How to Talk About Your Past Sexual Sins (4 Tips) 

Amen!

Wonderful

Yes, I’ve seen it happen. And I’m not very religious.

This is a very old comment so I’m just hoping that others may see this in the future. But virgins should stay with virgins. I think it’s wrong for someone who indulged in sexual activity before coming to Christ to take away the beauty of two virgins experiencing the gift of sex together for the very first time. If you’ve committed sexual sin in the past, you should look for someone who has done the same and is turning over a new way of life, rather than stealing a “perfect” partner from a true virgin

@@namenotfound6881 Yeah.. I 100% disagree. "Stealing" a "perfect" virgin partner is extremely creepy language.

💕 Amen! I completely understand. I hope you've been having a wonderfully fruitful journey with God

​@@peaceoftarayou're wrong virgins should stay with virgins cause I promise majority of virgin men will be repulsed by her past. Men love virtue, we're all wired that. Ofcourse if a men has past, he should extend some grace.. but it doesn't and will never change the fact of the matter. And hey, we all get to choose. Nothing wrong with leaving someone because of their past, even as a Christian.

@@petemuganeafrica7312 2 Corinthians 5:14-21 | Live Biblically. There isn't a single scripture alluding to "virgins stay with virgins". To submit to and to subscribe judgement on our brothers and sisters for their worldly pasts is not Biblical. If our Heavenly Father forgave us for our sins, and we accept this forgiveness freely, who are we to hold an account on each other before Christ? | Matthew 7

Yes 100% a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Christ's love for the church is a sacrificial love, the greatest kind of love that exists. One that is patient, kind, that keep no records of wrong and so much more🥰

I totally understand your feelings. However, jealousy is clearly stated by Paul on numerous occasions as something people who live by the flesh or people who live in the word feel. For those living by the Spirit, we should avoid the vice of jealousy at all costs - to supress it

I struggled with this too man. There’s some good videos by a guy (not sure if he’s Christian) but I’ve watched him and it’s helped. They call it retroactive jealousy. I’m also going to be discussing this with a Christian counselor. I want freed from this as well :)

Its your self respect telling you to walk away, God wants you to respect yourself

This is a natural response. Nothing wrong with you. A lot of people will shame you for feeling this dread, but any guy can relate

At the end of the day you shouldn’t put too much stock in the advice and doctrines of man. You have a relationship with Jesus directly and He understands you better than any of us can. That said, your sentiments sound legitimate and it’s up to you. Don’t let others project their regrets and desires onto you and pressure you to, in this case, be with someone who you’d be uncomfortable with. You want to be with someone who you can feel comfortable enough with to be vulnerable and trust and not fear being judged. I think one of the things you may fear is being compared to prior partners or perhaps her making light of you, possibly, not having prior experiences. Idk. In any event, follow your gut and go to Jesus as He will not steer you wrong. Man will but not Him. God bless and peace.

Exactly! Your experiences are yours-not his.

@@user-bd4bo4tb8u it marriage there is no mine or yours

Just saw this 4 years later... I'm going through the same situation with my partner.. He knows my past life and couldn't handle it. Started to condemn me on my sexual sins, or even would call me the S word. Despite he was also sleeping around before he met Christ but he told me that he wasn't in the sin as deep as me... We've been together for 4 years but it seems like he's always holding grudges against me according to my past. And now that leads to his hesitatation to the marriage.

Storyman I'm praying for you young man, if I may I would suggest and consider dating and seeking out another virgin like yourself if possible maybe that can help ease your pain a little. All in all stay prayerful God bless you!🙂

Eva Kelley thank you for praying. That means a lot to me. And I would prefer to if I could, I would prefer it be that way, but it’s not like I’m going around asking everyone whether they’re a virgin or not. :/ And I have the dreadful feeling that I’m going to face a girlfriend giving me this kind of conversation one day. I have the dreadful feeling that one day I’ll be called or asked to respond in a Christ-like way, whatever that would be in this kind of situation. Mark wasn’t so clear on what that would look like in the receiver in this scenario. Honestly, I wish this wasn’t something that hurt to think about, I wish I didn’t care.

Storyman You are welcome. I forgot to say that I commend you wholeheartedly, you are doing a great thing and God is going to bless you tremendously! Don't worry or try your best not to anyways, just rest in his promise and love he will take care of you my friend. Stay focused on your growth with him because he knows your heart so everything will fall in place just trust in him. Know that your purity is not in vain ( meaning of not going unnoticed by God) stay strong in the Lord and continue to be encouraged have a wonderful day and God bless you!😇🌺

Eva Kelley may God bless you as well, and bless you abundantly. I really needed that encouragement, so thank you again. I can’t express how much that means to me.

Storyman You are so welcome!🌼 God's plan for your life will manifest itself just continue to allow him to lead you. Stay blessed my friend!🤗

So glad to hear this sherlock inapot, amen, all glory to God!

