I'm mostly misjudged as a "mean girl" since i have a resting bitch face. The fact that I'm socially awkward and tend to accidentally ignore people (bcz Idk how to fcking communicate 💀) also doesn't help the case. Tbh I'm actually a really kind person and love to meet new people but because of poor communicating skills I'm not able to do so. This video was definitely needed 💗
Story of my life 😭 I used to avoid talking to people, cause I would get anxious and think that they would be annoyed by me talking to them. I would literally make direct eye contact with someone, wondering whether or it’d be ok if I said hi, and will say nothing 😭 and then I feel bad cause they’re always saying hi first. I had to tell myself that it’s never that serious, and that people won’t mind if you talk to them. Ever since I started going by that, my social life improved so much :) I don’t have the strong friendships that I want/used to have, but life is a journey🙌🏽
Something that I’ve needed to learn is that not everyone needs to be your ride or die! It’s good to have a few ride or die friends but it’s okay to have surface friends too. You shouldn’t have really high expectations of people and immediately drop them when they mess up because I used to do that and I had no friends. And you don’t need to have one perfect friend you can have a lot of people who you relate and like for different reasons.
@@nataliaaa18 What I mean is a friend who you want to be completely devoted to you, like a best friend. I don't think every friend is meant to be your best friend.
@@joanna48162 To me there's a difference between a fake friend and a surface friend. A surface friend is just a friend you know because of something you have in common(an interest, friend group, club, sport, etc.). Surface friends are definitely real, they just aren't as close as a best friend. I can trust my surface friends, but they aren't the people I immediately go to when I need support. But, having a lot of friends isn't for everyone. Some people enjoy only having best friends and no surface friends. To each their own, but I find myself a lot happier having more people in my life who I can relate and hang out with.
True took me so long to realise this now I am a surface level friend with many people and we have our own inside jokes and fun I found friendships overbearing in the past now it's so much easier and I am really happy that one person isn't draining all my energy
1.-Go out alone & Aproach without hesitation (ask for a opinion, give a compliment) 2.-Clubs, sports, any hobbie u like 3.-Tiktok, Facebook or slide into someone dm's (social media) 4.-Don't be a pleaser to try to MAKE THEM like u, be cool & chill 5.-ASK & LISTEN
Your talk on friendship trauma was so real, thank you for talking about that. I just recently realized that I isolated myself from my best friend because of something that happened with my highschool classmates. I really appreciate your videos 🤍
i have just finished your video on toxic friends, and I started following and watching you TODAY. Tomorrow I have a new friend to meet (we meet via online ) and I was just thinking "I wish she had a video on how to make friends as an adult" AND THEN YOU POSTED!!!! YOURE AMAZING!! You anticipated the needs perfectly.
i recently started watching your videos after a messy breakup, and i love your content! i’m currently building up myself and my confidence little by little. a literal godsend! thank you so much!
@@shubhra-w2d thank you so much!! i’m doing a lot better now since i started watching tam’s videos and i’m learning to appreciate myself a lot more everyday. ((: here’s to learning to loving and treating ourselves right!
watching this makes me realize what an amazing friend group i have. i used to be surrounded by toxic people since literal elementary school days. through the last couple of years the original trio in my class, who were always in their own world kind of like adopted me 😭 now going into my last years of high school, i couldnt be more grateful as they are the most loyal and amazing people i have ever met
you are literally that friend and energy I love having in my life... and hanging out with you through your videos has actually helped my mental health, recognising my value, and just appreciating the strengths of positive energy... loving this community ♡
Hi, as the one who was bullied for being a good Student in the primary school as just a Baby. I feel what that feels. I'd tried to make up, to be aware that is not fair needs a huge power. I'm so proud of you
I'm really struggling at making friends and socializing, and your insights have been incredibly helpful. I appreciate the tips and advice you shared, and I'm looking forward to putting them into practice. It can be difficult to put yourself out there and connect with new people, but I'm feeling more confident and motivated after watching your video. Thank you for taking the time to create this resource!
