Sure. But a lot of women get instantly turned off and/or men over share. I know people will say I’m wrong or this or that and of course nothing is absolute. But men should find most their support from other men. Women need strong men. Just my opinion
@@WarHammer1989 We get turned off by "victim" mentality. We want to see men who can take responsibility for their role in whatever their vulnerability comes from. If it was in childhood, we want to hear how you've overcome it, and are a better person now because of it.
@@WarHammer1989 It's always safest to express a vulnerability that you're comfortable with. For example, someone I know expressed to me that he had never been in a fight, and never wanted to be. It can be anything as long as it's authentic. By starting small, you can determine whether or not you're talking to someone that will be sensitive to your vulnerabilities or someone who will exploit them.
@@sophiashekinah9872 all that makes perfect sense. And the same could be said the other way around. I don’t like hearing the victim stuff either unless there’s a message of strength attached to it. Some people treat their lives as if they’re just a leaf blowing in the wind. But I have much more sympathy for it coming from a woman then a man. But I hear what you’re saying.
This is absolute nonsense. There really are competent adults who don't have fears, don't have to express every need (women hate needy men), have no reason to lie, don't need to express every thought (but do express some of them) on social media, and tell people what they really think of them. Some of these competent adults are great leaders or build great companies. Are these people capable of enjoying honest, vibrant love? Of course. In fact, love between two truly competent adults is the best kind because they're not hiding behind a masquerade.
I feel almost the opposite. I don't have any mask to hide my vulnerability and so I can't relate to the game of pretence that's expected in the initial phase of a romantic relationship. I love too deeply, too soon, because I grew up in a lovable home and I was never far away from a safe hug. In a strange way, that makes me the weird one.
I had the opposite problem. My parents should never have met, much less had kids. All I remember is them screaming at each other. I had no role model and have no idea how to give or receive love. I wish they had both died soon after my birth so I gould have been placed with properly vetted parents by a reputable adoption society. In my opinion all adults should be thoroughly examined by an adoption society, and if they fail to qualify as adopters, they should be compulsorily sterilised, so they never inflict their inadequacies on any children.
@ThisIsMyFullName And that makes you a narc magnet; you wear your heart on your sleeve. I was like that when I was younger and did the narcs pounce on me. However, we learn by our mistakes, and we learn to love and filter out the undesirables (narcs).
@@trevormillar1576 As a teacher, I sometimes think that one day, a long time from now, people will look back at this age and be appalled that everyone was allowed to have children and destroy them at will. I'm sorry your childhood was so difficult. I did not mean to sound ungrateful of my own, just that we each are fighting our own battles and that a safe home doesn't mean everything comes easy. The grass isn't greener on the other side, because there are no other side. You have to plant the seeds yourself.
I'm 38 and I still have my stuffed toy from when I was a baby... Holding it makes me happy and it gives me comfort just like it did as a child. I used to date casually and when someone came over to stay the night, I'd always hide the teddy so my guest wouldn't see it. On one date a man who I'd been seeing for a while came over again, I'd forgotten to put the teddy away and he ended up finding it in bed. I was mortified! But instead of laughing or ridiculing me he held the toy in his hands, asked if it had a name, and said that he still has his stuffed toy monkey as well. It was such a lovely moment of vulnerability and I loved that he made me feel so genuinely accepted about something deeply personal to me. It's like we dropped the masks of cool adults and became the two little kids that we always were on the inside. Much fun was had that night. :)
< To speak to a bleeding heart, you need a naked one. > -Vinland Saga. I used to think I needed to be strong, after passing through hardships in my life. I finally found I needed to be flexible, and accept my angers and vulnerability in order to overpass them. It gave me, in exchange, a great love and empathy toward other humans.
I comprehend all of this logically, but on a deeper emotional level I can't let go. It is too hard to be that accepting of myself, so I automatically revert to being hard and strong (not that I'm very good at it ahaha). Do you have an advice for someone who wants to take the same path as you?
