How To Outsmart A Narcissist The Right Way 

Here is a list of what Abusers/Narcissists usually do to their targets : - Insults their target very often. Then lie when confronted about it, or say it was a joke. - When confronted with their behavior, they pretend to be innocent and play the victim. - Everything is always your fault, even when it's obviously not. - They always have a justification for every bad thing they do. They think they're always right. - Very controlling, they tell you how to live, but they can live anyway they want. Very hypocritical. - They accuse you of what they're doing to you (RED FLAG!), it's called Projection. - Portraying themselves as angels outside, when they are actually demons with their family and especially their target. - They want you to fail, while pretending to want you to succeed (they're very convincing). - They never say they are sorry for hurting you (RED FLAG!). - Poison your favorite activities, they don't want you to be happy or to get pleasure. They also poison other useful activities like important skills which will help you in the future. They DO NOT want you to have skills, they want you to be as weak as possible. They don't teach you anything. - Subtly lead a smear campaign against their target, so they isolate it and make sure they don't get help. - When you want to leave the relationship with a narcissist, they beg you to stay with them and cry crocodile tears. They are the best actors. - Sometimes nice, sometimes cruel. You never know where you stand with them. - They pretend to be "victims", and they blame the target for their own behavior. - They are incredibly arrogant and sadistic. They see the target as weak, and deserving to suffer. - They think they are models to be followed. - They are spiritually dead although they might loudly profess some kind of Spiritual Belief. Please share this message to other people and forums. We have to raise awareness!

I pulled it off! I lead the narcissist to believe that I was the dutiful loving girlfriend whilst I planned my exit strategy. When I left him I wished him EVERYTHING he deserved! He said, "What do you mean by that?" I responded: "Exactly that, darling! You don't need a girl like me in your life...I'll only cramp your style!" The next day I flew to Paris, had the time of my life and never looked back. He LOST! It took EVERYTHING I had to outmanoeuvre him, but I DID IT!

Yes you can win. You detatch yourself from them and win. And they lose someone very special.

Lost my narcissist today, a parasite of 20 years! Haven't felt to free or so happy for so long!

You beat a narcissist by NOT playing their game. You ignore them; they CANNOT handle it.

Thank the narcissist for showing you your faults or weaknesses, so you can heal them and evolve. By doing so, ironically you rid yourself of the narcissist. By thanking him or her for being the vehicle of your transformation, you rid yourself of blaming them for your pain and set yourself free of them. This is the most helpful thing I have learned about narcissists. I will no longer blame him - I will thank him. I have much to think about now, thank you so much for posting this video.

We are already smarter than they are. The key is to not allow what makes us more evolved, our emotional maturity, cause for us to have so much empathy for them that we allow for them to abuse us. Most times, it is this empathy that gets us in trouble. We don’t respond the way we should at the first sign of misconduct because we assume that we are incorrect in our judgment. We are smart enough to know that if someone is damaged they are going to act out and mistreat others. So, we are more patient with them. This is where the problem comes in. Our caring and ability to identify with a person’s pain causes for us to fall victim to their callous behavior. We move the boundary for them because we believe if we do, we can help them. We believe that all they need is love. The problem is, they don’t really want it. They just wanted us to move the boundary. They literally want to see if they can continue to make us do things we not wish to do. They want to see if they can cause a reaction that is out of character. They want to watch us unravel. It makes them feel powerful. Moreover, if you feel sure that your husband might never cheat on you, you might have to rethink. Most wives in marriages are shocked when they find out their husband cheating, and it happens more with people who never thought they would cheat. This is why you have to take the tiniest suspicion carefully. If your husband is cheating on you, the best and probably the only guaranteed way to catch him is to spy on their phones. However, spying on a phone is not something you can do without any external help unless you have the James bond level of spy skills. In such case you will need an expert phone spyier Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose,,,

I’ve found that the narcissist brings out the worst in in me. I hate what I become when I’m around him. Thank you for this helpful video.

So, in other words: "Remove the energy you give the narc and redirect that energy to healing yourself." Cool.

Use the narcissist for what they are: A catalyst for your own transcendent growth. And you are free, and you "win."

