So the main takeaway from this is: be honest and don’t hide your feelings in fear that the other person won’t care or that you’re overreacting. Your feelings and emotions are valid.
Just be careful who you do that with. I may be biased, but in my experience most people will double down on their emotional manipulations if you show this kind of vulnerability. I hope I can eventually find people who will respond well to it.
The best thing my therapist has ever said to me was, "noone ever truly knows what someone else is thinking". So if you don't speak up, you really can't ever expect the other person to know. We are all the centre of our own world's
@@lucasw.4282 But it's not. Not everyone knows how to express or even what they're feeling. The comment above yours is a very gentle reminder that I love.
@@lucasw.4282 yeah no I had the thought „I’m sorry, you needed a therapist to explain that to you…?“ which fair enough if you’re a kid but what has gone so wrong (or perhaps, so right…?) that you’ve grown to full adulthood never having had the original thought „other people have their own brains“
@@RobertFalconer1967 thats just wrong bud , not all women are the same!? Why do ppl just stick with oh gosh women are like this and men are like this by just experiencing with a single person , nobody defines nobody Plus i dont think so that your right , because women always look for a softheart in the inside
@@Raphsophomes I’d define self love as the realization that all you need at the end of the day is you. It’s a tough concept and it might be different for many people. How would you define it? I’m curious!
@@maryphantomhive7310 i think its dramatically more complex and contrasted then that. Self love is being able to forgive every part of you, and seeing yourself in others and being able to not pity, but empathize with them and yourself. Self love is being able to stab your other self through the heart without hate or malice, self love is painful and tragic. Love isnt merely compassion or content or appreciation, love is a feeling tied to empathy and is accompanied by various other feelings positive or negative. Its the feeling you get when your torturer has a moment where you feel for them shamefully. It can be uncomfortable and it can render everything you believe or value meaningless. Self love, is self actualization, a lifelong journey that most fail on. Its a struggle, it means a million different things that change a million times every second... its not temporary, or a fleeting feeling, or a knowledge or insight, its complicated and difficult and should be portrayed as such. When most people say "self love" they usually mean the act of repression or diluted reassurance of a false sense of self they use to cope with unresolved issues internally and externally. Being content with being alone is good but not if its a contrived act of escapism, that is self neglect not self love.
@@Raphsophomes Omg, someone else gets it! Thank you for sharing your thoughts about this. I completely agree with you. Self love is an ongoing process that you consciously have to choose to continue doing and it’s not based on only feel-good, safe and comfortable conditions. It’s raw and candid and requires a focused determination to not be sloppy about it. Whenever I have dared to share my thoughts about this with someone, I get a look that says I spend way too much time thinking about these things, or they can’t change the subject fast enough. More often than not though, the other person responds in a way that reveals they didn’t hear, or want to hear, a word I’d said. I’m glad to know there’s another soul out there in real-time that thinks contemplating such things is worth doing.
I agree that honesty and being open with a partner is always the best policy, and that repressed feelings are likely to cause bigger problems down the road. However, I believe some self-reflection before expressing any upset over a perceived sleight is necessary so as to best interpret and then communicate what your feelings are and to what degree. Also determining whether it’s an appropriate response because maybe it’s related to another situation or person or your own feeling of inadequacy somehow and your partner is just a more convenient target to release any frustration upon. This should also be done when your partner is honest with you about feeling hurt. Are you really listening and sincerely trying to sympathize, or are you immediately constructing a plan of defensive attack? Do you want your partner to share themselves honestly with you, or are you only fooling yourself when you say you do? How you respond to your partner’s willingness to be vulnerable is more important than how you say you do. Everyone has to be honest with themselves and understand their own internal emotions before it’s possible to do either with another, especially if you want a foundation of trust and don’t want to cause any emotional injury. It’s perfectly ok to pause before responding to be thoughtful prior to reacting.
