I’m Married to A Homophobe | r/AITA 

The woman with the homophobic husband is a traditional wife so she is trapped in her marriage with no support from outside of her family and church. She will be shunned and homeless if she leaves her husband. She has no safety net. I personally think she was very brave for standing up to her husband. Some of the commentators were way too hard on her. She is doing the best she can under her current circumstances. I hope she can find support to help her get out of her marriage.

That first dad has no problem calling someone else's 15yo a lesbian, but HIS little angel could never 🙃

"Puppy love is still love to the puppy." I heard this when I was young and it still rings true. It's not adult love, it's not built to last yet, but the puppies are still in love and that's worth celebrating.

Responding to “you know you’re homophobic like him right?” With “I know, and I’m doing my best to be a better person” is one of the coolest things I’ve seen. A parent who can admit their mistakes and learn from them, and works to improve is an amazing parent. Kudos to her

I have sympathy for the second mom, too. She grew up with poor values instilled in her, but was willing to drop those beliefs when they didn’t align with her love for her son. We’re all learning and unlearning. Shit is hard.

Even *IF* Noa's relationship is "just a phase", in this moment of Noa's life her feelings are genuine and should be respected. Even if she is still figuring herself out, she is feeling all the feelings right now. She is in love and for a supportive parent that should be all that matters.

Honestly the comeback of "Yes. You didn't raise a F*****. I did." Hits hard.

Why does Reddit think divorce is so easy 💀 every damn time people always immediately say get a divorce like ??? It doesn’t work that way people are complicated with complicated relationships and feelings. You can love someone, even if it’s not good, you can’t really help it

The woman with a homophobic husband and gay son is not the arsehole, she's just going through her redemption arc, and it sounds like she's doing a good job of it.

The last one: I had a poster of a dinosaur as a young teenager. I guess I must be attracted to extinct reptiles. This explains why I’m single.

Oh gosh, that mum unlearning her own homophobia, writing that reddit post while waiting for her son and his boyfriend made me cry. I hope she got/gets away from her husband - she deserves some peace and time to grow in her opinions.

Not me actually tearing up when 2nd Mom said her DMs were open; she’s trying SO hard

The contrast between the first and second story is striking: 1) "I have nothing against the LGBT-community, BUT..." Says all the "right things" until someone close comes out. 2) "I always saw being gay as sinful, but then my son came out..." Upholds the learned prejudices until someone close comes out - then chooses to support the loved one and change their own worldview. I've seen both types of people, in discussions about homophobia, about racism, misogyny etc.

15 year old: I’m gay Homophobe: You’re too young to know *A toddler boy plays with a toddler girl* Homophobe: Aww, look at them. They’re boyfriend and girlfriend.

that mom unlearning her homophobia just made me cry. those people on reddit slamming her for staying married is just sad. they think divorce is this super simple thing. this woman sounds stuck in this marriage and is probably a victim herself. like damn, if we revile people who are trying to change then why would people bother to try to change?

I agree with you across-the-board. I suspect some of the response to OP 2 is from young people who don’t understand yet that there are times when acting ethically has to be subordinate to what is practically possible. She has no capacity right now to support herself, and clearly can’t move back home with her parents, because they’re even worse than her husband. it’s easy to think we know what other people should do when we’re not in their shoes.

Imagine his daughter was actually a “little kid” as described and he withheld a gift bookmark from his 7-year-old daughter because the gifter was her 7-year-old “girlfriend”. Like bro, at the very least these “little kids” are close friends, and why would you mess with their little gifts to each other? You, as a grown adult? Meddling with “little kid” romance? If she’s actually a little kid to you, this behaviour is so embarrassing.

Jamie I resonate with your sympathy for the mum un-learning homophobia. She has made a start and offered an olive branch, which is more than many homophobes do. It doesn’t deserve a medal, but certainly a chance at redemption

NEVER think you're being "too nice", people on the internet are just too mean and strict for some reason, especially when it comes to people who try to change, it kinda seems people forgot what redemption was and sympathy seems to be non-existent, it's sad really

My mom tried telling me I was too young at 15 to know I was bi. But she never questioned the heterosexual relationships I was in at 14. It is 100% just homophobia/biphobia and has nothing to do with the teenager being too young.

Imagine fumbling this hard over a BOOK. MARK.

It's a bookmark for God's sake, not a ring. If she was a friend and he wouldn't have an issue, or a boyfriend and wouldn't have an issue and the only issue is them being 2 girls in a relationship, then yes YTA and it is homophobia plain and simple.

