So... do you know the 7 steps towards genocide as outlined by the UN? Response: -What... walks away/doesn't enguage/uninterested/tired A: Ah I'm sorry. Long day? B: vents or doesn't. A: uses empathy, B is imposter -No... why? Suspicious, guard up Else they could fein interest to learn about the topic. A: compliments B, says A was nervous and didn't know what to say. Or. A: You look like an interesting person, I'd like to learn a bit about what you know. Also I think genocide is an important topic that relates to many aspects of society. Everything from race relations, to domestic and foreign trade and economic policies, to simple stuff like video games. *at this point guage B's interest by their body language or give them a chance to speak.* B: How does the UN's policy on genocide tie into video games, seems like a stretch. Or. B: Yeah, stuff like *name a piece of media or history with genocide* *Either way, B has now enguaged and the conversion to conversation can continue.* (The above was added after me info-dumping about Undertail because that's the _magic_ of writing a fictional conversation.) A: If you're into game lore such as in the Undertail community, you'll see how fan writers integrate monsters into the surface world and human society given that humans effectively committed genocide out of a misplaced fear of monster-kind and then locked the remaining monsters underground for hundreds of years. -Yes, I do. Confident, guard down A: Ah, well then, um, do you by chance remember how to mitigate the chance of genocide happening? I'm a little fuzzy on the details. *it's at this point B decides to enguage or not* B:Yeah, basically try to get different groups to mingle and don't dehumanize a group of people this way it's harder to kill them, much like with a robber or kidnapper. Though I'm not sure if that works in any case where they don't plan on killing you, because typically you just don't want to give them a reason to harm you. A: Wow, I see, thank you. Where did you learn that bit about kidnappings? B: I don't remember, some online video. *Then A or B can mention watching cop shows if either wants to stay enguaged.* Then conversation continues for however long you can. I rate this question 1/3 for success, upgraded to 2/5, then 3/5 after creating all the above scenarios. This took me 34 minutes to cover 3 major scenarios for a 5-15 minute conversation.
im an introvert but im not gonna lie, these were some pretty helpful tips! The hardest part is starting a conversation: most people with social anxiety have to deal with this problem called "overanalysis paralysis" and they can just never get themselves to come up with an opening line, although they have so many things on their mind.
I honestly believe if you have the power to be social you can literally get anything. Jobs, Girls, connections of any kind, special privileges, free stuff. It's a shame that they don't teach it in school, good to see another content creator talk about this kind of thing. Keep up the great work mate.
@Tay Um... Don't see how I insulted you. And what you said doesn't make sense, "Never got made at it" what does that mean? and I never went off, if anything you did for making that comment. It's just a r/woooosh. That is the point of an r/wooooosh, a person who didn't understand it.
Pasif Geek it's good to have the worst case scenarios present when making decisions, as you suggest, but you also have to predict the odds of that bad scenario happening. In this case i'll say that is.more likely that they respond nicely than rudely
It's so refreshing to watch a video on RU-vid that doesn't have hundreds of cuts. This guy filmed a video that lasted 7 minutes and 25 seconds in one take, without any stumbles and was perfectly coherent and eloquent the whole time. Amazing work man.
@〖ᒪᑌNᗩ_81〗 What makes you think she has as much to talk about with you as she does with her friends? She knows what her friends can relate with her on, she knows what they did together recently, and she knows what her friends won't judge her and respect her for, does she know those things about you?
Getting over the "what do I say" barrier is so important. I'm starting a decently high paying job tomorrow basically because I was willing to go talk to a guy. He was on the fence about trying to hire someone, and I basically just asked for a job. We got to talking about the job and after twenty minutes or so he decided to hire me. I'd still be in "gig economy" mode if I didn't take the initiative to simply have a conversation.
The "I don't believe we've met yet" works total wonders. I was at my cousin's wedding and walked up to an older idle couple and used the line. We talked for about 10-20 minutes and it stayed interesting. Ranged from college to military service and was one of my strongest conversations yet.
What works for me is "how's your week been?" Works for people I know and people I don't. People like talking about themselves and opens many roads to keep conversation flowing. Works like a charm!
@@daze2028 When they answer like that it’s probably means they haven’t did anything interesting that week. That’s why that question can be a hit or miss but then you can say something about how’s your own week been going and share something interesting or maybe they’re just not interested in talking with you or at the moment.
