I’m glad you were diagnosed. It does make sense or give reasons for why, for so many areas of life. I was diagnosed at 47, and I’m in my 50s…I decided to be childless in my mid-to-late twenties, and while I love children, I’m glad I made that decision. It’s great to be the ‘cool Auntie’. 😊 💜
Likewise. I felt completely incompetent at taking care of myself in my mid-20s, and decided to get my tubes tied as I couldn't imagine taking being responsible for another human. I'm 72 and was just diagnosed two years ago. It has explained so many decisions I've made over the years.
I was diagnosed six months ago at age 70, and found this webinar to be really helpful and informative. One point in particular rang true for me. Dr. Nadeau mentions her hypothesis that women with ADHD tend to have fewer children because they don't feel confident of being able to handle the challenges of child-rearing, especially when combined with other responsibilities. I talked with my psychiatrist about this just last month. I had my tubes tied when I was 25 for exactly that reason, even though at the time I didn't know that I had ADHD. I just knew that I could barely take care of myself. I could keep one or two plates spinning, but give me more and some of them would end up on the floor. I like kids, I enjoy my nieces and nephews and friends' children, but I didn't feel that I count on myself to be a consistently conscientious parent. Whether I would have been proven right or wrong is beside the point. The fact is that I had no confidence. A second point I appreciated addressed the exaggerated risks of prescribing stimulant medications for older adults (see 55:18 and 59:09). I've had mild heart palpitations, especially tachycardia, off and on since the 80s. My psychiatrist was somewhat reluctant to prescribe, but consulted with my cardiologist, who gave the okay for ADHD medications, including stimulants, if I started at a low dose, increased gradually, and notified her if I had any unusual symptoms. I started Adderal a few months ago at a very low dose (5mg) and increased very slowly. No heart issues of any kind. I just hit 40mg last week, and my productivity has increased dramatically. One end of my living room had been piled high with file boxes, unread mail, empty Amazon shipping boxes, and other stuff. Somewhere at around 20mg/day I started working on it and it is now clean, tidy and completely usable. The meds aren't an instant fix; I'm still working on developing the skills and habits to keep up with my work. But they really help me to focus and stay with a task instead of wandering off in a dozen different directions every five minutes.
Fascinating points as just diagnosed w/ inattentive adhd a few weeks ago and I'm 52. I have been dealing w/ depression since college- probably part of ADHD. I decided when I was around 30, that I couldn't deal w/ a relationship, let alone children. I never 'announced' it but knew deep inside that I could barely take care of myself. Unfortunately, I felt a lot of shame w/ depression which led to never having a partner. I am trying to build more self-compassion for myself and these videos are validating. Take care
Working from home for ADHD can be a nightmare, without meds. I lose half of the day in distractions and then panic work to try to compensate, feeling super stressed and almost always I finish work very late.
Covid lockdowns almost drove me completely nuts. I simply can’t do it. I feel like I always start out everything already behind. Very thankful when I finally was able to go back to work! I do not like hanging around all day, knowing there’s stuff to do but I have NO structure to help me get it done. That is a recipe for my ADHD brain to destroy me.
68 and it took the death of my Partner of 45 years,for me to see how Well we supported each other in our different forms of ADHD. Forever Grateful for for his love and patience.
I'm sorry for your loss dear❤️, I was recently diagnosed now I'm 54 my daughter too have ADHD we have been using cbd oil from albovegateway and microdosing shroom, it's a slow progress but it's made a difference.
@@tamicahardina980....Interesting.. both didn't make any difference for me and I am in your age. And I am in a selfhelp group, several guys told the same.
I’m sorry for your loss. I am 43 in my husband who was 49 died suddenly of a heart attack less than a year ago. He was very grounding in my life and would maintain the household for us. As you can imagine, the place has been chaos ever since he left The planet. Thank God I’m in a new relationship with a man who also supports me in this area. It’s so hard.
A highlight was when a listener asked if it was worth getting a formal diagnosis later in life-- age 73 or post-menopause. Dr. Nadeau's answer was resounding- yes- it's worth it. Even if you strongly suspect that you have it. Still get the diagnosis. I needed to hear that.
Finally! I’ve been😊 looking for this topic since my diagnosis 6 weeks ago!!! I actually scanned the comments before the video. I’m not the only one. God bless everyone who worked for this. For us. Thank you. Now, to the video.
I am taking stimulants, but not the specific ones for ADHD, I am 77 years and since 50 's years taking them, but as they didn't have enough result, the psychiatrist doubled the dose. Amongst them, I've taken also Specific stimulants for adhd once oficially diagnosed, with good results, but decided to stop them, afraid of the heart consequences at my age. The stimulants I take are inhibitors of serotonine r. which main component is PAROXETINA qnd at night MIRTAZAPINA. Mental Health State Psyquiatrists (not Private) are reluctant to change medicina.
