How to Deal with Rejection Sensitivity 

The “ do what you know” is the hard part.. but to start...I’ll go with getting some sleep! Thanks for the lil nudge Casey!

I already practice a couple of the ideas she share.. It is hard at times... X

@@mammybelle7302 I also have ADHD. For me, practicing openness to a deep level has really helped me to not care too much about what others think about me. I try to search for new ideas/ theories /systems that can improve my skills. Everyone (as said in the video) has their own way of finding out what works for oneself, and I hope that you guys can find or already have found ways to improve. 😉👍

ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-PEexQAkhFpM.html allo. ... i hear the term validation a lot but i have to wonder how some people or groups or even religions play on that fear of rejection?

thank you for this.

Codependency

I was recently called a quiet lad and I started to shake and worry i wasn't good enough

Agreed

So much this !

My mom said she didn't like my outfit and I had a panic attack for a straight hour or more

having to tell people “dont pay attention to whatever im doing right now my brains just like that hahah” while simultaneously crying as if youre at a funeral

I feel the same way! My brain is just overly emotional. Therapy has helped me to deal with it but it has not lowered the intensity of my feelings.

Oh wow. Rejection sensitivity. I have that extremely bad at work. I care way too much but my coworkers and managers think about me. I can't stand even being a minute late because I think they'll start hating me. If we're super busy at work, the workload isn't what stresses me out. It's the idea that my coworkers and managers are going to start judging me and criticizing me for how efficient I am. This gets so bad that I cry about it at work sometimes. People at work have started noticing that I'm very different than everybody else, and that I'm extremely sensitive. Which only compounds the problem further because not only am I sensitive, now I'm sensitive about being sensitive. I'm really harsh on myself when I do poorly and I hate the idea that people have to walk on eggshells around me. I started to hate myself and I really want to know what's wrong with me.

are you a female?

I feel the same way but I don't have ADHD as far as I know. But I want to be diagnosed with what I think is bipolar depression. But maybe other things will be revealed to me.

I agree. Me yesterday.

Every Single Day. Doesn’t help that people have confirmed these fears 🤕

Reliving conversations even with old friends wondering if I've offended them, if was boring, if I talked over them, if I didn't communicate my ideas properly.the self recrimination is brutal

Yup. One day, I owned up and shared with my sister in law. I left feeling really uncomfortable, afraid I over shared. I was about to see her again the next day, and I had a full on panic attack, because I was worried I was going to be rejected.

It’s sooo true and precise🥲

Oh, my goodness. Yessssssss. And don't people love you for it?! I know my boss loves my independence. But at the same time has coached and urged me to be more assertive, speak up in meetings, share my opinion, ask for what I need (which also prevents me from exploding like a volcano when I can stuff no more. It's rather unpleasant for the people around me). Hi, I'm an ISFJ with AD[H]D. 😆

what are FRIENDS ??????

That comment helped a lot. Thanks. Sometimes you can't put a problem into words and therefore can't be solved. I studied philosophy, but sometimes it is really hard to define a problem, solving is also hard :)

I will have to message my friend soon, and i am dreading it. I often send a message and dont look at it until hours later

Lmao not a problem if u don’t have friends to ask 🤣🤣🥲

I recently told a friend, with conviction and sincerity, that the only thing I learned from highschool was to never try, because you're never good enough. My entire life has been fear, self hate and self doubt, friend, so you are not alone.

I've been avoiding applying to grad school for 5 years even though it's been my dream b/c I have terrible anxiety even from just looking at the website. I feel so ashamed and I feel like no one gets it. I'm glad I'm not the only one.

This was exactly what happened to me. Had a hard time going to office hours in college for the same reason.

I'm 40 and finally finishing my BA bc of... well ADHD is the shortest version. I would love to try a pHD someday but im.so scared I will fail terribly. The fact that you've gotten as far as you have is inspiring.

yup, letters of recommendations are my last step before grd school...for 15 years 😬

the cure meditation and journaling

I couldn't go back to a frozen yogurt store because they said they open in 30min and I was embarrassed. It wasn't this bad in my 20's.

This is true, sometimes it is completely innocent, but the depression and anxiety that accompany ADHD makes it feel like rejection.

Are you telling me that my family actualy doesnt hate my and mi "friends" hate me? Nah

@@VenusVoice I feel you on this one friend. I have done many similar things.

This part of the video genuinely made me gasp because I finally realized how long rsd has been affecting my life.

I don’t think I had a real friend until I was an adult, thankfully then they came in their droves but that part of feeling so lonely for so long still hurts.