I applaud you so much. I once had this convo with my friend and I shared the very same sentiment with her. Reflection is caution, and everybody should PRACTICE it because most times an immediate response isn't wise. The response can take a while too to be said depending on the type of partner you have.
Yes it is ok to pause and think about the situation but while doing so you don't need to sulk. That is what this video means what I understood. Then after the process you are either really fine with the situation or you are not. And if you find out that it's not ok for you then you talk about it honestly in a calm educating manner. The problem arises when you are yourself unsure or even you are sure that you are not ok with something but still not being truthful to your partner rather you giving slight hints that you are mad but telling you are fine when asked.
You forgot to mention that people (consciously or unconsciously) choose this approach because they have clearly communicated their feelings in the past and been met with invalidating, minimizing, dismissive, or even belittling behavior in return. In order for people to share frankly their hurts, it needs to be safe to do so. Would love to see a video educating people on how to appropriately and lovingly respond when your partner brings a concern to the table, but then again the sorts of jerks who do that probably wouldn't watch it anyway. Ask me why I prefer to stay single! 😆 Much more peaceful.
Communication even a failed attempt in practice and repetition teaches comprehension. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Sulking is EXTREMELY toxic to both people. Better to practice and try again next day, don’t hold grudges just try again and try better again. It’s necessary for couples growth. Systematic work pays off, tho it requires patience and practicing of letting incidents go/ but communicating what went wrong in a most respectful way possible ( doing your best at delivery, but mistakes are inevitable). No couple firs like a puzzle. If you quit the work and sulk you’ll not succeed, it leads to resentment and poisoning of love... and invalidated own feelings and diminished self worth. most incidents and resentment is anyway about what we make it mean about ourselves. That’s not even true.
I couldn't agree more. So often I bring a concern or desire to my partner and am met with his defensive "game" because he takes my ask to mean that he is lacking.
To the *worthwhile person* seeing this, your dream is not dead. Don’t allow the past and current pains and hurts stop and define you. You’re more than a conqueror. Rise up and put yourself together. Keep pushing your future depends on it. I wish you all the best in life ❤️.
indeed it's a great privilege to be in love with a true adult who can tell you what is wrong precisely when a problem occurs - and is brave enough to present themselves as weak. but in addition, communication and comprehension have to go hand in hand
Trying to communicate your feelings in a way that doesnt immediately antagonize the person that caused it is a skill. It always helps to remember that its you & your partner against the problem, and never against each other. Wishing you the love that you deserve, whoever is reading this. ❤️
Don´t you sometimes feel the need to express your emotions, yet it just feels empty?, like you don´t have any emotions to express. I'm having a lot of issues with this.
I’m an imperfect lover. I love deep and hard. I didn’t have the greatest role models. My relationships end and then it’s me with me again. I understand this in theory but sometimes I can’t get the words out on what I truly want to say. Then it builds up and I explode it all out. I feel shame and guilt afterwards. I’d love to have kids but, I don’t feel fit in the mind for them. I wish I was. I’m doing my best to be better. Some days are better than others. Take it easy out there
This hits home. Badly. My last relationship with this wonderful person ended out of not fully expressing discomfort and upset. Love got so eroded over time that finally turning to honesty after one last event almost 100% meant breakup. I was the one that ended things and was "playing" the dishonesty game. "Playing" goes with the quotations marks as it is or seems involuntary. You're hopelessly repeating a dynamic you want to turn around but every time you don't it gets harder to do so. I'm learning.
I respect you for admitting it. lots of people are justifying and excusinf this behavior as if they're innocent or traumatized. they all aren't. bottom line is honesty with yourself and the willingness to accept and grow is commendable. not everyone who plays games is a victim (I know u didn't say that)..