@@rulekop What I will say may either help you, or not at all, because I don't know you, what tries you already took, or paths you went by. You said you revert to being hard and strong, yet not being good at it. It may be a good start. If you act in a way that "isn't yours" and pretend to be, you harm yourself. I think you should think at the things you like, those you don't, and make sure of what you want to be and do, so you may know what to do and how. You are not competing, you are just trying to be better and feel good, it's not a race, you have time. Allow you small tries at first, and learn from what you experience, each time. If you are suffering from past feelings, I recommand you no other things than talking to yourself, or with a professionnal, to process it, why you feel that way, and what it means deep inside. Thus, you may have a clearer version of how you think and feel, and it may help you in your interactions with other people. If you are dealing with negative emotions and thoughts, I also recommand you to read books from the Ancients : the Greeks, mostly, like Plutarque, Xenophon and Polybus (way more easy to read than Plato, I assure you). It may give you "good exemples" and small lessons in life. You can also read novels with "positive" characters and stories, or listen to various kinds of musics that give you joy, energy, or a taste of epicness (it's called "neurolinguistic programing", the words you read and hear the most influence your brain and mood). At the level of interaction, you should try to go talk to people, and ask yourself "what do I bring to the conversation/relationship ?", is it knowledge, good vibe, care, affection, skills, agreability, manpower, etc... . Interactions are based on reciprocity and respect, so if you treat everyone equally, as persons, and tolerate that, yes, they may not be perfect, and have small or bigger flaws, you may eventually enjoy their company more, and feel better with yourself, and your own feelings and flaws. Of course, you are not forced to love anyone, but always keep in mind that you owe them at least a small piece of respect, and they owe you the same. The rest depends on how much you want to give and share. I hope this will help you a little and be useful in your effort. Have a good day. And keep faith.
Being vulnerable is a gift that is often wasted on those who self-doubt. To be able to share what you are afraid of, what you make a mess of, or what you do clumsily in the presence of your peers requires self-love and it frees you emotionally. Not only that but being vulnerable in the presence of others liberates them of that same fear, allowing them to be vulnerable as well.
@@iliavko True humanity lies in our acknowledgment of our dark side and the knowledge that we have it inevitably, no matter how good we are. We will be realistic when we realize that others constantly have such a side as well, which facilitates humbleness with their mistakes. The one who lacks this recognition will reject others and judge them badly.
Just when I think I’ve learned to be vulnerable, I find ways I still need to work on it. I’m scared to show people I like them bc I fear rejection but to be vulnerable means to put yourself out there & risk being rejected. It’s hard especially when it’s one of your biggest fears but slowly I’m doing small things to do it. ☺️ Still a little scary but I’m doing it & proud of myself no matter how it goes.
I pretended to be strong and unafraid. My girlfriend had no idea the fear I had of losing her. I have an anxious attachment that ending up crippling me in every area of my life. I had to take drugs and still do in small doses. However, I got a second chance with my love, and this time if have resolved to not fall apart again, to overcome my fear of losing her.
I was abandoned and unloved as a child so I was disturbingly clingy with girlfriends, but now thanks to philosophy I understand that my future wife could die before me and that in time I would live on in peace despite it happening. If you have the courage to tackle it at the source, study the Stoic concept of memento mori, remembering death naturalizes life's flow of gain and loss in our minds until it's embraced and appreciated as a constant of one's peaceful existence. Study amor fati too if you want to see the good in the inevitable. Also look into the Buddhist idea of non-attachment (detachment). I wish you the best!
It makes sense, now, that my first love in high school was so intense. We were fiercely vulnerable because we didn’t know how to be any other way. It’s not until adulthood you learn to really pretend. 😢
As someone that has been in that position and in the position that used something I was told in an argument when I was hurt I wish I had been better because I knew the hurt it caused me when someone did it to me. I’m working towards breaking that cycle
Oh...this is SO Brilliaant! I met my 'spouse' at 16 (she was 15) and we became a rock solid team by fully sharing our deformities and providing the other strength within which to grow. It 'only' lasted 17 years, but within that time became economically, emotionally, and intellectually successful. The birth of our daughter threw her back into trauma I couldn't meet, and our time ended 4 years later, but she remained a responsible, if seriously confused 'parent'.