Me too. This was my experience and now my kid is going through the exact same thing (I know your comment is a year old but I had to reply)

Can you tell me more about the part of having reciprocal friends. That really resonates with me

Yeah 😔 unfortunately this seems to be a statistical pattern with most of us. Cuz in our society most times different = bad… no matter what. And what can we be BUT different if our brains literally don’t process like the “standard” of the day? ..yeah

THIS.

😭😭

I do 😭 my life is falling apart and i only just discovered i have adhd very recently but knowing there are others on the same boat makes me feel better

@@admantite same

This young lady is so helpful!

@@skyjust828 w

damnit

Yup! Xx

Damnit

Ya got me 😂

And can't even focus on one comment at a time in it?

there are also other words, like highly-sensitive person (= the best persons😊 ) or trauma-noise with regards to PTSD many call it body-memories (of past trauma)

This comment literally made me tear up. You just connected the dots of things I knew about myself and Rejection Sensitivity (which I just learned about) and put them together in a very real and very painful truth.

You are not alone. A lot of us can really empathize ❤

I didn't know either ♡ you are not alone

@derda1304 I have PTSD. What is trauma noise? Is it where you jump out of your skin if someone just walks in the room when you aren't expecting it? Or a noise so incredibly loud it feels like it's piercing your eardrums when no one else seems to be bothered by it? I am highly sensitive across the board. Emotions, eyes, ears, skin, and even tastebuds and of course being very jumpy.. it's annoying.. Every time it happens, it makes me feel like ppl think I was doing something wrong and got caught.. I know EMDR would be helpful for me, but it's hard.. to my knowledge is not covered by insurance, at least not mine.. I'm in fight or flight 100% of the time.. and ppl just tell me I'm too tightly wound and should just calm down and relax. That's just not how it works.. for me..Which goes back to the feelings of no one understanding or that there's something wrong with me..

Makes sense

I always feel bad if somebody lets me down

I always feel like I’m disappointing someone

@@samanthastover5940 Same, it doesn’t even matter if I did good or bad, and i feel disappointed in myself a lot too. It’s hard

Worst is when people start using you because they know that they can pressure you into doing things for them

Can relate. Took me years from someone in college breaking up with me, to release it and move on.

Me too man, 5 years and still struggling with moving on

Twinzies except I'm 21

@@johnpilots7619 same man.

24 here. I had one boyfriend as a teenager, in high school 😂

Absolutley

I wish i could pretend

Or, sometimes, pretending to 'like' other humans! They can be so boring.

Omg i would but I can't stand anybody.

@@user1.8.2. I feel you.

What happens when we are with pathological liars, abusers and narcissists and in toxic ambient, toxic shame culture country. What then?

What do you mean by conflict of needs?

Yeah I've been practicing "this situation sucks but it really isn't about you" in some cases. Trying to take things less personal, yknow

@@pathofthetrickster "Trying to take things less personal" haha if this was so simple , we would not be here listening about deep psychology. We'd be in nature, at cafe, making and maintaining friendships and making romantic moves, seek better jobs.

@@renzonaupari6058 If you waited her for 3 hours - and there was no medical or urgent issue due to delay without taking into consideration of giving you any explanation for the wait - yeah, this is a sign of mental problem.

i'm crying too!! i've gone back to the motivation bridge video so many times and just sobbed over how much sense everything makes. i show that video to everyone and it's one of the only things that gets people to understand that i'm TRYING! i'm not lazy, i just have adhd

Yes. Like yesterday I went to the store and it was closed and I got so mad

Yes! It’s because with big things there’s a lot of stimulation so we actually calm down and can focus better. That’s why a lot of people with ADHD are EMS workers or Firefighters.

@@CakedCrusader9 that comment really intrest me can you share some links or info about it?

Yes! Like petty little frustrations and inconveniences that seem to add up!

@@CakedCrusader9 Interesting. I have been told that I have "a cool head in an emergency." I never made that connection. Thanks!

I didn't have a real one till highschool, I was a people pleaser so naturally I had people around me. They're not "friends" tho, just people. I had my first bff on 7th grade.

That stunned me too, I jave had 1 friend, maybe 2 at a time, and since I only have had one friend at a time, I naturally grow very close to them, and then they leave, time and time again. Its strangely comforting to know I'm not some jerk or nobody. I'm praying for you!!!