You know, I never knew how it would be applicable to real life, but that second story actually reminds me of my favorite Skyrim quote of all things. "What is better? To be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?" I feels for that woman and I hope dearly that she is both able to get out of the situation she's in and that she is eventually able to completely unlearn her queerphobia.

Third story: I feel like with one move she has screwed up years of 'letting our daughter know she will be accepted.' Because now her lived experience shows her that she won't be accepted because, what? She didn't come out when her mothers expected her to? She didn't go about it how they went about it?

The crab doesn’t support homophobia.

Given that her parents cut her off for choosing to support her gay son, it's clear that mom was raised in a very intolerant home. Most people spend at least some time believing the same things as the people who raised them. She's making the effort to grow and learn. It's easy to stay in your bubble and keep believing what you've been told. It's hard to step away from what you've been taught your whole life. I personally think it's really sweet that she loves her son so truly and wholly that the moment he came out to her she accepted him and started trying to become better for him, despite the obvious external pressure to reject him. She's a good, loving mother who is trying to be there for her son and do what's best for him.

The second story has me straight up bawling, it is wild to me how little sympathy people have for those getting over literal brainwashing the mom is a real one 100%

with the last one i understand OP being concerned with her daughter deciding to drop the subject that is funding her college tuition. like that isn't a smart move to make and when you hear its come from a new person (particularly a romantic partner, as i feel like it's natural to worry about abuse/manipulation when a new romantic partner is suggesting a potentially life altering decision) then i understand going "whoa, hold on, you need to think about this. this is serious." but what that has to do with sexuality i have no idea. it wasnt even part of the convo

As a 40-something bi, that third mom immediately gave me vibes of the lesbians I knew in college who wouldn't date people like me because we weren't "really gay." Like girl, leave the Gold Star nonsense back where it belongs, 20 years in the past.

I laughed a little too hard at the comment of that person saying that Justin Bieber looks like half the lesbians they dated in college 💀💀

I think the mum in the second one definitely deserves sympathy. It's one thing to get out of your bubble and unlearn things, but when doing so means you have to sacrifice all your support, both financially and emotionally, it takes a lot of courage and it's that part that deserves to be acknowledged. I'm guessing she was brought up in a community with an expectation of "wife stays at home, husband bread winner and head of house" or thereabouts, and she really doesn't have much options beyond staying where she is or extreme poverty/homelessness. I hope her situation gets better, whether that be her husband coming round, or more likely get support from her son or some other outside organisation to get out and be able to support herself.

The dad thinks she's a 'bad influence' yet he lets them hang around together and gives her a lift etc and is honoured to be trusted by her father to take care of her? He knows full well she isn't a bad influence on her, he's just a homophobe.

I totally agree with you about that second one. I feel like people tend to forget just how much someone's upbringing and environment can shape their views. What matters most is that when her son came out, she did her best to support him despite her learned biases. And yes I agree that ideally the most moral thing to do would be to divorce the homophobic father, but not everyone's circumstances are so cut and dry. It's wild to me how many people in the post were just berating her about things she was clearly trying to do better with. Like what's the point, do we want people to learn or just stop existing? There's a huge difference from someone who's trying to learn but had a problematic upbringing, and someone who's been given endless second chances and still chooses to be a bigot.

We NEED to be sympathetic to the mom in the second story. People like her a redeemable and the only way we can get them on the right path is by showing them that we will accept them with open arms. It's actually a common refrain among people who escape hate groups that they stuck in the group longer because they feared that regular society won't accept them after what they've said and done. It's our responsibility to show them that it's never too late to change. I applaud her!

Mum in second story needs love, compassion and help getting away from her abusive husband, not insults from keyboard warriors on reddit. I am an 18 year old bisexual girl myself and I have a lot of compassion for her. She’s trying, but she’s stuck in an abusive and controlling relationship and it’s really hard to leave those. Come on everyone, be nice!!! Jamie, you’re spot on with your sympathy for her.

I think your view on the second story is exactly right. It's easy to just get mad at people who are making slow progress in acceptance, but it's so important to recognize that they're trying. It's 1000 times better to recognize that a viewpoint you grew up on was wrong and take some years to unlearn it than to stubbornly hold onto a wrong belief just because it's harder to change.

