How To LET GO, MOVE ON & HEAL From A Toxic Relationship! | Dr. Ramani & Lewis Howes 

Well said ❤

Amen to that.

1 Corinthians 13 speaks of love. If it is not those things, then it is not love.

@@Hawaiiansky11 Go figure, right? That verse is the antithesis to narcissism. Thank you for listing that because ..it's not "our" truth, "my" truth or "your" truth. It's ...Truth.

Words to live by

Absolutely true! But the upside is that there’s a growing awareness and more and more people share their experiences

Gosh, I completely can relate. Once you figure out or discover this information about the whole narcissistic situation, unless this is something one has experienced personally or truly understands this it's something that is very serious, very important, and misunderstood. I am in a very similar situation where I am alone (thank God) by choice but when I search out for help and as long as I have been working on this (decades) professionals or places you seek out say that they are familiar or understand...etc...but within seconds you are able to realize they don't truly "get" it. I want so badly to heal in many ways so I can live but also to share and connect with other survivors and make sure informaton gets to anyone who may need it. Take care and thank you for being a voice!

@@SGregory I hear you. It is very difficult and challenging to heal and recover from narcissistic abuse. We long for help, support and understanding in our journey to help ease the heavy burden. Only a survivor gets it and even their story will be different from ours. Let it be okay that we all have different stories but at the heart of it all, we deeply desire to heal our relationship with ourselves and feel connected and loved by other human beings. But most of all, with ourselves. We are all healing together. Thank you for sharing your voice. You matter and we need you. 😍💝💖

Agree

I agree about the information on how to leave. I was a wreck for 6 months preparing to leave. CONSTANTLY thinking it through until a plan began to emerge. Then, executing the plan in secrecy, which is terrifying. I moved from Florida to the Carolinas, so physically/geographically a long way. My relationship was emotional abuse. Education and bravery are required.

And they will sit there with a smile on their face and watch you suffocate. Definitely run. Walk. Jump. Crawl if you have to.

Very well explained because that's exactly what it feels like.

Lol mine strangled me

@@barb7124 did he physically put his hands on you? I do know they are dangerous

Sometimes they starve you too. Ignore you and make everyone else in the room feel special. Then tell you you’re imagining it.

Absolutely!

Yes! And they start accusing you of all kinds of things!

I just long to heal and I also pray for all my children's healing.

@@margaretalwanda4443 same here.

It's almost like the blindfold came off.. I was surrounded by narcs and flying monkey's most of my life.

💯

this doesn´t only apply to toxic or narcissistic relationships, but even regular relationships where it just doesn´t work out, for whatever reason. Far too many ppl define themselves by being in a relationship, or go straight into another relationship before giving themselves time to process things and figure out what they actually want. It just kinda sucks that society (western society at least) and things like taxes, housing costs etc are still geared towards the idea that 2 ppl should be living together, and the narrative is often still that you´re on the outside of things if you choose to just be single.

@@alanwaterworth6464 Agree. It's very limiting and detrimental to personal growth.

First 5 years in my life I've been single, since being a teenager (I am nearly 42 now!). I am the most calm and collected (and connected to God [a personal victory]) in my life!!! Praise the Lord! Should I ever find an appropriate 'other half', then I will be much better as I am now both for me and for them ..

@@alanwaterworth6464 Yes, this also applies to when a relationship unfortunately ends in death of a partner.

Hey hey dating myself unapologetically something else because I discovered this is the best thing in retrospect of coming out of a toxic marriage looking at my two daughters were the best thing that came out of it even though the trauma of devorce Will not reduce me . Choosing life over death committed to becoming the best version of myself unapologetically.💜

Amen

Me too and I’m fine with it. I have a lot of healing to do .

I think that is perfectly fine and 1 year as mentioned in this video is NOT enough time to be healed. No way in hell would I be ready to jump into another relationship that quickly, even if it was a healthy one!

@@Rose22Dahlia For me 1 year was definitely not enough. It took me 1.5 years not to react to his voice and name the same way I react to the sound and sight of military aircraft flying too low over my house (I'm in Ukraine).

Perfect. !!

Appreciate this!

💗💗

I added this to my 'Notes' in my phone - I have to pull it up from time to time when I start feeling down about my narcissistic sisters.