I have had only two true friends, one in middle school and the other in elementary, the one in elementary she is my best friend though I do not live nearby anymore I only have acquaintances and I am OK with that since people aren't the greatest overall when they become closer vs short terms. Learn to embrace it I say, it is not so bad.

i’ve only really had one consistent friend and we are pretty certain she also has adhd

I got my best friends in Grade 8th. And now I feel like we are no more than acquaintance, I am in 12th now.

The irony when we take days to respond to texts but go into RSD mode when others don’t respond in hours. ;-;

RICH GORANSKI

SAME!!!

Yes’m.

They do. They do hate you.

Can definitely relate

I definitely got this feeling in certain whatsapp groups

I only text my mom and dad.

@Carb Snobler best part is crying is healthy!🤣🤣😂😂😭😭😭

@Carb Snobler why can’t we just get along?

The same thing happened to me in 3rd grade. I remember feeling absolutely devastated, like I was really a bad kid. 😭

Putting lol at the end of ur sentence does not hide the pain

We had that same stoplight system in 2nd grade. I misunderstood the instructions one day. We sat in front listening to a lesson, then we were told to go back to do the workbook then come back. I came back with my book & got in trouble for disobeying & not paying attention. I cried the whole day & was too ashamed to tell my parents for over a decade. Turns out the school had a trained physiatrist for situations like that but my teacher didn't bother sending me & my parents, not knowing what happened, couldn't have known I was denied help. I also got in trouble for playing Scrabble during an indoor recess, as the teacher considered it a game, not a puzzle (puzzles were allowed but not games; though isn't Scrabble just a word puzzle?? And we were learning more than a jigsaw puzzle would've taught us). I also had a book taken away from me & was scolded for reading below the level I was assigned. We homeschooled after that year.

In elementary school in classes I enjoyed I talked too much and answered too many questions. I was very quiet in other classes but in the classes I liked, my teachers had a system where I was given a small pile of pennies and a cup at the beginning of every class. Every time I raised my hand or said anything, I had to put a penny in the cup, and when I ran out, I wasn't allowed to talk anymore. I hated it so much and while it did serve it's purpose of making me be more mindful of what was worth saying out loud (what if I had something more important to say later?) It was still terrible and embarrassing and over time made me participate less and feel less invested in the class. Then I lost interest and my grades dropped and teachers were like "what happened??" As if they weren't the ones who forced me not to participate. And like, I guess I kinda sorta get the logic of "you participating so much discourages other students from participating because they know you'll always answer the question for them" I still think that's dumb. Maybe they just don't want to talk in front of the class, some people just like to listen. It isn't my fault no one else wanted to talk as much as I did. And I always raised my hand and waited for permission before talking so it wasn't even interruptive 😭

Oh yeah that happened with me once. I would also obsessively check my backpack before getting picked up by the bus to make sure I had everything- and the one time I forgot a piece of homework in 3rd grade I spent the entire day crying because I felt so scared of being reprimanded by the teacher (pretty sure he never even said anything lol he was super nice)

Lmao same-

X3

For me it wasn't a book but music... But yeah sums up a lot I guess

Same - I was given a "Bookworm" award in elementary school because I'd read my book while walking single file down the hall with my class.

💕

I will forever be the sensitive one in my family and they will forever try to force me out of it. 😪😔

Therapy has helped me to reframe this. Everyone always told me to “be less sensitive.” Be sensitive! What I needed was capacity, to handle and process my sensitivity. And that is possible.

Sarah Olivares thank you!! Yes, it's not the feelings or the sensitivity, it's the way we manage it. I've come to accept it and even appreciate it about myself. Sometimes the voices from childhood come back, though.

I think the world needs more sensitive people, it’s hard to be sensitive but I think it’s a gift to others when we use it for being kind and understanding (vs. wrapped up in our own feelings too much). So it’s basically a superpower.

@@tknows470 from your lips my friend.

+1

+1 I'm up for this as well

Fr plseasssseee

YESSSS

That is one thing I would totally run to the drug store to get, if you could get it there. That, and being a go-getter. But I am quite sure social skills would help a lot there.

I am an artist, and I sabotage myself this same way with my art. Its like I'm afraid of success. Thought it was just me.

I can relate! Except, I'll share my projects but never finish them because I can always "defend myself" from criticism by explaining, "Well it's not finished yet!" so anything they say can't hurt me because I can pretend I already knew that flaw and am already planning to address it. But then the problem is that I never do finish the project, or won't label it as "finished" if I do... I was realizing a year or two that it seems like I don't want to finish things, but really I do!! It's just hard to focus enough to get there, and be strong against the criticism when I do arrive.