I see so many comments re: not having children because they, themselves have A.D.D. Just want to give my perspective. I was diagnosed in adulthood long after having 3 children (within 3 yrs). Yes! I can now look back & see clearly that my severe struggles with feeling constantly overwhelmed were due to A.D.D. (not an inability to parent). But, despite overwhelm, I was and am a GREAT mom. I instinctively knew to wait until my 30's, when I could stay home full-time. I instinctively knew I needed high structure, a simple, predictable routine, and support from my husband for tasks that were less predictable or exhausting for me (soccer practice til 9pm). I created a very "minimalist environment" and dumped tasks that were unnecessary in the busiest seasons of child rearing. So, seasons of no flower gardening, no indoor plants, hair in a ponytail every day, simple exercise, very simple, repetitive meal plans. I just want to say it IS challenging, but I learned so much about what's really important to me and my own limitations. I have a child with A.D.D., too. Its not easy. But, life is about choices for everyone...A.D.D. or not. ♥️🇨🇦
I feel stupid and that Ive done something wrong almost daily. God if I was diagnosed as a child my life would be different. Shy, quite daydreamers dont get much attention. I felt my mistakes were 10x bigger and rarely did I get it right. Impulsive is at another level. good thing hubby has a good job. I hated school, grade 12 was is for me.
I'm 52 and just realising that I have adhd. Your post reminded me of an instance when I was 7. A teacher asked me to do something and inban instant I forgot what she had asked and she said I had "a memory like a sieve!" Everytime after that if she asked me to do something I'd go into a mental panic, petrified I was going to misunderstand or forget and this has carried on into my adult life without knowing why.
@@arabellacox After I once again didn't get my homework done, my 6th grade teacher told me, "You're a day late and a dollar short and always will be." I'm 72 now, diagnosed two years ago, and I can still hear those words. And sadly, they are often still true!😂 But at least I finally understand why and don't feel as ashamed as I did before Dx.
I was diagnosed at 70! I feel my life was destroyed because I wasn’t diagnosed at a younger age. I was abused by the health system that tried to squeeze me into their preferred, and funded, diagnoses and insistence on drugging me with inappropriate and damaging psychotropic drugs to control me and manage their misdiagnosis! This was partly the fault of politicians who in their ignorance refused to accept ADHD and allow and facilitate appropriate diagnosis and treatment for ADHD (better defined as EFD - Executive Function Deficit) My ‘ADHD’ became unmanageable with the onset of menopause and has spiralled into severe dysfunction and impairment ever since.
Then add being a black woman in America on top of that dealing with sexism and racism. I never in my life desired children or marriage because I saw the hell my mother had to go through in the house hold along with most the women I know they treat their husband's like children doing everything for them then still being berated for not doing enough. It's absolute trash. I wish I could go to therapy. I crave that, and when I got my official diagnoses, I was also diagnosed with depression and strongly advised to go to therapy but then I got laid off from my job and my insurance is garbage so unfortunately I can't afford therapy at the moment.
I decided to get evaluated for adhd at age 48 after my son’s therapist recognized that I also had symptoms. The doctor I went to had me do computer tests before I met with her. The first thing she asked me was to describe a typical day. When I finished she said, “I don’t have to even look at your test results, I already KNOW you have ADHD. 😂 Unfortunally, I haven’t learned to manage it much better over the 15 years since, but having the diagnosis helped me to accept myself more.
Diagnosis is Liberation: from my misunderstandings, and from the judgment of others. •My ex actually had a gag order written into our divorce, and he was holding my cats in a hidden location so I had to say yes. •He also wrote a self-help book about the tortoise and the hare, promoting the tortoise style, and damning me as his example of the hare. •That was over 20 years ago, and at 68, I’m still highly hyperactive. He lives in another country now, and I have no way to tell him, so I’ll tell you: on my brain map, brain damage is recognized as more than 2 standard deviations from the mean. After my 4 head injuries,(between ages 1 and 27) I am 6 standard deviations higher in 8 areas of my brain. So that extreme judgement of my ‘flaws’ is false. I have permanent brain damage. And there may be other people who have tried as hard as me, to overcome it, but there is no-one who has tried harder. •You might not know how much you owe yourself a diagnosis, until you get it.
I got diagnosed when I was nearly 40. My daughter has ADHD and is Bipolar with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. To say it has been a challenging life is a gross understatement.
It’s like this entire video is a complete list of me and my behavior, thoughts, activity, issues!!😮😮😮 Diagnosed with ADHD in my 30’s and have never taken medication due to heart issues. I had not thought ahead to the future and how retirement and lack of a forced structure may affect me. Definitely things to think of. I did have 4 kids but now I look back and I am sad at how much I missed out on just enjoying them because I felt so scattered all the time. Always in a hurry. Always late. Always feeling messy and disorganized as well as lazy. Always feeling like I didn’t measure up. Entertaining at home…… not if I can avoid it unless it’s people I am super comfortable with like my sisters or parent’s.