The same thing happened to me. I always thought my partner was happy in the relationship, but in reality, they were not and just hiding their true feelings and issues. This went on for months, eventually resulting in her ending the relationship. It shocked me as I was completely blindsided, and she was beyond her limits. I tried hard to repair our relationship, but until then, it was too late as she felt suffocated and found someone "BETTER"
I have had the opposite of this problem with one person. I was openly honest about my feelings and I was shut down. I was told that it is selfish to drag someone along with the narrative I create from my hurt feelings. So this then forces me to not express myself properly. Exhausting
Just because you make the effort to be vulnerable and communicate your injury in an effective way doesn't mean you're entitled to a change in behavior. That person might not be able to accommodate your needs. If they don't have the will to grow, leave them.
@@sferrari81 Yes 🙏You're so right. I will say though I didn't and wouldn't feel 'entitled' to a change in behaviour. More so a need for a healthy discussion without shutting me down. If they feel like they don't need to change and if I feel that I can't stay with someone continuing to behave that way. Then I would leave.
How dare you??? It's all about ME! I don't have time for your needs and you have to give ME all of your time and effort. Been there, lived that. I had a mild stroke and I needed support from her so she took off right away to find another man to take care of her needs. So if you're dealing with a narcissist, then they walk on water and must be the centre of attention at all cost. Giving emotional support doesn't fit in their self idolization frame of mind therefor can't be bothered with it. Good luck.
Not only in romantic relationships. Siblings and roommates can behave like this also, which I believe can be even more challenging to deal with. Passive aggression is a terrible thing.
Yes, people want their mind and feelings read, but not just for efficiency or out of laziness. I think the fact that most of us have relational trauma should be taken into consideration. It's so hard when life has trained you to fear punishment or criticism or indifference re: expression of hurt or need.
People who usually don't speak up when are being hurt are often people who don't want to bring tension to the relationship (fear of confrontation) or are afraid of a violent reaction from the other (have you seriously never heard of domestic violence?). They're not playing games. This would be a perfect excuse from a gaslighter: "How can I read your thoughts and find out I was hurting your feelings?". Usually they know very well what they're doing, they just take advantage from the silence to keep doing it or to see how far the other will allow. The best relationships are when you feel always at ease because someone cares for you, not when you feel like you have to hide your feelings for being afraid of someone's reaction.
Good point. When I find myself shutting down around someone I understand that I don’t feel comfortable enough around them to communicate basic needs. So, maybe I’m right and it’s best to move on and find people who are not so hard to talk to?
That's when you come in and look if the person you are talking to is a gaslighter. Vulnerability is a good thing because it allows you to open up to others, but at the same time, it's your responsibility to call people out and notice red flags when these things happen. Another thing is that not everyone who "pushes" people is a gaslighter. Some are just terribly ignorant, or are in the process of fixing their erroneous habits. Of course, if they are gaslighting you or they cannot change or commit enough, you always have the choice to let go.
this is no always the case for everyone. some people are immature and choose to sulk and withhold even when they are safe. they CHOOSE this for whatever reason and expect people to figure it out. that was my experience. it was stressful, left me confused and blind sighted. they knew they could talk to me and they failed to and made it my fault and problem. no. he was passive aggressive. don't tell me that isn't playing games. it is.
I'd venture the most sulking occurs not because the person is afraid to expose themself, but because the OTHER partner (and previous partners) have exhibited narcissistic responses to honesty in the past. Hard to say "I'm upset because of X" when it's always responded to with "Well, I did that because you Y & Z...". People in relationships with someone who can own his/her mistakes don't tend to sulk. Sulking is born of a fear that you won't be heard. It usually comes back to the other person. That said, sulking can become ingrained, as can our fears of not being heard or fears of gaslighting. Fight the fear and find someone who won't diminish you when you have legitimate emotions. Also, just *how* you present your 'beef' with someone can easily trigger a narc response. If you come across as overly blaming, expect to get a defensive response.
I really do this, say things as plainly as i can in the nicest way I can. Later, when i end up in a disagreement, it's "Why are you so mad all the time?" When I have communicated, and gotten ignored for a long while. I am fighting to reframe my boundaries, and demand my boundaries be respected, and for some of the people in my life it's coming across as a bit startling, because I wasn't always like this. I was the person who twisted themselves into knots to please, to little/no reward. I am not that person anymore.
