Thank you for this! I work as a barista in a cafe with mostly elderly customers who enjoy long conversations, but unfortunately my job requires a high pace and focus. My typical non verbal cues haven’t been working and I find myself standing awkwardly listening to customers even though I need to get back to my station. This was concise and gave me all the tips I needed! 😌
I need this, I'm a Barista, and part of my job is engaging to our guests, after watching this, i'll improve more on doing small talks and how to close conversations in a nice way..thanks alex.
Stating a time limit! I've never done this before and always end up feeling like I am 'abandoning' a conversation too early. Setting a time limit seems like a great way to honor my boundaries and those of others. Thanks!
A VERY SHORT AND HELPFUL SUMMARY OF THE VIDEO 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 1) END ON YOUR TALKING TURN - 1:03 2) COMMUNICATE A TIME LIMIT - 1:32 3) PACK UP YOUR STUFF - 2:9 4) TELL THEM YOU HAVE TO GO - 2:50 5) SAY WHAT YOU'RE DOING NEXT - 3:17 6) USE POLITE EXPRESSION - 3:42 7) APOLOGIZE AND REPEAT - 4:28
Thank you for this logical and helpful breakdown.. Ending On MY Turn (No. 1), can be a challenge for me b/c I tend to allow folks to monopolize the exchange. But I can always interrupt politely and interject a time limit (No. 2) and combine this with letting them know What's Next (No. 5).
ALL PHRASES IN THE VIDEO WHICH IS USED 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 1) I'VE GOT ABOUT FIVE MINUTES TO TALK WHAT'S UP? 2) I HAVE ABOUT ONE MORE MINUTE BEFORE I HAVE TO GO BUT LET ME FINISH WITH THIS THOUGHT 3) I'VE GOT TO RUN 4) I'VE GOT TO GET GOING 5) I HAVE A MEETING TO GO TO 6) I HAVE SOME PROJECTS I HAVE TO GET BACK ON 7) I'M A LITTLE BEHIND ON SOME WORK 8) IT WAS REALLY GREAT CATCHING UP 9) I'M SO GLAD I BUMPED INTO YOU 10) THIS WAS A GREAT CONVERSATION 11) I'M REALLY SORRY BUT I DO HAVE TO GET GOING 12) I APOLOGIZE BUT I HAVE GOT TO GO TO MY MEETING NOW
I love this channel, only just discovered you Alex. These tips for ending conversations politely are great. I am regularly hijacked by long talkers. I think the most effective are the active signals, like putting my pen top on or tidying my stuff away. I had a boss a long time ago, he was 80 years old and the owner of an engineering business which had been in his family for several generations. He was very welcoming to people, receiving them in his office and genuinely listening to them etc. But all he had to do to bring the conversation to a close was to simply stand up. It never failed. He managed to convey by his stance that the meeting was at an end. He would shake hands warmly and accompany them right to the door of the building so they always felt as though there visit was important to him.
I think the best advice you gave for me was the first one. I have a tendency to interrupt people when leaving and I never thought twice about it until a few days ago and when I saw this video. Thanks!
I use all of these and can attest that they are very effective. The one that can benefit me the most is the one that I am a bit weak in, and that is #7, Apologize and Repeat. I need to apply that one more diligently. Thank you, Mr. Lyon!
Polite expressions seems like a great way to guard your time while encouraging follow up interactions; I really like this tip. At the same time, apologizing for setting a boundary doesnt sit right with me so I don't see my self using this one. Thanks for the video!
I really do apologize, but I have to go and watch another video. You've been great and really helpful. Have a great day. Seriously, I've got to go and watch this video as planned today. Bye now.
As someone Neurodiverse, I really struggle with this 😅 I need to find a way to end the conversation with the elderly neighbour when I'm in a rush on my way out
I've had the problem where I'd be serving customers, someone I'm serving starts a conversation and keeps going while I'm trying to serve my next customers. Now, normally I wouldn't mind to talk to them, but when I'm in the middle of serving other customers that I should be fully engaging with, it feels rude for a third person to be taking my attention away from my current customer. Even when I'd try to ignore them while continuing the transaction, they'd keep talking and I'd want to say "just take the hint and go!". But now I know I can just say "It's been lovely talking to you, but I have a lot of customers to serve, we can catch up later." Thanks Alex :)
Glad it was useful. I think your suggested response is a good one. You could say that or, "It's been great talking. _It looks like I had better_ help my other customers . . ." I'll bet if you practiced a few go-to ways of saying it, it'll start to come more naturally. Also, if you add some nonverbal cues like look around the room or look in another customer's direction just before you say it, it'll be obvious that you have lots to do.
@@alexanderlyon Yeah, practice makes perfect. I'm not great at saying things when they're pre-rehearsed, it makes me feel anxious and my mind goes blank. Thankfully I haven't needed to deal with customers for a few years cos of the pandemic, but it'll be useful to get out of talking to people :P
Thank you for all the advice! What about when you can't be the one who has to go? Like if they're in your office or in your home? As someone who's neurodivergent these cues are hard for me to pick up in others let alone express for my self. 😅
I say..."I better make tracks" to indicate that I'm about to leave the conversation! Another thing I do if I'm in a social situation & we are drinking tea or coffee, I would say "can I take your cup" to deliver to the coffee table!