Autism is often marked by co occurring ADHD. Got my ADHD diagnosis at 29 and at 31 1 notice the autism, I’ve had great success with the cbd oil and microdosing shroom, this won’t affect your health if you’re worried about your heart condition, look up albovegateway
I’m with you on regretting how much you missed out on with your kids - I’m the same. Just diagnosed at 47. Can’t really recall much of their childhood at all, which makes me really sad.
I really wish there was a support group, even online, here in Cape Town, South Africa, for older women with ADHD. Was also diagnosed very late - at age 69 - it brought such clarity to my personal history and struggles. I think I spent about 6 months in mourning all the mistakes, relationship failures and chaos that I created with all the best intentions. I've been trying to catch up with learning life skills and unraveling tangled knots, but still struggle with so much. As they say ' pills don't teach skills'!
I think I spent a year grieving after getting diagnosed with adhd and asd(Asperger). So much heartache in my past. I'm finally getting help but it's slow progress (baby steps). Facing financial crisis mostly caused by effects of dealing with this and other diagnoses that I lived with, without knowing I needed help.
I asked a doctor for an ADHD diagnosis and he said “no you don’t have it”. He asked me no questions and this was the first time he had seen me but he mentioned that I suffer from anxiety! My son,daughter and granddaughter have ADHD.
Wow, that is awful. Please don't let that stop you in getting assessed for ADHD. That doctor has absolutely no basis for saying that. I had a psychiatrist say the same to me. She also never tested me. Got diagnosed later by a different doc.
Get a referral to a Psychiatrist of you can. Psychiatrist can order testing by a Neuropsychologist. It's grueling testing, but at the end, they will be able to diagnose you if you have adhd, and other things you may be unaware of.
Actually I think I read some research that said that men often leave or divorce wives who have any sort of diagnosed neurodivergence or disability....whilst women much more often stand by their men regardless of such conditions.
Please remember this information is within the last 5 maybe 10 yrs. When we were children/teens this information was not available. At least when I was child/ teen/ young adult. ❤❤
I’m 48 and I recently saw a Mel Robins podcast episode about women being diagnosed later on in life with ADHD and quite honestly the way she said how ADHD shows itself internally in women fit me to a T. So I’m in the process of looking into being diagnosed .
Please seek the help of a therapist or ADHD coach. I understand the devastation that accompanies a later-age diagnosis, but believe that with meds and other help, there IS hope at better engaging our executive functions - there's still much to accomplish and enjoy in life!
Ugh. I work as an executive assistant. I was let go from my last job due to struggling with executive function. I've developed a lot of skills to help and am succeeding more in my new role but this new role is much more forgiving and pays nearly half as much. The literal cost of ADHD is astronomical.
Thank you🤗 I’m 74 and understanding my life in the context of ADHD has been life changing. I only figured this out about 6 months ago. My physician has prescribed bupropion XL and just taking the low dose is like a “pause” button for me. Although I have developed my executive skills quite well, the stress of constantly monitoring my behaviour has been exhausting- and of course unsuccessful at times. I still have some fences to mend, particularly with my daughters. But I’m much happier now that I understand. I can move forward now🙏🏼
Another 70-something here. I was diagnosed two years ago at age 70. Better late than never, but I surely wish it could have been sooner! I also take a low dose of bupropion, along with 20-40mg of Adderal. If I get a good night's sleep I take the whole 40mg, but often I only manage 3-4 hours so I take less as I don't want to stress my heart. All the best to you!
Some of the things she said really hit home. I would love to have children but I am too afraid of the demands of parenting. If I can't even organize myself how in the world could I care for a child? I am very curious about the nightmares and wonder if there is such a thing as ADHD nightmares. I always thought these are related to the epilepsy medication I take. But it was only a couple days ago when I realized the themes in my very vivid almost daily nightmares correlate with the struggles I have in real life like forgetting/losing things, rejection sensitivity or not being on time. I would love to see a study on this one.
I didn't have children for exactly the same reasons, I don't have a formal diagnosis yet, but the executive function side of parenting put me off and the need for space and quiet. At 53 I still find the basics difficult but easier now I know why I find it impossible to do them.
I also did not have kids for exactly this reason -it was impossible to fathom how I would care for and raise other human beings when my own self-care was so hard. Now, 20 yrs post diagnosis, I do not regret that decision for myself. I have compassion and deep respect for every woman with ADHD -whichever decision she makes.
I have raised three children and am happily married to the father of these children even after 25 years. We have had really hard times, but my decision to have children was always the right one. I was diagnosed with ADHD only a year ago in my mid-50s.
I too have not felt ready to have children. I also get dreams that are vivid and are often about being late to work or being stuck at work trying to solve a problem.
