Let's Talk Love | Healing From Narcissistic Abuse with Dr. Ramani Durvasula

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This week on Let's Talk Love, Robin is joined by clinical psychologist and author, Dr. Ramani Durvasula, to discuss the journey of healing from narcissistic relationships. Dr. Ramani shares insights from her practice and new book, It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People, diving into common traits of people with narcissistic personalities and explaining why narcissistic individuals are resistant and most likely not going to change.
They explore the emotions of grief and shame that often accompany leaving a narcissistic relationship. Dr. Ramani gives effective strategies for healing and reclaiming one’s whole self and autonomy. For those seeking to understand and recover from narcissistic abuse, this interview offers validation, perspective and practical tools for moving forward in the healing process.
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Learn more with Dr. Ramani Durvasula:
Book: It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People
CA: amzn.to/3IgahDN
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Narcissistic Relationship Healing Program + Community: doctor-ramani.teachable.com/p...
00:00 Intro
01:10 Introduction and Background
01:30 Impact of Narcissistic Abuse
04:17 Feedback on the Book
07:49 Narcissistic Personality Traits
09:17 Narcissism on a Spectrum
11:25 Rigidity of Narcissistic Personality
13:19 Personality Traits on a Spectrum
20:26 Healing After Narcissistic Abuse
25:57 Disenfranchised Grief
29:17 Shame and Blame
29:36 Radical Acceptance and Finding Hope
32:35 Detachment and Indifference
36:49 Reframing the Healing Journey
42:55 Taking Back What Was Lost
48:05 Making a List
51:19 Reclaiming Core Values
56:47 Becoming Narcissist Resistant

Опубликовано:

11 июн 2024

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Комментарии : 106

@amac2573 3 месяца назад

One of the last issues Dr Ramani speaks about is being in a rush. Be careful of people who try to pressurise you or rush you into doing something or making a decision such as getting engaged, going on holiday, moving to another area, etc.

@debbiemckenna5 3 месяца назад

This is Exactly what my ex husband did to me. Pressured me to go out with him, move in with him and to get married. It didn’t get bad until we had our 3 children. I stayed at home with them until 8th grade and the children and I were Very attached and close. My X was Extremely Very JEALOUS! He said that the kids Love me more then him. Then he tried turning them against me PARENTAL ALLIANATION! He became demonic. I believe NARCS are the Devil 👿

@wellinever1558 3 месяца назад

I have always said this. They cant keep up their mask for longer. They also suffocate and stalk you so you dont have time to thi k and process it. So dangerous. I wish i had known Dr Romani years ago. To understand first then helps you to heal. Its so damaging.

@jindih 3 месяца назад

Selling MY flat, taking the money to cover his huge debts, complete denial of having any money off me, moving in with me, getting married….huge rush! 😢

@NancyBrown1975 3 месяца назад

Yes and they keep a fire lit under you to keep you busy in servitude to them. If you slow down they prod you on and try to KEEP you on your toes serving them.

@insiteandawareness3500 2 месяца назад

Agreed 💯 I was with a man who wanted to rush into living together and then was talking about marriage way too soon. I knew the marriage part was a red flag and after living with him I saw many red flags such as lying or withholding information about himself from me. When I found out he had an addiction to porn I started to slowly leave him in my mind and after 6 months I was completely done with him.

@nisc1091 Месяц назад

Months???? Took me 15 years to figure what this is. Knowledge is power

@gillianfrances 3 месяца назад

I was told that I couldn't work, drive or even have my mail delivered to the letterbox. I had to go & collect it from his workplace. I also had to ask for money, I didn't have any money of my own. I can not believe now that I ever accepted this. I see him now as like a concentration camp guard. Everything that was me was slowly, insidiously chipped away. I now feel such joy to know that he has no control, at all, that I am completely independent & free of this awful being.

@insiteandawareness3500 2 месяца назад

I think they call it coercive control. I had a similar experience where he would keep tabs on me and tell me what to do and once I got away he became a stalker. Protective order has kept him away. If I would have known I wouldn't have gone out on the first date with that monster.