The mom saying Bree can't be gay because she liked Justin Beiber and other boy bands, just feels like my mom bringing up every excuse as to why I couldn't be trans. "You liked Barbie! And dress-up! And sparkly pink fashion games!" Yes... I had interests. Interests that don't necessarily mean anything about my gender or sexuality. I *also* liked monster trucks, figuring out puzzles and word games, and playing in the dirt... but none of those things were weaponized against me when I tried to express my identity. Hell, those things were largely overlooked entirely when I was growing up, because they didn't fit the narrative of Artistic Girly Girl that people pushed onto me. I *still* like fashion of all kinds. I loved the new Barbie movie and feel nostalgia for the old animated ones. I do drag, get dressed up in sparkly heels and flowing gowns. And I'm a boy. Bree's childhood interests don't mean anything about her current identity.

Why is it such a persistent idea that someone can just break up with someone who they've been dependent on for years? There are living and financial and Healthcare issues that could leave someone in a trapped relationship. "Just leave" is garbage from strangers on the internet.

I don't think it really should come up to ask if someone's relationship is 'legitimate' or their love is 'real'. Especially when they're just starting out. Give them some breathing room, they're teenagers, they've got it rough already, damn.

My thing with that first one is like, What if Noa really needed a bookmark and Laura promised her one? Then Noa doesn't get it, and thinks Laura forgot. That damages Noa's trust, even if it isn't Laura's fault.

People on reddit tend to leap to leaving partners, as if alternate housing, money and personal safety are no object. I'm with you, Jamie, that Mum has a lot of conditioning to unlearn and a long way to go, and I have a lot of empathy for the situation she's in. It reads as though there's more than homophobia wrong in that family and it might be that she's in a place where she can't simply drop the husband, the home, the food security and financial security in one fell swoop. Reddit also likes to tell people to "get their ducks in a row" before instigating divorce proceedings, so it might just be that behind the scenes, her ducks aren't so easy to line up.

Re second story and Jamie's questioning whether he is being too sympathetic Jamie, I think you are completely correct. My impression reading between the lines is this is probably a family in the fundamentalist Christian community in the US. The mother is probably a tradwife who grew up being told that, as a girl, she is second-class and worthless, that the father and then the husband is the leader of the household and she must just submit. And likely she was home-schooled as well and has no employable skills Jamie, please continue to be kind in your thoughts and approach towards other people. That is one of your superpowers!

The second mom isn’t a bad person she’s trying her hardest in a very difficult situation 😢❤❤

💛🥔 Re: Lesbian Mum post. I'm 33 & bi, to this day I feel nervous in LGBTQ+ spaces because I feel like others will think I'm not "queer enough". I can't even imagine having grown up with super sure, super established lesbian mothers as a nervously/still-learning bi/demi/pan etc chicklet. What checklist would suffice? Has she heard "they aren't really gay" about other people from her Mums? I'm very thankful for creators like Jamie & Shaaba because otherwise, I'd have little to no bi content on my feed. It's hard to feel valid when our whole section of the rainbow struggles to be seen as it is!

The second OP sounds like a great mum actually, she's doing her best for her son and she's listening to him and willing to learn, I think there's something inspiring about people just trying to be better people, and she's standing up for her son and thats the most important part

US AF Lt. Col. is United States Air Force Lieutenant Colonel. I’m a 43 year old trans nb biromantic lesbian, and it definitely wasn’t a phase, dad. ETA, 2nd story: before judging the mom, let’s do some math. She’s 36 with an 18 (I assume) year old, which means she’s been with this man since she was a teenager. She’s fully dependent. The fact that she’s going against her husband says a lot to me. Definitely NTA.

24:51 she used HIS words against him, she didn't mean it in a derogatory way. She's a wonderful person, I hope she's able to be free from that awful man.

My father was always really wonderful to me, and that extended (to a lesser extent, of course) to whomever I was dating. During college, my mother told me that he had actually really disliked my middle/high school bf who I had dated for 4 years. Is it okay to mask your feelings about your child’s relationship? Yes. Is it okay to actively perform actions to subvert their partner without sharing those feelings? HELL no.

