected by any negative feedback feeling it almost like a death threat... You should picture who you should ideally be, how a role model you should be, in a realistic way (or like he usually says, find the hardest task/mission and strive to accomplish it) and you should enjoy when you are advancing towards it, prideful of being able to do it and admiring yourself for it. When you are deriving from it, then you should realize you are not being who you could and should be and therefore there is not much for you to like in yourself, because that is reality and you can't be happy denying it and trying to escape it. Being happy is also not about lots of pleasures or more pleasure than displeasures. If that was the case, you would never see miserable and suicidal depressive huge rock stars immersed on drugs changing the chemistry in their brain making then feel good, with a lot of women and all the money in the world. Happynes happens when you love yourself for the values you acquired through effort done to making you more close to what you ideally think you should and could be. Than you start feeling good about yourself, even if you are having displeasures or avoiding some small pleasures. The feedback that your brain gives you in such situations worths way more than any or summed momentaneous pleasures you might have. Also, I tested bullies a lot of times, and after talking a little bit with them I always found behind it someone who were overcompensating frustrations, pretending they were truly thinking they were great. But they were never engaging into meaningful relationships or amazing challenge projects, not because they really thought they were any better, but because there were always defensive mechanisms that he was avoiding being dumped by a girl (so they were treating woman like objects and "consuming" one after the other and dumping her before she could dump him) or saying they are to good to do something and being bossed, because they couldn't stand criticism revealing they aren't as good as they think/pretend they are (they became narcissistic as I said above).
Interestingly people I know describe "emotional intelligence" as different, almost the opposite. I think they meant a certain empathy, with understanding. I always thought it strange if they mention EQ...because it's intelligence it should be IQ or EIQ. I don't like the vagueness surrounding emotional intelligence. What you describe sounds like stoicism. Words have often become too slippery so that people fill it in their own way... What you describe about bullies in particular sounds spot on. Bullies are not happy and need something to feel better about themselves. Psychology remains slippery because you can't truly capture thoughts from people, those are private. I suppose there is real self esteem and pretended self esteem and the studies Peterson describes looked at the surface (since you can't truly know one's thoughts), simply how people would say they think about themselves. But apparently there were other studies that were able to detect narcissism...that's where you learn their self esteem is out of touch.
Parents have the most influence first on the infant mind, young mind. Then school, and peers creep in. Parents still must interpret for their kids what is acceptable and not acceptable. Parents run childhood teams, sports, events....stop the participation awards with no winners. Life has winners and lovers, kids need to learn how to cope. No im not saying everything must be competitive but balance it out. We have young adults making demands because they exist, no merit based rewards.
What do you mean, it has nothing to do with how one feels, it's the ability to decide things for yourself, accept where you went wrong, tell the truth to yourself etc. Overall taking ownership over one's life. I can very much testify that one doesn't really 'feel' more responsible as they grow up and accept a greater burden.
Yeah I'm not following the point of his hair splitting here. He's got some interesting points sometimes but most times he just comes off as having an old man rant, albeit an intelligent one.
@@TimothyGrabarczyk Thats plenty of diffrent concepts, one is about autonomy, the other is integrity, the third is responsebility, which is the one i disagree with. Its just a feeling, nothing real. You didn't choose to be born, and you don't choose to die. And most of the things inbetween are nature, nurture, culture, ect. Sure its a nice idea for people to hold onto if they find it usefull, but its far more usefull for ideolougse such as peterson himself to make you into a man of society, and get used and abused by society as such, as if it forceing your hand wasn't enough. And please don't conflate what i said with not achiving anything, because you can achive plenty of stuff without having to feel the burden of responsebility, thats what capitalism is all about my friend.
Basically him at the end: "I don't believe that happy or sad exist." "I don't believe that good or bad exists." ...all things that have opposites have to exist. (Optimissm vs pessimism). Human beings have different scales of emotions and different scales of intelligence. Emotional intelligence has to exist.
"The smarter you are, the less sensitive you are to disgust." My layman stupid opinion which maybe just restates his explanation: disgust is instinctual, intelligence is kind of the opposite of instinct(ual). So yeah, the "cortical inhibition" makes sense to me.
I have always thought. I have very low self esteem, but perseverance and positive outlook. It has helped me a lot to try to become better and I still have tons to do.
No, you should not "always" have pride in yourself, but rather work so hard that you gained pride in yourself. If you're in a bad situation due to you self-doing, you should not have pride in yourself, that's how you shoot for a better place/situation. That's the point of this lecture.
