I would actually recommend listening to some of the other type podcasts they have of this series and then coming back to this. I just listened to the ENFP one to try n understand my friend better, and I found some interesting insights into that type specifically that made me understand the structure of this series they have better so then I wanted to come back here to listen again cause I have more understanding that they go through each function 1 by 1, they mention the coin analogy for the different functions and what it feels like and they wrap up the show with a summary. Lot easier to digest each section that way, imo. I think also some of the concepts for us as INFJ's are a lot simpler than we're making it out to be, like maybe that uncertainty in Ti or Se is keeping us from fully realizing that we know what they're talking about, just takes a few tries to let that Ni soak it all in maybe? idk tbh.
Thank you very much for this episode - it was very helpful and has highlighted a lot of my life experiences as an INFJ. I just wanted to add something in regards to the INFJ door slam. While I absolutely agree with your comments, I just want to throw in here that many INFJs - due to an unhealthy use of Fe and ignoring their Ni - are attracting highly narcissistic individuals as partners or had them as parents. If their Ni or Fe use hadn't been compromised, they most likely would have never started a relationship with such a partner to begin with, or distanced themselves much earlier from a narcissistic parent. In this case, the Ti function is actually a last resort of talking some sense into the INFJ and helping them to break things off cold turkey. While conscious de-coupling is definitely possible with mature and respectful partners, it is unlikely with partners on the dark triad spectrum or with abusive personalities. I completely agree with practising self-responsibility, restoring healthy boundaries, improving truthfulness in communication as well as fiercely committing to personal growth. I just want to recommend to be careful with insinuating to INFJs that a door slam is not a viable option or a bad decision, when individuals in toxic or abusive relationships actually NEED to door slam, because it is the only way to secure their personal safety. As an INFJ myself, I am blessed to never have been in this situation, but there are many INFJs, who have. So perhaps you could put it a bit more into context next time or infuse this topic with more empathy. That would be much appreciated.
I was raised by a narcissistic mother. It took me more than 40 years to understand that she was a narcissist. That led me to narcissistic couples and what saved me from the abuse on both occasions was the door slam. The door slam can even save lives.
Thank you for addressing this issue. Both of my parents are narcissistic and it was during COVID that I was able to doorslam . I was losing my mental health and it was either them or myself going down. Doorslamming was my only option. I still struggle with the guilt of doing this...b/c my parents are now 80 and will need help. Those in a narcissistic family dynamic have a really hard time breaking free b/c you are targeted and smeared if you speak-up about the abuse. Doorslamming for ME was the last resort. Anyway, so grateful for your video. I will watch it again.
This was extremely helpful and validating to me as an INFJ! I have never felt like anybody was ever able to understand or articulate - or maybe BELIEVE - what was going on inside me all this time. Until I listened to this! I feel like I even understand it much better now and know where my next personal growth steps start. Thank you for understanding, appreciating, validating, and encouraging or exhorting my personality type!
One the biggest takeaways so far, is to find ways to work around my trigger points. Building as much skill on top of talent as possible helps me to keep going when the going gets tough.
This is exactly what I needed to hear right now. I am attempting to leave my alcoholic husband after 16 years so that I can concentrate on nursing school. I need help. Thank you
❤ Quote for you from someone else who it took too long to close the door on a toxic presence from my childhood. The ability to endure suffering does not equal an obligation to do so. Best of luck!
If they had a traumatic childhood, INFJs are not aware that they are traumatized. As we look forward to the future, we forget about the past. All the types I have listened to talk about traumas are Si users, except for one therapist who is an old INTJ-a recently old INTJ philosopher. As we know, functions develop with age, knowledge, experience, etc. I would even say we have denial of how much our past and culture we grew up in has shaped us. If we experience trauma in the present Se, we look at how not to have it in future. Our bodies keep the score, too. And we aren't naturally wired to release the stress from the body. As we are not aware of it a lot of times of our bodies and our own experiences, especially when younger. The answer to self-love is to think critically, not criticize yourself or others. It is also to learn the value and skills of each function and how to integrate them when necessary. It helps to understand and verbalise how you know what you know. Slow down and pay attention to your mind and how you connect things! Ni is pointed focus, which can be pointed at anything you want. You have to give yourself directions!
I had some experiences as a child that I believe might classify as trauma but I don't usually resonate with it in a deep way, I look at it more practically and either move on or try and extract what needs to be taken from it. Nonetheless the consequences are still evident in my life, particularly at times where I am feeling especially low. I think it was Heidi Priebe who mentioned in one of her videos about intellectualizing trauma. There are times when I get really emotional about it but it's usually in a moment where my emotions are high. Tbh sometimes talking about can be hard but sometimes not so much at all. I'm not sure if it's really been dealt with because I don't know what's suppose to happen to show that it has, am I supposed to cry about it extensively, talk about it, idk. I guess I'm looking for emotions to validate it or for my logic and emotions to be on the same page. Also I'm not trying to create more problems for myself than is necessary, I have more than enough.