Hope this summary helps😊: 1. making friends can be easy. 2.green flags are positive energy, trust, loyalty, respect, vulnerability, alignment,effort and communication. 3. Set your standards eg what experiences do you want together? Their traits? Shared values? My expectations? My non-negotiables? 4. Be open, loving and trusting to allow the right friendships to come into your life. You are worthy of friendship. How you was treated before (badly) was more to do with that person than you (dont let bad experiences ruin your future). 5. Why do you want to make friends? What can you bring to the table? What kind of friend do you want? 6. Take small steps eg send the text. Build up from there. Stop making excuses as that’s self-sabotaging. Be compassionate & patient with yourself up. 7. Take up a regular hobby/exercise to find like-minded people so you can talk about interests. 8. Could use social media eg tiktok to ask if there’s anyone else out there (but do be careful with strangers). 9. Focus on listening as people love talking about themselves, so ask them questions and compliment them. If they share something, you could too but don’t overshare something you’ll regret. 10. Repeat back to them what they said in your own words. Radiate positivity, be light-hearted & smile. Talk positively about others. Good luck, im on my own journey too❤
Hey can i say you something??? Where ever i go i meet people and i noticed a thing is that every single person has a bestfriend...they just talk to me for time waste...after their best friends come they forget me or ignore me...i feel sad because everyone does that with me that's why i can't even make a genuine friend who loves or listens to me How can i make friends even in this situation???
I’m SO glad you posted this. I literally cried when you talked about the self sabotaging part bc I’VE been doing this to myself for years now. And having someone my age talk about this subject so deeply really makes it resonate more. ❤️
i took a good baby step when i started actually starting conversations with my brothers girlfriend and now we laugh all the time about embarrassing shit we do lmao shes pretty fun to hang out with.
My problem is that I'm mostly sad/really anxious, and it's impossible for me to smile and be positive because it just feels so fake (I've been struggling with friendship and social skills since my early childhood). I remember wishing to be given a step-by-step instuction on how to talk and communicate with each person I meet like Sheldon Copper's relationship agreement. There are definetely lots of good advices on this video and I'm really thankful😊
Can’t wait to watch this!! I’ve been changing my life these past weeks and having you along for the ride has been so motivational❤️ You are incredible :-)
girl last month you had 3.9k subs around!! and i knew it you gonna blow up cuz the topics you choose to talk about are amazing and that's why i subscribed you this instant 😭😭!! now you about to reach 100k yayyy
amazing! this is just what i needed. i had tons of friends in high school, but it was ridiculously easy to make friends around then. now that i'm in college, i'm a bit of a loner. i only have 1 friend and that's my roommate. i'll make sure to take all this advice
I just wanted to say that i recently found your channel, and your videos are so therapeutic to me. You feel like an older sister giving me life advice, which is so nice because i never really had a female figure to look up to. Im actually around your age, I'll be 22 in a month, but these videos are just so nice and comfy to watch, and just what i need at this point of my life. Thank you, girl, you are so appreciated 💗
I used to unconsciously give myself props for accomplishing a good manner towards anybody. Now I realize I need it more than ever! It just means you care for the individual, but most especially YOURSELF, that you indeed are overcoming goals,
Working on my confidence and I’m trying to get rid of limiting beliefs and excuses. ♥️ I really want to find my dream group of friends. Love your videos Tam 😊
tip to know if a person is not loyal and trustworthy: if they talk bad abt others. i'm saying this as someone who used to talk bad abt friend 2 to friend 1 then go to friend 2 to talk bad abt friend 1. i have changed but i never trust people like that anymore cause if they talk bad abt someone else to u they would talk bad abt u behind ur back in a heartbeat.
My college starts tomorrow and all my school life ive been alone with hardly 2 freind who were toxic, how muchever i try i feel shy or nervous to talk to ppl kinda having " what wld they think of me if i do tat ". Its not a natural mindset for me, durin school days if I would try to star a convo with a group of ppl they wld look at me and silently indirectly say tat lets go there , or lets buy smtg and wld intentionally not give me anything ( not tat i wanted them to give me smtg i just wanted to be treated as others) and all these experiences make me really hard to make freinds. Im watching this vedio now and tomorrow is my first day Im gonna try my best to change my life with the advices in this vedio ill update in a month.I belive in Universe I belive in God, I belive in Magic and I know i have made great group of girl freinds and I am the part of the freind group ive always dreamed of so i thank universe for this. Thank you universe.