Weaponized sulking is used to make you feel like you have done something wrong even if you haven't. Being vulnerable is a good trait and anyone who would make you feel otherwise is not worth your time.
It is also a primitive manipulation tactic that children use to get their way. Adults who are pursuing a relationship should probably not play emotional games like petulant children.
This one it’s painful for me… I know I do this sort of things frequently, hiding my fillings and sulking away. I think there’s a deeper thought that says “you will not be loved if you show this about yourself” “probably you are the one who is being to sensitive about this, let it go, or you will be abandoned”, and that stops a lot of us from actually expressing our inner feelings. It’s not an excuse, it’s an explanation I came up for my self after trying to analyze the issue, and maybe it’s useful for someone else. Anyway… thanks for the video! I’ll do my best to stop sulking
Have you ever tried expressing these unacceptable feelings in a lighthearted way so you don't have to keep them bottled up? Make a joke about it but make sure people know you're hurting? For example, your homie gets a churro for his girl and himself, but not you. You sniff his churro. He's like "bro, did you want one?. You're like "naw, man. I'm good." You sniff his churro again. You're like "for reals, I'm good bro." You try to take a bite of his girlfriends churro. It's a ridiculous example but you get the idea. Maybe making the whole ordeal less intense will make it easier for everyone?
@@sferrari81 yeah but sometimes ppl just take it as a joke (which it really is) and think nothing of it, ive been joking about my stuff for a long time and its not really a good option tbh its just better to be straight up abour it and if the person really cares for you, you will notice changes
Staying true, kind, compassionate, loving and authentic, is the key here. Unfortunately most of us have never been taught these these ways of being, and would rarely have seen these combined ways of being practiced so we can copy such behaviour. It requires a good level of self-awareness, growth and commitment to being a certain way in all areas of your life, so that when you're under stress, what comes out is this new learned habit as a way of being, and not the previously toxic way of being that was a previous habit. I wish everyone the best in practicing these new ways of being until it becomes habit, especially under stress.
This is suitable for people who are lucky enough to develop proper feel of personal boundaries. Most of us don't have that and therefore I wonder if the advice to speak up immediately could do more harm than good.
That's never my issue. I am usually excessively forthcoming, and I expose all of my vulnerabilities. I told my wife that I was going to marry her on our second date (at least I waited, I knew i was going to marry her after our first date). We are happily married for 18 years now.
This seems to be predicated on mentally and emotionally healthy people consciously taking these actions (which most emotionally and mentally healthy people don't do) and ruling out that the people that are acting in such a manner are people that are dealing with stunted emotional development or have some form of personality disorder. (which most of the people that have that issue require professional therapy to help) Never attribute malice to a situation, when the answer could quite likely be incompetence (or in this case, a simple inability to do otherwise).
I think the part about provoking guilt instead of being honest is very true. You want to see the partner apologise without you having to play the role of the bad guy. But it is increasingly damaging to both if you are constantly sulking instead of stating your truths. Now the truths may be distorted and even just plain wrong and unfair, but that's were the part about being polite comes in. You can say what's on your mind without blaming or nagging, you can start with conveying feelings and then sharing the intention to make changes for the best, on both sides. And then a constructive conversation can start taking place.
I don’t care, If I love someone I will just say whatever I feel whenever I feel as long as am being careful not to hurt the other person. What’s the point of being in a relationship if you can’t be honest with the other person?
I try not to. I think it's important not to play games with yourself either. Put out there what you think about the other person so you don't waste too much time if they don't want the same thing as you do.
@@tahsina.c ...... I agree. I think this is crucial. I'm 80 years old and I'm still working on doing this. I think I still have a lot of fear, caused by early repressive conditioning, in me.
More often it can be difficult to speak our minds without the other misinterpreting it, and saying it nicely might not help. Unfortunately that can lead to it coming out in anger depending on how it's built up.
