Cool video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Literally the other day I went to my partner and said I would like to go on a date. I’m feeling like I need to be more emotionally connected to you and I feel going on a date would help and just spending a bit more quality time where we disconnect from our phones and focus on each other. My partner said okay Sounds like a good idea i’ll help you with the planning.
And if we’re totally honest with ourselves, we can all say that we’ve been on either one of those Spectrum ‘s and we’re guilty of them all, and being a woman I can say that I think we tend to bottle things up more after trying several times. And then that for sure leads to anger , so yes communication is key
My hub and I argue via text. I know it sounds odd, but having to put down our issues in writing helps us avoid the pitfalls of hasty words. We discovered it by accident, during a fight in which he drove off in a huff. I texted him, and suddenly, we were *talking*. Since we discovered this, we 1. fight less, and 2. avoid hurting each other while resolving disputes. Works for us.
@@lynnefox4892 That's creative problem solving. I'm glad you two figured it out! Me and my potential partner's issues stem from texting, unfortunately. He gets really sensitive if I don't constantly use emojis to convey I'm being lighthearted, even though most the time I'm lighthearted. And he thinks I'm mad when I use angry emojis, when I mainly use them to be silly 😅 It's exhausting, so I try to talk to him on the phone, but that can he difficult due to his schedule and it can make our insomnia kick in... we're long distance. Oof.
@@lynnefox4892We used to do this, but since he got a brain injury/brain damage, he sees insults and attacks that aren't there no matter how careful I am. It really sucks because I am much more open and find discussing things much easier in text, but it just causes pain and anger on both sides now.
I believe in this case, you need to start getting to know your partner (or each other) better again. If mutual vulnerability is an issue in the relationship, then either work together to fix it and build up that openness, or consider that they may not be the right person for you. Of course, the third option is to compromise and stay, (possibly constantly hurting) but if I’ve learned anything from these vids, communication is the biggest key to finding out if the relationship is worth it
For anyone curious number 1 is "blame and accusations" or insisting one partner is always at fault/the reason that these conflicts keep happening in the first place. He makes a sarcastic joke about how it's a great way to get someone to understand your inner world. (Cause people are highly known for responding positively and with curiosity when being made entirely at fault and to blame for issues/being "the bad one" in a relationship")
Wow. I have to admit I start fights when he won't communicate. Or I am still learning how he communicates. Much more subtle than my over-educated brain. I'm in relationship boot camp. This time, I have to be vulnerable & I want to be anything but vulnerable. I got a case of the "what ifs". I found myself in the Lions Den. Pretty sure Daniel just rolled with it.
OMGosh, you just described my entire childhood and this is why I have an ex-sibling. 8 years older than me and still doing this bullish*t. I have peace now. Fabulous work, Jimmy. xxxx
Don't forget "you're just like your mother!" My husband made a comparison once and I lost it. He was lovingly trying to bring awareness to my behavior because I have been working on my trauma. He didn't know how escalated my emotions were at that moment. We were able to talk through it pretty easily because we were connected already.
I was married to a narcissist. And after a while I was forced to do #4 because I knew his intent from going through the abuse over and over again. What he did kept me in a constant state of fight or flight, which i am now trying to unwind from. He did all of these to me. I am not saying i never did anything wrong, or couldn't have done things differently, but honestly even if i was perfect I didn't think it would've mattered. He always had something to beat me down about, or would gaslight me to the point where I would literally feel dizzy and exhausted, and not know the truth about what happened anymore after the conversation was over. There's no preventing fights with someone like that. Unfortunately it took me 20 years to get my head back and figure that out.
Thanks Jimmy, your videos have allowed me to step back while in a conversation with my daughter and really listen to her. When i can remember, i ask myself how can i be helpful to both of us 😊
#5 is a deadly combo when put with the autistic difficulty to identify feelings in the first place and the trauma response of straight up ignoring feelings anyway because it's too difficult to handle. This is why I avoid relationships lmao
I want to send this to my wife, but ik it'll start an argument; although she can send me vids n podcasts about what she listens to n how I can benefit from them.
Why is that? Do you feel not safe to without it being a heated exchange? Is there something your partner does to contribute to holding things in or has this been a pattern before you two got together?
I presume this advice is meant to apply to healthy partnerships that maybe just have some issues that can be sorted out. If they are constantly cheating and lying then it's best to make a plan to leave. Find another partner that actually respects you or spend some time single to process your emotions and reconnect with yourself.