I have to say, door slams can be healthy and very necessary. Just as is the emotion of anger, it can be healthy and very necessary which is why it has evolutionarily evolved to stay.
Pointing out the effect of traumatic childhood on intensifying or establishing an atonement to the emotional vibes of the surrounding is great highlight. It would be great if you could expand on that more. Childhood trauma in correlation to personality types would be a great resource (for myself😅, don't know about everyone else). I wonder if it contributes to the over- reliance on the the 3rd function and the known 1st function 3rd function looping situation
This is so cute. To EPs begging INFJ, "Please don't doorslam me." Guys....the soor slam cones after a long, long time of us telling you and you not listening. If you get doorslammed, go back in your Si and remember when you wrote us , stepped in it, and expected us to be standing in it next to you.
I love this, thank you. I am making some peace with my need for harmony. I have seen it as a source of pain since I have felt it is taken for granted, and others are assuming I can create harmony without their help. I have started having more direct conversations with people around this, which is helpful. My goal really is to teach people who do my work with youth to do it better by managing themselves as much as they manage the kids. I believe these skills can be taught and learned. I am hoping my health issues improve so I can do this work, but we will see
Thanks, so much of that was validating and very relevant to my current stage of growth. The capacity to embody the lesson of the transformation through natural behaviour seems to be the final step for our type in these processes since it is so easy to be stuck in an internal loop which mistakes concepts of reality for reality itself.
I am very sensitive with energy transfer and when I was a massage therapist in my early 20's and that had a big effect on me and on my health. I still love giving massages, but I have to be careful who I chose to work on. I found out that medical gloves (non-latex) help keep the energy from transferring to and from the person I'm working on like a rubber sole for an electrician. it makes a big difference. it just hard to explain that to the clients that it's the reason why i use them. during the pandemic it made it a lot easier. people didn't ask why anymore.
Oh boy! Is Te irritating. Te is for sure a big weakness that i have (lack) and at some point the need will arise for it. Thats when I have a clear vision/goal that I want to execute. That being said, the need for it isn't in the understanding phase, it's in fact very harmful. Introducing a Te input is shooting Ni in the foot. Listening to this podcast made it so clear to me how harmful to my process that have been, getting Te interference while im Ni-ing Ti-ing. Yes, I do get that my Ni-iness can be quite an irritation to Te users. You can simply excuse yourself form the conversation and walk away instead of shooting my Ni in the foot. (Sure well meaning, intentioned etc.). A set of instructions, a toolkit, a bunch of pullet point to follow gives me no relief, help or satisfaction in a any way, form or shape. If i were an Enfp I will for sure love to have those, im not though. A butterfly passing by might just a butterfly passing by (to you). You have every entitlement to perceive it such, enjoy, move on to Te-ing your to do list, cool. I'll set somewhere and ponder upon that butterfly though, thank you very much. Thank you for faciliting this insight.
No. It was a mistake that drives me crazy. But if we remove and upload the corrected version the "RU-vid algorithm gods" will punish us with low view counts. So I left it up. Thanks for the comment. ~ Joel
What's up with the "Dreeeeeeam but be realistic" kinda vibe? Who define what's realistic and what's not? You are aware that many if not most of our life circumstances were extremely "unrealistic" "dreams"? So, who should I go to to give me a "Reality check" and "manage" my "Expectations"? and with which outcome in mind? To not get hurt? To achiiieve more? To be me by not being me? If you want to help an infj who has not yet crystalized their vision about something (Oooh, that vision better be realistic though, because that whats envisioning is all about, stay close to reality), give them your perspective. That's it. Something along the lines of "From where I'm standing you seem to be limiting yourself". Or speak about experience " For me, having a set in stone routine is what helped me with ...". This helps waaaaaaay waaaaay more that you think. Just present your perspective or experience. Hopefully that was Te enough.
You are nothing in this world without extroverted sensing. How am I supposed to be a strong person in this world as an INFJ when being “strong” not flimsy is a full time job? Please help 🙏🏾
Cutting people out/off is by no mean an infj thing! Everyone does it. The difference is the acute awareness that infjs have when they do it and they overdramatize it as if they have done the unspeakable.
I’m wondering if it’s just more final with us, because once we see their their relational pattern, we will never unsee it. I have friends who seem to see patterns in someone, maybe an ex for example, but after a while they lose sight of that pattern and the ex seems attractive again. Not me. It may take me a while to see the pattern, but once I finally see it, I see it forever.
Not as if we've done something unspeakable making it the thing that overdramatizes it. We actually literally overdramatize it with that deep pit of silence and everyone in the room can feel it cause you don't show up for everyone the same. When an INFJ shuts down for one person, they have to treat everyone the same equally publically in order to successfully set that Fe boundary that they're trying to cut out of their life, and that's where and why INFJ's learn that the door slam is no longer effective or the mature INFJ thing to do, as Antonia referred to in this episode.