My primary physician recommended a couple places for diagnosis since I figured that's what has been going on 73 years. It costs $2,000-$2,500 to get a diagnosis, I can't do that. I wish I could find a peer support group in Philadelphia, but I cannot find anything. I have so many memories and feelings that now make sense. Everything mentioned in this apply to me. What to do. I have been "self-medicating" a very long time. Dexedrine in the 70's until my source died, then an Excedrin, one caffeine pill and sometimes Sudafed 12-hour. This is my own found solution. But I sure could use tips on many domestic and social things.
I'm pretty sure that, by law, your insurance has to cover mental health (to talk to someone about getting a diagnosis). Here's what I found when I Googled it: "A set of 10 categories of services health insurance plans must cover under the Affordable Care Act. These include doctors' services, inpatient and outpatient hospital care, prescription drug coverage, pregnancy and childbirth, mental health services, and more." And I would think it's the same for Medicare.
I am 37 - diagnosed with Ovarian failure at 21. For me, I could never imagine having children because of the way I feel and see the world, so having been told that I physically couldn’t have was my saving grace. I am so glad I found this video - I face a further 2 years to wait for official ADHD diagnoses but I finally feel my feelings around being childless is validated.
Hi! I am 61 and I still await a diagnosis in the NHS UK. I have been waiting since 2023, a year appx. But I know that they are on a long waiting list. My husband is very patient and tolerant with my ADHD. We have been best friends since I was 22 and married since 1996. Still very happy! We rescue dogs as and when we can. I have always been the poor member of my wealthy family. I'm an artist and an elocution teacher for 16 hours a week. I have 15 chronic conditions-mental and physical!
I have found that Cass the clutter bug is an organizational person that’s on RU-vid and has even live zoom workshops. She is ADHD and has great understanding and great suggestions and helps at getting uncluttered.
I was very relieved to finally understand why I have struggles in the past, rejection dysphoria, mental block to sit down and pay bills when the money was there to do so, rocking myself to sleep still and since I can remember. Impulsiveness, inability to finish college, anger issues, problems with drugs, incarceration, alcohol, many auto accidents and tickets....and more.
@chrispasson1940 Thank you for speaking up! It is a relief to know someone faces same or similar issues. I am open to further discussion if you've a mind to do so. Thanks again!
Thank you so much for this talk and recognizing that perimenopause indeed impact women with ADHD And is understudied! I never got diagnosed with ADHD until this time period. And ironically, it is right when women are at the peak of their careers, which demand more focus than ever. 😮
I am 78 years of age and but never diagnosed Starting as a child I've struggled.Scattered,losing keys phones.I had a fifty year nursing career which was challenging because I had to figure out how to do it ,So I did develope alcoholism.That was hard and I stuggled to stay sober.Of course anxiety and depression .My self esteem was so lowbeca
So GOOD!! And I HAVE to weigh in regarding divorce... I have been with my high school sweetheart since 1980!! Just found out I am ADHD 6 months ago!!! He is VERY easy going!! 🤪🥰
I loved Dr Nadeau's descriptions of her talks with her grand daughter - I know what the girls' (her grand daughter's friends) are saying about not wanting to be women, but to be ourselves. Absolutely! I was offering a cousin advice on how to post Wordle results, and I suspect that she'd be happier to accept and use them if I were a male cousin... So, neither Ms, Mrs or Miss!
I've struggled all my life just diagnosed at 61 having retired it got worse. I can relate to so much in this video. Thank you for this it's made me accept who I am!
Wow I thought I was diagnosed late at 44! Now I’m 69, and relate to the unstructured retirement. And I can now explain why I never had kids despite always wanting them. BTW I’m a huge fan of Dr. Nadeau, owning several of her books! ❤
Thus is an excellent discussion. Thank you. I am 66 and I recognise myself 100% and come up verg. High on the test sheet. I'm a creative person and I find writing poetry and sharing before and online during the pandemic, (I also run writing for wellbeing workshops) opened up a brand new way to express myself but my home is disorganised so I'm never settled. I daily swim in the sea and this centres me in the experience and brings my great joy.
I’m using the cbd oil for my adhd and so is my daughter (she’s also using the gummies), it’s really helping us manage it. Found out about mine very late but I’m glad my daughter got diagnosed and is using the right supplement to deal with it. I get them from albovegateway
I get frustrated that people who have known me for a long time still don’t understand how difficult adhd is and why I don’t always understand what they’re saying. Sometimes I just want to end it all
Diagnosed at 74 by 2 psychiatrists. Tremendously helpful for removing a lifetime of guilt and shame. Interrupting, talking too much, over sharing, occasionally rude or blurting insensitive comments, self isolation, information junkie and talent collector. ADHD did not exist for girls or teens in my youth.. I didn’t know about ADHD, pre computers until my son was diagnosed in the early 1980’s. I also had atypical migraines, fibromyalgia and extensive food allergies. I often feel that I sound like a hypochondriac because each or these conditions can effect the others which all effect ADHD. Boo! I was married to a narcissist who divorced me when I got sick at 60. (I was broke, but probably the best thing that happened to me). Because I was married to a very controlling, critical man… my home is orderly and I’m a bit overly vigilant.
