How To Have A HEALTHY Marriage Relationship | The Happy Wife School Show Ep.10 

Video Timestamps: 0:00 Welcome 2:06 Topic Introduction 7:55 The Psychology of Relationships 12:02 A Good Man's Internal State 14:45 A Woman's Internal State 19:17 The Solution for Women 30:33 The Solution for Men 39:24 Wrapping Up 44:19 Questions and Comments

Its like she flipped a switch 2 months after we got married. Such a crushing life. No love, no affection, no friendship. I'm just an ATM.

My wife quite literally blamed me for not hearing her call my name. She had laid down in an Epsom Salt bath due to a shoulder injury, only to discover she was unable to rise back to her feet due to that very same injury. So she called my name numerous times, as well as our daughter's name..... But we were both no where near where she was in the house and simply couldn't hear her (well, at least me... our daughter was close enough, but had earbuds in listening to music while doing her homework.). When I did finally catch her calling, I stepped into the bathroom and immediately got hit with the following, "Did you not hear me?" in a very angry and upset tone. This sort of question is not genuine at all... it is not an honest question seeking a sincere answer (by the way, asking me rhetorical questions is one of her prime ways of insulting me). Of course I heard her or i wouldn't have been in there. This sort of question amounts to registering a complaint at best and a veiled accusation at worst - "Why weren't you here when I needed you? Hmmm? You have failed me again!" I didn't respond at all other than to get in a wet tub in my stocking feet and lift her up to stand. I asked if she was ok and then i left.... but I knew this was not over. I have come to realize just how emotionally abusive the woman I married can be. And I have also realized she is going to treat me in terrible ways ... if I let her. It is in her nature as a clueless abusive person. So I prepared myself for the inevitable confrontation where she would try to belittle me and make me feel like a complete failure and bad husband. She got dressed and when she came into the living room where I was reading a book, the conversation started with the expected veiled accusation... Her: "Did you guys not hear me?" said in a very stern tone. Me, looking her dead in the eyes: "Do you think we were ignoring you? Is that what you think?" Her, after a brief pause but staring right back at me: "I feel miserable, you know that." Notice how she didn't really answer my question. This statement, if I were to just simply agree (Yes honey, I know you are in a lot of pain) could be easily used to press the "You failed me" argument . The implication being that if I knew how bad she was feeling, a good man would have been prepared and available, no matter what, which is of course BS. I can't help a problem that I really had no idea was a problem. How could I know she'd be unable to get up when it surprised even her?!? She didn't even know it until it happened! Otherwise, she wouldn't have laid down in that tub. So how was I supposed to know? And yet here she was, implying that I somehow failed her in not hovering outside that bathroom, waiting like a slave for her to call me! I stared right back at her I said firmly, "Well I'm sorry about that, but DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON ME." We continued to hold eye contact. I wasn't going to break it until she did. She looked away and walked to the couch and I went right back to the book I was reading. About a minute later she said my name and when I looked at her, she said, "I felt humiliated laying in there like that." Her tone had softened and she was expressing real sadness, but this was also a way to deflect the behavior she had just tried to engage in. I replied with real understanding but firm correction at the same time, "I can understand feeling humiliated by that... but what i don't understand is trying to humiliate me over it. I was there helping the minute I knew there was a problem. If i had truly known five seconds sooner, you would have been standing up in that tub five seconds sooner. But yet I'm not feeling any gratitude in helping you, just disappointment. That makes no sense to me." Then i went right back to reading my book. My kids sat there in stunned silence. They are not used to this kind of conversation between us. For 25 straight years I have put up with emotional abuse... but I have reached the end of that. I will never let her treat me like that again. My correction worked. Ten minutes later she was in the kitchen apologizing and thanking me for helping her. I have come to realize that my wife is simply clueless as to the level of her emotional abuse of me. The above incident is truly minor and i am not saying this is real abusive behavior... but it was an attempt to become abusive. If i had not set the record straight, if I had done like I had done so many times in the past (apologized for failing to hear her, and thus reinforcing her awful behavior) it would have been used against me and I know she would have treated me the rest of the night with cold contempt.

