If you are a person who doesn’t want sex or is very disinterested in things involving touch, you SHOULDN’T get married to someone who DOES. It’s the most selfish thing a person can do to someone they claim to love. You in essence FORCE that person into celibacy, when they could be with someone else who would embrace them wholly.
I learned this way too late in life. My ex of many years has a high drive mine is low. I tried to please him and felt incredibly drained and even abused.
I love this podcast and discussion. I am older than either one of you and married to the same person for a lot of years. So, many of the things you talked about hit home and we have experienced. As a couple that went without intercourse for several years but still had lots of cuddles, snuggles, and loving moments, I can tell you how important communication is. Neither one of us is a good communicator when it comes to sex and when we both went through life changes it led to a lack of understanding of what each other was going through and consequently no sex for a long time. When we finally had a discussion and worked out our differences, we started having intercourse again and I no longer use porn to get off. I like your differentiation between kinks and fetishes. I am more into kinks than she is and, I am respectful of her boundaries. Orgasm is not our focus. If they happen great but, if not, no big deal. We focus on the pleasure and sensations. Because of that, we have much better sex. Less pressure. I think raising kids these days would be tough, not only about sex but so many other things going on in this world. Not that I need one but, I’d be scared to death to talk to a therapist. Well, Done!!
Dr Gordon speaks very much from a women's perspective. Sex is more about feelings(?) Really not for a man. Married for 50 years and I can unequivocally say is that I want and need the sex far more than my wife. All men I know and talk to about "getting laid" are totally different form the women. Men are absolutely more wired to want sex than a woman. The feelings discussions just gives the female MORE POWER in the relationship. That is all what Gordon is trying to do.
Come back and try again later! Also don't take those mid night, automatic sex sessions (where you wake up somehow to have quick sex with your spouse) for granted in your 30s. They rarely occur once you are over 40.
Sex should not be a reward for good behavior from women. That would never be tolerated if the sex roles were reversed, and it is extremely unhealthy for longterm relationships. If someone you're with doesnt want it and doesnt want to do anything reasonable to make the situation better, consider leaving them. Especially if they dont want you engaging in any kind of orgasmic activity and want to control your sexuality. That is toxic and abusive behavior.
I always found it's important to gauge these things out before things get too serious. Be as open as possible about *everything* each person is looking to get out of the arrangement. Because two people in a relationship with two completely different sex drives tends to lead to nothing good. Oftentimes infidelity obviously. Then there's also gaslighting and emotional abuse that tend to come with these things as well.
@lif6737 Men, please disregard this drivel. It is this sort of "feeling" that has made modern women the way they are. In the words of Michael Jordan, "STOP IT!"
@lif6737same situation is happening with me. 20 years of marriage and one day some menapause depression flipped her 180 from the aggressor for 16+/- years to avoidant then had no answers as to why and my imagination isn’t supposed to go down dark rabbit holes. I suggested maybe you need HRT to help the menapause depression stuff. So goes to the dr and gets estrogen ro get some of her hormones back in their rightful places then the fudge on the brownie is she was giving script for PAXIL!!! (SSRI). The biggest libido killing drugs. So everything basically cancels each other out. And I’m basically right back where I started. There’s intimacy it’s just like once a week compared to a few times weekly and that’s an adjustment that was wasn’t prepared for anyway. Menopause is a marriage killer beware and be patient to a degree within reason. But apparently I’m crazy
Unless there is a physical/medical issue and there is no desire from your partner, the relationship is over as it means no attraction or respect is remaining.
If there is a medical reason, then don't initiate. If she has suffered a RECENT emotional trauma, then don't initiate. That is part of the "for better or for worse" part of the relationship.
And when others (like kids) will have their futures destroyed by you leaving and your partner knows that, you are then stuck unable to leave and unable to ever enjoy life ever again.......its shit way to have to live just one day at a time.
@@Rif_Leman leaving will result in her using the kids as a weapon to both vent anger at being left and to prove a point.....that combined with the poverty that leaving would cause will destroy any hope of a future for them, law pretty much prevents any chance of getting custody....even if custody was gained wouldn't be able to work as childcare cost would mean its unaffordable, and putting kids in daycare to work would be seen by the courts as a father prioritizing working over looking after the kids he gained custody of ( i know thats different to in the 'states but its how its seen here).
Its an impossible situation to win. If you have to "TALK " to your girl about srx, or the lack of it, its over. Its to late already. And while you think talking about the problem is good, it isnt. Its only going to backfire on you, and make it even more awkward and frustrating. Just know that yhe relationship is doomed if you feel like you might want to address a lack of sex problem in a relationship.
I wouldn't exactly call it toxic masculinity when referring to guys snd sex toys. Most guys don't and have never needed sex toys to pleasure themselves as opposed to women who were probably introduced to them at younger ages. So naturally there would be a bit more of a disconnect between most guys and sex toys.
Wow. Some of you guys are making it sound like you only have a woman in your life for the sole purpose of providing sexual relief. If things aren't going the way you want, try talking to your partner. Ask questions without being judgy or accusatory. Try opening up your brain?