In addition to giving genuine compliments, another great tool is showing genuine appreciation. Not just "thanks have a good day", but real appreciation. Around the holidays I always tell people in retail that I appreciate them being there. Get out of the mindset of not thanking people for just doing their job. I bought some glassware and when the girl was wrapping them up to put them in my shopping bag i told her "oh thank you for wrapping those!" And she was bewildered because no one had ever thanked her for just doing part of her job
Oh boy, life would be so easy for me in the US it seems... You guys are really so genuinely unfriendly and unmannered that you can actually bewilder someone by thanking them?! Where I come from, people are so used to everyone saying "please" and "thank you" and "you're welcome", that these words long lost all their meaning. The only way to utilize them in order to make an impression, is by _not_ saying them. And that won't make for a good impression, I guarantee you that.
Tell Me This He said in a he didn't vote for Trump. So unless he's independent, 3rd party or voted blank, Clinton would be an educated guess I think. :)
Jonathan the answer isn't the point. The point is, people like to talk about these topics like politicians, politics, business, corruption. Just ask a question and they will start talking
I'm in highschool so its pretty awkward when you say "Hi, I haven't met you yet". Idk what it is about highschool students but they make everything awkard
If they’re a nice person, they’ll respond nicely. I just graduated high school, and this girl said that exact phrase to me in a class, and we became friends! I admired how she took interest in wanting to be friends and she was nice.
After 4 years of watching "How to make a small talk""How to control your anxiety""7 conversation starters""FORD rule"....I still don't know how to interact! And they still describe me as a loner! ಠ◡ಠ
Although this guy is good and so are many like him, I don't usually watch such videos. You end up thinking too much and overanalyzing scenarios. Mostly people are embarrassed about what others in their locality/college/work might think of them if they fail at a conversation. So, try talking to strangers at bus stops, convenience stores or when you're on vacation. It doesn't matter if you fail. You're probably never gonna see them again.
Me: Whats your favorite color Them: Blue Me: Cool Them: Wbu Me: Yellow Them: Cool Me: ... Them: ... *HOW DO YOU KEEP A CONVERSATION GOING?!* Edit: so basically, never reply with “cool” 😂
“I love blue, reminds of the ocean and my last holiday in .... where we did X blah blah” for example and then you have something to keep the conversation going
These are great specific things you can do in situations, but I think the biggest thing you can remember that will liberate you from your anxieties is that you do not have to be in your head so much... people are going to want to start conversations with you because YOU are amazinggg. you have stories to share. you have value to add to the world. you have wisdom... you are worth engaging with and talking to. I love talking to everyone for this reason... young, old, black, white... there's something that I know I can learn from everyone. We all have gifts to share.
It’s crazy because I’m a pretty good conversationalist but I want to get even better at communicating and bonding with people just to see how good can get! Thank you I’ve been watching you for about two years now maybe three and now I notice so many social cues
I like to make nerdy or obscure references because if people get it then I found my kind of person and if they don't I can explain the reference. Either way, I get to talk about an interest of mine and ask about theirs. Once I was at the rock climbing wall at my camp and someone had gotten really high on the hardest one. I asked how and he responded "Determination". Then I started humming the determination tune from Undertale (which he got) and we spent the afternoon discussing video games.
Drama_Llama_5000 This is known as polarization. It's the concept of sticking to your beliefs and values and "filtering" through people who tolerate/enjoy/share the same values and beliefs and those who don't want to be involved with you or anything you enjoy. This is good because you get an immediate read on a person and vice versa. Time being wasted is at a bare minimum.
Wish I had that kind of luck, I've tried doing things like that and it hasn't worked... I just get a "wah?" and not as in they want to know more "what", but in a 'stop talk you weirdo' "what". Even if they do actually want to know what I'm talking about they don't really continue talking afterwards. I hate having to talk about something like The Minion movie or dogs or football, something along those lines. Those things are boring but it's what get the conversation going. It's really irritating.
Always safe with the weather, as it changes every couple of hours in Britain, the sun can be in the 20s travel ten miles and it could be stotting with rain. It's a safe conversation and you will always get a reply
Make an awkward silence happen by not following up on the subject by just saying 'yeah... cool' or something like that, don't ask the other person another question and then say 'So... I gotta go, nice talking to you. Bye!'
Thaer Ghawi it typically means you do more talking than listening. Try listening more, asking questions and engaging with the other person rather than talking about yourself.
This came in just in time. I'm about to have my first day in college. I also watched your "never run out of things to say" on a meet up with a friend I've been meaning to get more in touch with, and we had a wonderful time. Thanks!
It works if you act uninterested but act like you know them as their friend as just shrug off the fact that you are single by talking about someone you may not like or people's actions you hate "I hate people like that they just act so idiotic and that why I'm single lol, do you know anyone who was like that?"
I love his smile, it's very warm. His voice alone is nice, but watching his whole presentation, the facial expressions and body language is very warm and inviting.
