Summer of 2022 is when my son died so I feel ya . Month after my son died my dog Shadow got shot in my yard by a cop that was looking for juveniles in our neighborhood that had stolen something and he didn't survive . Then my ole ladies dad dropped dead while working on the farm . Its just been nonstop. Keep pushing brother no matter what comes you gotta keep going . My son's birthday is coming up August 13th. His name was Phoenix . Appreciate you sharing brother. Getcha pull 🤘
@@jimmypennell8831 appreciate ya. That number 13 is everywhere in my life. My initials JC in numerology is 13 . My middle name by itself equals 13 . Me and my sister are 13 months and 13 days apart in age . My number in sports growing up was always 13 . I have a Jason ring with the number 13 on it that I've had for many years . My son also died on the 26th of August 13 days after his birthday. I think my first and last name when reducing equals 13 in numerology too. It's pretty wild .
While it has gotten better in recent years, the stigma of mental health issues (especially in men) still exists...we don't talk about it enough for fear of being judged as weak, or whiney, or whatever. Bravo for speaking out about your struggles!!! More people need to...especially those in the public eye. It's ok to not be ok sometimes...it's not ok is to stay there. Get help, talk to a trusted friend, do SOMETHING!!! I've lost too many friends (and almost myself as well) over the years to mental health struggles. Being a military vet as well, I know you know about the struggles our community has with this (22 a day). Stay strong and keep rising bro!
Dude I had my first session today after waiting for almost 2 years.....The timing on this is crazy....I'm currently smiling and tearing up at the same time....Thank you so much for sharing this Xander! Bad Azzzz name too btw, I have changed mine officially, but I do go by something else heh
From 18-30 years old I was a WILD TORNADO of alcoholism. I destroyed everything I had EVERY SINGLE DAY. I almost gave up. I was the loneliest person in the middle of a crowd of people at my own birthday party. I couldn't even see it. Depression became my obsession. I started feeling better watching other people get in trouble. Thats a dark place e to be. Xander, you are only as lonely as you allow yourself to be. You are absolutely loved, you are absolutely VITAL to your family and friends. You are BRAVE and AWESOME and SWEET and CARING. You deserve everything you have, all of the negatives and positives. Every feeling and shortcoming you've ever had, is what you are today. Thank you for being a HERO and sharing your story. You are saving lives by showing others you are a human with the same feelings that everybody else going through the trenches goes through.
Thanks for sharing your story Xander. I can relate to the depression struggle. I'm really glad that you got it all sorted out with a therapist. I've though about going to one myself but have never pulled the trigger on it. Keep fighting the good fight my brother.
It's so weird when i hit my 40s things like that happened to me and some others i know. It's confusing to me because in most young adults, you come out of school into the real world. You work your butt off, you're broke, just getting by. Anything that happens like your car breaks down, or you get a ticket for 200 dollars, totally wrecks your budget to where you stress about rent, food, utilities, whatever it is. And this goes on for years. After putting the work in and time in what you do, things got better (at least for me). i made a good living, and my kids can go to decent school. If my car breaks down, it's not a big deal. It took time and work, but you made it through. Things are good. And one day, you get a huge panic attack out of nowhere. Never had one and dont even know why it happens, but it does. Over and over. I would've thought that would happen when things were much more stressful when i was younger. Life is full of surprises.
I relate to the name thing. My deadbeat dad had the same name as me and I felt the same way growing up. It wasn’t honestly until last year when I got sober that I started getting comfortable with myself and found out what I actually think of myself. I also struggled with big time depression all my life so you know you’re not alone dude. Also I’m from the same area as you, Delaware really, near the GC on 202 but I spent alot of time in PA so who knows man we may have crossed paths at one point. Shame we didn’t hang out… or maybe we did lol but I bet we would have jammed. Appreciate you too man. Be strong 💪
Hey I can completely relate to that. Growing up I never truly associated with my name due to many conflicting reasons so a few years ago I decided to change my name. Best decision I ever made. And similar to you I feel like I know who I am so much more than I did because I felt that I am now finally in control of my life. My previous identity is a different person from who I'm proud to be now.