Amen!

You are welcome Sirena Montreal, it was a difficult topic so I'm glad it was helpful :)

ApplyGodsWord.com/Mark Ballenger. Yes its a hard topic when i was younger n engaged my fiance at the time told me about his ex wife n i told him about my ex but not detail after i though we had closer but he keep bringing up my ex n in consequence the relationship ended he was a pastors son so maybe that pressured him to be perfectionist idk am just little sad that i was able to understand him but he would condemn me in return instead am just glad its over

Yes, I think men on average struggle in that area more bc they often idolize sex more. It sounds like he was idolizing sexual purity....this video covers that topic ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-z6GQVj09Uec.html

ApplyGodsWord.com/Mark Ballenger yeah am glad that at least now i know when to talk about the topic thank you again for this video God bless

👍

God bless you too Eva

ApplyGodsWord.com/Mark Ballenger Thank you Mark.😄

I don't desire a virgin. A virgin can be a horrible person in other ways. I want the man God has for me even if they sinned sexually before getting right with God. My question was simply how to be certain it really was their PAST instead a sin they would still be carrying into our relationship. I'd rather have a redeemed non virgin than a virgin messed up in numerous other possible ways.

I personally am someone who wanted to be a virgin until marriage but caved to societal pressures. I would certainly wait if I could have a do-over, but I know God has His plan. I definitely learned a lot from it. They might not need to say those exact words to reveal a similar sentiment to you, in face a man's behavior will often reveal more than his words. I know I'm not the only one, just stay patient. If they are bragging about past sexual behavior, they certainly aren't in the right headspace to be continuing in a Christian relationship.

Peyton Swartzell I admit if I had been in certain situations I might not still be a virgin. I know there are others like you and want to believe if my man has a past I'll have the Lord's peace. I get to that mindset though then something comes up to make wonder.

Well... Sex is enjoyable, but soul ties aren't. So, they might not wish they never had sex before, but they might wish they hadn't done it outside of marriage. The hard part is, once you know, you cant un-know 😬 the more partners, the more complicated it gets too. I DO think it's possible to re-dedicate your body and relationships to Christ though! At least, when it's time to love your spouse, they will get 100% of your new passion, commitment, and energy... true love is not the same as "hooking up". Don't worry, a good guy will know this and wait for you and properly dispel any fear you might have about his past.

Rose Morales hi I know Mark hasn’t answered yet, but as a Christian counselor myself I would say yes.

I think in an ideal world the church you attend would help prepare the couple for marriage. So I would say yes it is a good idea to have premarital counseling.

It's okayyy don't worry if a man wants to be with you nothing can be better than you to him that's a fact okay. And remember a sin is a sin to no degree is a sin greater than another, a sin is a sin God bless you in your future relationship ❤️

Why do you feel bad that alone is satan entering your mind telling you that

But that is a perfectly reasonable and godly thing to wish for!

If you've never been with anyone you're a virgin. Celibate is a different thing.

It is your prerogative. The Bible never promotes virginity or bans pre-marital sex. It might help to identify the source of the discomfort, it could be a difference of experience that causes it, or a lack of shared values, jealousy or the desire for shared experience. Knowing why you feel the way you do might help you going forward.

MaddRabbitx no it’s totally fine. You have the right to know, especially if it leads to marriage. I Actually recommend it, just find a really gentle way of approaching the topic.

I think going to get tested together will make it less rude even if the other person is a virgin.

As a virgin you have an absolute right to demand this.

Yes, that's the goal but it's a process in real relationships. It doesn't happen so simply and requires real work to heal when a wound has occurred. So I agree w your general point it's just too idealistic and quick in my opinion. People would like to forget but it's not that simple. Forgiveness is a choice but forgetting is a process

I think if you forget your past mistakes you're in danger of repeating them. It's good to remember what you've learned so you don't fall into it again. Just not to live under condemnation. And it's not good to withhold that info from a spouse because then you're not fully known. Jesus fully knows all our failures and weaknesses and loves us any way and helps us through them. You might risk hiding any weaknesses from your spouse when they could be there to support you and hold you accountable. I know this is also idealistic and it's scary because what if they reject you for your past. But it's better to expose sin to the light that's where it loses its power.

I agree in the sense that Jesus forgave them. However, it doesn’t mean that the actual events didn’t take place nor what followed. As I noted to a few others here, it’s right to let the partner know. Largely because a strong relationship is built on trust and truth. Omitting certain truths will not make that unionship strong and long lasting as it’s rooted in fear and/or selfishness. With that, sexual choices come with many potential consequences such as STD’s/STI’s. Not to say all have them but all one has to do is look at the stats to understand that being sexually loose, let alone active, is a dice roll in today’s world. These are facts. What’s better, letting your partner know the truth and getting tested together or hiding things and you potentially infect your parent with a life altering disease due to your selfishness and/or fear? I know in this day and time this can be deemed as “judgmental” and “unrealistic” and may make some upset but hey, it is what it is. The truth is the truth no matter who it may offend. What say you?