For me a more important lesson was to be supportive of vulnerability. To not shower a new love interest with affection and then withdraw it when I got bored or realised that this person was not who I had been looking for. As someone who does not have much anxiety or many sensory issues (but who struggles with recklessness and impulsivity); in the past I may have been harshly dismissive about these fearful traits in others simply because I could not relate to them. Conversely I’m good at articulating and justifying my own difficulties so have always assumed that if someone wanted me to adjust my behaviour or attitude that they would just be able to frankly explain the situation in a constructive criticism way but I don’t think most people are very good at introspection and untangling a ball of factors and feelings to get to the heart of the matter. So these days I try to do that on their behalf and try to have empathy and patience even if I can’t relate to the same root cause of insecurity. But it’s been a very valuable lesson and I’m slowly getting around to apologising to old lovers for my immature and sometimes scornful attitudes in the past and hopefully that’s something that they find helpful. Always remember to be as kind as you possibly can be friends x
@@secullenable always positive responses to me but I presume the politeness is superficial and I don’t know how they actually feel but it’s not my place to puzzle it out anymore
Thank you, School of Life. This video has lit up a light bulb in my mind on why I haven't been able to make meaningful friendships with acquaintances who I would've considered to be 'close with'. I really was just afraid to open myself up to them and hence why our relationships really never leveled up.
I’ve got this thing where I’m very blunt all the time and I will be 100% comforting to you in your time of need and also state my insecurities and vulnerabilities but have a hard time becoming good friends with people and being a person that people just feel comfortable opening up to. Growing up I was not reassured of anything and always looked down apon for crying and saying what I want. Later, I developed an intestinal illness that put me in chronic pain for a full year which is when I met this amazing person who showed me the wonders of what comforting another human was, which opened my mind up to empathy and relations between others in that sense.
We need to be so careful in choosing that partner we can be vulnerable with. Otherwise the wrong person can exploit our vulnerabilities against us. I found out the hard way some people are so evil they might even use those vulnerabilities to push another to suicide. Be careful, get to know the other person first!!
It takes huge courage to remove the amour and show the scars to your loved ones & it takes a lot more responsibility to accept the scars of the other person to love them more
Narcissistic mother, mentally bullying father, no social life, bullied at school And still my parents expect me to perform good in studies... My mental health was fked by my parents It has been 7 months but nobody cared anyway Because I'm from India 🕳️
Thanks for this video. As much as I "knew these things" and have heard about them and read about them over the past couple years in self discovery, it still wasn't enough for me to FULLY understand the extent of how true this is. Until I met someone who came to me with absolutely openness, vulnerability, and trust. I broke this trust in a variety of ways, and now understand that my keeping feelings, past experiences away did the opposite of what I wanted. I lost someone incredibly special to me, and hurt her in the process. I am having a difficult time dealing with this, but all I can do is continue to process what has happened, learn from this, and change my behavior no no matter how vulnerable. It isn't enough to care outwardly for you partner, you MUST show your vulnerabilities and weaknesses in order to build a solid foundation in any relationship, otherwise it's superficial, and there's no meaningful depth in this- which is okay for certain relationships depending on what kind it is, but absolutely crippling in a romantic relationship where emotional intimacy is the backbone and core of love.
I think this applies not only to romantic relationships but to any relationship in general, friendship, family bonds, etc. Being able to be vulnerable and free makes our relationships more honest and clear. I've had the luck of finding a new group of friends with which we can suggest playing "childish" games like hide and seek and catch without any adult guilt. We're in our 20's but I feel like I did back in elementary school, with some of the most honest and genuine friendships I've had.
I needed to hear this. I am a strong person and a non complainer when it comes to work, but I must not, at any cost, drag this attitude to my potential romantic relationships. It is scary to share parts of life with someone we are just beginning to trust, but sometimes you just have to trust the other person, in bits and pieces, slowly and gradually.
I show my weaknesses and vulnerabilities only to people I completely trust. That way I know that even if they hurt me with their words they have no bad intentions. It's a great way to connect with others on a very deep level if both are open and not afraid to reveal our biggest insecurities. Very unique video style!
When people criticize nowdays I just remind them that Everything in nature has a texture,dent,flaws or scars. Nothing is perfectly perfect. So do I. Lately I have learnt to remain calm and comfort even during turmoil when things are falling apart as they moved away.
@@shriyasahu7092 We should learn from SRK and Deepika how they kept mum even during the saffron controversy. And the box office collection is the result of their calmness and is speaking volumes.
This is exactly how I feel. Anytime I opened up about something personal (depression, parents, struggles) I was met with either complete indifference or made to feel stupid or ridiculous. Never again.
I still worry that people aren't being honest with me about how they feel. Several people I've previously dated either didn't tell me what was going on in their hearts and minds or would tell me an outright lie about it. I don't know how to trust anyone anymore.
Is there not a chance that you may be reading into it more than is? We are not very good mind readers and in relationships, the best you can do is ask someone to be honest and then believe what they say.