Takes a brave man to talk about their feelings openly like this, I've felt like this before, so I can relate. To anyone else feeling like this just give yourself time before you make a big decision, Things get better. You're a big inspiration for me and others no doubt. Sending love from the UK ❤
I remember for a little while that you lost your spark. You looked like you were going through something. Sometimes you looked really blah and spoke in a monotone voice. And you know what? After that name change happened, I could see you were just more excited about life again. It makes so much sense now. Sometimes people need a clean slate, and one way to do that is to change your name and start an identity that honors what your love while allowing you to build on that with new things you can love about yourself that isn’t tied to your past. I remember you saying at the time that you honored those two important men from your family as part of the new name, and I really felt that was really honoring your family legacy while starting your own by picking a first name you really wanted. I am sure this experience you went through is going to help someone who is struggling with their identity and depression. Being vulnerable makes us stronger as human beings, not weaker as people from decades ago wanted us to think with a “stiff upper lip” type attitude. Thanks for being brave enough to put yourself out there so you can possible help some other people who may take inspiration. Sometimes people are shocked at how honest and candid I am about my own life - it’s never about me, but about hopefully inspiring someone else who may need uplifting. I hope you’ll do more sharing within your own comfort zone because you never know how expressing your emotions and experiences will impact others positively. It might encourage people to get help or make changes in their lives that will lead to positive outcomes. Even if you’ve helped just one person, that one person is valuable.
Your heart is always stronger than your mind so please always keep going! I think everyone here can relate to how dark some days get and how lost you can start to feel, especially when everything crashes down like dominoes but it’s so important to give yourself the love, understanding and patience needed when trying to work through these processes. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety a year and a half ago. I had been on 6 months medical leave from my masters. The girl I thought I would spend the rest of my life with split up with me two weeks ago after nearly 7 years together. I had to move back in with my mother even though we had a really fractured relationship. I really felt like I didn’t want to keep going anymore and I didn’t know what I wanted in life anymore, it felt like everything was swept from under my feet and thrown into a fire right before my eyes. Every day hurts like hell and I still have no idea what I’m doing anymore or where to go, but I’m trying to have the same attitude as you where it doesn’t matter what’s happened, just need to do my best every day and work for the future I want or the next day bit by bit. Like you said, we all have our own stories and nothing is ever smooth sailing in life like we all perceive it to be in our heads. The important part is just trying your best to take that next step and make it to the next day bit by bit. Really happy to hear your story ❤️
I appreciate how candid you are. I am glad that therapy helped you. You know, my father, I remember being 5 years old . . . He was discussing which medical specialty he should pursue, becuase he was at that point in medical school where he should. He wanted to either be a brain surgeon or a psychiatrist. (Most people don't know that a psychiatrist is a medical doctor, not a PHD.) His desire, ever since he was a child, was that he wanted to help people by being a doctor. He realized that there was a lack of mental health professionals in the USA. (This was 30 years ago, dating myself here; it's even worse now.) The point is, there's so much sh*t going on, but there's folks out there who geniunely want to help, to give a better perspective, to get folks to where they can work through events in their life and become successful. My father wanted to do that, to help people with their mental health. He's a big inspiration for me. So, I guess this is just a long way of saying that I am glad someone helped you, man. We have enough folks who unalive themselves. I enjoy your music. I hope you enjoy it too. If anyone is ever considering unaliving themselves, seek help first. What have you got to lose? But also, what could you gain? Well, XRC is living proof that you have a lot to gain, by getting professional mental health help.
Bro thanks for this share! Very relatable…I’m on the other side of very similar situation and was struggling badly. I love life again! It’s so great to see and hear your thriving now too! Keep sharing and shredding!
My last name does that for me. My dad was adopted by a terrible human being and my last name reflects it. I think about it a lot. Good on you, Xander. Respect.