Be honest or leave

This question is my biggest fear.

@Gabo H that info is highly useful, tell it if asked and let other decide

As Thomas said, be honest or just tip out.

I would look for the godly qualities you desire in her now. If she doesn't possess these qualities currently then it's probably a sign to breakup. This may help ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-zKLpUfLtaKk.html

Alpha fucks beta bucks

You should not date a girl that has ridden the CC, she's lost her ability to pair bond. The divorce rate for women with a high number of sexual partners is extremely high. The right thing to do is to get out of there. Men are the victims in divorce cases.

​@@josephbrandenburg4373 succinct and life saving advice.

From a health context as well as character measurement I’d say it should and it’s the right thing to do. You don’t have the right to possibly infect your partner with an STD/STI because you’re afraid to share the truth and afraid of how they may respond. That’s not cool.

@@watitduful Of course! If one has an STD , the only ethical thing to do is to disclose that with any potential partner. That’s a given because it affects others. Barring the presence of disease, or even a dangerous ex, it’s okay to keep some things to yourself. I don’t know your age, but when I was in my twenties, I did feel obligated to share everything. Lots of people do things in one phase of life that they grow out of later. People change and grow and that’s a good thing. A person can be one way in their younger years and grow into a completely different person later. I say let people be who they are now. Usually, emotionally healthy people don’t get extremely jealous, possessive, or controlling. Those are red flags of a potentially abusive person.

@@user-bd4bo4tb8u Apparently, given many of these comments, that's not a given which is pretty concerning to say the least. As for my age, lets just say that I'm not a new jack to the game and have been on the scene long enough to call a spade a spade. While people do change, that doesn't mean that others have to accept them as such. This is important to understand because at the end of the day we cannot change people and make them do things they don't want to do. In this regard, people have the right to have concern about a person's sexual history for their particular reasons. For those that see this as minuscule, why worry what these folks think? Why does their personal views bother those with a "past?" All that is is just an opportunity to meet someone else who may not care. Trying to guilt trip, using Scripture, and cajoling people into being with someone whom they wouldn't feel comfortable with screams manipulative, desperate, and a sense of selfishness. Let them be, move on and live life. Find someone who doesn't care and respect other people's boundaries. Me personally, I don't blame those with this concern given how reckless many are sexually in today's society. While one may change, and its good if they do, there can and often are many ramifications to this kind of life choice. This very discussion in how ones sexual past can affect their partner is one of those ramifications hence the topic being so controversial. Clearly, this has more of a negative affect on people's lives than a positive one. Life is about choices at the end of the day. Life is not easy but it is very simple. Can you feel me?

So according to this I don't have to tell my future wife that I am gay thank you so much because that is what I want

Revealing your past is a relationship by relationship thing. All sexual relationships steal a bit of your soul and it’s important for the innocent partner to know how much is left.

Bad advice within proper context. Sexual sin is different from other ones. What if you discover you have an STD/STI? Then what? Should that be left behind too & hidden from your partner?

Nah. I think everything should be told. Not details and context but the truth is, if your husband had real horrible secrets that could come back, you have the right to know to guard your life and heart.

I agree about the forgiveness piece but disagree with your overall intent as this really has nothing to do with forgiveness. I think it’s a legitimate concern for that partner. Some of the biggest reasons being health concerns as well as a measure of character. For example, it’d be important to know berlvause what if the partner with the past is not aware of their status? What if they decide to actually get tested and find out they have HIV or AIDS or some other type of STD/STI? That alone is a game changer on whether a relationship will be made or broke. What if a pregnancy takes place and the baby gets infected in the womb? See what I mean? I think it’s honorable to be accountable and do the right thing by letting the other person know the truth as it gives them room to make their decision. Trying to cuff someone out of fear of being alone is selfish. Wouldn’t you agree?

Also a Man/Woman saving for marriage and strong with their morals, do not deserve to be betrayed and robbed. So If a guy knows everything no matter how frequent the sin was, it is up to him to be with the other person or leave. We Christians should forgive, but when it comes to sharing a life together in one flesh, we should ask question for ourselves. "specially if it wasn't a direct sin towards them". Everything you do in your life has effects, good deeds good, bad deeds bad. Your life becomes one with your partner. Your or his past definitely has effects. So therefore we say, our life is not ours alone, our loved ones matter. What we do will hurt if it's a someone who loves us.

I'm sorry you've fallen into this deception of yourself. But that is not a biblical model of relationship. Sex is between a man and wife. That's crystal clear.