@brynne77 2 месяца назад

@@insiteandawareness3500 Wow. Glad you got away. Hope he stays away.

@fiction589 Месяц назад

Congrstulations and salutes to all Ladies who got free 🥳🥳🥳 be free like the wind from toxic men !!❤❤❤❤

@NaomideBlonk 2 месяца назад

To recover from this 28 year relationship has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Just like Robin explained I gave up so much of what was me. Thank you Dr Ramani for your intelligence and insightfulness around such a complex issue. I have listened and learnt from you now for the past 3 years, and have read your book. Thank you for helping survivors recover and to be able to look forward. I am so grateful.

@brendarewan7441 Месяц назад

It’s not that people CAN’T change it’s because they just don’t choose to change.

@MsLisa551 3 месяца назад

Healing is an amazing journey. After 6 years divorced I went on a vacation solo.. a 1500 mile motorcycle tour in the southwest Canyons. I was full of fear and I did it anyway, it was the best experience. I am really proud of myself. Through my canyon stops , I sent my ex narc pictures with no text. And got no reply. That was validation too. Lol as he sat and watched me grow without him must be frustrating. 😊😅 As he use to say to me,,, "watch and learn" ditto!!

@cotinaevans6763 2 месяца назад

Good for you! This is confirmation for me to get moving even if I am afraid and cry the entire time!

@kirjoy991 12 дней назад

Stumbled upon this podcast, as I follow Dr. RAM, and she has been teaching me and opening my eyes that this is a real thing, and its not my emotions, or being unkind. Narcs are soul sucking and want to control you. Robin, keep being the warm and kind person you were wonderfully made to be. It's not you.

@robinchilds7492 3 месяца назад

When I met the narcissist he told his friends he got a good one this time. Now I know what he really meant.

@jindih 3 месяца назад

Mine said to me, “I know which side my bread is buttered” because I earned more than him.

@GaslightingIsEvil 2 месяца назад

@@jindihI don't know what that means. Can you elaborate please?

@elenaangheluta 2 месяца назад

😢 yes been there trofee , just know you are much more than a 🏆 ,value yourself

@milarepa1234567 2 месяца назад

@@GaslightingIsEvil idiom. informal. : to know how to act or how to treat others in order to get what one wants. He pretends to be impartial, but believe me, he knows which side his bread is buttered on.

@Lynn826 Месяц назад

Wow. So true.

@LoucriciaBrown 2 месяца назад

You are saving my mind ❤ I thought I was going crazy and my feelings of embarrassment . I moved my life to be with this Woman. Then my life became Toxic, I had no friends, my Son was miserable and arguing all the time. About how I changed. It was awful. Now, I am trying to get my sense of self back. In addition, I am a therapist? Now I understand I WAS THE SUPPLY😢🙏🏾

@radicalscience1965 3 месяца назад

That’s the thing… That lack of empathy, the inability to care, no desire to care about other people leads me to believe that the narcissist cannot love another person in any definition that seems reasonable of what love is. I think they are devoid of the capacity or the willingness to love. Just transact that’s it.

@tnt01 3 месяца назад

100% and they never change, only get worse with age.

@henryhorn4097 Месяц назад

Good Luck on your healing journey. Thank you for sharing this content. I have been dealing with Narcissistic Abuse for the past 10 years. It’s actually a Blessing knowing that I’m finally free. ❤

@sianllewellyn5607 3 месяца назад

Such true and great advice to follow from Dr Romani. 😊❤❤ This fabulous lady has helped me and so many thousands of people who have gone through this horrendous experience, which is so hard to explain to our friends and family, realise its not me thank you Dr Romani from the bottom of my heart ❤❤ you are truly a godsend to all of us who has lived this awful experience xxx

