How Your Lack of Self Love Affects Your Relationships 

Same, but I'm afraid it wouldn't hurt to be selfish at times.

It's great that your therapist asked you to watch the show. Having watched it yourself, would you recommend that others watch it as well?

@@Psych2go It's fun if like drag but I don't find it entertaining.

Balancing is hard, and often buried within the conflict between being good to others and being good to yourself, like this “gray area” never exists… but in reality, balance is one of the keys to a better life!

SAME i am absolutely TERRIFIED of being selfish

I hope you do too 🥹💙💙💙

5) SETTLING*

@@Amy_desu thanks for telling me about this

@@A55a551n no probs bro

You're so helpful!

Thank you I needed this

@@Lianna_Is_Me hey what should I do should I go to my girlfriend graduation 👩‍🎓 and surprise my girlfriend and have the first dance 💃 with my girlfriend

@@mykolas8575 really how bro 😎

@@mykolas8575 hey so what should I do take my girlfriend on her graduation 👩‍🎓 day and have the first dance 💃 with my girlfriend do you think it will happen or no

Not to rag on you in particular, but there seems to be a presumption by a lot of people that "you deserve X", absent any evidence whatsoever. I am curious: what makes you think I deserve self-love? Because I can think of many reasons why I don't.

I feel that

Sorry that you had to go through that. Self-love is extremely challenging when your environment tells you otherwise. We wanted to ask, how are you doing now? How are you dealing with the hateful comments from your past?

Felt

I am the same way. I came from a family, which belittled me my whole life. However since I have moved away from them, I am starting to get better, but I still have bad days. I am still working on putting my needs before anybody else

@@jakelam5089 hey what should I do because I have not seen my girlfriend in 8 months and should I go to my girlfriend graduation 👩‍🎓 and surprise her and have the first dance 💃 with my girlfriend

Don't worry, mate. There is no such thing as being behind or forward in life, such as there is no such thing as the past or future. Meaning, there is only the present, and you are in the present right now. You are right where you need to be. Keep your journey of self-love up, I'm proud of you.

Boy, do I sympathize. I feel embarrassed to admit that I'm 37 and I'm barely starting to learn this. Do you ever do that thing where you talk to yourself as though you were someone else--like a "You, the Parent" version of you--then talk to yourself like someone you are responsible for? Shit makes me cry immediately.

I’m in the same boat XD.

Well, I believe you can interpret this for other relationships as well, like friendships and relationships with family. You don’t need a relationship to be a motivator to practice self love. You should love yourself regardless, and realize that those things take time! That way, if you do get into a relationship and it doesn’t work out, you know that you are still a lovable person.

@@ASweetShortCake is it weird that I have confidence and can talk to people but just don’t have self love?

@@darklord7979 I don’t think it’s weird at all. Many people struggle with it, even if they don’t seem like it. You can have confidence but still struggle with loving yourself, you just need to recognize the hurtful thoughts and upsetting emotions you have and realize that you are more than just them. Don’t dwell on them and give them power. Try to “interrupt” them, and realize that you deserve as much love as every one else. They’ll still exist, but you can still choose to recognize that you are only human.

Hehehe

Wow, that's actually very interesting. How has this worked for you? Have you already tried this advice your self?

This is why I can't be in a relationship

Unfortunately this happened to me to. Aside from having little to no self love, she was also insecure and not as mature as I was. She didn’t find her self attractive and didn’t want to communicate what she needed because she didn’t think I was doing it in a genuine way, only cuz she asked. I was willing to put in the effort but she couldn’t take it anymore because she would push me away and showed no interest. It was best to let go of something that was going to get worse for both of us. Some of her problems spilled onto me and now I need this time to find myself. In terms of ever getting back together when we grow up and mature , I don’t know because she blocked me and on top of that she said that from the very beginning it felt forced for her, so I guess none of it was real and all out of pity or because she only loved the idea of a relationship and was scared to be alone 😢🤷🏻‍♂️ I tried

@@averagejoepesci man, that really hits home for me. I didn't elaborate in detail, but your situation is exactly like mine. Fells weird, to be honest

@@Wind_Cursed I've read your comment under this video. Your point about being fine with not having a relationship makes sense to me, as it is a coping mechanism. Although I'm not quite sure whether it is a viable way of living, especially in the long run. Since we are very social beeings (biologically speaking, as a species), it *might* be better to search for something or someone that/who will assist you re- ord discover your self-esteem and self-love. The fact that people feel undeserving of love deeply saddens me. Especially because, for the most part, people who objectively deserve it the most, feel that way. You remind me of her in that sense. I wish you all the best and may you be happy with whatever choice you will eventually make! 🤍

@@calacestar You're right. I probably am going to get in a relationship eventually but the start of it is my problem. It starts with a crush, and when I have a crush on someone I become so afraid of telling them how I feel, and that's probably where the feeling of not wanting love or feeling undeserving of love comes in. Now, I've never dated before so I don't know how it will feel once it gets beyond the crush phase, but part of me is certain that part of why it seems so hard and makes me feel uncertain about it all is because I'm afraid to tell them how I feel. I've always thought communication was super important in any relationship, and I want to tell everyone I trust practically everything, and that includes people I have a crush on, so it pains me that I can't tell them how I feel because of anxiety so I try to stop liking them so I can get back to talking about everything, but that just causes more pain. And you know, that's probably my biggest problem and maybe if I overcome that, I can love myself again because then it goes back to me not having to worry about a big social piece Anyway, I appreciate your very kind words! Hopefully one day I can surpass this. Thank you!