The best way to beat them is LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP FIRST AND ABANDON THEM. They get pissed NO CONTACT and block them from every Media source plus there friends so they can't give them any info about you. Give them no foot hold to your life. Don't be ensnared. Move if you have to they are unpredictable people.

The 2k people who disliked this are narcissists

"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." Thank you so much, Melanie.

There is no one single meaningful objective to fight a narcissist back. You just detach totally from them and avoid them forever.

Walk away! Break all communication. And then be a successful happy person. Then you WIN :)

Best way when you’re confronted with a narcissist in a situation is to smile and give him/her the silent treatment and let them do all the talking and leave when they’re done. This will leave them in distress as they can’t read you or get a grasp of the situation!

Striking back at one of those guys is a waste of time plus they love it. They love rolling in the mud and dragging you down in there with them. "Beating" them is like getting into a fight with a pile of poop. Why even bother? How do you beat a pile of poop? You see it for what it is and get it away from it. That's how.

All my enemies have now become my teachers.

Turning your back to them, and living your own life, and have success in your life, THAT IS how you beat them 😆😉 They can't stand to see you happy and successful. 😄

I'm literally in tears...I had no idea this was happening to me.

35 years married to one, he drained me out. Just separated and filing for divorce. Your words came in handy. Thanks

This video is very in-depth. She hit a point that I never considered. The narcissist is the bringer to the surface of our weaknesses and if we can actually face these things, and at the same time don't allow the narcissist's cruelty to affect us, we can heal the traumas that were hiding under the surface. Thank you for this video 🌞

I believe you can outsmart the narcissist simply by walking away. Be cool, but friendly as you back away. It damages their ego, makes them wonder and obsess about you as you get on with your life and you win.

"Stop Feeding the Narcissist." And they will just go away and find someone else to feed off of.

Narcissists are individuals who have deep issues of a lack worthiness. This is what I see at the core of this disorder. I believe when we interact with them they trigger our own issues Of unworthiness. They are mirrors for us to look at our own inner wounds. Like attracts like. The wound is the connection - if a narcissist comes into your life and is affecting you in an acute way - it is an invitation to shift the lack paradigm that is ultimately ready to be transformed within yourself. Once this happens narcissists in your life will go away and a new chapter finally begins for you. I too believe these are soul contacts / in which your soul asked their soul to play this role for you. All of this is ultimately helping you master self love.

Thank you Melanie for bringing a spiritual dimension into understanding the narcissistic dynamic. In February this year, I fell in love with a man I did not know was a narcissist and he absolutely smashed every aspect of my self until I collapsed emotionally. I lost my job from obsessing about him; I failed my university research degree from his emotional withholding and trying to understand why, when he said everything I wanted to hear in the begining so I would fall in love with him, only to find he was philandering, lying, and cheating. He is a doctor, I trusted him but is so arrogant, that he would tell me there was another woman and I should not be jealous or have any expectations of him. He had conditions for me to continue being involved with him that broke my spirit. He knew how to access my wounds as you say and now I am in a depression because he is unresponsive. I feelunlovely, unwanted and a failure as a woman. I feel exhausted as if I was sucked dry by a vampire. I alo am afraid of what I have become, I feel I am being abusive in obsessive texts to him. I am trying to see him as a messenger as you say. I have been totally obliterated and seeking psychological counselling but they do not address it from the spiritual level as you do.

I had a narcissistic father. Horrible childhood I had. Mother left him when I was very young, would ruin my weekends every time I'd see him. Being little at that time, I used to just try to fight back, not knowing any better but that just fueled his fire and I contstantly got pushed to the ground and beyond. I don't see him anymore and I couldn't be happier. Great video. Thank you.

My way to deal with the narcissist in my life is just to tell them "I pity you". It's the most hurtful thing you can say to a narcissist.

Sometimes the lesson you learn is that it is important to stand up to bullies.

I believe that there is a reason why we can get caught up in a relation with a narcissistic person in the first place. If our self worth and our ego is developed in a healthy way, we are immune to narcissistic people. Therefore I saw these people as my 'teachers', because I could learn that I had to develop a stronger ego.

I will not give you narc supply! I will not give you narc supply! I will not give you narc supply! - says the empath to the narcissist ... every day

Lady, you're beyond amazing... I'm lost for words. I don't understand why you don't have millions of followers.

