First of all, thanks so much for this vídeo. I always feel this thing inside me saying that I can't do anything on my own. You make me realize that I'm an Obligher, and what I have to do. thanks so much
I’ve watched all 4 of your videos on this now and they are so helpful. This is my first time disagreeing with any of the insights. I know you are a Q as well but I am also a bit of an Obliger too I find it easy to do things for others and difficult to do things for myself. You mentioned Qs don’t need accountability partners but I feel that an accountability partner is the main thing I need right now because I need someone to tell me when to stop researching and perfecting so I can act!
Helpful but kind of pessimistic as we can get things done for ourselves and being passionate about it is also important. You should also emphasize the strengths, as you presented more of a deficit perspective.
Sounds good but NOT effective... Ask a better question: What's behind the Obliger's lack of interest/involvement in their OWN well-being - this is an Attachment issue and CAN be resolved with that answer.
You picked up on something I too have been interrogating since I made these videos. I believe there are many impacts (to least gender & social conditioning, trauma & self-protection strategies...) at play in how and in whom these 4 Tendencies show up.
it is just who they are, just no intense or enough passion to work on things about them but when it is for others it becomes very easy, can go any length for anyone and they later tend to break down after stress make them act like a rebel
Shame/Guilt drives me. i don't want to let anyone down. I don't want the blame. i don't want to be the reason. I thought the guilt/shame was due to my Asian background
@@Kera707Same for me. I’m also Asian. As I’m healing past trauma and wounds, the shame and guilt no longer works for me when it comes to family related obligations etc. I still get have the shame/guilt hit but I’m conscious of it and try to correct. I hope to find healthier reasons to do beneficial things for myself rather than guilt/shame. It’s a process. Does anyone know how long this process takes to be completely free from guilt/shame and be able to do beneficial things for myself without those being the driver?
@@aussie_has_fomo I'd say about a year when I consciously recognized and accepted that the shame/guilt that I had carried for years, led to much of my over giving and allowing others to pressure me to keep the peace for the good of the hive, at my emotional expense. I'm at the point that I always consider my own needs/wants before committing to something with family and limit my exposure to them, as I feel they don't understand some of the spiritual things I'm learning and applying to improve my life. I try to enjoy the time with them and can then return to my own personal journey. I'm also applying this to my work life and no longer accepting to take more responsibilities than I should. As a result, I focus more on developing myself personally and professionally. I feel lighter and better in general 🙂 Best wishes in 2024!