I love you

I feel like many things in life are about exchanging one set of problems for a different set of problems. You just have to find the set of problems you are willing to put up with. 😢

You don't need to be afraid Just be your true self and you will find someone who truly love you and understand you

@@Simon0501 Social anxiety says otherwise. Besides, even if I did find that someone who understands me and loves me, how can they even know it's ME when I'm either a nervous wreck or, more commonly, and anxious mess whenever I'm around them? Can they see through it? Are there times I don't let my anxiety get the better of me and those are the times they see my true self and love that part of me? I would need to talk to them, but how can I do that if I'm always so worried about it?

I think you'll end up like me. Not noticing that you fall for someone, just to completely freak out once you realize what happened. You might end up depressed or even suicidal. Self love is hard when you resent yourself, but if you will try to be just little nicer to yourself or stop yourself from bad mouthing yourself every time you notice you're doing it. I promise that life will get better!

Thank you so much for sharing? We wanted to ask, what makes self-love challenging for you? And in your opinion, how does self-love affect your relationship?

I think it's just I got to a really deep point of hating myself, so it's hard to bounce back. My own mind is tricking me into thinking I'm not enough every time I try to do something and it doesn't go as planned. It affects my relationship really bad, because I'm still trying to be the ideal person, not myself and I'm ashamed of my interests so I don't like talking about them. Fortunately, my partner helps me get out of this and is really thoughtful.

Hello, my gf also lacks self love and sometimes does stuff she does not really want to do. I would like to know what I could do to make my gf feel better. How do you think you can overcome such a problem. If you could take some time to reply to this, I would be really grateful to you. Thanks for your time and I hope u start loving yourself more.

@@cuteram_en6075 I wish you all the best! Work on yourself, even if you don't do it for yourself but for your partner. I recently lost someone I though I would spend my life with because I wasn't strong enough. Don't make the same mistake.

@@Kamikaze_5105 Well.. If she is pushing herself to do something she doesn't like for you, then I think you should tell her that it's okay to dislike some stuff and you can come up with something both of you would enjoy. If it's a situation where she just can't say no to someone (like a friend or something) and also pushes herself to do something to appear nice or to make someone feel better then also talking with her about it might help. Just saying that she don't need to like everything and it's not rude to decline would maybe change something, but I'm not sure 'cause I don't know how your situation looks. But depending on the situation maybe when she's doing something she is passionate about you should tell her you're proud of her and point out the stuff she enjoys. I hope this helps somehow or I could come up with some other idea if you told me a bit more. I would be really happy to help you as much as I can. Also thank you very much, I hope so too, I'm gonna try working hard on that. (Sorry If I misunderstood something, I'm not native english speaker ^^')

Thank you so much for the generous donation! We wanted to ask, which part of the video did you resonate with the most?

​@@Psych2go The parts of expressing myself and setting boundaries are the parts which stood out. Then I think being mytrue self follows on. It is something I am looking at over my journalling.

Don't do it. Couldn't love myself and my ex got the worst part of it

I'm happy for you. I pushed away the person that i love the most. Hope that they are doing fine

When did you reach out? Immediately or did you wait?

Wish I saw this sooner. I did the same 😅

It's great that you're taking charge of your mental health. What kind of affirmations do you practice for your self-esteem?

Thank you for sharing something so personal for you. We wanted to ask, has therapy helped you with self-love? If so, how?

@@Psych2go It helped in some respects, mainly in teaching me how to sort out the sources of my negative self-talk, some of which came from assumptions and ideas drilled into my head by other people, others being a direct result of traumatic experiences that still affect me to this day. While self-love wasn't something I was specifically working on with my therapist, it did factor into how I had to approach the idea of self-care when trying to form better habits. Probably the most impactful thing that helped with self-love in that respect was self-compassion, learning to forgive myself for certain things that I did, as well as for things that I had no control over. It's still an ongoing process, and there are still some days where the negative self talk and intrusive thought spirals crop up, but slowly I'm getting there.

But I've already tried that. I've even succeeded to an extent, but... Anxiety has a reason to exist right now, and as long as it has a reason to exist, my self-love will be trash. I can't get rid of it, either

@@Wind_Cursed FR like no one can even understand enough to accept me. i had a mental illness since child. i always asked my self " Why Am I Like this ?" I wish i wasn't born in this world.