I disagree it is easy to beat a narcissist, all you need to do is realise what they want, which is power, adulation, control, they do what they do to get a reaction from you. Therefore take the decision not to react, no matter what they throw at you, let it slide, keep smiling, keep pleasant, the more you do this the more you denude them of their power. If they have recruited others and tried to smear your character, keep smiling, keep being pleasant, don't react the narcissist will get more and more desperate and eventually those recruited will see the truth. The narcissist loses their power over you and their recruitees. In short the narcissit loses everything they hold most dear, respect and status and they have done it all themselves just because you kept smiling, being pleasant, not reacting and disengaged. It is a conscious tactic on your part and therefore you have won. However you should not take any pleasure from winning you should feel sypathy for the narcissist because underneath it all they are damaged and childlike they react how they do because they feel real pain on rejection, and their lashing out is a defence mechanism against the pain. The saddest part of all is that all they want is to be loved yet they are so affraid of losing love they act in ways that sabotages any love they may receive and make themselves unloveable.

They DO have a conscious awareness. They know what they are doing. They just do not CARE about hurting others. They do not CARE about hurting another. They feel justified.

Engaging with these people almost killed me. Now I kill them with silence and sincere hopes they make peace with themselves. I refuse to become what I'm not and I'm just not a nasty person. Even when I "should be" Life is short, be happy!!!! ☀😘

"It's not actually about you", ty that was what I needed. So true. It doesn't have to be a chess tournament, just detach, and go to your peace of mind. No detours.

The best way is ultimately no contact!

Yes when you show him that he is no longer important to you he looses power. If you don't feed in with any of his attacks it's a wrap. I learned that at a pivotal time in my life. It's like finally saying NO and really mean it without second thought. No more Power he's gone 😥😥😥😥 yes Lord I survived

I've been victimized by narcissists for so long, I truly feel I could react to the narcissist without conscience or boundries. Narcissists can drive you to that point. It's hard for people who have not experienced narcissistic abuse to understand the need to beat the narc. It feels as though, even if you don't have feelings for the narcissist, that they have robbed you of a part of yourself.

Omg this is right. I've fought with mine for 35 yrs, would get physically ill in their presence, then I stepped back and looked at them closely and asked myself, why am I so scared of this person, and the hate and fear dropped off me in an instant. You can't win or lose a game you don't play in. I've decided to just be myself and don't take their never ending bait. I can't be reeled in and gutted if I don't bite the hook. You just have to keep them at arms length and don't get too close to the vortex of madness that surrounds them. I feel free after literally decades of anxiety. Thank you!

The saying "never wrestle with a pig, the pig enjoys getting muddy" fits the same with trying to outsmart or argue with a narcissist, as the narcissist enjoys the argument and battle.

I must make this point. You absolutely can beat a Narcissist and a Sociopath - But, you MUST HAVE and DO THIS: (HAVE - the tools necessary to live Independent of them) and (DO the following - it sounds simple AND IS IF YOU SEPARATE YOURSELF FROM THEM PHYSICALLY. and EMOTIONALLY: DO NOT REACT TO THEIR BAIT/GAMES) This clearly and essentially makes YOU the Winner! PERIOD. I DO NOT SEE ANY OBSTICLE TO THIS OUTCOME - just requires - tools (independence) and patience/planning/time. The sad situations are those whom are held hostage in these relationships due to health/disease AND LACK OF TOOLS: vehicle, computer, living accommodations, phone, etc) (whether partner, parent, sibbling, friend and/or employment) PLEASE WIN - TAKE THE PASSION - THE FEELINGS AND THE CARE - USE IT FOR Y O U - BECAUSE YOU ARE ACTUALLY WORTH IT - THEY ARE EVIL. PEACE. WELLNESS. HAPPINESS. HELP OTHERS!

When you lose your ability to forgive, you are brought as low and become just as evil as your abuser.

So very true.This guy reminds me so very much of my dad who was very much a narcissistic character. I now take it as a test for me to overcome what I couldn’t with my dad. The right way ahead is to use boundaries with them

I would rather be alone then be in a relationship with a narcissist build you up at first then bring you down and blame you for them doing it what a freak

I agree. I outsmarted only with silence, no contact, a very long time, and a lawyer.