My wife is definetly in the "Or not" category. She cant see herself. My relationship with my kids and friends is great. She is the only person i have an awful relationship with.

Let’s get this wise woman to 15K subscribers 😊

I’m still young and married for the past 7 years, w 3 kids and I’m enjoying a lot your videos!!! Growing up around a bitter mom who hate my dad definitely influenced me to not be a great wife, also surrounded by feminist propaganda… I now can see that I made mistakes and I regret acting like that. Now your videos are opening my eyes and offering me amazing wisdom! Every evening after putting the kids to bed I come here to learn more instead of nagging about something from the day 🙊😂 Two days after me being more conscious of myself my husband has been the sweetest man (or he is probably always like that but I was blind?!) but not only that, it makes me respect and love him even more and in return he does the same! ❤🎉 thank you for your wonderful work!

My wife is currently leaving me bc of this stuff. Bc after years of taking it from her God taught me who she is. He brought me to every resource required to teach me what I'm dealing with. Your videos have confirmed so many things I knew to be true. Please pray for me that she is not allowed to take my children. Please pray she is not rewarded for destroying a good marriage and family.

Karen... YOU should be awarded the supreme commander of psychiatry diploma AND the doctorate most worthy Admiral of Marital Counselors... EVERYTHING you say is so true, eye-opening, yet basic, it’s mind blowing. When you think it through (all your statements and theories and camps) they ALL MAKE SENSE..!!! And it’s so OBVIOUS... like why didn’t I think of that...and the fact that nobody else teaches this, and in such a wonderful, gentle way is a shame... You need to start a school for your own program, so others can teach what you teach to THE WORLD...!!! You’re in my prayers... may God Bless you and yours ❤️🙏👍

“Our marriage is a reflection of our internal emotional state with ourselves” she said it all

I am flabbergasted to be hearing this from a woman. Thank you Karyn. You speak the truth. But you have broken "the code". I half expect to have this channel taken down, LOL. I scroll down and reading the comments makes me sad. So much suffering and loneliness for so long. It's too late for most of us but maybe our sons (and daughters) can be enlightened. Maybe mothers will begin to see these things happening to their sons and become enlightened. Probably a pipe dream....

women - "I experience a lot of emotions so that must make me an expert on them." I've had a lot of colds but I've yet to discover the cure.

Even in Christianity the focus is on each couple working on the relationship and meeting each others needs.

Single mothers are ill equipped to teach boys to develop emotional intelligence due to their nurturing nature. Their role is to nurture. The father disciplines and rather aggressively so depending on what is needed to get the point across

When someone speaks so much truth then it must be from God.

Dear lord! How come that no one knew this 30 years ago? Listening to you gives me goose bumps! Almost crying occasionally.. very bumpy marriage for over 30 years. Was reading a lot how to fix it, nothing come as a workable, she would refuse to listen to anything. You are my last Hope. Sending to her this video. If she tries to understand… Will see. Thank you!

I love the statement regarding emotional intelligence (eq). I came to the conclusion some time ago that women had far less eq than most men

I don’t agree with everything you say. However, I’m going through a divorce. I’ve been doing everything I can to turn my wife around. Not much success. This is the first time I feel like I can have a happy, healthy marriage with somebody, even if it’s not my wife, thank you so much for this video.

Awesome show today. I put your live show on the family room Tv. So my wife would hear it. She got alittle triggered i find it very interesting you are saying things i have told my wife of 20 years now. She got mad said what is it always my faulf. She blàmes everyone around her for her unhappineas she than went back to things that happened years ago to try and tell me thats why she isnt happy. Self reflection is my wifes kryptonite. I learned this about her years ago and i dont let it bother me. Some how this bugs her too . I have been sharing your videos with family thank you very much Mike Ps please keep videos coming!