If you don’t feel comfortable about opening up to your partner about how you deeply feel about something, then that’s not the right partner for you! Find someone who values your feeling as much you value theirs!
A reworking of this with Nonviolent Communication insights incorporated would be great! Yes, I thank you for making this video to point it out and I agree, being able to be vulnerable, honest and direct is key to any healthy partnership! But another key to it is taking responsibility for our own feelings, moods and needs. It was briefly touched upon as needing to be "polite" while expressing hurt. I think that is a dangerously misleading, reductive way of putting it. Politeness is not crucial but taking responsibility is. Statements like "You've upset me." tend to invite and initiate not an honest, constructive dialogue but a manipulative, blame focussed argument, which is yet another way of playing games in relationships. Statements like "I am upset." "I need XYZ." "Please, do XYZ." are more open, neutral, less judgemental and avoid the fatal misconception that there is a causal relationship between the actions of others and our feelings about them.
3:00 It depends. Sometimes some things are just, or should be, clear as fuck as boundary crossing, and doesn't need to be brought up. Lying, gaslighting, falsely accusing someone, dismissing someone, hurting someone, crossing the line... may not need to be brought up. If in a trusted partnership, yes... but if in a less intimate relationship, or where trust has been broken too much, it may not need to be brought up because they crossed the line so badly, and it is obvious to most reasonable people who can self-reflect.
"It is the greatest privilege to be in love with an ADULT...." That part. Edit: WHOA😃! Most likes one of my comments has EVER received on RU-vid! Thanks y'all!
I Have Adult Videos And Pictures baby-girls.my.id 🍑 Megan: "Hotter" Hopi: "Sweeter" Joonie: "Cooler" Yoongi: "Butter" Asi con toy y sus mañas no se la lease que escriba bien mamon hay nomas pa ra reirse un rato y no estar triste y estresado.por la vida dura que se vive hoy . Köz karaş: ''Taŋ kaldım'' Erinder: ''Sezimdüü'' Jılmayuu: ''Tattuuraak'' Dene: ''Muzdak'' Jizn, kak krasivaya melodiya, tolko pesni pereputalis. Aç köz arstan Bul ukmuştuuday ısık kün bolçu, jana arstan abdan açka bolgon. Uyunan çıgıp, tigi jer-jerdi izdedi. Al kiçinekey koyondu gana taba algan. Al bir az oylonboy koyondu karmadı. ''Bul koyon menin kursagımdı toyguza albayt'' dep oylodu arstan. Arstan koyondu öltüröyün dep jatkanda, bir kiyik tigi tarapka çurkadı. Arstan aç köz bolup kaldı. Kiçine koyondu emes, çoŋ kiyikti jegen jakşı dep oylodu.#垃圾
How incredible that you TSOL have told us many times and in different ways what we are doing wrong in a relationship, when all we want is to be loved and understood, and we “imperfect humans” keep repeating the same mistakes… Both parties need to stop playing games, and sadly there is always one who falls into it.
I once told my ex that I don't want him accepting calls from other girls and leaving me alone in the room during our time together. He didn't stop, he just hid it better.
This is really great and useful, but I find that most of the time, my trouble stems from not clearly understanding what exactly has hurt me, or knowing how to articulate it properly. Sometimes I just get a vague feeling that they've stopped caring about me - but I can't quite place a finger on what it is that makes me feel so. Only much later (perhaps days) might I realise what made me feel that way (e.g. they ignored some of my direct-question texts, which I initially brushed off as being too petty for me to complain about) (e.g. 2: I was stressed out and exhausted from overworking, which made me rather unhappy without realising why; so I asked for love and reassurance but couldn't say exactly what it was that I wanted them to say to make me feel better). But by the time I've figured out my feelings, I've wasted days of overthinking and feeling unloved. Perhaps I need to be more mindful of the moments in which I get "triggered" so that I can be aware of what specifically bothers me, not brush it off or invalidate it, and instead express it clearly and rationally. Any advice?