Yeah, I never feel good enough. And fear of rejection makes me less like to share things or to take chances because of intense fear of being ridiculed if not overtly, secretly. I have hard time taking compliments and when someone shows interest in me, I often think I'm being scammed or used in some way only to be discarded after they get what they wanted out of me.

@@emilys3638 omg saaaaame!

@@emilys3638 literally surrounded by unfinished pieces.

I just said the same thing to myself.

Ive come to assume that I like other people a LOT more than they like me. It has helped be guard my heart, but it doesn’t really help, because it assumes rejection from the onset. I also expect that other people have NO problem dropping me as a friend, which makes engaging in friendship building a very shaky endeavor. I don’t expect loyal friendship from very many people.

@@maillemacanaugh1841wow that really resonates with me.

same dude. Her channel has made me realize so many things about myself.

Me too!

That happens often with ADHD it seems....

Me too!!!

Same

god yeah, the worst part is the embarrassment afterwards.

charlie Yap. Why didn’t it occur to me that worrying my grandma would think I was uncool and not wanna hang out with me anymore was also not a proportionate response, but you know. When you’re on a roll.

Same with me when I broke my parents tv on accident. But idk if I have rsd yet. I've been watching videos for the past 20 min but kept on getting distracted by trying to read the comments. At the time I broke it apparently I was laughing crying and I didnt notice. And my dad told me to stop laughing so I was just like dang

burningthemidnightoil Even when she didn’t understand, she’s always been my favorite person.

I laughed at the end of this but I've got tears in my eyes knowing how deep and real your feelings are. Why do we feel so hard?!

Thanks you write that you have both. I actually thought about if both diagnosis are possible. I am in borderline theraphy but i see myself more in add then borderline and was thinking i'm possibly diagnosed falsely. My mum said i have add since childhood - while i figured borderline to be a thing later on. I'm not really sure but since you wrote it i know that there could be a co-morbidity.

Are there any medications that can help? I have not been diagnosed, but believe I have both of these along with this video it completely resonated with me as well.

So basically this: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-y-fcIbq7roI.html XD

@@Cheebzsta okay that was funny

At least we super power creativity and energy when we’re healthy in return :P

So basically God has ADHD? That would actually explain a lot.

LOL 😂

@Carb Snobler you're literally just wrong lmao

@Carb Snobler this is pathetic, you can't even spell or use basic grammar lmfao

@Carb Snobler I don't know why you are acting like this spread love not hate ☮️

@Carb Snobler why were you so triggered by what the o.p. said? your response was so unnecessarily mean and not even productive.

@Carb Snobler when emotions are heightened is exactly when an issue shouldn’t resolved lol but our brains want to do something about it. That’s why I tell my friends “wait till you calm down, then respond, because you’re not in a headspace to do so correctly”

I have that overwhelming need too. I feel like that one is going to be a hard one to break. It feels like a biological need, like eating or something... If feels so intense

Can totally relate.

But then also being called wise/nature for your age 😂

@@emmagriffiths1543 Exactly omg

Yup

same its been over two minutes Im still crying :( and I'm a man.

@@samson3523 Maybe worse for you as a man, not ‘supposed’ to cry? Feelings have to come out sometime, in some way. I haven’t even pressed play yet, I’m crying just reading the comments. Always felt so misunderstood : (

This made me cry too, really hard. School was torture for me because I had such a hard time making friends, and then people would make fun of me for being a "loner," and it's just this awful cycle that repeats over and over. Ugh. It's hard to build self-esteem after that, and I've worked really hard to, but sometimes it can come tumbling down again easily.

Same. I started crying a couple of minutes in and havent really stopped. Its been about ten minutes since I finished it but then I went to the comments and boom... more tears.

@@samson3523 seriously. i feel like i could show this to a friend and they finally would understand whats going on but idk if thats too much to share

wow. I need to put this on my refrigerator, so I see it every day.

Did you get diagnosed?

i feel the exact same way rn

I feel the same as well

SAME!! I ACTULLY REALLY NEEDED THIS RN CAUSE SOME OF MY FRIENDS HAVE HUNG OUT WITHOUT ME A BIT RECENTLY AND I THOUGHT IT WAS BECUASE OF ME, BUT AFTER I WATCHED THE VIDOE I MESSAGED MY FRIEND AND EXPLAINED A BUNCH AND NOW EVERYTHING IS CLEAR TO ME AND OMG IM CRYING SO MUCH

@@blaze_here7357 HEY! I had that happening to me sooooooO many times and not a single time did I handle it well before realising it's highly connected with adhd!! It TRULY helped me to rationalise the situation once I found out the reason!