"I'm not homophobic, BAAAAAAAHHHHHTTTTT-"

With the first one, if she said nothing and then came out at 20 he’d say it’s not valid because it’s sudden and she’d have surely known sooner. There’s no winning. Same way that trans kids are told they’re too young to know but then when they’re older and coming out suddenly it’s too late they should’ve known sooner and there weren’t enough signs.

the second article is very close to my own story. When I was growing up, being trans wasn't something you said openly, to most people you were either straight, or gay. I knew I wasn't happy being the person everyone else wanted me to be when I was very young (newsflash there to the first article!). one day, while all the family was having food at table, and I can't remember what made him do it, but my father stopped eating to state "If any of you boys turn out to be gay, I'll F'in' disown you!" (his very words, I know right!). I had just placed a fork load of food in my mouth at that point, and inadvertently stopped, with a slightly worried look on my face. My older brother opposite my saw my reaction and started to openly laugh. I smiled and carried on eating - that was the point I discovered both wearing a poker face and being the comedian, are very useful coping methods, and helped me survive while living under the radar. fast forward to now, and my father doesn't speak to me and my brother has deleted my number, so I guess they are the As all along. to anyone reading this thinking this is my story too, I say get out of there ASAFP! and be your true self. and if they are true to their world, then you will be a lot happier long-term. you need to be you. pretending to be someone different in order to fit in isn't going to work. sooner than later dysphoria will catch up with you, and dysphoria is a bitch!

The classic "you're too young to know"

I had my first same-gender relationship at 15 after coming out as bi, and while the relationship only lasted a couple years I am still to this day bisexual. You aren’t “too young to know” at that age. 😑

The woman with the openly hateful husband is what a friend once described as "A recovering Homophobe" She's actively trying to change, but old habits are hard to break. And she is ntah in that situation.

"Why can't we all just get along?" = "Why can't you just be invisible so I don't have to acknowledge how uncomfortable I am around you?"

I have a similar situation with my parents as Noa, I’m turning 17 next month and my girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 8 months now but my parents still treat me like a child and don’t think my relationship is “true love”

Honestly, those people in Reddit were being incredibly mean to the second mom. You can tell she has her heart in a good place, and it definitely takes some time to unlearn certain behaviors, especially when you have just started to break free from all of that stigma. Regarding the f-slur, I do understand how she didn't know it was a slur. I didn't know the n-word was a slur until someone told me it was and I looked into it. As someone who's not from USA, English is not my first language, and didn't grow up with many black people around me, I fully get not knowing a specific word is a slur. People need to cut some slack to people who are trying their best to unlearned bigotted behavior. It takes time.

i just wanna add to the last one: just cause someone has posters of someone doesn’t mean they’re attracted to them, they could just like their music/the media they’re from. i have multiple posters and prints of male characters from shows i watch, doesn’t make me any less lesbian

As a bisexual woman who grew up with supportive parents and an evangelical church, imo you are having EXACTLY the right amount of empathy for the second poster. It's so hard to do that complete cultural shift when you've been indoctrinated into believing something fundamentally harmful since you were a child, I'd say it's completely understandable that she slips up because of habit. She's on a steep learning curve and I am proud of her.

As a 55 year old Mum who is and has always been open to the LGBTQ+ community my biggest priority for both my children is that they are happy. Their Dad died suddenly when they were young and life has not been easy. We have talked about that (their happiness) many times in terms of sexual orientation, what their life's plans are or are not, all the big issues. My daughter, as a young teen, hung out with a large group of friends, a few of whom were in couples. She went out with a couple of guys throughout her teens but never really had a serious relationship. She told me when she was 22 (she's now 26) that she had been sexually assaulted by her best friend's boyfriend when she was 17. She was also anorexic at the time which she struggled with for 6 years so she wasn't in a great place mentally and the signs weren't distinguishable (anxiety, SH, depression.) She met a young woman in 2020 who she adores and who adores her and has made her so happy and helped her over the bump in the road from a sort of recovery to real recovery. When they first started going out together (she was 23 by this stage) she wouldn't talk to me about it. So when Sav was around one night, I asked Floss if I could have a quick chat with her and asked her if she and Sav were having a "thing." Erudite I know but the way young people talk about relationships now is very different to when I was young. She said yes and I asked her why she hadn't told me before. She didn't really know. I said to her that, as long as she is happy, I am too (although if anyone made her unhappy, I would probably have something to say about that!) She said she knew and it just felt a bit weird to tell me so it was easier for me to ask. In October they will have been together for 4 years. I adore Sav and I'm so grateful to her for the happiness she brings to my daughter and the new experiences they have shared together like travelling through Asia for four months last year to living on the Isle of Skye working and living in a hotel there (we're from NZ.) My son and I are heading there for a couple of weeks in August/September. I'm so excited! The case with the second Mum may be that she is part of an "American" high control patriarchal religion where the gender stereotypes are cast in stone. I think she is a good Mum and trying her best after decades of programming.