This lesson was a long time in learning. To this day sometimes I'm in it before I recognize it. Just recently it turned out to be my own brother. I have gone no-contact, but I'm sure eventually he will break it.

True. Thank you.

I am so glad that I found Dr, Ramini. How can I meet you in person? I am informed about the person I have been involved with for about 40 or maybe longer years. I am done with this relationship, but I still hurt. I'm not completely over him but I am making progress.

@@khrystalbowdry9976 Stay strong! The fact that you are no longer in the relationship is the best thing you could have done for yourself.. be very proud of YOURSELF for that because the hold a narcissist can get on you, can be very strong, and not everyone is able to break free. Your strength inspires me. Please take care of "YOU" now... maybe counseling, if that is something you believe in? Whatever it is you got to to do to fix you, is worth it.... because YOU'RE WORTH IT! I pray you stop hurting very soon and send you positive, healing vibes 🙏. Take care.

@@khrystalbowdry9976 Good for you that you’ve taken the 1st step towards healing. Sending prayers that your steps are always moving forward…keep your eyes on the real prize-Peace!

@@khrystalbowdry9976 according to her website she doesnt do personal session but has online course . Good luck and stay strong 💪

wow you are so strong. I wish you luck. Maybe you don;t feel strong but remember this, the scapegoat was always chosen because he was strongest in the herd.

I could not tolerate my covert narc more than 6 months

Wishing you well. ❤

❤❤❤

Bravo I pray you the best 🎉

Right Otilia.

Same here

Yep, 1 yr is crazy! The thought of dating a yr later makes me nauseous. There’s no way to be healed enough in that short of time, in my opinion.

♥️💃🏻♥️♥️🎉🎊

Exactly! My ‘Cut Off’ game is strong !!💪🏾 💪🏾

Thank you so much!

@@lewishowes I, thank you 🧡

Yes he is I want me a man like him😛

Yes totally agree!

Yes gives me hope

Agreed! I agree!

Yes, me too.

Yeah, I always knew that if I really needed my ex for anything, I was sh** out of luck. Being alone is a lot better than being with him!

I've never had a partner that I can rely on, even for minor things. I've become very independent, self-reliant, and used to disappointment. Thanks for the reminder that thoughtful people exist.

Completely understand. I had an emergency ileostomy (it's been reversed and now I'm fine) meaning I had a bag for a while. When I was still in the hospital, the nurse wanted to show me how to change my bag and asked for someone else to watch/observe. I could have had my adult daughter do this, but my boyfriend insisted that he be the one to observe. About two days after being released from the hospital, I asked him what the nurse said about something during her demonstration. His reply was, "Oh I have no idea. I didn't pay attention "

Sooo big an AMEN!! THANK YOU AND BLESS YOU!! 😁

Yes!!!! AMEN INDEED!

....it is not worth your mind

This is so true

Only way to go 🎉🎉🎉

It hard to but it the only way you will heal.

Agree 💯 % I‘m 2 months out, and way better! Thanks to Dr. Ramani and the Crappy Childhood Fairy

@@krivoli86 That's great to hear! Wish you the best.

Get help we all fall for it at times....these personnalities are wolves out for preys... thanks for suggestions to not encourage them😊

Thank you for watching🧡

Hell yeah 🎉

Excellent insight. Important lesson. :)

@@tammyfitzgerald5336 I

yes! 💪🥰

Congratulations! Well done. You inspire me to get out there!

2 and half decades and lost myself, and trying myself to collect my old self and live. Life is a constant struggle

Same here, 5 months and it went from magical to tyrannical so quickly. Traumatizing

I was raised by narcissists in a chaotic, sometimes violent home. Most of the people I've been involved with have been narcissists. After years studying and in therapy, I hope someday to have a healthy partner and co-create a healthy relationship. 💖

My mother was a narcissist so how could I possibly know what was normal? I was gaslighted for 18 years under her roof. Naturally, I married a narcissist. Didn't know about love bombing. God, I wish this information had been around decades ago. I lived with a narcisst for 40 years and still attract them.

You are right, truly relations whom your way of life matters to not mere bunch of fools who doesn't care of people's emotion

You are 100% on point... thank you.