Tam you were heaven sent! I’m really trying to improve myself and I can tell that your videos (in combination with me working on myself independently) is really gonna help!♥️♥️
you're so bubbly and emotionally intelligent and reflective and wise and I just discovered you but wow you're really helpful and im so glad I discovered you (and simonesquared and thewizardliz too! - you all have similar takes and different strategies and it's so helpful).
I’ve been watching plenty of videos every day on youtube but never commented on any videos. But u made me do it today. I’ ve been watching yr videos & u girl slayed in each one. Thank u for such a amazing talk. Love you ❤
i guess what i struggle with is firstly seeming approachable but also when talking to people I think I get into the mindset of I want them to like me instead of being myself and for that reason the conversation feels forced
This is actually a REALLY good video! I’ve been realizing I that need to make some new friends and when I go to a new school I’m gonna need to make them QUICK. Because it’s always easier to make friends at the beginning of the year because I don’t want to be left out, or in a bad clique. Thankyou!
I answered the questions you displayed and I can’t thank you enough! I can now see what I truly value and literally see why so many friendships never worked out! This video has helped me a lot on my healing❤
I know this is a month old video so you are probably not gonna read my comment, but I just got to say that this video made me feel happy and confident and ready to make friends. It also helped me relize its not that hard and I have nothing to lose. Thank you for letting me know this
Thank you so much. When I first started to make friends it was really hard for me and I didn't no what exactly to do and how to make them interested in me. now with your advices I know how to make conversations with people that I might will try to connect with.
you are the kind of friend I wanna be with 💕 love your energy sooo much 🥰 thank you for this video ❤ I am confident that my future gonna be full of beautiful friendships truly meant for me 💕
This has seriously been one of the most helpful and engaging videos I have watched in a while. Thank you so much for putting the time into making this video, it made me feel more connected and understood!
I feel like the list is so important because I sometimes end up in toxic friendships, and recently I've been re-thinking some of my friends because they don't respect the fact I have different morals and thoughts and will belittle me because of it.
I struggle to communicate with new people because I’m always thinking about what they would think of me and I overthink my actions. Also I used to be friends with a very negative person and she would criticise everything I did, I had to cut her off due to her making me feel sad all the time.
Thank you for bringing up that you should be choosing friends rather then just making them. Personally for me I’ve had tons of friends in the past and I always thought I wanted a lot of friends my whole life because I was raised with like no friends at all. So once a group of girls actually wanted to be my friend I was blown away and I put my all into those friendships because I’ve never had them before. What I’ve learned is people take advantage of you if you seem desperate because they think you’ll never leave them. But if you’re ever being treated badly in a friendship you need to think about yourself first. I cared about these people so much that no matter how bad they treated me I would forgive them just to try and help what they we’re going through and not hurt them by leaving. But eventually I had to leave once they started to hurt people that were close to me too. Now I have one amazing friend and that’s it. But honestly I’m ten times more happy now. But I’m still open to making more friends of course but sometimes I feel like I put too much of myself into friendships to the point where it’s too hard for me to leave and I don’t know how to fix that.