I am 68 and am in the process of getting diagnosed. This webinar described me and my history 💯%. It explains so much about things that I struggle with.
I was diagnosed at 39 years old 3 months ago after 7 years of trying to get tested. I’m also on Adderall XR and it has been a godsend. Now I want to get my 74 year old mother diagnosed as well. I think it’ll even help her heart and blood pressure!
I hear people say it took so long to get tested and that sounds so frustrating. I guess there’s the stereotype that only children and mainly boys have ADHD. I got diagnosed as a middle aged man, and my GP didn’t hesitate to do a quick questionnaire and prescribe a low dose stimulant
I’m so glad that I finally know I have ADHD at age 52, but I’m frustrated that I can’t take the medication because I have high blood pressure. It would be so nice to know what it feels like to have just a few hours a focused clarity that my adult son describes when he started taking ADHD meds.
Hi! I got diagnosed at 51. Medication (Adderal) made my blood pressure skyrocket!! My Dr put me in Concerta, and I’ve had no issues with BP. She said that the longer lasting meds, rather than the fast acting is less stressful on the system. Hope that helps! ❤
It would be good to know whether your doctor is knowledgeable about the interaction between high BP and stimulants, or whether this is just an assumption. My BP Is kept in a decent range with Metoprolol and Lisinopril, and I take magnesium to minimize episodes of heart palpitations and tachycardia. Still my cardiologist gave the okay for Adderal as long as I am monitoring BP and promised to notify her immediately if I have symptoms. I'm not saying your doctor is wrong, just that a second opinion might be appropriate. Good luck!
@@DonnaMcMasterRiverwhat kind of magnesium do you take and how much? I’m in the process of getting a clearance from my cardiologist. I hope I can try stimulants.
I'm doing a distance-learning degree. I'm doing my final year this autumn. Last year a tutor said to me that i am a 'visual learner' and this got me thinking and realising that all my foibles and 'funny habits' like choosing the wrong words when I'm speaking, forgetting conversations and things I've agreed to, difficulty in reading and keeping my concentration and being able to write a high mark on my essays - because my university won't allow me to see examples of well-structured essays to model mine on. Maths at school was my worst subject and around the age of 14 i remember feeling like everyone else in the class understood the teacher except me - but I never knew I had an issue. One time when I was at my job (jobs have been few) my boss said he wanted me to take "the safe key home" and I immediately thought a key that is safe? 9 times out of 10 I get the 'wrong end of the stick'. If anyone gives me an instruction it has to be in the exact specific words or I will misinterpret them. And so on and so on. It's exhausting! Thing is, I would love to be able to take up a professional role with the university when I complete my degree - my peers have said what a great tutor I would make, but I worry that I don't have what it takes to fulfill the role (organisation, remembering the right facts of the subject, etc). Any suggestions would be much appreciated.
You need to follow what you desire as in becoming a tutor. Some great Academic leaders are scatter brained! As long as you focus on performing your work or your students you will do fine. I hyper focus at work or when I was in college but the rest of my life is chaos. I get by somehow but it isn’t in the traditional sense. I pay my bills (mostly on time) and feed my boys and take care of my pets. But I can’t and don’t do it all very well-I would recommend being as minimalist as possible. The advice I was given was to keep a rigid routine, exercise regular, and get enough sleep. Exercise can really improve your focus-I used to run and needed no medication for over ten years.
I was diagnosed several months ago. At first it was illuminating to know that I have ADHD. I could connect with a way of understanding why I've been the way I am. Now I'm overwhelmed with all the labels and co-existing problems. I also have OCD and the literature on this is convoluted. I'm also very disturbed about all the talk on OUD or substance abuse. I've been dealing with chronic health problems that cause a great deal of pain. I've never been "addicted" to any type of substance. All the talk about this is very negative especially with the present day hyperfocus on addiction to opioids. This is harmful if not understood well and it does impact the way we're seen. I don't have the financial resources to be treated professionally. My PCP prescribes and I see a therapist twice a month. I'm still struggling. I purchased books hoping they will help me (if I can get through it) The world is not geared towards my way of thinking or anything. Everything seems to revolve around money and I'm at a disadvantage. I'm divorced because of my very late diagnosis of ADHD and OCD. I've never felt like anyone could ever understand me and I'd just fall into another relationship where I am always trying to explain myself. I feel like a freak. I'll be alone the rest of my life. Yeah. I need a lot of help. I'm not hyperactive at all. None of this is easy to cope with. So I leave with even more anxiety. I think I ruined my longest friendship cuz I couldn't stop myself from saying something that I knew wouldn't go over well. I immediately regretted it. Too late. This crap blows ‼️😓🫣
@@katellaI do practice kindness to myself. That's not the problem. But I won't waste your time with anymore questions. BTW I am not OCD. I have BFRB's that are not considered to be OCD. You all charge so much. I can't afford to be seen by a specialist. This is why the country is such a mess. 😢
I am turning 33 in two weeks and just got diagnosed last month. The fact that women older than me were able to make it to retirement before having enough issues to warrant seeking a diagnosis is quite impressive.