Me too

Yep - not gonna happen!

Saaaameee

Word

It's how beating fears works though. Start small. Maybe try making a recommendation on dinner with a loved one, that's a kinda small one.

@Carb Snobler I don't know why you are acting like this spread love not hate.☮️

So true 😭 so many times I’ve been on the verge of breakdown because of something that had be building up, but as soon as it passes over it’s almost as if it never happened. The problem is when the underlying issue never gets addressed, so it happens again.

EXACTLY, and when I remember why I was upset then I'm like "oh well il handle it better next time" BUT WHEN NEXT TIME COMES I LITERALLY CRY COS I MESSED IT UP AGAIN

I didn't know this happened to others! Like, I'll have a breakdown and then it will pass and I forget and the cycle repeats..

Yesssss same, I have this problem when people don't text me back, I panic and think my message offended them somehow. I spiral and spiral and think over and over "I know this is going to feel like nothing happened as soon as they text me back, so why can't I just skip to that part?" And then sure enough, four hours later when they text me and nothing was actually wrong, my day goes back to normal. It's weird going from such a dark dark place to completely fine in an instant. Once I even took a sleep aid to make time pass faster because it was so overwhelmingly painful.

I literally just thought of that, then read this comment xD The timing could not have been any better

I was literally googling how to handle emotional disregulation yesterday lol. At least now I got an answer. :)

@@nishsfSo glad this helped - even more than google:) Caroline

@@DiscoPenguin23 So glad- I love it when the universe sends us a signal! Caroline

My husband was just trying to explain some of this to our kids today. 😂 perfect timing!

Hey, dido! 😏

😭 absolutely

its still heartbreaking with a diagnosis :(, but yeah this channel helps a lot

Eyup, right there with you.

Best part is it's possible to change it :) let's keep fighting

I thought it was just my brain being it’s own weird self and being like hahaha u got rejected your friend literally doesn’t talk to you u have nothing in common me we are the same person haha lol

Same. You're not alone. Usually it presents itself (at least in my life) as strongly wanting to please people. But that's because I'm afraid of rejection.

@@JeffHendricks same

Me neither....

Curious, do I talk to my physician or a psychologist?? Feeling like my life is being summed up in these videos!

And then I got fired 😞

And then I broke up with my boyfriend and blocked him on EVERYTHING. He did deserve it, after I spoke with him and my therapist, but still.

YES I can relate

Add Empath..lol..

@@JCluvr19 and then..Me too .22 years same place.Icu nurse..Empath.only child.lol

Isn't that the cause of rejection?

did you write it in front of your toilet

@@arnikolo2916 exactly xd

In other words, it’s rejection. That’s exactly what a “conflict of needs is”. 🙄

@@kconrad5893 Sometimes, things worded differently make you realise better. And that's okay :)

You’re so lucky. Mine either get irritated because I’m ‘unreasonable’, or question my adulthood on the grounds of me being ‘overreacting’.

I feel like if I ask for reassurance or anything, I'm essentially coercing then into it. Like I can never trust their answer if it comes only after my prompting. Like they're just telling me what they think I need to hear so that they can get away from me and an uncomfortable situation. It's gotta come from them, no prompting, to make me feel like it has even a possibility of being genuine. But unfortunately that doesn't happen too often I'm glad you don't deal with that, because it sucks. I hope I didn't just plant a seed of doubt or anything, I'm just sharing

@@megb4613You’re not alone. I go through with this every time 🥲

Most people really don’t care that much. Consider yourself blessed to have people like that.

Wow that's so mean sending a cryptic message and letting you stew over the weekend on it! I would go nuts!

My response has to been to form an out-crowd. One of my friends got so much grief at high-school by trying to fit-in that I decided to fit-out. Not overtly rebelling against coolness but simply not playing the game (saved me a fortune in sneakers!). Even now in my fifties that still works. It especially worked at one company that had a sickening culture of cool where I was operating at my own level of not being cool but somehow not un-cool either.

Hey, it's better than "most people randomly don't like me". That's what I had in my back pocket for most of my childhood.

It makes sense to me. I have a friend with ADHD but I don't and they can drive me up the wall at times to the point that I just need to remove myself. It can be hard to interact with someone who is constantly on a different wavelength than you and you end up just wanting to be with someone who is on the same wavelength.