With my husband it’s not about the geralisations it’s about being very very precise about anything, your choice of words and facts and our personal historical accuracy …
That...kinda reads like perhaps one or both of you don't give much grace for misunderstandings. I could be wrong, it's just what came to mind when you mention needing to be specific as an issue
I don't think the point is that either person is "the problem" but that we're all fallible in one way or another, part of being human. So we should seek better ways of healthy communication and problem solving
"Why give them the benefit of the doubt when you know they did this on purpose?" I KNEW IT! this confirms all of my feelings to be correct, much like Fox News. Yes, I am so great...
But what if someone is actually a narcissist? Like you would want them to care about you but they dont because they only care about themselves. I think its reasonable to feel like the last thing you said in the video. We get mad at narcissists for a reason.
If they're a narcissist they don't care about you and they don't want you, they want you to become a whatever character they want you to play in their delusional fantasy reality
@@AkiIka-j5d Yes thats why I say its resonable to think the last thing he said in the video. I dont think labels help but there are certainly very selfish people out there and its justified to be mad at them for lack of cooperation/social behaviour. I understand that kind communication matters but sometimes you just need to be mad at narcissist/selfish people. Being kind to selfish people doesnt feel right.
Hey @jimmyonrelationships, will it be of interest to you to do a video on failure to communicate during the early dating process, such as not responding in a timely manner to an invitation, ghosting, hot and cold, etc? Thanks
Something like "hey I noticed that [person X] went to ER and you didn't ask about it at all. I'm wondering why, it makes me fear you haven't asked because you don't care about them." ect
What do you do if you try to bring things up in a vulnerable way, but are immediate shut down every time. How do you keep it from becoming rage at a certain point?
Reevaluate if you want to stay in such a relationship. If your attempts to connect and express your needs are constantly ignored or chastised why stay in the relationship at all?
Yeah unless you say something like "hey I feel like we end up fighting too much instead of communicating, I came across this I hope we could communicate better because I don't like fighting". Without context it might seem like an attack
Foster healthy communication, learn to be forthcoming about your feelings and issues with your partner, try and see their perspective in good faith and that what they want is a mutually enjoyable relationship with you even if they disagree, and don't one sidedly blame them or make them out to be the villain in your life (which doesn't mean to blame yourself as it's not a zero sum game but rather look for was both of you can make the relationship better/understand and meet each other's needs more). And if you find yourself in a relationship where you have tried these approaches only to be repeatedly unheard, given empty promises, or feel like you are emperically one sidedly putting in effort into things then reevaluate if the relationship is for you. You are allowed to leave, it doesn't make you a bad person and no one is owed a relationship. Lastly therapy, if you have struggled with these in the past and they carry over to future relationships get therapy because that isn't fair to your current partner or yourself.
Have you been watching us?😂 I just love these short, funny videos that you do. They are spot on. The question is why do we keep doing that? I’ve been studying your videos for over a year now and I make some progress, but the old patterns just come back again and again again. I’m starting to think I’ll never be able to change even though I see what needs to change.😢
Patterns don't emerge out of nowhere or remain out of nowhere. If you touch a hot lid and it stings you pull your hand away. No one eats cookies to purposely be unhealthy, they do it because cookies taste good and all that sugar is chemically addictive. What I'm getting at is it's likely there's something in your pattern of behavior that's serving you (either to meet something or to avoid something). So what need/want does your choices meet? What outcomes are you trying to avoid? What is on your mind when you engage in your behaviors?
@@ajregalia1334 that is correct, I have been examining that for years. Self-pity, victim hood, it’s a negative form of validation from my childhood. Raised by my grandparents who spoiled me. It’s crazy. I see it. I just don’t know what to do instead, but I am working on it. Therapy, courses, books. I am open and authentically doing the work. It’s just very challenging and sometimes exhausting.
@@inspired2rv661 Believe me I get that feeling. I'm curious how they spoiled you and what your dynamic was with them (were you able to be feel open expressing flaws? Was that coddling from them conditional based on you carrying yourself a certain way or being seen a certain way from them? How reliant on them or others are you still? Questions like these) Wishing the best for ya!
@@ajregalia1334 I have examined all of that so many times. It’s complicated and I appreciate your curiosity. They are gone now from the physical world, but they are close in spirit. The relationship I have with myself is the most challenging. as I sit in silence with myself, I find all the answers I need, but when I come out of the silence and into the world, I just keep acting the way I always did or perhaps the people around me just see me the way they expect to. It’s a conundrum.
@@ajregalia1334 remember that show, nanny 911? I wish there was a JIMMY 911. He comes to your house and watches the dynamic between you and your spouse and then sits down with both of you and tells you what to do and helps you change your patterns. I would love that!!!🥰 I’m sure he doesn’t have time for that 🤣 I just realized something from that conversation, I’m not taking a responsibility. I want someone else to fix it. 🤔 I’ll sit with that for a while, thank you for the conversation.🥰