Clear thinking well said. Two thumbs up.

Do people really understand what " ... for better or for worse ... " is supposed to mean ? Personally, I've never had a closer friend. Sticking together through absolutely everything, is the very best indicator that two people love one another, more than anything.

I'm still trying to date for the purpose of marriage despite all these horrible statistics I see over and over again. I feel like Tom from Tom & Jerry when he gets depressed in one episode and walks out onto the train tracks blind folded, lights up a ciggy and waits.

How about “Happy me, happy we” and “Happy Spouse, happy House”, not “Happy Wife, happy Life”

equality means managing your own emotions. if women want men to be responsible for their emotions then that's unequal, and in exchange must submit to his authority entirely - as an obedient child. both are effective strategies and all you have to do is decide which you prefer.

23yrs of feeling completely broken, a few more years and the kids will all be grown

💎 💎 💎 from beginning to end. God bless your heart and the women who listen and apply this wisdom. 🙌🏼

another thing that I heard on another video is that the modern woman despises the guy that commits to them. It seems that she doesn't see herself worthy so it lowers his worth. (I'm paraphrasing cause I was listening but not hearing)

Thank you for mentioning _integration,_ and pointing at the distinction.

Exactly, I can slay dragons all day at work... then, as I head home, I feel the anticipated dread. Yes, the heaviness and darkness is like a dread coming over me before I walk into my home. Never knowing what to expect on the other side of that door.. and, honestly, it's almost always negative. I did something wrong.. who knows what. But, I am treated like the dog who soiled on the rug. EVERY TIME it seems.

Standing there with my brother the other day, he's talking on the phone to a young lady,you could just hear it in her voice, all vulnerable and obvious. Never in my life a woman talked like that to me, not even my wife of 40 years. Doesn't seem real, they do talk that way. Stunning sense of loss.Were that attitude directed at me I would melt.

It has never occured to me to attempt to (control and) change another. But for women it is normal/common behaviour?

Sadly, most women today are not willing or capable of listening to the advice put forward on this channel. There is simply too much depravaty and entitlement being pushed in our society for women to “pursue” whatever makes them “happy”. There’s simply no incentive to empathize with their husband. No, he’s the oppressor and she is always the victim. For those women who can take the advice here then I can only say that their husbands are very lucky. For the rest of those good men out there who are single, there is very little reason to enter into a contractual agreement where the wife will more than likely break the agreement for whatever reason she comes up with.

ONLY SELF is accountable for the emotions SELF feels. INTERNALLY NOT EXTERNALLY. If SELF does not put any or little time in learning (_______) then SELF is completely Ignorant about (_______). Because we all are born Ignorant and we must learn everything we need to know. What do you spend your free time doing. Use the internet for education before entertainment. SELF will earn everything that happens to SELF by what SELF does. °INFJ°

Karyn, I appreciate the content and your intentions, but I'm a man. Looking through comments, I'll estimate 95%+ of your viewers are men. So I expect this channel will help some men in some ways, but very few women, because the women who most need the help are not looking for it. Darn shame.

So I felt a little defensive for the first few videos. This one changed my mind and my entire viewpoint. You’re right 100%. Thanks 🙏🏾

Men like women have feelings and all of the emotions too. However, properly taught males (by a father) learn discipline..self control… or the high end of emotional intelligence. Why?? Well Fathers are aware that due to the aggressive nature and

A prime example of “low emotional intelligence” is having a wife that scoffs at and refuses to watch your videos even after requesting that she watches them with an “open mind”! The crux of this ISSUE is that society deems woman “equal”, which is so far from the truth. I’m in self preservation mode now, i refuse to give away my PEACE any longer. Tired of being a doormat

I was really surprised when i heard you use the phrase "bad and wrong". My wife has used this exact phrase over and over throughout our marriage. Another phrase she likes to use is "you just want to prove your point," as if she doesn't care whatsoever about reality. 6 years of dating and 15 or so of marriage were basically fine. Then a switch was flipped because of a couple of events and everything started going downhill.