How to outsmart the Narcissist the right way: 1. Admit to yourself that this is a pathology and it cannot be part of your life. 2. Admit to yourself that this abusive person is a stranger that wants to harm you because you are a great person. 3. Admit to yourself that the Narc only exist as long as you give it life. 4. Abandon the Narc. 5. Realize how miserable the Narc really is, heal yourself, reach the light again and observe how much you travelled while the Narc stayed exactly where you met him in the first place. 6. To outsmart a Narcissist means to become emotionally independent from other people, since it is the only thing a Narc will never be able to do. 7. If you can realize that the abandonment you are giving to this person is so serious and profond that no one could ever desire to abandon you the way you are abandoning him, then you realize you are not a Narc, that you are a worthy healthy person, and that this very fact makes you smarter than the Narc. You outsmart a Narc by being healthy, it is that simple. I know it is hard to accept at first, and that is why my first point is about the pathology reality of the thing. You can do it. I did. It worked. I am free, I dont fear abandonment and I am truly happy. This sick person was already miserable before meeting you amd it will stay the same after you left.

Narcissists can’t hurt you when you accept your insecurities. Then, they have nothing to use against you. Don’t be angry at them. Don’t play their game. They’re feeling pain on the inside. Have compassion for their lost soul.

Abandon them. The Vampire weakens without its source.

I kept rewinding to let this sink in. I live 24/7 with a narcissist. Somehow I arrived at what you saying (truth) on my own but in a jigsaw pattern. I'm listening... surgically putting the pieces together. Thank you. It's hard to accept the love of your life is sick-Rumpelstiltskin. It's a start, long journey ahead, but for the first time my husband's actions make sense, and my own. (Breathes a sigh of relief).

In summary... The best way to outsmart a narcissist is to come to realize your own weaknesses your own insecurities and your own needs and put them above the needs and opinions of The Narcissist In Your Life and in so doing you cut off their narcissistic supply from you and they can never hurt you again :-)

Until today, I did not know I was living with a narcissist for over 36 years. However, I have grown to understand that I'm not perfect and I'm never going to be. I've come to understand that I am good, smart, kind, and I no longer (without realizing it) submit to his behavior. I have already learned to disengage which diffuses almost everything. I do love him and our family. He has become a much gentler and kinder person. My real aha moment of this video was when you talked about the narcissist behavior being a catalyst for messages to working on myself for a happier inner being--thank you Melanie Tonia Evans--so true!!!

This just confirmed what I've realized. I just left my boyfriend that I lived with for almost 4 years. The past 6 months - a year (not sure time as blended together so much) I have been soooooo isolated and alone because he's forced everyone away from me. But this is what I personally needed to be able to REALLY reflect on myself. I've tried to leave him more than a couple dozen times through the 4 years and each time I was sucked back in. I left him just over a week ago and finally, for the first time, I'm sure I won't be going back to him. I'm a very logical person, I'm a math and science nerd, and I'm also I guess a hippie, but above all I'm an empath. It's because of that isolation period and a lot of research (really just trying to take emotion out of the equation and focus on the science behind the behavior cycle) that I was able to realize that his behavior was molded personally to target my biggest weaknesses (which is primarily my mental health). I realized I needed to fix those problems within myself so he had nothing to attack, because if I was happy with myself, then he has nothing to pick on, he has no ammo. Everything happens for a reason, and I wouldn't take back my experience for the world because of the clarity and happiness I was able to give to myself from the situation. I would have never learned these things about myself had it not been for being with him, and also having the understanding and strength to open my own eyes. The hardest part is opening your own eyes, because NO ONE can do it for you. Thank you for putting this perspective out there to help others understand how to solve the problem, and not just run away from it.

I've grown up with a narcissistic father and outsmart him with ever argument. Its not difficult if you stay calm and keep them on their toes with asking smart questions. It seemed the more rationale and even-keeled I was, the more enraged he would become sometimes elevating to physical expressions of his anger. I found that narcissistic individuals don't like strong intelligent, individuals. They prefer weaker individuals because they are more agreeable to being pushed around. The bummer is it's a life long problem that flirts with healing but never heals. My solution to dealing with my father is less interaction. Any discussion leaves me feeling irritated. It's best to simply avoid narcissistic individuals.