@clydare 2 месяца назад

Sadly I knew after the first date. After about half an hour of polite talk, he told me he had been raped by a family member. He invited me to lunch at the weekend then disappeared for a week. When I went to his place he told me he was called away on work . Then he said he was a weapons expert with dangerous associations. Fool me, I fell for it all. I actually believed him. Fifteen years later I am free, out of the fog and finally getting my life back. Thank with with all my heart dr Ramani for your wonderful insightful book ❤

@kathryncothern3433 Месяц назад

I am SOOOOOOO glad that I walked away from that situation. My gut intuition notified me the very first time he did something and that never left. Yes, it did take a while to figure out what was happening and it was on the Universe's timeline since I had to really figure it out. I am now writing my new chapters in Life with so much excitement! I am thankful that my headstrong heart, soul, mind, and body with the keen gut instincts, were never brought down or destroyed. I learned a whole hell of a lot about narcissistic behavior from this person, and from Dr. Ramani during her many different podcasts, and have all that in my toolbox going forward. I also learned even more about myself and solidified more what I want with an emotionally stable/grounded gentleman in the future. Being true to me!! ♥

@lynnzeck7812 Месяц назад

Dr. Ramani has written a profound book , it will be life changing for many people who have been impacted by these relationships . It’s complicated and she is bringing it out into the light .

@julianterris 3 месяца назад

What really threw me, was that she never loved me, *and* I didn't *realize* it! And *that* was my lightbulb moment. (A therapist had alluded to it many years before but I was not able to hear it...) What I *realized* was that both my parents were narcissists -and that had set me up for a whole string of narcissistic relationships -in my personal life and my budding professional life too. I gradually realized that I had naturally concluded that "(yet again) it was my fault." There are two types of folk who have a string of broken relationships: Narcissists *and their victims!* . No one wants to see themselves as a "victim" or as "supply" "I'm too smart, too empathic and sophisticated to get caught in *that* trap." Once the Honeymoon's over, the "house lights" go on.

@cherrybacon3319 3 месяца назад

I just had to tell you. I got the book it's not you just now and am so happy! It was the last one, and as I'm typing this message to you, I'm stood reading it in the Bustation waiting for my Bus. Thank you!! 🍒

@annsdigitalmarketing 3 месяца назад

I am receiving mine in this coming week and I can't wait!

@victoriadisalvo5308 3 месяца назад

Grief of the loss of oneself.

@madelainebanchs3729 2 месяца назад

Thank you much for this incredible interview! I really felt the part that I was always wrong ,selfish an ungrateful when some topic o behavior came up ,that I should behave accordingly because so many women in town wanted my life,my house,my family... I was the crazy one because he was always right . I gave up my morning green juice because the noise of the blender bothered him at 8am coming back from talking the girls to school. Simple as parking my car in the driveway coming from grocery shopping and kids and stroller to take down , but No! he had a client or a friend over and allowed them to park in my space and I had to meanwhile park in the guest packing. So yes the little unrespectful things make you live your life as other want to run it . 😢

@marialucas1810 Месяц назад

I felt the love in this podcast and am ready to embark on my Heroes Journey. Thank you both for sharing this with us 💗

@maevebutler4641 2 месяца назад

What a super interview between two beautiful women Have my book Every survivor from narcissistic abuse should have this book It's simply brilliant ❤

@dianejefferies Месяц назад

Dr Ramani has saved my life!! That is literally! Thank you!❤

@johnjosiah8839 3 месяца назад

Boy I deeply appreciate hearing my truth 👍💯

@mgenihamed5710 3 месяца назад

Wow.beautiful and heartwarming introduction and best message for us warriors,Thank you

@AminulIslam-ww4tq 6 дней назад

It took me 8 years to figure it out. I have been told multiple times by my friends that her behavior is not just acceptable. I was blindsighted. Now that I realized, it feels like it got too late. The emotional and psychological abuse that I have received for such a a long time has made this overall trauma more painful.

@lindavincent678 18 дней назад

Eight years of physical abuse, emotional psychological gaslighting my nebulization eight years that’s just have a part of before it was. I knew there was control there. Thank you.