@@donttreadonme2 of course

Those people who heard you say you had something....and remember to follow up on it. So welcome and sweet. I find some people interrupt so much, talk about "I ,I ,I...." . It's telling. (What happened to 'we'?) I'm exhausted from it. I try to think before I speak, and people try to think for me. They butt in, and it's not what I intended at all. I've had to hold up a finger (wait, give me a chance...), even a hand, to share an idea or story. I want to say "Shut up and listen". I have commented "You're so busy talking for me, that you haven't heard a word I've said!" All this to say that genuine listening is a treasure.

100%

🧡

Feels good to read this, to know not to be alone. I never want a relationship again and that irritates my family and other people.

Nomadic by choice ¿curious why you limit yourself in name not action. Aren't we all connected anyway? 🧡🙉 oh maybe u r a wanderer like Eckharte Tohle 😁 but he has a sxy partner .....hmm...I think everyone is in a relationship in each conversation they have 🎶 we are all in eternal relationships with Life and life surely urges us towards loving connections(?) 🌻 nomb non of my biz 😁

@@iloveFreedom.Same reasons Nessa wrote. Very bad, almost deadly relationship and I prefer to stay alone for the rest of my life. I made that decision at 28 that's why I said it irritates some people.

@@iloveFreedom. we are certainly

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So simple, yet so TRUE & POWERFUL...that's what your words are. I thank you for them.

My narc always tells me about myself but says no one can tell him who he is

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to check out the interview! So glad you enjoyed it🧡

Amen 💯

Exactly. If she were to travel to city to city for speaking engagements, people would go just to be able to say thank you in-person.

you did it, be happy, xx

Yes, it's intetesting how it is like a playbook, instruction manual that narcs follow.

Echoing…

HI how are you? I was very interested in what you posted. I am going through something right now with my husband. how did you finally have the courage to leave?

Interesting reading this comment specifically cause I would say this to him. I was not doing what he would accuse and and often ask him if he was the one since all my jumping through hoops and proof giving was always not enough and met with more accusations Eventually finding out he was the one messaging his ex girlfriend and going in dating apps when caught he would blame me! Also when accused of a like in instagram or a text from a guy it truly would be innocent. I know it reading this specific comment I thought omg am I the narcissist? But too much to type and explain

@@jenniferanselmo2841 I feel your frustration in this post. I don't even know you, yet when I read this, I felt my heart break 💔 for you. I'm so sorry you've had to endure this type of bs that usually ends up making you feel l.ike YOU'RE the crazy one and there's maybe something wrong with you. Its so messed up. Then, I when I read the very last sentence about "so much to tell.. its way to much to sit here and type all out.." I could totally relate. That's when I felt even more frustrated for you! You are not alone miss jenniferanselmo2841. If you ever need to vent or need to get some shit out, you can hit me up anytime. Sometimes for me, it feels better just to get it all out. Also, sometimes it helps to have someone who actually gets what you're going through and can remind you that you AREN'T the crazy one , and that you ARE worthy of a normal, happy, non toxic, loving relationship. 💯 Take care of yourself.

You are not narcissist but your ex possibly is. I had the exactly same experience and conversations like yours with my ex. He constantly falsely accused me and gaslight, he even apologized every time and pretentiously submissive like he d give everything to have a great relationship with me. Then I found out my suspicion about he s the one who had done what he accused me… and I took records on what he said and did… this time he could not argue with me and I instantly blocked him

💯 exactly like this !

🧡🧡🧡

Ya not alone sista 🎉

From Chicago with Love 💘 been there,

Same!!! It's awesome to know it wasn't just me. It's so great to know people out there are trying to educate themselves and heal. The community is out there!!

Seeing a man in a 20 your relationship and currently still living with the narcissist. He loves me but can't figure out how to leave her. These videos help us discuss how to handle this situation. It's more difficult than my divorce was.

I feel like we’re in a similar place - hurts every day. Being alone is way better than the abuse, but really hope I can get to a place where I can trust (and at least have the possibility of being with someone again some day.) hang in there - be kind to yourself.

Relationships are work. It's okay to take a break and just enjoy the quiet of solitude. After a person gets to that space, it's hard to give it up.

Sad for you, it’s not your fault that you got stuck sometimes it’s a pattern that’s familiar & comfortable at first. Just like having alcoholic parents, you could be drawn to an alcoholic partner just because you know that kind of life of the party drinker. We found this in our family & it took three generations to wipe it out but several divorces. Best wishes to you for a happy life free of bad relationships.

