I’m a human and animal magnet 🧲 but my husband son and fiancé barely look at me on the eyes when having a conversation with my husband or in a family meal. They only talk to my husband and the rest of the family. I have tried now for 3 years to get closer to them and be friends but I just gave up. I believe I don’t have to be begging to be liked by them when the rest of people around me love me.
be careful of attracting narcs and people who talk to you because you're such a great listener- but who wont genuinely listen back when it comes to your end.
Being likeable doesn't mean you have to listen to people who provide no value to you, hog the conversation and reciprocate interest. People also like people who have healthy boundaries. It's not authentic to keep listen to someone you're not interested in.
God, I can’t even tell you how much your videos have helped me in just a span of 2 days. I found you literally two days ago and followed everything you’ve said so far and I’m already saying hello to strangers, making conversation with strangers, smiling more, and just feel overall more comfortable in my own skin. I’m typically very shy, introverted, and would always just walk around with a serious face to avoid talking to people. Boy, have things changed. Thank you.
@@luckyboy2933 I’m doing way better than I was back then. I feel significantly more comfortable in my own being. Additionally, I tried a 100-interaction-challenge at the same time and this also helped a lot. I’ve excelled a lot both in the workplace and outside of it. It’s great. Watching these videos was a really good starting point for me.
1. Use signaling (show liking) 2. We like people who like us ( the more we like people, the more people like us) 3. Use the similarity attraction affect 4. Highlight similarities ( we like people who are similar to us) 5. Be the real deal ( be real)
I hope you’ve made it through your depression 2 years later but just wanted to give a tip. Something I learned myself at a very young age and has served me well my whole life (I haven’t even watched this video yet) This tip is also a great way to help with depression because in a way ur helping somebody else. Putting your own problems and worries aside to listen to someone else’s story makes you feel valuable, appreciated and gives u a sense of purpose, which is what all of us are looking for. Why do u think so many people who suffer from depression become therapists?! ‘Give a man and why and he’ll endure almost any how’ -Nietzsche So here’s my tip: If you treat every person you meet as if they are an unopened book filled with interesting ideas, stories, quirks, skills and things you can learn and then you simply ask them about themselves in a genuine manner and show interest as if ur about to learn something new, interesting and useful, people will talk your ears off about themselves and their lives. Then just relate to them with a few things they’ve said but keep it at a minimum and don’t talk too much about yourself. Keep the focus on them. Be interested. Be understanding. Don’t be judgmental. Try to relate to what they are saying. People will remember that u made them feel interesting and useful and wanted and understood. All the things everyone wants to feel. They won’t like u. They’ll love u. And they won’t forget you especially in this narcissistic age we live in. This rarely doesn’t work in my opinion. Everyone has a story to tell and everyone is looking for someone to tell it to. Our epidemic of loneliness is due to an epidemic of narcissism and self-centeredness. Everyone is too busy caring about themselves to ask how their neighbor is doing and quietly everyone is crying alone in their bedrooms. If you become that person who genuinely wants to learn about someone, they will think very highly of you and it will take the focus off yourself, which will help with depression. Just my thoughts hope ur doing better these days
@@Kteeee defo need to take the focus off myself waaay moreee just one MAJORE problemo is that i need frnds and people to talk too!! Im trying bumble BFF, wink and whatever else i must overcome it all or ill DIE a thousand deaths every week. I do consider myself to be a keen listener but with my loneliness since the pandemicos! I really need to be able to express my probelms with myself but getting to know someone and laughing with them is my big goal so simple, many take this for granted IM SURE😢
The fourth point about being real reminds me of some childhood wisdom the late Mister Rogers taught: “You've made this day a special day, by just your being you. There's no person in the whole world like you, and I like you just the way you are.”
POP DATA, you do have a very good point & Sometimes we should work on liking ourselves 1st & many seem to judge us if we don't wish to or for whatevr reasons,cannot put ourselves out there for the liking.& thanks for seeing this 1 other important side.God wants us to like ourselves 1st,& then others,Aftr we hold him the Highest King..
Very useful information and I can honestly say that I have made the mistake of thinking my proficiency as a dependable, skilled worker would soar me to new heights and make me totally likeable in my profession. Not so.. you have to mingle, schmooze, laugh, relate, smile and relax around people you work with while at the SAME time, keep yourself securely insulated from those who have no intention of returning the like/love.. and with time, it becomes effortless I'm sure.
2:05 use signalling, be direct and don't hide your feelings . 4:43 if you like more people, more people will like you . 5:43 we like people who are like us so highlight your similarities . 8:07 be real/yourself
Amazing person. Whole time she smiled and she sounded so sincere towards helping everyone. Each tip makes sense and she made it so simple to understand. 👏🏻great work
The likability loop!!! OMG YESSSS. People do this so often, I have done it in the past, and no one knows how anyone feels. Hahaha... that part made me laugh because it's so true. Now I've gotten in the habit of doing just as you suggest and I immediately tell people straight out "hey I really like you!" and I give genuine and unique compliments as often as I can like "Hey, you're really creative in your solutions in a way that makes me really giddy. I like that and you!" FIRST BUMP. I noticed that as I grow older... for some reason I have moved from high fiving people to fist bumping. I've noticed that people get more excited about fist bumps. What do you think?
I could be the minority here, but I personally like fist bumps over high five. It feels more friendly as if that person is your close friends. On the plus side, you catch less germ from fist bumps over high five, but that's not what I'm going for. Lol
Sometimes this isn’t true. If you like people too much they think you are easy or low value and then they disrespect you and take you for granted. But if you’re a bit aloof and hard to get then people actually respect you and want to earn your ‘like’. Human beings are insane.