@@TheSpecialJ11 I understand completely. What you're describing is normal for people without the issues with social skills. I have ADHD but am also a teacher. I taught a young man with Aspergers Syndrome (not ADHD) who also had difficulty making and keeping friends, not because of rejection sensitivity but because, as you rightly put it, he was on a completely different wavelength. The small number of friends that he did have burnt out rather quickly and I decided to rotate different friends at recess and lunch, and on different days to try to stop them from burning out. It worked for a while but the small number of friends he had made it difficult to maintain. There were days when I added myself to the list or tasked other teachers to give the kids a rest. It helped that I was also on playground duty (I live in Australia where teachers do playground duty). The adults were able to manage being with him for these periods than the kids because they were able to draw on much greater reserves of patience than the kids ever could. But there would have been a limit, even for them and me. I hope this helps you understand that you're not alone and that it's okay to feel this way. Without knowing either yourself and your friend I don't want to make suggestions as to what to do. The best I can do is suggest you find a counsellor of some sort to get some ideas from.

#me 😒

I've been there, it sucks a lot But remember you are not alone Stay strong

Same. It’s not even funny, especially about the driving.

I'm not a doctor but that sounds like social anxiety. Maybe you could bring these feelings up to a doctor so they can help! It helped me. Wish you the best!

I feel you. I'm 39 and I've had a driver's permit since I was 16. I just haven't been able to get over that wall of awful.

@@alisonleahbernadette2844 Same just at 32. Definitely one of the most embarrassing things for me is NOT even having a license. I never feel like a real adult and get insanely insecure about dating people because of it

I feel the exact same, but i use that anxiety when learning to hold myself to a higher standard and because i notice every single mistake i make and how to avoid it. It also caused me to fail my driving test the first time because i wanted to park perfectly otherwise I'd get noted as not parking good enough and as such i ended up slightly mounting the curb.

Yea that happens too. You're not alone. If something in this video doesn't work for you there's likely still things you can do, and just being gentle with yourself is always a good start.

No such thing as a crybaby, that's a term made up by emotionally stunted adults to bully sensitive children into becoming numb. And being sensitive isn't a bad thing, it's a form of rebellion in a world that tells us to hide our problems (I reported the comment that I'm replying to but idk if anyone else can see it, so sorry if this makes no sense lol)

@Carb Snobler I hope you can get help for the very clear inferiority complex you have.

Look how mature this person is being, continuously making pointless derogatory comments on another human being!! Give em a gold star 🌟

@Carb Snobler I don't know why you are acting like this spread love not hate.☮️

@Rhonetta Johnson That's a negative attitude to have! We're actually getting married soon. 💖

@Rhonetta Johnson Yeah, hey...his boyfriend right here! And I don't appreciate that attitude. Y'all just jealous. 🥰

@Rhonetta Johnson 🤣🤣

@Rhonetta Johnson When people say things like this I kind of stop thinking they're serious. Are you a joke troll? Like a parody of a conservative? 🤣

@Rhonetta Johnson I promise you God is not pleased with your rude & hypocritical responses. Do better

Something that helped me with that was taking online tests and even looking at the DSM criteria. That way if they questioned me I was prepared to lay out the information and list my symptoms, but every professional I’ve talked to about it immediately agreed that I have ADHD without any of that so I didn’t even need to worry to begin with. I hope you do make that leap to get help, because as scary as it is, it feels so nice to not be on your own anymore

@@christalcavanaugh thank you for sharing your life experience, now I'll be less scared to reach out for help

@@christalcavanaugh sorry for interrupting yall but thank you for this!!

Relate to this comment so so much

WAIT- THIS MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENCE NOW! I HAVENT EVEN THOUGHT OF WHY I FELT THAT WAY!!! OMG

I’m an adult and I still feel this way.

Yes p

Oh no, I've never seen anyone put it into words but I definitely have that fear. Like what if I was bold enough to be like "this is my friend, so and so" and they call me out in front of everyone and say "we're not friends"? I would die on the spot lol

That's why I always say I don't make friends, others befriend me. I could not possibly walk up to someone and start a conversation, what if they think I'm annoying or intrusive? So I always wait until someone talks to me first and asks for my number first and writes to me first. I will never ever make the first move.

This breaks my heart :(

But does it solve the problem of being afraid people actually mean "You're a bore" when they say "Oh, I can't tonight"? I mean, I have definitely seen "Oh, I can't" mean "Oh, I can't" sometimes, and at other times "Ew, with you? Never!" I have seen girls lie to my daughter.