@@arizonahealingjourneys keep working on it. For many of us it's a life-long possess. Narcissism: the gift that keeps on giving.

@@arizonahealingjourneys I feel for you. I have been out 7 years now! Don't ruminate much now, but still don't trust and find myself unexpectedly triggered at times, and can't tell if it's accurate or PTSD.

Glad this was helpful for you🧡

100% agree 👍🏽 😏. Was just thinking the very same things. How spectacularly wonderful is it?!!!!!!!!

So very unfortunately, you are 🎯

You're welcome,thank you for watching🧡

Me too

Be safe as you exit, sending Light ~ You've got this!

Thank you Lewis and Dr. Ramani for this wonderful talk. This helps me so much!!!⭐️❤️

Because we hope to return to how amazing it felt in the love bombing stage. And we are addicted to the roller coaster 💔❤️‍🩹❤️

Same...we share children so I still have him in my life.

@@uknpdsurvivor660 yeah same ...it sucks, gonna have to deal with them forever but we just gotta work on gray rock and being indifferent

Mine was eight and a half yrs, and I was so controlled, isolated, and manipulated. I have to completely unlearn so much. I was discarded suddenly, 7 months ago it was so traumatic. My heart hurts too so its going to be a long time fir me

​@@heatherkennedy8213 Im sorry to hear that...Just take all time you need. One day you'll realize that you are sooo much stronger and have much more knowledge and selfrespect bc of this experience...Wish you all good in future! 🙂

I feel you.

Wow that's amazing. Good for you! 🙏

Carol I am so sorry to hear about your illness. I hope for your physical and mental health. Please take care. Find a support group if you don’t have one.

Girl...get tf out of that relationshit. Save yourself. Therapy is a very good idea.

Safe yourself! It’s going to get better soon when you manage to leave!

@@oWMatt thank you. It's just hard because I have nowhere else to go. I moved to this state and the only family I have is my twin sister who lives in his house and he occasionally has flings with .... I stay in a trailer in his backyard... He told me to "be kind and if I wanted love to be loving"... I tried that for 4 days straight 3 days ago I just stopped because he still treated me like crud. It's hard. It's just hard....

@@krivoli86 thank you very much... I'm trying to find a dirt bike, or a quad, an ATV or UTV for sale that goes at least 35 mph but can carry some weight, so I can get my stuff out of here when he kicks me out again. . Myself, I weigh 83lbs and I'm 5ft even.. so I can't get a big dirt bike. I've been looking into quads and electric bikes too. My stuff is not much but it's all that I have. It's just clothes and the last time he kicked me out, I went back to Cali and he gave some random girl all my clothes, after he slept with her, because she showed up at his house in a tiny dress and no underwear. 😕 It sounds crazy, but this is all true....

Please leave. Love yourself. You will be ok, 🙏.

It totally can be a trigger. The moment I hear that I feel anxious, crazy and want to run away. It's almost traumatic haha.

I'm glad you make it a point that you "have to remember" to take care of yourself. Sad reality. Enjoying life with the "cat in your lap"... I love that part 😍. Happiness to you always...

Appreciate you and your support🧡

This conversation has been so helpful Just gone no contact for 6 months. It's been the best tool for me to get free and get some distance from the narcissist scammer I supplied for 2 years. This conversation puts things into perspective for me. And continues the healthy introspection I started so long ago. Blessings, Lewis and Dr. Ramanii.

Ditto wish he wasn’t so much younger than me, lived near me and I could at least spend time with him. There are NO men as beautiful inside & out; sadly most ALL men are “out to lunch” ❤️ u Lewis…

🧡

Absolutely!

Don't give up on this life. We're all in it together.

Dont give up! If you typed that in the search bar, you are well on your way! Best wishes to you and your journey.

It's weirdly like we're all involved with the same messed up person. 😂🤦‍♀️😬

Dr Ramani first be friends than lovers....test...them...ladies...be good and do not believe in the Prince...