Here are my 2 cents of advice. I am someone that had that problem. You need to get more in touch with/mindful of your feelings. You can do mindful meditation, you can also journal - a feeling or thoughts journal, not a list of things you did. You can take a bit of time regularly to check with yourself, to reflect on the emotions and feelings and understand the why. E.g. when my boss said this, I felt like that. And then questions the why. Maybe at the beginning the answers are simple and superficial, but as will all things, practice improves whatever you do. So don't be afraid to work on this, it will give your future self peace of mind. You don't have to get to the childhood traumas on the why, but just be able to understand in yourself want you like and what you don't, and then learn to be assertive in your communication about things, and not in a serious way
Good luck trying this communication with a narcissist. My father trained me to hold it in with his narcissism and later in life the same gas-lighting and fits of anger resulted with my narcissist wife. So yeah, good luck with that communication thing. And yes, I stay clear of narcs now.
It’s better to be honest and if the person says that’s just how I am, they are not grown enough or mature enough for you. Or they simply just don’t want you enough and aren’t willing to change. But don’t worry someone gave you that chance and someone will see for that of which you are worth(:
OOf i need this video. I have a bad habit of just leaving when i get triggered. I'm a lone wolf and travel the country by myself, i'm super independent so it's easy for me to act that way. but i crave love and partnership and i self sabotage by cutting people off as soon as they say/do something that hurts me, instead of communicating and trying to work things out.
I watched the video and followed the steps no result, until i came across a great spiritualist Dr Akunda. I can recommend you to this man who can help you out with your wishes any kind of wish you desire. I got results within 2days after contact with him.
oh wow, almost all of these "games" are things that I started to exhibit subconsciously when I started shutting down because my partner wouldn't talk to me when I tried to talk to him about important stuff. he would even fall asleep while I sat next to him crying because he wouldn't talk to me. I'm autistic and have severe depression and PTSD (etc) and it seems like after a while, rather than help guide me through distress like he had lovingly done in the past, he just "got used to" my distress and stopped caring/responding to it.
great video on a very important topic! just a friendly reminder from my side that direct-, open-, and goal-oriented communication are the most important concepts in any relationship to other people (: thanks for creating interesting and visually satisfying content for all of us ✌
All this is good and there is also a bit I think is missing: if you open yourself and the other side shows indifference or says something along the lines “you are being DIFFFICULT”, then it is not your fault. You should not blame yourself, and you should not remain there. It is okay to walk away. Learned this the hard way in several relationships trying to convince my partners of my feelings.
Honestly, i thought it’s about how to quit gaming when you’re in relationship, and i was like: “why would you need to stop gaming, just find someone who shares your passion or at least isn’t bothered by it”.
Meet Dr Akunda he will help you to solve your problems. Need help I can recommend you to a very and power spiritual man who can help you because you can't do this your self .....I have tried no result But this powerful man helped me manifest money and made my wishes come through by getting my Ex lover back too.
Thank you for breaking this down. If we could somehow evolve to communicate without words and be telepathic... problem solved!! Society teaches us to hide, to wear masks, to pretend everything's OK and be positive all the time. As if every negative emotion is toxic. What's toxic is not expressing it, not accepting our roller coaster lives, not embracing our human condition.
I love how it shows that some of us resort to tarot card readings instead of expressing our feelings. I’ve done this before and the readings only inflamed my insecurities especially when I’m in a vulnerable place, unable to figure out what is bothering me and how best to deal with it.
If you're in a long term 5+ year relationship, you both should know what upsets offends one another. "Feigning ignorance" about an issue discussed 10xs is also a common game. Often a spouse will say- "you're doing saying this on purpose to upset me, or you're stupid for stil not knowing that upsets me (or anyone).