I am only 25. When was diagnosed 3 years ago, I was first relieved and felt validated. Finally all my mistakes and issues had a cause and are not character flaws!! But then I felt regret, I was diagnosed after I graduated university and I barely made it. If I known sooner and was medicated, I might have had a better experience at college and earned a GPA high enough to be expected into a masters program! I have learned a lot about myself since then and recognize my struggles at work and home. Due to life events, I am finally looking for a therapist that can help me develop skills to manage my ADHD.
You still have time to do more education and forge a career. View your diagnosis NOW as a gift of the decades a lot of us missed out on due to being diagnosed at 64 (in my case). I realise now I could have had the career I dreamed of if I'd been able to focus on study and not been so distracted or impulsive. But now I no longer think of myself as being lazy, hopeless and a terrible person for having a messy house and not having trained my children to out their toys away. Self-understanding is a gift at any age, I believe.
I'm sooo happy I found this channel. I immediately shared it on fb and hope many more people will follow, listen and appreciate the knowledge your team provides.
😅I seem to get more out of, and relate more to the women oriented videos about ADHD… I’m a 35year old male who was just diagnosed. No ideas what to make of this information, but there it is.
Re: social stresses. You said it's more painful for women..I don't know if that is true as you said it. I feel like neurotypical women are much more judgemental than men regarding ADHD symptoms. Like you said being required to manage homes and management in business but being sometimes hyper organized and sometimes chaos agents and then judged as incompetent. That is why it's more painful. Women are more tolerant of their husbands but not their co-workers or friends.
I think neurotypical women without children/ husbands /siblings with ADHD only know the myths. They really have no understanding of the real symptoms. It is hard for neurotypical people in general to comprehend the effects of ADHD or don't want to try to understand it. I was diagnosed at 49, I am 58 now. I am glad that I got the diagnoses. After 9 years on medication for anxiety and ADHD, I am still learning myself and how to learn how to be organized. There are a couple of RU-vid ladies that have helped me in the home category: Dana K. White and Cass from Clutterbug. Declutter,declutter declutter.
I haven’t been diagnosed yet but I’m pretty sure this is what I’m dealing with. I have been very happily married for 42 years (met 44 years ago). It is possible when you marry the right person.
I needed to hear the part about having a simplified life so you can cope with not being very good at managing the stuff and the stuff of life. I thought I was doing a simplified life but I realise I am really not - very timely advice for me. Thank you so much for this video - I really needed to hear all of this.
Its not easy being a mother with ADHD but I would do it again and again and again. I think getting the ADHD diagnosis and going on medication has helped me become a better mother.
I was diagnosed at 42y old. And it is wild to me, how well most of what is said, matches me and my life... From choices about becoming a parent, to the 1. and 2. marriage, avoidence ... just all of it. Thank you for this. It really help me to both see my self, but also giving my self a bit of grace. Im actually managing really well, all things considered. And also, actually have developed some really helpfull strategies... and feel supported in developing more, on my own terms.
This whole discussion is very validating and relative to my own struggle with being late Dx at 35 finally. I can relate to so much of this it’s crazy! The ending😂 with tech issues so adhd problems lol
For me, masking involves so many lies. Just plain lies. For instance if I have a list of tasks, and I forget one of them, I will lie and say that there just wasn't enough time to do it or that there was traffic on the way, or something. Anything but admitting that I made an ADHD mistake. Again.
I'm here because my daughter's teachers flagged some things. My reaction was, no, she's just a mini-me! As I did my research on it to help my daughter, the penny dropped! Ohhhhh so I'm not stupid, lazy, and too emotional.... if only I had this when I was 8 years old.
I actually believe there are just as many people who have ADHD as not. Why is it that we are accused of seeking drugs (stimulants) when we just want to act normal. No. Not normal. That’s boring, but to get general things done so we can continue being awesome.
This presentation has been the best one I have seen so far that really covers all I've been experiencing and has helped me validate in my own head my struggles and diagnosis! Thank you so much, I have shared it with family members to help them also understand that my diagnosis (received last week) is real and it's not just "well, everybody does those things sometimes".
Thank you for this clarity on my condition. I also purchase multiple self help course that I don’t start. I’m still working on getting the appropriate help to reduce my clutter even mentioning it now is giving my anxiety Yet I could listen to podcasts like this all day.
I struggle to understand how these successful women have the same disorder i do. Of 17:07 made assumptions. The addition of severe emotional neglect and physical abuse starting in infancy move me into another world of very low self esteem and self destructive behaviors. Im 70 and still struggling with most behaviors.