Second story: I am with you on this one. I think that mum sounds really loving! The love for her son clearly comes first which opened her eyes to her own homophobia. And the fact that she is standing up for her son, despite her husband being so outright homophobic and her parents cutting her off says a lot! It's never easy to unlearn things you were told your whole life! I am in my early 40s and it took me years of unlearning things my father taught me that were outright wrong. Those old thoughts just creep up on you and it's really hard to get rid of them. So way to go from that mum.

USAF lt col = United States Air Force lieutenant colonel. Basically, OP started the post with "I'm a fancy military person"

The first story immediately gets my hackles up because it literally doesn't matter if their feelings are real or not. They're teenagers. They're allowed to make experiences with love and affection and relationships. They're figuring out how to person, and this is a part of it. Makes me so mad, because this is often SO important for teens! Not just because they care about it themselves, but also because those early relationships shape a lot of how we navigate relationships later on! It's healthy to bonk into some common relationship walls as a teen so you can figure out how to deal with them going forward in life!

"how'd she not know that was a slur?" I'm a bisexual trans man who grew up extremely conservative and thus came out later in life. When I went to college, I had no idea the "d slur" in reference to lesbians was a slur because it was used so casually around me, to the point where I called my college roommates girlfriend the d slur thinking that it meant "butch lesbian" and she had to explain that it was a slur. I was mortified. So I totally buy that she didn't know the f slur was a slur

For the second one: As someone from an incredibly queerphobic household, with incredibly homophobic extrended family and everything, being closeted because i just cannot safely come out, i know that they would never accept it, i have to stay hidden because they will either mentaly or maybe even physically abuse me in some way so seeing this woman trying to fix her views means the world. If my family, even just one of them tried to unlearn that, it would mean so so much more than being instantly accepted by other lgbt+ people. I, a gender nonconforming person still deal with my own internalised transphobia because of my surroundings, and the fact she had that for 36 years, and is trying her hardest to unlearn it is super commendable. Sure staying in contact with your child should be unquestionable but the sad truth is that it just doesnt happen sometimes, but she fought back against that even if it made things worse for herself. She is trying her hardest, and while there is a bit to unlearn and she might get things wrong, i think that what she is doing is much better and of course people will slip up if they are trying to unlearn things so deeply taught. Im just saying, if my queerphobic family tried to unlearn everything and is making the same effort as this woman here, it would mean so so much more than if another trans person came and accepted me from the get go. I am honestly so moved by what she is trying to do that i started getting emotional while you were talking about it Youre not being too sypathetic with her, j think the comments are being too harsh and this woman is doing amazingly for her situation. We can only try to do the best with what we have after all, and people might not be able to see the meaning behind that because they are in a completely different and maybe even better off situation Edit: I did not mean to go on a tangent, this is just kind of importabt for me

I find it strange how people basically think the mother won’t change, when she’s shown great strides of change so quickly People have no patience and are so judgy themselves She’s done well and has more to do, but praise her not belittle her

I knew a mom who's son was experimenting with his sexuality as he grew up, and she was weirdly proud of it? Like, I remember her telling me with pride "My son is bi!" he dated a guy online for a lill while. He ended up eventually getting with a girl later on in life, and telling his mom he was straight, and she fought him about it?? Saying "No you're not! You're bi!" and I just looked at her and said "If he's saying he's straight then he's straight." she returned with "He dated a guy though!" in which I added "Yeah? good on him for trying it out, he likely feels different with the girl then with him, and has sense decided differently." I just have honestly never seen this reversed before 😂

about the second one I totally agree with you. People are not responsible for what they believe in, they just grow up mimicking their family behaviors and beliefs. The one thing they can control is how they behave on the moment. The mom may be clumsy, but she has everything in the right place and she is not responsible for her husband's behavior. I think people of reddit apply their own morals to her while forgetting the generationnal gap between mom and young adults now. She is putting her son before her beliefs, dad is putting his beliefs before his son. That's a huge difference and if I were the son I wouldn't blame the mom for staying with the dad I would be grateful she stands up to her husband even though she depends on him

Noa's dad is probably the kind of "stay away from boys, all they want is one thing" but then is mad that his daughter is dating a girl

Most relationships at age 15 are "just a phase" if you think about it. Would he also withhold a present from a straight partner? No of course he wouldn't

people who say 'we should all get along' then tend to place blame on the marginalised group they claim to 'accept'

It actually be a Not-Arsehole sandwich, with Arsehole bread, as the defining term of most sandwiches are the fillings.