Hey Charlie, This is just a bit of a thank you comment, because your videos, your work has helped me so much in the past couple of months (- since I discovered your channel). Honestly, your advice has brought me so much further with things at school and just in general with myself than I could ever have hoped to achieve on my own and I just wanted to reach out and give you a sincere thank you. Keep up the amazing work!
Do "three ways to start a conversation w/ people you already know, and know a lot about their lives already, (so you can't ask them about that) but don't know so well that you can just sit in silence and it not be weird."
Watch their video about escaping the friendzone. And in case you are not talking about someone you'd like to date, just talk about interests you have in common :)
I been watching all of your videos for about 5 months and they’ve really helped me!! I used to be shy but now I’m outgoing and I have a lot of friends at school. Thank you for all the videos and keep the good work up
Charlie, I think it'd be interesting to see your charisma in action. Not in a creepy way, I just take in all this useful information yet I only know it to be true based on your stories. Does that make any sense?
Totally. We have been thinking about how to do this. It means we need to go out with a camera man and lapel mic which isn't always possible (gym for instance) but we could take a few hours one afternoon and get some footage. I'm not sure if we would need the people in it to sign release but I will look into it
Nyachi what would be the point of infield videos? If you are asking these question it points to the fact that you probabaly arent using his tips ... are you?
The moments where I feel the most awkward is walking past a colleague at work and there’s no time for actual small talk because you’re both busy but you don’t wanna ignore their existence so you just pull one of these faces 😐🙂 and keep moving Like howwww do you make that comfortable
I know im like a year late but guys have had a system to aboid this for decades, and its the "nod". when you nod up it basically means whats up, and when you nod down its acknowledgment, and respect.
Oh wow! That's how you do it? Once in High School my science teacher was setting up groups of two for the class project and I was hoping to be assigned with the fun guy or girl. No. She set me up in a duo group with the awkward kid in class. At first I was nervous and didn't know what to say. I shakily walked over hoping he wouldn't bite. "Hey there! Did you understand the lesson or do you wan to relearn it after school at the library?" It turns out (during our one-to-one interaction at the public library) he was very smart, fun, fast-thinker, and he enjoyed the same music as me. I was the one who needed to learn more about the chapter before starting up the project. It was fun and we got an A+ for our dissertation and presentation! He became a really good friend, I am pretty sure he is having fun at Université de Paris. Yeah, he got an invite through a study abroad program. He is studying to become a mathematician. We try to keep in touch. Which comes to show, you never know who you will meet if you never introduce yourself and just say 'Hello, my name is _____. Is that _______ I have been to their concerts before, which is your favorite song?' If the person is stating they like a music band or if you see someone wearing a t-shirt of their fav rock band. Many conversations can be started.
I've recently started doing better with self-confidence (hence the pfp) and one thig I've discovered works really really well is literally just asking someone how their week has been. I've already started to make friends by doing this and I'm shocked how easy it is.
Always give value first, and see if they want to escalate the relationship by reciprocating your gestures and efforts. Try to stay acutely attuned to the situation. Respond as needed; do not force things upon a perpetually distant person. It’s not your job to fix them. Your energy isn’t infinite! No matter how much you want it to be. Remember that there are plenty of other men, people, and wonderful things you can do with your life to add value to others. There’s no need to get lost in the labyrinth of drama and ignorance or beat a dead horse.
I am now in my late 30’s. I have spent my whole life playing video games and being ashamed of being a gamer. This led to me running away from most social interactions may whole life. Recently I started to focus on a business and stopped playing games. The first thing that I noticed is I became more interested in other people. 35 years of introverted behavior is now coming to an end. Turns out I wasn’t socially awkward I just had no interest in talking to non gamers. Now I have to learn how to talk to people in my fourties’ and I’m looking forward to becoming a stronger communicator. We just have to care, and we’re no longer wired lol
This is great and all but people should realize the most important point of starting a conversation is to get to know someone. Don't go around trying to start convos with random people for no reasons just so you come across social and more interesting than if you werent talking. Talk to people YOU find interesting. What makes them interesting? Use that to start the conversation. It's all about genuinely being interested in somebody else, because of their accent or their hat or just their way of being. Most people want to stand out in the crowd so you will get extra point for acknowledging something that someone has put in extra thoughts, for instance, appearance-wise. Curiousity gets you really far. Keep your eyes open and ears up. Being present is the key to finding interesting people to converse with. In case you are really desparate to talk and want a safe bet, scan the room to find the most or second most social person in the party, then go talk to them. They have a reputation to live up to at that point and will most likely welcome you with open arms. If you manage to make that person laugh or give a big reaction, congratulations you just bump up your social ranking at the party and all of the sudden people find YOU interesting. Second best scenario is them introducing you to the cool gang, which is still awesome! The best strategy imo is to focus on a few individuals to begin with. Have fun with them and start including people as they come. Next thing you know, you are in the cool gang and people see you as interesting. And when you see someone having a hard time integrating, invite them in. You have been there and you know how it feels. Do your good deeds and the universe will send someone else to help you out next time you find it awkward at a party!