@@Getartsgaming Don't worry, I definitely understand. My anxiety has been the biggest jerk ever. Who needs an abuser or bully when you have anxiety in your mind, always pointing out your flaws and how things won't work out. Besides anxiety, my life is actually pretty great, but the anxiety drags it down. It stops me from doing what I want to do and it tells me I'm not good enough or that things will fail. It's a constant fight in my mind between me and my anxiety, and makes decision making really hard. But there is a reason we're on Earth. Perhaps it is to be there for another who struggles with anxiety. Or maybe something we don't know of yet. Maybe we've done something in the past that was good and helped someone. Maybe the reason is simply so that we can overcome anxiety, and lift those who are stuck by it up, give them the hope they have lost Then again, this comment is just a perfect example of the thoughts of my anxiety vs me. I'm a generally hopeful and optimistic person, it's just my anxiety that brings it all down. It's like the opposite of me. You can see how that can get really confusing really quickly in my life 😅

@@Wind_Cursed thx for ur words ,i can definitely relate and i appreciate for understanding . I hope i could stop my self trying to be someone who im not and try to be my self and other ways of overcoming the dark thoughts of anxiety and face my fears. Hoping for u as well.

@@Getartsgaming Thank you! I do hope things get better for you!

What is love

Why do we need love?

I don’t think love is all a human needs. We still need other basic things.

​@@darklord7979 I don't think so. I could literally starve myself to death with someone that loves me near me and I'd die happy

@@darklord7979 It’s a song reference, that’s all

I feel u bro fr. Its like i've been trapped from social anxiety, depression to the point where i hate my self and because of that i had lack of friends, lack of motivation, struggle when it comes to communication with others. My crush and i were classmates for 4 yrs and i hate that i didn't say a word or interesting thing. The moment i realized that the problem was My Self and i constantly REGRET everything.

Up until I was 20 I thought like you, then I met a girl called Debbie. 31 yrs later we are still going strong. Be happy and positive, always yourself, too. The RIGHT person will be attracted to you 🙏

Happy to help!

@CherryBlossom yeah, thank you.

Felt that

🥰

No problem 👍

Thanks 👍

What a coincidence! Or is it?.. 😉

Yea i feel that, maybe the thing that can comfort you is the realisation that every friend group is disfunctional to a certain extend. I used to worry how people would see me irl, because im overweight. I have been working out for the past like 2 years now so that kinda helped with the problem. I used to worry about how new people would talk about me, what names they'd use. But the realisation that no one actually gives a shit made me less anxious. The mindset im using rn is "treat people the way you wanna be treated", if you're kind and good to others, you WILL get that back.

Thank you so much for sharing. In your opinion, why do you think self-love is so difficult to practice for you?

@@Psych2go I think it’s hard for me for many reasons. I lack self-confidence in my looks and personality. I know I’m not ugly or a bad person, but I’m not outgoing and fun like a lot of people I’m pretty reserved. Im also apart of the LGBT community and I’m a black man so there’s difficulties dealing with those two identities and not quite feeling like I belong in either… I could go on but we’d be here all day lol

We're so sorry that you're in the process of divorce. It must be very though for you to be going through this.. In your opinion, how do you keep yourself from "giving all the love and money" in a relationship? Is this something that one can control?

@@Psych2go in some ways it can be controlled. When you're in a marriage relationship, it supposed to have an absolute honesty, trust, and things goes awry you give em (that includes money, in case if your spouse suffered a major life threatening accident and so on).y spouse was manipulative all this time and I was too blinded to see it until we parted ways. I was unemployed mostly last year, I was hemorrhaging money, although I had enough only to pay the mortgage and other responsibilities, but my spouse didn't thought that I was paying them responsibly. But, my ex sees me as an incompetent while not realizing that I'm responsible enough for finding jobs, getting my own two feet and etc. My exspouse didn't care. So, you can't be codependent or reliable about sharing the load, 100%. You just can't anymore. That's what I meant on my previous reply. Don't give it to it all.

Thank you! What did you find to be most useful in the video!

Which part of the video did you relate to the most?

@@Psych2go staying in bad relationships out of fear of being alone and rejected.

Could relationship anxiety be a form of social anxiety? If so that makes a lot of sense for me

@@Wind_Cursed I'm sure it may be related. For me its more about insecure attachment to others. I don't understand why they would bother to spend time with me if I'm not able to give them something

I was doing worse in a relationship with a very long partner. I didn't want him to bother with my problems and i was scared of change, so I cut it off. My head told me I was the issue while my heart just wanted to be with my Sweetheart but I felt like I didn't deserve it and that i was too codependent

Thank you! Will do!

PS: It’s not like I’m completely lonely and I don’t have any friends no, it’s just that the people that I get along with and that actually like me are ones that I don’t want to be with, basically I want to change myself but I don’t know how because the people that I want to be like don’t really mess with me. I also don’t want people to think that I’m “being mean to myself” for sympathy or attention no, I’m just genuinely analyzing myself because I’m trying to improve.

Thanks, will do!

You're welcome! :)