​@@cnj67 in my experience, it does help. obviously it won't make it go away completely, like i said in my original comment the hurt and the fear is still there, but it is SIGNIFICANTLY lessened when you're able to find some zen in the thought of 'if this person is blowing me off, i am not obligated to chase after them'. if they're telling the truth, and they're just not free, then you will eventually hang out with them again. if they're lying, you'll find out sooner or later. as jessica mentioned in the video, sometimes the best thing to do is be honest about your fears. for example, my best friend is a busy mom, and often that means we don't get to talk for a week or longer. she also has adhd, so reaching out/remembering to reply can be a challenge. but if the RS is hitting especially hard, i know i can message her and say "i am feeling lonely/fearful that i have upset you. can you confirm that is or isn't the case?" and likewise, she can do the same with me. 99.9% of the time the issue is that the previous messages were never seen (we mainly use discord which has been notoriously bad at showing new message notifications lately), and the .1% of the time that she is too upset or overwhelmed to talk, it's not because of me. conversely, my trusting nature and desire to people please has led me to become friends with some truly horrible people. and even when i was trying to keep the friendship going, deep down, i knew they didn't like me or didn't have my best interests at heart. it is SO HARD to let these toxic friendships go, but the more comfortable you are with knowing not everyone is going to be your forever friend, and that this is not a reflection of your self worth, the easier it is to let the duds go, and make room for people who genuinely appreciate you (and your brain). i am also 28 years old, and it took me until just 2 years ago to really and truly settle into this paradigm, which i had actively been trying to work on since i graduated high school. the path was long and stumbling, and honestly i still don't think i'm perfect at it, but it is so genuinely worth it to try. i hope your daughter can find a method that works for her.

That's why it's also important to practice self compassion/acceptance when you're at green. When I'm at red, I often go back to my old self hating mantras without meaning to. Then when I'm at yellow or green again I feel fine.

Any advise on how to convince a young child of this concept? I hate seeing my 5yo and 10yo chase after these horribly toxic "friends". Nothing I've said about it so far has really hit home for them yet.

I had a view years in school where i had this mindset that i needed a single best friend at school to hang out with. The day i let that go was the day that everything got better

Might I ask what the book will/is called?

@@Raft88I don't really know yet tbh-- 😅😅 I'm thinking something like "digression"

@@lousfandom5540 cool thanks!!!

Excellent behaviour. I’ve started doing this with my partner. And it’s helping.

I'm afraid to do that incase they think I'm picking a fight lmao

@@TheLiquidCat suggestion, clairyfy before u ask that its not to pick a fight?

@@TheLiquidCat Same, too afraid to come across as needy or weird. Wich ironically makes me needy and weird xD

I ask, what does that mean? A lot

Ray Ceeya Yeah I feel you I just feel like I always am stupid in social situations and I constantly think about stupid stuff I’ve done that no one probably remembers anymore

Ray Ceeya, just know that you're not alone in this. I replay scenarios and conversations from decades ago when I'm in my darkest times. Sometimes it takes days to find my way back from that point.

Yes! I am constantly reliving embarrassing moments in my life, even though no one else remembers.

Aw, that's really difficult to deal with. I do, too! And I feel so guilty about everything because I don't want to hurt people's feelings!

For sure! That sounds awful! I struggled with driving for years, learning from my dad. One of the most traumatic experiences we've had together, was when he ended up dragging me into the shower under cold water to "calm me down" because I was so upset I just stopped the car and run out of there into the house. I will never forget it. It was soon after my parent's divorce and while I was still a new driver practicing with my dad, he took a call from his new girlfriend. I was SO mad his attention was no longer on me while I needed him watching over. Years later I struggled with my partner who also had no patience with me driving. He finally helped me pay for a driving course. Highly recommend it! That instructor sounds terrible though. Hope you can find a kinder one and pass your test.

Mariposa Redimida thank you for sharing. I actually found a different driving test center and got a REALLY nice lady and i passed my driving test (a month ago) 😀

@@c_n_uh4796 Sweet, congrats! Different instructing style can really make a difference!

Its totally what we do! And I am glad you liked the video. There is more to the intensity meter. I will share more over the next week but I am so glad this helped.

Same!

I know I’m not alone in these things but sometimes it’s nice to actually see that I’m not alone in these struggles ❤️

Perché per le Pkk j

Same! Don't submit writings to be published, don't date, don't try to promote yourself for better job opportunities cause what if it doesn't work out? Sigh!

Really? What was that like? So I can recognize it if that ever happens to me.

@@EmeraldLavigne are you asking about the green zone feel like or the red?

Maybe it's more about what is normal for you. Or when you think most clearly.