@SusKa22 2 месяца назад

The absence of people that are supporting you after the breakup. It’s so harsh. Instead of supporting they are listening to the gossip about the victim . 😢Healing takes time and there is not always a good support because of the misunderstanding of the impact on the impact of the narcissistic abuse 😢

@insiteandawareness3500 2 месяца назад

Try not to pay attention to the toxic people. I used to work in a toxic environment and I got out of there. Cut off the toxic people from there. Went through a breakup with an ex coworker there. Sucks majorly at first but it's getting better for me now. Takes time to heal...self care works.

@mvbigmagic4048 2 месяца назад

I think what helped me go no-contact is that I'd already been ignored by my narcissistic family members for decades, I had developed friendships outside of my family. Even at my workplace, also full of narcs, I developed hobbies and met people who were not narcs. So when I left my job after someone failed to help me out in a family emergency (after I'd been covering for people for years with no questions), I didn't suffer from it. I was scared, but I changed my career, and I'm so much happier. Going no contact with my family has been sad, but.... I've also grown to understand I have many friends who are SO DIFFERENT from my family of origin. They are my chosen family. "The blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb."

@iw9338 27 дней назад

Yes, I hear you.😢my siblings chose his side even offered him a place to stay 😮😅

@GulayYanik 28 дней назад

This is really insightful. Thanks Dr Ramani, I appreciate all your videos and the time and effort you have taken to do this. I am grateful that there is valuable content as such on RU-vid, designed for audiences that have gone through or are going through narcissistic abuse. I had lost my self, gave up on my self, values and even passion for my career because of one nasty narcissistic person who threw me away in the bin in just one second, after a 1.4 year relationship… Thank you god and the universe for saving me from this evilness.

@aries4901 3 месяца назад

No. For me NOT thinking of the good focusing on the BAD of the narcissist helps me be strong and stay away.

@yasemink5268 2 месяца назад

No euphoric recall here. All I have is overhaul and that is a challenge, too. I am so exhausted.

@nisc1091 Месяц назад

So touching that Robin herself is going thru this, it is somehow comforting that this is not only happening to me😢

@1604Samira Месяц назад

So True living their life..about food..vacation..i left my Job...move to his country..Great video..i am in proces od healing..Thank you ❤

@mzeklektik1089 Месяц назад

Dr Ramani is my only voice of rationale that keeps me going.....

@user-mf7ll4nm4n 3 месяца назад

So true. Just leave them to live in their wonder world.They are very unlikely to change ( and no it's not just men believe me). Don't waste your daylight on these people. They will waste your time and they enjoy it.

@DeeDee-pl8se 2 месяца назад

I admire you Dr. Ramani. Its been 6 years I have been listening to your videos. You have helped me so much ❤ and made me understand these dynamics. Cant wait to start reading your new book "It's Not You" Congratulations Dr.Ramani

@tamarazwinak1447 3 месяца назад

This is one of the best interviews with Dr. Ramani I've watched. Kudos

@lesabrydson2526 3 месяца назад

I am a Christian, so back in the day, I knew little from the Bible. Going to therapy, my body falling apart, crying, only to hear narcissist Melford Morris would say, I thought she would be like Ruth and Naomi, I wanted to kick him and the Pastor, he was a liar and a thief, after making several changes and adjustments, it was never ending. I am still healing Prayers Psalm 23 -73🙏🇯🇲🫅❤️

@carolannstevens5814 4 дня назад

This was an INCREDIBLE interview! I am listening to Dr. Ramani crash course! I need help as I have been with a narcissist mom, spouse and “friend”. In process of getting away from all. Thank you!!! How can I be part of your group please?

@harrietbaker4484 Месяц назад

Any tools for coping with an adult narcissistic adult son who blames me for everything and constantly blame shifts. I can't take it any more and am distancing more than I have before. Broken hearted.