My Grandfather used to change his name every few years. Just to mess with people. Nobody knew his name until his death, his real name. It was Charley. Love your channel boss!
Xander im so happy to hear that this helped someone else, i had a similar situation growing up and had to change my name around because i was delightfull a 3rd and had gotten so much pressure to , carry on the family name, before i was 13.... and i had realized they were so... many times, less than great people. really happy to see others are experiencing the serenity it brings when i did it too.
Thank you for opening up about your story, and for being vulnerable with us. It means a lot to hear about your struggles and triumphs. About a year ago, I lost a friend. She "gave up" in the way you were implying, and it tears me up to this day. I often think about what I could have done differently to help her. So, I'm very happy to see that you didn't "give up." And I can relate to needing to pick a new name (if for different reasons), and wanting to choose a name that is really friggin cool. You're right. If you're going to give yourself a new name, why not pick one that makes you feel powerful? One that sparks joy?
,,..we are,,,the master and the comander of our ship,.....your very talented...tnx for the pro-class instructions on great guitar playing,...I only can wish to play like you do,,( picked up guitar at 13,,.now 64,,and still dream of your levels,,..,,..thank you,pat& family,.....,,,,,,,,Q= what is your favorite concert you ever saw,,,?,...please reply.,,oh yea== mine was - 1981, ozzy,diary of a madman,w/Randy Rhodes,,..C.U. event center,Boulder,Colorado.😮❤(oh yea).,,I'm old😂
Wow. Just wow. I have watched you for years and have seen you grow. Got to meet you in Detroit a few months ago and share my story with you as well. Sobriety, an MS diagnosis, etc. In a very short amount of time. Lately the last few days I've been struggling with mental health and this IS WHAT I NEEDED TO SEE AND HEAR. As fucked as everything might be ,and its shitty ,it's comforting to know someone else is/has gone through it too. Makes me feel seen . Makes me feel heard. I'm so proud to call myself a fan of yours. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO. You'll probably never know how much this means to me ❤.
When I get depressed I take the day off from DENTISTRY call up my brothers in my NICKELBACK tribute band called NEVER AGAIN and play a show at the local yacht club
This is the Universe Speaking to me. I opened a Fortune cookie today and it read "NEVER FORGET HOW MUCH YOU ARE LOVED." Now this Video. I'm 36 and have and picked up a guitar at 10 years old. Its been my life line but recently I have been ready to give up. Xander, Thank you for this video, I feel like I can give this life thing another shot and not my Head.
Clicked the 1000th like for you, brother. Very recently subscribed to your channel to watch your interesting guitar work, but love all the other content you're bringing. Always stay strong and grounded, brother. And keep bringing us awesome riffs!
I was there in 1992-1994. Long before RU-vid was a thing…long story short, I was blaming myself over something that I didn’t do, to my stepmom and half brother.
Get married and have some kids,watching kids growing up is cool and you would probably make a great dad man..life is difficult for sure but concentrate on positive things..keep well stay healthy and strong. And keep on rocking ❤.
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m in a position where I (Unexpectedly) had to leave a job that I was working at for almost 9 years. It has made an huge impact on me mentally, and physically speaking and I just started my own RU-vid channel back around the same time in the summer of 2022. A few days ago in the midst of this, I talked to my mom in giving up music entirely because of my situation because I felt like it’s done nothing for me… But my fiancé (Bless her) and one of our pastors at our church have told me You’ve put in too much time in this to give up…I have an album that I’ve produced all by myself, and also a EP that me and my best friend since first grade have made together yet to be released. Them and now this video that I’ve stumbled upon was the extra push for me to not give up. Thank you sir, and I went ahead and Subscribed as well💪
Thanks for the fantastic content and for sticking it out through the ups and downs. You shouldn't ever be afraid to be vulnerable sometimes. It isn't a sign of weakness; expressing those feelings with yourself and others can be cathartic. Being open doesn't mean being weak. Keep at it, my friend! 🤘
Yo dude, Thanks for sharing. I thought you were gonna talk about that crazy band you played in where one of the members went nuts! Also - Xander is a great name dude!