I still wonder if my oldest friends or my partner of twelve years that I own a house with loves me! It's just what I'm used to or expect I deserve. But it's not true.
Sounds like people with an avoidant attachment style. Biggest lesson I ever got was loving an avoidant person who straight up told me "i dont do vulnerability". 4 years later I learnt the lesson 💔
What I learned from this is every one has childhood trauma (that I already knew) and the way to make the world better is to teach our kids to be kind to everyone and help other kids who aren't doin as well. That way the kids will grow up confident and what not. Us as adults know better despite our own trauma. We can manage for a generation to hold our tongues so the younger ones can grow up with an unbroken heart. From them on it shouldn't be so difficult to find world peace. Just my thoughts, they are not very put together if someone wants to say it again in their own words
I want someone who won't invalidate me, won't criticize my childish interests and wild ambitions. I'm fortunate that I have friends I can be vulnerable with.
they don't mean be blindly vulnerable, they mean be smart, have common sense and communication. if someone isn't trying orvgiving, don't give to them and expect things back. don't expect things people won't give.
I have no problem with this. I embarrass myself for the entertainment of others constantly and have always worn my insanity on my sleeve. I tell people I'm dork up front so it doesn't surprise them if they get the wrong impression and mistakenly find me charming 😂
My guess is that those of us burdened with emotional dysfunction which developed due to serious childhood events/conditions rarely, if ever resolve such deeply embedded maladjustments via intimate relationships in adulthood that includes the referenced vulnerabilities. Exposing our long-protected emotional scars requires super-human strength and courage AND a partner capable of exercising exceptional care and compassion if and when we open up. Maybe I am wrong.
This is exactly what i felt when i found true love...i felt lighter,powerful,and daring and lot of healing and realizations happened parallely..i love him so much!!
video editor - don’t minimize the video and distract us with other stuff in the last few seconds. that’s when some of the most important stuff is being said!!!
Vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and needs like that are nothing but a stick for her to beat you with. If you can't keep them hidden, it's not going to work.
I've been struggling to understand what being vulnerable means until this afternoon and I finally became vulnerable to someone. I find it funny that this topic is uploaded the same day I understood it.
@@akshaychavan3830 we usually mistake it as opening up to someone but it's very different. Opening up just simply means sharing something about you. Being vulnerable is showing your true self and letting the other person decide what to do next. I shared all my insecurities to someone yesterday.. it was scary because I was not sure how they would react. Now that I have shared something so intimate to that person, I feel more relaxed with them. I dont need to show a facade anymore.
vulnerability had become at the top of my list of interests. I want to learn more about it and provide it to everyone who is close to me to make my relationship with them stronger. I would like to contemplate the definition of this thing that brings us all closer to our humanity and gives us safety, love and trust in a real way. I hope to become completely open with someone One day and they do the same with me .. its just amazing
Theres a really great book by Brene Brown on this specific topic called "Daring greatly". Its truly such an inspiring work, cant recommend it enough if you want to learn more on the topic
"D'you get scared to feel so much To let somebody touch you So hot, so cold, so far so out of control Hard to come by, and harder to hold Some people get by, with a little understanding Some people get by, with a whole lot more I don't know, why you gotta be so undemanding" Sisters of Mercy - More (also covered by Shaman, which is an awesome version)
Awesome, what a morning i am having!, I found solace while watching it, and I am sure all those who didn't realise till this moment vulnerability and growing stronger by taking about our limitations will also find solace in this video.❤❤❤ awesome, gr8 work SOL...whatva contribution you guys are doing...hatsoff 👍🙏🙏
This is not entirely correct. Children don’t “tell themselves“ that their parents diminishing comments were “correct”. Rather, children internalize the voice of their parents as they enter into a long process of building an internal simulation of those individuals. This is often referred to as a “Intraject“ and is thoroughly discussed in object relations psychology. As the child “individuates” from their parents, it is only then that they recognize that inner-voice as their own voice. My problem is that the narrator implies that the child is actually conscious of what they are doing. They are not conscious at all. Parents are the gods of our childhood, and they define our sense of reality. They do this first during our childhood and then again as the unintentional co-authors of our adult personalities.
I am vulnerable to criticism very much relatable to this topic but i long for love but not successful to get redamant . The hope for which i had excitement for living the feeling of love . But feeling lots of stress inspite of true love .