I didn't suggest you go back. I wouldn't go back to my ex. I hope you find a better love. All the best.

I had an elderly lady once tell me, Let a man lead and a woman will have a great life

THANK YOU!

Great CONTENT It's About Balance and Fairness and that Means Fair Fighting and Listening to Eachother and Repairing your Relationship before you don't have one the Grass is not always Greener elsewhere and Honestly ,there's not Enough Tolerance for couples. Example you Go to Work you don't like everything or Agree with certain tasks but you Do them and you Don't Quit, Hmmm very interesting and you are Not even Married to the Job but, you do exactly what they Ask or More 💯🎤

My wife always seemed to live a life of emotional desperation & fear when it came to our marriage. It makes sense to me now. It was her own emotional state that was causing this. Whenever she felt any kind of personal insecurity she would instantly project it onto our marriage (that is, mostly me as the husband). If I could go back and do it over I wouldn't allow her to control the marriage with her emotional chaos.

Thank you very much for your insights into the relationship between husband and wife. I would like my wife to just say thank you occasionally and maybe give me a kiss on the cheek or say I love you. I prayed to the GREAT GOD of heaven and earth to please take my desire for sex away and to make me totally impotent so I wouldn’t be a burden to my wife. I have worked extremely hard to try to make her happy and have failed miserably!! She continues to tell me I’m a failure to the point I have had a nervous breakdown. We have been married 32 years. I wish I had never been married and just had good female friends instead!!! Kindest regards, Glynn

Exactly. All relationships are 100% each person's responsibility. It's just like a crime. No person who conspires to commit a crime is only fractionally responsible. Just imagine if that were true.

You know I have suffered a lot in my relationship and am still going through it I just can’t lose my kids and I know I will.

GOD BLESS YOU

i wish I could go fore a walk and listen to this - 😊

Females I’ve seen are taught to be Self Expressive.. in contrast. Which is merely the first step towards emotional intelligence, unfortunately !! By their mothers and the father is strictly forbidden to interfere by Mom.

NPD and BPD are personality disorders that according to modern psychology are either incurable, or at minimum would take decades of therapy to fix. What you are describing is so toxic that I can't distinguish the difference between these disorders and what you are characterizing as normal female behavior. Independent of your videos, I long ago determined that I am not the problem. It took a while because how you describe most men is accurate. That being said, how is a good man supposed to determine if his wife is even saveable? I have no desire to endure much more of this.

The very first thing for a man to do revolves around his response to a bad wife……

Interesting! Emotional intelligence!

That will happen

Many wife don't want to be open minded...

Here is a harsh reality I must point out. From the Bible. Eve could not be happy in the garden of Eden.🤷🏻‍♂️ the most perfect situations still wasn't happy🤷🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️

"You control your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength." --Marcus Aurelius “There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” -Epictetus "To bear trials with a calm mind robs misfortune of its strength and burden." --Seneca

Sometimes we do know...we should know...but we wont know everything and that's the issue...women think we should know everything that's wrong with them because we are wired to figure things out...but cut us some slack we still human

I'm glad you clarified your message because a lot of people will try to put a square peg into a round hole. I wonder when you talk about the switch women have that they use to turn on and off with sex comes from a loss of oxytocin. Do you believe that?

Is your program for long term (~10 yrs) sexless marriages or does that fall into the abusive relationships your videos are not addressing? I have tried several years of marriage counseling helped my wife address her past childhood trauma but now she claims she is asexual and always has been and she no longer wants to help repair our marriage.