I have been practicing my social skills now I feel like I'm confident that I can maintain a friendship now. I used to be so socially awkward and I isolate myself. Now I'm out of that and now I wanna start making relationships. I have been trying to make friends but they all dont match my vibe and dont give me the energy I give and it tiring. It so hard when everybody is so bitter. Maybe I am still missing something. I know it's not my fault but it feels like people are not clicking with me. I feel so demotivated. I have a image of what a real friend is so I don't get taken advantage But it's so hard because I'm afraid that I may be setting these unrealistic expectations that will make me not make any progress but I also want a friendship where I am happy and safe I don't want to be robbed of my efforts.
i just found your channel very recently and let's just say it has been incredible! your videos have helped me so much, especially your confidence ones, as i'm trying to build up my confidence, your channel means a lot to me so keep up the good work and i'll continue to watch and support
I feel that it's important to focus on what you can give others more than what you can get out from them. Still trying to implement that in my own life but it's when you give that you receive
You dont know how hard i struggle.All of the people around me were fake,even my “bestie” of 7 years betrayed me in the most excruciating painful way possible.They have a group were they talk and they haven’t put me in it,in summer they hang out every SINGLE day and I was never invited.The whole class HATES me even tho I have only respected them and treated them kindly,even tho I gave them my homework JUST to make them like me.Maybe because of the fact that I’m a top pupil but I doubt it.I know how to talk to people and they know it.And they always oppress me and have no respect or empathy or remorse for me.I do not vape like them (we are in 6th grade),I do not gossip about anyone,I do not hate anyone and I ALWAYS treat them with respect.Why am I not good enough.Some say I don’t lack of anything needed,but im just not “cool”.Im a people pleaser and hate making people sad.Please give me tips PLEASE PLEASE!I don’t want to spend my school days alone!PLEASE HELP ME!And you may think im overreacting but I am not. PLEASE PUT YOUR THOUGHTS IN THERE I WANT FRIENDS!At this time I'm even having *suicidal thoughts*...PLEASE HELP ME I DON’T WANT TO CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP EACH NIGHT.
Ah, the exact same thing happened to me with my bestie of 9 years. She also ACCEPTED the fact that she has replaced me and my class also hates me but I also went through those thoughts, I’d recommend you try to romanticise sitting alone at lunch or smth, it makes me feel better
Stop trying to be liked by these people! Also re-evaluate the thought that the whole class hates you. Unless you're actually doing something wrong and rubbing people the wrong way, there's no reason for them to hate you so much. At worst they're indifferent, at best they just don't know what to make of you or are jealous. If you're too nice they'll treat you as a doormat or they'll be insecure that you're doing good for yourself. What I've realized is being too nice does not earn you friends. Learn how to be confident and how to read the room. Set your own boundaries. Don't let people copy off your homework!!! Those people are secretly bullies. If they want to learn then offer to teach them how to do their homework. If they get mad then stay away from those people. Do whatever it is to continue doing well in school. Middle school and high school isn't forever but what you can do is learn to choose your friends wisely. Surely there are other people in your school who want to do well in their academics? Try making friends with them. Maybe you can also take interest in the things people your age engage in like popular tv shows, games, etc.. Lastly, if you have no friends it isn't always your fault! Sometimes you're just in a bad environment so don't take it personally and instead find fulfilment outside of school. Don't worry too much! I hope this helps you even a little. Good luck! ☺️💗
I always maintain certain standards when i choose my close friends but all of them broke those standards which made me drift away. I feel really sad losing my close friends but at the same time I can't bear with them as i found myself often placed in a situation im really uncomfortable with. Im an introvert but sometimes it feels rlly lonely and i always blame myself for having idealistic standards which makes me unfriendly. Definitely have some friendship traumas and basically gave up / scared af to make new friends or approach ppl. Point is im learning to be satisfied alone because at the end of the day you are your closest friend
what about tips on how to talk to more people that have known u for being a quiet girl for years . i really really need that. I've been struggling for 5 years to even talk with classmates . i am actually starting my journey to improve myself recently and i hope i'll get through it. the 5 years phase felt like hell tho. i really wanted to get better so ur help will be a great impact 🙏🏻. anyway , nice video with great tips 🎉
But why is it important to have friends? I have some classmates I talk to, but we don't talk about our life or have deep conversations about deep stuff, we keep around school and for me it is okay. I am also fine with myself alone.
i didn't even know that friendship trauma was a thing before I try to make friends at school , college and my coaching classes as well even though I'm a very introverted and shy person and I make friends in the process but in the end I'm always alone and feel like backup person they only call me when they need something so I started to stay away from people and stopped talking to everyone and recently I was feeling very lonely but this video helped me so much ❤ love ❤️
wow this video was such an eye opener cause i realized i am still healing from a toxic friendship i had and that's why i've been isolating myself. thank you so much for this
leaving a toxic friendship isn't that easy, i had one this year and i end up blocking the friend on Instagram, i dont know if we are over yet or not cuz i didnt met her yet face to face, but imma do when im back to school, and im afraid if she still wanna get me back like just leave me alonnnnne.