Your videos are honestly helping me more than my therapist. Thank you!!

If you still check this, how on Earth do you get out of thier exhausting, circular arguments??? At first they are in the "wrong" because they are raging at you, but after 40mins of frustrating, circular argument YOU are now so tired of the circular argument, it's so damn tedious and repetitive that YOU are now really mad, but if you get mad now they are the victim...Blah! Just when you are frustrated to tears and just need a hug....they have made it about them...arrrrrgh! By this time they are either walking away and ignoring you while you are all upset and frustrated, or THEY are the ones crying!! Now you are the monster!

I have a narc friend and I've been studying this for some time. This was the best info that I've come across. Thank you very much.

You are so right. Cutting them off and out of your life completely is best.

The way Tonia explains this is helpful to those who don't understand - and SO MANY people do not understand. This info, & how she explains it, is very important for society.

My sister is a narcissist , They are bullies, it took me years to get her out of my life,

I keep seeing these comments that say LEAVE. just walk away. period. a narc is all about control. they need to control you and everything in their lives. they are not likely to just let you walk away. if you have kids with them, well you can't just walk away either. sometimes the narc has been given custody. js.

The Nac as a messenger of our own emotional wounds; I do love the idea.

I have effectively defeated my narcissistic ex. I exposed her badly and then I went no contact. I healed and detached my self emotionally. And I started my channel and since doing so, two more new sources of supply have contacted me to thank me for my videos that warned them about her behaviour. She disappeared from our mutual social scene. I feel good about that.

I've cut a few narcissist's out of my life. It's much harder to do though, when they are family. I would try every way possible to help, only to be told I didn't have a clue, or that I was trying to act smart for attention, etc. After a while, you begin to realize you are caught up in a game with this person and they don't want to end it quickly. They want to drag it on as long as humanly possible, making you feel as miserable as they possibly can, while you watch that person constantly be hypocritical. Some can be dangerous if you threaten to ignore them or remove them from your life, even more so if you actually do.

Great information! Healing yourself for yourself is the best action we can take ! The hard part is identifying the wounds and fixing them .

This one really hit home. Sometimes the answer we look for is not always what we expect. Thank you so much.

It makes so much sense for me when I look at the lessons that a narcissist actually teaches us. It's been very hard for me to do but I know their purpose in my life is to teach me to love myself fully.

If the weakness is granchildren and the narc plays on it and uses their children as pawns,you cannot heal.You hurt to the core of your being You feel that loss.You grieve.

My late father was a narcissist. I could not beat him. I kept my distance from him as much as possible. I had to learn how to forgive him in order to free myself. Forgive means to give up ALL expectation of the narcissist ever making amends or feeling sorry for or apologizing for their damage. Eventually, my dad suffered karma in his physical body for withholding love from me and he passed away. But once, before he died, I watched him get hurt by someone the way he had hurt me. But that didn't happen until after I had DETACHED emotionally from him. So keep your distance, forgive (give up expecting them to make things better) and detach.

It's rather difficult to handle multiple narcissists who are attacking you at the same time. Everything is amplified several times over. Your words are very true, I could fully identify with what you were saying in your videos about narcissism.

You ma’am are a blessing to SO many! These are the wisest words I’ve ever heard! I just found you yesterday and I’m one week in to hypnosis to heal my traumas and honestly in one weeks time he has tied his own noose, dug his own grave and as we speak I’m sure he’s building his own coffin. I’m so ready to kick that chair out from under him! Thank you Universe! Infinite thanks and love! 🤩

If you sink to their level, they get their fix...They think "see what a terrible person he/she is and I how much am good/better I am?!" DON'T DO IT!!! You end up feeling horrible and evil grows. This bitterness will eat you away inside.

As an Aries empath .. I thank you . I needed this. I needed to hear this . 😊😊 Good Vibe Tribe

Omggggg it makes soooo much sense !! Never looked at it this way!! Do in essence don't bother trying to fight them and instead heal yourself they will never change!!