Great show today K😊 Did your husband get the truck 🛻 🤷🏽‍♂️

Everything is a competition and if im angry its a fault of my own, not because she did something ,didn't do something or say something . Before the arguments Everything is calm. The arguments are based upon an attitude that's already there. Insecurity is a bad bad thing for men. Men don't need Insecurities from a woman to be burdened with. We care but we aren't women. We are who you married in the beginning unless you change that

You make me mad. Well you drive me crazy. You're a typical nag. Well you're just lazy. Immaturity is the problem. Both refuse to accept responsibility for their part. Both are defensive, blaming the other. If one does give in and accepts responsibility for his part, she will claim victory and continue to blame him. If only she refuses to accept any responsibility, then this is where growth is needed. A mature, experienced woman can help her see inside herself. After two marriages, I prefer living alone.

My pastor who used to be the sr pastor of the fourth biggest southern baptist church in Texas has taught me that evangelical women are hard wired to emasculate their men. He uses the term “the Baptist woman and their husbands”.He (dr randy white, first Baptist Church Taos NM) is no longer a SB but let the name on the sign still say baptist. He’s the first and only preacher I have ever heard that actually knows his bible which ended up getting him fired for the big league. If I didn’t know better I would think this woman believes her bible the same way that he does. I don’t know how far she and her husband are from his church but I have a feeling they would enjoy a vacation and visit to his tiny truth teaching church.

There is an inherent hypocrisy to it. One standard for them and another for us. If she raises her voice she’s passionate if we do we’re being a bully or abusive. I used to listen to a band Collective Soul. They did a song called “Blame” and it’s a good listen and you can hear and read the lyrics and say “Wow, that’s all it would take sometimes!”

Emotional intelligence is most often defined as: the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage and handle emotions. If men didnt have emotional intelligence like women want to claim we dont, all this shit you see would be in debris. We have to have emotional intelligence to get the job done so if we didn't all of us would be dead.

👍

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I hope God gives this couple a special place in heaven because they are hitting the nail on the head. I wish they had a website that vetted who they let go on it. What the hell happened to marriage that its so difficult. The woman are messed up if they are so called little c Christian by people like Joyce Meyer and Beth Moore and the men are clueless just trying to make their wives happy enough to get one more piece of tail. So so screwed up. God bless this website

My wife takes equal share if the blame for our sexless angry bitter marriage. LOL just kidding. Its 100% my fault ALWAYS.😂😢

Just like you don’t blame an orange for what is squeezed out of a lemon you are not to blame for how another is treating you and no one but you are to blame for how you treat another person.

So now I know how broken, abused, and lost I am. Huh

Reading through the comments I get awful flashbacks of past relationships and the feeling of being eaten alive dream by dream. I can only recommend absolute rigor and zero tolerance with toxic femininity! Even if it means for the individual man to live alone, it's about reminding women as a whole that there are limits in this world. It will always remain a historical fact that in the 20th and 21st century A.D., women in the West tried to wage war against their men. Basically, as soon as everything felt safe enough to do so (...thanks to the hard work of men...) Men will not forget this. The only reason for any woman to destroy a man's dreams is to cripple his soul in order to keep him at her side. They wouldn't cut their cat's legs off but they all do that.

Internal locus of control!

Emotionel violently is not EI

👍,

Forgive me for redundancy

Who was your mentor?

I'm curious how you would suggest to approach a situation of role reversal in a marriage? 🤔 Simply, because in today's society that is becoming ever more common place. Blue collar Men end up getting married to white collar women that make four or five times more than they ever could make regardless of how good they are at what they do. Any ideas how to navigate that situation?

I cannot help but notice you speak of working with "good" men, yet, unless I'm mistaken, you fail to apply the same adjective to the women with whom you work?

And the problem being the woman’s fault continues in her dialogue. I totally understand why men love this channel.

Drain me. At this point, I’m just looking for a meaningful way to die.

You keep mention that what you teach the psychology of relationships. Relationship psychology is a very real field so I’d like to ask if you have any training in psychology or are you more of a relationship coach who infuses psych terminology?

If you want to find about emotional intelligence, ask a male manager!

Women react to marriage as if they hit a jackpot. Men react to marriage as if their best friend died. Any questions???