LOVE THIS so much! I have been watching a lot of your videos lately and this was the one I finally realized I wasn’t following you and I clicked and made it official! Thank you! Been late on creating a vision board for the year and a good friend group is something I have been working on and wanting for a while so I wrote down your list to add next to some pictures. ❤
From last few yrs m sticking or going back to my toxic friends just because I was lonely n needed someone.. but i swear no life doesn't get any better with them.. so instead this time I want to have my boundaries even if i feel alone but no going back to them.. it's either good friends or no friends 💞😉
Is it worth pushing through if somebody doesn't act interested back? In my experience that would usually turn into me having to arrange everything all the time after that one meeting.
Girl, You help me so much with this(!!!)and I just wanted to say thank you! Especially the part where you say that past failed friendships are not our fault really got me🥰I appreciate your work so much! Thank you for the value you put out there😍😍😍 It’s so great to know that we all grow together🥰
For me, all of my friends aren’t really friends because they don’t like me for me, so next school year I’m at a new school, and I’m gonna try and make new friends who like me for who I am. This will of course be challenging, because I’m shy, insecure, socially awkward, etc. I expect my friends to like text me, hang out sometimes, and talk in between classes. I want them to we smart, competitive, kind (but not too kind), athletic, and for them to be an extrovert so I don’t have to like think of topics to talk about or whatever. It is important for me to have someone by my side, as well as someone who I just like to be around. I’m going to join clubs next school year and I hope to meet some people then. I think that’s my best bet. It’s really hard making friends for me because I have an extroverted twin (I’m introverted) and I usually do the same things as her, etc. and I need friends of my own. If y’all have any tips, I need them!!
Wow this really hit me deep. I almost stared crying, thank you so much for the advice. I need to start taking control of my life and have the confidence to complete it. I will try my best to follow your advice! 😊
I do expect from friendship, giving me space, and making me feel good abt me and motivating me , funny stories and meaningful convos. I do want my friend to let me feel my emotions and advice me onwhat should i do. I want to see them when i m free and to hangout during vacations. I want them to have: Good sense of humour. Intelligence. Storyteller. Goal oriented. Values imp 2 me: Religious islamic. Experiences i want us to have together: Hangouts, trips, meaningful conversations, playing games, going into my house and their house and playing. Good memories is what i want us to get from this friendship❤
I realized that my friends would only last around 2 years. This was because I didn't want to get hurt so I would distance myself from them and expect them to reach out to me to see if they were real. The problem was that because I distanced myself when they were the type of people to always hangout; they saw that I was more of a distant friend so what I wanted never came. When it comes to friendship trauma, I had a friend that told me she wanted to kill me with a chair. Yes, she told me she wanted to kill me and we were the closest friends. I also grew up with friends that had constant drama which is not healthy. Because of that I would eventually make drama myself or worsen the drama because I thought that was how people connected. And to add, I used to have friends that would always judge me and hurt me. Because of that I felt like I needed to always mold myself for different people so I could be around them; which eventually communicated to them that I was fake or a backstabber when in reality I was just trying to fit the mold they and others wanted me to be (or at least what I thought they wanted me to be). This video really helped me find all this out, and I am very grateful for this! Thank you so much Tam
@@loneranger9231 I'm also very sorry that you had to go through such things. I may not know the story but if it caused you pain I'm sorry. Also, I really don't do zodiac signs but I think I'm the disease named one if I can remember correctly. I might be wrong but idk.
OMGGG literally i found your channel just a few days ago and i wished to get some advice from you on this topic because its been on my mind a lot lately