Xander, man, thanks for sharing; you're a strong mf and I appreciate you, it's really inspiring to see you grow, especially considering I'm a little younger than you~ Going through some shit myself for a while, feeling like shit studying something I truly hate but can't really stop, I managed to slowly but steadily make something happen in the very near future, to be more precise: an exchange semester. I think it'll be the start of something new and I'm pretty excited, even tho preparation is a fuckn mess... Also as you might know, I've been watching for a good while and even though you changed your name on here, I still always thought about you as 'Ray' - with that story though, I will consider you a Xander from now on, that connection switch is flipped in my brain now, whatever that is worth.
You have worked so hard and bro it inspires me to keep uploading. I hope i gain some traction but i am thoroughly enjoying myself and am happy for the first time in a LONG time. So when you think how well you're doing yourself as a musician, you're doing much more than that as an influence as well. Thank you bro sincerely 🙏
at the time i thought it was weird, that you changed your channel name to your personal name, because it is unusual to de-anonymize a successful channel like that. But knowing your story know, i feel proud for you and welcome you, Xander Raymond Charles, and want to express my gratitude to you for being one of the consistently positive music channels on youtube! Love your music as well!
Hell yes!! Good on you dude! Xander IS a dope ass name! A name is a powerful thing and it absolutely should be something that makes you happy when you hear it.
I started watching when the channel was Stay Metal Ray😊 I thought that was pretty cool. You changed your name for personal reasons and that's cool. I watch because I believe you're a cool guy and you've got good content that I really enjoy. So you will always be Metal my friend. Keep it up 😊
So Glad you chose to keep on keeping on Xander! You've been a huge inspiration to me as a guitar player and a person, I am super thankful that you chose to stick around, keep making the metal world brighter man!
I feel like I’m looking at myself in so many ways. Sounds like you’re pulling through like a boss, but those bags under your eyes tell me you’ve got a ways to go. I’m right there with you, brother. You’ll get there though. We’ll get there. Just gotta keep the smiles on our faces that’ll stick. Good on you for keeping it real.
Honestly so much respect for having the strength to talk about this, I think we all need reminders from time to time that we're worthy of our own acceptance. Keep up the great work, man🤘🏻
It takes courage to share this stuff. But you'll always feel free after and you will definitely inspire and help others in similar situations. Kudos to you for doing this!
Incredible story, but my best friend growing up had a cousin who had a horrible, abusive dad, and later in life changed his name, since his dad named him, and he went with Xander. All the best man,
I feel I'm currently feeling what you did in 2022. Pretty sure I'm at my heaviest (yet only eat once a day) and it's made me not like what I see in the mirror at all. Seeing this might make me suck it up and work on getting healthier again.
This all makes sense and I love it, sorry I called you Ray when we met! Xander from now on! I struggle as well and will be telling my story later on my channel.
I went through something similar in away few years ago. I'm transgender and non-binary, and while for most trans people a name change is part of the process, for me it was especially important since my birth name also has some bad associations. I haven't been able to change it legally just yet, but it's still freeing to not have to see and hear my birth name with every single interaction I have that may involve a name. It's unfortunate you had to go through what you did, but I'm glad you came out the otherside and seemingly better for it
I feel the same way brotha, its good to hear that there is hope for guys like us going through the same thing. It all takes time and someone to talk to . I am currently forgiving others and forgiving myself for all the bad shit that went on in my 20s. Life is too short to hold onto grudges.
The beautiful people we lost from depression and other mental illnesses is shameful. Your strength and determination will inspire so many to seek the help they need so they too can overcome their demons and persevere in life. What a great story brother
i was watching your Caparison tat review then my feed popped this in...never heard of you before that,but wanted to say all i saw in the tat video was someone i admired and thought was cool as hell so try to remember other people see the real you even though you struggled to see it in yourself at times. Depression is a bitch man and a big deal that people without it rarely understand the depths of but just wanted to say acknowledging it is important and i for one respect the shit out of it.