The very sad thing is having adhd as well as abusive and neglectful parents. Mine were in every way possible, so I have complex ptsd, known to me in my late 40s as well as adhd, diagnosed last year in mid 50s. Had to push really hard to be heard and rejected at first by many psychiatrists as too complex. It is very complex, but you just know. The problem is the trauma responses and shutdowns push the adhd ones right up and any system I have going for a bit is just demolished and forgotten when in a freeze or flight state, for some time. It's demoralising. 9 years post menopause. I found last year on one of these webinars can feel like dementia. Which it does. All so much worse to manage. I hear you on the job front. I had a good job. Had one child and never went back to work. Paid our mortgage beforehand, as I intuitively knew I couldn't do it all. But I've been made to feel like a leech ever since. By myself and others. The part about planning simple living really got to me.
@@mishmash2136 You sound a lot like me. I've always tried to implement systems - I love systems! - but they keep collapsing. I hadn't connected the freeze/flight (particularly freeze for me) to increasing my difficulty implementing and maintaining structure and order. Chilldhood abuse and neglect really complicates this. Maybe I"m going to soon just accept my limitations (mid-60s) due to my special brain and myhistory and live life on my own terms.
@user-nn1xp9wy1k I have noticed other people living as you have described and accepting and adapting. This is what I'm leaning toward. I think it would help me feel I have some agency. The challenge is to get those around me on board with it too, and downsize the amount and type of help from me that they keep needing.
my bandwith is very depleted right now, I'm in university right now wondering if I made the right career decision. I'm studying graphic design, even though design is something that I like, the design process it's so hard because I can't get myself to focus and I dread it everytime. Just trying to keep up with multiple projects at the same time has been so depleting. I had read a quote that said "Took all my physical, mental, emotional, spiritual strenght", and that's how I've been feeling all this time. At least, being unable to manage these things was the last straw that made me look for help, investigate and find out I had Adhd. I'm still waiting for an official diagnosis since I don't have a lot of money right now and the psychologist at school wasn't helpful. I've just come to terms that I may not be well fitted for school, although I do very well on "absorbing" the information of my own, I've never been able to be a good student and it's just tiring to feel like a failure every day.
I literally felt like I was reading something I wrote while reading your comment. I’m also majoring in graphic design and feeling so burnt out. Finally made an appointment to get an evaluation. My appointment is in about a month. Sending you hugs.
Karolcat and Killer - I'd like to offer some hope to you both! I'm a user experience designer, researcher, and educator. I'm 60, female, diagnosed with ADHD at 40 years old. A degree program in graphic design can definitely overwhelm an ADHD brain without strategies and support: long hours of "hyperfocus" on the screen, "thought-looping" on complex, detailed tasks makes it hard to pull back and complete work (does your brain turn into the rainbow wheel of doom?). VERY challenging! I won't sugar-coat it, design is about producing something and this is definitely difficult for our kind. BUT, we ADHDers are well-suited to a design career, if we can find the right niche. We are often creative and tend to be holistic, systems thinkers who shine when we collaborate on ideas with teams of people. There's a need for this in organizations that deliver services both in-person and online (which is basically EVERY service today). There are product/service design roles where ADHDers can-with training-apply our superpowers to great effect. Keep practicing graphic design, but also PLEASE explore courses and internships in Human-Centered Design Thinking, User Experience Design and Research, Service Design, or Innovation training programs. Read up on these fields and areas of practice! Many of us started in graphic design and we use those skills, but we also apply our ADHD superpowers to solve really complex problems related to how people experience interacting with businesses through digital apps, devices, and sites online (and no, this work is a whole lot more than web design!). Experience designers and researchers still have to sit and do work in front of computers, but much of the work we do engages the ADHD brain because tasks are CHALLENGING, NOVEL, MEANINGFUL and often involve COLLABORATION with people who think like we do. Depending on the role, we can also be generalists, using a variety of skills and tools day-to-day. I've struggled with ADHD on the job my whole life, but at the same time, I managed to find success and satisfaction in an field that played to the strengths of my type of brain. And, I found my tribe there. I have faith you both will, too.
@@user-po3ir2tx5zThank you so much for commenting! I needed to hear this. I’m actually really enjoying my interactive design class (despite the burn out), which aligns with what you mentioned. Found myself wishing I was solely focusing on that subject. Will definitely look more into human centered design, etc. 🙂
I just got diagnosed at 55. It was a huge relief to finally have an answer to why I’ve struggled so much all my life. I haven’t started treatment as yet but I can’t wait to see what type of success I’ll have finally feeling “normal”. It feels like a great new chapter to my life is about to begin!
Wauw! This is so relatable..I must say I really think its our environments that really dont suit us. If I could in a different society I think I would thrive. Im actually a very good listener so i dont have all symptoms...but i actually felt before i had a adhd diagnose that probable having kids would make my life umbearable in this world we live it (i think its very sad i had to make this choice). I'm 36.
If I am misunderstanding someone on the phone, social setting or other now, I tell them I have adhd and immediately I feel there is an acceptance that I struggle and it eases the pressure of having to understand straight away.