This is not that easy for autistics. Especially for non verbal autistics like I was some time ago. I was so much in love with that particular chap that I thought I couldn't breath without him but I couldn't communicate in the normo typical way. So I painted all my messages and gave him the paintings. But he didn't understand anything which left me in agony. Some time later he told me to start writing everything down, which I have been doing since then. I have been writing since 2017. We are both empaths and can tune into each other's souls. He knows immediatly when something is not ok with me just by feeling.
4:10 I identify as a person who felt this „need to be understood without words“ and I genuinely believe it came from growing up in a house where talking about feelings was not allowed, FEELING feelings felt like it was not allowed… but still wanting, needing to be understood and your poor lil brain ends up just fantasising about people knowing how you feel without you having to put yourself in the firing line. I’m v grateful I’ve learned to grow out of this habit cause honesty is the best policy!
I wish everyone would just say black and white if I've hurt them as it would give me the opportunity to explain my actions or intentions 👍But I have been disappointed with people's responses before when I've vocalised my hurt with them, but pleased with others. Maybe I didn't say it soon enough or it came across accusationary at times... Maybe I need more sensitive or kinder people around me to meet my needs?! I think the outcome depends on whether or not the person is kind or whether they will twist it back on you. I love that TSOL raises these important issues making me feel less alone or weird💖
It's late and I'm going to bed so I won't give the back story to this, but my therapist told me once "It's a pitty to love only under the condition that the other person should be like a child". He was referring to childish Vs adult forms of love ("childish" not used in a demeaning or ridiculing way, but in a literal way). I will be mining this for meaning for many months to come.
we should all read the book "attached" and aim to behave as secure individuals .. life would be much easier, not only in regards to romantic relationships
But, how do you know you are not being needy, it can get very confusing- wondering whethere what you're feeling is normal or that you are just being needy. its torturous to just be fighting all the time with your own feelings and needs for the other's attention and complete involvment in everything you want.
It definitely is confusing, and can be hard to sort out. But I think the general idea of "being needy" often comes up in relationships that are still rooted in "playing games", where you're not expressing your true needs and feelings with each other. Everyone has needs, and unfortunately they don't always mesh perfectly with your partner's needs. A huge step is being able to normalize opening up and actively pursue safe, vulnerable communication. You may need more affirmation, physical closeness, or reassurance from your partner than they need from you. It can seem "needy" if you try to get it without being upfront about needing or wanting it. But if you openly communicate your needs, and why they are important to you, chances are that your partner will be understanding. When you are vulnerable and genuine, it will likely make your partner feel comfortable opening up in the same way. Just some foods for thoughts.
This video needs to be seen by way more people. Especially here in the states. This is a HUGE problem is modern dating and I come across it, too much. And sadly, when I open up about something that bothers me, then they feel the relationship is ending and sometimes they initiate the break up. Yikes.
I can recommend you to some one who can help you out with your wishes any kind of wish you desire ...because I tried this several times but no result ....but this man helped me out in two days my wishes were fulfilled.
Sometimes, these kind of requests for favors are about establishing or extending the kind of relationship that it is. You could ask 'Where are we in this relationship?' but the actual physical action of getting the medicine is far more eloquent than any discussion, as is the act of forgetting to go pick it up. The sulking part is a kind of negotiation tactic to see whether the other partner is willing to take on the role of looking after two or more people other than him or her self. If you just come right out and say "I'm angry/hurt because you forgot the chore I sent you on', so I guess you don't care about me" . That can come off as pretty heavy handed, depending on how old the relationship is. It could very well drive a decent person away. If someone wants to force an on the spot evaluation of success failure rate, go with the national average, with a 1/3 divorce rate, the stats clearly say that it's a no go.
I failed showing what truly upsetted me in my first relationship, afraid of her reaction based on what I saw of her doing with her own family (heated discussions and stuff). When I did want to say anything about, I was already fed up and it was too late to sustain my love for her. As I wasn’t experienced about being a boyfriend, I ruminated about having someone who isn’t going to change her behaviors just because is moving to live with me. With that said, I broke up with her and never saw her again. We lasted six months together and it has been two years since then. Nowadays she is already in a relationship again and I’m still single, healing from things about my past and trying not to be anxious about still being this way. I hope I can find a girl who is truly open to lower her guard and pride, and really communicate, as I am willing to do it as well.