Wow. This changed my perspective! What the enemy meant for evil, God meant for my good! 🙌

There is a saying. What goes around, comes around. When a narcissist does whatever they feel like doing and acting they are in the top stars, eventually something happens that will make them realize they are not all that and they will make a mistake on what they plan to do.

It sucks when the narcissist, ego crazy, person is your mom. She's very difficult to avoid.

Thank you Melanie. This is profound and key to recovery for me personally. After 20 years of living with and 15 years of being married to a narc, and losing every shred of my sanity, I have finally discovered it's me that allows the cycle to continue. I knew something was deeply wrong but I did not become aware of NPD until recently. All the lists of behavior and patterns are an identical match! Even knowing that alone at least gives me some peace of mind that I'm not crazy. You do your homework and start being mindful of not engaging, not taking the bait and you gain a little more sanity every time. When you get the Revelation that even genuinely wanting it to work out and doing everything within your power to resolve issues is a waste of your time and energy....... actually just think about that.....never being able to resolve anything is their agenda. It's the fuel they're sucking. That's why your work and effort and even pure heart is no match. If there are resolved issues, there is no fuel = they die. They don't want to face their pain. Instead what they've chosen is to project it onto you so they can inflict pain which somehow in their sick minds helps them feel less powerless and diverts their attention from feeling their own pain. But just as Melanie pointed out if we ourselves are whole and healed and free from our own woundedness we have NO NEED to look to these people to give us what we lack. I pray for all of you who feel trapped in a situation with a narc because when you stop supplying them they make your life extremely miserable, especially if you live together and have no way to quickly get out on your own. But how was your life before??? I just want to tell you that YOU are not responsible for their happiness, only your own. I know they are good at making you feel like it's your fault everything is coming up short but it's NOT YOUR FAULT that they don't take responsibility for the health of their own mental state. They don't want to get well, they want someone to blame and to enable them and validate their inability to move forward. Your ability to always believe and hope for the best is exactly what's fueling this thing. They see your loyalty and that's why they chose you. The complete story of a narcissist is " Woe is me!!!" That's it! The end. Where are the stories of " I overcame that in my life when ( fill in the blank )" or " I grew as a person when " ??? They enjoy telling their sad stories why would they trade for new ones?? No matter what they SAY look at what they DO. You will know a tree by its FRUIT. Even if you don't believe in the Bible that saying holds true. A bad tree CANNOT produce good fruit. It just can't. I didn't mean to say so much. Maybe I just needed to get it out, but I hope at least that someone out there can identify with it and feel like they're not alone in the struggle.

I had been told my narcissistic mother was an angel in disguise and of course, I said "that's ridiculous" but this podcast is so right. Thank you

You are making this far too complicated. Love yourself and lose the reactive ego. No one else gives you your value. Disengage and don't play the game. They cannot play the game alone. I remove myself from negative and critical people, and go enjoy my day. Refuse to engage or react and go about your day without them.

It's hard when it's your own mother. Try not to repeat words too many times

Yes! Thank you for this enlightenment! Makes total sense. I see now how I can break this cycle... It's not about fighting/correcting those people it's all about taking the lesson and making myself better. The difficulty they presented was only a blessing in disguise. Thank you again for helping me with this!!! Peace and blessings 😘

How wonderful are you. The world needs your words of wisdom and healing. Tears are rolling down my cheeks as everything you say resonates to the core of my being.

"When you become self partnered and make it about your up-leveling ..." SPOT ON!!! In that environment, you can remain with a narcissist and employ them to help achieve your own goals or fulfill your own purpose. Powerful narcissists have unique skill sets that no one else has, that when used to your advantage can assist you in doing great things (hopefully helping the world, just for the record). But don't tell them that!

Iv come out of a narcissist relationship and i can tell you straight this was the worst person to ever come into my life. Destroyed me to the fullest, the pain and constant threats i realised was bringing out the worst in me that i was using any excuse possible to leave. Every time i tried to leave he would do something else to destroy me with and almost like i had to stay with this person otherwise he would do something else worse than the previous. He blamed me for everything; lied even when i had evidence of him asking women out on dates etc. He was always complimenting other women yet called me ugly. Damn he destroyed me that im seeking help through councelling.

You leave and cut all communication .Entirely.