I have extreme social phobia and an anxiety disorder, just trying to show people I like them (just friendship-wise) drains me and freaks me out to the point where I just want to run to a bathroom and throw up. This video helps people who are able to express confidence I feel, but I can still appreciate the tips.
The second point is so relatable. I often find myself liking most people I meet, and I seem to get along with a lot of people I meet. This does not however translate into sustained friendships, I guess that effort is more...effortful
Some people want to just be left alone. Be careful who you talk to. Look for social cues. Like if they aren't directly looking at you they don't want to talk to you. They are just being polite.
I've learned a lot about talkers to recognize someone who has low self-esteem. It's one thing to have an open conversation that includes everyone and something else when someone talks primarily about one's self. Those who talk about themselves all the time lack confidence--I stay away from them.
Seriously though, I don't let some people know I like them, because I don't want to talk to them.. I like some of my neighbors fine, I just don't want to have conversations with them...
Some of these tips are good to keep in mind especially when working in a job environment which can potentially help an employee find success. Awesome video and keep up the good work.
This is why a lot of shows don’t make sense, being likable usually makes you more popular, but on tv, people who are rude and mean somehow become the popular kid. That’s also a reason why a lot of people are jealous of the “popular” person. Because of how liked they are by everyone.
This is why smokers get along when confined to the smokers area. i've had some great conversations with total strangers who would probably not chat with you in other circumstances.
Smokers are disgusting human beings always throwing their cigarette buts out of the car. It's the number trash item in the entire world! Just disgraceful 😞. The world isn't your fucking ashtray.
In summary Dear Vanessa, I really enjoy watching you and like so much because of many many things and values you represent but most of all is because "YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON INSIDE & OUT" and I mean it with capital letters. Thank You so much for your Generosity, Honesty and much more qualities... GOD BLESS YOU FOREVER....!!!
I'm in love with you Vanessa 😁 ..... and NOT because of your stunning good looks , but because of your work to make the World a better place😘Thank you for what you do !🤗
I think it's a bad idea to get just anyone to like you, you'll become a people pleaser all your life, Just like yourself for who you are and the right ones will follow
These were great. Ive started a new class after a long period of being out of school and interacting with other humans was beginning to feel like a game of chess. Ill be using some of these tips to help people see past my resting bitch face and make some new connections :) Thanks Vanessa. By the way, your smile plus the red lippy is doing everything for me. Beautiful.
4:40 I'm so glad my (future wife) was so direct with me when we met back in grad school, lol. Ever since, we've been going good. Been happily married for over 35 years!
Good video and I’ll take the nuggets of wisdom from this, not a but moment yet however all that you mentioned about hiding one’s likes of others or even attraction for other people is the stuff of drama particularly “subtext”. Very few people are on the nose or straightforward and/ or authentic. As a writer who wants to be better when comes to people hiding the truth from others (or even one’s self) I want to become a master of “subtext” be psychological and/ or dramatic. Fantastic video Vanessa 🙏🏾
When you talk about the popular kids in school, it wasn’t like that when I went to high school, you were likeable if your parents were rich or anything to do with material things, you could be crazy pretty but if you weren’t rich, then forget it
People think I’m weird when I’m too nice . They look at me like I am Martian from outer space. I’ve gotten burned so many times that now I seem stand off ish. All I know is Jesus SAID TREAT OTHERS THE WAY You WANT TO BE TRATED . I will continue to do this. I did these that what she said was true I did enjoy making friends when I was younger. Kids are more genuine than adults .
Be direct tell them you like them If you like more people more people will like you We like people who look and are like us Look and comment on similarities Be real ppl like sincerity transparant capacity for understanding Ppl will reciprocate
Cilantro tastes exactly like soap! I’ve only heard a couple of people say this. But, in cilantro’s defense, it doesn’t come up in my conversation unless I’m in a Mexican restaurant. Great video!
1. Use signaling - i like you. 2. If you like more people. More people will like you. 3. Similarity attraction effect 4. Hightlight Similarities- Hunt for same likes 5. Be the Real Deal- Sincerity, transparency and capacity for understanding. Like you. Love you. Working on yourself. You're awesome.
I've followed up on the "looking at me" signal. Result....I've been laughed at, told to go away, had mean things said to me, ignored, and other rejections most times I followed this signal. A couple times I've even had hurtful rumors started about me. This is terribly confusing and I stopped trusting that this was even a signal. I'm very confused.
I’m so afraid I’m being a sociopath.. I’ve learned I am not from tests and social ques. But I’m my childhood had taught me that I have to act a certain way that won’t cause conflict unless I feel that I can win. It’s intelligent but is it natural. I’m likable I believe, but am I manipulating? Or am I being real without shifting things to my advantage so if things go south I have the upper hand... i don’t manipulate people, but certain situations I feel that I do. Not anymore but years ago it’s who I was. When me and 6 Indians went on a journey.. you know how many Indians came back? 7. Me. Can anyone relate or am I right and working on fixing my traumatic past. All love thanks.
Some people even if you are nice to them . They are means and but people . We don’t have to begin for attention or care of love for people that doesn’t care about us.
Nice video but would have to disagree based in my experience. Especially in corporate world, likeability is driven by who is the power player and who yields the highest influence etc. It is not sincere but a fact of life. Again this is my opinion based on my observations