Thank you for coming at story 2 with the level of nuance that people on Reddit don't seem to have. It's obvious that op is stuck in a toxic/unhealthy relationship at least and an abusive one at worst. She is still making mistakes (like throwing the f- slur back) but she is learning and people need to be allowed to learn otherwise hateful/ignorant people will stay that way.

1st story: I already knew he's the AH from the beginning. Also I knew I was gay when I was 14. I wasn't in a relationship but I knew it was different from other guys. 2nd story: she's NTA she is trying that's good thing. Also screw that husband and her parents. 3rd story: I don't even have to read it. OP YTA. OK that got worse. My mom and my cousin said that I am not gay when I was 17. I said how the hell you know that more than myself. And I agree with Bree, OP is a mega AH.

He called her 15 year old girlfriend a lesbian, but he thinks his 15 year old daughter is too young to know she's a lesbian?

The second mum .. I want to give her a huge hug. It is SO hard to change your mindset, especially when you're surrounded by it. I used to be part of the Christian community and hated some of the hate coming off it. So for a while I clung to the 'hate the sin not the sinner'... Until I realised 2 things. 1. Love is not wrong (between consenting people of appropriate ages) and 2. Is none of my business what someone else is doing. It doesn't hurt me. And when I allowed myself that I realised I wasn't the cis straight person I thought! I now identify as cis pan-demi. I'm nearly 40, and it's only the past 15 years I've really been able to get my head out of the previous homophobic cloud I was living in

I really feel for the mom in the second story. I am a nonbinary person who lives with two non accepting parents. I have been told multiple times by my friends that I should “just move out”. But it’s not that simple. I am on the autism spectrum so my parents never bothered to teach me about any kind of financial things because they thought I’d never be able to do it on my own. I just recently graduated college but I haven’t found a job that fits my degree yet. I am wary of finding somewhere to live without knowing where I’m going to work because I know housing is expensive.

3rd story: We don't really know Bree. What we do know is she had a full ride scholarship to college because of her abilities in soccer; growing up, did she really want to play soccer at that level? My feeling as I listened to this, wasn't the mother being upset at Bree's sexuality, it was being upset that she believed Nala was now in control of her daughter, and she made the statement, "you're not even gay" as a way to regain control. If Nala were a guy, the mom's response probably would have been to invalidate his input because Bree had only known him two months. Best wishes for Bree, as she finds her way.

Honestly I appreciate the mom too, she's trying her best for her son in a situation that is not working in her favor. I actually feel bad for her, she's stuck and has no way to get out of it. Sadly reddit doesn't believe in redemption and you need to be absolutely perfect because otherwise you suck just as much as the more hurtful people in their eyes (just like in this case, where they say she sucks just as much as her husband because she's still not a perfect supporter). Tbh I kinda sympathize with her because I risked to go down a similar path too (luckily my older sibling and Steven Universe snapped me out of that mindset).

It just baffles me so much when people don’t believe someone who tells them how they’re feeling. Like why the heck would you think you know my feelings better than I do? Whether I say I’m attracted to a my own gender, a different gender, or nobody, believe me. How would you know what I am feeling? If I say I get overstimulated or anxious or depressed, freaking believe me! I am the only one in my head and body, the only one who knows all of what I’m thinking and feeling! Don’t invalidate people for no freaking reason!

In the last story, 1. The posters didn't matter, I had posters of the teenage mutant ninja turtles in my bedroom and that means nothing except for on some level I enjoy the show, same for the video game posters. 2. The daughter could be bi, but whatever she says she is, is what she is. 3. She may not want to continue soccer and is listening to her girlfriend who is trying to help her. 4. That annoying "she told her brother "it feels weird"" maybe this is her first relationship or first time kissing full stop.

I came out as bi to my parents at 16, and they were VERY much like the dad in the first story. They tried to mask their disgust under the guise of "just a phase" or "you shouldn't be focusing on that right now; you're too young to know." They made it very clear they didn't like the idea of me being in a relationship that wasn't with a man. It's been three years since then, and I'm pansexual AND transmasc. Neither of them know, because I still remember that day when I told them. It's a scary experience just figuring yourself out (in my experience), and not having supportive parents makes it even worse. The daughter there WILL remember what her dad did because it's a sad reminder that he doesn't respect the way she feels. I do respect that it looks like he's at least TRYING to work through his bias, but it still looks like there's more to do. I really hope he recognizes the gravity of what he did, in all honesty.