Great video but this all implies that you 'have to get going" when this issue can surface in the middle of being W/ another person for an extended period of time. What should a person do when you are on a hike or are going to be with him/her for a longer period of time but are obsessing or ruminating about a topic that you are fatigued of hearing about. Thx
I really struggle with people monopolising my time and taking advantage, just talking at me on and on. I only ever really use 6 and 7 but real steamrollers will just ignore these more polite options and keep talking. It's infuriating because I dont want to be rude but they really give you no option. I really like the time limit idea, saying yeah I can chat for like ten minutes, because I still want to be friendly I just hate living in fear of being baled up for an hour when I just want to go about my business. This feels like a natural extension of how I have been setting alarms to make sure I don't stay past 6:30. Something that helped me feel better about "interrupting" (which I have learned is actually just ending a conversation) is realising that they are really the rude one for not being self-aware enough to pay attention to whether I am actually still enjoying the conversation or just being polite and I would really rather leave. I think these types of people need to be called out more. Who wants to have a multi-hour conversation outside in the dark and cold while I'm halfway inside my car ready to leave?! Read the "room" ffs!
But like how do you end a conversation when you don’t need to leave but you feel like the conversation died off? Cause like i don’t want to be abrupt like i’ve been wanting to leave or anything like that, but the conversation is over. If i was to say, “well, I’ll see you later.” i feel like that’s like me wanting to leave.
Thank you for that insightful video! I do number 7 but it needs a lot of work...my apologizing tends to come off as if I am making excuses. A combination of number 1 and number 5 would work best for me. Number 7 (with improvement) will work for the tricky long talkers.
I do think I can use #2 tho! It's good to see you, Mary. I have about 3min before I have to get back to [this thing you totally interrupted me from doing!] project.
I know the feeling. I have also found that those people can handle pretty direct communication (e.g., "I really have to go. Sorry."). They've heard it before so you won't be the only person who is saying it to them.
Communication Coach Alex Lyon Not only is it beneficial to end the conversation while its “your turn” but you can also hang up a phone to end a conversation by disconnecting while you’re still talking. The other person will assume that the call dropped since they wouldn’t expect you to hang up on yourself.🙄
Well, since a lot of the time it has to do with family members in the house, number four: saying I have to go, but it would actually mean I have to go to the bathroom. Which would work since I am known to have the bladder of a 2 year old. But I wonder if they would catch on after awhile that our conversations always end with me going to the bathroom. It’s a little hard to say I have something to go do when they can see that my next appointment is with the novel I am reading or the tv show I am watching. PS still helpful knowing to end on my turn and might be able to state a time limit some how.
Apologise & Repeat helps me. the most as Its my everyday problem to end up the conversations...And I really sometimes struggle to interrupt when someone is talking to me...
All are greats and will try them. My issue at work I have nice colleagues but they talk to me while I work which is so bad not sure how to solve it each time have to speak for an hour till have a chance to work. Sometimes I put my earphone and pretend I hear nothing from him. Plz I need help its serious i might quit for it.
I've done several things after repeating it a few times such as excuse myself from my own office and walk out. I had to genuinely leave work once to get home and the person followed me out to the parking lot! I maintained politeness the whole time, though, with my words and nonverbals.
I know this video is 5 years old (pre-covid) but since being forced back into the office a few months ago, i've noticed that these cues USED to work, but these days, people aren't picking up on non-verbal cues, and they don't respect your explicit cut off....it's as if people forgot how to socialize! I'm literally on a virtual team meeting with my headphones on, and people are trying to strike up conversation!....WHAT?! Am I doing something wrong???
Ending on my turn is not helpful in my particular case b/c the people hijacking my time give me no time to jump in and I also don't feel equipped with any conversational content in order to take my turn do that I can give them a 2 min time limit.
How about a person who does not even listen as you are saying this. I spent 3 hours telling a house guest that I have a lot of work so I can only sit for 5 minutes tops. I kept excusing myself and continued to talk. Really great person but too much time talking even when the worker showed up to do work and when the worker finished working and we need to talk money. Also cleaning person shows up talk talk talk.
I have politely walked people out of my house/office. I say, "Let me walk you out because I something really need to get to." Also, if you know the cleaning person is going to talk, then you can greet them, let them know you have something to do, and be sure not to stay in the same room. In other words, it sounds like you could be more assertive in letting them know what you'll be doing for your side.
This is common. When the time is up, you have to repeat that you're out of time, stand up, and end the conversation. "As I said, I really do have to finish now. Sorry about that. I have some important work I need to get done." Saying it once (or even twice) may not be enough. You have to follow through. As long as your words and tone are polite, you can follow through like this.
How do you end a conversation when you're not going somewhere? When you're just not wanting to talk with them anymore but they've come up to you and just talk and talk and talk and won't leave your space
Same idea accept you'd say something along the lines of, "I have to get some stuff done." If you add a little politeness to the beginning "Thanks for coming by. It was nice to catch up. I have to get some stuff done now."