@janephuongvogel7282 Месяц назад

Sir, I know he's your son, your flesh & blood, but you have to apply Dr Ramani advices of DO NOT ENGAGE, DO NOT EXPLAIN, GO GRAY ROCKS !! I myself came from a toxic family too. It took me 55 yrs to finally step away + stay away from all of their evil 😈 abusives, physically, mentally, and emotionally 😢 After healing myself from my childhood traumas, I'm becoming much Stronger + Wiser than ever before ! Life's too short and precious to waste on any toxic people + relationship, which includes our own families. Good luck to you + wishing you all the Best. God blessed 🙌 😇 Buddha Blessed🙏

@kathyrichards1506 Месяц назад

Thanks so much for your videos. I realise now its common to take about 1 to 2 years to wake up to a narc or the cheating in a long term relationship as we are blinded and put red flags on a shelf waiting to find out more or our brain goes into flight mode. I no longer feel like an idiot for missing the signs. ❤

@yolondagoode9656 2 месяца назад

Radical acceptance

@birgittrauer7612 3 месяца назад

Thank you, Robin, for sharing your feelings, experiences, and thoughts which resonated strongly with me. Dr. Ramani's comments once again brought to the fore the multiplicities associated with having experienced narcissistic abuse. I still have a hard time using terms as a way to label behaviour, sensitive to the psycho-babble and shaming culture we live in. However, as a behavioral scientist, I am learning to draw on terminology based on research and insight more, appreciating this to be important for us to honor our painful experiences with compassion and as an important component for us to move forward. There were so many takeaways from this today, including the point that this healing process is not a step-by-step cookie-cutter approach, that it is not linear, and terms like the 'hero journey', 'inner sanctum' 'reframing', finding your home, and 'healing is a superpower'. Thank you again to both you, Robin, and Dr. Ramani.

@johnjosiah8839 3 месяца назад

The therapeutic value 👍”NA” never alone 🙏🏻👣❤️☮️💡

@shannondavis127 3 месяца назад

This is an awesome conversation! Thank you-

@werweissdasschon9776 3 месяца назад

❤❤❤ Thank you both for this talk! 💕💕💕

@AlexLouiseWest 3 месяца назад

This is a wonderful video. Thank you.

@user-sx7nq3mf8g 2 месяца назад

Thanking you,

@JK-Georgiablue 24 дня назад

Thank you so much!

@09280215 14 дней назад

I was dating a toxic person, who's chronical people pleaser, he wanting to date forever, used me as a company, no progress in relationship. I broke after ten month of dating to nowhere, he was keeping all on superficial level, it felt like he didn't care. New type of toxic personality to me

@johnjosiah8839 3 месяца назад

Yes the solution to healing & to become better ‼️

@barbhammondroy1345 2 месяца назад

I love your book learning so much more and yes thank you for writing this book. ❤

@geena-g-777 Месяц назад

Not a quick fix but a healing fix from here on

@yolondagoode9656 2 месяца назад

That is so good

@iw9338 27 дней назад

I just ordered your book 😅❤

@user-jy2kt4bf7g 3 месяца назад

I feel you. I don’t think I was loved too

@edithescobales4632 2 месяца назад

You’re ashamed of people knowing what you’re going through

@brendarewan7441 Месяц назад

Right. And when they do know, they don’t care, or are glad to hear your marriage is not as happy as you pretended to be. Lots of “friends” get dropped during this stage.

@omartrachen6794 Месяц назад

Please, what is the process that a narc goes from beeing gentle ro "heartless"?

@karenconstantine334 3 месяца назад

Dr Ramani do you believe that online therapy would be a good avenue of healing from one’s involvement with a narc or any toxic relationship? Or what do you feel about walking into the organization called ACA? Not suicidal … I’ve actually got out of the last toxic relationship I was in almost 2 years ago. But that was only one of a lifetime of toxic relationships … my many attempts of seeking help is sadly dealing with therapist who are clueless.