Thank you for clarifying and acknowledging how someone can’t always leave a relationship the moment they find out their partner has awful views on something.

I feel for the Mum. She's legit trying and that's very apparent! We have no social background for her, we don't know what part of the world she is in. She's done the right thing. And I will say, as someone who was in a DV marriage, it is very hard to start being independant and to finally leave.

Story 1: 98% of that story is irrelevant. “Someone who is with my daughter a lot made her a bookmark. I didn’t give it to her. AITA?” Well yeah no DUH! The part about the homophobia just made it worse

I fully agree with you on the second one. By taking steps to support her son and doing this against her upbringing and the approval of close family members shows a lot of strength. It’s easy for me to be open-minded because I was raised that way. I commend her and hope she continues on her journey to being accepting and understanding the LGBTQ+ community.

That second story legitimately made me cry.

Third one, as an ace, I would advise maybe that Bree was obsessing over boy growing up to fit in, but was romantically attracted to girls, but maybe didn't enjoy the physical side? Like, there's so many perfectly reasonable explanations, but the mum went about it completely wrong. If you want to have a chat about sexual orientation, you sit down and just talk over that. Remind your kid you love them, and bring up all the different options. Straight? Bi? Lesbian? Ace? Aro? Or maybe your kid is in a gender identity crisis and that's making romance feel a bit weird. It's important to let people know what could be going on, and support them no matter what. Also, if your kid feels comfortable with the label of "gay" while figuring things out, who gives a damn if that's not actually a perfect fit? I've jumped through a lot of labels myself, and it's just about knowing yourself and finding your community. If she's not gay, she'll work that out in her own time.

You're not wrong about the second OP. And people being like, "Just leave." If she's from a serious fundie family, she might have been entirely homeschooled and married off as soon as she was of age. No job history. No skills. I'd like to see all these Redditors come back from that.

"You do realize that you're homophobic like him, right?" This is a similar mentality we see when people bring up Lovecraft. Like, yeah, he was INCREDIBLY racist. But he also got better and made an apology for being so hateful for so long and wished it happened sooner. And people seem to want a punching bag to hate rather than acknowledging that people can change, and it takes a long time to get there. She already said she's aware that she was homophobic from the start. She's clearly making an effort to change. And it was also clear that she used the slur later in the story to make a point against the husband. I don't think she still actually thought of her son that way.

On the mom with the gay son and homophobic husband - that kinda thing hits close to home for me. I and all my loved ones were raised religious conservatives. We can’t help how we’re raised. And I think people underestimate how hard it is to get out of that, both mentally and socially. It’s a self-protecting system designed to discourage doubt and dissent. I have so much respect and appreciation for my parents for reevaluating the views they held all their lives.

Growing up in a religious environment, there is a lot you have to claw your way out of in the way you're taught to view the world. I grew up Muslim and then Christian, and never really questioned some of the things I was taught about homosexuality, purity, etc, until I went away to college and suddenly got to meet all kinds of people from all kinds of backgrounds and orientation. That was the start of me pulling away from the church and religion but it took fifteen or so years of slowly starting to question things that had otherwise been just a given for me. When I got pregnant with my 1st, I heard someone (I think OT) say if you're not ready to have a LGBTQ+, disabled, etc ., child, you're not ready to have children. That was my oh sh%t moment. It took a few more months after that for me to drop the church completely and really start questioning how I thought about groups of people who were different from my former groups. Having a little boy who loved pink and dolls and pretend play and dress up REALLY made me challenge my beliefs. My boys are loving, and accepting little people and I have never been so glad to have left the church and religion in my review. I definitely think it made me a better person.

