How to Practice Being Misunderstood 

If you´re on a healing process you should know and work on creating boundaries. Specially around dangeours people. I know that depends on privileges and every specific case because sometimes you can not only run from a place. There's always gonna be harmful people but you can't blame on yourself.

I get that - I've been in situations where I have put trust in someone for their expertise (medical doc or counsellor) and have been vastly misunderstood. It can be surprising when unexpected and sometimes you aren't ready for it!

Cristhiam López Arcia Absolutely. We can be Kind, Loving, Giving and Compassionate. But if you are with dangerous people who constantly harm you physically almost Everyday. Please know that you do not have to tolerate such circumstances, and set Clear Boundaries Right Now. It took me years to realise how important this is. Whoever is reading this: Please Do Not Wait, start loving yourself ‘’NOW’’. You deserve Better ☘️🌿❤️☘️) Sincerely and with all my love.

I feel you. The boss who doesn't give you a raise because he thinks you are lazy (his reality) but all the while you were trying hard/your best and think you are kicking ass (your reality) It happened to me a few times and seriously it sucks

Yeah like parents

Isn't that the truth.

absolutely!!!

Wow, that’s true. I guess that’s something I could stand to release. It feels so important to me. And therefore I also feel rather unfulfilled in many ways. Hmm.

Ok, Eckhart. 💕

Yes, I'd like to release that need to be understood. I can feel so awful when someone thinks badly of me and its a misunderstanding. Sometimes trying to explain can make it worse. Think I'll practice just letting it go. With a smile.

No, I mean being misunderstood.

@@TheHolisticPsychologist I ended up understanding what you meant and edited my comment accordingly. Thank you for replying :)

I struggle with accepting being misunderstood as well. I noticed that in the moment I adopt this black or white thinking: either they agree with me and I am validated, or they disagree with me and I am not validated. There is a third option however where they disagree with me and I still validate my feelings and experiences. I think self-validation and self-esteem are crucial in this matter. Nicole could you please make a video (if you haven’t already) on what to do when you need external validation?

@@sashamotovylets1753 I don’t know if you have already tackled this issue but I have found that it comes from something called emotional dependency.

I hope the split was smooth and safe!

Wow this is me rn

Absolutely

I wish I could too

me too! this video was spot on

With you there ❤️

Do you think compassion can be like being an 'understanding' person. 🤔

Great question. And me too. I grew up being praised for my verbal skills, and subsequently learned that if I am not understood...it’s my fault and I have to try harder. And when I cannot understand another...it’s still my fault. So reversing the questions and asking/observing myself re: what’s underneath my own misunderstanding. Judgments? Assumed meanings? Etc. Great stuff to add to a toolbox and patiently practice.

​@@canopenerboy Great insight from both of you. I was also the "perfectionist communicator" growing up, like you, Keith. And in return, I have been in many friendships and relationships in which I am expected (and try very hard to) mind-read. It's not only impossible, it's not fair to ourselves. Others also need to define their realities and boundaries to create a safe relationship experience. Every misunderstanding is an opportunity for self-reflection. I think what may be missing in this video is the degree to which you are misunderstood and the "fight" for clarity. I think this video is speaking specifically to the misunderstandings that leave us feeling like crazy people - when you are at a standstill and you feel like your view is being entirely dismissed. In effect, we're fighting to keep those people from doing to us what we are trying to do to them (convert their view). I feel like before you get to that standstill point, there is an opportunity to have a meaningful conversation - you can say, "When you say X, I take it to mean (put it in your own words). Is that indeed what you meant?" If you're way off the mark - what a gift. It can open up a world of self-reflection, and even closeness (if the other person is a "safe" person for you). Dr. Nicole does other work where she describes our triggers as "feeling the story of ____", and how that may distort our views. Super interesting stuff, and I highly suggest following her instagram if you haven't already. She's incredible.

Check the description of the video, her Instagram, and her self healers circle. Everything is availible if you want it.