May God bless you

So when you say a low emotional intelligence, what does that mean exactly. I’m asking because the man I know that follows you and told us about you at work would like his wife to learn from your videos; but I can already see that all she’ll hear is that she has low intelligence. Also when you talk about taking control; I know this person will think she’s supposed to be more in control of her husband (which I know that’s not what you mean) I wonder if there’s a good starter video that has more careful word choices directly geared towards these particular women. 🤔

I get addressing the victimhood mentality of a wife, but isn’t the approach just converting it from that into a victimhood mentality in the husband?

That be nice part is 90 percent why we give up as men because no matter what we do the is always pointed at us your the problem

I have never heard such a skewed, biased take on marriage. Most marriages have conflict that stems from the actions and reactions of BOTH people. If you are hear listening to this BS because you love the validation that you are blameless and your wife is the villian, then it is no surprise your marriage ended or is in conflict. BOTH people need to look at themselves. This podcast is actually very destructive if you’re actually searching to heal your relationship. If you just want to feel like a victim, you’re in the right place, men.

The women you are describing sounds like they need Jesus, therapy and their hormones balanced 😳 I’ll get a little emotional about a day or two before my time of the month starts and once I realize that’s what’s going on I can get myself back in order😅

A good counsellor/therapist also talks about the fact that we only have control of ourselves. I love your videos just don't agree with this point. Not all psychologists/therapists is bad or miss this helpful point. Also, I NEED Christ and those around me : who He sends as help. . If that makes me a victim , the. I boast of being the Almight's slave.

When men want to solve their wives' problems, just to avoid an argument, this is a sign of weakness. The wife is then annoyed that she is married to a weakling and has a good reason to blame her husband for her frustration.

Me: oooh whats this Happy Wife School? Maybe I finally found the channel with sensible women viewers. Checks comments: 90% dudes who have been burned by women that will never watch this channel, aka the people that need the message most

We all know what you're going to say, so STOP all of that until the laws are changed. Change the Laws. You just want to talk about yourself and teach.

Of course good women won’t be in the comment section because we have been told by our husbands and now this person that it’s all our faults and we are too emotional. Since women are all the problem and good men are highly exalted, I have a solution. Men Marry A Man. Problem solved.

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is typically assessed using a set of traits and abilities that help individuals recognize, understand, manage, and use their own emotions effectively while also being sensitive to the emotions of others. Here are the key traits and abilities often used in measuring Emotional Quotient (EQ) in bullet point format: **Self-Awareness**: - Self-Reflection: The ability to understand one's own emotions, strengths, and weaknesses. - Self-Perception: Recognizing and accurately assessing one's own emotions and their impact. **Self-Regulation**: - Impulse Control: Managing and redirecting impulsive reactions and behaviors. - Stress Management: Handling and coping with stress, pressure, and challenging situations. - Adaptability: The ability to adjust to changing circumstances and remain flexible. **Motivation**: - Intrinsic Motivation: A strong inner drive and commitment to achieving personal and professional goals. - Goal Setting: Setting and working towards meaningful objectives with enthusiasm. - Optimism: Maintaining a positive outlook and belief in the possibility of success. **Empathy**: - Emotional Recognition: The ability to accurately perceive and understand the emotions of others. - Perspective-Taking: Stepping into the shoes of others and seeing things from their viewpoint. - Compassion: Responding with care, kindness, and support to the emotions and needs of others. **Social Skills**: - Effective Communication: Being able to convey emotions and information clearly and empathetically. - Conflict Resolution: Skillfully managing and resolving conflicts in a positive manner. - Relationship Building: Forming and maintaining healthy, positive relationships with others. - Teamwork: Collaborating with others and working effectively in group settings. These traits and abilities collectively make up an individual's Emotional Quotient, reflecting their capacity to navigate social and emotional situations with understanding, empathy, and skill. Developing and honing these traits can lead to improved interpersonal relationships, enhanced communication, and better overall emotional well-being. As defined by A.I

Women are never not gonna blame men for everything whilst dodging accountability and playing a victim.