I SWEAR I’ve read books and searched RU-vid to help me with this pressing issue and excruciating pain! I woke up today and resolved 44 years of pain in just 13 minutes watching this video . I don’t know who you are lady, BUT YOU SAVED MY LIFE and just answered the question I’ve begged of the universe and now I know, it’s listening!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😇

The best eye opening video I’ve ever seen that has brought such clarity to me! Yes, through doing everything in my power to save my marriage of 20yrs with a person like that HAS caused an amazing awakening within me and I AM healing all those painful, deep childhood wounds. So not only has his discard saved me from him, but also saved me from my old self!

Here's how you finish them off- Ask these questions in a calming manner: "Why would you say that?"; "What are you doing?"; "What's the matter?" That breaks them down smoothly & effectively.

Is totally worth it do what you got to do they might have win the battles but you're going to win the war

Melanie. I wish I could tell you how much I appreciate and love you. I wish I could give you a hug for all the work that you put in that has been so effective for people like me. I was with my son's dad for 15 years and suffered severe abuse and ever since after that I had another partner that broke me down even worse even quicker someone that I was very deeply in love with and knew I had to break my own heart and leave and then I had to do the healing but you talk about myself and I don't know if I could have done it without you. You may never understand the depth of my gratitude to you. Thank you for the tools that you have given me and the time you put in to create this for us!

This has truly helped me. The best way to upsmart the Narc is to heal yourself, your insecurities, your own issues. They have come into your life for a reason, to heal you, not to break you. That is how I will choose to look at the last 5 years.

Thanks Mel, it makes sense. I have been away from the narc for two months and only today have I accepted that I cannot win with this thing so I accept I lost and that gives me freedom. Sometimes one can win by losing. I will be going into therapy soon to heal my wounds. Although having said that I do feel I am coming back to my self. Thanks for your vids mel and your time. What an experience I have had but my god have I learned. X

MAN!!!!! You are THE BEST TEACHER REGARDING NARCISSISTS!!!! I Totally understood what you said and it made highly spiritual Truth!! I will watch your videos for a few months until I breathe this truth in. Peace!!

Holy moly! This is so helpful. I finally realize what the heck is going on in my relationship with my mom. I finally realized she's a narcissist 🤯

I tried changing the narc/sociopath I was with for omg 4 long dreadful yrs and battled back and forth but i only suffered more in the end ..Actually I believe he punished me even for even attempting it like silent treatments withholding sex and abandonment and cheating and pornography an stealing the more I made an issue out of what he was doing and how it hurt he added to the list of hurts ... It was awful and got worse .. I was with for 7 yrs and the last four was I was living his truth and not mine .. His truth was he wanted me miserable and that's what i was living but I wanted to be happy my truth .. Yes hey are angels in disguise and will beat one down til there soul is a dried up leaf that will crumble and blow away . Thank u melanie

This exact thing happened to me. My ex was a narc (aid) and his abuse mirrored my parents identically. Through him I realized I was emotionally abused by my family and manipulated and my unconscious wounds were pulled to the surface. I started going to therapy and got depression meds & began to heal and amazing things started happening to me. Plus it made me stronger and more aware of human behavior. Also caused me to get closer to God.

i've outsmarted him, and it brought a little relief to the fact that " you didn't really crushed me, you cannot crush me". He broke up with me, then he came back with a lot of nonsense excuses, lame, and I was getting very emotional, triggered, angry, and then I said to myself " let me play the game he is playing". So i detached from myself, I was really opened rather than being close. I made him feel like " I have her rapped around my finger, and it was so easy", and then boom I gave it to him. " Like, ahh, you thought we're gonna get back together? you thought that i bought what you said? It was just a game boy, your own medicine, I'm not getting back with you ever again". I cause him a narcissistic injury for sure. I got the final say in this. I played his game. This was all gods help and intervention through me. And I feel a little vindicated.

you are spot in with everything you described. I broke up with an alcoholic narcissist 12 days ago and what she has done to me in this time has given me sleepless nights. I am so glad to come across your video. She actually scares me and has become so aggressive that I ended the relationship. I have blocked her today but now I have no idea what she may do and its a terrible feeling. Thank God I never tried to challenge her

Outsmart them: walk away and stop giving them access to your jugular.