If married you're obligated! If you don't take care of you're responsibility then you leave it open for someone else to step in to please your partner. With too many rejections. So just like the doctor said I don't like paying the bills but I will. So just do it and stop making up reasons to feel bad !
No one is obliged to have sex. However, it is also wrong to make no effort to satisfy the person your with. Its even worse if you wont satisfy them and punish them for trying to get off by themselves, as several women proudly proclaim they do.
@@AttunedFluxI'll turn that around a bit. I'll speak to marriage specifically from a "moral" perspective. Assuming monogamy, there is an absolute obligation for the spouses to satisfy each other. Consider the corollary that, again assuming monogamy, sex outside that marriage is wrong. That said, there is no way to enforce that obligation. I can't control my refusing wife; I can only control me. Then, my options are: 1) step out 2) divorce
@@AttunedFluxIf you are married and monogamy is the agreement between you then you are defrauding your spouse by withholding. If they divorce you, you should get nothing because you broke the contract.
Hmmm, this subject has been done in circles where men talk and I think older men give better advice. Women lose interest over time, just as men lose interest, due to lack of novelty. Also, both men and women let themselves go, get fat when married. If the man puts a ring on a womans finger, she no longer needs to work on keeping him, due to being fearful of some other promiscuous woman giving him sex and losing her man to her. If a man wants his woman to want him, he needs to keep himself in shape, keep his waist trim, get wide shoulders, go out with his woman and demonstrate that other women want him. I'm not saying he needs to bed other women for his wife to still want him, I'm saying he needs to demonstrate other women want him. That's something that's best if it's done without direct intent.
Finally a comment that gets it. Oftentimes, it is the men's fault whether we like or not. You hit the bullseye, when she sees other women don't want you, she will lose interest and don't want you either. And we need to look ourselves in the mirror why that is so.
1:30.19 MINUTES !!😯😳😨😥😭😱 NOT ALL OF US HAVE THIS AMOUNT OF TIME TO WATCH ! YOU GOTTA START MAKING THESE VIDEOS APPROX 30 MINS OR IN SEPARATE PARTS - IM SURE ITS A GREAT TOPIC, BUT I DONT HAVE THE TIME, SOOO ILL NOT WATCH IT !!😢😥😭
Men, if your wife or committed woman refuses you, get up and LEAVE. Let her know that you will return when she decides to be your wife/woman again. She expects you to keep all of your relationship obligations full time, you must insist that she keeps hers as well. Keep in mind that it takes more effort on her part to go raid the refrigerator than it does to satisfy your needs. If she has such a low regard for you that she will not expend that little effort to satisfy your needs, you don't have a wife/woman. You have a room mate with a large financial liability. Refusing you is ALWAYS a power play. Don't concede that power to her. If she has such low regard for you, then it will get much worse if you concede. And if you do, you will deserve every bad thing that she does to you. Being a man is tough. Being a doormat is even tougher.
I am a big fan! A question for Dr. Malik. The new buzz is that now Botox can be injected into the penis which in turn increases blood flow and makes erections easier to obtain. What is your take on this?
My Asian wife 23 yrz likes dawn breaker every morning...me 87 yrz , fit as, lift weights, run 50 km every week. She very very happy....not hit me wid wok yet.....erick
Most of what she is saying is predicated on the concept that women can convey their desires thoughts feelings and wants effectively and assertively most women can she even mentioned oh I want Italian I want Chinese you don't even know what you want for dinner
Guys - the hold out works both ways. Don't ever look thirsty. You've tried 3x and she says no...STOP trying. Treat her like a roommate. Always be respectful, fun and kind...but never bring it up or ask again. 1. she will think and accuse you of having an affair 2. You will co-exist (if you are both tolerant of each other) 3. If #2 occurs...the world is your oyster At this point you've taken back your life and can point the compass the direction you wish to point it .
Sorry...I got bored listening to each of them listening to each other...I must've missed it, but I wanted to hear their deffinitions of the difference between Kink and Fetish...oh well.
Intercourse and sexual behavior. Are two different things intercourse by definition can only be between the opposites....there's no such a thing as anal organic that's scientifically irresponsible.
I enjoy Rina as she seems to just "get it" from a mans point of view. Her guest here not so much - seems like shes a sex expert whose speciality is shutting down sex?
1. Things can be done to get the person in the mood 2. therapy or better communication could help. 3. self-pleasure could be an option, but some women have a huge problem with men controlling their own sexuality, so this sometimes causes more division.
where are Nike NBC and the other sponsors, they will lose business with this decision. America loves 🥰 Catlin Clark and we demand she be part of the Olympic team 🇺🇸 1776
For Christians: No Porn allowed! This is Law: “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.” (Matthew 5:27-30, KJV)
IF SHE DOESNT WANT IT SHE DOESNT WANT IT. THERE CAN ABSOLUTELY BE NO FORCE OF ANY SORT, INCLUDING MENTAL PRESSURE. & IF THE GUY STILL WANTS IT BADLY, HE SHOULD SIMPLY DIY...SELF-HELP IS THE BEST HELP THEN.