I wanted to add some comments for the 2nd story from my experience. My father was born in 1924, my mom was born 1949 - you already see, there's a huge age gap here. He was always abusive and manipulative to both my mom and me. I refused to talk to him/acknowledge him when I was 14 and he slapped me because I finally snapped back at his abuse. She eventually begged me to say "sorry", just so the peace would be back. I did it for her, but it's one of the few things in my life that I still regret. I went back to consider him air when I was 17, because I was fed up with him, and my mom this time agreed and stood her ground as well. I was already dreaming of moving away, but with her. The relationship with my mom was always close and dear and frankly, I wouldn't have been able to live alone from what I now know is severe ADHD issues and the deep depression and PTSD symptoms I had at that time. She was dreaming up houses with me, too, but there was always this little room that was supposed to be for my father left in these plans - rooms that neither of us drew bigger then a little storage closet, but still. She felt like she couldn't leave him alone because he was already so old, and that she had to bear through it, that she owed him somehow. It took her to open up to an outsider and her telling her "Take your kid and your dog and LEAVE" for her to finally snap out of it and find the resolve. We waited till I was 18 (so he wouldn't get visitation rights over me) and moved 500km away. I'm telling this because it's damn hard to just pack your things and leave if you're in an abusive marriage for such a long time. Especially when her family as well throws around with bible verses, she is probably still stuck in a mindset of being the property of her husband. Abuse can't be unlearned so quickly. That she's working on her homophobia is Incredible as it is, and should be honored, instead of blaming her not to be perfect within a second. And for the word thing... my mom still sometimes slips and uses the German version of the N-Word by accident, because she never learned it as a slur, but as a descriptive term without value. At the same time, she's in no way racist and openly fights back racism when she comes across it. And while I always remind her, I know it's hard for her to unlearn, because heck, that word was still used in descriptive manner when I was a young teenager! Because for many it was "just a word". We had sweets including the name! (that obviously has been stopped by now) But at these times, encountering a person of color was rare in our parts of Germany, too, so there wasn't much opportunity for her to relearn. So for this mom to never realize that the f-word was a slur - yeah, I totally get that! And I praise her for being so quick on the heel to learn not to use it!

Regarding the second mother, it's very easy from the outside to say homophobia is bad under all circumstances and to expect someone to turn it off like a tap, but if that's the way she was raised and it's been her environment for her entire adult life it's going to take time and effort to change her way of thinking. The most important thing she can do, and is doing, is to show a willingness to change and put in the active effort to do so. Change isn't instant. What I dearly wish for this lady is that she finds a way to carry on giving her son the love and support he deserves without being punished by the people around her. It sounds like she's trapped in her marriage and needs a way out. I hope she finds one.

The second mom is amazing. It is heartbreaking to have a homophobic parent, but it fills me with love and pride to see mine actively work to break that cycle. I grew up Christian Fundamentalist (sounds like this lady is too), and this lady reminds me of my mom. Living your life under the control of a man and believing sincerely that you are inferior in every way to him and you exist to assist him breaks people in horrible ways. What a strong person to stand and resist! It is unconscionable to call on this woman to martyr herself in the name of taking a grand stand against her nasty husband. If she leaves, who will support her? Can she? will her son? How much sacrifice is necessary to convince these people? Life isn't a movie, and she is not a superhero. Give grace and have compassion!

Noa is literally old enough to get a driver's permit, she is old enough to like who she likes.

3rd one, I would bet good money it goes like this: Mom is furious with girlfriend for derailing the college plan. Mom gets into an argument, doesn't think straight, only thinks about getting her daughter out of the relation. Screams that nonsense but doesn't know how to back down or to admit that's what she was doing even to herself. Searches, unconsciously , for things to back up her assertion, up come the posters. I've seen similar behaviors before, (eg child wants to drop out of college and hike across the world with lover = " You're ruining your future! You don't want to do it, you're doing it because of them" Then down the line "You never liked camping when you were 10"). It's just that it's about something much more important than the usual stuff and can cause much more hurt .

Story 1: even if it was "just a phase" their daughter is figuring that out. Plus that was a sweet and innocent gift. Story 2: I live in a city that has a lot of blatant homophobia present so I appreciate that the Mom is at least trying to be unlearn what she's learn. Story 3: I think it's both that she's worried about how quickly her daughter is making big life changes after meeting her partner and that there's bi or pan phobia. Most of my crushes as a kid were male. Turns out what I found attractive in them are what I also find attractive in women and nonbinary folks. 😊

This is the first AITA reaction video I’ve seen from your channel, so glad I found it, I love hearing out your perspective and opinions. I’m going to go look up the podcast you mentioned too!

My heart goes out to that mama. I feel that she honestly has a good heart, her son is her priority and she is actively pushing back against her cultural and religious indoctrination. That’s not easy to do as someone who was raised in a similar belief system and I was lucky to have exposure to other views when I was a teenager. Changing your views that late in life is hard and she is clearly aware of the faults in her beliefs and is actively working to be better. She is in an unfortunate situation where she has no resources, most likely no job history and no support to leave her husband. And it’s hard to except that the person you are married to doesn’t love your child. I wish her and her son the best ❤