A lot of what Dr Nadeau said resonated with me. I haven’t been diagnosed year but I’m on a waitlist to be tested. I am currently on Strattera and after starting the meds I have noticed that I don’t beat myself up about my forgetfulness or lack of attention or distractibility. After learning I might have ADHD years ago, I tried to mask and deny I had these problems. At least nowadays I think others are discussing it more and we are learning that it’s more prevalent, and that even really smart and successful professionals have it. I do feel so much better about talking my symptoms these days. 😊
So insightful! I was diagnosed at 38. It felt like an acknowledgement, but at the same time, I was skeptical of the label. I tried medication once, but only after much relationship upheaval and a divorce, and also many years of constant anxiety about how to organize my life and work. I would always fall short. Organization tools never worked, or only until the clutter, emails, tasks, etc, started to pile up again. For a long time, I focused more on how my developmental trauma patterns had played into the chaos in my life and brain. Now that I've healed a lot of that, I do see I still do have ADHD. I see more clearly that accepting myself is paramount, and that I need to reduce clutter and simplify my life. I'm now with a man who also has ADHD, which is sometimes challenging, but for the most part joyful and sparkly 😊 Also, for some reason I've attributed my parenting challenges more to intergenerational trauma than to ADHD, but now I see more clearly what role ADHD has played. I only have one child and could never imagine managing any more than one.
31:48 wow i never thought of attention in this way............when i paid attention to one thing when im trying to or needing to pay attention to something else i cannot self regulate its so SO difficult i can just BARELY get it under control.....it takes A LOT.
I intentionally did not have children because I always knew I would not be able to raise a child on my own and ……….. I never trusted anyone enough to take the risk of having a baby with them.
Incredibly valuable information. Diagnosed at 52 and so grateful to have this new chapter ahead. Learning more about the condition and specifically as it relates to older women, is so helpful!
I was diagnosed after not being able to file taxes for 8yrs I have paper anxiety and clutter. The accountant had to come to my home to get the paperwork I was able to comply for the next 9 yrs Then my accountant retired and am 2 yrs behind again I gave paralyzing dread with failure to take action I am a home care RN Excellent at my job be helpless to help myself Adderral works but I choose not to take it because of hypertension My life is a mess
Me too! Taxes are the worst! I have pajd so many fines and haven't had tax returnes because I didn't file. I totally freeze whenever the subject arises
I'm going to listen to all of this and am typing as I listen, but so far the comments suggest the solution is diagnosis and drugs. I have two sisters and we're all in our 60s. My sisters HAVE been diagnosed with ADHD and swear I have it as well and I haven't doubted that, just haven't ever seen a psychiatrist or spoken to my doctor about it. A couple years ago I switched to ketogenic, lo-carb eating and am currently mostly eating an all-meat (regenerative, organic farm animals) and animal fat diet, and feel like an entirely new person! Mood swings are gone and I'm on an even keel all the time, I'm able to focus and concentrate and get so much more done, my house is cleaner and more organized. I believe the benefits of this way of eating completely surpass anything a drug could give me. Something to consider, folks. God bless!
Ketogenic diet increased my energy but did not help my ADHD. Medication is helping me, but still trying new things slowly. You probably do not have ADHD, if changing your diet fixed all your symptoms. But, I could be wrong.
I have a wonderful, loving husband. He literally does not understand where I'm coming from when I try to explain why I do what I do (or rather, why I can't do things). I cannot take any ADHD medications due to electrical issues with my heart. I feel sometimes that I have no hope with this condition.
I couldn't find an evaluation that cost less than $600 locally. I can't do that..my primary care agrees I have it so I am trying meds. But I couldn't claim disability and I wish I could.
It is sort of a disability, definitely a disadvantage-but I think it is one that can be addressed and managed. It can be a super-power when you hyper-focus. I do not think a diagnosis of ADHD alone could ever qualify someone to receive disability payments though.
Because of lack of dopamine one can develop fibromyalgia and that can be very painfull to the point disability. Furthermore adhd can be so severe it does block any societal functioning so disability is a reality
I was diagnosed with at 42 , I choose not to have kids back when I was a teenager because of my issues , that at that time 1970-1980’s. We just didn’t know . But yes as a kid I noticed my mom’s side of family has issues.. stop the cycle!!! As my dads mothers side were child molesters
I didn't want children or marriage for a lon time. That changed in my late 20s. l probably would've been a horrible parent had my father not had inferred while I was pregnant that I wouldn't be a good parent. One of the motivating factors of adhd kicked in- I was challenged😊. I was determined to be the best mom ever and I suçcceded. Did i make mistakes, of course. But once I was challenged, I went into thar overdrive overachievement status we ADHDers' can go into.
A podcast would be no good for me coz it would generate thoughts and opinions so I listen to radio detective dramas at bedtime and I can fall asleep in an instant! I'm focused on the actors and the plot and my brain then stops thinking and I fall asleep. I cannot fall asleep without a radio drama.