@DelSunflower33 3 месяца назад

I would like @dr. Ramni to cover why I have launched many businesses but I completely dissociate and don’t keep any consistency and then a whole year passes and I remm again that I have theee gifts for the world but same thing happens again… there’s something in me that I’m not quite zooming in on.

@candaceheidenrich6278 Месяц назад

Perhaps one loss is leading to the next. I went through a series of losses (deaths, jobs, relationships) and it felt neverending. Finally, I made one decision and stuck with it and built a life through a series of building blocks (buy a home, start a business, build a relationship). What do you want? It’s okay to know and pursue what you want and build a life. It begins with believing you deserve it and making one solid decision after another….wishing you well…you can do it.

@GullerudGallery 13 дней назад

49:43 yup

2 месяца назад

How long have narcissists personalities existed? How many other hidden personalities exist?

@Whitney322 11 дней назад

15:55 me too 😢

@yolondagoode9656 2 месяца назад

I had to leave

@user-mf7ll4nm4n 3 месяца назад

I think that it's important to have gratitude however please do not be someone who will be used ( no matter how nice they appear to be). Don't listen to people who chant on and on about how wonderful the organisation is and be yourself just do not accept the bindsididing , gaslighting etc . Call it out folks.

@evatempleton5994 Месяц назад

How do i deal with a narcissist sister in-law?

@lisbethchristensen1981 Месяц назад

🏆❤️

@chaitrakeshav 3 месяца назад

❤

@leilap2495 2 месяца назад

Having no input on vacations, is misleading in how it seems so unimportant. It comes down to how they feel about me having no valuable input or to even have reason to discuss what we want together. There was no together.

@katarzynaklocek8881 3 месяца назад

❤❤❤❤❤

@vijays8395 3 месяца назад

I will be wiser 9th March 2024

@iw9338 27 дней назад

I was told by a male therapist to be kinder to the marc😮😢😅

@lindavincent678 18 дней назад

I’ve had things said to me. I gotta keep it more respectful on there, but I don’t know you guys have been around for a while and listen to a lot of people. I’m sure you’ve heard a lot of comments, but I’m telling you these hurt and at the time he was always telling me that I was crazy Stuff like that and I never realized until Dr. Ronnie turn the light on for me. It’s not me it’s And. He doesn’t own up to it. That’s all there is to it and if you did have empathy and love it would be I would think I would give up for somebody, it’s hard to

@everett8610 Месяц назад

And it so sucks that the person was is goodlooking and I thought I did pretty good I felt good about that she was so pretty. That was gratifying that someone attractive would think I was attractive. But it was a narc so sad and I like her body and her hair is so curly and lovely and her eyes are very pretty. I'm not shallow but she was like an angel. Who turned out to be an angel of death. Now I got to put her on news weather and sports no personal or she will take me under water again and try to drown me period end of story. Hard pill to swallow but I will dang sure swallow it I'm not into suicide.

@janephuongvogel7282 Месяц назад

Sir, you deserve better than that. You need to leave this evil 😈 toxic, controlling, manipulative person whom you called ANGEL 😇 as soon as you can, and never fall for faked looks, faked images, faked loves, etc ! I'm coming from 3 generations of Buddhism ☸️ and according to its philosophy + teachings, learning to LOVE ourselves is the greatest LOVE of all ♥️ GREEDS ( $$$, fames, fortunes, power, sex, looks, tittles, etc ) are the number 1 cause of UNHAPPINESS + DISAPPOINTMENTS in life ! The day we STOP searching for all of these is the day we reach NIRVANA ( ENLIGHTMENT ) Good luck to you and Wishing you all the Best !! God blessed 🙌 😇 Buddha blessed 🙏

@dianeetchells9963 Месяц назад

Have you heard about ......poking the bear

@bethp5638 2 дня назад

Dr Ramani speaks way too fast for me.

@danielborrowdale3903 6 дней назад

I don't believe in staying in a relationship when kids are involved as it teaches your children that this is a normal relationship so damaging. Teach your children respect selfworth and self-esteem to leave a abusive manipulator.