Thank you all for recommending Dr Akunda the great spell caster to the rest of us on here. If not for your recommendation I won’t have found help. He specializes in other stuffs like, lotto numbers, Abundant money, Bring Ex lover back, Banish Evil spell. you can be lucky too.
Other people do not upset us. We might get upset by others, there is a difference. Implied wrongness and confusion of where our feelings come from and who is responsible for them. Therefore, do not make it known someone has upset you, instead make it known you are upset, there is a difference and now you know what it is.
The Tarot cards ideia was really inspiring! It's noticeable that the filmmaker now the meaning the cards convey. Well, from now on, instead of asking the Tarot 'what's going on in my relationship 🤧", I'd better speak out. By the way, the idea of being truthful, direct and speaking out is The Page of Swords 😁😉
Word of advice…. Stop playing with your love life and people will stop playing around with you. Be upfront, honest, and ask questions. Know you will get your heartbroken and go thru a series of unpleasant feelings on the journey. The worst thing that happens is someone who wastes your precious time cause you were too afraid to get clarity.
I do it very often, unfortunetely. This video was eye opening. I do it hoping that my partner can pick up on my emotions or behaviour and will initiate the conversation.
I agree and don't agree entirely with this viewpoint. While it's true that we should strive to be open and honest, I think it's more complicated. We are not Vulcans. Love or any relationship is messy. Life is messy and it's glorious. If we were robots this advice would be easy to follow and sensical but we are are not. We get our feelings hurt or feel a certain way. Sometimes it's unavoidable to just react and I think it's okay. I think it's a good think just like anger can be good. Sometimes we need to vent, let off steam, sulk or whatever it is. Just as long as we don't make this into our entire eat of being. As long as we are actually honest the I think it's fine.
This shit is pure gold. Concise and powerful illustration of a very corrosive and often underestimated aspect of human behavior. Thank you. I'm going to show this video to my wife and it's going to bounce off of her psyche like a beetle deflecting off of the windshield of my truck at 85mph. Regardless, I feel a sense of relief. I might not be able to improve our relationship but at least I'm able to put a name to the thing that's shredding my fucking soul.
In time, games are replaced by manipulation. So much more accepting of the situation. Reality replaces hope and desire. The games are then taken on the road.
I read fast the title "How to Stop Playing the Games that We Love" while I was scrolling down and I said to myself.... no way I give up on my GAMES. So I scrolled up again, and thanks God it's not about the games. 😄
When burying our hurt or not communicating, Mit can be protection mode Bcs revealing the hurt may make the initial mean statement or insult escalate to more hurt from the same source. Like an avalanche. “So see you weren’t that sick enough for me to go get the Rx. You got it yourself”. Most adults are not mature in love.
Some people err on pushing their feelings under the rug -- this video is relevant for them to be honest and not passively aggressive. However plenty of other people err on actually being difficult and advocating for their feelings too strongly and after-the-fact regretting their actions. But yes, the bias of people on this RU-vid channel would be in the first category.
I tried that approach with my therapist. I told her that her being always late, missing an appointment without canceling it beforehand, then making another one, telling me to be on zoom in 10 mins and showing up 20 mins later instead didn't sit well with me and I wanted to talk about it. Boy did I get a push back. I was called rigid, I was told noone ever told her she was late, I was offered to find another one who has nothing else to do but be punctual. So not talking directly pays off if you want to keep peace and quiet and not get attacked in return.
As a therapist my heart goes out to you and I hope you find someone who treats you with the respect you deserve. That should never have happened to you.
That all sounds like a living hell. I had someone once tell me that they were going to go hang out with their very rich friends that they don't see too often. So I encouraged them to go see their friends. Turns out they weren't real, they were just tryin to get me to be jealous. Very sad.