I had a difficult time asking questions sometimes whenever I get into conversations with people and I didn't know what to except for myself. It just happens to be more distant and I get the weird feeling that whatever I asked a question it just seems to be something with that could be inappropriate. I get tired of having to stay quiet whenever I get into conversations to talk to people and this should be a good time for me to get notice for things to ask.
There's this guy I really want to be friends with, and I didn't know how to even be the one to start a conversation, so this video really helped me, even if it was from 3 years ago, lol
The most important thing you can do is learn to be indifferent about any outcome and simply talk to people with a sense of adventure and excitement of learning about a new person. Don't worry about tricks. I don't know about you, but I don't want to trick people into liking me and talking to me. Being yourself still is the best advice. Today so many people are fake. You're prolly not compatible with 9 out of 10 people anyway so see rejection as a blessing.
Woah this is a great way to look at it, do you have any advice on how to talk to random stangers lol? I have a little challenge that hamza is making me do.
if everyone you meet is trying to put you down maybe you need to look at yourself. but most of the time that's not the case, people like that are just really negative and you shouldnt keep them in your life if you can afford to. in short if you open up to someone and they just try to hurt you mark that person off as an asshat and move on
Goodness, this video was an eye-opener, i wasn't aware of just how much technology had affected the generations...this is stuff folks used to inherently know and understand at an early age from watching their parents and others do things like ask for directions, chatting w/someone and trying to figure out the name of a particular celebrity, or asking how to make a certain food dish. Suppose we stopped all that once search engines came about, haha! i was initially dumbstruck (as i'm sure most 40yr+ folks were, haha) that this video was even made, but upon further thought i realised it's actually an incredibly fantastic thing, to have this extremely-needed information available to people. So thank you, young man, for taking time to make this video ( :
Oh gosh. That’s such a good point! We have no reason to talk to each other anymore as we have all the info we could possibly need online. I’m 22 and socialising is pretty miserable these days. You kinda feel desperate for going up to someone and making conversation now because people know the only reason you are talking to them is to try and make a friend. Which is “sad” to do, apparently
_I have no idea where I'm gonna watch the fight tonight..._ *Sees person* "OMG the fight is tonight! Are you gonna see it?" "Hell yeah, man!" "Where are you gonna watch it?" *SNEAK 100*
Yes, I know about asking all the questions to get the conversation started. I am good at it. The problem with this is it can be a one way communication. Especially if they don't ask questions back. One scenario is that you'd be asking questions on and on and on and it becomes an interview. How do you make it so that the situation isn't Q&A session?
Dude, great video I love the way you are able to simplify social situations to make them seem easier. I'd also love to see a video on how to handle disrespect from arrogant people, at times I confront a person who is disrespecting me or my friends but I don't want to sound arrogant and bring myself to their level. Any advice?
I've just found your channels recently and love them a lot but gotta say, it's much easier to just listen cause when I watch, all I can think about is how great your smile is!
I’m moving to Dallas next year from Australia... but every time I visit my opener is “hey what’s up?” They’ll smile and say hi & then I’ll ALWAYS ask “are you from here?” - they say yes / no, often ask me where I’m from and then boom easy
Honestly these are the simplest, easiest and most effectieve methods to use. Most people skip or forget about these when they try to become more social...
Hey! Please make a video on how to talk to someone who is sad to make them feel better, would be very interesting. Help me thumbs this up so he sees it :D
next monday imma start a conversation w/ my new classmate that i liked in a school i just moved to, hope i do good cuz ive never benn that good with small talk that much lol
Hey Charlie, I've been watching your videos and I'm really enjoying your content. I'm curious, are you able to break down what creepy salespeople do to guilt you into buying their product-and how to avoid that? I have some ideas but would love to hear your take on that. I've been approached several times and I feel observed and judged and then sort of awkwardly complimented and I always feel awful trying to detangle myself from their invasive behaviour. Then I always feel better knowing I didn't give in. How is that then supposed to be a marketing strategy? Again, would be very interested in hearing how you analyse that one.
1. Yeah I've been doing that, its good to show that you are not an all-knowing smartass and you can catch people being really enthusiastic about their answer. 2. Works if you have common views, barely ever did for me except if the other person just giggles to be nice. 3. "I don't think I've met you yet" "Um yea" "......." "......." "ok see you around" "yea cya"