It feel like when In the green zone you feel a sense of joyful feelings but a lot of mix feelings almost like a nostalgia but the words I like to use is "Ecstasy' it is a feelings of freshness like how you felt when you were a toddler/kid without a care or worry in the world but just pure happiness. The red zone feel like you are completely disabled, you feel something rub against your skin that you rub or scratch against your skin whether it is your arms, legs trying to grasp to do work or trying to grasp to understand something, even if it is something simple. What causes it is being in hostile environment such as being around someone who is rude, with poor principal or a off day. The yellow zone is you feel alright but not great, you can still function but you feel something, you feel something tense up inside of you sorta like anxiety or maybe it is anxiety, you feel rush, trap, insecure slightly that you are still able to think but not at your best than when you are in the green zone. (You don't feel 100% confidant and asserted). That is the best way I can describe it from my experience that I struggle with alot, I am combine type and I am on disability because of it.

When I'm in the green I experience nothing major one way or the other with bipolar and I can concentrate really well without meds.

The same with me. And we are too affraid to call people. Ore we blame them not to care. And this makes them distancing even more...That´s what i sometimes do. And this is totally crazy.

@@susannesonnenschein2878 , I've actually been good about calling people, remembering their birthdays, texting them... with relatively little response in comparison. Maybe I'm just reaching out to the wrong people. I have so many acquaintances and "know" hundreds of people, but I honestly am afraid of reaching out to new people in case they "reject" me.

I see you and I hear you. I’m just missing socializing since there’s a pandemic and we have to social distance pretty often. The isolation makes me really sensitive to what I perceive as rejection because I really want to connect with people again.

Susanne Sonnenschein I try to call people every week or two weeks. I try to remind myself that it’s ok if my friends aren’t always initiating it, because I know that my close friends want to talk to me. And I try to call people I don’t talk to as often occasionally just to catch up.

Hey its 2 days later and idk if anyone has checked, but are you doing okay?

what did you think it meant?

Oh, the ADHD irony.... 😔

I laughed out loud cuz I've had almost the exact same experience

@Carb Snobler why the *fulk* are you here?

@@Jzombi301 It hates itself and wants to try to inflict pain on others because it's parents don't love it. It is lashing out like a kid with adhd in 2nd grade who got rejected LMAO

Me too❤️

@Carb Snobler I hope you learn to spread love not hate. ☮️

@Carb Snobler Nice job describing your funeral baldy.

@Carb Snobler you are a grown man, please do something more worthwhile than abusing people online

@Carb Snobler what was your intention? how exactly did you want to make other people feel?

OH.MY.GOSH. Actually, the same thing happen to me!!!! YAY, broken glass bubbies!!!!!😁😁😁

I did this same thing last week.

Same

I broke my mom's glass music carousel and still remember it. I was probably like 5. And I still feel bad lol

I will never forget the time that I "discovered" a snowglobe music box in my parent's bedroom right around Christmas and I eagerly began bringing it to show them -- but DROPPED it down the stairs on my way down! No one actually yelled at me that time, which was really nice, but I burst into tears of disappointment (it was pretty!) and remorse (I knew it was my mom's and I felt bad for breaking her treasure!), and to this day I feel a bit choked up inside whenever I hear the carol, "Oh Come Let Us Adore Him".... I've also been often accused of personifying inanimate objects. (Example: mad at the chair for stubbing my toe.. Feeling bad if I "reject" the apple by deciding not to finish it, etc.) Anyone else??

I've been diagnosed with ADHD for about 6 years, but never thought this rejection sensitivity could be related with it until now. Like other manifestations of the disorder, everyone always kept telling me this feeling was normal and as was just "overreacting". Even the mildest imprevisibility of basic social interactions were enough to leave me completely frozen by the antecipation of a possible rejection, but exactly like happened with my inability to focus on tasks, I grew up hearing I should just "try harder". I hope the understanding of this sensitivity as a consequence of ADHD will help me finally overcome this problem, since "trying harder" alone was never enough o_õ

Yes! This is the first time I have ever heard someone talk about this as though I wasn’t just defective for being “too sensitive “.

@@SauloMansur Same here; I got diagnosed with ADHD back when I was 6 (so close to 30 years now at this point, since I'm 34) and I didn't even know the rejection sensitivity could have tied into my ADHD until VERY recently. Of course, it's probably not helped I do live in a rather regressive little rural town and I'm just... kinda stuck dealing with it, but at least I have something of a social safety net online to sorta catch me when I fall, so to speak.

This comment ❤️❤️❤️

I'm literally sobbing watching this, this has been my life, I felt so isolated (and isolate myself) because of it.