​@@myriamfersing7935 yes theres no knight and shining armor coming to ride down on you and carry you off into the sunset. They're complete evil

I searched for someone who I felt was in a similar situation I share a three-month old with a guy who I believe is a narcissist. I too am seeking therapy, because the gaslighting and the verbal, mental, and emotional abuse has been so tormenting. Trying to co-parent with him is so aad because the lady that he is seeing now does not know he has a new baby and he's refusing to see him if he can't see me and I'm not ready to see him after learning so much and being disrespected, but I do know that things will get better. We will not always feel so hurt and disappointed for falling in love with the thought of what could be. Hang in there and keep me updated on your healing journey.

You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡

I put his ass in jail I dare a mf too show his face 😂😂😂

Truth!

100%. Very selfish and inconsiderate.

🙏🏽🧨🙏🏽🧨🙏🏽🧨

Never? Thats amazing

Lucky!!

You'll probably have all the red flags memorized. Yet may get caught in a snare briefly as some are so good at playing a role. I didn't hear it all this one, but will. My 2c... keep autonomy (friend meetings, hobby or sport,, make one if you have to, a hike, a jewelrey class, a pottery class, etc.) with vague answers about return time l, as in 'about 3 hours, if we don't go for coffee'. Or one of your friends is really chatty. And always do this and watch for irritation or the -why they aren't as important type comebacks. Just do it. Plan things together, but need a stop during. They are task oriented, there, done, home. Need a Sammy, or ask to stop at coffee shop. Watch again for irritation to your 'need'. So it 6 mos if it takes that long. *Listen for invalidating of you I'm comeback.* Make sure you both do things together you both actually decide on. One time may be their desire, times need to be your desires also. Period. Without the other pouting or putting it down. How much feed back do you get when you talk about your ideas. Genuine, intelligent feedback. I would.not share your skeletons, your foibles, your shortcomings unrill the other is at least a year into relationship, if then. Vet their history of family relations and meet if you can. Vet their job. Meet their close friends. Trust your instincts after a yr. Are.they vulnerable? Beware of expensive gifts. Mostly it's the interpersonal between you two as flying monkeys abound around narcs. Don't alwa6s be available and don't justify why. Be vague. Guard your heart. Be cautious with it. If your going to have a long term relationship today is part of your tomorrow. Become friends. If you leave se>< out you won't be blinded by emotion and the bond it creates. Clouds your judgment and men think there is commitment on your oart. And it sounds harsh but taking time to develope a friendship is crucial. These are the days if a pandemic of toxicity. Easier to be cautious now than have to recover later. Best wishes for a healthy relarionship.

Lucky you I'm surrounded by them my family and work I can tell you this much its a living hell it's only once I was out of my environment when I was around some positive people that I realised how toxic the environment I was in

I hope you will never be it’s horrible

Thanks for being here!

Magdalena 👍

I need me and only me ❤🎉

@@tammyfitzgerald5336 amen. I couldn’t imagine. Life’s to short and, I had way to many good years stolen. Being abused is bad enough but, being blamed for being abused is the ultimate abuse:

@@Mike-mb8oy You said it perfectly in that last sentence ....that is the ultimate abuse and it is absolutely crazy making and for me provoked reactive anger .

Ditto!

Me either. I'm 4 days out of the relationship and I couldn't be happier. I'm too old to give away any more of my life.

Take your time it's going to get so much better....remember no good change comes without discomfort...be kind to yourself.

@@nessauk2786 Thank you! I'm actually the one that filed. It was tough, but I'm thankful for my "inner circle" and my counselor that really provides perspective and help me with developing mechanisms to sustain my mental well being.

Yes, after 5 years absolutely everything reminds me of him and it's unbearable.

Be careful about speaking your truth.. it can inflict narcissistic injury and that can cause narcissistic rage.. just be careful. Sometimes just knowing the truth and protecting yourself by low contact or no contact is the absolute best and most peaceful way to go..

@@astrialindah2773 Well said- narcissistic dont care about resolving our truth- only that you have to seriously pay for the injury by bringing up your hurt.

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Wow … 20 years. A few months have been enough to destroy my being. I am grateful I recovered and the spell is slowly fading away

The thing is most of your experiences have been with a toxic person. Trust me I know what it feels like. But the key is to spend time around healthy environments and good people. You can take your time to observe people and how they interact etc. But trust me there are still many good people and believers even out there

The pain he caused you shouldn’t be forgiven, but bury it in the past where it belongs. People don’t have to die to be ghosts; his memory of hurting you will haunt him forever. Trust with caution.

I agree!